Kryten - Tumblr Posts
Smeghead...
Now, from this point on, things get a little bit confusing...
in order to convince my friends to watch red dwarf, i cranked out a brief summary of every single episode but i tried to make them all sound as stupid as possible to draw interest :) if yk, yk!
Red Dwarf Headcanons (w/ a copius amount of Rimster)
Rimmer once stole Lister's guitar, repaired the missing strings, and tuned it and when Lister found out, he was upset until he tried playing it and realized that it didn't actually sound bad
With the guitar tuned, Rimmer still doesn't want to hear Lister play anything, but then Lister agrees to learn Edelweiss from The Sound of Music and Rimmer decides that he's allowed to play that
Rimmer then forces Lister to play Edelweiss for him whenever he can't sleep and although Lister gets sick of the song, he does it anyway because he knows it makes Rimmer happy
The two eventually move out of their bunkroom and into the Captains Quarters on Lister's suggestion because it has a bigger bed; Rimmer agrees to it because he likes the idea of occupying the room of the highest ranking officer on the ship
Lister can actually cook if he tries hard enough and has a recipe, meanwhile Rimmer cannot cook whatsoever; he attempted once and was henceforth banned from the kitchen
Rimmer is actually very physically affectionate but hates having to initiate it and so Lister learns all of Rimmer's unspoken cues for when he wants a hug or a hand to hold
Lister uses all sorts of ridiculous pet names for Rimmer just to get him worked up
The Cat will sometimes just come into Rimmer and Lister's room, sleep on the foot of their bed, and then if they question it he'll just say that it was the most comfortable spot in the moment
When Lister and Rimmer eventually want to get married, Kryten ends up officiating the wedding after taking an online course to get a license but then ends up objecting during the objections because he's upset that now he'll have one less set of sheets to launder
Rimmer is asexual and didn't realize it until he tried to make moves on Lister and Lister confronted him, asking if he actually wanted sex or if he just thought it was just what people are supposed to do in relationships (Rimmer totally thought it was just relationship protocol)
Rimmer will occasionally take Lister's leather jacket and wear it around because it makes him feel safe and loved
OHHH YEAHHH RED DWARF TEXTPOST TIME :D
HELLO FELLOW RED DWARF & THEATER NERD!!! I HAVE ADDITIONS TO YOUR ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL LIST:
You’re the Top from Anything Goes. It gives season 7 Lister and Kochanski hyping each other up. I FEED on their friendship dynamic because they’re both so good for one another. They need that healthy balance of Kochanski being a productive icon and Lister being... Lister!
Best Worst Mistake from If/Then. Need I say it? Rimster 100%.
Maybe This Time from Cabaret. This is very much Rimmer lamenting about how he’s never had anything good. On how no one ever loved him because he was never good enough and how much that hurt him, but how deep down, he still has a shred of hope that maybe someday, he’ll finally win at something.
King Herod’s Song from Jesus Christ Superstar. This one may be a bit of a random take, but hear me out: season 1 Cat. The absolute disappointment of finding out your God is just some guy. Some standard guy that can't even do cool tricks.
I’m Calm from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. ARNOLD RIMMER CODED ASF. This man being like ‘oh yeah I’m fine I’m chill’ and then screaming and crying two seconds later. Rimmer and Hysterium have the same level of mental stability fr fr (although ik Rimmer is worse off).
Put on a Happy Face from Bye Bye Birdie. Lister singing this to Rimmer to be absolutely insufferable because he wants Rimmer to stop being such a miserable bastard. Then Lister forces him to dance and Rimmer starts smiling and Lister is like 'HA I GOT YOU!'
Nothing from A Chorus Line. This is another stretch one but the whole energy of this song really screams Kryten to me. I think he'd appreciate the idea of trying to feel something that everyone else can only to find that he can't in fact. He'd sing this under the circumstances of trying to learn basic feelings back when he was first found and not being able to find anything in himself.
Something Good from the Sound Of Music. Rimster if ever I did see it! Rimmer singing this while thinking about how despite the fact that his whole life has been a series of mistakes and failures, Lister has been the one good thing in his life. Lister singing back to Rimmer about how even though he's lost everything else, he still has Rimmer. They're still there, loving each other, despite everything that has happened.
But Not for Me from An American in Paris. OHHHH WHEN I TELL YOU THIS IS SO SEASON 8 NANO-RIMMER AND KOCHANSKI DUET!!! Nano-Rimmer singing as Adam about how he's not the right Rimmer for the Lister in this universe because this Lister is still in love with the Rimmer that went off as Ace. Meanwhile, Kochanski as Milo sings for her Dave who's off in the other universe while she's stuck here, doomed to go on without him. They're both stuck with the knowledge that there are others getting happy endings out there, but neither of them will ever get the ending that they wanted.
If You Were Gay from Avenue Q. Rimster but in their canon-typical stupid fashion. Lister being like 'omg hahaha what if you were gay?' and Rimmer taking it insanely personal and being like 'WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT I AM NOT GAY I WILL NEVER BE GAY WHAT EVEN IS GAY HAHAHHA...' while knowing full well he is totally gay.
AAAA THIS WAS SO FUN TO YAP ABOUT :3 THANK YOU FOR MAKING THAT OG POST BECAUSE I HAD A GRAND TIME ADDING ON!!!
Been imagining the Red Dwarf crew being in songs from musicals.
Like for example:
Waving Through a Window from Dear Evan Hansen. Basically sums Rimmer’s loneliness quiet nicely and how ignored he has been his entire life. How there’s a window between him and the rest of the crew and/or the rest of the world. And it gets worse when he becomes a hologram because there’s a barrier between the dead and the living.
There Right There from Legally Blonde is wild ride. As I imagine the Cat, Kryten, Holly and Kochanski all debating whether Rimmer is either Gay or European whilst Lister is standing in the corner waiting for his big dramatic solo at the end.
Your Fault from Into The Woods. The whole Red Dwarf crew just pointing fingers at each other for some absurd reason. Lister as Jack. Rimmer as the Baker. Cat as Little Red Riding Hood. Kryten as Cinderella. Either Kochanski or Holly as the Witch.
Tears to Shed from The Corpse Bride. Rimmer just brooding jealousy and hurt as he feels he can’t compare to an alive Kochanski for Lister. Set between series 8 and BTE. I would like Female Holly and Kryten are consoling him because they’re all electronic life forms. The Cat wouldn’t be involved since he wouldn’t care.
Anything You Can Do from Annie Get Your Gun. Just a whole funny singsong argument of Rimmer and Lister trying to one up each other. As they always do of course.
I have plenty more examples cus I find it fun trying to fit the Red Dwarf crew in any musical song.
OHHH YEAHHH RED DWARF TEXTPOST TIME PART 2 :D
Chapters: 3/? Fandom: Red Dwarf (UK TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Arnold Rimmer/Original Female Character(s) Characters: Original Female Character(s), Original Characters, Arnold Rimmer, Dave Lister, The Cat (Red Dwarf), Kryten (Red Dwarf), Holly (Red Dwarf) Additional Tags: Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, Developing Relationship, Episode Related, Original Character(s), Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Angst, Attempt at Humor Summary:
Sephy may not know who she is or where she comes from, but she does know she doesn't like a certain hologram. Which is fine, because he doesn't like her either. The two just have nothing in common.
Or do they?
Guys, somebody did a Red Dwarf/Thunderbirds vid, and now frankly I would remortgage my house to make this crossover a reality.
Guys I'm bored and wanna talk about my OC, literally ask me anything and I'll answer it.
Guys, I'm just imagining being the only girl on Red Dwarf and frankly, I think it'd be an absolute nightmare.
Imagine it, testosterone all over the place. Like, he'd settle down eventually but for the first week you'd have to put up with Lister constantly reminding you that you *are* the only living woman left in the universe technically. He'd stop eventually and actually be a really good friend, except very occasionally if he got too drunk, but he'd never actually try anything.
And then there's Kryten seeing absolutely no issue with doing your laundry along with everyone else's, so you walk into the kitchen or the mess room one day and your underwear is just drying on a line, while everyone else is trying to eat and pretending they haven't noticed. Not to mention that every month you'd have the added bonus (humiliation) of a banner stretched across one wall saying 'Have a Happy Period', just because Kryten would make it his duty to know about these things.
The Cat, well I really don't know how he'd react to be honest. He'd either flirt constantly or just treat you the same as he does Lister since, you know, you're both technically monkeys to him.
And Rimmer would just decide that he doesn't like you, just because he's hopeless with women and assumes you won't like him, so it just saves time. He'd spend most of his time rolling his eyes at the soppy rom-coms you and Lister bond over.
Basically at some point you will end up building a blanket fort in a corner of the cargo bay and hiding in there with biscuits and a book where no-one can find you.
Edited to add: It'd be slightly better when Holly becomes a woman, if for no other reason than it just *feels* nice to see another female face.
Comments and kudos make me want to cry and cling to your leg as I thank you over and over again. Plus I am an unapologetic attention seeker. Go nuts guys!
You don't need anyone's approval for the stories you write and the art you create. But it's also absolutely valid to want some approval from your audience. Kudos and likes don't determine your creation's worth. But it just feels amazing to receive them.
I CANNOT BE STOPPED HAHAHAHAHA
(Yes I will be making Cat and Kochanski too)
My favourite silly space show!
The Squad!
Gazpacho soup!!
My favourite problem though.