When I Once Again Remember That I Need To Go To Therapy In This Life. But Because I Still Live With My

When I once again remember that I need to go to therapy in this life. But because I still live with my dad and older brother [I am only 19 before you say anything and am also disabled in multiple ways] I would likely be forced into or "recommended" a Christian therapy place when I am not a Christian (my dad and brother do not know that and they won't until I move out).

This is why I don't see a therapist rn, pretty much, lol. I need to find one, though, and would really like one that will understand and accept my alterhumanity/nonhumanity and shit.

Random little rant/vent? Not really a vent, but idk what to call this

Second poem to post.

Tw/cw: abuse but not named. Nothing else I can think of but let me know if you find anymore.

Another canine/dog related poem.

Trying something different with the read more thing being after the title of the poem.

I love like a dog

I love like a dog

Always going back

To people who hurt me

Cause that's what I

Was taught that love is

I love like a dog

Always letting people

I love hurt me

Cause that's what I

Was taught that love is

I love like a dog

Always waiting for

People to hurt me

Cause that's what I

Was taught that love is

I love like a dog

I hurt the people

I love just the same

Cause that's what I

Was taught that love is

I have like nothing to add. Just mash face like cat.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/xe)

genuinely fucked up that if i want to interact with someone online i have to say words and have a conversation instead of just mashing my face against them like a cat

I mostly try and stay off of Tumblr too much when I'm age regressed cause I never know what I'll see cause not everything is tagged well and stuff.

However, I am on rn while regressed, lol. I wanna talk about memories [happier ones] to do with agere in my life as Zuki.

While I am very much in a partly regressed partly not most of the time in this life, I could fully regress most of the time in my life as Zuki.

When I was regressed, I liked to be called pup by a few people that I gave permission to. Dad and pa had permission as did Toshi and Zuku. Also Kari and Kats, lol.

Kats rarely called me pup though and it wasn't around others really, reputation or something like that, lol.

Being called pup always helped me with regressing as well, so it was pretty much just used when I was already regressed or wanting or needing to regress, lol.

Dad would be able to tell when I needed to regress even if I said I didn't want or need to, lol. He would usually call me pup when he noticed, and then I would regress almost instantly. Sometimes, I would say I wasn't little when I was regressed, lol.

Pa had a harder time seeing through my lies or whatever you wanna call them, lol. But was very great when I was regressed and he knew about it.

Zuku had an even easier time knowing this stuff than dad did cause he knew me longer and stuff. The first person to know about my regression and one of my favorites to go to.

Toshi, like pa, had a hard time knowing this stuff. But was amazing when he took care of me when I was little.

Kari knew almost as much as Zuku, lol. Kari also regressed sometimes [as did Zuku and Toshi and some others], so that helped. They were one of the ones I loved being around best while regressed, but all the ones mentioned are the best ones I loved being around, lol.

Kats knew a little less than Zuku but about the same as dad. He was also cool to be around while I was little, although you probably wouldn't guess that, lol.

This is all I'm gonna mention rn, so yeah.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/xe) :3c

DUDE YES PREENING!!

I made a post about that a bit, lol. Yeah, it's very much a pack thing! At first, only very few people were allowed to touch my wings at all, lol. Eventually, more people were added to that list, but the list of people who could actually preen my wings was still pretty small (around 6-8 people I think), lol. It's a very intimate thing, it's a pack thing, it's special.

I really consider/considered my whole class as my pack, but not everyone was in the same "category" of what they could do, if you get what I mean. Like not everyone was given permission to preen my wings and not everyone could suprise me with hugs or any touches without getting bit or something [very, very few people were in this category, mostly cause I got used to the little noises and shit they would make/do when they were about to touch me, lol. So it wasn't fully a suprise and shit.]

Also yeah looking at the actual canon for MHA, it's pretty fucking bad for my pack. I mean, we all had trouble and shit in my canon, but considering my canon didn't have the actual war and shit, it wasn't as bad in some ways. So it's nice to know that I was there for my pack as they were there for me.

Dude, I miss being able to fly. I also have to have a fear of heights in this life, sadly.

I really didn't learn how to fly until after the dorms were made at UA, lol. To be fair, I didn't really have anyone to properly teach me about flying with my wings when I was younger. My older sibling would've had to be the one to do that, and they were busy a lot when it would've been the time to teach me really, and they had to learn on their own so they weren't thinking about having to teach me, lol. I was lucky that I had Hikari [another noncanon being] to help me cause they also had wings and shit. Though their wings were of a different type [my wings were that of like a crow, and I can't quite remember what type of bird their wings were like.] They were still one of the best in helping me with learning to fly.

I don't mention much about my quirk, except for my wings, ears, and tail, lol. But the other "part" of my quirk let me essentially become a spirit like thing, which with that my form was a wolfdog with wings, lol. I could fly just fine in that form, just not in my "normal" form for some reason. Idk why that is exactly, but whatever.

It's missing my pack hours, lol.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/ze) :3c

Edit: fixed a mistake/typo

Hello, I decided to come say hi and shit in an ask, lol.

I'm not good at starting conversations, but I would like to hear about any alterhuman or nonhuman experiences or memories or anything that'd you'd be willing to share!

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it) | a fellow noncanon MHA being/creature :3c

aaa hihi!! good to hear from you, i definitely feel you on the 'bad at starting conversations' lol!

the first thing that comes to mind a memory of playing video games with Tomura and Shuichi. I wasn't very good at it, but it was good bonding and i loved playing with them. I would only play the 'silly' games like Mario Kart or Smash Bros, they got too into the 'serious' ones for me. I finished in last place every time lmao, so i mostly spent my time teasing whoever was in second place. Dabi would sit with us too sometimes, either lazily scrolling on his phone or bothering the three of us, trying to help whoever would give him the most attention lol. The others joined in sometimes too, Himiko and Jin and rarely Sho and Toshi if they were hanging out. Himiko would shriek excitedly and bump us while Jin cheered her on and cursed her out. It was good.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to ramble lol!! Feel free to share any memories/thoughts you have :D

Thanks for the help! I'll check out that website when I get the chance!

I know I have trauma that really affected me, I just have a hard time with knowing how much and shit.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/hx)

Random, but can any systems/plural beings talk about how they figured out that they are plural?

DID, OSDD, endo, etc. Any version of systems or plurals

I have questioned DID or something similar to just myself and 1 or 2 friends irl before. I'm unsure if my trauma was "enough" or happened at "the right time" or whatever to be able to cause a dissociative disorder.

If anyone has any websites or similar things to suggest to help me, pls send me them.

I mostly try and stay out of plural/system things cause once again I am unsure if I am one in any way. And to go into a community that I am not sure I am in feels off.

Using I/me/my/etc. sometimes feels wrong, and we/us/our/etc. feel right even if just referring to "me." But sometimes I/me/my/etc. feels fine/right, so idk.

Please give me advice or at least share your experiences if you're able/willing to. Thanks

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/hx) [if I find out I'm a system/plural in some way, this sign off thing will probably be changed around].