I Swore To Myself That I Will Not Journal Multiple Times Or As Frequently As I Did The Past Few Months.

I swore to myself that I will not journal multiple times or as frequently as I did the past few months. Although therapeutic, journaling has solidified some memories for me that I shouod be forgetting and they push me further into the loop of overthinking. Moreover, I've journaled as if I was venting out my anger in the past few months. So now, I'm trying to redeem.

But I cant stop myself from journaling one time on tumblr. Cause it's been so long.

Firstly, I've moved on from my first crush. (Or atleast, I'm beginning to move on from him)

This is a milestone in itself because I realised that I do not want to be a secret admirer for someone I talk to very frequently that too,in a filter-free manner.

Although pretty late to join the other end of the sea called "first crushes and hormonal rushes", I've realised that it's either -

You stay a secret admirer while keeping your interactions minimal

Or

You let them know how you feel a little early in the relationship

So that you don't let the guilt of becoming a delusional take over whatever friendship you've really established enroute that's actually needed for the 2 of you but, you're too guilty when he needs you as a friend.

Learnt the lesson a really tough way, but we both have our lives moving in different paces in our unis so "it is what it is"

(I really wish we could hang out sometime soon. But I swore to not get ahead anytime soon, so)

Secondly, I began coloring in the penup app of my new tab and doodling a little albeit rarely. This got me into training my mind into being a little patient. Maybe right now I'm patient by 4% more than I was before on an average

Thirdly, I'm chronically having headaches.

It could be me stressing out or overthinking subtle things when I let my emotions and silliness take over the rationale. Also because although im not entirely a people pleaser, i have a hard time saying no and even taking it (should seriously work on better communication)

Or inadequate sleep mostly due to my inefficiency in planning things for the day or night if I'm being specific.

I should be sleeping now so I get sufficient rest for tomorrow, but I'm typing away anyways :p

Or me studying under stress! Panicking. Worrying about my future.

Or missing home and worrying about family

Or under-hydration

Or micro nutrition deficiency cause I get fatigued after I'm out in the sun, pretty easily.

So to sum everything up, my health is getting fucked up. Mental health and physical one too.

Hence the pms and pcos.

Fourthly, I read a lot than I studied in the past few months.

Be it solo leveling to begin with.

Or subtle art of not giving a fuck.

Then recently I've read It ends with us and It starts with us.

While rn I'm binging on Omniscient reader and Eaternal Nocturnal.

Even anime wise

I've watched too many it seems

Kaguya Sama

Suzume (in theatres ✨️)

Your name (rewatch, in theatres 💫, and re-rewatch in my new tab)

Your lie in april

Garden of words

Horimiya (S1)

Demon slayer (rehabilitation arc and mugen train)

I've watched many movies too

Jailer (in theatres)

Happy days

Anand

Gharshana

Good night

(Okay not too many but yeah more than my average in the recent times)

Now it makes sense why I get all panicky before exams. I almost never touched my books because I know, I know how the next 3 and the next 3 years of my life are gonna be like, academically

Lastly, yoongi's lines from magic shop are making so much sense to me right now that I want to turn back time and just live happily with my family but this time around - Imma take care of my parents more and show my brother I love him more and not think about growing up or idolize growing up. Cause adulting is so damn not easy! And I'm not even 21 yet (will be in a few months though)

It's tiring

Taxing

Exhausting

Exasperating

You can't even blame your parents anymore (that feels morally wrong!)

redraw of that one bessatsu cover

☾  i feel you in my heart and i don’t even know you 

☼ min yoongi x reader (ft. jungkook x reader)

✰ genres: drama, angst, romance, second chance

✰ warnings: explicit language, mentions of blood, infidelity, smut, mentions of depression, trauma, miscarriage, anxiety

✰ soundtrack: nineteen by hayley williams (the con x covers for tegan & sara)

summary: nearly 2 months after their divorce, yoongi and y/n wade through the aftermath of the fallout by themselves. yoongi is moving on with someone else while y/n finds herself stuck in waves of anxiety and depression. soon enough, they are brought together again by an unfortunate accident.

note: hi guys! a new social media au from me, this might be a long one! It’s actually based off a original work I was trying to write but never finished lol

1. profiles

2. it feels like you left a long time ago

3. phone in my hand and heart in my throat, it was my gift for the night

4. what do you mean?

5. i don’t want you to hurt me anymore

5.1. interlude: the news

5.5. interlude: september 10 to 22

6. these echoes of laughter fade into a distant memory

bonus ✰ soundtrack

6.5 interlude: july 11, 2020 (before things really fell apart)

7. i loved you. i’m sorry.

8. seeing you is like a dream

bonus ✰ yn’s apartment

9. stuck in emotions and i don’t know what they mean

9.5 interlude: august 4 to august 10

10. he said that’s how he still remembers me

11. no pretenses, no masks

12. time goes by and i can’t control my mind

13. never doubted myself so much (flashback)

14. crestfallen on the landing

Me after looking at the photos I took yesterday mornin

good for him

now that i rmb it, I love how Jinwoo's character reasoning for doing his job is mainly for his family. Like everyone else was second thought.

Im just so used to every mc having "I want to be number 1 hero, hokage—"(no i love these series actually lol they raised me But GOD ITS SO REPETITIVE)

The money? Its for his mom and his sister.

He risks his life for his family, he needs the quick cash to pay for sht.

"Family first" Its just so good, i love new found family plots but mngh,... It was just so new with Jinwoo's motivation and I live for it. Like yes there are other series where mcs arent motivated to be the best. But idk, Jinwoo's motivation just touches the heart.

And when he finally gets what he needs to have to provide with his family? He goes to save everyone else.

And I bet my goddamn ass that that mtf put in his insurance of billions of usd directed to Park Kyung-hye and Sung Jin-ah before he fled off for war. Jinwoo is ready to leave his family because he left them with the resources they need, his duty with them is mostly 'done' and now he needs to protect others because they need him too.

I just love his character in a genuine way not just because he's hot daddy step on me fuck yes morally-grey chaotic petty mtf that scams the living sht out of you nO—(well mostly yes but u get what I mean)

I just love Sung Jinwoo as a character

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Shingeki no kyojin

The anime that helped change the way I view the world. The anime that made me realise that dreams are dynamic too. The anime that made me learn, that forever is never. The anime that made me think about seeing change in a different light, as a possibility of becoming something new. The anime that made me rethink the way I judge people based on how little I know about them. The anime that made me see the very people I share my life and meals with in a different way. The anime that taught me what friendship is meant to be. The anime that I feel is the epitome of what workmanship and dedication should be. The anime that I'm so glad didn't end in one volume like isayama first wanted it to. The anime that made me appreciate anime music. My 2nd anime but 1st to ever make me fall in love with the process of making an anime. The voice actors who do a marvellous job. The musicians, vocalists and composers who do an irreplaceable job. The animators who only keep the story interesting. The first anime (probably because I watched it early on in my anime journey) that I am attached to.

I can see how much I've grown in the past 3 years. Definitely aot has something to do.

Infact it had many things to do.

I have many instances when I spoke wisely thanks to aot.

I can't thank aot enough for being my icebreaker and getting me a good friend.

Aot made me appreciate japanese music and culture.

The night I watched the lyrics of season 1 ending:

"Ustsukushiki zankokuna sekai"

That's when I cried and felt some emotions I never could verbally explain until that point.

I watched it while I was 17 maybe?

The summer of 2021 is ❤️‍🔥

I can't believe aot is ending sooner than my mbbs 😭😭😭😭😭

Then again, didn't it begin in 2013? Guess this is my fate and just like the scouts have it, I have to respect my fate and do the best I can.

Shinzou sasageyo ❤️‍🔥

Why does it just seem like yesterday that i was singing shogeki, red swan and akuma no ko?

Aot became my ritual and religion (religion especially when life gets too much for me)

I will miss you scouts 😭😭😭

(We've come a long way kiddos)

(I'm almost 21 and I've grown up with aot in a way)

Thank you Hajime isayama 🙏