A Worse Pill To Swallow: The Return Of The Jilted Jessiebelle Plot

A Worse Pill to Swallow: The Return of the Jilted Jessiebelle Plot

Jessiebelle kills Dumbledore Meowth! The resurrection ritual will blow your mind!!!1eleven!

Here lies the thrilling conclusion to "A Worse Pill to Swallow."

Part one is here.

Part two is here.

This fic contains: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; bizarre anti-abortion overtones; general angst; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; weepy!James (but can you really blame him, considering what twelve!me did to his life?); dickish!Jessie; generic boyfriend!Meowth; random “Jessiebelle does dark magic” plotline that goes absolutely nowhere; odd ideas about romance; loose understanding of the occult; possibly demonic kitten plotline that goes nowhere; kitten birthing scenes (make it double!); Twerps witness the miracle of Pokébestial childbirth; major character death (that gets undone by the most bullshit of methods); questionable song parody; JAMES EATS A PLACENTA; desecration of grave; ellipses abuse

-O-o-O-

*They all get ready for bed. That night at about 12:30 AM, Meowth is woken up by James shaking him.

James: Meowth! Meowth! I think it's time! Meowth: Breathe and push. (takes James's pants off)

*James starts breathing and pushing. He screams because of the pain.

James: It's not easier the second time! It just hurts more! Meowth: Hold my hand, Jimmy.

*James holds Meowth's hand. His pain increases.

James: (squeezes Meowth's hand) AHHH!

*James's other hand is in a fist.

Meowth: Push, James! James: (crying) I'm trying to!

*Team Twerp is spying on them.

Ash: What the crap?! Brock: This is weird. Misty: ….Maybe we should've camped out in a cave.

*James is pushing as hard as he can. He feels a kitten coming out.

Meowth: Push! James: AHHHH! (pushes)

*The push makes three of the kittens pop out.

Kittens: Meow! James: If I could get this last one out….(straining) Just one more left, Meowth….(squeals, pushes) Meowth: You're almost there! James: (weakly) Help, Meowth…. Meowth: Push, James! James: (pushes) EEEEE!

*A little kitten pops out.

Kitten: Meow! James: Ohhh….(falls back into bed)

*Meowth bites off the umbilical cords, then goes back to gingerly patting and rubbing James's hand.

James: (tired) So I didn't have ten kittens. Jessie: You do realize you just gave birth in front of the Twerps?

*James blushes, smiles sheepishly, and sweat-drops.

Meowth: You should just rest, James. It's late and you just had four kittens.

*Meowth gives the kittens bottled milk pumped from James's nipples. He scrapes the afterbirth onto a plate for them to eat. James goes back to sleep.

*The next day….

James: (sing-songishly) Oh, kittens! It's feeding time!

*James opens his shirt and picks up a kitten. The kitten bites James on the nipple and glares at him.

James: He hates me. I birthed him, and he hates me. (teary) What did I do wrong? Meowth: The others like you.

*All the other kittens sniff and lick at James.

James: I think they're just hungry. Meowth: I'll take care of this one for now. (picks up a milk bottle) James: I'll feed the other three.

*Two of the kittens suckle from James. The third one drinks a bottle of James's milk. The kittens take turns drinking from bottles and suckling from James, like the last litter did.

*A few weeks later, James takes a ride on Meowth's rocket again. A few weeks after this, James wakes up in the middle of the night to vomit.

*Minor detail: the snowstorm has kept up and Team Twerp is still stranded there.

*James gets out the pregnancy test for Pokémon and pees on the grey oval. Meowth notices James isn't in bed with him and gets up. He sees a light under the bathroom door.

Meowth: (knocks on door) Jimmy? You okay in there? James: (spaced out) Meowth? Meowth: Yes, James? James: (spaced out) Would you believe me if I told you that I'm pregnant again? Meowth: This is the third time. James: (spaced out) I know.

*There is silence for a minute. James is thinking about how his life got to this point.

James: Meowth? Will you please come in and nurse me? I'm about to get very, very sick.

*Meowth "nurses" James and makes sure none of the "sickness" lands outside the toilet. That's pretty much all he can do at this point.

Meowth: You definitely have a kitten in there. James: How many this time?

*Meowth gets out the "Kitten 2000 Pregnancy Test," a test that tells how many kittens a Meowth (or a James) will have. James pees on the grey oval. After a minute, a blue "1" appears.

James: Finally….A single birth. Meowth: But it'll probably seem equal to at least three kittens. James: (sighs) I'm used to it.

*James gets off the bathroom floor. He will probably be back there soon.

James: I guess I'll go back to bed. Any suggestions on what I should do?

*James is standing with a hand on his hip. His blue hair looks wet and his white pajamas look translucent because of the sweat. Meowth has a few ideas about what he wants to do with James in bed, but he wisely keeps them to himself.

Meowth: I think you should stay in bed—I mean—off your feet for a while.

*James sits down on the bed, feeling the kitten move.

James: I don't know why, but I'm really nervous this time. Meowth: You shouldn't be nervous. You're practically a pro at this. James: I just feel like something very bad is about to happen.

*Let's skip ahead to see why James is so nervous.

*Jessiebelle breaks in and kills Meowth with an occult knife.

James: No….He can't die. I'm still pregnant with his kitten. Jessie: He's gone, James.

*Like James is going to settle for "he's gone."

James: No. He can't be. He's not. This is just one of my crazy dreams, isn't it? Isn't it, Jessie?! This is just a dream, right?! Right?! Jessie: James, he's dead for real. James: Oh, no….(sits down heavily) No! (starts crying) Jessie: Don't cry, it's not good for the kittens. James: (weakly) This must've been why I was so nervous. (screaming and sobbing)

*The next day is a cold, cloudy day. The weather makes Meowth's gravesite look like a barren field. James comes out of the cabin, dressed entirely in black. He's wearing a black cloak with a small red "R" on it. He looks sad and his unkempt hair is blown limply by the wind. Basically, he looks defeated. He walks over to Meowth's grave and kneels down.

James: Why, Meowth? Why did you have to die? You never got to see your kitten. I'll never get to see your face light up at its birth. Sure, Jessie will help me, but now I'll need a photograph to compare the kitten's looks to yours.

*James stands up. He starts singing quietly.

James: (singing to the tune of "American Pie," the Madonna version) You left me singing….Why, why did Meowth die? We've got kittens, you were smitten by Jessiebelle's knife. We're down to two, with Jessie and I. I can't continue being a bad guy. I can't continue being a bad guy….

*The twerps are watching from a distance.

Misty: That's a nice song. James: (blushes) Thank you. (sighs) Meowth used to love helping me sing the kittens to sleep.

*They stand there silently.

Misty: I should be getting back to the group. James: Goodbye, Misty. Misty: Goodbye, James.

*James goes back into the cabin. His face looks drained of color, except for a red flush because of the cold wind. He goes into the bedroom and lies down in bed. He dreams Meowth's spirit comes back. He wakes up, quietly.

James: Meowth's spirit came back to me. Maybe Meowth will, too.

*James feels the time to give birth coming closer until one stormy night….

James: The kittens are coming! Jessie: Push! James: (pushes and screams) I know I can do this! (pushes) Kitten: (pops out partially) Meow! James: OH MY GODS! (screams, pushes)

*The kitten pops out fully. This time, James must bite off the umbilical cord.

Kitten: Meow! James: He's beautiful. (gets teary-eyed) But Meowth won't see this. (starts crying)

*Jessie comforts James and holds him as he breastfeeds the kitten. A little while later, he and the kitten share the placenta as a snack.

*The next day, after the kitten is more alert, James takes him outside to see Meowth's grave.

James: See that? That's Meowth's grave. He helped give you life. (softly) Unfortunately, you'll never get to meet him. Kitten: Meow? James: He was murdered. (starts to cry) Kitten: Meow. (snuggles up against James)

*The little kitten meows and smiles up at James.

James: (sniff) I love you. And your father did, too. (holds kitten close, starts crying again)

*After a while, James stops crying.

James: (dark voice) I cry too much. Jessie was right. Every single day, I cry.

*James's tone scares the kitten. The kitten starts to cry.

James: (near to tears again) Now I've scared my own kitten. (to kitten) It's all right, I didn't mean to take that tone of voice. I'm sorry I scared you. (sniffles)

*Tears run down James's face. He cradles and rocks the little kitten. The kitten stops crying.

James: It's all right. Don't cry.

*He is answered by a quiet snore and a small meow while breathing. The kitten has fallen asleep.

James: (smiles sadly) How sweet. He snores like a combination of me and….(voice trails off) I don't know what I'm going to do if I end up mentioning….I can't even say my own teammate's name. Am I too traumatized?

*Jessie comes out to comfort James. Wobbuffet comes out of his Pokéball.

Jessie: Get back in, Wobbuffet!

*Wobbuffet goes over to Meowth's grave and pees on it.

James: (gasps) Wobbuffet! Show some respect!

*The dirt shifts. A paw punches out of the earth, followed by the rest of a very dirty Meowth. Jessie and James are surprised.

James: Meowth? You're….you're alive?! Meowth: Apparently, Wobbuffet urine has regenerative properties. (looks at James) Is that the new kitten? James: Yes. I'm sorry you didn't get to see his birth. Meowth: (smiles) Don't worry. I saw it.

*A simple, happy ending to a complicated Pokébestial story.

-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Wobbuffet should pee on my music taste; maybe it'll get better.

A Worse Pill to Swallow: A Bonkers Blueshipping Mpreg Pokéfic (part one of three)

I was twelve years old when I wrote this. Enjoy my oldfic if you dare.

Warnings: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (warning because some people might be disturbed by it, even though Meowth can consent in this story); unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy (I think mpreg is fine, just explain it maybe); bizarre anti-abortion overtones (the views expressed in this fic by twelve me do not represent the views of adult me); general angst; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; weepy!James (even moreso than he is in canon); dickish!Jessie; generic boyfriend!Meowth; odd ideas about romance; kitten birthing scene; ellipses abuse

-O-o-O-

*Meowth gets ready for bed. His beautiful, blue-haired virgin waits quietly for him. Obviously, that's James. He's wearing white pajamas: a white button-down shirt and white shorts. Very cute.

Meowth: (thinking) He looks so innocent, I almost hate to take his virginity away. (out loud) Are you ready? James: (turns around and smiles) Yes.

*James isn't afraid to reveal his body. He used to cringe at the thought of naked people, but he isn't afraid to expose himself to Meowth and let Meowth "explore" his body. If they're going to break the rules, they might as well enjoy it.

*A few weeks later, James wakes up nauseated. He goes into the bathroom and starts vomiting. Meowth wakes up because he notices James isn't in bed with him.

Meowth: James? Are you okay? James: (puking noises)

*Meowth goes in. James is wiping his mouth.

Meowth: What's wrong? James: I don't know. I guess I'm coming down with something. Meowth: (takes James's temperature) You don't have a fever. Hey, wait! I have an idea! Maybe it's hypothermia. James: Meowth, it's not even cold outside. Meowth: It was worth a try.

*They're both silent for a minute.

James: Remember when we….you know. Meowth: The night after the Shuckle incident? James: Yes. What if….something strange happened? Meowth: There's only one quick, private way to find out.

*Meowth takes out a pregnancy test for Pokémon (because James would have kittens).

Meowth: Here, pee on the grey oval. Then we need to wait a minute.

*James pees on the grey oval. Then he and Meowth nervously wait for sixty seconds, which feels like sixty years. When they look at the oval again, a blue plus sign has appeared. James and Meowth stare at it, then stare at each other. James has tears in his eyes.

James: Oh, Meowth, what are we going to do? Meowth: It's not the end of the world, Jimmy. James: Is there anything I can do? Meowth: There are pills that can end it in twenty-four hours.

*James rests his head on the toilet seat and starts to cry. He does not want to kill anything, especially a little kitten that hasn't even had a chance to live.

James: How long does it take for kittens to develop? Meowth: About sixty-three days. James: I have to put up with this for nine weeks?! Meowth: It's been a few weeks, maybe you're a few weeks pregnant? James: (sighs) I might as well get used to it. Meowth: You mean, you're actually going through with this? James: What else can I do?

*James and Meowth gaze into each other's eyes. They hug, then make out. James looks down, then looks away, giggling.

James: The kitten is already feisty. Meowth: I guess if it's moving, you're about four weeks along.

*James and Meowth make out again.

*A few days later, James is five weeks pregnant. He gets out a plate and warms up a hotdog. Then he covers it in chocolate sauce and starts eating it. Jessie stares at him.

Jessie: What's the deal with that food combination? Meowth: Well, we definitely know he's pregnant now.

*James then drinks two glasses of milk.

*Later in the bedroom, James and Meowth are getting ready for bed. James is folding his clothes on a chair, when he suddenly gasps and clutches his stomach.

James: Those kicks couldn't have come from just one kitten. Meowth: Kittens can come in groups of three to ten.

*James sits down heavily on the bed and winces as the kittens kick again.

James: Three to ten?! I thought I was only having one. (winces) I feel like a Snorlax. Meowth: It's definitely more than one. James: (eyebrow raise) Really? (looks down at stomach) Meowth: Cats can sense these things, you know.

*James has a puzzled look on his face as he looks down at his stomach. He's feeling the kittens settling down and….gently vibrating?

Meowth: What are they doing now? James: I think they're falling asleep. And purring.

*The next day, James wakes up at noon. Meowth is sitting next to him on the bed.

Meowth: You slept a long time. You must've been beat. James: Bearing a whole litter of kittens is hard work.

*Meowth makes sure his claws don't come out when he strokes James's soft, silky, blue hair. This immediately makes James smile. It also causes the kittens to move, making James sigh.

Meowth: Is it the kittens again? James: Of course. (blushes)

*James and Meowth start kissing and stroking each other. This is very soppy and like a romance novel, but Meowth did impregnate James, so….

*Later, Jessie, James, and Meowth are watching TV. James's mood swings begin to kick in when a romantic telephone commercial plays.

James: (wipes away tears) What a sad commercial. It makes me want to— Jessie: Cry? That's all you've done since you first started this ridiculous relationship! The commercial wasn't that sad. James: (irritated) Are you calling me a crybaby? Jessie: What if I am? That's what you are, anyway. Count one day out of the last five weeks when you didn't cry.

*James glares at her.

James: At least I'm not heartless! Meowth: Quit fighting, you two. It's not good for the kittens. James: (angrily, at Meowth) Haven't you done enough?!

*James flounces out of the room and slams the bathroom door.

Meowth: See what you did to him! You know he's going to be irritable. Jessie: I didn't know James could be irritable. He should wear a mood ring so I know. Meowth: Not funny. Jessie: It wasn't meant to be. Meowth: Do you mean the joke wasn't meant to be funny, or that James wasn't meant to have kittens? Jessie: Yes.

*James is listening to their conversation from the bathroom. He immediately goes to the toilet and throws up. He starts to regret having a Pokébestial relationship and starts to cry silently. A sharp pain makes him crumble into a ball on the floor, sobbing helplessly.

*After James cries for a while, he feels the pain go away. The kittens aren't kicking him anymore and have gone to sleep. James dozes off in front of the toilet.

*Jessie, James, and Meowth don't talk to each other until bedtime, when James apologizes.

James: Jessie? Meowth? Jessie and Meowth: Yes? James: I've been thinking. I may have said some things I didn't mean. I was just irritable from the hormones. I'm sorry. Jessie and Meowth: Apology accepted. James: (voice breaking) And Meowth, if I offended you when I….(sniff)…when I said you've done enough….(gets teary-eyed, then starts crying) I'm sorry! I didn't mean it. I love you. (hugs Meowth tightly to his bosom) Meowth: (smushed) Apology accepted, but not needed. James: Thanks, Meowth. (sniff) Meowth: (smushed) You're welcome, but please stop hugging me. James: Oh. Sorry. (puts Meowth down)

*A few weeks later, James is nine weeks pregnant. He's actually not showing that much, since Meowth kittens are a lot smaller than human babies.

*Every time James has to go to the bathroom, Meowth comes with him in case it's time for the kittens to be born. One night, James gets up to use the bathroom. Meowth goes with him.

Meowth: You'll only have to put up with this for a few more days. James: It feels like….(winces, holds stomach) It feels like a kitten could just pop out now.

*James starts to feel like he needs to poop. He suddenly feels a sharp pain in his stomach.

James: (yells) Meowth! Meowth: What?! What?! James: (strained) I think it's time now. Meowth: Breathe. Lie down.

*James's attempt to birth the kittens backfires. They go back to bed. James gets up several more times in the night.

James: (moans) This is the ninth time I've had to get up.

*Meowth is still in bed. James didn't bother to wake him up. Meowth wakes up to hear a small cry from James. He runs into the bathroom. James is sitting on a towel on the floor, legs spread and pantsless.

Meowth: James! Are you all right? James: (dazed) Yes. (reveals four Meowth kittens) Aren't they precious so far? Meowth: Yeah….Wait a minute, you said "so far." There are more kittens coming? James: Yes. I just feel one more left.

*Meowth goes over to James and coaches him to breathe and push. James is screaming. Luckily, Jessie is a heavy sleeper.

James: (straining and breathless) I can't do it, Meowth. I'm too weak from getting out the other four. Meowth: You can do it, James.

*James screams as the contractions get more intense. He pushes as hard as he can.

James: (nearly crying) Oh, the pain….(squeals, pushes) Meowth: One, two, three, push! James: (straining) Come on….come out….(continues pushing) Meowth: When you push, I'll catch. One, two, three, push! James: EEEEEEE! Kitten: (pops out of James's nethers) Meow! James: Oh my gods! (cries) Meowth: It's so cute! And loud!

*Meowth bites off all the kittens' umbilical cords. James smiles blissfully and opens his pajama top. The first kitten puts their mouth on James's nipple and drinks the milk that comes out. Meowth holds the second kitten up to James's other nipple. The others crawl around and nibble at the afterbirth while they're waiting their turn.

*Months later, the Meowth kittens have grown older and can mostly look after themselves. They've formed a pack and gone hunting. While they're out, James blasts Meowth's rocket off again. A few weeks later, this conversation happens.

James: I think I've acquired a fondness for hotdogs with chocolate sauce and milk. And maybe it's just regular that I cry during telephone commercials. Meowth: It's happening again. James: What are you talking about? (realization hits him) I'm….pregnant?! Again?! (looks down at stomach) Meowth: (sweat-dropping) Heh, heh. Maybe…. James: (trying to sound calm) How many kittens am I likely to have this time? Meowth: Judging by your eating habits and your four-hour nap on the couch yesterday, I'd say….Oh, about ten to twenty. James: Ten to….(faints)

-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: James really should've used Plan B, but knowing Team Rocket's luck with plans, it probably would've failed.

The Book of Moltres James: A Religiously Clueless Pokéfic (part one)

Other contenders for titles: Yes, Virgin James, There Is A Moltres God; The Blood of the Chicken

This is a fic I wrote when I was thirteen (possibly old enough to know better). Apparently, I watched "The Fortune Hunters" and thought it needed a fix fic. Unfortunately, this fic is just a little broken.

This fic includes/will include: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (but since it's the human form of the spirit of Moltres, maybe it's okay?); mpreg/male pregnancy; a loose understanding of religion, cults, and the occult; bizarre focus on James's virginity; mentions of blood; general angst; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; definite out-of-character moments for the twerps; unrequited blueshipping from Meowth; original characters; bad ideas about romance; ellipses abuse

-O-o-O-o-O-

(James’s point of view)

I was a fallen soul.

“I’m not a Moltres,” I thought. “My life is trash.” That was what I used to think.

That was before I realized that I had looked up the wrong date. I had looked up the date March 20, 1984 instead of April 20, 1984.

“I’m not a Magikarp!” I thought. Oh, happy day!

Then another thought hit me: What if I was something worse? Like a Weedle? I was afraid to look at the fortune book for a week. Then I realized it’s only a fortune. It can’t hurt me. I looked up my fortune. I couldn’t believe it.

I was actually a Moltres.

-O-o-O-

I watched a group called the Moltres Witnesses. They were very serious Moltres worshippers.

Jessie called it a cult, but I didn’t care. I, too, had become a serious Moltres worshipper. I stopped eating chicken because Moltres is a fire chicken. I prostrated myself in the Temple of Moltres. Before I went in, I purged myself, forcing my body to rid itself of all impurities.

The only part of the chicken I would consume was its blood.

Later, I found out the Moltres Witnesses weren’t that extreme, they just bowed down and prayed to Moltres every day.

I didn’t really join the group at first. I only watched them, hiding, and secretly worshipped Moltres with them. I was too shy to ask them if I could join.

But one day, Moltres came. He was right next to me all along and I didn’t even know it.

I heard a voice on the wind say, “What are you doing over here in the bushes?”

I turned around. Moltres was there.

“I….” I was speechless.

“Yes?” Moltres patiently awaited my answer.

“I was honoring you,” I said, while bowing, “O Mighty Moltres.”

“I’ve seen you. You have given up eating the flesh of the chicken. You only drink the blood. You purge yourself before entering my temple,” Moltres said.

“You can talk?!”

“Yes, James, I can talk.”

I was shocked. He knew my name! Wow!

After that, I loved, respected, and honored Moltres even harder.

Then the accident happened.

-O-o-O-

Jessie and Meowth were watching the news on TV. An accident report came on. The accident wasn’t far from us.

“Wow. That’s nasty. That huge thing must’ve caused a really big fire,” Jessie said.

“Jessie, be quiet! Don’t let James hear!” Meowth said.

As soon as I heard the “don’t let James hear” part, I ran out into the living room.

The accident was Moltres.

Moltres had been hit by a truck.

I ran into the bathroom crying. I heard Meowth say, “I knew it would break his heart. I just wanted to protect him.”

After about five minutes, I snuck out of the bathroom to the crash site. Officer Jenny was there with Nurse Joy. The twerps were there, too.

I didn’t care who was watching. I bowed down to Moltres and talked softly to him.

“What’s he doing?” Ash said.

“Moltres must’ve been like a god. The legendary bird deserves a proper burial,” Officer Jenny said.

I attended Moltres’s funeral. The Moltres Witnesses were there, too. The twerps, Officer Jenny, and Nurse Joy were there, also.

I didn’t cry. I knew I had to be strong for Moltres. But I was thinking, “Why did you leave me like that, Moltres? Why did it have to be you?”

“It was just a chicken with fire on it,” Ash said.

I got mad. “No, he wasn’t! Moltres was a god to a group called Moltres Witnesses! How can you say he was ‘just a chicken’?”

Ash shut up for the rest of the funeral.

The Moltres Witnesses came up to me.

“Hey, you’re the one Moltres talked to!” one of them, a blond man, said.

I got a little scared. What if that was forbidden?

“What’s your birthdate? I wanna look up your Pokémon type.”

“April 20, 1984.”

The man flipped to April twentieth in the Pokémon fortune book.

“He’s a….a Moltres!” the man yelled.

“No wonder Moltres liked him. He’s kinda hot,” a red-haired guy said.

“Oh, give it up Ronald, he’s too young for you,” a green-haired woman said.

“What’s your name?”

“James. What’s yours?”

“Cujo.”

“I’m Rosemary,” the woman said.

“I’m Ronald,” the other guy said.

When the funeral was over, we said goodbye to each other. I walked home. I couldn’t believe Moltres had died.

“Who will I look up to now?” I thought.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: If a book says you're a thing, immediately join a cult for it and get hit on by Ronald McDonald at a funeral for a fire chicken. (DO NOT ACTUALLY DO THIS)

No, I think I'd rather go out with this lovely lady sitting on my face

okay hear me out

What if there's blueshipping, but James and Meowth are the tougher, gay version of Jessica and Roger Rabbit

And Jessie is Eddie Valiant

The Book of Moltres James: The Bird(man) Who Got Away (part three)

The story calms down for a bit, but goes back to its usual bonkers self in the next part. Teen-me just couldn't help herself and had to shoehorn in some blueshipping.

Part one

Part Two

This fic includes/will include: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (but since it’s the human form of the spirit of Moltres, maybe it’s okay?); mpreg/male pregnancy; shaky understanding of religion, cults, and the occult; lack of medical knowledge; bizarre focus on James’s virginity; mentions of blood; general angst; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; definite out of character moments for the twerps; unrequited blueshipping from Meowth; original characters; odd ideas about romance; ellipses abuse

-O-o-O-o-O-

(Third person point of view)

“James, if you’re going to wear those awful maternity clothes, at least wear matching shoes instead of your boots,” Jessie said.

“No way! I don’t want anyone to see my ankles,” James said.

His ankles weren’t that badly swollen, but to James, they were huge.

James also thought he looked awful in his Team Rocket uniform because he was very heavily pregnant, so he got a black maternity shirt and sewed a red “R” onto it.

Team Rocket hadn’t chased the twerps for eight months. The twerps wondered why. So they knocked on the door of Team Rocket’s cabin. James answered it.

“What are you three doing here?” he asked, peeking out from behind the door so the twerps could only see his face.

“How come we can only see your face?” Brock asked. Then he added, “Are you decent?”

“No,” James said. “I won’t be for another month.”

“You’re naked?!”

“No!”

“Then why would you be indecent?” Misty said.

“Because I don’t want you to see me.”

“Why not?” Ash said.

“I just don’t!” James said. He tried to push the door closed, but Ash started trying to push it open.

“Why haven’t you chased us?” Ash asked.

“Because we don’t want to!”

James pushed the door shut and locked it. The twerps were surprised.

“Team Rocket doesn’t want to chase us?” Misty said.

“I feel so rejected!” Brock said.

“Something’s up,” Ash said.

The twerps ran around the cabin, looking to find a window to look in, but all the windows were covered with shades.

“Wait a minute. They haven’t chased us for eight months. James said he didn’t want us to see him for a month. That makes nine months,” Brock said.

“What does that mean? Is James in school?” Ash asked.

“School is ten months, Ash,” Misty said.

“And when Team Rocket drank the purple Shuckle potion, Meowth fell in love with James,” Brock continued.

“Brock, where you’re going with this story is just weird,” Misty said.

“Where is he going with it?” Ash said.

“Don’t you get it?” Brock said.

“No,” Ash said.

Brock and Misty face-faulted.

“He’s saying James and Meowth had sex and James is pregnant!” Misty yelled.

“Eww! I wish you hadn’t told me!” Ash yelled.

“But James is a human and Meowth is a Pokémon,” Misty said.

“There are times when that doesn’t matter,” Brock said. “However, we don’t know if this is one of those times.”

“We don’t even know whether or not James and Meowth had sex,” Ash said.

So the twerps forgot about it and minded their own business.

-O-o-O-

James was a little over nine months pregnant.

He had become quieter and emotional. He was eating more than he usually did.

Sometimes he would run to the temple of Moltres and stay there for hours, praying for a safe birth.

He still got feverish fits. Sometimes he would just get really feverish for a few hours.

One day, Meowth was sitting with James, who was lying down in bed.

“I know you’re hot and uncomfortable, but it’s part of the pregnancy,” he said, stroking James’s hair.

“Meowth….I’m two weeks overdue so far. Maybe it lasts more than nine months,” James said.

Meowth hated to see James so miserable. He knew Moltres had chosen James because he was pure and a virgin, but James was so young. He was only eighteen.

Meowth had had plans for James and himself. He wanted to capture Pikachu and other Pokémon and sell them to the boss, get rich, quit, run off, and marry James and raise kittens with James.

He also sort of thought that fantasy was too good to happen and figured he would end up being a thug while James was pregnant and barefoot in a Team Rocket trailer near the jailhouse.

The reality was a lot like Meowth’s worst-case-scenario fantasy. They were living in a shack little bigger than a trailer. Meowth was a criminal and James was pregnant, but not barefoot.

“He wouldn’t want to be barefoot. Then we’d see his ankles,” Meowth thought.

James raised himself off the bed slowly.

“Where are you going?” Meowth asked.

“The bathroom,” James answered, limping towards the bathroom for a nice long cry.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: If you really love someone, you will learn to let them go and get impregnated by a mystical fire chicken spirit after reading a fortune-telling book.

Moltres James: You can make a religion out of this

I found an old fic I wrote after "The Fortune Hunters" came out.

Apparently, kid-me was so sad for James after he learned his actual horoscope, she wrote a whole ass fix fic where he ended up being a Moltres type.

And then I read further and it spiraled into madness.

So that's definitely going on this blog.