Trying Again....maybe This Time

Trying again....maybe this time

I am about to have an theoretical driving exam

I am not so stressed what's weird

I hope I pass it easily

Cheer for me

My "dad" is mad at everything and everyone so he played his whole anger on me....ofc it made me feel bad, guilty....I don't know why but I got used to that already

My "mum" is probably thinking about divorce (she said that they have to talk seriously without me)

I don't know if it's good or bad...

I don't know anything now

I just relapsed....

Why?

Just because

Because I felt like it

Because I'm a fucking failure

Because I can

I hate myself for eating too much those two days....

I'm fat

I need to loose weight

I need to

I feel ugly

I'm ugly

I need to either vomit or work out

Or starve

Or everything at once

Yes

I'll do that

About that ^

My lungs are fucking fine.....

So now it's time for a train

I am going to the doctor tomorrow for a little control after being ill (yes, it was covid) and if she checks my lungs and they will be fine then idk man...I will jump in front of the train to see if I am unbreakable because man I am a smoker

It's hard....

It's getting harder everyday

Knowing that you're not enough

Knowing that your mental illnesses aren't enough

Knowing that people at my university got it worse

They do

There are people who are half-blind

People with autism

People with worse sh history than mine

I can't

I can't do this anymore

I can't even be good at this

I suck