A Worse Pill To Swallow: The Return Of The Jilted Jessiebelle Plot

A Worse Pill to Swallow: The Return of the Jilted Jessiebelle Plot

Jessiebelle kills Dumbledore Meowth! The resurrection ritual will blow your mind!!!1eleven!

Here lies the thrilling conclusion to "A Worse Pill to Swallow."

Part one is here.

Part two is here.

This fic contains: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; bizarre anti-abortion overtones; general angst; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; weepy!James (but can you really blame him, considering what twelve!me did to his life?); dickish!Jessie; generic boyfriend!Meowth; random “Jessiebelle does dark magic” plotline that goes absolutely nowhere; odd ideas about romance; loose understanding of the occult; possibly demonic kitten plotline that goes nowhere; kitten birthing scenes (make it double!); Twerps witness the miracle of Pokébestial childbirth; major character death (that gets undone by the most bullshit of methods); questionable song parody; JAMES EATS A PLACENTA; desecration of grave; ellipses abuse

-O-o-O-

*They all get ready for bed. That night at about 12:30 AM, Meowth is woken up by James shaking him.

James: Meowth! Meowth! I think it's time! Meowth: Breathe and push. (takes James's pants off)

*James starts breathing and pushing. He screams because of the pain.

James: It's not easier the second time! It just hurts more! Meowth: Hold my hand, Jimmy.

*James holds Meowth's hand. His pain increases.

James: (squeezes Meowth's hand) AHHH!

*James's other hand is in a fist.

Meowth: Push, James! James: (crying) I'm trying to!

*Team Twerp is spying on them.

Ash: What the crap?! Brock: This is weird. Misty: ….Maybe we should've camped out in a cave.

*James is pushing as hard as he can. He feels a kitten coming out.

Meowth: Push! James: AHHHH! (pushes)

*The push makes three of the kittens pop out.

Kittens: Meow! James: If I could get this last one out….(straining) Just one more left, Meowth….(squeals, pushes) Meowth: You're almost there! James: (weakly) Help, Meowth…. Meowth: Push, James! James: (pushes) EEEEE!

*A little kitten pops out.

Kitten: Meow! James: Ohhh….(falls back into bed)

*Meowth bites off the umbilical cords, then goes back to gingerly patting and rubbing James's hand.

James: (tired) So I didn't have ten kittens. Jessie: You do realize you just gave birth in front of the Twerps?

*James blushes, smiles sheepishly, and sweat-drops.

Meowth: You should just rest, James. It's late and you just had four kittens.

*Meowth gives the kittens bottled milk pumped from James's nipples. He scrapes the afterbirth onto a plate for them to eat. James goes back to sleep.

*The next day….

James: (sing-songishly) Oh, kittens! It's feeding time!

*James opens his shirt and picks up a kitten. The kitten bites James on the nipple and glares at him.

James: He hates me. I birthed him, and he hates me. (teary) What did I do wrong? Meowth: The others like you.

*All the other kittens sniff and lick at James.

James: I think they're just hungry. Meowth: I'll take care of this one for now. (picks up a milk bottle) James: I'll feed the other three.

*Two of the kittens suckle from James. The third one drinks a bottle of James's milk. The kittens take turns drinking from bottles and suckling from James, like the last litter did.

*A few weeks later, James takes a ride on Meowth's rocket again. A few weeks after this, James wakes up in the middle of the night to vomit.

*Minor detail: the snowstorm has kept up and Team Twerp is still stranded there.

*James gets out the pregnancy test for Pokémon and pees on the grey oval. Meowth notices James isn't in bed with him and gets up. He sees a light under the bathroom door.

Meowth: (knocks on door) Jimmy? You okay in there? James: (spaced out) Meowth? Meowth: Yes, James? James: (spaced out) Would you believe me if I told you that I'm pregnant again? Meowth: This is the third time. James: (spaced out) I know.

*There is silence for a minute. James is thinking about how his life got to this point.

James: Meowth? Will you please come in and nurse me? I'm about to get very, very sick.

*Meowth "nurses" James and makes sure none of the "sickness" lands outside the toilet. That's pretty much all he can do at this point.

Meowth: You definitely have a kitten in there. James: How many this time?

*Meowth gets out the "Kitten 2000 Pregnancy Test," a test that tells how many kittens a Meowth (or a James) will have. James pees on the grey oval. After a minute, a blue "1" appears.

James: Finally….A single birth. Meowth: But it'll probably seem equal to at least three kittens. James: (sighs) I'm used to it.

*James gets off the bathroom floor. He will probably be back there soon.

James: I guess I'll go back to bed. Any suggestions on what I should do?

*James is standing with a hand on his hip. His blue hair looks wet and his white pajamas look translucent because of the sweat. Meowth has a few ideas about what he wants to do with James in bed, but he wisely keeps them to himself.

Meowth: I think you should stay in bed—I mean—off your feet for a while.

*James sits down on the bed, feeling the kitten move.

James: I don't know why, but I'm really nervous this time. Meowth: You shouldn't be nervous. You're practically a pro at this. James: I just feel like something very bad is about to happen.

*Let's skip ahead to see why James is so nervous.

*Jessiebelle breaks in and kills Meowth with an occult knife.

James: No….He can't die. I'm still pregnant with his kitten. Jessie: He's gone, James.

*Like James is going to settle for "he's gone."

James: No. He can't be. He's not. This is just one of my crazy dreams, isn't it? Isn't it, Jessie?! This is just a dream, right?! Right?! Jessie: James, he's dead for real. James: Oh, no….(sits down heavily) No! (starts crying) Jessie: Don't cry, it's not good for the kittens. James: (weakly) This must've been why I was so nervous. (screaming and sobbing)

*The next day is a cold, cloudy day. The weather makes Meowth's gravesite look like a barren field. James comes out of the cabin, dressed entirely in black. He's wearing a black cloak with a small red "R" on it. He looks sad and his unkempt hair is blown limply by the wind. Basically, he looks defeated. He walks over to Meowth's grave and kneels down.

James: Why, Meowth? Why did you have to die? You never got to see your kitten. I'll never get to see your face light up at its birth. Sure, Jessie will help me, but now I'll need a photograph to compare the kitten's looks to yours.

*James stands up. He starts singing quietly.

James: (singing to the tune of "American Pie," the Madonna version) You left me singing….Why, why did Meowth die? We've got kittens, you were smitten by Jessiebelle's knife. We're down to two, with Jessie and I. I can't continue being a bad guy. I can't continue being a bad guy….

*The twerps are watching from a distance.

Misty: That's a nice song. James: (blushes) Thank you. (sighs) Meowth used to love helping me sing the kittens to sleep.

*They stand there silently.

Misty: I should be getting back to the group. James: Goodbye, Misty. Misty: Goodbye, James.

*James goes back into the cabin. His face looks drained of color, except for a red flush because of the cold wind. He goes into the bedroom and lies down in bed. He dreams Meowth's spirit comes back. He wakes up, quietly.

James: Meowth's spirit came back to me. Maybe Meowth will, too.

*James feels the time to give birth coming closer until one stormy night….

James: The kittens are coming! Jessie: Push! James: (pushes and screams) I know I can do this! (pushes) Kitten: (pops out partially) Meow! James: OH MY GODS! (screams, pushes)

*The kitten pops out fully. This time, James must bite off the umbilical cord.

Kitten: Meow! James: He's beautiful. (gets teary-eyed) But Meowth won't see this. (starts crying)

*Jessie comforts James and holds him as he breastfeeds the kitten. A little while later, he and the kitten share the placenta as a snack.

*The next day, after the kitten is more alert, James takes him outside to see Meowth's grave.

James: See that? That's Meowth's grave. He helped give you life. (softly) Unfortunately, you'll never get to meet him. Kitten: Meow? James: He was murdered. (starts to cry) Kitten: Meow. (snuggles up against James)

*The little kitten meows and smiles up at James.

James: (sniff) I love you. And your father did, too. (holds kitten close, starts crying again)

*After a while, James stops crying.

James: (dark voice) I cry too much. Jessie was right. Every single day, I cry.

*James's tone scares the kitten. The kitten starts to cry.

James: (near to tears again) Now I've scared my own kitten. (to kitten) It's all right, I didn't mean to take that tone of voice. I'm sorry I scared you. (sniffles)

*Tears run down James's face. He cradles and rocks the little kitten. The kitten stops crying.

James: It's all right. Don't cry.

*He is answered by a quiet snore and a small meow while breathing. The kitten has fallen asleep.

James: (smiles sadly) How sweet. He snores like a combination of me and….(voice trails off) I don't know what I'm going to do if I end up mentioning….I can't even say my own teammate's name. Am I too traumatized?

*Jessie comes out to comfort James. Wobbuffet comes out of his Pokéball.

Jessie: Get back in, Wobbuffet!

*Wobbuffet goes over to Meowth's grave and pees on it.

James: (gasps) Wobbuffet! Show some respect!

*The dirt shifts. A paw punches out of the earth, followed by the rest of a very dirty Meowth. Jessie and James are surprised.

James: Meowth? You're….you're alive?! Meowth: Apparently, Wobbuffet urine has regenerative properties. (looks at James) Is that the new kitten? James: Yes. I'm sorry you didn't get to see his birth. Meowth: (smiles) Don't worry. I saw it.

*A simple, happy ending to a complicated Pokébestial story.

-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Wobbuffet should pee on my music taste; maybe it'll get better.

silly headcanon time

The Lord of Light, R'hllor, sometimes manifests as a Moltres. If James had really stuck with the Moltres thing, he could've become the Johto Melisandre.

The Book of Moltres James: A Religiously Clueless Pokéfic (part one)

Other contenders for titles: Yes, Virgin James, There Is A Moltres God; The Blood of the Chicken

This is a fic I wrote when I was thirteen (possibly old enough to know better). Apparently, I watched "The Fortune Hunters" and thought it needed a fix fic. Unfortunately, this fic is just a little broken.

This fic includes/will include: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (but since it's the human form of the spirit of Moltres, maybe it's okay?); mpreg/male pregnancy; a loose understanding of religion, cults, and the occult; bizarre focus on James's virginity; mentions of blood; general angst; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; definite out-of-character moments for the twerps; unrequited blueshipping from Meowth; original characters; bad ideas about romance; ellipses abuse

-O-o-O-o-O-

(James’s point of view)

I was a fallen soul.

“I’m not a Moltres,” I thought. “My life is trash.” That was what I used to think.

That was before I realized that I had looked up the wrong date. I had looked up the date March 20, 1984 instead of April 20, 1984.

“I’m not a Magikarp!” I thought. Oh, happy day!

Then another thought hit me: What if I was something worse? Like a Weedle? I was afraid to look at the fortune book for a week. Then I realized it’s only a fortune. It can’t hurt me. I looked up my fortune. I couldn’t believe it.

I was actually a Moltres.

-O-o-O-

I watched a group called the Moltres Witnesses. They were very serious Moltres worshippers.

Jessie called it a cult, but I didn’t care. I, too, had become a serious Moltres worshipper. I stopped eating chicken because Moltres is a fire chicken. I prostrated myself in the Temple of Moltres. Before I went in, I purged myself, forcing my body to rid itself of all impurities.

The only part of the chicken I would consume was its blood.

Later, I found out the Moltres Witnesses weren’t that extreme, they just bowed down and prayed to Moltres every day.

I didn’t really join the group at first. I only watched them, hiding, and secretly worshipped Moltres with them. I was too shy to ask them if I could join.

But one day, Moltres came. He was right next to me all along and I didn’t even know it.

I heard a voice on the wind say, “What are you doing over here in the bushes?”

I turned around. Moltres was there.

“I….” I was speechless.

“Yes?” Moltres patiently awaited my answer.

“I was honoring you,” I said, while bowing, “O Mighty Moltres.”

“I’ve seen you. You have given up eating the flesh of the chicken. You only drink the blood. You purge yourself before entering my temple,” Moltres said.

“You can talk?!”

“Yes, James, I can talk.”

I was shocked. He knew my name! Wow!

After that, I loved, respected, and honored Moltres even harder.

Then the accident happened.

-O-o-O-

Jessie and Meowth were watching the news on TV. An accident report came on. The accident wasn’t far from us.

“Wow. That’s nasty. That huge thing must’ve caused a really big fire,” Jessie said.

“Jessie, be quiet! Don’t let James hear!” Meowth said.

As soon as I heard the “don’t let James hear” part, I ran out into the living room.

The accident was Moltres.

Moltres had been hit by a truck.

I ran into the bathroom crying. I heard Meowth say, “I knew it would break his heart. I just wanted to protect him.”

After about five minutes, I snuck out of the bathroom to the crash site. Officer Jenny was there with Nurse Joy. The twerps were there, too.

I didn’t care who was watching. I bowed down to Moltres and talked softly to him.

“What’s he doing?” Ash said.

“Moltres must’ve been like a god. The legendary bird deserves a proper burial,” Officer Jenny said.

I attended Moltres’s funeral. The Moltres Witnesses were there, too. The twerps, Officer Jenny, and Nurse Joy were there, also.

I didn’t cry. I knew I had to be strong for Moltres. But I was thinking, “Why did you leave me like that, Moltres? Why did it have to be you?”

“It was just a chicken with fire on it,” Ash said.

I got mad. “No, he wasn’t! Moltres was a god to a group called Moltres Witnesses! How can you say he was ‘just a chicken’?”

Ash shut up for the rest of the funeral.

The Moltres Witnesses came up to me.

“Hey, you’re the one Moltres talked to!” one of them, a blond man, said.

I got a little scared. What if that was forbidden?

“What’s your birthdate? I wanna look up your Pokémon type.”

“April 20, 1984.”

The man flipped to April twentieth in the Pokémon fortune book.

“He’s a….a Moltres!” the man yelled.

“No wonder Moltres liked him. He’s kinda hot,” a red-haired guy said.

“Oh, give it up Ronald, he’s too young for you,” a green-haired woman said.

“What’s your name?”

“James. What’s yours?”

“Cujo.”

“I’m Rosemary,” the woman said.

“I’m Ronald,” the other guy said.

When the funeral was over, we said goodbye to each other. I walked home. I couldn’t believe Moltres had died.

“Who will I look up to now?” I thought.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: If a book says you're a thing, immediately join a cult for it and get hit on by Ronald McDonald at a funeral for a fire chicken. (DO NOT ACTUALLY DO THIS)

I actually like blueshipping.

But most of the past!fic I'll post on here will probably be blueshipping Pokémon fic because I wrote a lot of it as a kid.

I still write it, but I'd like to think I've improved.

okay hear me out

What if there's blueshipping, but James and Meowth are the tougher, gay version of Jessica and Roger Rabbit

And Jessie is Eddie Valiant

Dude idk about you but I think saying you would rather commit an act of beastality instead of I don't know telling that guy to go fuck himself isn't really the own you think it is like ....that was a MASSIVE L

It was a dumb joke; I wouldn't really commit bestiality (I thought that would have been obvious, but apparently not)

anyway, he's the one posting a graphic telling me to kill myself

I think my edgy joke is the lesser of two evils here