Trigger-warning-ed - Risha - Tumblr Blog

maintaining feels like gaining :/

anti-binge guide:

~ read this list 20 times ~

count to 100 very slowly

talk on the phone with someone

clean up something gross (bye I never did this one to be honest, lmao. no thank yo)

go out on a walk

pour salt over craving food (also a popular one I never did. a bitch just didn’t like to waste salt or food like that. i say that while heavily relying on number 10 🤡)

make a list of triggers + avoid them // find low cal fibrous, filling alternatives

go outside and do 20 pushups + 100 jumping jacks (the jiggling was enough of an anti-binge lmao); bonus, do in front of a mirror (this is just cruel but also effective so idk yall, take your gander)

take a shot of ACV (LIGHT IT UPPPP lmao, pretend you’re clubbing but the vodka is vinegar and rather than feeling buzzed and happy, you’re miserable and desperate. but babes, we gotta romanticize this, so party it up anyways lmao)

sleep

c/s (wastes food, but worked wonders for me. just make sure you have at least a bite at the end, and rinse the mouth, but don’t brush to preserve that enamel)

listen to a podcast / read a book

watch something gory

write in your diary

th1nsp0

make a food planner for next week

calculate the deficit yoo’ll maintain for the week and the lbs progress if you don’t binge (it feels like a reward then, to refrain)

online window shop for clothes you want to fit in

dance / go on a run

take a shower/bath

do some self care. attend to those emotional needs rather than using food as an emotional crutch. sis is not your therapist.

chew on ice (i was never this desperate lmao)

plan a controlled metabolism day and work the foods you want to binge on now in that day to practice moderation and portion control while also reinforcing discipline

STOP if you have already started. you don’t have to continue. you’re okay. you still have control. stop now and prove it to yourself.

learn some biology (human anatomy, physiology, etc)

✨some affirmations✨:

~ repeat these to yourself for as long as it takes for the urge to binge to go away ~

food does not hold power over me

i don’t actually want this

*this food* actually really grosses me out

i don’t even like to eat

i’m going to put this away because i don’t need it and i listen to my needs

i am such an intuitive eater. i know when to stop eating naturally

its so easy for me to not eat

not eating is so easy

i take care of my emotional needs rather than numbing them away with food

food won’t make me feel better. self care will

i take care of myself.

i am committed to taking care of myself

i don’t even want to eat anymore.

i have no appetite. i never do

this food taste so gross and it lingers in the mouth. why would i want to eat something like that

i naturally crave fruits and vegetables.

i naturally eat healthy

i feel so much lighter and happier when i don’t eat

i feel better now that i said no to *this food*

i don’t really need food

i am actually really thirsty. i need water, not food

i am okay

i have control over myself and my body because i listen to it and take of it

i have discipline because i am naturally built for this

i am okay

i will be okay

this urge is not the end of the world. i don’t have to give in

just because i have a desire, that doesn’t compel me to fulfil it. i have more self control than that

i am okay.

i will be okay.

i am strong

i am okay

Him: babe, you've barely touched your food. Do you not like it?

Me: No, that's the problem. I wish I didn't, so it would be easier for me to not want to eat it.

Ana hack:

If you don’t want to eat watch time lapses of food rotting

Bonus points for maggots 🤗

want to snack?

here’s a list of things to do instead :)

low intensity activities

read (helps if it’s on of your favorites that sucks you right in) !!

watch youtube/netflix/tiktok

stretch

sing

practice an instrument

knit or crochet

headphones on and lip sync in the mirror to music

headphones on and daydream to music

go on a slow and casual nature walk

paint or draw

journal

chat with a friend

sew or embroider something

shower

do your nails

pluck your eyebrows

give yourself a facial massage

online shop (or window shop) !!

daydream about your celebrity crush ;) fr tho

bubble bath

practice doing your makeup

practice doing your hair

figure out your color season (ive tried to do this so many times and still don’t know, good luck)

meditate

clean your makeup brushes

brush your teeth and floss

scroll on pinterest or tumblr :))

nap (one of my personal favs) !!

high intensity activities

headphones on and dance in the mirror

learn a dance routine

walk or jog

clean old clothes out of your closet

reorganize your room

yoga or pilates

weight training

go thrifting

do laundry

try your clothes on or try on different outfit ideas you’ve had

exfoliate and shave (this is def high intensity idc what you say) :3

go for a hike

A quote that has stayed in my mind since I saw it went like-

“You already know what it tastes like, so why’s it so hard to not eat it?”

Really helps me 🤭

ed-things nobody talks about

(some things I experienced when my ed was really bad when I was 16-17. It’s not all fun and it’s not like the cute thinspo-posts you see here everyday)

hiding food in your pockets, shoes, socks… while eating with others

forgetting that you were hiding the food in these places (oh the smell)

friends, family … finding the food you were hiding

trowing away the food someone you loved gave you

making people cry and constantly worry about you

being upset when people give you the bigger portion (do they think you eat that much????)

being upset when people give you the smaller portion (do they think you are fat and that you should eat less????)

drinking to much water before a doctors weight in so you feel like you are peeing your pants

the pain after the laxatives kick in

being afraid to put chapstick on (because you know, it’s made out of fat lol)

not going out with frieds, because there is food everywhere (you will regret it later, because everyone went clubbing and now that you are healthy they are not into that anymore, aka missing out your youth)

freezing when people around you wear a bikini

not being able to get pregnant, although you recovered

heartproblems, although recovered

struggling with hormone-production, although you recovered

having bad teeth, although you recovered

having problems with your bones, although you recovered

having problems with your nails and hair, although recovered

the need to take medication your whole life because of a few years of having an ed

loosing your sexdrive

being afraid to fall asleep and never wake up again

not being able to stop, even if you want to

Edit: I didn’t want to make you guys feel bad about using chapsticks. I thought it was obvious that, unless your eat your chapstick, you don’t consume calories by using it. Calories need to enter your mouth, not just sit on your lip. Your skin just absorbs the moisture, you can’t gain weight by putting calories on your skin. Me thinking that was a thing and so many of you now thinking that’s a thing should make you think about how absurd this illness is. You are here to live and experience this earth. You are not on this planet to worry about calories absorbing your body through your skin.

grocery shopping while having an ed is literally just [picks up item] [turns it over] [reads nutritional label] [puts it back] [picks up item] [turns it over] [reads nutritional label] [puts it b

If you feel like you wanna break a fast:

Chew and spit a bite of food(rinse mouth after)

Think about if you eat, your SO/parents/friends/siblings won’t get to eat

Eat an ice cube

Watch a movie or tv series

Smoke weed

Weigh yourself

Start a new project or complete an old one

Remember that if you quit this fast, you gotta start day 1 all over again. The longer you fast, the faster the weight loss. Do you really wanna start over? You got this!

Starting day 4 of fasting, lost 5 pounds already (I ate a lot after my last fast) so I got some catching up to do. I’m gonna try and fast until I’m 160 for now. Unless I’m forced to eat. I’m going to do 7-8 days just because I’m saving a small portion of food that family brought unless my bf eats it on me (or I freeze it which is prob the case. Wish me luck on completing my longest fast. 7 more full days!

grosspø images to reduce ur hunger besties 👯‍♀️

everyone talks about getting skinny with an ed but nobody talks about how much easier it is to get your life together, your room being cleaner, skin being clearer, and life just overall being better

like rn im just reorganising my room and then going on the treadmill and doing silly little workouts?!? life is soo much better

But then I found out being loved and being small feel synonymous

- Diet Coke by Leanna Firestone

Think about the look on their faces when they see how skinny you‘ve gotten.

the more my mom bugs me to eat the more determined i get to starve

food isnt the answer, food is the question and the answer is „no”

My thinspiration is my old self. Duh.

you know you’re down bad when your dreams at night are about losing weight, calories & avoiding food. like even my unconscious self worries about that??? LMAO damn

Day 2.

I'm 5 feet 3 inches tall.

I like my height.

Day 1:

Height: 161 cm

HW: 109 kgs

LW: 57 kgs

GW 1: 77 kgs

GW 2: 66 kgs

GW 3: 55 kgs

UGW: 44 kgs

CW: 85 kgs

Bye 2023 Hello 2024

NYCTOPHILE

You lie down on your bed at 3am in the morning, awake. No matter what you do, you are not being able to sleep. You have counted till infinity and backwards, you tried listening to some Mozzart or some other music, your hair is damp cause you already took a shower, yet you just cannot sleep. Your mind keeps wandering to the darkest corners, spider webs all over, dirty and claustrophobic. You close your eyes shut, you can feel sleep sitting on your eyelids, you hear the clock ticking away to its glory, in a mocking manner. Your head keeps messing with you, you want to stop your thoughts, stop the mess, stop breathing- stop living.

Depression is like this big dark cloud that sits on top of your head, adding weight to your already burdened shoulders, making it difficult for you to walk straight. Or, it sits on your chest, making you feel light headed, out of breath. It is like this long, never ending tunnel which has no light and you keep walking aimlessly, desperately looking for a way out. It has no doors and the windows are all sealed tight, curtains drawn. As if you are drowning in deep waters, the waves engulfing you, you try screaming for help but no one can hear your cries, neither can you swim. The water keeps pulling you down like quicksand, and you slowly give up, you are tired of trying.  Depression makes you blind, you know that the world is colorful but you cannot see it. You sit alone on the cold bathroom floor, door locked, painful gasps every second or two- hyperventilating, you don’t know any better- you use physical pain to cope with your mental pain. Razor blade in your hands, your knuckles turn white with the force you use to grasp it, your hands shaking and trembling, the phantom voice in your messed up head telling you to hurt yourself, cause “YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH”. You think you deserve to be punished, you deserve the pain. You cannot cry anymore cause your tears have all dried up. All you can do is stare at the nothingness in front of you, devoid of any emotion. You ask, “WHY ME?” You pray to any God up there, begging, but all you get as an answer is silence and it kills you. Your eyes well up with unshed tears and you try your best to muffle your sobs. Your head hurts, your chest hurts, you can feel your heart break into pieces. You always feel tired and exhausted, sleep cannot make it right- it is just a temporary solution. You don’t feel like moving, even showering sounds like a lot of hardwork, you cannot get out of your bed cause it needs a lot of energy and you are already drained out. Sometimes you want to feel better, you want someone to hold you close and hug you, whispering sweet nothings into your ear. But who are you kidding? You keep pushing people away cause you are afraid, thinking you would hurt them. So you put on a mask. A  mask which screams ‘PERFECTION.’ You pretend to be fine and strong, smiling and giggling, being sassy, but on the inside you are broken and you are taking each comment to your heart, you are damaged from the inside.You are tired of people telling you to get over it, but you cannot. It NEVER works like that. Depression is not a choice, and it just cannot go away like that. BUT no matter what other people say, you know that you are a fighter. You stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself that you are proud, you pat your back and smile, you love yourself a little more each day. You learn to accept yourself for who you are, embracing your flaws, cause that makes you the brightest flower in a garden, blooming day by day. You know that recovery is not a path full of unicorns and rainbows, there are hurdles and twists and turns, it will not be sunny all the time, you will face the storm and the rain but you have to get up and fight cause one day, you will win and no one can stop you. You need to hold on, cause you are loved. It is winter now but it too shall pass and spring will definitely come. YOU NEVER WALK ALONE! 

too fat for it to become a problem

(I AM NOT PROMOTING EATING DISORDERS)

When the fat girl loses weight, it’s a success story. Everyone suddenly starts acknowledging her, and suddenly she exists. She finally fits in the society, the constant pats on her back, the congratulatory messages, “girl, you have lost weight, very good, you should continue”, she feels happy, maybe after a very long time she’s satisfied with herself, BUT, it is not enough, it is never enough. She is obsessed, she counts every calorie and she has this pink diary in which she writes everything down, she has written the rude comments made by people earlier, she remembers how she used to get body shamed and she makes sure to never forget them, so she writes each and everything down. She wants thigh gaps and collar bones and she wants to count each and every rib, that’s utopia for her. Everyone sees how much weight she has lost and how pretty she has become, but they never look beyond that. Cause, she’s too fat for it to become a problem. No one sees how she stands on the weight machine, cursing at herself cause, she needs to lose more. No one sees how she shivers, no one notices her dark circles and pale complexion, no one really sees that she is losing a lot of weight in very less time.(22kgs?) NO ONE KNOWS THAT SHE HIDES HER FOOD, THROWS THE FOOD AWAY AND COMPLETELY STARVES HERSELF, NO ONE BLOODY KNOWS THAT SHE HASN’T EATEN A SINGLE CALORIE FOR MORE THAN TWO WEEKS. No one thinks that she is sick, CAUSE SHE IS TOO FAT FOR IT TO BECOME A PROBLEM. She wants to shout and cry for help but she won’t, cause NOT EATING gives her something to be proud about, a purpose, she feels good when she is hungry, her stomach asking for food cause it’s too empty, so she places her cold hands on her tummy and ‘shh’ she says! She knows that whatever she is doing is not right, but she refuses to believe it, cause she’s fat and she can never have a problem, right? She knows that she might die doing this, but at least she will die thin! It’s not like she avoids food, the thing is, she avoids eating. After all this, it’s under control, isn’t it? She can be all skin and bones, but the fat girl is thin, that’s all that matters, right? (This is MY personal experience, fuck haters)