Is It Too Late To Get Myself Out Of My Thoughts?!

Is it too late to get myself out of my thoughts?!

sometimes people struggle, not with their enemies not with their friends nor do they suffer because of the strangers, they stuffer with their own thoughts, with their own self. It is then do they realise that the sufferings offered by someone which isn't you is much better than the struggle you cause to yourself!

Am I overreacting ?? The question that haunts me constantly to the point idk if my emotions are valid, and so i ended up bottling 'em up till I was named the "cold emotionless rock at heart girl' all for hiding the little girl and her emotions inside the deepest corners of my heart and mind so that I can fight the reality while keeping her safe. The only way out for the suppressed emotions was to write 'em all, pouring every little thing I felt, staining the papers not only with ink but with many forbidden thoughts and forgotten feelings.

One of such overflowing midnight thoughts :

OVERREACTING??

Why shall I just react when I can overreact?

when I feel the flooding sarrow that's weighing my heart till I can't stand myself, why shall I just say 'I'm sorry' for things i never did or why shall I forgive, instead of writing a 50 page essay about how messed up you are to make me sick at mind and throw it on your face?!

when there's a 1000 volcanoes erupting inside me burning my insides to ashes till there's nothing left to feel, why shall I just say shut up and leave as if nothing happened when i can shout till I make ur ears bleed and ur eyes tear with guilt for the horrors you made me live in ?!

When I felt like a broken glass with a million pieces shattered around too afraid to walk on but too weak to pick them, why shall I cry in a corner voicing down my tone to not get caught hiding my pain when I can shatter your non existent pride making you aware of the deeds that brought me terror for your great satisfaction?!

...

HOME?

I have no place to be..

I have no home to be..

It's always me who's wandering

Inside a home btw walls..

Wherever I stay..

I'm not standing still..

My legs rests..

My hands rests..

My body rests..

But my mind wanders..

Wondering where it belongs..

Where it can finally sit..

Stay still and relax for a bit..

Always in a hurry to find..

A place where it can be fine..

Always on alert..

Always in motion..

Never still..

Never at rest..

Wandering and wondering..

In search of a place..

While missing the places it has been..

Missing everything it's in..

Missing the present

looking for the future..

Missing everything it has

For something it never had..

Well it's not the mind's fault

To always feel left out..

To always feel like not being home..

And to always yearn for that home..

Where it can relax in peace..

Where it can finally find it's comfort..

Where it can finally be home..

Do such a place exists ??

Can my mind find it ??

Or there's no such place like home ??

No home ??

No peace ??

Will this quest ever cease ??

Quotes :

Living Mosaics

Intelligence is sexy

Save me from my mind

Clockwork Angel

A day away

It's all lies darling

All is well

Diaries of Virginia Woolf

Isolation

Do it now

Pretending

I don't feel particularly proud of myself. But when I walk alone in the woods or lie in the meadows, all is well.

- Franz Kafka

One day you will wake up and there won't be any more time to do the things you've always wanted Do it now.

- Paulo Coelho