Academic Validation - Tumblr Posts
Emptiness was soaking through my clothes
Keeping me on the chair by the dinner table
Full of books,
Full of notes
The ground was not to be seen
It swallowed and swallowed yet there was no end to this misery
My mind froze, unable to comprehend what was going on
My eyes were searching, any option would do
My hands tried to move but it was futile
With every fibre of my being I was protesting for hours on end
But the hollowness had already surrounded me
Taunting me, waiting for me to give in
My own memories turned against me
Remembering actions and occurrences and trying to find a solution within
A solution I cannot accept
The walls were quietly listening to the spectacle
My suffering was their delight
I was in a forest perhaps
The trees were looking at me with pity
Of course, they wouldn't understand anything
Their comprehension was far beyond mine
Like everyone elses
Slowly my head became a brooding place for the wights of hopelessness
Confind to the chair they gave me my destiny
Give up
Emptiness was soaking through my clothes
Keeping me on the chair by the dinner table
Full of books,
Full of notes
The ground was not to be seen
It swallowed and swallowed yet there was no end to this misery
My mind froze, unable to comprehend what was going on
My eyes were searching, any option would do
My hands tried to move but it was futile
With every fibre of my being I was protesting for hours on end
But the hollowness had already surrounded me
Taunting me, waiting for me to give in
My own memories turned against me
Remembering actions and occurrences and trying to find a solution within
A solution I cannot accept
The walls were quietly listening to the spectacle
My suffering was their delight
I was in a forest perhaps
The trees were looking at me with pity
Of course, they wouldn't understand anything
Their comprehension was far beyond mine
Like everyone elses
Slowly my head became a brooding place for the wights of hopelessness
Confind to the chair they gave me my destiny
Give up
Emptiness was soaking through my clothes
Keeping me on the chair by the dinner table
Full of books,
Full of notes
The ground was not to be seen
It swallowed and swallowed yet there was no end to this misery
My mind froze, unable to comprehend what was going on
My eyes were searching, any option would do
My hands tried to move but it was futile
With every fibre of my being I was protesting for hours on end
But the hollowness had already surrounded me
Taunting me, waiting for me to give in
My own memories turned against me
Remembering actions and occurrences and trying to find a solution within
A solution I cannot accept
The walls were quietly listening to the spectacle
My suffering was their delight
I was in a forest perhaps
The trees were looking at me with pity
Of course, they wouldn't understand anything
Their comprehension was far beyond mine
Like everyone elses
Slowly my head became a brooding place for the wights of hopelessness
Confind to the chair they gave me my destiny
Give up
Is anyone else so angry at themself for all the time you've wasted not being yourself? I'm looking back to my days of perfectionism and academic validation, and I'm so pissed that I let myself go so low to just feel important. I've always been important. And it sucks that I took so long to figure it out.
guys
there is this cute guy in my calc class, and he's pretty smart. honestly, i think the only reason i think he's cute is because he explained to me how to get the curvature of a vector
we had our first exam last week and he was talking about how he was so ready, and he was going to demolish the curve
fast forward to yesterday when we got our tests back, we were comparing answers and he noticed that we had both gotten the same grade. i have never felt as happy as when i wiped that smug look from his face.
Me core ౨ৎ
"I am a stained glass window in a place with no light." - saturnfairycat 2024
Refuge
Archive #3 | copyright to saturnfairycat
Author's note: Hiya! Short one today, I have been meaning to try and write more concisely in my essays... because, well, the whole ordeal of "less is more". So I thought that also applies to writing, so, here we are!
Refuge
---------------------------------------------
God forbid I write about happiness.
For I find comfort in suffering, like an old friend that I know I can always rely on.
---------------------------------------------------------
The Orchestra
Archive #4 | copyright to saturnfairycat
Author's note: Welcome back to another depressive episod-
The Orchestra
----------------------------------------------------
Crushing.
I feel sick to my gut retching in disgust.
I hear the orchestra haunting me in the forgotten corridor passages in my ears,
Daunting me.
I feel faint from exhaustion.
Am I truly in the works with the devil? Blessed to be cursed upon arrival when I finally realise my true nature?
My fingertips are still cold from gliding across the icy surface of your deadbeat heart.
Are your walls strong enough to withstand my pride?
Did you love me because it was me? Or did you love me because it was your first experience of love?
Droplets of sin kiss my dull skin like an after shower of rain as a cauldron of emotions floods my walls and pushes against me in ripple tides.
For shame has bewitched me.
It's hard to breathe;
Hard to stay awake.
Will the cello ever outshine the violin?
Breaking their backs just to be working behind the scenes,
Whose sole purpose is to make the other shine.
The moon and cello;
The violin and the sun.
I'm chained;
I repeat my mistakes to the point my hands are tied.
The escape is merely pleasant for the short term investment of loss.
What is there to guarantee if not tarnishment—
Your blood stains my silverware, your flesh between my teeth.
You can wash away your thoughts but mine linger like the smell of rot.
Your walls hindered the sound of the conductor's strained sigh,
His graceful arms swayed to the point of silence, reminiscing about his first love.
His torment fixated on me as a warning.
The orchestra—
A sickly sweet melody turned bitter as it sounded like a death march.
Their fight to be heard makes me shudder as I chew on my regret.
Does the conductor ever lose focus on all who plays?
Some are cast out to sea as others are broken down into pieces to be moulded into framework.
Paintings are a sheer will of power that articulates format.
Control?
Not yours.
You may be a canvas with brushed out colours, but you are not art as that truly has meaning.
Meaning— comes from your heart alone.
Something that you do not wish to seek without a second opinion.
Drowning sounds more appealing than being left alone on driftwood.
The seemingly endless waves of potential frightens the fallen angel that has clipped wings.
Never meant for the sea:
Never had the chance to fly.
Just…
Floating.
Drowning sounds more comforting.
But why do I still hear the orchestra? Even as I sink down... down...
Down....
Down.....
How ironic that hell is supposedly down to the core of the earth,
How the warmth of the centre is seen as evil.
Such lies— for which I only feel the cold.
The tight feeling of goosebumps chokes my soul as my body gives in,
For what it feels like I am reaching the bottom of the cauldron.
Sinking.... Dragged down further than I can register in my delusional head...
…
…
….
The sweet cries of the violin are muffled down here.
I can hear the cello–
Oh,
The moon…
It shines down here.
-------------------------------------------------------
Asphyxiate
Work #2 | copyright to saturnfairycat
Author's Note: holy shit?? another "official" work??? ain't no wayyyy. Anyway, time for the debrief. Debrief: Word count: 738 Warnings: gore, sensitive content, trigger warnings, horror, death. Enjoy!
Asphyxiate
------------------------------------------------------
Suffocation.
I couldn’t breathe through all the corpses piled on top of the mighty pyramid. The irony of “mighty” is strong. I swore I could see a glimpse of light at the surface, but I knew from the lack of flesh beneath my spine that I was at rock bottom. If the plague doesn’t kill me, the pressure will.
I’m freezing, the detached limbs hovering around me like a ritual circle didn’t help the goosebumps on my skin— or my teeth chattering. I am shaking, in a jigsaw-like position. It’s silent, but too silent.
It allows the aftermath of the sheer pressure from above to be heard. The sudden cracks of bone and the moan of flesh being ripped apart; all because of the build up from the weight of it all… it causes ringing in the ears. It’s sickening. I will be one of those cracks soon.
There is an eerie, hollow feeling inside this pile. Everything present is here on purpose; I am liable because it was written in stone. How I wish my bones would turn into stone. There is something directly lying on top of my forehead and it’s crushing my skull. Blood is gushing towards my brain— adrenaline is kicking in as I panic from the pain. I can’t even open my eyes, and the smell has me in a chokehold.
It’s dark, but I am starting to see red. I can’t see, yet it feels like a thousand cold, dead fingers are grasping at my thighs. Is the flesh around me rotting, or is it my knees that have started to decay? I’m going to die. I’m actually going to die. But… I can’t. I have so much waiting on me. I finally have something to live for. I have to protect and experience… and live.
How did I end up here? This is the borderline simulation–
I remember the murmurs in the back of my distant mind. It feels close and yet further than the sea of stiffness on top of me. The snickering, but not from the dejected faces that surround my decrepit body. Mockery? Or was it obstinate? I recall confusion and panic— the necessity of changing face.
“I am just so tired, why am I never enough? I try so hard.”
“I understand how you’re feeling–”
“No, don’t even try to please me. You’re a bad liar. How could you EVER understand how I’m feeling? You’re perfect, you never had to try–”
Perfection is a dirty word, especially when it neglects the backstage input.
Memories drown my head like I’m on a boat, casted away into never-ending sea. The rocking from left to right is vomitous, churning my stomach like a horrible stew. I am probably hallucinating, it’s all just a bad dream. It shakes me— not the cold— but the thought of being just a face. A mask designed for success. Everyone wants a different version of a product; some want pink, while others prefer red. You’re bored? Just throw it away… wait, what?
The tower looks more like a pile found in a dumpsite than anything, what it looks like from the outside must be appalling. Was I thrown away? One of those mere faces? No. I said already that I’m at rock bottom, that doesn’t make sense…
Oh.
…I’m the first face.
The realisation makes my skull cave in. I can’t do this, this can’t be the end. Not like this, never like this. Is that how the people around me died? Did they know it was their demise? Am I the only one who has the true fate of misfortune? I need help. Anyone? I need anyone. Everyone. I can’t think, is the air getting lighter? I think I can open my eyes now, it’s brighter than before. But I can’t breathe, my chest is heaving mountains at this point. Help? HELP. PLEASESOMEONEHELPME.
Hollow in the gaps, but solid as a whole. No one can hear no one in this pile, the dead corpse consumes the noise pollution like it was their first meal from the afterlife. Half of my consciousness is slipping, while the other half mocked me. This is it. But it can’t be. I have so many regrets, I have so many things I want to do right. I need to live my life right, this can’t be happening, I need help. I NEED HELP I NEED HELP. I nee–
--------------------------------------------
𝜗𝜚
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♡ Study Tips That Actually Work ♡
-------♡♡♡-------
Here are some study tips that ACTUALLY work!!~ :-
• Blurting Method:-
Start by reading the topic and then the text or the information, skim over everything one by one and write down what you remember from what you've just read. Write the important information underlined and the normal information normally so that the underlined ones seem more stood-out.
Repeat this untill you've got the whole topic right.
• Teaching:-
When you understand a topic either perfectly or partly, try skimming over the topic repeatedly untill you're sure that you actually understand the information which you thought you have understood. Now go get a friend (and if you don't have one, go get your mommy or daddy and if they're busy, go get that c.ai bot or your sibling.) and start teaching them what you read and understood. This will improve your memory skills and improve the way you create and form information on your own based on what you have read.
• Hometests:-
If you don't have the patience to sit and learn complex stuff which are just too hard to remember, skim over them and try to understand each sentence, write down each one after each one and skim over through the information one last time before closing the book and writing the whole info without looking. After finishing the test, go get the textbook and correct your own answers. Study more on what you r got wrong and just skim over normally on what you've got right.
• Singing:-
You know what? Screw it. You memorise a whole Lana Del Rey's song just by hearing 4-5 times but can't memorise those History events? Sing. Pick a fav song of yours and connect your information (that you want to memorize) to the song. Like just sing along the tune of your fav song but with the lyrics which are the topic from your lesson that you wish to memorize. Sing and sing, then it'll get easyyyy!!~
So... That's all for this one!! Follow for more Study tips!~
by ♡ 𝓔𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓵 𝓗𝓮𝓻 ♡
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