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A Worse Pill to Swallow: The Return of the Jilted Jessiebelle Plot
Jessiebelle kills Dumbledore Meowth! The resurrection ritual will blow your mind!!!1eleven!
Here lies the thrilling conclusion to "A Worse Pill to Swallow."
Part one is here.
Part two is here.
This fic contains: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; bizarre anti-abortion overtones; general angst; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; weepy!James (but can you really blame him, considering what twelve!me did to his life?); dickish!Jessie; generic boyfriend!Meowth; random “Jessiebelle does dark magic” plotline that goes absolutely nowhere; odd ideas about romance; loose understanding of the occult; possibly demonic kitten plotline that goes nowhere; kitten birthing scenes (make it double!); Twerps witness the miracle of Pokébestial childbirth; major character death (that gets undone by the most bullshit of methods); questionable song parody; JAMES EATS A PLACENTA; desecration of grave; ellipses abuse
-O-o-O-
*They all get ready for bed. That night at about 12:30 AM, Meowth is woken up by James shaking him.
James: Meowth! Meowth! I think it's time! Meowth: Breathe and push. (takes James's pants off)
*James starts breathing and pushing. He screams because of the pain.
James: It's not easier the second time! It just hurts more! Meowth: Hold my hand, Jimmy.
*James holds Meowth's hand. His pain increases.
James: (squeezes Meowth's hand) AHHH!
*James's other hand is in a fist.
Meowth: Push, James! James: (crying) I'm trying to!
*Team Twerp is spying on them.
Ash: What the crap?! Brock: This is weird. Misty: ….Maybe we should've camped out in a cave.
*James is pushing as hard as he can. He feels a kitten coming out.
Meowth: Push! James: AHHHH! (pushes)
*The push makes three of the kittens pop out.
Kittens: Meow! James: If I could get this last one out….(straining) Just one more left, Meowth….(squeals, pushes) Meowth: You're almost there! James: (weakly) Help, Meowth…. Meowth: Push, James! James: (pushes) EEEEE!
*A little kitten pops out.
Kitten: Meow! James: Ohhh….(falls back into bed)
*Meowth bites off the umbilical cords, then goes back to gingerly patting and rubbing James's hand.
James: (tired) So I didn't have ten kittens. Jessie: You do realize you just gave birth in front of the Twerps?
*James blushes, smiles sheepishly, and sweat-drops.
Meowth: You should just rest, James. It's late and you just had four kittens.
*Meowth gives the kittens bottled milk pumped from James's nipples. He scrapes the afterbirth onto a plate for them to eat. James goes back to sleep.
*The next day….
James: (sing-songishly) Oh, kittens! It's feeding time!
*James opens his shirt and picks up a kitten. The kitten bites James on the nipple and glares at him.
James: He hates me. I birthed him, and he hates me. (teary) What did I do wrong? Meowth: The others like you.
*All the other kittens sniff and lick at James.
James: I think they're just hungry. Meowth: I'll take care of this one for now. (picks up a milk bottle) James: I'll feed the other three.
*Two of the kittens suckle from James. The third one drinks a bottle of James's milk. The kittens take turns drinking from bottles and suckling from James, like the last litter did.
*A few weeks later, James takes a ride on Meowth's rocket again. A few weeks after this, James wakes up in the middle of the night to vomit.
*Minor detail: the snowstorm has kept up and Team Twerp is still stranded there.
*James gets out the pregnancy test for Pokémon and pees on the grey oval. Meowth notices James isn't in bed with him and gets up. He sees a light under the bathroom door.
Meowth: (knocks on door) Jimmy? You okay in there? James: (spaced out) Meowth? Meowth: Yes, James? James: (spaced out) Would you believe me if I told you that I'm pregnant again? Meowth: This is the third time. James: (spaced out) I know.
*There is silence for a minute. James is thinking about how his life got to this point.
James: Meowth? Will you please come in and nurse me? I'm about to get very, very sick.
*Meowth "nurses" James and makes sure none of the "sickness" lands outside the toilet. That's pretty much all he can do at this point.
Meowth: You definitely have a kitten in there. James: How many this time?
*Meowth gets out the "Kitten 2000 Pregnancy Test," a test that tells how many kittens a Meowth (or a James) will have. James pees on the grey oval. After a minute, a blue "1" appears.
James: Finally….A single birth. Meowth: But it'll probably seem equal to at least three kittens. James: (sighs) I'm used to it.
*James gets off the bathroom floor. He will probably be back there soon.
James: I guess I'll go back to bed. Any suggestions on what I should do?
*James is standing with a hand on his hip. His blue hair looks wet and his white pajamas look translucent because of the sweat. Meowth has a few ideas about what he wants to do with James in bed, but he wisely keeps them to himself.
Meowth: I think you should stay in bed—I mean—off your feet for a while.
*James sits down on the bed, feeling the kitten move.
James: I don't know why, but I'm really nervous this time. Meowth: You shouldn't be nervous. You're practically a pro at this. James: I just feel like something very bad is about to happen.
*Let's skip ahead to see why James is so nervous.
*Jessiebelle breaks in and kills Meowth with an occult knife.
James: No….He can't die. I'm still pregnant with his kitten. Jessie: He's gone, James.
*Like James is going to settle for "he's gone."
James: No. He can't be. He's not. This is just one of my crazy dreams, isn't it? Isn't it, Jessie?! This is just a dream, right?! Right?! Jessie: James, he's dead for real. James: Oh, no….(sits down heavily) No! (starts crying) Jessie: Don't cry, it's not good for the kittens. James: (weakly) This must've been why I was so nervous. (screaming and sobbing)
*The next day is a cold, cloudy day. The weather makes Meowth's gravesite look like a barren field. James comes out of the cabin, dressed entirely in black. He's wearing a black cloak with a small red "R" on it. He looks sad and his unkempt hair is blown limply by the wind. Basically, he looks defeated. He walks over to Meowth's grave and kneels down.
James: Why, Meowth? Why did you have to die? You never got to see your kitten. I'll never get to see your face light up at its birth. Sure, Jessie will help me, but now I'll need a photograph to compare the kitten's looks to yours.
*James stands up. He starts singing quietly.
James: (singing to the tune of "American Pie," the Madonna version) You left me singing….Why, why did Meowth die? We've got kittens, you were smitten by Jessiebelle's knife. We're down to two, with Jessie and I. I can't continue being a bad guy. I can't continue being a bad guy….
*The twerps are watching from a distance.
Misty: That's a nice song. James: (blushes) Thank you. (sighs) Meowth used to love helping me sing the kittens to sleep.
*They stand there silently.
Misty: I should be getting back to the group. James: Goodbye, Misty. Misty: Goodbye, James.
*James goes back into the cabin. His face looks drained of color, except for a red flush because of the cold wind. He goes into the bedroom and lies down in bed. He dreams Meowth's spirit comes back. He wakes up, quietly.
James: Meowth's spirit came back to me. Maybe Meowth will, too.
*James feels the time to give birth coming closer until one stormy night….
James: The kittens are coming! Jessie: Push! James: (pushes and screams) I know I can do this! (pushes) Kitten: (pops out partially) Meow! James: OH MY GODS! (screams, pushes)
*The kitten pops out fully. This time, James must bite off the umbilical cord.
Kitten: Meow! James: He's beautiful. (gets teary-eyed) But Meowth won't see this. (starts crying)
*Jessie comforts James and holds him as he breastfeeds the kitten. A little while later, he and the kitten share the placenta as a snack.
*The next day, after the kitten is more alert, James takes him outside to see Meowth's grave.
James: See that? That's Meowth's grave. He helped give you life. (softly) Unfortunately, you'll never get to meet him. Kitten: Meow? James: He was murdered. (starts to cry) Kitten: Meow. (snuggles up against James)
*The little kitten meows and smiles up at James.
James: (sniff) I love you. And your father did, too. (holds kitten close, starts crying again)
*After a while, James stops crying.
James: (dark voice) I cry too much. Jessie was right. Every single day, I cry.
*James's tone scares the kitten. The kitten starts to cry.
James: (near to tears again) Now I've scared my own kitten. (to kitten) It's all right, I didn't mean to take that tone of voice. I'm sorry I scared you. (sniffles)
*Tears run down James's face. He cradles and rocks the little kitten. The kitten stops crying.
James: It's all right. Don't cry.
*He is answered by a quiet snore and a small meow while breathing. The kitten has fallen asleep.
James: (smiles sadly) How sweet. He snores like a combination of me and….(voice trails off) I don't know what I'm going to do if I end up mentioning….I can't even say my own teammate's name. Am I too traumatized?
*Jessie comes out to comfort James. Wobbuffet comes out of his Pokéball.
Jessie: Get back in, Wobbuffet!
*Wobbuffet goes over to Meowth's grave and pees on it.
James: (gasps) Wobbuffet! Show some respect!
*The dirt shifts. A paw punches out of the earth, followed by the rest of a very dirty Meowth. Jessie and James are surprised.
James: Meowth? You're….you're alive?! Meowth: Apparently, Wobbuffet urine has regenerative properties. (looks at James) Is that the new kitten? James: Yes. I'm sorry you didn't get to see his birth. Meowth: (smiles) Don't worry. I saw it.
*A simple, happy ending to a complicated Pokébestial story.
-O-o-O-
Moral of the story: Wobbuffet should pee on my music taste; maybe it'll get better.
The Book of Moltres James: A Religiously Clueless Pokéfic (part one)
Other contenders for titles: Yes, Virgin James, There Is A Moltres God; The Blood of the Chicken
This is a fic I wrote when I was thirteen (possibly old enough to know better). Apparently, I watched "The Fortune Hunters" and thought it needed a fix fic. Unfortunately, this fic is just a little broken.
This fic includes/will include: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (but since it's the human form of the spirit of Moltres, maybe it's okay?); mpreg/male pregnancy; a loose understanding of religion, cults, and the occult; bizarre focus on James's virginity; mentions of blood; general angst; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; definite out-of-character moments for the twerps; unrequited blueshipping from Meowth; original characters; bad ideas about romance; ellipses abuse
-O-o-O-o-O-
(James’s point of view)
I was a fallen soul.
“I’m not a Moltres,” I thought. “My life is trash.” That was what I used to think.
That was before I realized that I had looked up the wrong date. I had looked up the date March 20, 1984 instead of April 20, 1984.
“I’m not a Magikarp!” I thought. Oh, happy day!
Then another thought hit me: What if I was something worse? Like a Weedle? I was afraid to look at the fortune book for a week. Then I realized it’s only a fortune. It can’t hurt me. I looked up my fortune. I couldn’t believe it.
I was actually a Moltres.
-O-o-O-
I watched a group called the Moltres Witnesses. They were very serious Moltres worshippers.
Jessie called it a cult, but I didn’t care. I, too, had become a serious Moltres worshipper. I stopped eating chicken because Moltres is a fire chicken. I prostrated myself in the Temple of Moltres. Before I went in, I purged myself, forcing my body to rid itself of all impurities.
The only part of the chicken I would consume was its blood.
Later, I found out the Moltres Witnesses weren’t that extreme, they just bowed down and prayed to Moltres every day.
I didn’t really join the group at first. I only watched them, hiding, and secretly worshipped Moltres with them. I was too shy to ask them if I could join.
But one day, Moltres came. He was right next to me all along and I didn’t even know it.
I heard a voice on the wind say, “What are you doing over here in the bushes?”
I turned around. Moltres was there.
“I….” I was speechless.
“Yes?” Moltres patiently awaited my answer.
“I was honoring you,” I said, while bowing, “O Mighty Moltres.”
“I’ve seen you. You have given up eating the flesh of the chicken. You only drink the blood. You purge yourself before entering my temple,” Moltres said.
“You can talk?!”
“Yes, James, I can talk.”
I was shocked. He knew my name! Wow!
After that, I loved, respected, and honored Moltres even harder.
Then the accident happened.
-O-o-O-
Jessie and Meowth were watching the news on TV. An accident report came on. The accident wasn’t far from us.
“Wow. That’s nasty. That huge thing must’ve caused a really big fire,” Jessie said.
“Jessie, be quiet! Don’t let James hear!” Meowth said.
As soon as I heard the “don’t let James hear” part, I ran out into the living room.
The accident was Moltres.
Moltres had been hit by a truck.
I ran into the bathroom crying. I heard Meowth say, “I knew it would break his heart. I just wanted to protect him.”
After about five minutes, I snuck out of the bathroom to the crash site. Officer Jenny was there with Nurse Joy. The twerps were there, too.
I didn’t care who was watching. I bowed down to Moltres and talked softly to him.
“What’s he doing?” Ash said.
“Moltres must’ve been like a god. The legendary bird deserves a proper burial,” Officer Jenny said.
I attended Moltres’s funeral. The Moltres Witnesses were there, too. The twerps, Officer Jenny, and Nurse Joy were there, also.
I didn’t cry. I knew I had to be strong for Moltres. But I was thinking, “Why did you leave me like that, Moltres? Why did it have to be you?”
“It was just a chicken with fire on it,” Ash said.
I got mad. “No, he wasn’t! Moltres was a god to a group called Moltres Witnesses! How can you say he was ‘just a chicken’?”
Ash shut up for the rest of the funeral.
The Moltres Witnesses came up to me.
“Hey, you’re the one Moltres talked to!” one of them, a blond man, said.
I got a little scared. What if that was forbidden?
“What’s your birthdate? I wanna look up your Pokémon type.”
“April 20, 1984.”
The man flipped to April twentieth in the Pokémon fortune book.
“He’s a….a Moltres!” the man yelled.
“No wonder Moltres liked him. He’s kinda hot,” a red-haired guy said.
“Oh, give it up Ronald, he’s too young for you,” a green-haired woman said.
“What’s your name?”
“James. What’s yours?”
“Cujo.”
“I’m Rosemary,” the woman said.
“I’m Ronald,” the other guy said.
When the funeral was over, we said goodbye to each other. I walked home. I couldn’t believe Moltres had died.
“Who will I look up to now?” I thought.
-O-o-O-o-O-
Moral of the story: If a book says you're a thing, immediately join a cult for it and get hit on by Ronald McDonald at a funeral for a fire chicken. (DO NOT ACTUALLY DO THIS)
James's Special Delivery: I Wish I Could Quit You (part one of three)
A slightly more fluffy fic after....whatever the fuck that last thing was.
I seem to have written most of these fics under the impression that Meowth is the dashing hero tomcat and James is like his ideal queen cat. I have no idea where my preteen/teen self got those ideas, but they're way too much like the Seme/Uke false dichotomy that seemed to plague a lot of slashfic when I was a kid.
This fic contains: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (warning because some people might be disturbed by it, even though Meowth can consent in this story); unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; lack of medical and scientific knowledge; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; odd ideas about romance; Dr. Fuji is miraculously alive somehow; mentions of Jessie being violent
-O-o-O-o-O-
James made up his mind. It was too painful. He couldn’t go on hurting innocent trainers and stealing their Pokémon.
He was quitting Team Rocket.
It was a hard decision. If he quit, he would have a hard time finding a job.
He would also have to leave Meowth, his one true love.
Little did he know, Meowth was thinking the same thing.
-O-o-O-
Meowth wanted to leave Team Rocket, too. He just wasn’t good at stealing Pokémon and his heart wasn’t in it anymore.
The only reason he had stayed so long was because of James. He was deeply in love with James. He couldn’t bear to steal Pokémon anymore, but he couldn’t bear to live without being around James’s gentle nature or seeing James’s lovely face or hearing his sweet voice.
It was a hard decision, but Meowth made up his mind. He was quitting.
-O-o-O-
That day, James went to tell Meowth he was quitting. Meowth went to tell James he was quitting. They ran into each other in the bedroom.
“I’ve been looking all over for you,” Meowth said.
“Me too. I have something to tell you,” James said.
“So do I.”
“You go first.”
Meowth took a deep breath. “I’m thinking about quitting Team Rocket.”
James looked shocked.
“James, I know we might never see each other again—” Meowth started.
“No, I’m surprised because I was thinking the exact same thing,” James said.
“If you’re thinking the same thing, we could quit together,” Meowth said.
“We could?”
“Yes, James. Because I love you.”
James was even more shocked. “Wow.”
“Do you love me too?”
“Yes, Meowth, of course I love you.”
Meowth held James’s hand and kissed it. James blushed.
James picked up Meowth and kissed him. They stared into each other’s eyes. Then they jumped on the bed and started kissing.
When they stopped kissing, James said, “There’s just one problem.”
“What is it?” Meowth said.
“What will Jessie do about this? How are we going to hide it?” James whispered.
Meowth put his arms around James. “Don’t worry. We’ll think of something.”
-O-o-O-
The next day, James came up with a brilliant plan.
“Meowth, I just got an idea. Why don’t we take Jessie to a psychiatrist and then when she’s less violent, we can tell her about us,” James said.
“But where are we going to find a psychiatrist?” Meowth asked.
“There’s a psychiatrist’s office in Team Rocket Headquarters. We can convince her to go there until she gets her violence problems fixed, then we can tell her we’re quitting.”
“We’ll have to trick her first, but it’s gonna work,” Meowth said.
-O-o-O-
The next day, James and Meowth talked Jessie into seeing the psychiatrist. Then Dr. Fuji called them.
“I need you to do an experiment. First, James, you swallow this pill, then have sexual intercourse with Meowth,” he said.
“What’s the pill for?” Meowth asked.
“It’s supposed to make humans able to have offspring with Pokémon,” Dr. Fuji explained.
James got nervous. He loved Meowth, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to have a baby.
He and Meowth picked up Jessie from the psychiatrist when her session was over and went home.
-O-o-O-
Meowth went into the bedroom later that day and saw James crying.
“James, what’s wrong?” he asked.
“I don’t want to have a baby for Team Rocket. I just want to have a baby for the two of us,” James said.
Meowth hugged James. “It’ll be okay,” he said, not knowing what else to say.
-O-o-O-o-O-
Moral of the story: Team Rocket is totally an organization that makes its members do sexual science experiments yet will give them therapy to help them become less violent.
More Sim Team Rocket.
This sums up the household pretty well, I think. Jessie is randomly doing push-ups, Meowth is talking and doesn't care if the other two are listening (possibly having a Giovanni fantasy), and I don't even know what James is doing back there.
They survived the first night in the cursed Sim shack! Their reward is a proper toilet.
Not a comfortable toilet, mind, but at least they won't get attacked by squirrels when they need to pee.
Meowth, when you tell him to take a bath.
A casual family portrait of sorts. (Human Meowth finally got in the bath like I told him to.)
James nearly chopped off a finger making their breakfast salad, but he's not bothered by it.
Meanwhile, Jessie paints the Arnolfini Wedding.
"More like the Arnolfurry Wedding."
Meowth rudely spurns James's cooking to eat the leftover fruitcake even though HE KNOWS it'll give him an uncomfortable moodlet.
Nice to know his mild masochism carried over to the Sims world.
Kitty Meowth you get your butt out of that salad! James slaved over that counter for five whole minutes to make that!
He actually put that in his mouth.
"Waste not, want not."
"DO NOT WANT," says Jessie of the cat butt salad.
Meowth plays guitar to Meowth. Nice to see him bonding with himself.
The bees were in a bad mood that day.
Poor James.
James and Meowth take turns pushing each other on the swings.
They look so happy.
Meowth kept giving this look at James's butt. If they get together in the Sims, at least they'll be the same species.
*jerks awake*
I have been struck by more Pokemon ideas! Fanfiction writers I offer you more!
In a previous post (which was hours ago) I put the idea of smoll Arven and doggo being pulled into time/space distortion and being adopted by Warden Ingo.
We know the PLA protagonist was brought to Hisui by Arceus, Ingo was most likely pulled in by a distortion or other reasons I leave up to you, but what if there was more?
James from team rocket experiencing amnesea like Ingo and ending up being one of the strongest trainers of that time and loved by many pokemon. Because honestly this dude just asks and they're like "heck yeah!"
Larry from SV arriving in the past and just finally has a chance to have a vacation. He just joins a village or clan and relaxes. No longer having to worry about his jobs and what his bosses will think.
Leon from SS arriving and everyone in Galaxy team is like "the professor has a son?!" And even the professor is like;
"I HAVE A SON?!"
"I've got to get back, my baby bro will worry"
"I HAVE TWO SONS?!?!?!"
Emmet being in past unova and just....fights local legendaries into submission and has them take him to his bro and is fully prepared to fight God for this transgression..
Meowth from team rocket making everyone lose their minds because he can talk and now they know pokemon are sentient enough for that. Also due to his shape he get mistaken for a weird baby sneasel and Lady Sneasler calls dibs on this new sassy child.
....that's all my tired brain has brought....please take what you like and have fun writing!
✨PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!✨
DAY 26
POKEMON
Jessie, James, Meowth from Pokemon.
I should’ve drawn my favorite pokemon but i just remembered this three.
screenshot redraw!