The Book Of Moltres James: A Religiously Clueless Pokfic (part One)

The Book of Moltres James: A Religiously Clueless Pokéfic (part one)

Other contenders for titles: Yes, Virgin James, There Is A Moltres God; The Blood of the Chicken

This is a fic I wrote when I was thirteen (possibly old enough to know better). Apparently, I watched "The Fortune Hunters" and thought it needed a fix fic. Unfortunately, this fic is just a little broken.

This fic includes/will include: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (but since it's the human form of the spirit of Moltres, maybe it's okay?); mpreg/male pregnancy; a loose understanding of religion, cults, and the occult; bizarre focus on James's virginity; mentions of blood; general angst; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; definite out-of-character moments for the twerps; unrequited blueshipping from Meowth; original characters; bad ideas about romance; ellipses abuse

-O-o-O-o-O-

(James’s point of view)

I was a fallen soul.

“I’m not a Moltres,” I thought. “My life is trash.” That was what I used to think.

That was before I realized that I had looked up the wrong date. I had looked up the date March 20, 1984 instead of April 20, 1984.

“I’m not a Magikarp!” I thought. Oh, happy day!

Then another thought hit me: What if I was something worse? Like a Weedle? I was afraid to look at the fortune book for a week. Then I realized it’s only a fortune. It can’t hurt me. I looked up my fortune. I couldn’t believe it.

I was actually a Moltres.

-O-o-O-

I watched a group called the Moltres Witnesses. They were very serious Moltres worshippers.

Jessie called it a cult, but I didn’t care. I, too, had become a serious Moltres worshipper. I stopped eating chicken because Moltres is a fire chicken. I prostrated myself in the Temple of Moltres. Before I went in, I purged myself, forcing my body to rid itself of all impurities.

The only part of the chicken I would consume was its blood.

Later, I found out the Moltres Witnesses weren’t that extreme, they just bowed down and prayed to Moltres every day.

I didn’t really join the group at first. I only watched them, hiding, and secretly worshipped Moltres with them. I was too shy to ask them if I could join.

But one day, Moltres came. He was right next to me all along and I didn’t even know it.

I heard a voice on the wind say, “What are you doing over here in the bushes?”

I turned around. Moltres was there.

“I….” I was speechless.

“Yes?” Moltres patiently awaited my answer.

“I was honoring you,” I said, while bowing, “O Mighty Moltres.”

“I’ve seen you. You have given up eating the flesh of the chicken. You only drink the blood. You purge yourself before entering my temple,” Moltres said.

“You can talk?!”

“Yes, James, I can talk.”

I was shocked. He knew my name! Wow!

After that, I loved, respected, and honored Moltres even harder.

Then the accident happened.

-O-o-O-

Jessie and Meowth were watching the news on TV. An accident report came on. The accident wasn’t far from us.

“Wow. That’s nasty. That huge thing must’ve caused a really big fire,” Jessie said.

“Jessie, be quiet! Don’t let James hear!” Meowth said.

As soon as I heard the “don’t let James hear” part, I ran out into the living room.

The accident was Moltres.

Moltres had been hit by a truck.

I ran into the bathroom crying. I heard Meowth say, “I knew it would break his heart. I just wanted to protect him.”

After about five minutes, I snuck out of the bathroom to the crash site. Officer Jenny was there with Nurse Joy. The twerps were there, too.

I didn’t care who was watching. I bowed down to Moltres and talked softly to him.

“What’s he doing?” Ash said.

“Moltres must’ve been like a god. The legendary bird deserves a proper burial,” Officer Jenny said.

I attended Moltres’s funeral. The Moltres Witnesses were there, too. The twerps, Officer Jenny, and Nurse Joy were there, also.

I didn’t cry. I knew I had to be strong for Moltres. But I was thinking, “Why did you leave me like that, Moltres? Why did it have to be you?”

“It was just a chicken with fire on it,” Ash said.

I got mad. “No, he wasn’t! Moltres was a god to a group called Moltres Witnesses! How can you say he was ‘just a chicken’?”

Ash shut up for the rest of the funeral.

The Moltres Witnesses came up to me.

“Hey, you’re the one Moltres talked to!” one of them, a blond man, said.

I got a little scared. What if that was forbidden?

“What’s your birthdate? I wanna look up your Pokémon type.”

“April 20, 1984.”

The man flipped to April twentieth in the Pokémon fortune book.

“He’s a….a Moltres!” the man yelled.

“No wonder Moltres liked him. He’s kinda hot,” a red-haired guy said.

“Oh, give it up Ronald, he’s too young for you,” a green-haired woman said.

“What’s your name?”

“James. What’s yours?”

“Cujo.”

“I’m Rosemary,” the woman said.

“I’m Ronald,” the other guy said.

When the funeral was over, we said goodbye to each other. I walked home. I couldn’t believe Moltres had died.

“Who will I look up to now?” I thought.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: If a book says you're a thing, immediately join a cult for it and get hit on by Ronald McDonald at a funeral for a fire chicken. (DO NOT ACTUALLY DO THIS)

The Book of Moltres James: The Annunciation to the Virgin Moltres James (part two)

In which our Man-Mother of Everlasting Blaze is born anew in the purifying flames of the fire chicken. We're getting real weird with this one.

Part one is here.

This fic includes/will include: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (but since it’s the human form of the spirit of Moltres, maybe it’s okay?); mpreg/male pregnancy; loose understanding of religion, cults, and the occult; lack of medical knowledge; bizarre focus on James’s virginity; mentions of blood; general angst; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; unrequited blueshipping from Meowth; original characters; odd ideas about romance; ellipses abuse

-O-o-O-o-O-

(James's point of view)

I wanted to die.

I knew I was Pokébestial and in love with Moltres. I wanted to be with him, but he was dead. Even if he were alive, I couldn’t do it with him because I valued my virginity.

I didn’t know Moltres was in love with me until one fateful day.

I was fine until Jessie, Meowth, and I got in the van. I had been driving for about five minutes before I felt like I was going to vomit. Jessie and Meowth noticed.

“Why are we driving so slow?” Jessie asked. I pulled over.

“Hey, you okay, Jimmy?” Meowth asked.

I grabbed an empty paper bag and threw up in it.

“Jessie, I think you better drive,” Meowth said.

Jessie and I switched places.

“Maybe it’s just carsickness,” Meowth said.

“No, I never got carsick. Why would I start now?” I said.

When we got home, I went to the bedroom to lie down. I overheard Jessie and Meowth talking.

“No way! That can’t be what’s happening to James!” I heard Jessie say.

I went to the hallway so I could hear more clearly.

“I know the signs,” Meowth was saying.

“What signs?” I thought.

“After what happened while we were on the Shuckle potion, it wouldn’t be surprising if James was pregnant.”

Oh my gods.

“You did that with him?” Jessie said.

“No, not like that. I mean, I didn’t do it with him. But maybe some magical Poké-force was attracted to him and did it.”

You are crazy, Meowth.

“That could be possible,” Jessie said.

Please stop talking about that! I silently screamed. I ran back to the bedroom. A few minutes later, Meowth came in.

“Want any water?” he said, holding up a glass of water.

I just stared at him, dazed.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

He knows! He knows I overheard him and Jessie, he knows what I’m thinking. I just know it, I thought.

“James, there’s a special doctor you can go to,” Meowth said.

-O-o-O-

“A midwife?!”

“It’s just for a checkup,” Meowth said.

We were standing in front of a small building.

“They check for interspecies pregnancies in case anything really weird happened,” Meowth said.

We went inside. We were the only people in the lobby except for the receptionist. We already had an appointment. The doctor came out. He led Jessie, Meowth, and me into the exam room.

“According to what the receptionist told me, you’re here to get a pregnancy test,” he said.

I nodded.

“Okay.”

I had to lie down with my legs spread. The doctor used his machinery to look around my nether regions. When the test was done, the doctor looked over the results of the test. He looked completely surprised.

“Would you come in my office for a minute?” he said.

I went into the office with him.

“Have you had sexual intercourse with any Pokémon?”

“No, I’ve never even had sex. Why?”

“Because these test results are positive.”

I was shocked. “But that can’t be….”

“The test results are positive and you show all the signs. Also, my machinery detects that the child is of legendary Pokémon ancestry.” Then, he leaned in closer. “I think a greater force did this to you,” he added.

“What…?”

“This isn’t just a regular hospital. We study magic here, too.”

“Oh.”

When I walked out of there, I still had questions, but the doctor probably couldn’t answer them.

When we got home, Jessie and Meowth went to talk privately. I went into the bedroom, dazed.

Then, suddenly, a voice called me over to the window.

It was Moltres!

“Moltres!” I whispered, running over to the window.

“It’s me, James,” Moltres said. “I returned to tell you I did this to you.”

“You mean I’m…? O Mighty Moltres, it is an honor,” I said, bowing.

“I chose you because you were the purest Moltres Witness. Also, you are a virgin and still will be after you have the child.”

Then, just like that, Moltres disappeared. Just before Moltres disappeared, I saw a ghostlike figure of a person. The person had red-streaked yellow hair and was wearing golden robes.

Could they be Moltres’s human incarnation?

I told Jessie and Meowth the whole thing.

“Moltres did it?”

“The spirit of Moltres came back and told me.”

“Moltres? It would be okay if Meowth did it or even one of the twerps, but if Moltres did this to you, it might be some sort of evil spirit.”

“Jessie, don’t preach. Moltres isn’t evil.”

It wasn’t easy, but I finally convinced Jessie that Moltres wasn’t evil and he did it because I was a virgin and I was pure.

-O-o-O-

(Meowth’s point of view)

James was seven months pregnant with Moltres’s child.

He got emotional at times.

He seemed to be getting weird cravings for chicken blood.

We had found out James’s child wouldn’t be a Moltres, but a human.

James still worshipped Moltres every day.

One day, James got a fever. Jessie and I took care of him so his unborn child wouldn’t be harmed. We later found out that James was feverish because Moltres was a fire Pokémon. That’s also why the child was unharmed by the fever.

Once, I saw James streaking his face with blood and chanting to Moltres under the full moon. It was pretty weird, because I thought James wasn’t the gothic type.

Another time, I saw him crying in bed.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Why did Moltres have to die? Who would be so cruel to run over the Mighty Moltres?” James sobbed.

At that moment, I wished I knew.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Apparently James's conception was an Immaculate one.

you might want to check out the antishippers vs proshippers debacle

I don't think I'd like to get caught up in that sort of imbroglio.

Fascinating to observe from the outside, though.

A Worse Pill to Swallow: Second Litter (part two of three of a old Blueshipping Pokémon fic)

The sequel sure is a thing.

Part one is here.

This fic contains:

-Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (warning because some people might be disturbed by it, even though Meowth can consent in this story)

-unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy (I think mpreg is fine, just explain it maybe)

-bizarre anti-abortion overtones (the views expressed in this fic by twelve me do not represent the views of adult me)

-general angst

-swear words

-shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy

-possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth and extreme out-of-character moments for Brock (I don't even know why I made him a super douche; I actually liked Brock)

-random "Jessiebelle does dark magic" plotline

-weepy!James (even moreso than he is in canon), dickish!Jessie, and generic boyfriend!Meowth

-no, seriously, Brock is just the worst in this fic

-odd ideas about romance

-ellipses abuse

-O-o-O-

*James wakes up on the couch.

James: What happened? Meowth: You fainted. James: You mean I fell asleep. Meowth: What are you talking about? James: It's not yesterday? Meowth: Did you hit your head when you fell, Jimmy? James: I dreamt you told me I was going to have more kittens. Meowth: That wasn't a dream. You fainted and I dragged you onto the couch. James: May I be excused? Meowth: Sure.

*James goes into the bathroom and starts vomiting. Meowth goes in with him. James finishes vomiting and just sits next to the toilet, crying.

James: (sobbing) I just can't stand it. Meowth: You can always take the pills…. James: (sharply) No! (folds arms)

*Meowth is a little surprised by James's tone of voice.

Meowth: Okay, I won't make you do it. James: You better not.

*James's voice is as cold as the snow falling outside Team Rocket's cabin. Meowth decides not to say anything else about the pills.

*A few weeks later, a snowstorm occurs. Team Twerp is wandering around the forest.

Misty: Hey, look, a cabin! Maybe we could ask to stay there.

*They go to the cabin and knock on the door. Jessie answers it.

Jessie: What are you twerps doing here? Misty: We're stranded and we need a place to stay. Jessie: Sorry, we can't. Ash: Why not? Jessie: Because….(gets a Pikachu-stealing idea) I changed my mind. You can stay.

*Ash and friends come inside. Meanwhile, in the kitchen, James is drinking milk. The kittens are asleep. He looks up and sees the twerps entering.

James: What are they doing here? Brock: You're looking a little fat, James. James: Shut up. Brock: Well, you are.

*James shoves Brock up against the wall.

James: You understand that I can sit my so-called "fat" self on your skinny little twerp butt, right? Jessie: Get off the twerp. You'll scare him.

*James backs away from Brock, letting him slide down the wall and onto the ground. Jessie takes James aside and whispers the plan to him.

Jessie: It may interfere with your kittens, but you can probably bear it.

*James looks shocked at the deviousness of Jessie's plan.

Brock: What is your problem? James: (folds arms) Why do I have to tell you? Brock: Just answer the damn question! James: (smirks) No. Brock: What is your freakin' problem?! James: You're my problem! You bug me! Brock: If you think you aren't fat, then why does it bother you? James: Because I'm pregnant, not fat!

*The room is silent. Then Team Twerp starts laughing.

Brock: That's the stupidest thing I ever heard! Who would even want to do it with you? James: Why, you little punk!

*James grabs Brock by his shirt and is about to double slap him.

Meowth: James, calm down! It's not good for your kittens if you're like this! James: (to Brock) How do you think you'd feel if you were going to birth a whole litter of kittens in a week and someone kept bugging you? Brock: Put me down! Put me down! Meowth: Put him down, James.

*James drops Brock. He then storms out of the room into the bathroom, where he slams the door.

Meowth: What did you do to him? Brock: I just asked him what his problem was. Meowth: Never ask James that question. Especially when he's having kittens.

*Meowth goes into the bathroom. James is sitting with his head on the toilet seat. His hair is messy.

Meowth: Are you sick again? James: No. But I think I'm going to be. Meowth: Is it the kittens again? James: Yes. They keep kicking. I tried eating only bland foods, but it's not working. It's been like this since the start. It's almost like the kittens are purposely trying to hurt me. Meowth: They wouldn't be. They don't know any better and why would they want to hurt you? You're giving them life. James: Maybe you're right.

*James shifts slightly, which earns him a kick from the kittens. He winces.

Meowth: James! Are you okay? James: I'll be fine. (feels another kick) Ow! It's just getting worse. (winces) Maybe they're….coming early. (clutches stomach)

*The kittens stop kicking James and go to sleep.

James: I think they're finally asleep. Meowth: Maybe you should go to sleep, too. James: Good idea.

*Later, James is awakened from sleep in the early morning by the kicking of the kittens. He drinks a glass of warm milk and goes back to bed. James's departure from the bed and return wakes Meowth.

Meowth: You okay? James: I feel like they're going to claw their way out of me. Meowth: It must be Jessiebelle. She did dark magic to them. What has she put inside you instead of normal kittens? James: (crying) They're hellcats! All ten or twenty of them! She's put demon kittens inside of me! They're all demon kittens! (sobs)

*James feels a lot of kicks from the kittens. He cries out in pain, cursing his pregnancy.

James: (strained) She's mad that I wouldn't make an heir with her, so she's punishing me, using my body to create demons. That bitch.

*Team Twerp has been listening from the other room.

Brock: So he's really got a jelly doughnut in the oven. I guess he really is well-bred.

*The door they're leaning on swings open. James and Meowth see that they're being spied on.

James: What are you doing spying on us? Brock: I should take some of your "demon kittens" and breed them. Then they'll grow into pretty good battlers. James: Stay away from my kittens when they're born.

*Team Twerp goes back to bed. James turns over.

Meowth: Are you all right? James: Where did I go wrong? I was happy at first, but I don't know what to feel now.

*The next morning at 7:00 AM, a falsetto scream is heard.

Brock: The James trap worked.

*James comes out of the bathroom. His face is flushed and there is a glue trap stuck in his hair.

James: There is a glue trap stuck in my hair. I suggest the person who did this come over here and remove it. (puts hands on hips) I'm not leaving until you do.

*Brock comes over to him and takes out a pair of scissors.

Brock: This will be easy.

*Brock holds the scissors to James's hair and is about to cut some of his hair. James grabs Brock's arm.

James: Drop the scissors.

*Brock drops the scissors.

Brock: How am I going to remove it without scissors?! James: (sugary sweet voice) Well, then, I guess you'll have to find another way, won't you? (folds arms, smiles sweetly) Misty: He does look pretty cute like that. Brock: Whose side are you on?!

*Brock is about to get a handful of James's hair and pull it out of the trap. James flips his hair out of Brock's reach.

James: (giggles innocently) Lay one hand on my hair and you'll no longer have a hand. Brock: So what am I supposed to do? James: I don't know. (giggles a little too sweetly) Brock: First he's a brute, now he's an innocent ditz. James: (steps into Brock's space) What did you say? Brock: I said….There's no dispute! Yeah, we totally need to get that glue trap out. James: (steps out of Brock's space) That's better. (smiles sweetly)

*Brock reads the back of the glue trap.

Brock: It says "comes off victim in warm water." Okay, come over to the sink, James. James: Like I said, I'm not moving until you remove the trap. Brock: God damn it. (under his breath) You can lead a whore to water but you can't make him put his head in the sink. (gets an idea) I know what to do.

*Brock gets a small pail and fills it with water.

Brock: Want a shower? 'Cause I should pour it all over your dirty ass. Cool down the kittens. James: (sugary voice) I wouldn't do that if I were you.

*Brock holds the bucket up to James's hair. James puts his hair in the bucket. The glue trap dissolves and falls off.

James: Now behave yourself. You wouldn't want me to get ugly, would you? Brock: (sotto voce) You're already ugly. James: (ominously) What was that? Brock: Um….nothing! James: (smiles sweetly) That's better.

*James walks back into the bathroom and closes the door.

Brock: How did he possibly hear that?

*Later, in the bedroom….

Meowth: Ash is so annoying. James: It's not Ash, it's Brock. He keeps messing with me. Meowth: All Ash talks about is being a Pokémon master. Give the subject a rest. James: If I hear the word "fat" come out of Brock's mouth one more time….(goes back to bed) Meowth: (surprised) You just got up and now you're getting back in bed? James: (sighs) I'm just tired. Cats sleep for thirteen hours and I guess I should sleep that long for the kittens. Meowth: Actually, kittens sleep for sixteen hours. James: The longer the better. (yawns) Meowth: Are you sure you're not sick? James: I'll be fine.

*In a few seconds, James is in a deep sleep, snoring. Meowth watches him for a while.

Meowth: (thinking) He's so cute when he's sleeping.

*James has a dream where Jessiebelle comes and tries to take his kittens. He wakes up screaming.

Meowth: What's wrong, Jimmy? James: (shakily) I dreamt Jessiebelle tried to kidnap me and make me give birth to the kittens in her dungeon.

*Brock bursts into the room.

Brock: Are the kittens ready to come out?! James: No, and even if they were, you wouldn't be getting any of them. Brock: Oh, come on. You don't mean that. James: I believe I do. Brock: I can heal your pain. James: How? Brock: Give me the kittens and I'll tell you how. James: No. First of all, you're not getting any. Second of all, they haven't been born. Brock: I can heal your pain and help you birth them at the same time. James: No. (backs toward bedroom)

*James runs out of the room. Brock chases him through every room in the cabin. Brock finally traps James behind the couch.

James: (looks up, sees Brock) AHHH! Brock: Won't you let me help you birth the kittens? James: First, you insult me, then you threaten me? No way. If you want kittens, get your own two Meowths, and let them screw each other.

*James gets up and starts pushing Brock backward.

James: I'm going to birth them, and I'm going to keep them. (shoves Brock against the wall) Got that? Brock: (scared) Yes.

*James backs away from the wall, letting Brock fall to the ground.

James: Good day.

*James walks into the bedroom, after shooting a kind of flirtatious smile at Team Twerp.

Misty: Cute smile. Brock: Whose side are you on? Ash: That's the second time today he did that.

*Later that day, they're having lunch. James cooks meatballs and puts chocolate on his portion.

Brock: Why are you pouring chocolate on your meatballs? James: Because I like it.

*James eats every meatball on his plate and every last drop of chocolate. he drinks four glasses of milk. Brock stares at him.

Brock: Are you feeling okay? James: What's it to you?

*James puts his plate in the sink. He begins washing a spoon.

Brock: This fell off of your Pokéball belt. (holds out Pokéball) I'll give it back if you give me a kitten. (waves Pokéball in James's face) James: (slowly, ominously) Give me Victreebel's Pokéball. NOW. (holds up spoon)

*Brock walks over to where James is sitting and gives him the Pokéball.

Brock: (mockingly) Here ya go, Sugar-tits.

*James grabs Brock by his shirt and pulls him close to him.

James: (narrows eyes, smiles sweetly) Don't call me Sugar-tits.

*Victreebel comes out and bites James on the ass.

James: Let go of my sweet ass! (puts Victreebel back in the Pokéball)

*James smiles sweetly at Brock before getting up and walking back into the bedroom.

*Later that day, there is a telephone commercial on the TV. James bursts into tears at it.

Brock: What is your problem? Why are you crying at a commercial? It's just a friggin' commercial! James: You're getting on my last nerve! I'll bear the kittens, but I won't bear your constant harassment! Brock: Why are you even having kittens? Humans don't do that. James: This one does. Brock: Well, you're a Pokébestial freak. James: That's it! I may be a lot of things, such as irritable, hormonal, and emotional, but I am not a freak! Brock: Take a chill pill. Or maybe an anti-pregnancy pill. James: Maybe I will!

*Everyone looks at James, who has just realized what he's said.

Brock: You monster. Do you realize what you just said? James: You're right. I'm a monster.

*James runs into the bedroom, crying.

Meowth: What did you do that for?! Couldn't you see he didn't realize what he said?! Brock: I broke him. (yelling) Hey, James! Do you still have your Moltres personality now, kitten-murderer? James: (from bedroom) Shut up! (screaming) Just shut up, okay? (kicks door closed)

*Loud cursing while crying can be heard from behind the door.

James: That bastard! He knows I plan to have the kittens! He just wants them to come out all fucked up! He just wants an excuse to ridicule me! I hate Brock! I hate Brock! (crying) I am such a fiend for hating! I can't believe I almost considered taking the pills!

*Outside the bedroom door, Meowth is listening in.

Meowth: I better go in and talk to him.

*Meowth goes in. James is kneeling next to the bed with his face buried in the covers.

Meowth: James, what's wrong? James: It just hurts. (sobs) Meowth: That's a good sign. It means they'll come out soon.

-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Nobody is safe from the out-of-character plague.

Giovanni Is Just the Worst Boss (part one)

This is a darker fic. I was twelve when I wrote this and I honestly can't remember what spurred me to write this.

Content Warnings: Mentions of abuse; injuries (including burns); workplace violence mention (that will be shown later); James's cover stories for his injuries sounding way too similar to real-world cover stories; misunderstanding of medical issues and injuries; Meowth gets kind of weird about James's feet at the wrong time (wouldn't be a past!me fic without misplaced possible sexuality)

-O-o-O-o-O-

(Meowth’s point of view)

The day James came back to the cabin with a black eye, Jessie and I got worried.

“Where did you get that black eye?” I asked.

James looked at me and said, “I ran into a wall.”

Since this was a reasonable excuse, I didn’t say anything else about it. But the black eye looked painful and hard to see through.

And he didn’t actually run into a wall.

-O-o-O-

We sent James to the boss the next day. We had to choose a member of our team and send them to the boss for further orders every day for the next five days. James said his meeting with the boss went okay, so Jessie and I sent him because he wouldn’t start a fight.

To our surprise, one of James’s teeth was knocked out. We noticed it because it was one of his side front teeth.

Butch would have a field day if he was there.

“James, what happened? Why is one of your teeth knocked out?” I asked.

“It was a loose tooth,” James said. “I pulled it out.”

Two injuries in a row. And humans don’t usually get loose teeth in their late teens.

Something’s up, I thought.

-O-o-O-

James’s mouth had mostly healed by the next day. We sent him to the boss because the boss called him there.

When he came back, I didn’t see any injuries. But James was limping.

“Why are you limping?” I asked. “Did you sprain your ankle? You should stay off it. Let me—”

“No. Nothing happened. I’m fine,” James said. He tripped over his foot and fell.

I decided to seize the opportunity to examine James’s legs and feet. I took off his boots and socks. His feet were delicate and soft. They looked graceful and rather slender. Maybe James seemed so clumsy because his boots were slightly too big.

Anyway, there were no injuries on his feet.

I rolled up his pant leg. Nothing on his left leg. But on his right leg, there was a burn mark.

“James, why did you try to hide something like this? How did you even get this?” I said.

“I tripped over a Charmander’s tail and it burned me.” James sounded dead serious. He had a serious look on his face. I looked closer at his eyes. I could’ve sworn I saw tears.

Something told me that burn mark wasn’t from a Charmander.

-O-o-O-

The boss called for James again. James went to his office. I wished and hoped that James would not come back with an injury.

It didn’t work.

James came back with his arm in a cast. His eyes were completely glazed over and his hair was a little messed up. He was blushing slightly. Other than the flush on his face, he looked drained.

He saw Jessie staring at him and said, “Victreebel bit my arm and broke it.”

I thought this explained the cast and his skin being washed out. I thought James had been poisoned.

He wasn’t.

-O-o-O-

The fifth day we had to send James to the boss was the day we found out why James was injured.

James set off for the boss’s office looking pale and drained. He came home with a nosebleed.

“How did you get a nosebleed?” I asked.

“I fell out of a tree,” James said.

Both Jessie and I stared at James for a minute. Then Jessie said something that threw a wrench in all of James’s stories.

“If you fell out of a tree, then how did you climb up the tree with a broken arm?” Jessie asked.

James looked us both in the eyes. Then he ran into the bathroom, crying.

“I don’t think he was ready for that question,” I said.

“I don’t think those injuries are by accident,” Jessie said.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Serious moral of the story: Workplace abuse is wrong. Actually, any kind of abuse is wrong.

Not-so-serious moral: Meowth, bro, not the right time for foot stuff!

okay hear me out

What if there's blueshipping, but James and Meowth are the tougher, gay version of Jessica and Roger Rabbit

And Jessie is Eddie Valiant