My Psychology Professor Told Me That Red Is Used By Companies To Invoke Hunger And Excitement. So Naturally

My psychology professor told me that red is used by companies to invoke hunger and excitement. So naturally when I saw a muscular man in a tight red speedo you invoked, well, hunger and excitement.

Lifeguard? Yeah, I knew you worked here, it’s part of this pool’s great customer service, right?

Woah there, I’m gonna have to lie down if you keep doing that.

Wow, you are a strong swimmer! I like this lifeguard meat. You tasted amazing, but once inside you feel better than anyone else I’ve eaten.

Well, of course you aren’t the first. You’re a strong dude, I couldn’t get you down that easy without practice. And judging by the way you feel now, I can guarantee you won’t be the last lifeguard!

I almost wish I didn’t have to digest you; keep you thrashing around in me, but oh well, you know circle of life.

You know what? Fine. Go ahead. I don’t even care anymore. You’ve been pestering me about this so much for so long that now I can’t even take a shit without you trying to convince me to let you take me. It’s exhausting. I guess you win. You happy now? You happy this is how this relationship ends? I only stuck with you for so long because I knew you’d eat me if I broke up with you, but now I don’t even know that you’ll wait for that. So c’mon. Gobble me up like the monster you are. If I’m nothing but food to you, treat me like food, just get it over with. Right here, right now!

Like what you see? Because I think I’ve got some plans for the delicious stud I’m seeing

Some men say that there’s only two types of men, predators and food, but not him. To him every man is just that, a man. The fact that a man is not merely just food is why they’re such a delicacy to him. The soul and conscious and purpose is the very reason why he devours them with such passion. Nobody was destined to be eaten until chosen by him. And now he has chosen you. Don’t try to argue your worth and attributes in order to escape his fleshy prison, those things are the thrilling details that make you his favorite delicacy. Just accept the turn of events and he’ll treat you well as you slowly melt to become one with him. Have a nice trip poor stranger, you’re his alone now.

Like the treacherous sirens of Greek mythology, I couldn’t help but feel drawn to him. Like a moth to a flame I couldn’t help but fixate on his body and my imagination running wild, no matter how I tried to distract myself, but at the end of the day, he was a friend of a friend and therefore off limits. To be fair, maybe those metaphors aren’t fair, when in reality I’m the one who presents the danger to him, but standing there, seeing him there, it didn’t feel that way. To me the temptation he presented was one of the strongest and thus most dangerous forces known to man. Resistance was growing more and more futile as I fantasize what he must taste like. I knew that besides a brief struggle from him there was no one out at sea to save him, but what would my friend think? If two men leave on a boat and only one comes back, sporting a large squirming belly, well that doesn’t leave too much plausible deniability. But then again, maybe your friend curated this on purpose. Afterall, he knew I was a predator and he could see I had my full set of abs for a while. Maybe this is his way of taking care of this guy without having to order a hit verbatim. Maybe he’s doing me a favor. Maybe I’m doing him a favor by tanking this guy. Here I am concerned about offending him by eating his friend, when really I should be worried about the offense called by refusing his gift. When I get to the shore he’ll probably act disapprovingly to add plausible deniability on his end, but I’ll know what the purpose of this two person cruise with strangers really was. I hope you like the acid bath, blue brief boy. This little boat excursion is a one-way trip.

Kevin Baker

What do you mean, you don’t know how you feel about this? Look at him! He’s practically begging for you to eat him. You think he started boiling himself for himself? It’s for you, sweat enhances the flavor, but if you want to pass up the finest — fine. This is for the best anyways; to tell the truth I started making my own plans for him.