I Wanna Make It Clear That While I Check My Posts Multiple Times Before Posting, There Could Always Be

I wanna make it clear that while I check my posts multiple times before posting, there could always be spelling or grammar mistakes or even words used wrong or weirdly.

I have a learning disability [it's called Specific Learning Disability on my paperwork, lol], as well as being autistic and ADHD. So keep all of that in mind if you see mistakes in my posts. Also, if you are polite about it, do feel free to correct me.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it)

[TW: Death and shit that comes with that, idk maybe more? If you find any more things that should be in this trigger warning pls tell me.]

Also, shit is happening in my life rn. I recently [on September 11th] lost my cousin, she died and we aren't sure how exactly yet. So, yeah. Death is fucking weird and I don't think I process it normally (AuDHD). So I may end up not posting for a while or might end up posting like every day.

Just sharing so ya'll know what's going on if I disappear for a while [even though I would likely do that even without this shit happening].

We aren't sure when the funeral thing is happening yet, I slightly hope it's soon so I can see my family, I don't live by that side of the family, sadly. Probably gonna end up missing like a day of college, but whatever, my family [my pack] is more important to me.

My cousin left behind a son. He is a kid. He's younger than I was when my mom in this life died. [I was like 16 when that happened, and I won't be sharing how old my 2nd cousin is]. So I really wanna see that side of my family, so I can try and be there for him. He's gonna need people there for him, and if I could without getting in trouble, I would drop out of college rn to be around him while he is going through this. (Protective wolf/dog instincts?)

There's just a lot of shit going on rn with my life, I wish it would stop for a bit.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/xe/ze) :((

[We is referring to my family, btw]

I'm a bit bored, I should probably work on English class work, but my brain says no, and I have no real control, lol.

Anyways, fictionkin shit, this is gonna be talking about my biological parents as Zuki, so there will be trigger warnings. All of this is just to do with my life as Zuki, I have problems with my parents here, but not as bad.

Tw: hinted at sexual assult not said by name but still, physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, child abuse, bullying, scars, burning/fire, and maybe more? Idk if there's anything to add, let me know.

My bio father as Zuki was a horrible abusive asshole. He was not the first guy to get my bio mother pregnant [as my old sibling is my half-sibling from my mom]. He told my mother that if she just had one kid with him, then he would be "happy" (not his actual words but whatever). So I was the kid that came from this "agreement".

But when I actually got the first part[s] of my quirk at the age of 4, which included wings (which came from my sib's bio father pretty much, it's hard to explain exactly), he was fucking pissed but couldn't do anything cause my mother did what he wanted, she had one kid with him (just not the kid he wanted).

At the age of 7, the other part of my quirk came in. Which is/was essentially the ability to "drop" my body and become a "spirit," I guess you could say. It freaked people out, causing a lot of bullying and shit. Anyways, that just made my bio father [I hate calling him that, but whatever] hate me more.

He was always "aggressive" and abusive, I mean, he didn't get physical to me until I was around 5 or so. I also couldn't actually speak until I was at least 7, and then it was about at a like 2 year old level, basically. Anyways, he got physically abusive towards me when I was like 5, but he was always verbally and emotionally abusive towards me.

When I was like 11, my bio father got put into jail cause my old sib got into UA and told Aizawa about him and shit. I was happy that I was "free" from abuse [I wasn't really, but I was at least free from him].

My bio mother had an alcohol problem and would drink a whole lot. She wasn't really ever physically abusive when I was younger. But after my bio father got put in jail, it actually seemed to get worse with her towards me. Idk why exactly, but I believe it had to do with me kinda looking like my bio father and also my bio mother (she definitely had problems with self image and took it out on me).

My old sib didn't see the abusive side of our mother at all. They were the favorite child, they didn't look as much like our mother, I guess. They had seen only the loving side of our mother, which I knew existed but rarely saw when I was alone with her.

I always had a hard time admitting that my mother was abusive and shit. To me, it was deserved cause I was an unwanted pup that she was forced to have and care for. She still wasn't typically physically abusive.

When I was like 12 or 13, my bio mother left me alone in the house. She had slapped me to the ground before fully leaving as I was quietly "screaming" for her to not leave me. My older sib never knew this. As far as they knew, our mother was just really busy with hero work [I forgot to mention that both of my bio parents were heroes]. The only time our mother would be at the house is if I had called or texted her about my old sibling wanting to see her and shit. Then she would come home and act like everything was fine and that she still lived there and took care of me.

That went on until I was like 15, it was my second year in high school [another reminder that UA is a college and I was 18 in my canon]. My bio mother had been in a bad villain attack and was at the hospital and would never do hero work again and would have to be in the hospital for a while (years). After that happened, my old sib ended up becoming my legal guardian and shit.

My old sib was pretty busy with hero work since they were pretty much just starting out with their hero career. They asked Izuku's mom [Auntie Inko as I called her] to look out for me a lot, as she already was, and because me and Izuku were childhood friends who were re-becoming friends again.

Pretty sure if Auntie Inko had the full ability to support another child legally and shit, she would've adopted me. I was not an easy pup to deal with, though. I was very suspicious of her kindness and would fight her [I bit her a few times cause of being fearful and shit, I really regret that and shit]. I was sure that she would abandon me as well one day, of course this never happened [think of the moment in the movie Bolt where Mittens is talking about how "Penny is fake" that was kind of how I was with Izuku and his mom at first].

Anyways, Auntie Inko ended up basically being my parent until I got adopted by Dadzawa and Papamic.

I'm gonna go into a bit more detail, but not too much detail about my bio father's abuse now.

His quirk gave him wolf claws [not necessarily always out, but he kept them out almost all the time] that were able to use some of the elements (fire, water, etc. I guess) to hurt. It's kinda hard to explain rn, but basically, he could have his claws on fire [I use that example cause it was his favorite].

He would use his "fire claws" on me a lot when he wanted to hurt me. He burned me a lot with them, I had so many scars from him doing this a lot. I had one scar across my face that I got from one of those times that I hid with makeup for a long time. Eventually, I gave up hiding it, and when my friends asked about it, I would say it was old, and I just used to cover it up.

His abuse in this way made me very cautious around fire and shit [so yes I was very cautious and scared when Todoroki first started using his fire but I of course never said anything cause I was not about to discourage his use of his fire]. Fur and feathers don't really go with fire anyway, so yeah.

Idk if there's anything else I want to say but at least for right now, this is good. Sorry for 2 vent(?) posts back to back.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/hx/it)

My college had a club rush thing [where the clubs have tables and you can sign up for them]!!!! And there was an art club table with stickers!!!!! There were a lot of MHA ones!!! These are just some of the ones I got and decided to put on my laptop!!

I know people [irl, not people who see this post, lol] are probably gonna think a lot of negative things about me because of this, but at this point, idc.

Anyways, I hope everyone has a good day!!

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/hx) :3c

{My pronouns do kinda "shift" in the way of I like some more one day and others the next, today my preferred ones are what are in the parentheses. They/them is always preferred.}

I have been really going through it with bad memories from my life as Zuki lately, lol.

So, instead, I wanna share some good memories I have so I can balance out the bad.

Since I was like an older sibling to Izuku, I would let him help me preen my wings and shit, which is a thing for mostly family [and mates]. He was one of the only ones that I allowed to do this for a long time. Eventually, others from Class 1A got added to the list of people who were allowed to even touch my wings, let alone preen them. Hikari, my queer platonic partner, was the second person who I allowed to preen my wings [of my class], we may not have been romantic, but they were still my mate. Hitoshi was the third cause he was my little brother, legally this time, lol. Toshi was the least likely to ask to preen my wings though, even after getting permission to ask, I would usually have to ask him if he wanted to help for him to feel like he could, lol [it did come from his trauma though so it's ok, love you bro]. I allowed Denki to touch my wings and tail cause it would help with his ADHD sometimes, which mood I would play with my own tail to help my ADHD, lol. There are others, but these are the ones I feel like sharing rn.

Bro, I remember hanging out with the "girls" [I use quotes cause not everyone identified as a girl/woman]. We would have "girl's night," which once again not everyone identified with that gender but it's pretty much what we would call it, lol. It was fun. We would paint each other's nails. The ones who knew makeup and shit would help those who wanted to learn. And we would just talk about shit. I miss these "girl's nights" so much.

I miss the game nights we would have as a whole class. We had to ban some games cause of how people got, lol. Monopoly was the first one to be banned, lol. We would play Uno the most, even though people got very competitive [*cough* Bakugo and me mainly *cough*]. We also had to ban truth or dare, and I will not be explaining why, I think it's obvious why. Would you rather and never have I ever were allowed though, lol.

Dadzawa and Papamic would take me, Eri, and Toshi to do fun activities, such as arts and crafts, go trick or treating, and other fun shit, lol. I would usually end up carrying Eri at some point cause she loved to be carried, and it helped with my protective instincts, lol. I would usually wrap my wings around her while holding her, and she loved it. If someone who is good at art would draw that for me, I would love it [I don't have money rn so I'm not gonna commission anyone right now, but I might when I get enough money, lol].

I would never have described myself as good with kids, and I would say that I wasn't a lot. My friends and family tended to disagree with me there. They would bring up how good I was with Eri, Kota, and a kid who is not canon. But I would bring up in response that they were all traumatized kids that I latched onto in a sibling way mainly but also cause I saw bits of myself in them and didn't want them to not have someone. Other kids I was definitely not good with. I would say I'm not really good with kids in this life, even though at the church I am forced to go to, I help with the kids, lol. Kids are kinda weird.

I remember Remo, my service dog, and despite the fact that I had been so fucking upset that I needed another being/creature with me to function, I loved him. I remember when I would have him off duty and use my quirk to become a little wolfdog with wings spirit thing and play with him, lol. I also used that to play with Hikari, whose quirk let them become certain animals, lol. It was very fun to do these things and I miss being able to do that.

I really miss everyone. I miss my life as Zuki. I miss my pack. I miss my wings. I miss my tail. I miss my ears. I miss my sharp teeth. I miss my claws. I miss being Zuki physically.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/xe)

Been thinking about my life as Zuki a lot lately, so I'm gonna share some more shit about it. This is gonna be a long ass post, lol.

Class 1A was really close in my canon. We were a family [I would use the word pack]. There were 21 of us originally (everyone from the "actual" canon minus Mınət@ who didn't exist as far as I know, lol, and me and one other noncanon 'character' who's name is Hikari Kubo-Mori).

More stuff about how I got along with some other Class 1A students below

A bit after the dorms became a thing, Hitoshi Shinso joined our class. Now, I was always a bit of a 'nerd' when it came to quirks, lol. [Me and Izuku loved to analyze quirks together cause it's very interesting and just awesome to know more about quirks, lol.]

Anyway, I was very into quirk analysis, and Hitoshi's quirk was something that was very interesting and didn't really scare me (guess it comes with having a quirk that scared others and shit). So Hitoshi and I became friends pretty quick after they joined Class 1A cause I was also way more 'into' making friends at that point, lol. [I was also a part of the "I didn't come to make friends" club at first, lol]. Then, a bit later, I got adopted by Aizawa and Present Mic, who had adopted Hitoshi before me, so we became siblings.

I don't know why exactly I brought up Hitoshi first, besides the fact that he's my brother. But I'm gonna be moving on to others now.

Bakugo Katsuki, Izuku Midoriya, and I were all childhood friends. We were actually pretty close before Bakugo got his quirk, I got mine, and Izuku didn't get a quirk. [I'm not really going to go into the whole thing. Just know that for a while, none of us were really friends].

I re-became friends with Izuku at the end of our last middle school year (reminder that in my canon UA was a college type thing). Shit had happened before that made me realize shit. [I was never a bully, but I also never stood up for Izuku like I should've, I had my "reasons," but idc they were kinda dumb and shit but I was a dumb pup at the time].

A bit after the dorms happened, Bakugo found me on the roof of the dorms [don't go there, I liked it cause it was quiet and I could feel the wind on my wings and shit] and asked me a few questions that kinda suprised me at first. The main thing was asking about how it's like with a service dog, how to get over the feeling of not being good enough cause of needing a dog to help, how to deal with others when it comes to service dogs, and stuff like that. Turns out that in a session with Hound Dog, a service dog was suggested to Bakugo because of the training camp and everything. I told him the truth that I still had difficulty with all of the things that having a service dog brings/causes but that I loved Remo so much and was greatful to him. Me and Kats became friends again after that (I called him Kats because when I was younger [and could speak, so I was at least 7], I had trouble with his name so I called him Kats instead).

If you notice, I use both Bakugo and Kats for him, and that's cause I did then as well, lol.

Me and the rest of the Dekusquad that I haven't mentioned already [who I have mentioned already is just Izuku and Hitoshi].

The Dekusquad was mainly known to be: me, Midoriya Izuku/Deku, Uraraka Ochako, Iida Tenya, Todoroki Shouto, Asui Tsuyu/Tsu, Kubo-Mori Hikari, and Shinso Hitoshi [last names then first names]. Though we also had Yaoyorozu Momo, Tokoyami Fumikage, and Aoyama Yuga.

Some people I use last names more and some I use first names more. It's mainly based on how close I was to them specifically and which is easier for me. Like with Momo, it's easier with her first name than her last name, lol. But it's easier for me to use Tokoyami rather than their first name.

Now, with the Bakusquad, lol.

The Bakusquad was: Bakugo Katsuki, Kirishima Eijirou, Kaminari Denki, Sero Hanta, Ashido Mina, and Jirou Kyouka.

I already talked about Kats. So, with the rest of the Bakusquad, I was pretty close with all of them. I was not as close to Sero, not for any reason, I just didn't hang with him a lot.

Despite being close to Jirou, I tend to use her last name cause it's easier for me, lol. Same with Kiri.

Mina and Denki were the first of the Bakusquad to give me permission to use their first names, which is what I mainly use for them.

It terms of the overall class [not including Izuku and Bakugo ofc], the first one to give permission for their first name/a nickname to be used to me was actually Hikari, the second is ofc Tsu.

There are definitely people I didn't mention here. It's not cause of any reason, I've just already gone on for a while, so this is it for this post for now. I'll probably reblog if I want to add anything later, lol.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/hx)