No?! I Feel This Warrants More Discussion.

No?! I feel this warrants more discussion.

Jamie MacDonald from The Thick Of It

Please reblog for a larger sample size.

The best thing about writing Red Dwarf fanfic that follows the show and starts before Legion is that you just *know* your readers are sitting there holding hands and trembling with excitement while they wait for *that* chapter.

Guys, if this is offensive please tell me and I'll remove, but frankly, I'm starting to realise I need more unapologetically gay men in my life.

if my father sees this, you'll have to marry me

Guys, I'm just imagining being the only girl on Red Dwarf and frankly, I think it'd be an absolute nightmare.

Imagine it, testosterone all over the place. Like, he'd settle down eventually but for the first week you'd have to put up with Lister constantly reminding you that you *are* the only living woman left in the universe technically. He'd stop eventually and actually be a really good friend, except very occasionally if he got too drunk, but he'd never actually try anything.

And then there's Kryten seeing absolutely no issue with doing your laundry along with everyone else's, so you walk into the kitchen or the mess room one day and your underwear is just drying on a line, while everyone else is trying to eat and pretending they haven't noticed. Not to mention that every month you'd have the added bonus (humiliation) of a banner stretched across one wall saying 'Have a Happy Period', just because Kryten would make it his duty to know about these things.

The Cat, well I really don't know how he'd react to be honest. He'd either flirt constantly or just treat you the same as he does Lister since, you know, you're both technically monkeys to him.

And Rimmer would just decide that he doesn't like you, just because he's hopeless with women and assumes you won't like him, so it just saves time. He'd spend most of his time rolling his eyes at the soppy rom-coms you and Lister bond over.

Basically at some point you will end up building a blanket fort in a corner of the cargo bay and hiding in there with biscuits and a book where no-one can find you.

Edited to add: It'd be slightly better when Holly becomes a woman, if for no other reason than it just *feels* nice to see another female face.

Felt like talking about my Red Dwarf OC. Ask me anything, I dare you.

Name: Persephone (but everyone calls her Sephy or Seph. The only person who thinks of her as Persephone is Rimmer, but he'd never admit it in a million years.)

Height: 5'4" (I think. She comes up to Rimmer's shoulder, that is my frame of reference.)

Hair Colour: Red. Like, a lot of red, red hair.

Eye Colour: Brown.

Likes: Playing piano, horse riding, reading, Greek mythology, Audrey Hepburn films, eating cheese straight out of the packet, Rimmer.

Dislikes: Being wrong, not getting the last word, spiders, Jeff Wayne's War of the Worlds, Rimmer (it's complicated.)

Outfits: Sephy is usually seen in oversized JMC uniforms. Her trousers are obviously mens, they gape at the waist and she has to roll the cuffs up several times in order to stop them dragging on the floor. She also wears a grey tank top and a JMC shirt. It turns out she's wearing Rimmer's old uniform.

Sephy also wears a red strapless dress in the Timeslides chapter and a green fifties style cocktail dress in The Last Day chapter.

Misc: Sephy was found in the stasis pod of a derelict, and has no memory of her life before regaining consciousness on Red Dwarf. Rimmer was the one who started calling her Persephone, although why he named her after the Greek Goddess of Spring and the Queen of the Underworld nobody knows, or seems to have even asked at this point. Even he doesn't know, or would rather not think about it.

Sephy has zero emotional awareness or control. Most of her strong emotions come out as anger, which is usually bad news for any objects not stuck down when she's pushed.

Sephy can play piano by ear, although she cannot play Flight of the Bumblebee. When she's frustrated or upset she will repeatedly attempt to play it, and start all over again if she makes a mistake. The boys usually draw straws to decide who has to go make her stop when this happens.

Sephy also smokes when she's upset or angry. She usually steals them from Lister, but respects Rimmer's no smoking signs.

She frequently either takes the piss out of Rimmer when he's wearing his green hat, or threatens to throw things at his head. However, she usually has a pen jammed behind her ear whenever he's wearing it. (Anyone else noticing the wardrobe parallels here?)