I Wish I Could Treat Myself The Way I Treat Others

i wish i could treat myself the way i treat others

tw. unhealthy coping mechanisms, ed, i'm bad at feelings.

i'm not a bad person. i know i'm empathetic like a stone, but at least – even though i can hardly ever understand people's feelings – i'm tolerant.

i never judge. if someone misbehaves, i don't judge because i don't know what's behind that attitude. if someone looks like shit for a day, i don't judge, because i don't know why they didn't brush their hair that day, what if they're depressed? what if something happened in their life so now they don't feel like taking care of themselves? i don't know. and if someone get a bad grade, i don't judge. maybe they've tried their best, maybe something occurred in their life so they couldn't study properly, whatever. i don't care. i'm tolerant.

you didn't answer my text? no problem, you were busy. you didn't show up? the other thing you had to do was more important. you were rude to me? don't worry, it happens, you won't do it again.

but when it comes to me, i'm not that tolerant. i don't care if i've finished studying at 3am, i'll always wake up a little earlier to do my makeup and hair and make sure i look perfect when i go to school. i get a slightly lower grade? i'm not going to sleep for the next three weeks because i need to study more. i treat someone badly because i'm annoyed about something? i won't eat as a punishment.

i am the meanest girl ever when it's about me. there's a voice in my brain that constantly tells me that i'm the worst person in the world. i'm mean, annoying, stupid, presumptuous, know-it-all, rude, emotionless. even though i rationally know that, actually, there's nothing wrong with me. i'm not a saint, but i'm not evil.

and i sincerely ask myself, why am i so hard on myself? i wish i could just treat myself the way i treat others.

this should be written on the walls

things to include more of in your life

walking in the rain

waking up feeling refreshed

turning off your phone

hugging your friends

complimenting people

museum visits

taking photos of yourself and people you love

planting flowers and fruit trees

ice-cream in summer

songs to dance to

learning things because it interests you

walks in the middle of nature

cute pens and notebooks

cooking your own meals

more inner peace. more success. more abundance. unexpected blessings. genuine souls + divine connections. happiness. prosperity. mental clarity. health and wellness. divine + spiritual guidance. constant growth. wisdom. consecutive wins. more love. all love unconditionally.

guided by God. surrounded by love. living in gratitude. receiving blessings. experiencing joy. focused on myself.

if you weren't ready you wouldn't have the opportunity.

if you weren't capable of it you wouldn't have the desire.

me every three seconds when i'm not in the mood for studying: