So I Went On My 1st REAL Date Today After 4 Years Of Being A Hermit Crab And Only Taking My Baby Out

So I went on my 1st REAL date today after 4 years of being a hermit crab and only taking my baby out places. Aaaand I'm not going to lie this dude is shocking me and coming at me at ALL angles with impressivness. However im internally scared and nervous. Like the old saying goes, "if its to good to be true....then it most likely is." And that means to RUN! Then there is the last thing my old neighbor said to me before she died, "it doesn't matter how long you've been together with someone, YOU WILL NEVER REALLY KNOW THAT PERSON." And it hit home with me because this society has gotten so self absorbed/selfish/ and greedy and narcissistic that the person you spend your life with could be withholding old ass skeletons in their closet they will take to their graves and you will have been played and manipulated a d never really loved all that time. Yet they smiled in your face all those years and had no trouble with sexing you though right? So its all those deep around the clock thoughts that made me keep to myself and made me terrified of opening back up to humans. But this new prospect has me deep thinking about actually wanting to be open to a "relationship" plus he's uber attractive. He has dimples even!😣😤😩 lord knows im a sucker for dimples! Whats worse for me is I dont know if he is God sent and actually someone im supposed to open up to and let in, OR if he's demon sent and just another narcissist trying to charm his way into my life to take advantage of me. 🤔😫😖 and not knowing the end result, not being a psychic to see that far into the future drives me crazy.😭😓 all I know is he's THE 1ST MAN that actually made me nervous, he called me out on my sped up heart rate when he asked to hold my hand, AND again when he noticed me trembling. no man Has EVER made me do that before! I'm stunned! What does that even mean? What if he's the one? What if im supposed to open up to him? Oh geez there goes that big fat floating "WHAT IF".

And people who talk to me (like family and coworkers) just don't get that. They get mad at me for not talking to them like Disney princesses do to customers/guests. And have to keep reminding people. THIS AINT DISNEY WORLD. And you're not a child anymore.

“I’m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance.”

— Jon Stewart

Well scratch that last post about my 1st real date nonsense. Considering the fact the guy finally told me the truth this evening. He actually already has a girlfriend. But he's being indecisive about her. And its showing too. Because he doesn't want to let me go now that we've met, yet he flips his words and basically friend zones me and says we wouldn't last long. Makes assumptions in regards to my son and him and his real dad, if something were to happen to me. Says one day he wants kids of his own, but with me being in my late 30s that won't be possible by the time he feels he's finally ready for a kid. I knew deep down inside this was just yet another big fat joke. A big fat waste of time. My life journey/path dangles a good prospect right in front of me only to yank it away forever. This is what I get for enjoying myself and opening up. Back to shutting down again.

I seriously seriously miss these days man

ᴛᴜʀɴ ɪᴛ ᴏɴ! ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ ɪᴛ ᴏɴ! ɪ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴍʏ ᴍᴛᴠ!  🚀📺🎵

So im driving home and look over to my left and I witness a cop using both hands to TEXT! And she's got her head down the whole damn time! What the actual FUCK?!😡😤☠☠

SPICE WORLD — 1997, dir. Bob Spiers