Red Dwarf Smut - Tumblr Posts
And this isn't a fanfic because ...?
“When I first watched Red Dwarf in the early 90s, I thought both Rimmer and Lister were so hot that they gave me my first ever threesome fantasy. I won’t tell you how old I was, let’s just say I couldn’t have been a full member of the golf club and leave it that”.
Admin note: Whoa, someone is honest! I don’t blame you! Haha
It’s funny as I have another confession that’s similar ;)
Just to give you warning - in case this offends you! Not everyone is OK with reading about sexual explicity stuff…
But I hope no one is offended as most RD fans are old enough to not be disgusted or confused by this.
I don’t think this fully counts as NSFW but I’ll tag it that way just in case!
This is not my fic, but goddammit if its not the best Red Dwarf fanfic I've ever read. Someone get this person a job writing for the show, right bloody now.
Also I need to be this persons best friend.
Need your help guys. The next chapter of my fic is supposed to be Camille, and besides the obvious "Oh look, she looks at the thing that can turn into your deepest desires and it's turned into Rimmer" I really don't know what to do with it.
All suggestions/ideas welcome. Is there something you wish was in that episode? Do you have an idea you wish someone would write? Let me know, I need help!
This. This all day long. This doesn't just live in my head rent free, it has kicked out all my other thoughts and claimed squatters rights.
Like I am convinced, absolutely convinced, that if you gave that boy a nudge in the right direction he'd make Christian Grey look like a choir boy. (She says having never read Fifty Shades, but assuming.)
hi buddy, as a normal person who saw the post abt low rimmer and the secret instincts, yep. he looves having authority, being in control, barking orders at people, etc, which he's even admitted himself at least once. as such, (god makes the rules, not me) be patient and let him stumble through his fear and awkwardness for a while, get him in his zone, and be DESTROYED
Not me thinking about this on the bus to work 🫣🤣
A few years back I think I would have had Rimmer down as the whiny submissive type but now I think maybe he's a bit of a switch in that, yes, you could totally get him in his zone and let him wreck you 🥵 but also afterwards, (maybe my brain is switching to Chris rather than Rimmer here but 😅😅😅) he wouldn't mind just resting on your shoulder while you stroke his hair after he put all that energy into being in that kind of role 😇
I think maybe I'm also thinking of Thanks For The Memory Rimmer where he gets all soft and sings that song while being all sad 😔 You know how you could just cuddle him and make him feel loved even after letting him fulfil what could be a very hard core fantasy (depending on how he wants to play it out and how far you're willing to let him go 😈)
Read up guys, we're starting a book club in hell.
Me: I will never read Fifty Shades of Grey
Tumblr: Someone wrote a Red Dwarf version
Me: God help me I am going to hell.
So ... what are our thoughts on a piano?
i’m all sex positive and shit but i’m begging you. do not make your characters over 30 fuck on the floor. please. think of their lower backs. their knees. have some empathy 🙏
This. Also works on characters. A couple of months ago I rewatched Red Dwarf and thought, 'huh, I forgot how cute Rimmer is.'
Read a fanfic and my brain went, 'there is now nothing we would not do if this man asked us.'
I am once again reminded of the dangers of reading fan fiction. I am only ever one fic away from going absolutely insane over a new ship.
This face. This face right here. This is the face that has me convinced that if you gave this boy a nudge in the right direction he'd make Christian Grey look like a Catholic choir boy.
Me IRL: *actually very shy*
Me on Tumblr: GATHER ROUND MY GLORIOUS BITCHES FOR I HAVE SMUTTY THOUGHTS TO SHARE!!! (Also hands out scones.)
List of fics, some posted, some not. If you like the look of one not yet posted let me know and I'll get working in it.
RED DWARF
Persephone
The last woman in the universe has no memories, no past and no filter. She and Rimmer could be perfect for each other, or a match made in hell.
Posted on AO3
The Captain's Wife
AU in which Rimmer has everything he's ever wanted, a wife, a family and his own ship. But it turns out being the Captain has its own problems.
Not yet posted (one chapter written)
THE THICK OF IT
Holly Tucker
Malcolm's young wife has a past he helped her move on from, and a present that could blow his life apart.
Posted on AO3
LIE TO ME
Lie For Me, I Dare You
It turns out the only person Cal can't read isn't an expert, or even a loved one. It's a call girl.
Not yet written (idea only)
Me, writing: Okay, this is fine. I've written smut before, I can do this.
My brain: What are you doing?! People are going to see this! They'll think we're weird!
Me, smacking head against wall.
Gather round darlings, the next chapter of Persephone is up now and we're finally going smutty!