Just Because He Was The Slowest Member Of The Team, Didnt Mean He Wasnt The Most Important. Theyd Coordinate

Just because he was the slowest member of the team, didn’t mean he wasn’t the most important. They’d coordinate for a moment the other team’s star wasn’t paying attention and strike. Nine times out of ten he could still outrun their fastest guy when he wasn’t prepared and it looks like this time isn’t gonna be any different. Just waiting for the perfect chance to strike in order to disqualify his target from every race.

My psychology professor told me that red is used by companies to invoke hunger and excitement. So naturally when I saw a muscular man in a tight red speedo you invoked, well, hunger and excitement.

Lifeguard? Yeah, I knew you worked here, it’s part of this pool’s great customer service, right?

Woah there, I’m gonna have to lie down if you keep doing that.

Wow, you are a strong swimmer! I like this lifeguard meat. You tasted amazing, but once inside you feel better than anyone else I’ve eaten.

Well, of course you aren’t the first. You’re a strong dude, I couldn’t get you down that easy without practice. And judging by the way you feel now, I can guarantee you won’t be the last lifeguard!

I almost wish I didn’t have to digest you; keep you thrashing around in me, but oh well, you know circle of life.

You know what? Fine. Go ahead. I don’t even care anymore. You’ve been pestering me about this so much for so long that now I can’t even take a shit without you trying to convince me to let you take me. It’s exhausting. I guess you win. You happy now? You happy this is how this relationship ends? I only stuck with you for so long because I knew you’d eat me if I broke up with you, but now I don’t even know that you’ll wait for that. So c’mon. Gobble me up like the monster you are. If I’m nothing but food to you, treat me like food, just get it over with. Right here, right now!

Oh Shit, oh shit, oh shit. How the hell am I gonna afford rent now!? I really didn’t mean to but I was just so hungry and he was just sitting there, playing video games in his underwear. Who plays video games in his underwear knowing there’s a compulsive predator in the house though? Yeah, what if he secretly wanted me to eat him. All the struggling could have just been an act. Felt real though. I was gonna let him out, swear I was, but it felt so good I thought I could just feel him squirm a minute longer. But now he’s not moving anymore. That’s a mistake anyone could make right? I promise I don’t feel good about it, but is there really a point to letting him out at all after he stopped squirming. That’s just my luck, that’s the fourth roommate in a row to die in my gut. Maybe my next roommate should be a predator, just so they can neutralize me when I get my urges. At any rate I’ve gotta find a new snack, I mean roommate.

What? Why you giving me that look, a man’s gotta eat. Do I not have the right to eat food when I’m hungry? Geez

Shhh, just calm down buddy. Don’t worry I’ve got you. I’m sorry it has to end this way, but at least we’re together now.

Hey don’t be like that, I warned you what could happen if I got drunk and you took the risk anyways.

Nah bro, I told you I don’t even remember doing it. I just kinda woke up with a headache and you in there.

Yeah, I mean I guess regardless of what happened last night I could let you out now, but isn’t there some degree of fate that led you in there? I know it was an accident, but maybe this is where you’re meant to be.

You’re in there already anyways, might as well be a good sport about it. C’mon, relax for old time sake.