I Posted This Last Year, & As Another TDoV Has Come I Figured I Would Share A Bit Of Progress On My Personal

I posted this last year, & as another TDoV has come I figured I would share a bit of progress on my personal journey & some thoughts on the state of things for trans rights in my country.

As of this month, I've been on testosterone for a year & a quarter, & while I have experienced some changes I was looking forward to, I am still misgendered daily. I will probably never pass as a transmasculine person, but I'm doing my best to come to terms with that.

A fully positive experience was finally having top surgery at the beginning of February. My healing for that has gone pretty well overall, & the euphoria I get from having a flat chest has been so incredibly validating that I can't adequately put it into words.

That said, I have experienced transphobia going out in public, from occasional customer service workers & other customers in stores, & even from medical professionals during a recent health scare (I am recovering, no worries there).

My home state has a bill on the docket that would ban HRT for minors & prevent anyone from having their birth certificate amended after they are a year old. I have not yet begun the process of changing my gender markers on any of my legal documents, so this would directly affect two of my transition goals.

Similar bills have already passed in several states in the US, & many more are being introduced & discussed in others. The attacks on the civil rights of transgender people in the US are relentless right now, & the fearmongering & moral panic regarding trans people is at an all time high.

We need our cis & het allies now more than ever because we cannot protect our rights on our own. Our voices, though loud, are often drowned out by the opposition, & even those not directly opposed to trans rights aren't taking the situation here as seriously as they should.

Trans people are people, the same as anyone else, & all we want is to live our lives as ourselves & be afforded the same rights & dignity that cis people are afforded without question. As a visibly trans person living in the Bible Belt of the southern US, I am afraid that my very personhood may be stripped away from me soon.

It isn't a nice way to live, & moving somewhere safer isn't an immediate possibility for me. It's not feasible at all for many people. These transphobic bills & laws need to be met with strong opposition, & we need to fight just as hard to have protections for trans civil rights coded into law.

I am doing what I can, & I implore you all to do the same, be you cis or trans. We're all in this together, & we need each other now more than ever. Compassion & hope are what I wish for all my trans siblings on this day, & may our next TDoV find the world a more accepting place.

Happy International Transgender Day of Visibility from your friendly neighborhood nonbinary owl!

Wangxian Top Ten Fic Recs

So. I got into MDZS/The Untamed back in February, & I've sort of fallen into a Wangxian black hole from which I am not sure I will ever emerge. Thusly, I've been reading a ton of Wangxian fanfiction lately & have acquired quite a few favorites. Naturally I had to eventually compile a rec list lest I combust with all the barely suppressed love I have for this ship.

Now you lucky people get to reap the benefits of all my hard work because not only have I ranked my top ten, I am also including a bunch of honorable mentions because I'm ridiculous & have no self restraint because I'm such a kind & generous person. Note that the honorable mentions are not ranked & are listed in no particular order.

Fair warning, all of these recs are rated Explicit because I enjoy either a sprinkling or a flood of adult content with my fics. It's far from the focus of many of them, but it's there to varying degrees in each. Also, some of these fics cover some heavy content that may be triggering for some folks, so please do mind the tags & any authors' notes for your own peace of mind.

And with no further adieu, onto the recs!

1. Scars Where They Used to Be by CwythanWind (E, 58,467)

Thoughts: I lost count of how many times I cried in this fic. It was gorgeous in every sense of the word. The characterizations were phenomenal. Wei Ying’s pain was palpable, & the pining was agonizing. Lan Zhan conveying his love through poetry made me sob like a baby twice. The prose was just that beautiful. I can’t recommend this enough. As soon as I finished it I knew it was going to become my favorite Wangxian fic, & nothing has managed to top it yet.

2. Beneath Your Skin by Wrenwolf (E, 147,201)

Thoughts: I was sold on tattoo artist Wei Ying from the word go, haha, but Lan Zhan as an antiques dealer was also surprisingly on point. I go on about characterization a lot in these recs, but I have to tell you that Lan Zhan's here is one of my absolute favorites. I felt like I'd crawled into his skin & was just living there right along with him. And don't get me started on Wei Ying in this fic. I just.. fuck, I cried so much, y'all, & it was incredibly cathartic. Nie Huaisang was my favorite side character in this, & they were an absolute BAMF! You can't go wrong with this one. It's just stunning.

3. Pentimento. by orange_crushed (E, 72,966)

Thoughts: This fic was full of sentiment: regrets, longing, & so, so nostalgic. The love of art was apparent & beautifully on display here, & it added a richness to the whole thing. I cried several times during this from the empathy I had for both Lan Zhan's & Wei Ying's experiences (can you sense a theme with my favorites making me overly emotional? lol). The tone got heavy in places, but it didn't feel graphic or overwhelming at any point for me. The writing was just fantastic, & I've enjoyed a few more of the author's fics since I read this one.

4. i'm gonna drown when you wake up by teenjiism (E, 51,752)

Thoughts: I related to this fic on several levels because both characters are portrayed as neurodivergent in ways that felt very authentic, & I rarely see it done as well as it was here. I have ADHD, & Wei Ying's headspace felt extremely familiar, ha. Lan Zhan & Wei Ying's friendship was so lovely here, too. I adored their easy intimacy & how they were each other's favorite person before Wei Ying even realized he was in love with Lan Zhan. Oh yes, this is another fantastic oblivious Wei Ying/One Brain Cell WWX Strikes Again fic. The pining was perfect, & the overall sweetness of their relationship made this a very floaty/happy reading experience for me, personally.

5. Nothing But Trouble by brooklinegirl (E, 60,318)

Thoughts: Continuing with the theme of One Brain Cell WWX Strikes Again, this was a hilarious & heady fake dating scenario fic. His cluelessness reached new heights in this one, & I about died when he came up with the idea that naturally he & Lan Zhan should practice things like kissing for authenticity's sake. (Oh Wei Ying, you sweet summer child... he kills me; can you tell?) I loved how matter-of-fact Lan Zhan was about the whole thing, too. I laughed a lot during this fic. I even blushed a couple of times, too! Highly enjoyable & a must-read for me.

6. you've ruined my life (by not being mine) by cicer (E, 132,713)

Thoughts: None of the parents in this fic are doing a good job, but hey, they didn't in canon either, in my not-so-humble opinion. It's not what I focused on in the fic, but the tags certainly amused me. I haven't come across many texting fics in MDZS, so this was a pleasant & welcome surprise. The whole fic wasn't done through texting, but their text exchanges were SO CUTE. Lan Zhan texted exactly how I thought he would in this, & it made me laugh every time. The pining was lovely, & when they finally got to see each other in person again in New York I was glued to my computer until I finished the fic. I adored the tone of this one. It was great & just a really fun read.

7. and so my heart beats wildly by lily_winterwood (E, 106,435)

Thoughts: This was one of the most original modern AUs I've seen & featured competitive cultivation that had a Hunger Games meets professional figure-skating competition vibe. It was wild, but it made sense when I read it, I promise. The author was very good at fleshing out their world, & I was fascinated by the concept. Wei Ying once again failed to notice Lan Zhan was in love with him, & his confusion over their interactions never failed to entertain me. I never get tired of their dynamic, y'all, & it was just perfect here. I highly recommend this one.

8. Falling to the Rhythm by Selenay (E, 128,916)

Thoughts: Ever seen So You Think You Can Dance or Strictly Come Dancing? This was basically that but Wangxian! Wei Ying was stunning as a professional dancer being handed a socially awkward, concert violinist Lan Zhan & having to teach him to dance in front of the nation for 12 weeks, & I absolutely loved Lhan Zhan in this. He was precious. The sexual tension during some of the dances was electrifying, & watching them fall in love over the course of the filming of the show was a delight to read.

9. Two Dollar Coffee by marizousbooty (E, 145,286)

Thoughts: I almost fell out of my chair laughing because how do you acquire an accidental sugar daddy?! Well, if you read this fic, you'll find out. One Brain Cell WWX Strikes Again! Yeah, it's one of my favorite AO3 tags, so sue me, lol. The sex was obviously one of the highlights, which I am known to enjoy in a fic (don't judge me, Puritans), but it certainly wasn't the only thing that was well written here. I loved everything about this from beginning to end.

10. things that make it warm by yabakuboi (E, 33,327)

Thoughts: This fic hurt my feelings, not gonna lie. I cried ugly tears at the break up, but I've always had a hard time with reconciliation fics. It was very worth it, however. The way the fic covered their relationship growing & changing over time was very compelling, & a highlight of this for me was Wei Ying's relationship with the Wens, particularly A'Yuan. It was very sweet amongst an ocean of angst, haha. I read this in the span of a couple hours. Just couldn't be torn away. If you're a sucker for angst with a happy ending, then you might want to check this one out.

Honorable Mentions

The Simplest Way Forward by harriet_vane (E, 70,972)

Thoughts: This was so heartwarming I couldn't stop smiling over how adorable it was. Kid fics aren't typically a favorite of mine, but I do enjoy a really good one every now & then. This was one of the best I've read, to be honest. A'Yuan was the sweetest little angel, & he was so cute with Wei Ying spazzing out about every aspect of his care. Lan Zhan being the quiet, responsible source of reason & support was expected but of course always a welcome addition to the mix. Accidental Baby Acquisition isn't a tag I'd seen before, but it's a new favorite when it comes to Wangxian getting to be surprise parents together, haha.

undone (the spreadsheet song) series by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 282,452)

Thoughts: This is a two part series that tells the same story from each love interest’s point of view, a la Rivals by Reiya in the YoI fandom, which is one of my favorites of all time. Similarly, this story is also phenomenally written. I was sucked in immediately & read both fics over the span of like 3 days. I actually read Lan Zhan’s POV fic (the second in the series) in a single day. I was spellbound by the whole thing, couldn’t get enough. I highly recommend this. The characterizations are incredible, & the emotions are so intense I couldn’t help but feel everything right along with each of them as the story progressed.

My only word of caution is that if you have a hard time reading about Wangxian being intimate with people other than each other you might want to skim/skip those sections of the second fic like I had to. The author makes it fairly easy by giving a heads up in the author’s notes at the beginning of each chapter in which that occurs, which I very much appreciated.

Many happy returns. by orange_crushed (E, 25,470)

Thoughts: This fic started with a very serendipitous first meeting between businessman Lan Zhan & Wei Ying, who he mistook for the (non-sexual) escort he'd hired for the evening. I nearly died of mortification right along with poor Lan Zhan when he figured out his mistake. Him confessing this to Wei Ying was painfully awkward & hurt my heart, but fear not! We all know I can't handle a fic without an eventual happy ending, haha. Watching their instant connection develop into something more was such a treat. I loved this fic quite a lot for it being a quicker read for me.

Multiphonics by androkastia (E, 63,705)

Thoughts: Wei Ying was such a lovable disaster in this (as he often is, bless him). Him & Lan Zhan both being in the orchestra was a fun idea, & I loved the author's choice of the harp for Lan Zhan's instrument. I thought it was very different from the usual violin or cello choice I've seen previously but still suited him perfectly. I also loved his overall characterization, down to his fashion sense being tastefully eclectic when his style is usually portrayed as very stuffy & conservative. I really enjoyed this college/university AU, & I've read quite a few of them at this point. So obviously this one stood out.

No Compasses, No Signs by brooklinegirl (E, 36,041)

Thoughts: Ah, finally! A soulmate fic. A Temnurus rec list really wouldn't be complete without at least one. This was a modern AU, which made it especially fun when their soul bond inexplicably manifested as they literally collided with each other on the sidewalk. It was painful watching them fumble for answers to why they suddenly knew things about each other they had no way of knowing only moments before, but the sweet conclusion made it more than worth the temporary angst.

A Haunting Love by Selenay (E, 64,621)

Thoughts: This was another very unique modern with magic AU, & I was nervous because Wei Ying was a ghost haunting Lan Zhan's new house in the quiet little town he moved to in order to write his next novel. Naturally Lan Zhan became ensnared by the mystery surrounding Wei Ying's departure. This had a very romantic feel to it, intensely poetic in a way that I found very alluring. There were even thriller-esque moments towards the end of the story, so it had a bit of everything, all of it equally satisfying to read.

love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360,042)

Thoughts: This was an example of a cool MDZS-specific trope I hadn't seen before, & in it Wei Ying, the infamous Yiling Patriarch, was a cultivator who had achieved immortality (aka, he's OP as fuck but in a fun way). The great sects enlisted his help to win the Sunshot Campaign, & what did he demand in return? Lan Zhan's hand in marriage, of course! It was a fantastic slow burn in which poor Lan Zhan suffered the mortifying ordeal of falling in love with his own husband. An amazing & complex plot, chock-full of angsty goodness.

a place to hide (can't find one near) by yiqie (E, 76,091)

Thoughts: I'm giving y'all a heads up first thing that this fic pulled no punches when it came to the heavier subject matter covered in the tags & author's note. Some of the descriptions were fairly graphic, so please take care of yourselves when considering this one. That said, it was a powerful portrayal of someone suffering from mental health issues & the long & often complicated journey of healing. This one also happened to contain a love story so beautiful that I was brought to tears several times by Lan Zhan's patient & loving care for his most important person, nevermind all the times I cried at the sad parts! I found the emotional cost of those very much worth the payoff of their happy ending, which is why I just had to include this one.

Just You, Just Me (Just Us, Just We) by wincechesters (E, 19,777)

Thoughts: Lan Zhan thought his brother made him an appointment at an acupuncturist & was aghast when he discovered it was for a session with a professional cuddler instead! Enter Wei Ying, gratuitous cuddle therapy, & his usual chaotic charm. Poor Lan Zhan being so overwhelmed while also becoming hopelessly besotted made me laugh, bless his fragile little heart. This was an adorable & light-hearted fic that made me want to go back & reread it almost immediately, haha.

my age has never made me wise by idrilka (E, 63,439)

Thoughts: I absolutely loved this. It was pretty CQL (The Untamed) compliant & told the post-canon story of Wei Ying wandering alone as a rogue cultivator after the events of the show. Of course he was pining after his zhiji the entire time, so when he heard gossip that the Chief Cultivator might be married by summer's end it nearly undid him. The angst was excruciating, but at the same time, One Brain Cell WWX Strikes Again fics somehow always manage to be fun at the same time. I've read several post-canon, wandering Wei Ying stories, & this one was particularly good.

Reasons to get an AO3 account as a reader

Every time I see someone who reads lots of fic on AO3 but doesn’t have an account, I have to wonder if they realize how many features AO3 has just for readers. This is not an exhaustive list, but here are a few (and I’ve saved the best for last!):

Bookmarks - You probably know these exist because you’ve seen them on fic you read. But did you know that you can:

Make private bookmarks that only you can see - they don’t show up when someone clicks that “bookmarks” link. Not even the author can see them. 


Organize your bookmarks with tags.

Filter them like you would a search.

Add your own comments/descriptions, either for your own benefit or the benefit of people looking for something to read. (Just remember that unless your bookmark is private everyone including the author can see tags & comments.)

History - AO3 can track every fic you’ve ever viewed. My history is 373 pages long. However, you can delete any fic from your history with the click of a button, clear your entire history at once, or turn this off.

“Marked for Later” - Some people use bookmarks to save fics they haven’t read yet, but there’s also a separate system for that. When you’re logged in there’s a “Mark for Later” button on each fic. Then you can filter your History down to just those Marked for Later. Once you’ve read a marked fic you can then hit the “Mark as Read”  button and it will drop off this

The downside to both the History and Marked for Later is that this system currently can’t be sorted or filtered beyond that, but it can be useful nonetheless if you want to save your Bookmarks for rereading your faves.

Locked fics - Some people lock their fics to registered users for many reasons. They don’t want their fics showing up in search engines, they don’t want bots stealing them, they’re having a troll problem, etc. Without an AO3 account you won’t even see that these exist.

Comment notifications - You have an inbox on AO3, and anytime anyone replies to one of your comments you will get a notification. No more having to go back and check fics to see if authors replied to you! You can also opt to get an email every time.

Customize how you see the site - You can use site skins, hide tags or warnings on fics, skip the extra step to view adult content (if you’re 18+), even customize how your browser titles the window.

Last but very much not least:

Subscribe to fics, series, or authors - I honestly don’t understand how anyone keeps up with WIPs without this.


Get an email every time a new chapter is posted, or every time one of your favorite writers posts a new fic or chapter!

Don’t want to read a WIP as it’s being posted? Subscribe and know as soon as the last chapter goes up.


Worth getting an account just for this alone tbh. 


How are you living without it???


(Hitting subscribe is also one more way to show an author you care, although authors can’t see subscriber #s on series.)

There are probably more, but those are the main ones. Yes, you have to wait a few days to get an account, but it’s worth it. If you’re worried because you don’t want people seeing you kudos certain fics (that one tentacle fic you’ll never admit to having read?) - the way login is setup it’s actually super easy to log out, leave anonymous kudos, and log back in without leaving the fic. AO3 is designed by users; they’ve got your back.

And hey, if you ever decide to take the plunge and post something, that’s one step out of your way!

(And seriously, subscribing is a game-changer.)

This makes.. so much sense in retrospect. I'm relieved & pissed off at the same time. So much of my negative self image as a child & onward can be tied back to things that I now know are related to my ADHD, & I'm just.. thrown. Things may or many not have been different if I'd known sooner, but I'd have an answer for so much that bothered me or made me feel inadequate. That would've been something.

UH WHAT

UH...... WHAT.........

DOFWIJWODIJOW NEW HEADCANON UNLOCKED!!

(they're so cute, omg, I can't! 😭😭😭💛💛💛

When I was a kid I heard that Alan Rickman took the child actors out for milkshakes to help them not be afraid of Snape, but then they ended up spilling the milkshake in his car. I have no idea if it’s actually true but it’s always been on my mind :’)

WWX POV Fic Recs

So! As a diehard Wei Ying fan, I thought it would be rather timely to come up with a rec list that showcased him in all his clever, chaotic, charming glory. This mostly some of my more recent reads, as I tried not to duplicate recs from my top ten list and the 10 extra honorable mentions because I couldn't stop myself.

Ahem. Anyway, this is a good mix of stuff. We've got everything from accidental baby acquisition, to case fic, to monsterfucking! (You're welcome, fellow deviants. 😉) Happy WWX day, folks! Now onto the recs!

hold up a mirror by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 36,170)

Thoughts: Another brilliant friends to lovers fic by one of my favorite authors. They wow me every single time, no exaggeration. In this one Wei Ying is lonely. He’s also tired of being set up on blind dates by his concerned brother when he stumbles upon the fact that Lan Zhan is pining for some idiot who has somehow failed to see how great he is. Obviously them pretending to date will solve both of these problems. Jiang Cheng will get off his back, & they’ll be able to make Lan Zhan’s crush jealous enough to realize what he’s missing. Cue me banging my head against my desk while muttering about their joint stupidity, & we have the recipe for yet another fic making it to my favorites list.

(we've got) time for one more by impossibletruths (E, 71,504)

Thoughts: I felt Wei Ying’s longing in my bones in this fic. For the music, for Lan Zhan, for all the things that could’ve been. He was such a good dad to A’Yuan, & their relationship was so touching. I cried several times in this fic, one of which was inspired by Wei Ying & the Jiang siblings trio. The feelings surrounding them & the planning of Yanli’s wedding were so bittersweet with canon lurking in the background. I really loved getting to see it come together differently here, though. Seeing Lan Zhan through Wei Ying’s eyes was also a huge treat here, & I loved their dynamic, angst & all. This was a great fic, highly recommended!

Stumbling Into You by Magnolia822 (E, 39,332)

Thoughts: I really enjoyed this one. Wei Ying & Lan Zhan’s relationship felt very soft here, & sometimes I love that. It really worked with the whole tone of the fic. I liked Lan Zhan’s characterization in particular, which was neat since the story is told from Wei Ying’s perspective. There was a touch of angst, mostly towards the end, but the fic definitely earned its happy ending tag. I recommend it if you enjoy college AUs & our boys being soft idiots in love.

Tripped at Every Step by brooklinegirl (E, 28,758)

Thoughts: This fic was such a fun read. Wei Ying’s confusion was just delightful, & seeing Lan Zhan shower him with love in every way he knew how was breath-takingly sweet. There was a lot of fun teasing & banter, as well as an incident with a hickey that had me laughing until I cried. Nothing hurt in this, & I appreciated that so much because sometimes you just need a little softness. This did that just right. I highly recommend it.

The Golden Cutsleeve by syrus_jones (E, 77,020)

Thoughts: This is one of the most glorious things I’ve ever read in my life. I am not exaggerating when I say that. I cannot tell you how many times I laughed so hard I cried. This fic was hilarious, sexy, & full of Wei Ying being his chaotic best self. I nearly lost my mind at how hot some of the smut was, & it definitely earned the Crack Taken Seriously & Porn with Feelings tags. I’m not normally a crack fic person, so my ringing endorsement of this fic should not be taken lightly. 10/10, will absolutely read it again. As should you!

so take my hand (take my whole life too) by cicer (E, 92,343)

Thoughts: This is the second accidental baby acquisition fic I read for Wangxian, & A-Yuan is much younger here, not even a year old. There are lots of cute baby moments, including Wei Ying & Lan Zhan figuring out how to be parents together on the fly. Wei Ying had a huge crush on Lan Zhan and was, of course, convinced that Lan Zhan didn’t like him back. He is very, very stupid, but that’s okay because he’s obviously always very wrong about that. I laughed a lot at this fic, but it was also very touching. Not a whole lot of angst here besides the unfortunate reason for A-Yuan being left with them, but those subjects aren’t graphically described or deeply gone into.

In Love and War by Cataclysmic_Calamity (E, 68,321)

Thoughts: This is A/B/O dynamics done right & is easily the best of the trope that I’ve read for this ship. Mind the tags, of course, but I do recommend this if Omegaverse is your thing. Wei Ying’s plan to make himself insufferable didn’t go quite as well as he’d hoped, & before he knew it he was suffering the indignity of falling in love with his own husband. The nerve! Haha. There’s a good amount of angst, & the depth of feeling was gripping. I also enjoyed the side pairing of SangCheng. This author wrote a Hualian fic that’s one of my favorite fanfics period, so that certainly lends itself to the quality of the writing.

Full Moon Blues by Unforth (E, 39,034)

Thoughts: Alright monsterfuckers, this one’s for you. It’s exactly what you’d expect. Wei Ying’s phobia of dogs plays a large role. The depiction of panic attacks is very visceral in this fic, so be warned if that’s an issue for you. The angst is all emotional in nature & does pass eventually, leading to the star of this fic, the fucking. Oh my goodness, the fucking. The smut is so hot it nearly melted my face off! If you like werewolf sex, you’re in for a treat here. But don't let that fool you, their emotional connection is just as satisfying as the smut! I recommend anything by Unforth, to be honest. I’ve loved everything I’ve read by them.

for sale: eboy bathwater, never used by lewdwife (E, 25,123)

Thoughts: This was absolutely hilarious, boarderline Crack Treated Seriously almost. The Sugar Daddy thing is a sort of almost/but not really kind of thing, but I honored the author’s tag anyway. I could feel the convention energy as Wei Ying & the gang geared up for it, & it was a whole lot of fun. The smut was absolutely filthy & very, very good. I definitely recommend this one. It was adorable.

a stone to break your soul, a song to save it by rikke (M, 179,769)

Thoughts: Despite this being rated Mature it actually does contain smut! It’s maybe tame smut compared to most Explicit rated fics, but I’ve always found there to be a very fine line between the two ratings that no one can really agree on. I digress, though. This fic is plot-heavy & plot-driven. It’s an interesting case fic that also features an arranged marriage between Wei Ying & Lan Zhan in order to redeem Wei Ying in the eyes of the cultivation world after the events at Qiongqui Path. The Wens end up being sheltered by the Lans at Cloud Recesses instead of the Burial Mounds as a result. I enjoyed the twists & turns of this, & watching them slowly get closer was as rewarding as always. There was some interesting cultivation theory featured as well.