Am I The Only One That Hates Mascara? You Can Never Get It Off, It Flakes During The Day, It Melts In

am I the only one that hates mascara? you can never get it off, it flakes during the day, it melts in hot weather or if your eyes are watery (my eyes are super watery)

when I was younger I used to be addicted to mascara, I literally used to wear it every day at school (with other makeup too, but if I didn't have the time I would have definitely put mascara on at least)

It's because I used to think that I'm ugly and that my lips are too small for any lip products that is not lip balm, but as I grow up I realized that I look so much better and cleaner without any kind of eye makeup

and believe it or not it had a little impact on my mental state: everyday I was in a rush and I always used to mess it up, I used to have literal breakdowns because I was running late and I couldn't put on mascara properly, and at night it was a pain in the ass to take off. and my whole self esteem was attached to it, for some reason in my head if I wore mascara I would have looked a lot better.

I love my makeup routine now (even if I want to make it smaller) especially because it doesn't have mascara. oh and I love love loove lip products now <3

yes, I still think that my lips are small (I will get injections in the future :p) but lip liner and lip oil help so much, now if I have to leave the house and I don't want to wear makeup I always have my little lip combo moment that I love sooo much (I use essence 8h matte lip liner in the shade 04 and the essence cranberry oil (that is sadly out of production)) and absolutely no mascara never ever again in my whole life

and before anyone says that this is a metaphor, no it's not I really just hate mascara

thank you for making it this far, I hope somebody actually appreciates my little silly talk

why I want to become skinny

1. I HATE MY BOOBS SOOOO MUCH OMG

they became so big because I gained weight, I feel so ridiculous because I'm a blonde with big boobs and a mediocre face and it's driving me crazy

also they ruin every outfit, because they are not nice boobs, they are fat boobs so they just make me look a hundred times fatter than what I actually am, I hate them so much

(manifesting an A cup)

2. to let that specific person know that I am able to lose weight and she isn't.

she's obese, we are not friends anymore because she's a fucking finger in the ass, she's rude, she thinks she's better than anyone else, SHE EVEN CALLED MY MOM A WHORE AND A SLUT BECAUSE MY MOM SAID (to me in private) THAT SHE THINKS SHE'S A LOSER (she's right btw)

and she even fucking risked my life by giving confidence to a fucking creepy man on the bus we were on, all of this just because she's desperate for cock and she hates the fact that she's 21 and still a virgin (there is literally nothing wrong with this but pop off dainty queen)

I hate her so much, I'm not usually fatphobic but she fucking deserve it, she uses any kind of excuse to not lose weight, if gluttony was a person it would be her, she's so fat I'm so lucky to not be her, I mean yeah I let myself go but I'm still able to see my ribs at least while she can't even sit properly on a chair

so yeah I hope one day she'll be able to see how thin and skinny I have become 🎀🩷

3. I need new clothes and I want to dress like I dream of !!

TW: ED Rant

I absolutely hate what I've done to myself. I was so, so close to being the smallest weight I've been since middle school. I was seeing so much progress on such short time. And now I'm heavier than my highest weight I've ever been in my life. God, I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. I just can't stop shoveling absolute garbage into my mouth. My body looks grotesque now. I don't even know what I'm looking at when I look in the mirror. I'm a fat fucking pig who deserves absolutely nothing.

Tomorrow is my little brother's birthday party and I know I'll hate what I wear because it won't even matter the outfit I choose cause my body is fat and nothing will look good on me and there'll be so much food and candy and cake but I won't eat it. I'm done feeling this way I'll get a job soon and I'll get to skip all the meals I want, just like I did before. And I'll try even harder this time I'll restrict even more

(not my pic)

has anybody tried chia pudding? I prepared it like ten minutes ago and now it has to sit overnight in the fridge, is it good/does chia actually help with snatching your waist?

a mistake I made today

(I'm not cutting my calories too low like I used to, I'm swinging between 800 and 1000 thanks to the hello kitty diet.)

yesterday (well technically, two days ago since now it's 2 am) was day one of the diet, and it went perfectly, I had to eat 800 calories, I did it in 3 balanced and healthy meals, I was satisfied.

but what happened today, where I had to eat 100 cal more?

I didn't think about volume eating and balance

for breakfast I tried chia pudding, and for lunch I had cucumber sushi.

both are low in calories, right? right

for dinner I had a "wrap" with hummus, carrots and other things.

all of that was more than 500 calories, which means that I wasted more than 1/2 of my daily calorie intake only for dinner!

and the worst thing is that the wrap was not that filling.

but apart from that I'm still very proud, I didn't binge, I didn't eat anything else that was not in my meal plan, I drank 2.5 litres of water.

I already did meal plan for tomorrow and I divided my meals all around 200 cals each, and I choose lots of low cal food that I can actually eat in big portions.

oh and also I got very hungry today because I basically didn't eat protein which is a very bad thing to do, but don't we all learn for our mistakes? 🩷

can't wait to wake up tomorrow, not just because I'm hungry asf, but because I want to see how my body reacts to these slightly differences in my diet, from one day to another.

also I'm paying attention to eating super healthy food, no chemicals, no additives, no ogm, just organic and plain food that makes my body feeling good and full of energy (I actually need it both because I'm sick and I'm renovating my room by myself)

period has come

let's see if I'm able to go through it without having cravings