I Got A Coward In My Inbox Crying About How A Certain Post (link) Of Mine Sounds Like 'conversion Therapy'

I got a coward in my inbox crying about how a certain post (link) of mine sounds like 'conversion therapy' before supposedly blocking me, lol. at some point closemindedness and lack of reading comprehension ceases to be my problem, but as I have issues with how I worded things anyway I'm making this post.

when I said, 'give me more lesbians who date men, too' and 'give me gay men who also date women happily', I did not mean 'all lesbians and gay men should do this'. I know that some people would take it that way regardless of if I worded it better, but I was referring to mspec lesbians and gays being more out and proud with how they break the norms of what's expected of them as lesbians and gays. regardless of if you think these people are 'just bisexual', at the end of the day there are lesbians who date men and gay men who date women. again, this doesn't mean every single lesbian and gay does this or is obligated to do so, and I hate that my little post about inclusion and celebration of all queerness was taken as me trying to force queer people to do things they don't want to. I hate that I even feel the need to explain myself.

Alas, misconceptions are to be expected if your post is put on the radar of exclusionists. I could have worded it like 'allow the lesbians that want to date men to do so and let the gay men who want to date women do so, too' but I'm sure a problem would arise from that as well. It's saddening, as well as irritating, that there are people who go out of their way to misunderstand an inclusive post, but that's also why making these kinds of posts is important. It is important to stand in the face of exclusionary rhetoric and say 'we exist'. in a world that wants all queer people dead, it is important to uplift those who feel outcasted by our own community, and I don't care if I sound like a broken record here. I will never stop unapologetically being in the corners of m-spec lesbians and gays, lesboys and turigirls, and all of the other queer individuals that are pushed away for being too 'complicated', 'contradictory', and/or 'invalid'.

we exist, we will continue to exist, and we have always existed. we are as worthy of support and respect of our identities as anyone else. no identity is more worthy of scrutiny than another, and the true homophobia/queerphobia is pretending that there is a single 'invalid' queer person.

I love you lezboys. I love you lesbian boyfriends. I love you boydykes and dykefags and butchtwinks. I love you he/him lesbians. I love you butch/stud transbians. I love you femme transmascs. I love you trans women with beards. I love you trans people that don’t have dysphoria and don’t transition physically in any way. I love you lesbians on T. You are not a threat to my queerness. You are not ruining anything for anyone else. You ARE queerness. I love you.

i don't feel nearly as ashamed or hesitant to talk about my queer tgirl attraction to men as my tguy brothers would feel talking about their attraction to women

obligatory "if you're a trans guy and your attraction to women is het, that's real and okay! your trans experience isn't a monolith and other trans people being different doesn't make you different or wrong"

like, think about it: hardly anyone bats an eye when a tgirl uses grindr or calls herself a faggot, but as soon as a man calls himself a lesbian, everyone gets on his ass. anything for an excuse to shit on lesbians, i guess. it makes me angry that nobody sees this hypocrisy or these ties back to the lesbian separatism that infected the community post-70s. it's not gone, it never went away

this isn't exactly profound news to anyone who gives a shit about lesbian history. just something i find interesting

Reminder that if you aren't biracial, you can fuck right off with what you think biracial individuals get to call ourselves. You can take your 'black people/poc are supposed to look like THIS' and shove it up your ass, too. I get it, I'll forever be a mere racial outlaw to YOU, but I'm still black. get over it.

y'all want us to 'pick one' but then get mad when we do. y'all just hate biracials and it couldn't be more obvious, we can't win to you.

Once these things are brought to the attention of those who don't experience it, not as a silly joke but an actual experience, then it's 'invalid'. Some of the people who 'accept' these things don't really understand them, and have fabricated rigid definitions because all they understand is simplicity. Being a man and a woman, either at the same time or not, is too confusing to them, especially once sexuality gets brought up. Sure, you can be a boygirl, but not actually and you have limited permissions for labeling your sexuality. That's how these people think.

The queer community really normalized the words for fluidity and multigenderism but not the experiences at all.

I'm not the first to make this type of post, but I'm gonna go beyond just what the original said (and I'll edit this to include a link when I find the original again on my dash because it usually shows up once a week): we've normalize words like boygirl but most people haven't normalized actually being a boy and a girl, or a man and a woman, at the same time, and for fluidity they don't normalize actually being a boy or man and being a girl or woman at different times. Instead "boygirl" is just used like a label for androgyny or worse neutrality (nothing wrong with being neutral but being a boy and a girl is NOT that). We normalize the words bigender and genderfluid but never recognize them as actually having multiple genders. Bigender people are treated like half and half, and together androgynous or neutral instead of both of their genders at once, and genderfluid people are just seen like nonbinary people who use different pronouns and different times. We normalize the words but we don't normalize being sapphic and achillean, veldian and lesbian, a lesbian man or a veldian woman, straight and lesbian or straight and veldian. The things that are experienced by multigender people. We normalize the words but we don't allow bigender people to identify with anything other than "bigender" and we don't allow genderfluid people to identify with anything other than "genderfluid." If they want to label their orientations their options are mspec, trixic, toric, and enbian, and anything else is wrong. They're never allowed to say they're straight, and if they are allowed to be veldian/achillean or lesbian/sapphic (and they only get to pick one), they must degender themselves and pretend they don't experience womanhood or manhood.

Similarly, we normalize the word abrosexual but many don't allow abrosexuals to identify as anything but abro. They're not allowed to identify as any of the orientations they experience, even with some regularity. They might be allowed an mspec term - but they're never allowed to say they're veldians, or lesbians, and god forbid they identify as both. Even when they're experiencing being one of those things, it's not "allowed" for them to use the terms because the community deemed fluidity as not *really* the things they experienced because it's not permanent.

If we are gonna normalize the labels of multigender, genderfluid, and abrosexual can we actually get it in our heads that some people are multiple full genders at once, and if they're a man, a woman, and nonbinary, they are AS MUCH of a man as any monogender man, AS MUCH of a woman as any monogender woman, and JUST AS NONBINARY as any monogender enby? Can we get it though our heads that some people experience multiple full genders at different times, and they are AS MUCH of a man as any statically gendered man when they experience manhood, AS MUCH of a woman as any statically gendered woman when they experience womanhood, and JUST AS NONBINARY as any statically gendered enby when they experience enbanhood? Can we get it through our heads that some people experience multiple orientations at different times, and they are AS MUCH of a lesbian when they experience lesbianism, AS MUCH of a veldian when they experience veldianism, JUST AS STRAIGHT as any other straight person when they feel themselves straight, and JUST AS MSPEC when they experience attraction to multiple genders?

(there's also people who experience multiple orientations at once, statically, but we haven't even been normalized yet so. Yeah.)

i love xenogenders because they reveal how arbitrary gender symbolism already is.

we can say ‘my gender is space, cool rocks, and curiosity.’ 👽

is that any more strange than saying, ‘femininity is empathy, flowers, and the color pink’? 🌸

gender is what we make of it, whether practical, picturesque, poetry or prose <3 💖

[ID: the above text in a facebook post by MC Perrin, along with a symbol-less version of the xenogender flag: stripes in dark pink, salmon, pale orange, pale yellow, blue, lavender, and magenta. /end ID]