That One Time Freshly Lazarused!Jason Todd Apparently Got Put In Charge Of New Jersey

That one time Freshly Lazarused!Jason Todd apparently got put in charge of New Jersey

BABY

Damien Wayne arrived at the manor with the exact same energy as Dwight Schrute. Those quotes came directly out of Damien’s mouth

Damien, on his first day at school: ‘We need a new plague’

Being introduced to family traditions:‘Nostalgia is truly one of the greatest weaknesses…second only to the neck’

Being introduced to Dick: ‘All you need is love? False. The four basic human necessities are air, water, food and shelter’

Commenting on his favourite fighting techniques: ‘The eyes are the groin of the head’ and more concerningly, ‘I never smile if I can help it. Showing one’s teeth is a sign of submission in primates.’

Upon finding Tim, recovering in the medbay: ‘Blink once if you want me to pull the plug’

Defending the position of Robin: ‘R is amoung the most menacing sounds, that is why it is called murder and not muckduck’

Young Dick Grayson breaking both his legs on patrol attempting a complicated flip on ice bravely fighting bad guys but still being forced to attend galas in a wheelchair so just showing up in increasingly elaborate ways of mobility

Random Socialite trying to have a normal conversation: So, I heard your ward was in an accident. How is he?

Brucie Wayne: Oh you know, not happy being stuck inside all the time but we’re finding ways to get through it :)

*Cue Dick wheeling up in some sort of vaguely elephant shaped monstrosity, cast legs strapped to the sides with no clear means of steering or propulsion*

12 year old Dick: hi :)

Brucie: :)

Random Socialite:

From that point on it just gets completely out of control. Every weekend Dick is spotted in some new contraption: a race car, a hobby horse, a rocket - he’s driving around stealing the show. Bruce is just happy he’s actually easy to keep track of now, and the kidnapping rates have gone down dramatically since he’s strapped to at least 50 pounds of metal at all times.

Years later when Jason is in a similar situation he thanks whatever higher power is out there Bruce donated the chairs to charity so he doesn’t have to be wheeled about in a glorified trundle truck.

Dick gets doxxed when he offers one to Babs ‘as a joke’ (completely seriously)

Dick Grayson is his universes Ryan Reynolds when it comes to making straight men question their sexuality.

This man knows his audience 😭