I Need A Fic About This, Just Imagine The Chaos.

I need a fic about this, just imagine the chaos.

batcat: I can call him babygirl

brutalia: I can divorce him

superbat: I can fix him

bruharvey: I can make him worse

ghostbat: I can make him so much worse lmao

Damian Al Ghul ~

& Alfred the cat

High-key my favourite thing ever.

Duke waking up on his first birthday in the family: uhm... what's this?

Bruce, sighing: that would be Talia’s gift

Duke, picking up a sword laces with poison: ....neat

AU where Talia’s obsession with Bruce is tilted a little to the left and when Bruce adopts Dick she’s like !!!!! My beloved you should have told me you wanted children what a wonderful eldest son we have I want custody over summer I will train him to as the best Assassin the world has ever seen I love him so much etc etc Bruce and Dick are obviously freaked out a little by this.. anyway her response to not getting summer custody is to make Damian in her fake womb and not give Bruce custody (or knowledge of his existence). She is equally enthusiastic about each new addition to the family and they all get increasingly strange holiday and birthday gifts from her. When Dick first moved to Bludhaven he came home one day to League style daggers and a ‘I’m so proud of you, love, mom’ note on his kitchen counter and poison in all his food. When she gets hold of zombie!Jason she’s like ‘finally I get custody time to bond with my sons’. Damian is still completely fucked up when he gets to Gotham but this time the murder attempts are because of the lack of birthday gifts.

"Oh, hey dude, how's it going?" "Good, good, you?" "Great, I'm good, I'm good" *leaves* "I have no idea who that man is"

"This is my father, my brother, my other brother, my sister, my newest brother, my other brother, and the leech"

"We are friendly acquaintances," "they are best friends"

Huh...

i think it should be common knowledge in the dc universe that red hood is casually friends with notable businesswoman talia head. they tweet one another

Might steal this👀👀👀

I see your 'The JLA find out about the army of vigilantes they didn't know about in Gotham' and I raise you everybody except Bruce joins a team outside Gotham and Batman remains a myth. They always mention their dad in passing but everyone assumed he was a civilian until they call him for back up and he arrives in a million dollar stealth jet and proceeds to beat up the villain of the week and lecture his kids on how they should have been able to handle this.