For What Its Worth, I Got It Was A Joke, Not To Be Taken Seriously

for what its worth, I got it was a joke, not to be taken seriously

it's the internet people, weird things get said

At least one person got that that post wasn't meant to be taken so seriously.

I actually like blueshipping.

But most of the past!fic I'll post on here will probably be blueshipping Pokémon fic because I wrote a lot of it as a kid.

I still write it, but I'd like to think I've improved.

Level Nineteen and Pregnant: A Pokémon crackfic

For a change, here's a recent fic. Hopefully, it's not a badfic.

Of course, it contains blueshipping and mpreg. And TMI from Meowth.

-O-o-O-o-O-

James fidgeted on top of the toilet lid, but kept his eyes locked on the plastic stick in his hands. The suspense was worse than waiting for a blastoff. "Has it been a minute yet?"

Meowth checked the stopwatch. "Not even close." He glanced up at James. "Jimmy, don'tcha know a watched pee stick never turns?"

James's gaze never shifted. "That only applies to pots. Besides, I want to see the exact second the blue line appears."

Meowth scratched his head. "What difference does that make?"

James pushed his hair out of his eyes. "Maybe the speed at which it appears will indicate whether or not this test is even reliable." He sighed. "I really don't want to tell HQ's doctors about this."

Meowth reread the test's packaging. "It does say 'Ninety-nine percent more accurate than other brands.'" He blinked at the tagline. "Maybe I shoulda swiped some of those other brands."

James shook his head, as if to clear it. "The clerks would want to know what a Pokémon wanted with human pregnancy tests. We'll work with the one we've got." He hazarded a glance at the stopwatch. "Has it been a minute yet?"

Meowth checked and shook his head. "Thirty seconds left."

"What is taking you so long—oh." Jessie stopped short when she saw the box in Meowth's paws. "This certainly complicates our mission."

"Tell me something I don't know." James fidgeted again, then sat up straight. "It's changing! How much time is left?"

The beeping of the stopwatch was his answer. Meowth was on his shoulder in seconds. "What's it say?"

James squinted at the test's screen. "It's….half a blue line? That can't be right." He skimmed the instruction sheet. "Thin line, thick line, two lines, no lines—they say nothing about half-lines!"

Meowth examined the test. "Maybe this one's defective." He put the test down.

Jessie grabbed the test and examined it further. "I don't see any signs of damage. Are you sure you followed all the instructions?"

"Positive," James said. "I peed all over the blasted thing!"

Jessie dropped the test as fast as she'd picked it up. "If only Meowth were that thorough about Poké-protection."

"Hey! I double-bagged my meat," Meowth protested.

Jessie glared. "Mew damn it, Meowth! You're not supposed to use two condoms at once!"

"You're not?!" both Meowth and James asked, surprised.

"Not unless you want them to tear from rubbing together." Jessie gave an annoyed sigh. "This is why we need Sex Ed as part of Team Rocket training."

James squinted at the half line again—had it lengthened?— and asked, "So, Jess, could I be half-pregnant?"

Jessie only face-palmed. "Let me see those instructions."

While she read the instruction sheet, Meowth mused over his newfound knowledge. "Come to think of it, maybe I got the wrong kind." He looked up at Jessie. "Do they come in different sizes?"

"Of course," Jessie said. "Some pocket rockets blast off further than others."

"And some have a French tickler head," Meowth boasted. James gave a weak nervous laugh.

"Too much information, Meowth." Jessie continued to read through the instructions. "You dingbats, you're supposed to wait two minutes for it to work, not one!"

"Mew's Tongue," James swore before sliding off the toilet to vomit into it. Jessie went to hold his hair back.

"I guess we don't need that test anymore," Meowth said.

"He could just be nervous. Two minutes have probably passed by now. Go check the test," Jessie told him.

Meowth picked the test up and looked at the screen. The line had lengthened to reach the other end of the screen. "Well, there's the thick blue line."

Both Jessie and James's shoulders sagged. "Seriously?"

"As blue as James's hair."

James wiped his mouth. "It's lavender."

-O-o-O-o-O-

Blueshipping, why can't I quit you?

The Book of Moltres James: The Annunciation to the Virgin Moltres James (part two)

In which our Man-Mother of Everlasting Blaze is born anew in the purifying flames of the fire chicken. We're getting real weird with this one.

Part one is here.

This fic includes/will include: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (but since it’s the human form of the spirit of Moltres, maybe it’s okay?); mpreg/male pregnancy; loose understanding of religion, cults, and the occult; lack of medical knowledge; bizarre focus on James’s virginity; mentions of blood; general angst; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; unrequited blueshipping from Meowth; original characters; odd ideas about romance; ellipses abuse

-O-o-O-o-O-

(James's point of view)

I wanted to die.

I knew I was Pokébestial and in love with Moltres. I wanted to be with him, but he was dead. Even if he were alive, I couldn’t do it with him because I valued my virginity.

I didn’t know Moltres was in love with me until one fateful day.

I was fine until Jessie, Meowth, and I got in the van. I had been driving for about five minutes before I felt like I was going to vomit. Jessie and Meowth noticed.

“Why are we driving so slow?” Jessie asked. I pulled over.

“Hey, you okay, Jimmy?” Meowth asked.

I grabbed an empty paper bag and threw up in it.

“Jessie, I think you better drive,” Meowth said.

Jessie and I switched places.

“Maybe it’s just carsickness,” Meowth said.

“No, I never got carsick. Why would I start now?” I said.

When we got home, I went to the bedroom to lie down. I overheard Jessie and Meowth talking.

“No way! That can’t be what’s happening to James!” I heard Jessie say.

I went to the hallway so I could hear more clearly.

“I know the signs,” Meowth was saying.

“What signs?” I thought.

“After what happened while we were on the Shuckle potion, it wouldn’t be surprising if James was pregnant.”

Oh my gods.

“You did that with him?” Jessie said.

“No, not like that. I mean, I didn’t do it with him. But maybe some magical Poké-force was attracted to him and did it.”

You are crazy, Meowth.

“That could be possible,” Jessie said.

Please stop talking about that! I silently screamed. I ran back to the bedroom. A few minutes later, Meowth came in.

“Want any water?” he said, holding up a glass of water.

I just stared at him, dazed.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

He knows! He knows I overheard him and Jessie, he knows what I’m thinking. I just know it, I thought.

“James, there’s a special doctor you can go to,” Meowth said.

-O-o-O-

“A midwife?!”

“It’s just for a checkup,” Meowth said.

We were standing in front of a small building.

“They check for interspecies pregnancies in case anything really weird happened,” Meowth said.

We went inside. We were the only people in the lobby except for the receptionist. We already had an appointment. The doctor came out. He led Jessie, Meowth, and me into the exam room.

“According to what the receptionist told me, you’re here to get a pregnancy test,” he said.

I nodded.

“Okay.”

I had to lie down with my legs spread. The doctor used his machinery to look around my nether regions. When the test was done, the doctor looked over the results of the test. He looked completely surprised.

“Would you come in my office for a minute?” he said.

I went into the office with him.

“Have you had sexual intercourse with any Pokémon?”

“No, I’ve never even had sex. Why?”

“Because these test results are positive.”

I was shocked. “But that can’t be….”

“The test results are positive and you show all the signs. Also, my machinery detects that the child is of legendary Pokémon ancestry.” Then, he leaned in closer. “I think a greater force did this to you,” he added.

“What…?”

“This isn’t just a regular hospital. We study magic here, too.”

“Oh.”

When I walked out of there, I still had questions, but the doctor probably couldn’t answer them.

When we got home, Jessie and Meowth went to talk privately. I went into the bedroom, dazed.

Then, suddenly, a voice called me over to the window.

It was Moltres!

“Moltres!” I whispered, running over to the window.

“It’s me, James,” Moltres said. “I returned to tell you I did this to you.”

“You mean I’m…? O Mighty Moltres, it is an honor,” I said, bowing.

“I chose you because you were the purest Moltres Witness. Also, you are a virgin and still will be after you have the child.”

Then, just like that, Moltres disappeared. Just before Moltres disappeared, I saw a ghostlike figure of a person. The person had red-streaked yellow hair and was wearing golden robes.

Could they be Moltres’s human incarnation?

I told Jessie and Meowth the whole thing.

“Moltres did it?”

“The spirit of Moltres came back and told me.”

“Moltres? It would be okay if Meowth did it or even one of the twerps, but if Moltres did this to you, it might be some sort of evil spirit.”

“Jessie, don’t preach. Moltres isn’t evil.”

It wasn’t easy, but I finally convinced Jessie that Moltres wasn’t evil and he did it because I was a virgin and I was pure.

-O-o-O-

(Meowth’s point of view)

James was seven months pregnant with Moltres’s child.

He got emotional at times.

He seemed to be getting weird cravings for chicken blood.

We had found out James’s child wouldn’t be a Moltres, but a human.

James still worshipped Moltres every day.

One day, James got a fever. Jessie and I took care of him so his unborn child wouldn’t be harmed. We later found out that James was feverish because Moltres was a fire Pokémon. That’s also why the child was unharmed by the fever.

Once, I saw James streaking his face with blood and chanting to Moltres under the full moon. It was pretty weird, because I thought James wasn’t the gothic type.

Another time, I saw him crying in bed.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Why did Moltres have to die? Who would be so cruel to run over the Mighty Moltres?” James sobbed.

At that moment, I wished I knew.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Apparently James's conception was an Immaculate one.

okay hear me out

What if there's blueshipping, but James and Meowth are the tougher, gay version of Jessica and Roger Rabbit

And Jessie is Eddie Valiant

Giovanni Is Just the Worst Boss (part one)

This is a darker fic. I was twelve when I wrote this and I honestly can't remember what spurred me to write this.

Content Warnings: Mentions of abuse; injuries (including burns); workplace violence mention (that will be shown later); James's cover stories for his injuries sounding way too similar to real-world cover stories; misunderstanding of medical issues and injuries; Meowth gets kind of weird about James's feet at the wrong time (wouldn't be a past!me fic without misplaced possible sexuality)

-O-o-O-o-O-

(Meowth’s point of view)

The day James came back to the cabin with a black eye, Jessie and I got worried.

“Where did you get that black eye?” I asked.

James looked at me and said, “I ran into a wall.”

Since this was a reasonable excuse, I didn’t say anything else about it. But the black eye looked painful and hard to see through.

And he didn’t actually run into a wall.

-O-o-O-

We sent James to the boss the next day. We had to choose a member of our team and send them to the boss for further orders every day for the next five days. James said his meeting with the boss went okay, so Jessie and I sent him because he wouldn’t start a fight.

To our surprise, one of James’s teeth was knocked out. We noticed it because it was one of his side front teeth.

Butch would have a field day if he was there.

“James, what happened? Why is one of your teeth knocked out?” I asked.

“It was a loose tooth,” James said. “I pulled it out.”

Two injuries in a row. And humans don’t usually get loose teeth in their late teens.

Something’s up, I thought.

-O-o-O-

James’s mouth had mostly healed by the next day. We sent him to the boss because the boss called him there.

When he came back, I didn’t see any injuries. But James was limping.

“Why are you limping?” I asked. “Did you sprain your ankle? You should stay off it. Let me—”

“No. Nothing happened. I’m fine,” James said. He tripped over his foot and fell.

I decided to seize the opportunity to examine James’s legs and feet. I took off his boots and socks. His feet were delicate and soft. They looked graceful and rather slender. Maybe James seemed so clumsy because his boots were slightly too big.

Anyway, there were no injuries on his feet.

I rolled up his pant leg. Nothing on his left leg. But on his right leg, there was a burn mark.

“James, why did you try to hide something like this? How did you even get this?” I said.

“I tripped over a Charmander’s tail and it burned me.” James sounded dead serious. He had a serious look on his face. I looked closer at his eyes. I could’ve sworn I saw tears.

Something told me that burn mark wasn’t from a Charmander.

-O-o-O-

The boss called for James again. James went to his office. I wished and hoped that James would not come back with an injury.

It didn’t work.

James came back with his arm in a cast. His eyes were completely glazed over and his hair was a little messed up. He was blushing slightly. Other than the flush on his face, he looked drained.

He saw Jessie staring at him and said, “Victreebel bit my arm and broke it.”

I thought this explained the cast and his skin being washed out. I thought James had been poisoned.

He wasn’t.

-O-o-O-

The fifth day we had to send James to the boss was the day we found out why James was injured.

James set off for the boss’s office looking pale and drained. He came home with a nosebleed.

“How did you get a nosebleed?” I asked.

“I fell out of a tree,” James said.

Both Jessie and I stared at James for a minute. Then Jessie said something that threw a wrench in all of James’s stories.

“If you fell out of a tree, then how did you climb up the tree with a broken arm?” Jessie asked.

James looked us both in the eyes. Then he ran into the bathroom, crying.

“I don’t think he was ready for that question,” I said.

“I don’t think those injuries are by accident,” Jessie said.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Serious moral of the story: Workplace abuse is wrong. Actually, any kind of abuse is wrong.

Not-so-serious moral: Meowth, bro, not the right time for foot stuff!