Venus In 8th House & Relationship Trauma

Venus in 8th house & relationship trauma

How many lovers have you had and how many did not give you trauma? When did you start dating, btw?

When it comes to venus in 8th, what comes to my mind is a sex magnet, obsessive and devotional. Stop losing yourself in your lover's hands. There is a desire to merge with and consume their lover. The best way I can think of to describe is like cellular fusion in biology:

Reference: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karyogamy

There is a lot of intense energy looking for an outlet. If not romance, she will direct this energy in spirituality. But before she will know her spiritual gifts, she will go through relationship trauma.

It can be seen that the most traumatizing lovers were similar to each other. I met the first one at age 13 and next one at 21. Both were similar in appearance & life identity. The first one ruined my teenage years. The last one gave me mental breakdown. Both these "lovers" were the most traumatizing points in my life. I was OBSESSED with both of them. Both were "secretive" and I met them in dark ways suddenly without warning. Both were predatory and manipulative. I idolized them both and put them on a pedestal. I did a lot of ego massage & codependent wife like treatment.

In my mom's bloodline, there is history of mental issues and emotional chaos. When I was 13, I hardly knew anything about life. But when I was 21, my life had evolved and I had a career, family life, hobbies. But I was infantile in the sense that I was impulsive and irrational. I could not stand being single and was OBSESSED with romantic relationships. This trauma was an opportunity to heal my generational trauma & psychological inheritance.

After my mental breakdown, I came across this content:

Some quotes from this book:

Romantic love always consists in the projection of the soul-image. When a woman falls in love it is animus that she sees projected onto the mortal man before her.

No aspect of the human psyche can live in a healthy state unless it is balanced by its complementary opposite. If the masculine mind tries to live without its “other half,” the feminine soul, then the masculine becomes unbalanced, sick, and finally monstrous. Power without love becomes brutality. Feeling without masculine strength becomes woolly sentimentality. When one side of human nature grows out of balance with the other, it becomes a tyranny in the soul.

One of the great paradoxes in romantic love is that it never produces human relationship as long as it stays romantic. It produces drama, daring adventures, wondrous, intense love scenes, jealousies, and betrayals; but people never seem to settle into relationship with each other as flesh-and-blood human beings until they are out of the romantic love stage, until they love each other instead of being “in love".

Jung once quoted a medieval alchemist who said, “Only what is separated may be properly joined.” When two things are muddled together they need to be separated, distinguished, and untangled so that they may later be rejoined in a workable synthesis. This is the correct meaning of “analysis” in psychology; to analyze is to separate out the entangled threads of one’s inner life—the confused values, ideals, loyalties, and feelings—so that they may be synthesized in a new way. We analyze romantic love, not to destroy it, but to understand what it is and where it belongs in our lives. Analysis must always serve synthesis in order to serve life; what is taken apart must be put back together again.

I unlearned all the default things I learned growing up. It was a complete rebirth in the sense of 8th house transformation. The source of my romance obsession was a deep need for self actualization and spirituality. It was a need for looking within and understanding "myself". I talk about "high value woman" but I automatically became a high value woman once I started self actualizing. I was more confident, more assertive, more stable, in control of my emotions, took time to read books, rationalized my feelings rather than be impulsive, analyzed my values, beliefs, character, flaws, failures, weaknesses. I know my insecurities and know how to handle them. It was a journey from a fucked up person to somewhat rational person. I still have my days of chaos but it gets managed.

This is what I suppose 8th house venus looks like. Self destruction and self development. However, is this the last time we go through this.......

Hey, you talked about 7th house and the shadow self in one of your posts, so I have mars and pluto in 7th house conjuction what foes that mean about my shadow self?

Hi,

I wrote about "shadow self" for sun in 7th because I have this placement. Shadow is something we discover on our own. To know it, we have to be self aware, watch our reactions, triggers, emotional ups and downs. We have to see what irritates us, annoys us, provokes us in other people. We have to see how flawed and imperfect we are and accept that. It is not just negative qualities but the positives too. Shadow is something which is not tangible or something that can be shown. It is like trying to tell someone who hasn't tasted chocolate before what it tastes like. But once you see your own shadow, you cannot go back from there. It brings peace of mind.

We have a lot of inner personalities and characters that we go through every day. I dont know much about it, when I read something I will share here.

Some dangerous advice i have heard of:

Everyone deserves love and compassion.i dont think love should be given out freely. Dont abuse others but dont wear your heart on your sleeves.

With enough love and kindness, they can change.People change when they face adversity or bad luck or suffering or any life changing event. There is no change without destruction. Dont believe the false idea of change and false claims of self improvement. People dont just change on a random friday because they have had enough of their bad behaviour

No concept of boundaries in blood related family. I dont know why this is something that we ignore in families

Mentorship and guidance will change the bad person. A lot of times i read in r/buddhism the example of angulimala whom Buddha changed. This is folklore. Please dont try to change the world

Nonduality means we all are one. See behind the flesh. See the human behind the mask. I only understand the concept of "forgiveness".

To tolerate abuse because it makes you look wise, tolerant, kind

Material pursuits are bad. spiritual pursuits are superior (even if the spiritual gurus take gifts and donations from devotees)

Be friends eith everyone. everyone has positive qualities to teach you. You dont need a bad person to teach you positive qualities.

You need to put your power outside yourself in someone. I think that guru is inside only

Life lessons. What life lessons? I dont believe in life lessons. There are life paths. I think universe is indifferent to pleasure and pain

the right person will change the bad person. Please no. Only the bad peeson can change himself. The external forces can only trigger not change them

You must empathize with bad people even. They are just ignorant. Please no. Choose your companions wisely. Beware of advise like these:

Why as an 8th house native I no longer believe that "the world is a wonderful place".

Having moon and venus in 8th house and being Scorpio ascendant, I have a crazy emotional world. Extreme sensitivity to tone, words, behaviour; dread betrayal, deception and pretentious behaviour and my own obsessions and ruminations that are that of Borderline Personality Disorder.

8th house not just brings extreme emotions but also extreme, sudden, unexpected, out of nowhere, "what just happened" type of twists and turns to life. When I say extreme, I mean my parent dealing with life threatening disease type of extreme. I don't remember ever having a smooth year in life; every single year of my life so far has been bearer of life changing transformations. Sudden downfall and sudden improvement, just like that.

Me being scientific and atheistic had a love-hate relationship with occult. I was embarrassed to admit that I began exploring astrology as a child. Being judged and called superstitious, backward, uneducated, not modern -- I refrained from using occult to research my life issues but secretly had a fascination and strong attraction to occult subjects naturally. For a long time, I kept doubting myself why would I believe in astrology? And dismissing myself by saying "it is just coincidence, it is just science, there is no mystical meaning involved" and fear of being ridiculed and memified by people, I repressed my occultist desires.

Over the last 4 years, life showed many revelations to me. First, my perception of the world was distorted. I was damn emotional and naive. I was surrounded by narcissists and sociopaths, and oh - I was a people pleaser! It is different than movies. In movies we clearly know who is the protagonist and who is the villain but in real life the evil villains pretend to be heroes. It felt so unfair and unjust. When I could no longer change the outer situations, I was compelled to change my inner life. The only path left to me was to do my own shadow work and to do self realization.

I recall a movie "In this corner of the world" in which Suzu deals with many misfortunes in the event of war and bomb attacks in Japan. She loses her brother, her right hand, her niece, houses around them are shattered, they take shelter underground to protect from bombs, there was shortage of food groceries, they were always afraid of bomb raids and warnings, always afraid of next attack, trying to help those wounded, trying to keep shelter from problems - buckets of water to relinquish the fires, tired and exhausted and frustrated by problems they did not choose but are forced upon them by fate. Her parents die eventually and sister is sick from side effects of bomb. When everything is chaotic, people console themselves by looking at the bright side of life in any way possible. "I am glad... things are not as bad", say people around her. Suzu says to herself  "I don't know what I should be glad about." Suzu goes from a smiling, happy-go-lucky girl who tries to make the best out of a bad situation, to a stone-faced, emotional wreck who can no longer find happiness in life. In the end, she finds "acceptance". Just acceptance of whatever happened. Made peace with her past.

Reference: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/TearJerker/InThisCornerOfTheWorld

Astrology Observations

water sign edition

I know when astrologers discuss manipulation, Scorpio is the first to come up. But Cancer Mars can easily take the spot of the most manipulative sign placement. If poorly aspected, cancer mars can possibly use their sweet nature to gaslight you (without even realizing it a lot of the time). I am a Libra mars and I got into a fight with a cancer mars a while back and... I do pride myself for being diplomatic especially when disagreeing with friends and they were being so mean to a mutual friend. So I was “hey you really need to stop like that’s not cool you’re making them upset.” and THEY STARTED BALLING their literal eyes out and made it about them… I was like??? I set a boundary with you?? They also had significant Aries placements and I never got to look deeper into their chart so I’m not sure why that was for them. This is an extreme example ofc, so this isn’t always the case for this placement. Cancer mars can just get really emotional when angry which I understand because I’m a cancer AC and I can cry when I get mad, not out of manipulation just like my feelings get too overwhelming or I might quite literally feel ashamed and be really hard on myself. Cancer mars is also really protective over the people they care about like Mama Bear level. They are a water sign though so they can just be moody and hold resentments/not fully express their feelings. Cancers in general are just like so cute though it’s hard to stay mad at them.

Maybe I’m biased, but I love water sign ACs. Like Scorpio, Cancer, and Pisces AC are just look so dreamy. Especially Scorpio and Pisces like they just look like heart breakers in the best way. And a lot of times they are really nice! People are always so shocked by Scorpio AC too because they can seem really intimidating but then usually they want to talk about deep stuff with you and like really care about what you have to say. Of course this all depends on what is aspecting the AC, but I’ve had pretty good associations with water ACs.

A lot of people are super afraid of the 12H because of the potential problems that it can cause in the chart but the 12H is so cool! The 12H is ruled by Pisces, so I thought it fitting to talk about! This is the house of endings, but that’s not always a bad thing! Endings mean that you can make room for what better serves you. This house is also super helpful for finding out everything that could be hiding from you or eluding you. This means you can find your potential hidden enemies and having personal placements in the 12H can point to you being extremely intuitive or psychic. Just like Scorpio needs to master how to best control their passion which will unlock their power, Pisces/12H dominants just need to master their intuition so they can unlock their power of defeating deception.

Scorpio Moons get too much shit. It’s really time to stop perpetuating that narrative. Scorpio is just as weak in the Moon placement as Libra is in Mars. Everyone has challenges in their chart ppl! I’m sorry if you were ever slighted by a manipulative scorpio moon, I really am. But scorpio moons that have put in the work are so powerful, confident, and extremely accommodating and loyal to those that they give their love to. And I swear some of you will hate on scorpio moons while you have an 8th house moon or a poorly aspected moon yourself…

That’s all for now~

Life lessons I have learned so far:

You are not supposed to connect with everyone. You are not supposed to befriend everyone. You dont like everyone, not everyone will like you.

Build strong sense of self. Be mentally and emotionally strong. I personally use Stoicism for the tools to manage my life. If you are a water dominant native, dont exist without emotional shield.

Humans work on a pattern. Identify the pattern, predict the reaction, it is easy to read people once you know how people think and feel.

You do need a little bit of external validation, external approval, narcissism. I isolate myself out of fear that I will be hurt emotionally, but i cannot live in isolation. I have to put myswlf out there. This is important for my spiritual growth.

Toxic people are everywhere. Accept this and move on with your life, albeit you become toxic yourself. If you always gossip about toxic people, whats the difference between you and them?

Have courage to assert boundaries. Have self confidence. Toxic people run a mile from you when they see they cannot influence you, you are not gullible, you wont buy their bullshit. It is as simple as that.

Do not be doormat. If you have trauma, take your time to heal it. Unhealed trauma is invitation letter to emotional predators. They can sniff it from your energy and vibes that you are vulnerable.

Forgiveness is powerful. It cuts the cords between you and your abuser. It is not my task to punish or teach lessons to bad people. It is God's work. Dont take system in your hands.

For all my trauma survivors, put a plug into your trauma wounds. Dont leave your wounds in open. If you do, predators will leech off you and you wont even realize. I picture a traumatized person like someone with nails buried in their chest. Healing means to take out each nail, let the blood and pus flow out, feel the pain and shame it brings, start healing those wounds and finally put some wax on those remaining holes. Do not expose your wounds otherwise more bad people will spot them and use them to hurt you.

Finally, create a life for yourself. I ruminated a lot on how bad people work. I delved into victim mentality until it got boring. It was much more fun to build a new life for myself and my loved ones. Build a new way of life. Build a new identity. This is the gift of venus in 8th house. To create a new lifestyle. To settle after storm.