Neptune: Come On! They Have One Female Servicing A Large Group Of Males. That Implies A Species That

Neptune: Come on! They have one female servicing a large group of males. That implies a species that lays eggs!

Sun: Oh my god, you're crazy! They are so obviously mammals!

Neptune: Oh please, she'd be in estrus 24/7 if she didn't lay eggs!

Sun: Smurfs don't lay eggs! I won't tell you this again! Papa Smurf has a fucking beard! THEY'RE MAMMALS!!!

Jaune: *Wakes up at a table, handcuffed*

???: *Out of speaker in front of Jaune* Hello Jaune.

Jaune: W-Why am I in handcuffs?!

???: You've been randomly accepted to be part of, sort of... a game show.

Jaune: ... A game show?

???: Yes. You could call it a game show.

Jaune: Lets gooo! I love game shows, lets get it! I'm ready!

???: ... We appreciate your enthusiasm. We'll see how long that lasts. Lets go over the #1 rule. The rule is: If you die... you lose.

Jaune: Ahh, okay. So just life then.

???: What?

Jaune: That's literally just life, right? Like, you wanna NOT die?

???: Okay, but the difference is... we're trying to kill you.

Jaune: Ahh, got it.

???: Good. For your first tas-

Jaune: So basically, it's just like how 90% of nature is towards humans.

???: Shut the fuck up! Or we'll just go in there and shoot you.

Jaune: Shutting the fuck up.

???: For your first task, you will answer a set of questions.

Jaune: Oh imma dog at trivia, hit me.

???: Question - What word becomes shorter when you add two letters?

Jaune: Short.

???: Quick, but wrong. For your punishment y-... Wait, what was your answer?

Jaune: The word's short. It becomes shorter when you add 'E' 'R' to it, that's two letters. It's short.

???: ... Very good. I'm used to people getting that wrong. But that's an easy one.

Jaune: Wait, do I get points, or money, each correct answer?

???: You get to NOT DIE.

Jaune: Oh right, the theme. This is so crazy!

???: Next question - 4 cars stop at a 4 way intersection, all at the same time, and all coming from different directions. They can't decide who got there first, so they all go at once at the same speed, but no one ran into each other. How?

Jaune: Hm, they all made right turns.

(In a separate room)

Adam: Does he have his scroll under the table or something?!

Ilia: I took his scroll.

Adam: Okay but, where are you getting these questions?

Ilia: We made them!

Adam: Right!? Like, these aren't just known questions! (To Jaune) How many fingers am I holding up?! *Holds up 2 fingers*

Jaune: Two.

Adam: *Holds up 5 fingers*

Jaune: No five! It's five.

Adam: *Slams fist against table in frustration*

Adam: I got 2 buttons in front of me. Button #1 kills 100,000 people, at random. Button #2 kills the 2 most important people to you, in your life specifically! Which button do I press? You have 30 seconds.

Jaune: Ohh, that's a hard one-Button 1, press it.

Adam: Button #1? The 100,000 people one?

Jaune: Yup, hit it!

Adam: You didn't even think about it, think about it first! Are you crazy!

Jaune: I thought about it.

Adam: You're gonna kill 100,000 people, instead of just 2?

Jaune: Is that... not the right answer?

Adam: No that's not the right-There is no right answer! It's supposed to be a hard choice!

Jaune: Well... it wasn't. I don't know what to tell you.

Adam: Well, you just killed 100,000 people. Congratulations.

Jaune: No I didn't.

Adam: Yes you did! You picked option 1!

Jaune: Yeah, I did, but I didn't push a button. All I did was answer questions while handcuffed and trapped in a room. If this was real, you would be the perpetrator.

Adam: IT IS RE- *Takes a second to breath and relax*

Adam: On your table, there are 2 cups. One is poison, the other-

Jaune: *Immediately grabs a glass and drinks it*

Adam: Okay you can just go. I unlocked the door. Leave.

Jaune: What? I lost?

Adam: GET OUT!

Jaune: I drank the fake poison?

Adam: AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH

Yang: Did you have sex in our dorm?

Blake: ...

Weiss: Ugh, seriously? Where?

Blake: ...

Weiss: Where?

Blake: ...

Weiss: ... W-Where Blake?

Blake: ... Seems like you already know where.

Weiss: *Covers her mouth in disbelief*

Arc Sister's: Now, which of us will be the object of your attraction?

Whitley: Hmm... Wow, what great options. This is going to be so hard. 🙄

Jaune: *Walks in* Oh sisters, I'm back from war.

Whitley: Hello sailor!~ 😍

Jaune: I'm the Hunts-Man, you lunatic. Anyway, you guys got any 'shrooms?

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Bystander: Are you... An angel!?

Jaune: Yeah, sure, whatever... You got any ketamine?

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Jaune: I know you're here, Roman, you big fucking nerd. Where's my goddamn money?

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Grunt #1: Be careful, man. I hear Hunts-Man attacks with all sorts of random bullshit.

Grunt #2: Please. I got him dead to rights. Now to-

Jaune: *Throws something* Random bullshit GO!!!

Grunt #1: Damn you Hunts-Man!

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Jaune: I am the god of light. Hand over your wallet and your ketamine or Remnant is doomed.

Marrow: Fuck off, Hunts-Man. I'm not falling for that one again.

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Jaune: ... Why do I hear Eminem all of a sudden?

Hound: *Looming over him*

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Clover: Someone's hacking the system, but who? Hunts-Man!

Jaune: Where's my goddamn money!?

Harriet: No-one here owes you money, you drunk, crazy asshole. Roman isn't even on the Ace-Ops, so stop calling here.

Jaune: Wait... Roman isn't an Ace-Op?

Jaune: That lying fuck.

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Jaune: You know who I really want to fight? Junior.

Elm: Wait, the asparagus from VeggieTales? Or the crime lord?

Jaune: ... Yes.

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Jaune: Honestly? At this point, I don't even remember why Roman owes me money. But a guy's got to live by a code, you know?

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Vine: It's over, Hunts-Man! I have the high ground!

Jaune: Impossible. Do you even know how many drugs I'm on right now?

Vine: That's not what I-

Jaune: Less talk, more VENGEANCE!!

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Nora: Dammit, Jauney, let someone else have a turn for once!

Jaune: No! Ren is my homie... Only I get to give him a goodnight kiss!

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Jaune: Using my Marine Corps training, I can turn ANYTHING into a weapon! Even this rifle!

Watts: Uh, isn't a rifle already a weapon?

Jaune: *Snaps rifle in half and smacks him across the face* Semper Fi, bitch!

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Jaune: God of Darkness, you fucking nerd! Where's my... Uhhh what are you doing?

G.o.D: Don't let her get me. I didn't mean to look at those lewd hieroglyphics! Forget if gods can bleed. Can a god simp?!

Jaune: What the fuck are you talki-

G.o.D: *Grabs him* I was horny, Jaune Arc. And now, Salem is going to quantum bonk me!

Jaune: Who is going to what now??

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Roman: *Half dead inside of grimm* What? It's impossible. It can't be... A way out! And... the Hunts-Man!?

Jaune: That's right, bitch! Now where's my goddamn money? Don't make me come down there and waterboard you, shitheel.

Jaune: Happy Birthday Ruby! *Hands her his present*

Ruby: Aw, thank you Jaune! *Opens gift*

Ruby: *Gasps as she pulls out a black and red dog collar* You shouldn't have!

_WBYJNPR: 😄

Ruby: *Clasps it around her neck and looks in a mirror* I love it! It's a bit tight, but I'm not picky. If you wanted to mix things up Jaune, all you to do was as-

*Bark*

Ruby: Huh? *Looks down to see her dog Zwei, quickly realizing her mistake*

Jaune: 😳

_WBY_NPR: *At a lost for words*

Ruby: Uh...