YES! THIS!

YES! THIS!

When I was in elementary school, I tried talking to a group of kids at lunch and I’d consistently be ignored or unheard, but one time, they all turned a glared at me.

I was shocked, surprised by the reaction. I shut up and cowered, secluding myself. I thought I had done something wrong to deserve that reaction, that I had said something wrong.

So I prevented myself from speaking at all unless I have planned out my exact words perfectly in my head. Perfectionism and anxiety kept me from socializing with my peers. I analyzed my words everytime I went to speak, though it often took so long that once I had perfected my sentence, the topic had already moved on. So I just stopped trying at all, resorting to daydreaming and silently listening in on other’s conversations to entertain myself.

My dad often told me: “you are doing the world a disservice [by not socializing]” I took insult to this, thinking he was blaming me for struggling(even if it was I that had to out effort in to help myself and stop self-isolating), but now as I look back, I understand what he really meant. He loved my personality and self, and he wanted the world to see me for the beautiful person I was, but I kept failing him by locking myself away.

I didn’t really notice my loneliness until the pandemic when I was truly alone, no one to call or hang with. I used discord to help make some online friends for a few months and it helped—typing slowly and rewording your messages wasn’t frowned upon and taking time to respond was normalized in chat-based media.

I didnt talk without scripting my words for a long time. It wasn’t until 9th grade(when I was 15yo) when I rambled about Amphibia for literal hours to my therapist and friends that I finally managed to break out of the habit. Since Amphibia was my hyper fixation at the time, it was one of the few things I was confident on to not get wrong or accidentally offend someone when talking about.

I’m not good at catching subtler social cies, but I am sensitive to signs of awkwardness and irritation, so I feel incredibly punished whenever I get an upset response from people after I say something or communicate something, especially when it’s unexpected because I’m confused why I got that response and fixate on it.

Even now when I have friends and can talk confidently, my social skills are still stunted and I am scared to talk to people IRL even when I know them because I’m scared to disturb them or upset them by accident.

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People underestimate how much it fucks you up to be subtly excluded as a kid. I would try to talk to my classmates and be met with disinterest or annoyance. The one friend I had, who I clung to and nodded along to his every word, had other friends he liked just as much or more. And his other friends didn’t care for me at all.

I look back at pictures from the time and see how separated I was from them. I remember knowing I was different. I remember posing questions about the world to the girls playing next to me and realizing that they had never asked the same ones to themselves. That the ways we thought couldn’t be more different.

I kept myself amused with my own fanatical stories and musings in my head. I would wander the playground on a circular path, imagining a friend and being sorely disappointed when it didn’t feel as real as I’d hoped.

There was a bubble separating me from everyone else, thin, and nearly invisible, but with a pearly sheen you could catch under the right conditions. I knew it was there, they knew it was there, and it changed me

,0m0, crying, this is os cute yet so… i love it

I hate being bad because of fear.

Sometimes, because of my OCD and trauma, I’ll avoid certain stuff. This can be hard to explain to others so it often leads me to lie or come off as passive aggressive when I’m asked to do a task/go somewhere/touch something that I’m scared of.

I know that avoidance is unhealthy and reinforces the cycle of anxiety, but it’s so hard to fight against and I hate being so scared and shaking and just having to act fine and stay stiff and quiet because I “shouldn’t act anxious” and am “scared of nothing” according to my mother.

Though, when I promise to do something or accept a task that I then avoid and never do, it upsets people, reasonably. I hurt other people to avoid my own fear and I don’t know how to help it.

I take therapy, anxiety meds, exposure therapy and I’m getting much better but it’s still so hard. I wish it could just stop and I could follow instructions without having irritational fear making me break rules and promises.

I don’t want to be a bad kid, I wish I could be the best kid out there, but that’s just not possible right now with what’s being asked of me.

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me :)

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A Cry of Hope: A Family's Journey from the Rubble to Rebuilding 🌟

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Donate to "Save Hani and His Family: A Campaign to Rebuild Hope in Gaz, organized by Hani Yasser

A Cry of Hope: A Family's Journey from the Rubble to Rebuildi… Hani Yasser needs your support for "Save Hani and His Family: A Campaign to R

War is not just bombing and destruction; it devours our lives, strips us of safety, and takes away all our dreams. My name is Hani, a 26-year-old from Gaza. Despite all the destruction and loss, I still hold on to hope because it is the last thing I have. This is my story and the story of my family, torn apart by war but united by love and resilience. 🌱

Before the War: A Simple Life and Deferred Dreams

Before the war turned our lives into a nightmare, I was striving to achieve my dreams in social work after completing my university studies. I dreamed of contributing to improving people's lives in my community and serving the most vulnerable groups, but the lack of job opportunities in Gaza prevented me from realizing this dream. I had to work as a taxi driver 🚗 to support my large family. It wasn’t what I had planned, but it was the only way to provide for them.

We lived a in a small house in northern Gaza, trying to cope with daily difficulties, but we were together, and that was enough for us.

Then came the war, and it took everything. It turned our lives upside down, and my dreams became like scattered debris. 💔

The War: When Dreams Turned to Ruin

In one moment, we lost everything. Our home was destroyed, and the car that was my livelihood was also wrecked. We fled to the south to escape the bombings, and a tattered tent became our shelter. We now live in a camp where the heat is unbearable , and diseases surround us from all sides. My children and younger siblings live in constant fear 😔, deprived of education and safety. Their childhood was stolen from them, and their daily struggle is to find simple moments of joy in the midst of this destruction. 🎈

Despite all this suffering, hope still shines in our hearts. We believe that with your solidarity, we can rebuild our lives. 🌟

Human Solidarity: Hope in Difficult Times

Despite the distance, we received unexpected support from friends who didn’t know us personally but felt our suffering. One sent us food aid 🍞, and another sent messages of support through social media. These messages and donations renewed hope in our hearts and made us believe that the world has not forgotten our humanity. 💖

Even the support from the local community, though modest, gave us the strength to continue resisting. Some neighbors gave us what they could, offering food and medicine. That assistance was a silent message that solidarity between us can triumph over the horrors of war. 🕊️

Hope for the Future

Hope is what keeps us alive in the hardest moments. One night, I received a message from my brother Salem, who lives in a camp in Greece. He said to me, "One day we will gather in a safe place, and we will live in peace." His words were a ray of light illuminating the dark nights. 🌙

My Family: Resilience in the Face of the Impossible

My Father Yasser (55 years old): He was the pillar of the family, but chronic illnesses have made him unable to work. His health deteriorates day by day, but having him with us is a blessing we cling to. 🙏

My Mother Manal (50 years old): She suffers from diabetes and high blood pressure. Despite needing constant care, her strong will is our source of strength. 💪

My Brother Salem (27 years old): He studied electrical engineering, but had to work as a laborer in a plumbing tools factory. He suffered a severe foot injury, leading to a 70% disability. He decided to leave Gaza in search of treatment and work, and now lives in a camp in Greece. 🌍

My Sister Safaa (23 years old): She is the daily support of the family, working hard to provide food and water for us. 💧🥖

Ibrahim (15 years old): A young boy with a big heart, trying to smile despite all the tough circumstances. 😊

Nasser (7 years old), Bara’a (5 years old), and Adam (3 years old): These children have never known a true childhood, but they try to find simple moments of joy amidst the destruction. Every day they lose a part of their innocence due to the constant fear of bombings and disease. 😢

Our Daily Conditions: Between Poverty and Suffering

Each day in the camp presents a new challenge. We live in a small, dilapidated tent, and suffer from a lack of clean water 💧 and food. Medicines are expensive, and food is scarce. My children can't go to school due to a lack of resources 📚, which increases our psychological suffering. Despite all of this, we try to maintain our spirit and resilience, believing that change is possible with your support. 🌱

Our Campaign Goals: An Urgent Call to Rebuild Our Lives

We now live beneath the rubble, and our goal is to secure the essentials to rebuild our lives:

1. Secure permanent shelter for the family: Build a stable tent to protect my family from the harsh conditions. 🏡

2. Provide medical treatment for my mother and father: Fund treatment to alleviate their suffering. 💉

3. : .Return our children to education: Provide basic educational supplies for the children. 📚

4. Sustainable food support: Provide food for our family on an ongoing basis. 🍞

5. Move the to a safe place: Secure the necessary resources to relocate to a place far from conflict. 🛤️

6. Rebuild our professional lives: Start small projects to ensure financial independence. 🛠️

7. Protect the children from diseases: Secure medical tools and cleaning supplies to protect our children from illness. 🧼

Urgent Appeal

This is not just a story about a family suffering under the rubble; it is a cry of hope and resilience in the face of the impossible. My family desperately needs your support. War has destroyed us, but we have not lost faith in the possibility of rebuilding our lives. We ask you to stand by us in this difficult time, so together we can provide shelter 🏠, treatment 💊, education 📚, and food 🍞 for our children.

Every contribution no matter how small, brings us one step closer to a better life, free from fear and destruction. 🕊

Help us today to protect our future and build a tomorrow full of hope. 🌟

gofundme.com

Donate to "Save Hani and His Family: A Campaign to Rebuild Hope in Gaz, organized by Hani Yasser

A Cry of Hope: A Family's Journey from the Rubble to Rebuildi… Hani Yasser needs your support for "Save Hani and His Family: A Campaign to R

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