Rwby Shitpost - Tumblr Posts
*Hazel attacks Blake*
Jaune: HOLD IT!!! *Attacks Hazel before the attack lands* You’re to big to be touching my girlfriend! *Strikes a pose* Stick to touching trees instead!
A True Hero
Blake, covered in injuries and bleeding: "This is it, I'm done for, I can hardly move..."
Jaune: "HIYA!" *slaps her ass*
Blake: "AH-" *feels a wave of healing and her wounds close up* "What the-"
Jaune, dressed in his Hunts Man costume: "No need to thank me."
Jaune: So... what are some of your strengths?
Winter: I fall in love easily.
Jaune: Okay... what are some of your weaknesses?
Winter: Those blue eyes of yours~.
Jaune: ...But you have blue eyes too, and they're really a lot prettier than mine.
Jaune: You're a carpenter's dream Weiss! Flat as a board and in need of a screw!
Weiss: At least I have more Brains than a 2-by-4 Unlike you!
Jaune: Those are some big words from someone who's shorter than a girl two years younger than her when she's in heels.
Weiss: I can make use of my height you, you unwieldy buffoon!
Jaune: I've got control!
Weiss: Prove it!
Jaune: *Kabedons Weiss* I'll prove it by letting go of that Control.
Weiss: *Defiant Staring* Then. Do. It.
We should make a new ao3 tag for Jaune:
#Let Jaune do crime
Toxic Jaune haters be luke😆
Ruby is at a restaurant with her team when she gets a phone call from Jaune and puts him on speaker.
Ruby: Hello?
Jaune: *Scared* I’m dead! I think I’m dead! Ooooh, time’s going by really really slow and my heart’s beating backwards!
Ruby: *Concerned* What makes you think your heart’s beating backwards?
Jaune: Well normally it goes good”Goop Boop”
and now it’s going “Boop Goop”!
Ruby: Anything else?
Jaune: Aaaaah! Aaaaaah! I can see sounds! I can hear colors! I forgot how to shit!
Ruby: Jaune, have you taken any illegal substances?
Jaune: No! I just ate a brownie that a drug addict gave me, but that ain’t got nothing to do with my emergency!
Ruby: *Exasperated* And what’s your emergency, Jaune?
Jaune: I measured my buttcrack 3 times and it was longer each time! I’m splitting into 2 people! Ooooooh! There’s like 17 more brownies on that plate. Imma finish em off and call you back! *Hangs up*
Yang: What the fuck!?
Ruby: Girls only want one thing, and it starts with a P and ends with an S. You know what that one thing is?
Jaune: ...Ummm.
Ruby: It's "Please hug me because I've got all the depressions."
I like the idea that Armin gets isekai’d somewhere random on Remnant and the Arcs, who are nowhere near him, just suddenly go, “New son/brother?”
If Armin got isekai'd into Remnant, he'd be adopted by the Arcs. Not even from an orphanage. He'd just show up and the Arcs would just act like he was always apart of the family, before having him share a room with Jaune, and photoshopping him into all their family photos.
"What do you mean? We've always had two sons. That's Jaunes twin, Armin!"
true true
tw // racism, sexism, nsfw mention
So, does the world of RWBY have a similar history of humans portraying faunus in plays and movies that the real world does with white actors portraying other races? Were there ever human-faunus miscegenation laws about faunus not being allowed to touch or have relations with humans because they're too "dirty" or "animalistic/uncivilized", leading to scenarios where, if a faunus character has to interact with a human character in a movie, they get played by a human actor wearing like, a cat ear headband, but if the character only interacts with other faunus, they'll get cast as a faunus, like in Birth of a Nation? In Remnant, are cat tail butt plugs fetishistic cultural appropriation? Do they have a complicated and ugly history that contributes to the sexual harassment of the faunus?
After players data mined Blazblue Cross Tag Battle, they discovered announcer files for multiple characters, one of which being Adam.
While the validity of these characters actually being planned is questionable due to the sheer amount, I think Adam would’ve been very cool to see. But mostly I think it would’ve been funny if the only way we would’ve gotten an interaction between Weiss and Adam would be through a spin-off game
I think instead of Emerald they should’ve redeemed Mercury so he could’ve been Yaoi with Jaune tbh send post ^_^
Is this Crimsun?
Weiss Schnee is pregnant.
"Father!" Weiss said as she placed her tea cup on the table, and in her agitated state spilled a drop of the Earl onto the white tablecloth.
"Father," Weiss said again as she pushed her chair back, "I cannot, in good conscience, marry Master Marigold." Jacques Schnee placed his tea onto the table and spilled two drops across the table like blood on laced snow before he could muster the strength to say.
"And why ever can you not marry Master Marigold?!"
"Because I am carrying his child, Father!"
Beside Jacques Weiss's sister, Winter Schnee, allowed a silent ruby tear to escape her iron self-control down her porcelain cheek as Weiss demurely sat on General Ironwood's broad lap.
"General!" Jacques said, "what have you to say for yourself?!"
General Ironwood quietly wrapped his hand around Weiss's and said.
"Jacques, I will cherish your daughter as if I have known her for all of five minutes."
They are sisters.
Coco: DOKTOR! ARE YOU SURE THIS WILL WORK!?
Jaune: haha, I HAVE NO IDEA!
Nora: If I were a Bad Huntress, I wouldn't Be sittin' here, disscussin' it with ya, now would I!
~~~~~
Mercury: Grass Grows, Birds fly, and brother?
Mercury: I Hurt People!
~~~~~
Coco: I am Heavy Weapons user.
Coco: And this- (Expands Gianduja from the purse) - is my weapon.
~~~~~
Pietro: Hey look, buddy. I'm an engineer and Medical Doctor, that means I solve problems.
Pietro: Not problems like "What is beauty?", 'cause that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy.
Pietro: I solve practical problems!
Pietro: For instance, how am I gonna stop some big mean Mother-Hubbin Grimm from tearin' me a structurally superfluous new behind?
Pietro: The answer? Get a daughter. And if that don't work, Make 'er stronger.
Pietro: Like Penny Here. She's the first Synthetic capable of Using Aura, armed with a dozen Plasma-rail Cannon Swords, all designed by me.
Pietro: Given Soul by me.
Pietro: And you'd best hope ...
Pietro: Not Pointed at you.
~~~~~
May Z: Snipin's a good job M8.
May Z: It's Challengin' work, outta door, and I guarantee you won't go Hungry.
May Z: Cuz' at the end of the day, if there are two people left on the planet, Someone's gonna want someone Dead.
~~~~~
Ironwood: Iff Fighting is Sure to result in Victory, Then you must FIGHT!
Ironwood: Sun Tzu said that! And I think he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do pal!Because He invented it! Then He perfected it so that no living person could best him in the Ring of Honor!
~~~~~
Mercury: (Struggling with a door) HEY! A little help here!
Ironwood: Out of the way son! Uuuhhh One! One! One! uh! One!
Mercury: Let's go! Let's Go!
(ZZT!)
Coco: INCOMING!
(The trio Crashes through the Door)
Mercury: Hey! It's Still Here!
Emerald: Ahem! Gentlemen?
~~~~~
Coco: I fear no man ... But that thing ...it Scares me.
(A heeled silhouette Stalks down a hallway)
Mercury: No! I'm not talking about that Freak! (Struggles with Microphone) Sh- She's not here is she? How do I get this damn thing off!
(The Figure kicks open a door, light shining dangerously off her blade)
Emerald: One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind those eyes.
(She Grins, Cycling to Ice dust)
Emerald: What Dreams of Chronic and Sustained Cruelty?
Weiss: (Freezes anything and everything in her path, shattering whatever she can as she sings Mirror Mirror)
~~~~~
Jaune: And when the looked for the Sword, it was nowhere to be found!
Coco: (Bursts out laughing, Snorts)
Jaune: Anyway, That's how I lost my Hunting License!
~~~~~
Flynt, on his Trumpet: (DUN-DUN-DUN-DUN DUDUDUDUDU!)
Rwby Rants
Ruby, gushing about Wiess: My girlfriends Wiess-fucking-Schnee, she would freeze all of you with zero hesitation. She has tried to stab me many times! Her Semblance is out of this world!
Emerald and Blake about to let go of some suppressed rage:
Emerald: Yeah? Well, mine leaves for long periods of time, coming back with a bottle of issues, emotional manipulation and the autumn maidens power, and a chick with an umbrella!
Blake: Bitch, my girlfriend has anger issues, using her prosthetic as a weapon to make things go KABOOM!
Qrow: My boyfriends dead.