The Girl With The Pinned Smile

The Girl With The pinned Smile

there is a girl with a pinned smile that “everyone adores” 

She knows what they say when she closes her door

and knows that her tears dropping like flies will not help her

The girl with the pinned smile is a model student with straight A’s

She feels like screaming every time everyone says that she will be fine when they give her double the normal amount of work

She wants to drop dead when everyone gives her all the work in a project

When she tries to tell anyone her accomplishment that she worked for and she gets in return is a “yeah, we get it you're smart.” or a “stop showing off.” She wants to stop trying.

The girl with the pinned smile won the lottery with her looks

She has such smooth skin, that isn’t covered with bumps

The bumps are scratched until crimson runs down her skin

When someone says she looks pretty she will respond “thank you!” even though she knows they are lying

When they say that she is ugly she doesn’t respond to it and walks away, and she believes it

The girl with the pinned smile says “I love you too” as she closes her door

She walks over to her mirror and looks the stranger in the eye

She unpins her permanent smile as tears race down her face, her cheeks are sore

Her perfect curls look like bramble bush on top her head

She pushes up her hair revealing the ugly bumps on her forehead

She takes off her shirt showing the bumps on her back and the ugly pudge on her stomach

She takes off her shorts, and bra

She puts on some cute pajamas that don’t match her at all

Words such as Ugly and useless cloud her head

She wants to shut them up

But she agrees with them

A small voice says the opposite she quite’s it so it is not heard

That small voice is lying

She curls up on her bed

So small in the big world

She is scared

And lonely

And fat

And loud

She wants to scream but knows that will only make her more loud

She wants to be quite, but knows that is not her

She gets up out of bed and grabs her sandals

She runs out of the house which is silent

She runs to the closed park

No one ever goes there anymore

In the dead of night when not even a mouse awake

She lets her silent scream reach the world

Ah yes, me. Has yet to figure out what sexuality I identify with, has a bit to much yellow, wears headbands everywhere, wears sweaters a lot, loves overalls cause the cute in my opinion.

Life update: crying because I miss my best friend since kindergarten. Fuck you corona you peice of shit, you made me not talk to her for I didn't keep track of time but I know it has been at least four months. Everyone wear masks and wash your God forsaken hands so I can see her again!

update on fic posting

I will not follow a schedule but I will have dates that I will try to have one out before or on. okay?

Me: I should really do some work instead of watching everything on tik tok.

My Brain: yeah you should, okay I will allow you. I want to write the next chapter of Masquerade.

My common sense: *coming out of the shadows covered in sticky notes* Y-You are going back to work?! Just a warning the sequel to Sunday Tea with The King is now on the, "it may never see the light of day" list.

Me: okay, you need a vacation. Me and brain will rough draft it, and call you back when it's done to edit it.

My Common Sense: O-okay, just in case here are is your schedule and notes.

My Brain: *being smushed by all the folders and sticky notes* huh, we are packed in notes aren't we. Also I'm move the posting schedule onto our calendar, cause that should free some space for me to summon more ideas.

I finished sher-ra...

I want more.