Midnight Thoughts - Tumblr Posts

Idk if I love or hate the fact that mostly everyone in the IY fandom thinks that Byakuya was clearly in love with Sesshomaru, but there are only a few shippers.

i may be nonbinary, but i am nothing if not a messy bitch

Is it just me or would Jungkook and Ten be really good friends? like I have this feeling that they would bond over tattoos, talk about their music dreams, maybe even work out?

Sometimes when you watched Levi playing gently with your kid and thought about how an hour ago he was fucking you senseless in the guest bedroom while your kid was napping in your bedroom. You had to bite into the spare sheets that smelt like moth balls while Levi fucked you from behind.

You tried your best to keep it down, and Levi had to stop every few seconds to listen if your kid had woken up. He flipped you around, pulled your milk stained t shirt up to reveal your breasts, and pounded you hard to watch your boobs shake. He grabbed one of your boobs and cummed so hard he spasmed and groaned involuntarily.

You were exhausted and high with pleasure after multiple orgasms you were breathing hard through your mouth. It was challenging to make baby #2 when you had a clingy child who followed either one of you like a baby duck.

It caught you by surprise when your kid suddenly asked you after your little adventure in the spare room, "why is mommy always washing the sheets in the evening?" You looked at Levi and your guilty and horified look was mirrored on his face.

"Mommy peed herself while she naps just now," Levi betrayed you.

Sometimes I wonder if we had seen Todd from Neil's perspective we would have known truly how much of a catalyst that boy was

Like Todd broke out of his father's abuse and emotional torment through Neils encouragement

Neil succumbed easier to his father's abuse because he threatened the two things that where his and his alone:

Acting & Todd Anderson

Anal??

I've never done it, but want to.

Everything I read about anal says that it requires a very thorough preparation before trying. I know that porn isn't realistic when it comes to it, or anything really, but there guys just slide in, without lube or something to ease the way.

Can someone who did it share any insightful and useful info how to go about it?

“How do you keep yourself sane in this world?”

- “I write.”

that feeling when you’re reading a really good book and on one hand you want to keep reading cause its so freaking good but on the other hand you dont want it to end

:(:

Honestly,

Do you ever just think of THE ONE.

How perfect it would be?!

How you’ll try to be perfect for that person. And you just jeep praying that if he shows up now, you’ll cry and give him everything!

You’ll make him so happy that he wouldn’t want to loose you?

How his proposal will send you to heaven? And you’ll probably have a sob fest that will probably not look good on tape but you don’t care.

How you’ll both try your hardest to compromise. And accept him just the way he is. And now that love is everything but also that love is a choice. And that you will choose to love him and he you, every single day.

You’ll raise such beautiful family, and love them unconditionally. How your kids will have the best life and they will not ask for anything because you’ll give them the world. They’ll have Christmas morning and movie nights. Cookies baked fresh from the oven.

Do you? Do you think about such things?

Because I do.

And how pathetic all this looks, because you’re 21 and still NEVER had a relationship. You’ve been single you’re whole life and you chide yourself for being such hopeless romantic.

-foreverblair

"People begin to notice you when you stop noticing yourself."

"If happiness were the currency, we would all be bankrupt"

Middle-class economics: rich on the 1st, poor by the 31st – a never-ending cycle of feast and famine!

Me and the Girls simping around the Ithacan royal family as they pass by our beach, (conjuring ways so they stay united and the Telegonh doesn't ocurr)

Aaron: odysseus

Titi: Telemachus

Mads: Penelope

I rest my case

Am I overreacting ?? The question that haunts me constantly to the point idk if my emotions are valid, and so i ended up bottling 'em up till I was named the "cold emotionless rock at heart girl' all for hiding the little girl and her emotions inside the deepest corners of my heart and mind so that I can fight the reality while keeping her safe. The only way out for the suppressed emotions was to write 'em all, pouring every little thing I felt, staining the papers not only with ink but with many forbidden thoughts and forgotten feelings.

One of such overflowing midnight thoughts :

OVERREACTING??

Why shall I just react when I can overreact?

when I feel the flooding sarrow that's weighing my heart till I can't stand myself, why shall I just say 'I'm sorry' for things i never did or why shall I forgive, instead of writing a 50 page essay about how messed up you are to make me sick at mind and throw it on your face?!

when there's a 1000 volcanoes erupting inside me burning my insides to ashes till there's nothing left to feel, why shall I just say shut up and leave as if nothing happened when i can shout till I make ur ears bleed and ur eyes tear with guilt for the horrors you made me live in ?!

When I felt like a broken glass with a million pieces shattered around too afraid to walk on but too weak to pick them, why shall I cry in a corner voicing down my tone to not get caught hiding my pain when I can shatter your non existent pride making you aware of the deeds that brought me terror for your great satisfaction?!

...

HOME?

I have no place to be..

I have no home to be..

It's always me who's wandering

Inside a home btw walls..

Wherever I stay..

I'm not standing still..

My legs rests..

My hands rests..

My body rests..

But my mind wanders..

Wondering where it belongs..

Where it can finally sit..

Stay still and relax for a bit..

Always in a hurry to find..

A place where it can be fine..

Always on alert..

Always in motion..

Never still..

Never at rest..

Wandering and wondering..

In search of a place..

While missing the places it has been..

Missing everything it's in..

Missing the present

looking for the future..

Missing everything it has

For something it never had..

Well it's not the mind's fault

To always feel left out..

To always feel like not being home..

And to always yearn for that home..

Where it can relax in peace..

Where it can finally find it's comfort..

Where it can finally be home..

Do such a place exists ??

Can my mind find it ??

Or there's no such place like home ??

No home ??

No peace ??

Will this quest ever cease ??

Introvert-friendly?

I mean I'm a socially awkward animal and I need care?! So.. be friendly (introvert-friendly!)

So I want to be in a community of any topic but like the "introvert-friendly" community (or groups or channel or whatever irdk!). No I don't mean like a community of introverts! I just want an introvert-friendly community if it makes sense..

Like an 'introvert' community is a community with introverts but an 'introvert-friendly' community (as I call it ..) is a community that is introvert-friendly.. lol.. ok so what I really mean is a community that's not too small to be less informative/useful but not too big to give anxiety.. I mean I really wanna join in groups that are about my favourite artists or idols or anything I like basically but then seeing the vast numbers of human beings that are formed into such a community makes me anxious.. I mean as much as I would love to be updated with my fav artist I don't want notifications flooding my phone and if the mute or off the notifications still when I open that certain app I would see tons of 'to-be read' texts which are the triggers points, the fear of missing out if I just scroll down and the fear of feeling left out is one thing but the fear to even see that many texts is terrifying (personally!). Which is why I wanna be in communities that are introvert-friendly. Cause I can just join in some communities where we only get updates (and anyone or I cannot text) to be updated but that'd mean no communication at all which is sometimes boring and most of the times discouraging if the reason I wanna join is to make friends or to be more communicative.

I don't know if I even make sense at all with this but this is something I've been feeling lately. I wanna know new people but larger groups make me anxious, more people and more communication makes me anxious, and still I want 'new' people in life T_T like I can go out and make friends but that'd make me anxious too, I mean my whole point is I'm an introvert so you can't expect me to do things in the casual and most usual way, cause what's causal for you is already a trigger point or an terrifying chore for me. Or maybe just maybe meeting new people in life than online is not only much more terrifying but also a lot boring .. ryt ?

He has everything..

He has peace..

He has freedom..

He has loyal people..

He's loved..

But..

He wanted more..

In the circle of thriving for power and greed, he lost everything he once had..

From :

"what's a life without power?"

To:

"what's a life with power to control one's body when their mind and heart despises you the most?"

He realised the cost of his greed..

Everything he paid with, for the power that's so useless..

He realised he's the most powerless he's ever been with all the power he ever dreamt of..

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appears to look bright until you hear them speak.

- Alan Dundes

The Abandoned House ...

I always look at that one abandoned house in our backyard.. it's intact but also damaged in some parts.. it's filled with cobwebs and creepers.. a no-so-familiar tree that's half dried.. it's not a sight that everybody wants to see or does it piques anyone's interest.. It's been abandoned by humanity.. but for me.. it's a sight to see.. when it rains, when it's cloudy, when it's sunny with clear blue sky, the clay tiled roof, the door that's been hanging around the door frame for it's life, the tree that's half alive, the cobwebs, the creepers that are slowly conquering the house.. everything about it is so intriguing.. sometimes I look at it holding the grills of our iron gate that leads to the backyard.. I hold these grills as if I'm a prisoner awaiting my freedom.. I hold them while looking at the house and the tree that sways ever so slightly at the touch of wind.. longing in my eyes for a place that's long abandoned.. desperation on my face for a house I didn't even have anything to do with.. it's an unexplainable feeling.. I look at it at least once a day and if left alone I would stare at it for hours.. It's so picturesque.. the house, the clay tiled roof, the half dead tree, the clear blue sky or the dark clouds, a cute street dog that plays on the roofs, birds that chirp and fly across the vast clear blue sky above the house, everything about it is picturesque.. everything about it is a type of art.. everything about it is so intimidating and intriguing to my eyes and my soul..

People might find it funny or rather weird at how an abandoned house made me feel so deep.. maybe I'm not so emotionless after all.. maybe I'm sensitive and even more sentimental than the others but my emotions might be focused on things that are always abandoned.. maybe I can feel their emotions.. maybe I'm abandoned too.. maybe the hidden emotions and tales of those that are abandoned and left to rot are much deeper than those that are running along with time, living life, and rushing life.. maybe those hidden emotions are hard to read for those who's chasing along with life.. maybe I'm stuck in a invisible realm of nothingness where I spend time blankly looking at things that are always ignored, I look at them completely indulge and ignorant of the reality and the flow of time.. ignorant of everything but the dwelling feeling and intimacy that exerts from those beings or things that are abandoned.. quite, dark, abandoned.. These things always piques my interest.. maybe I'm weird after all.. or others are just normal.. too normal to the sight of this alluring and captivating aura..

If I'm weird then I'm happily weird.. cause what a life it is to chase along with time, I don't wanna rush my life, I want to stop in a moment, see it, feel it, and make it one with me.. be it an abandoned house or a creepy graveyard.. to be able to feel deeply for things that are always ignored, that are always said to be unimportant and wasteful or unsafe, to be able to feel them and feel for them.. it's a great feeling.. to feel something and think about something that the average humankind finds intimidating.. that feels like an adventure I do inside my mind and heart.. an adventure I do without taking a single step.. an adventure I do by staying still while my mind wanders around.. and I never regret being so weird.. if it is what weirdness is, to make your every moment adventurous, to see things others can't and feel things others can't.. if it is what weirdness is.. then I'm weird.. because I'm a abandoned house in my backyard.. lonely yet peaceful.. intimidating yet affectionate...

- 23 july, 2024

Sometimes

Lonely nights and racing thoughts.. a midnight thought dump..

Sometimes i wonder why was I even born.. And sometimes I'm just happy cause I'm born.. Life can get hectic but it is my life after all.. I feel 'to live' is already a boon.. Bad days come and go.. Good days come and go.. At the end of the day it's my life.. Good or bad.. it's my day..

Sometimes i wish i was born as someone else.. Someone popular.. or beautiful.. or better.. or richer.. or intellectual.. or anyone but me.. But sometimes I just like to be myself.. I could be anything.. i could've been born as anyone else.. but I'm glad I'm just me.. I'm not perfect nor am flawless.. I'm just me.. and i feel it's attractive of me.. Being myself.. being me.. is attractive to me.. I mean if everyone is unique in their own sense.. Then I love my uniqueness.. the same thing that irks me sometimes.. and annoys me many times.. but makes me ME everytime..

Sometimes i wonder what a world would look like without me.. for everyone else it might be the same.. with or without me.. but to me it'd be so boring to even think of a world without me.. because I wasn't even there in it, a world without me, a world- wait! I'm my own world, my mind is my own universe, so a world is not even a world without me, how can I even think about a world without me.. for me a world without me.. Me-less.. is not even a world to begin with.. there's no world to me without me..

Sometimes i wonder if my life is even worth living.. and sometimes i wonder what did i even do in my past life to live this life.. the same life.. but different thoughts and different emotions.. it takes too much to make me hate my life.. and it takes just a single light bulb to lighten my mood and exude gratitude for having that same life.. loving my life is lot easier, while the chaos make me sick and hate my life, they also make me understand how luckier I am to have a life where the chaos never last forever.. it could've been a chaotic life but it is just a balance between chaos and peace.. I'm luckier to feel the chaos that makes the peace even better than it normally is.. I'm haply that I'm just alive..

- 16 sept, 2024.. 12:45am..