Dark And Moody - Tumblr Posts
Is it too late to get myself out of my thoughts?!
sometimes people struggle, not with their enemies not with their friends nor do they suffer because of the strangers, they stuffer with their own thoughts, with their own self. It is then do they realise that the sufferings offered by someone which isn't you is much better than the struggle you cause to yourself!
He has everything..
He has peace..
He has freedom..
He has loyal people..
He's loved..
But..
He wanted more..
In the circle of thriving for power and greed, he lost everything he once had..
From :
"what's a life without power?"
To:
"what's a life with power to control one's body when their mind and heart despises you the most?"
He realised the cost of his greed..
Everything he paid with, for the power that's so useless..
He realised he's the most powerless he's ever been with all the power he ever dreamt of..
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appears to look bright until you hear them speak.
- Alan Dundes
The Abandoned House ...
I always look at that one abandoned house in our backyard.. it's intact but also damaged in some parts.. it's filled with cobwebs and creepers.. a no-so-familiar tree that's half dried.. it's not a sight that everybody wants to see or does it piques anyone's interest.. It's been abandoned by humanity.. but for me.. it's a sight to see.. when it rains, when it's cloudy, when it's sunny with clear blue sky, the clay tiled roof, the door that's been hanging around the door frame for it's life, the tree that's half alive, the cobwebs, the creepers that are slowly conquering the house.. everything about it is so intriguing.. sometimes I look at it holding the grills of our iron gate that leads to the backyard.. I hold these grills as if I'm a prisoner awaiting my freedom.. I hold them while looking at the house and the tree that sways ever so slightly at the touch of wind.. longing in my eyes for a place that's long abandoned.. desperation on my face for a house I didn't even have anything to do with.. it's an unexplainable feeling.. I look at it at least once a day and if left alone I would stare at it for hours.. It's so picturesque.. the house, the clay tiled roof, the half dead tree, the clear blue sky or the dark clouds, a cute street dog that plays on the roofs, birds that chirp and fly across the vast clear blue sky above the house, everything about it is picturesque.. everything about it is a type of art.. everything about it is so intimidating and intriguing to my eyes and my soul..
People might find it funny or rather weird at how an abandoned house made me feel so deep.. maybe I'm not so emotionless after all.. maybe I'm sensitive and even more sentimental than the others but my emotions might be focused on things that are always abandoned.. maybe I can feel their emotions.. maybe I'm abandoned too.. maybe the hidden emotions and tales of those that are abandoned and left to rot are much deeper than those that are running along with time, living life, and rushing life.. maybe those hidden emotions are hard to read for those who's chasing along with life.. maybe I'm stuck in a invisible realm of nothingness where I spend time blankly looking at things that are always ignored, I look at them completely indulge and ignorant of the reality and the flow of time.. ignorant of everything but the dwelling feeling and intimacy that exerts from those beings or things that are abandoned.. quite, dark, abandoned.. These things always piques my interest.. maybe I'm weird after all.. or others are just normal.. too normal to the sight of this alluring and captivating aura..
If I'm weird then I'm happily weird.. cause what a life it is to chase along with time, I don't wanna rush my life, I want to stop in a moment, see it, feel it, and make it one with me.. be it an abandoned house or a creepy graveyard.. to be able to feel deeply for things that are always ignored, that are always said to be unimportant and wasteful or unsafe, to be able to feel them and feel for them.. it's a great feeling.. to feel something and think about something that the average humankind finds intimidating.. that feels like an adventure I do inside my mind and heart.. an adventure I do without taking a single step.. an adventure I do by staying still while my mind wanders around.. and I never regret being so weird.. if it is what weirdness is, to make your every moment adventurous, to see things others can't and feel things others can't.. if it is what weirdness is.. then I'm weird.. because I'm a abandoned house in my backyard.. lonely yet peaceful.. intimidating yet affectionate...
- 23 july, 2024
Invisible :
[warning: a sad rant.. mild mentions of death]
I guess I am so invisible to all the good things in life.. It's as if I'm only visible when I'm needed.. I have no other purpose.. I was never free.. I'm never free.. I have no significant value nor do I have it in me to gain the bare minimum.. a little respect.. I've never been seen or heard like I wish I was.. I was never a priority nor of any importance.. I just exist.. playing the side role in my own life.. that's how I was conditioned to feel.. that's how everybody thinks I should feel.. it's as if I was supposed to feel certain way cause that is what I deserve.. for what ??? Maybe for existing?? Maybe because I'm never supposed to be among them.. maybe because they never wanted me among them.. or maybe be, just maybe, they wanted me among them.. only so I can be of some use.. I can be used till the last drop of my blood serves their need.. when I'm all drawn out that's when I'm no longer needed and that is when I'm allowed to be free.. to leave life and find solace in death.. to feel the warm hug of the grim reaper who himself pitied my entire existence.. who came ever so fast as soon as he heard I'm his next passenger, so as to take me away from the hell I've been living in.. I yearned love and affection even in its most platonic states.. only to find that it's in his arms.. only to find that even this might not last as long as I wish it'll.. nothing ever dares even reach me to stay with me.. but if it does.. then it never stays with me as long as I wish it would.. I don't even know why.. I don't even know why I was born..
Endless
The dreams I have I am surrounded by the sea
Nothingness and isolation smothers my mind
Numb
Endless
Vast
A fragile lifeline crumbles beneath the fury of the heavy waves
Departure isn’t a recourse
So I remain
Left behind
Siren
Even in the abyss there lies beauty
Desire
Labeled lethal
Singing men out to the sea
Uncomfortable with their self-reflection on the waters surface.
They hunt down trepidation unsettled by their own depths
Only thirsting for more
Drowning
Fae
Nymph by the water
Hear the Buzzing in the trees
You were given Wings
To fly back to your daughters
//CHAOTIC THOUGHTS//
PHOTOGRAPHER: jego-alterego
𝕶𝖓𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝕮𝖔𝖗𝖊. ⚔️
