Well My Confession Today Is Kinda Weird...

Well my confession today is kinda weird...

Im so jealous of seeing other people happy with their parents... u know. I was watching a BTS clip and V was talking to his dad so happy telling him he was on his way to Norway asking him if he was jealous .. i laughed & i swooned, i was genuinely happy for him cos in that moment he looked so happy and it spread through to me as well but then my laughter turned bitter very fast.

I want that too... the relationship with my father. To call him out of the blue and tell him that im doing this or im going there... that this happened to me and m excited... i want someone to share great news with whom i know is genuinely happy for me like my dad or my mum.

But then again my life is not a bed of roses... that is not portion... i do have good news but i have no one to celebrate with... and sadly i cry alone whether its good or bad news cos either way its sad 😭😭😭...

Its a sad life tbh🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🥱 m just hanging in here

Dear BTS

I love you, you make me happy. Please don't ever stop and don't doubt yourself keep going.

I hate waking up in the morning on a Monday. Especially when im running out of meds and i have to find money to buy some medicine. It's not like ibdo not have money or anything butbi just hate spending my money on stuff like this.

My problem is PAIN. I mean not physical pain but mental pain. I just want it to stop and my doctor says one day it will stop with therapy and medication and that is why i have to keep on taking my medication. I hate it though. This past weekend I was in pain.

Nothing was fun, i was having nightmares, then i woke up tired and then i spent the whole day overthinking and then the cycle continued. I tried listening to music i mean BTS music always gets me out of this but this weekend i could not get out because of the stupid dreams. I have recently started reading fanfiction too so that helped wscape a lil bit. I hate watching movies and series i cancelled my Netflix membership on Friday. I mean i guess season changes is affecting me maybe.

Yesterday i was thinking about how im so alone and no one really knows me, like the real me. Like how im just a shell of myself. The things i go through i have no one who I can actually share with who gets me. My mum is not here and my dad too and my relationship with my brother is strained because we grew up apart because of the death of our parents so we are really not that close. So who can i really show the real me who can understand my journey and what i have been and talk back to me and say I understand.

People tell me God understands and i know He does, Km sure He watches over me, I have no doubt about that at all. But He never is there to hug me back and say its okay you can cry all you want. All i have is a pillow and an empty bed and room that i face and talk to with hopes that God is not too busy to hear me whine again about how Im sad again today. How nothing makes sense and how i just want to sleep forever.

He must be burdened to have a kid like me. In my last appointment with my psychiatrist i did not like how i felt at all. I hate it. But i felt guilty our appointment and started feeling as if maybe im being needy and being an attention seeker and just spending money to have someone talk to me. I guess that's just messed up. So i was thinking of stopping taking the medication and stopping therapy altogether and just let it go. Not die i mean just stop and i don't know. See what else is available as an option for me.

This became longer than i intended but i guess m too emotional today..

We all have those days i guess

Will keep holding on until next time

taehyung remembered when jungkook said that the hardest part for him is seeing his hyungs having a hard time + jungkook’s cute reaction 🥺

What is your greatest most fear? One that when you are asked you day goes from gold to blueblack. If it was sweet juice you sipping it suddenly turns sour. One that turns the heat up full blast. I mean the fear that makes you feel extremely uncomfortable.... That is my questions to you the blog readers today. I hope you identify that fear and find the thing that sometimes takes away your joy and or the thing standing in between ypu and your dreams right now.

I pray all goes well as you discover that thing

Until next time😘😘😘 and 🤗🤗🤗

💜

Im crying... i love kim Namjoon so much, hope he knows that

he always knows what to say ♡