Parsley-sage-rosemary-n-thyme - Livin' La Vida Loka

While in the classic scenario his guitar is Artie, lol.

it’s 1am and all i’m doing is watching the central park concert over and over and thinking about how paul looks at his guitar like he wants to fuck it

I am Seth, the Red.

I am Seth, great of magic.

I am Seth, lord of the wind.

I am Seth, lord of the storm.

I am Seth, lord of the desert.

I am Seth, the destructive one.

I am Seth, he with the great roar.

I am Seth, before whom the sky shakes.

I am Seth, he who is in the middle of fire.

I am Seth, the lord of power and strength.

I am Seth, he with great power at the tip of the Barque.

I am Seth, and I answered your call.

Were you aware, when you came to me?

Were you aware of what I would bring?

Were you aware that I would stick around?

Were you aware that I would tear your heart out of your broken ribs?

Were you aware that I would stand among the flaming sand as you cried out for help?

Were you aware that I would be there to help you?

Of course you were not.

That’s why I came.

You needed me.

You needed my lessons, the harder the better.

You needed to understand your rage more.

You needed to dance through the storm - no: with the storm.

You needed to find your may among the swirling dust devils and their dervish songs.

You needed to know how much you belong to the red sands, deadly and unforgiving, yet constellated with oases of peace.

And now that we’ve been through all that, tell me: would you really want me to go away?

Yeah. I thought so.

•

Uhm, yeah, sometimes I write my own devotional bits too. Sometimes someone inspires me and I listen and write. This time, it was Seth. The Red himself. So, a litte bit of devotion for him.

Image by Nathalie Braconnot, as credited.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

@solostinmysea 🥲

we do not talk enough about the moment right before crowley puts his sunglasses back on. the "nothing lasts forever" is devastating and if you're like me your eyes were so full of tears you couldn't see the screen the first time you watched it (just like crowley, look at us all twinning in sadness!).

there is a shift that happens in his eyes and i think it is absolutely fascinating and heartbreaking at the same time.

we begin with crowley averting his gaze from aziraphale's face and staring off into the distance instead, and you can see his spirit break. that crowley just lost the one thing in the world he cannot live without and we can see it written across his face like a neon sign.

then, as you'd expect, he gives into the need to cover up his pain, to try and make himself less vulnerable, and even before he lifts his glasses he looks down so aziraphale can no longer see his eyes.

now, the next part is what would not let me out of its grasp all day. we know it happens because of his demeanour afterwards and up until the kiss, but you can actually watch as crowley makes himself numb to the world.

i am intimately familiar with dissociation as a trauma and stress response, and while you can never fully control it, you do eventually find the switch in your mind that makes you snap back into the haze. crowley has had six thousand years to get really, really good at leaving reality behind when he needs and/or wants to.

that's exactly what he does.

he still looks sad, and yet there's just something distinctly distant in his eyes, the shift from openly heartbroken to "i don't want to feel any of this let me leave".

glasses? on

emotions? off

hotel? trivago

i have stared at those four frames more than any person probably should and i don't know if it's the light, if i am going insane, or if there is a single tear sliding out of his right (our left) eye. i'm probably insane and the light is a bitch so if anyone has some high resolution shots or anything that could answer that question without a doubt PLEASE do add it.

by now you are probably ready to threaten me with a knife in a dark alley but before you do that or drive your car off a cliff, let me tell you the best part:

aziraphale notices.

they might be communicating on two different frequencies but aziraphale knows crowley. he knows and loves him, and, most importantly, over the last few years he has gotten used to seeing crowley without his glasses. aziraphale could probably write a book on the expressions in his eyes alone and watches that shift happen and is devastated.

look.

he tries to make himself hope the same second, tries to convince himself crowley is putting on his glasses so they can leave together, but he knows.

aziraphale sees the light leave crowley's eyes, sees crowley leave, knowing that he is quite literally running away from him. you and me against the world, angel, but in that moment crowley firmly pushes him back to "the world" (or tries to, anyway).

the entire season we see crowley take off his glasses whenever he enters the bookshop to the point where he's running around without them on in broad daylight with jimbriel right there.

can you imagine how hurt and confused aziraphale must be?

because what crowley is telling him, if we really, really break it down, is that aziraphale is no longer a safe person for him. and repairing that trust is going to take time and work, no matter how much crowley loves him, how badly they love and need each other.

anyway to seal this off and really rub in the pain - how it started vs. how it ended. <3

oh one last thing: now crowley no longer has a single person he can be himself around, no one that knows him, no one he trusts. no one in whose presence he can take his glasses off.

and outside of the bentley and his own flat, he no longer has a place to do so either. the bookshop was theirs. with aziraphale gone, is it really a safe place anymore? is it somewhere he can just let himself be knowing he will be looked after and protected?

easy answer: no.

alright, off i go. see y'all on the next angst post or in the tags.

Not me lighting a candle and incense and turning on a punk record for sutekh's day and immediately snapping out of my depressive episode

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY

How did I miss this till today?!

How do I find this interview??

How do I breathe again...?

Art: I remember that period as an inevitable splitting up of the two of us that was an expression of what felt right at the time.

Paul: It’s strange to be partners, you know, especially you get to be forty - in your forties, you know - and you’re partners, you know. ‘Well, Paul, you think that? Well how does Artie feel about it?’ I mean, like, well, what difference does it make?

- Good Morning America, 1983