A Softer Stage Of Heartbreak

A softer stage of heartbreak

this stage of heartbreak is softer than i remember. which is to say i have run out of tears weeks earlier than usual. the fits of sorrow more violent this time around. sob sessions on weekend mornings missing you. fighting the urge to call. panic attacks in locked bathroom stalls because hadent you promised?

but it is over now. and the edges of my broken heart are softer. less jagged. not shattered just, broken.

i can catch your eye without having my heart skip a beat. but sometimes i think that when we lock eyes that that beat of my heart belongs to you. for only a moment. before i smile quickly, glance away.

did you know i can do that now? look away. walk away. i can walk away and not look back. have my thoughts drift away from you by the time i turn the corner...most of the time.

your voice and name do not evoke summer sautls from my stomach. instead fond memories dipped in regret and baby blue sadness.

i still wish on eyelashes for you though. but sometimes i wish for myself now too. sometimes i wish just to be happy. and sometimes when i wish this i do not even think of you.

I broke a heart once

Twice

A few times

It is not what one might expect

Because most assume to break a heart

Means that you do not have one

That you have forgotten how to care for a delicate thing of that nature

But this is not true

To break a heart is to be reminded

That you do in fact have a heart

Feel it mirror each facture a thousand times over

And know that you caused this ache

I do not expect your pity

Nor your mercy

Do not ask you to forgive or forget the pain

But perhaps

Promise me you will try to be happy

In the way I could never make you

Promise me that you will not avoid eye contact in the halls

Smile like I am no one

That you will not change your seat on the bus

Sit next to me like I am stranger, far from perfect

Erase every trace of me

Every photo, email, sweater

Tell me that the light no longer refracts the shards of you that still cling to me

Tell me that you saw my blood sacrifice soaked sheets

That were a result of long sleepless nights being nicked by every last peice of your broken heart caught in my blankets

And threw them away

That you healed yourself and did not need me to do it

Tell me that you are happy

And I had nothing to do with it

But I suppose

I deserve no such redemption

And so I will sit here

With the ache of two people

Who never meant to break a heart

~When beauty is in the eye of the beholder ~T.R.

And perhaps the only beautiful thing left in this life is the way a heart is broken. The way it refuses to let light pass through it peacefully any longer. Refuses to be looked past anymore. The way it fractures. Cracks. Shatters. The way it becomes a broken glass mosaic. The way the light now refrects off it and blinds every eye. Intices every hand to come closer and run fingers along its jagged and scared surface. Watch the dripping blood stain the broken heart sea glass red. See the light, enjoying every moment it dances with the shattered glass, and the shards of the heart, they learn to love it too.

~ Why people fall in love with heartbreak~ T.R.

When the shooting star is gone and the night is dark again, all you have left to hold on to is the faith that your wish was heard

~Excuses for missing you

When you notice the dozens of likes, just know that 1. Yes I have been at this a while, 2. It is your fault for writing so captivatingly, 3. I adore every thing you have written and will continue to bombard you with likes. Have a great day.

I--i'm crying? Not even joking im in the cafeteria trying to discretely dab at tears. Thank you. Holy crap. This means so much to me...honestly. Its nice to have people like my pieces but to have someone take the time to tell me or have the dedication or enjoy my work enough to come back consitantly, it means the world. Thank you. So so so much. Wow for a writer im not being very eloquent. Thank you. 💞