111 posts
Rodanhoax - RodanHoax - Tumblr Blog
Yang: Did you have sex in our dorm?
Blake: ...
Weiss: Ugh, seriously? Where?
Blake: ...
Weiss: Where?
Blake: ...
Weiss: ... W-Where Blake?
Blake: ... Seems like you already know where.
Weiss: *Covers her mouth in disbelief*
Hm... What about a double lancaster? Jaune x (female)Ruby and (male)Ruby
(wanted to try an outlandish one and came up with this)
Are these twins Rubes? Is one Ruby from a parallel world?
Might as well do the inverse, right?
A whole mess of'em
Ruby: *Hand smacks nothing but air*
Ruby: Wha? B-But how? *Feels an intense presence behind her*
Jaune: Oh, sweet, naïve Ruby...
Jaune: *Raises an aura enhanced hand* Dat ass compels me with power beyond your comprehension.
Ruby: *Walking down a path* Ooh, look at those pretty flowers. *bends over to pick them*
Jaune: ...
Ruby: *Wearing a skirt that's a bit too small, giving Jaune a great view of the Rubooty.*
Jaune: *thinking* Must not slap Ruby's butt.
Ruby: *sways a bit from side to side, giving her butt a nice little jiggle*
Jaune: Please forgive me Ruby. *Raises hand* Becaus I know Yang won't.
SMACK!!!
Jaune: Ruby, it's alright. Your... assets simply lie elsewhere.
Ruby: Oh yeah? Where?! *Hits table in frustration, causing a plate of cookies to fall over*
Ruby: Ah nuts! *Quickly turns and bends over to pick them up*
Jaune: 😳
*Thump!*
Yang: Hm? Did you just bump the table with your leg?
Jaune: You could say that, yes.
The Bigger Win
Yang: Ha! I win~!
Ruby: Grrrr! So what I have small boobs! Jaune doesn’t like me because I have a big boobs; He likes me for my adorable personality~!
Yang: True, but I can get him hard in a minute without touching him with these girls. Can you do that?
Ruby: …
Ruby: Jaune, that’s not true is it?!
Jaune: Let’s just say I’m sitting down, behind this table for a reason. Okay?
Yang: Ha, that’s one for me~!
Ruby: Ahh nuts…
Arc Sister's: Now, which of us will be the object of your attraction?
Whitley: Hmm... Wow, what great options. This is going to be so hard. 🙄
Jaune: *Walks in* Oh sisters, I'm back from war.
Whitley: Hello sailor!~ 😍
Yang: *Chatting with Weiss*
Ruby: *Runs into room* Yang! Yang! You've got to see this funny faunus trait Jaune has!
Yang: *Shoo's her away* Now now Ruby, the adults are having a conversation.
Ruby: Suit yourself. *Shrugs and runs off*
Yang: So like I was saying...
Ruby: *From other room* Red rocket! Red rocket Jaune!
Yang: *Sudden realization before immediately leaving* Ruby no!
Weiss: ...
Weiss: Am I not allowed to have a relatively normal day?
Jaune: *Leaving Yangs House* Alright, see you later, Alligator.
Yang: *Chuckles* After a while, Crocadile.
Jaune: *Also chuckles* Okie-dokie Artachokie.
Yang: *Keeps chuckling* Alright, time to go, Buffalo.
Jaune: *Chuckles harder* I'm out the door, Dinosaur.
Yang: Hang loose, Mongoose.
Jaune: ...
Yang: You know what I mean, Jelly-bean?
Jaune: ...
Yang: *Smirks and turns to walk away*
Jaune: Take care... Teddy-bear.
Yang: *Glares* Bye bye, Butterfly.
Jaune: Too-da-loo, Kangaroo.
Yang: Hit the road, Jaune.
Jaune: Oh, that one doesn't rhyme!
Yang: No, Jaune. I'm telling you to get out of my house.
Jaune: Oh, okay.
Ruby: Ok, I get me and Jaune may be more close than regular friends normally are-
Blake: Understatement of the decade.
Ruby: But! I don't see why everyone thinks we're together! We are simply a boy and a girl who platonically enjoy being around the other.
Blake: Ruby, I literally caught you getting railed by, and riding, Jaune around the academy 5 times in less than 2 days.
It's almost time for Zack and Cody's reservation at the Italian restaurant
Nurse: Please excuse the doctor. He was given a rather sudden call. He should be with you in just a bit to proceed with the surgery. *Leaves*
Jaune: Great... Good to hear...
Tai: In that case, I should head on out then to give ya at least some dignity before they take it away from ya. Good luck kid! *Leaves*
Jaune: *Whimpers*
Doctor: *Walks in behind him* Well then, Mr. Arc, 'bout time we get to those balls, yeah?
Jaune: *Ignores their strangely fake sounding deep voice* Listen, doc, is there any way we could maybe... not do this?
Doctor: Hm, I'm not sure. Da-Mr. Xio Long has paid quite a bit, and cashed in a few favors, to ensure this surgery happens.
Jaune: *Sighs in defeat* I guess it's inevitable then...
Doctor: ... Although, perhaps instead of snipping off those (stuffed) balls of yours, we could go a different route.
Jaune: *Face brightens slightly* Oh, yeah? You mean like a vasectomy or-
Doctor: Not quite. *Locks the door* I was thinking of something a bit more... fun~
Jaune: Uh... doc? *Watches the back of the doctor nervously as they walk past him to grab some gloves*
Doctor: Rather than removing them, I'd say it's better to drain them completely. *Snaps gloves onto her hands* Til you've got nothing left.
Jaune: *Gulps nervously* D-Doctor... You're starting to s-scare me.
Doctor: Oh Jaune... There's nothing here for you to be afraid of. Afterall... *Turns around*
Jaune: *Eyes widen in fear as he starts wildly thrashing against his restraints, but they refuse to give*
Ruby: *Wearing nothing besides a doctors coat, licks her lips as she looked at him with barely held back lust* You can trust me. I'm a doctor~
(Outside the room)
Tai: *Whistling as he reads a magazine*
Jaune: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Tai: Damn, almost feel sorry for the lanky bastard.
Tai: Almost.
Tai Finally Getting Jaune Fixed.
Intercom: *ping* Mr. Xiao Long the Doctor is here to see you and your Jaune for surgery.
Tai: *Rolling Jaune inside the doctor office*
Well look at it this way kid. Think of these as me preemptively saving you from paying all those future child supports from you banging half the woman in remnant (especially my Ruby) and no doubt impregnating them in your first go.
Jaune:
Somewhere Outside
Ruby: *sniff, sniff* Where are you Jaune? I can smell you! I CAN SMELL YOU! SO WHERE ARE YOU!?
I'll find you Jaune. And when I do I will ruin NNN for you! Mua, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!
Oh no I hope someone would come & save Jaune:
You can add more if you want it too...
Jaune: Happy Birthday Ruby! *Hands her his present*
Ruby: Aw, thank you Jaune! *Opens gift*
Ruby: *Gasps as she pulls out a black and red dog collar* You shouldn't have!
_WBYJNPR: 😄
Ruby: *Clasps it around her neck and looks in a mirror* I love it! It's a bit tight, but I'm not picky. If you wanted to mix things up Jaune, all you to do was as-
*Bark*
Ruby: Huh? *Looks down to see her dog Zwei, quickly realizing her mistake*
Jaune: 😳
_WBY_NPR: *At a lost for words*
Ruby: Uh...
Roman: Turn around and give me all your money!
Tai: *Put hands up and turns* Ok ok! Please don't shoot.
Roman: Wait... Tai?
Tai: Roman?
Roman: Holy crap!
Tai: Long time no see, man! It's been awhile!
Roman: Yeah, it has. Oh, get down on your knees real quick.
Tai: *Kneels down* Oh right.
Roman: How've you been man?
Tai: Just got back to Vale last week. How about you?
Roman: Oh, I've been great. But hey, you still dating that girl Raven?
Tai: Nah, me and her broke up a while back. But, remember my leader Summer?
Roman: Yeah, I think I remember her.
Tai: *Smiles and reveals wedding ring*
Roman: *Gasps in shock before taking the ring* Wow...
Tai: It's our anniversary today.
Roman: *Pockets ring* Congratulations man.
Tai: Yeah, it's been 3 years already.
Roman: *Looking through Tai's wallet* Yeah, cute kids too.
Tai: Thanks man.
Roman: Alright, well I'm about whack you with my cane, but it was nice seeing you again.
Tai: Yeah, you too.
Roman: *Raises cane* Alright, take care.
Ironwood: Freeze! Put the cane down and put your hands up!
Tai: ... James?
Ironwood: Tai?
Roman: James?
Ironwood: Roman?!
Roman: Oh my god!
Ironwood: I can't believe it!
Tai: The gangs all here!
Jaune: *Wakes up at a table, handcuffed*
???: *Out of speaker in front of Jaune* Hello Jaune.
Jaune: W-Why am I in handcuffs?!
???: You've been randomly accepted to be part of, sort of... a game show.
Jaune: ... A game show?
???: Yes. You could call it a game show.
Jaune: Lets gooo! I love game shows, lets get it! I'm ready!
???: ... We appreciate your enthusiasm. We'll see how long that lasts. Lets go over the #1 rule. The rule is: If you die... you lose.
Jaune: Ahh, okay. So just life then.
???: What?
Jaune: That's literally just life, right? Like, you wanna NOT die?
???: Okay, but the difference is... we're trying to kill you.
Jaune: Ahh, got it.
???: Good. For your first tas-
Jaune: So basically, it's just like how 90% of nature is towards humans.
???: Shut the fuck up! Or we'll just go in there and shoot you.
Jaune: Shutting the fuck up.
???: For your first task, you will answer a set of questions.
Jaune: Oh imma dog at trivia, hit me.
???: Question - What word becomes shorter when you add two letters?
Jaune: Short.
???: Quick, but wrong. For your punishment y-... Wait, what was your answer?
Jaune: The word's short. It becomes shorter when you add 'E' 'R' to it, that's two letters. It's short.
???: ... Very good. I'm used to people getting that wrong. But that's an easy one.
Jaune: Wait, do I get points, or money, each correct answer?
???: You get to NOT DIE.
Jaune: Oh right, the theme. This is so crazy!
???: Next question - 4 cars stop at a 4 way intersection, all at the same time, and all coming from different directions. They can't decide who got there first, so they all go at once at the same speed, but no one ran into each other. How?
Jaune: Hm, they all made right turns.
(In a separate room)
Adam: Does he have his scroll under the table or something?!
Ilia: I took his scroll.
Adam: Okay but, where are you getting these questions?
Ilia: We made them!
Adam: Right!? Like, these aren't just known questions! (To Jaune) How many fingers am I holding up?! *Holds up 2 fingers*
Jaune: Two.
Adam: *Holds up 5 fingers*
Jaune: No five! It's five.
Adam: *Slams fist against table in frustration*
Adam: I got 2 buttons in front of me. Button #1 kills 100,000 people, at random. Button #2 kills the 2 most important people to you, in your life specifically! Which button do I press? You have 30 seconds.
Jaune: Ohh, that's a hard one-Button 1, press it.
Adam: Button #1? The 100,000 people one?
Jaune: Yup, hit it!
Adam: You didn't even think about it, think about it first! Are you crazy!
Jaune: I thought about it.
Adam: You're gonna kill 100,000 people, instead of just 2?
Jaune: Is that... not the right answer?
Adam: No that's not the right-There is no right answer! It's supposed to be a hard choice!
Jaune: Well... it wasn't. I don't know what to tell you.
Adam: Well, you just killed 100,000 people. Congratulations.
Jaune: No I didn't.
Adam: Yes you did! You picked option 1!
Jaune: Yeah, I did, but I didn't push a button. All I did was answer questions while handcuffed and trapped in a room. If this was real, you would be the perpetrator.
Adam: IT IS RE- *Takes a second to breath and relax*
Adam: On your table, there are 2 cups. One is poison, the other-
Jaune: *Immediately grabs a glass and drinks it*
Adam: Okay you can just go. I unlocked the door. Leave.
Jaune: What? I lost?
Adam: GET OUT!
Jaune: I drank the fake poison?
Adam: AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH
Jaune: *Slightly out of breath* Wow... You were incredible...
Neo: *Kneeling in front of Jaune, smiling seductively at him as she wipes her mouth*
Jaune: W-Well, here's your 50 lien.
Neo: *Takes the money, before handing Jaune a piece of paper*
Jaune: What's this?
Neo: *Pulls up sign* "Forged Transcripts for 50 Lien!"
Jaune: But I was only paying for the blow-
Neo: *Flips sign* "That Was Free!"
traditional art for a change!
ren and nora showing their leader some love(they've missed him so much)
Yang: Hey Jaune? This bra isn't mine... What's going on?
Jaune: ...
Past!Jaune:
Jaune: ... I'm cheating on you
Neptune: Come on! They have one female servicing a large group of males. That implies a species that lays eggs!
Sun: Oh my god, you're crazy! They are so obviously mammals!
Neptune: Oh please, she'd be in estrus 24/7 if she didn't lay eggs!
Sun: Smurfs don't lay eggs! I won't tell you this again! Papa Smurf has a fucking beard! THEY'RE MAMMALS!!!
Employee: *Holds up a tray of dino nuggets* Free sample?
Jaune: *Takes one* Mmm, delicious! I will seriously consider purchasing these. *Leaves*
Employee: 😊
Jaune: *Walks up, now wearing an unzipped white jacket with a faunus tail* Ooo, what do we got here? Don't mind if I do. *Takes one before leaving*
Employee: 🤨
Jaune: *Now has a tattoo on his arm with some stubble on his face* Oh? Dino nuggies? I'll need to buy a ton of these for my girls.
Employee: Sir, you don't need to keep going to the back of the line. You can have as much as you want, they're free.
Taiyang: What are you talking about?
Sun: Hey, can I have another dino nuggie?
Jaune: Yeah, me too?
Why does Ochaco like Bakugo?
Like actually. Why does she treat Bakugo friendly? Why does she say she thinks he’s cool? Why does she use the insult he gave her best friend, the name she was expressly told was an insult, as a nickname for said friend? Why does she have nothing negative to say to the guy who demeans, insults, and assaults her best friend on a constant basis?
Why do fans see this and immediately want her to cuck Izuku for Bakugo while he watches?
Questions like this make me slowly regret checking out the show and giving it a chance when I did more and more with each day. As well as a large assortment of other things that would take me hours to even get through half.
The Writer's Ruby's Barely Disguised Fetish.
Ruby: Take that and that!
Jaune: Too slow Rubes.
Ruby: Hey that's cheating!
Jaune: No it's not you just need to git gud, that's all.
Ruby: Well two can play that game, vomit boy. *stands up and block Jaune's view with her butt*
Jaune: Hey what gives Ruby? You're blocking my view!
Ruby: How do you like 'em apple or in this case peaches. What's the matter can't take your eyes of them? *playfully taunting her rear end in front of Jaune*
Jaune: Darn it Rubes, if you don't get your butt from out of my face right now! I swear, I will slap it so hard you won't be able to sit on it for the entire day.
Ruby: Ooh, that sounds like a threat. Go ahead vomit boy do your worst. I bet you don't have the guts for it.
Jaune: Don't say I didn't warn you. *proceeds to lightly slap Ruby's rear end*
Ruby: ....!
As the shock from the slap travels from her shapely behind throughout her entire body. Ruby finds herself suddenly frozen in place, seemingly unable to process what just happened. So much so in fact that she didn't realize that Jaune then used the opportunity to take advantages of the situation to win against her in the game.
Jaune: Hah. I won! How do you like it Ruby?
Ruby: ....
Jaune: What, cat got your tongue? Well I hope this serves as a lesson to you Ruby that Cheetah never prosper. Ha, ha. Oh I'm being such a Yang right now.
Ruby: ....
Jaune: Okay Ruby enough with the silence treatment. I know you're upset but don't be such a drama queen about it.
Ruby: ....
Jaune: Hey, Ruby are you okay. Say something? *touches her*
Ruby: *snap back to reality* w-wh-what just happened?
Jaune: You just froze there for a while. I don't think I hit you that hard did I?
Ruby: (more like not hard enough 😏.)
Jaune: I'm sorry Ruby I didn't hear it but did you said something?
Ruby: W-what no! I didn't say anything... And Jaune if you don't mind me asking, do you want to play another game with me.
Jaune: Oh Rubes you don't have to ask me that. Of course I'll play with you everytime you want. Just don't do that again or I will slap you even harder.
Ruby: You will!!! Uh *cough* ah-hem. I mean do you want to play with me right now?
Jaune: Oh... Sorry. But not right now Ruby. *Yawn* I gotta go to sleep how about we do it next week okay?
Ruby: Next week?....
Jaune: Yeah school starts tomorrow. *hugs Ruby* okay see ya. *walks out*
Ruby:
The next day.
Ruby: Jaune can you come to my room, please?
Jaune: But I thought we're not playing today?
Ruby: Please just come to my room Jaune. I-I need your help. I-I think I might be sick.
Jaune: Just stay where you are. I'll be right there Ruby. *runs as fast as he can to help Ruby*
Ruby's Room
Jaune: *burst into the room* Ruby are you hurt!?
When he burst into the room. He expected that Ruby is in some kind of trouble. But what he saw is something even more shocking. He sees her in a seductive nightwear while pointing her behind at him.
Ruby:
Jaune please, tie me up and spank me. I've been on edge since yesterday and I haven't been able to relieve myself all day. I can't wait all week Jaune. I need you now!!!
Jaune:
Dear Lord above give me strength to resist the temptation from this succubus because she will be the death of me...
If I somehow reached 300 subs I promise I will write 10k words smut.
Whitley: So here’s what I’m thinking. I speak a little Portuguese from that time I opened a school in the favelas of Mistral-
Weiss: Ugh, barf.
Whitley: What?
Weiss: I said barf. I can’t deal with your bragging anymore.
Whitley: How is that bragging? I said I speak a little Portuguese, when I’m actually fluent, orbrigado.
Weiss: Oh shut up!
Whitley: I get it, you’re jealous. I’d be jealous, too, if someone was better than me at everything they’re whole life.
Jaune: Oh no.
Weiss: *Scoffs* Not everything! I have more allergies than you!
Jaune: Not the best brag...
Whitley: I have so many allergies, I just found out I’m allergic to chia seeds!
Jaune: But apparently effective.
Weiss: I’m allergic to chia and acai berries!
Whitley: Yeah? My throat gets scratchy when I eat stone fruit!
Scarlet: I got a latte order for Jaune?
Jaune: That's me. Thank you.
Scarlet: Wait... Jaune, is that you?!
Jaune: Excuse me?
Scarlet: Remember me?
Scarlet: Spanish class?
Jaune: I-I'm sorry...
Scarlet: C'mon. Shade Academy, we sat right next to each other.
Jaune: I'm still drawing a blank here.
Scarlet: We even played Lacrosse together.
Jaune: I know nothing about Lacrosse.
Scarlet: We were great buddies!
Jaune: Look, I'm sorry. I'm running kinda late here.
Scarlet: You were like the most popular kid in school.
Jaune: I... I was?
Scarlet: Yeah, you were class president! Everyone loved you. All the girls had a secret crush on you.
Jaune: T-they did?
Scarlet: Yeah, so did I.
Jaune: ... What?
Scarlet: When I finally came out to everyone, you were the only one that supported me. You gave me the courage to finally open up to my parents and allow them to love me for who I really am.
Scarlet: And you didn't just help me, you've done great things for all of Vacuo. You redirected the lives of troubled kids by showing them that gang violence isn't the way.
Jaune: I... I did?
Scarlet: You were an inspiration to us all.
Jaune: *Scratches head in disbelief*
Scarlet: It's probably hard for you to remember. Doctors weren't sure if you'd ever get your memory back from that incident.
Jaune: Wait... What incident?
Scarlet: When you saved those orphans from a burning church, a chunk of debris fell on your head. You were in a coma for 9 months.
Jaune: I-I was?
Scarlet: It was the bravest thing I ever saw.
Jaune: O-oh, well... Thank you.
Scarlet: *Places hand upon Jaune cheek* I understand you can't remember right now... But I'll never forget the last words you said to me before you ran into that building.
Jaune: What did I say?
Scarlet: You said "Puedo perder mi vida, pero la esperanza…"
(Translation: I may lose my life, but hope...)
Scarlet + Jaune: "La esperanza es lo último que perderé."
(Translation: Hope is the last thing I'll lose)
Jaune: Y'know... I-I think I'm starting to remember now!
Scarlet: Well, it's good to have you back, Jaune.
Jaune: Well, it's good to be back.
Scarlet: *Hands him his latte, but stops as he see's the name written on it* Wait... It's Jaune with an AU?
Jaune: Yeah?
Scarlet: Oh, I think I mistaken you for someone else. My bad. Here's your latte, have a nice day. *Gives him his drink before immediately going back to work*
Jaune: B-but wait-
Scarlet: I got an order for Flynt?
Scarlet: Flynt? I-Is that you?!
Flynt: Do I know you?
Scarlet: You saved my wife from a grizzly bear attack!
Jaune: I'm the Hunts-Man, you lunatic. Anyway, you guys got any 'shrooms?
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Bystander: Are you... An angel!?
Jaune: Yeah, sure, whatever... You got any ketamine?
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Jaune: I know you're here, Roman, you big fucking nerd. Where's my goddamn money?
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Grunt #1: Be careful, man. I hear Hunts-Man attacks with all sorts of random bullshit.
Grunt #2: Please. I got him dead to rights. Now to-
Jaune: *Throws something* Random bullshit GO!!!
Grunt #1: Damn you Hunts-Man!
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Jaune: I am the god of light. Hand over your wallet and your ketamine or Remnant is doomed.
Marrow: Fuck off, Hunts-Man. I'm not falling for that one again.
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Jaune: ... Why do I hear Eminem all of a sudden?
Hound: *Looming over him*
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Clover: Someone's hacking the system, but who? Hunts-Man!
Jaune: Where's my goddamn money!?
Harriet: No-one here owes you money, you drunk, crazy asshole. Roman isn't even on the Ace-Ops, so stop calling here.
Jaune: Wait... Roman isn't an Ace-Op?
Jaune: That lying fuck.
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Jaune: You know who I really want to fight? Junior.
Elm: Wait, the asparagus from VeggieTales? Or the crime lord?
Jaune: ... Yes.
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Jaune: Honestly? At this point, I don't even remember why Roman owes me money. But a guy's got to live by a code, you know?
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Vine: It's over, Hunts-Man! I have the high ground!
Jaune: Impossible. Do you even know how many drugs I'm on right now?
Vine: That's not what I-
Jaune: Less talk, more VENGEANCE!!
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Nora: Dammit, Jauney, let someone else have a turn for once!
Jaune: No! Ren is my homie... Only I get to give him a goodnight kiss!
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Jaune: Using my Marine Corps training, I can turn ANYTHING into a weapon! Even this rifle!
Watts: Uh, isn't a rifle already a weapon?
Jaune: *Snaps rifle in half and smacks him across the face* Semper Fi, bitch!
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Jaune: God of Darkness, you fucking nerd! Where's my... Uhhh what are you doing?
G.o.D: Don't let her get me. I didn't mean to look at those lewd hieroglyphics! Forget if gods can bleed. Can a god simp?!
Jaune: What the fuck are you talki-
G.o.D: *Grabs him* I was horny, Jaune Arc. And now, Salem is going to quantum bonk me!
Jaune: Who is going to what now??
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Roman: *Half dead inside of grimm* What? It's impossible. It can't be... A way out! And... the Hunts-Man!?
Jaune: That's right, bitch! Now where's my goddamn money? Don't make me come down there and waterboard you, shitheel.