For Last ....idk....hour I've Been Helping My Friend To Stay Alive

For last ....idk....hour I've been helping my friend to stay alive

I've been taking with her, trying to stop her from doing it

Probably I succeeded

But I had to tell MY psychologist about it because I felt not enough about it (if that makes sense )

She (psychologist) offered that she will send an email to her (my friend's) school psychologist so them ( school psychologist) will deal with it and inform her parents

I don't want her (my friend) to be mad at me because of it but I had to do so....I don't want to loose her

Eating less than 1000 kcal a day ? On a daily basis for me.... without trying hard

I think when I grow up I will overwork myself because I would think that I deserve it....

Or I will be just bored at home

I can't sleep after this conversation with my friend....I don't know if I should sleep

What if she does something while I'll be sleeping ?

I don't know

Actually I feel useless

Like I want to help people but then when they don't answer or something I feel like I did too much

I feel like I am too much

Like a burden

I feel like I only want attention, gratitude

What if I do ?

What if I don't ?

I don't know man....

I'm ill now

I have a high fever, hard af headache and sore throat

I've lost consciousness for a minute and fell on the floor

And my synesthesia is working hard, every turn on the bed is different colour or an objecte