There Are Some Days Where I Will Absolutely Happily Chew Through 3934849 Fics Of The Exact Same Premise/trope/plot

There are some days where I will absolutely happily chew through 3934849 fics of the exact same premise/trope/plot and then some days where I don't even want to touch a fandom or pairing because the Popular Trope Trap is so significant within it I simply don't have the energy or willpower to wade through it all to find something else.

I think maybe on those days my main issue is that there's sometimes not much variance within the trope itself. Coffee Shop AUs, for example. They're almost always meet-cutes or meet-awkwards. Its always some harried barista wistfully using hot drinks to flirt with an even hotter customer. Its almost always winter or Christmas and its an endless cycle of the same puns, dialogue and endings.

Give me the coffee shop that's a front for the mafia. Remember that post about the guy who went into the restaurant and it was so very clearly a mafia front but he got served anyway and had the time of his life? Give me that!

Give me the customer watching a "barista" in a three piece suit nearly lose an arm trying to froth a latte for the first time. A man who kills for a living slowly experiencing a mental breakdown as he tries to add a leaf decor to a cappuccino. Mr. Dark and Deadly dying inside as a gaggle of sorority girls rush the counter for 32 pumpkin spice vanilla two-pump caramel syrup extra shot whipped creams.

Give me the customer accidentally ordering the one very specific drink that is actually a secret code and getting a cup full of cocaine baggies instead. Or a man who joins him at the table with an expensive iPad and begins asking him all sorts of weird questions about how he wants his lawn mowed or his pest control problem handled.

Give me the poor barista who applies for the job not knowing its a mafia front. Who just thinks its some weird rich people business venture because nobody really buys coffee there but it never goes out of business and oh my god that is not a bag of coffee grounds that is a bag of so, so many drugs.

Teacher-parent AUs? Hey, guess what, my child is actually a werewolf but hasn't had his first change yet and we all just assumed he was born human except oops, he isn't, because he just suddenly became a little snacksized werewolf in the middle of detention and you're screaming and he's stuck in his desk chair howling and wow you are absolutely right when you say teachers do not get paid enough to deal with what they do.

Hi hello yes, I'm the private tutor you hired, what a lovely little family of... 5.... 9.... 15 children you have. I'm so sorry to hear you're single, Mrs. Henderson. I'm sure their father would be proud you're raising them so well. What do you mean there's no father? What do you mean you made them? What do you mean; 'would I like to see the lab'?

Just. Give me some flavor sometimes.

Cripple is a slur. Please don't use it if you're able bodied

I have repeatedly stated that I am disabled.

Actually I think having kids is too normalized.

I mean like; not only has it become an expectation for people (not just talking about fascists and sexist pigs controlling women's choices) but people are just so... Out of touch with what "having a baby" actually means.

Not just for the immediate future but also long term.

"We'll cross that bridge if it comes to it!" is an alarmingly common response these days when parents are questioned about the future with their child. People seem to be so caught up in just having a child and a pretty nursery that they don't seem to think beyond that point at all.

I know so, so many people who suffered a shitty upbringing because their parents had a child because "its just what couples do." Parents who never planned for unforeseen circumstances. Parents who left crucial developmental stages to other people. Parents who never bothered to learn how to actually raise another human being.

Want to feel alive?

Enjoy flirting with danger?

Love the taste of thrill and risk?

Willing to walk on the wild side?

Argue with an unhinged BTS fan about how other groups are successful completely independently of BTS today!