Serious Thoughts - Tumblr Posts
Okay so you may start seeing me do later postings here and there...few reasons why: My outbursts on my family, specifically my mom (starting to be punished for them?), my depression and my emotions...they're just all over the place!
IDK how long I can keep this up...nobody pays attention to how I'm feeling nowadays...so please, forgive me if I'm being scarce for the rest of this week...my "three times a week" postings still happen....it's not that I'm avoiding this platform but in case somethings happens to me you will be seeing me anymore...my blog will go poof!
If you DON'T want that happen, continue supporting me like you do to others...because I matter...because I count...because I'm a human being JUST like you!
I don't want anybody to think I'm a bad person...because I'm not...I don't want people on here to think I'm crazy and that I need to be sent to a mental hospital...it's to that point though...
I just want the support that I need....support from my online community...cuz without it idk what I'll be doing with my life...
So I went on my 1st REAL date today after 4 years of being a hermit crab and only taking my baby out places. Aaaand I'm not going to lie this dude is shocking me and coming at me at ALL angles with impressivness. However im internally scared and nervous. Like the old saying goes, "if its to good to be true....then it most likely is." And that means to RUN! Then there is the last thing my old neighbor said to me before she died, "it doesn't matter how long you've been together with someone, YOU WILL NEVER REALLY KNOW THAT PERSON." And it hit home with me because this society has gotten so self absorbed/selfish/ and greedy and narcissistic that the person you spend your life with could be withholding old ass skeletons in their closet they will take to their graves and you will have been played and manipulated a d never really loved all that time. Yet they smiled in your face all those years and had no trouble with sexing you though right? So its all those deep around the clock thoughts that made me keep to myself and made me terrified of opening back up to humans. But this new prospect has me deep thinking about actually wanting to be open to a "relationship" plus he's uber attractive. He has dimples even!😣😤😩 lord knows im a sucker for dimples! Whats worse for me is I dont know if he is God sent and actually someone im supposed to open up to and let in, OR if he's demon sent and just another narcissist trying to charm his way into my life to take advantage of me. 🤔😫😖 and not knowing the end result, not being a psychic to see that far into the future drives me crazy.😭😓 all I know is he's THE 1ST MAN that actually made me nervous, he called me out on my sped up heart rate when he asked to hold my hand, AND again when he noticed me trembling. no man Has EVER made me do that before! I'm stunned! What does that even mean? What if he's the one? What if im supposed to open up to him? Oh geez there goes that big fat floating "WHAT IF".
How Hatred Starts
I just realized why people hate each other.
Once someone sees the worst side of another and continues to judge them by it, they eventually starts hating the latter.
Suppose the person A knows the worst mistake the person B has made in their life and judge their (B) every action based on the knowledge they (A) acquired, they (A) starts to hate them (B). In turn, the person B also tries to find the worst of the person A and starts to hate them as well.
This is how it goes on and none of them ever tries to find the person behind all that mistakes and weaknesses.
When you hear about someone you know, doing a bad thing, don't you feel kinda sad or maybe even guilty about it?
Because you think, "What was my part, among all others, in their life which lead them to this path?"
Do you ever feel like you’re about to cry? There is no specific reason. You just simply stare at the ceiling and the tears roll down your eyes.
Morning questions
One beautiful or not morning you'll wake up and ask yourself: Am I wrong? Should I do everything in different way? The saddest and the best in the same time thing is that answer to this questions will know only you and nobody else.
The Morse code
How often you feel weird? Just like a hole inside the lungs growing up and ruining the heart? And you cannot breath properly. But what is it? Is it illness? Yes, kind of.
It's the signal that your brain is sending. Unknown signals. The Morse code for the deaf soul.
