Autistic Joy - Tumblr Posts
Ain’t nothing better than printing and stapling a fanfic u wrote
I needed this right now. I have so many interests and opinions some people find “problematic,” but they literally keep me going. I adore the book Darling Girl, Disney World is a safe haven for me, and Netflix is my second home. Our lives are so immeasurably short, so why waste time telling others people how to live them? Consume the media you love in the ways that keep you on this Earth, not because you’re lining some billionaire’s pockets, but because life is difficult and terrible at times and we all deserve to feel the happiness that comes from our favorite things.
“Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional” Walt Disney
This may be controversial but if someone has a ‘problematic’ special interest you do not get to tell them to just stop having it.
There are many, MANY autistic people who simply cannot do that. Maybe incapable or maybe would be depressed and have meltdowns. If someone is enjoying something in the comfort of their own home? Shut the fuck up.
You can criticise them if they buy merch and support the creator, if it’s a piece of media. You can criticise them if they refuse to acknowledge why it’s problematic. You can criticise them if they refuse to listen to people’s boundaries on the subject. But you do NOT get to order them to simply stop having it as a special interest.
It’s ableist, and it’s low-key a form of aspie supremacy. Some of us have symptoms that impact our lives more severely. Some of us are incapable of simply dropping a special interest. Like, I couldn’t stop thinking about Skyrim even if I desperately wanted to.
We, as Neurodivergent Society, do not talk enough about the physical pain that comes with a Special Interest ending. Everyone talks about falling into and out of their Hyperfixations, but not many people explain the deep, physical loss that comes with a sustained Special Interest. Probably because most people have Special Interests that last (space, animals, history, etc.), but some of us latch onto a piece of media so tightly we would suffer actual withdrawal if we let go.
The media seeps its way into our pores and attaches itself to every fiber of our beings, it becomes part of us. Facing its mortality feels eerily similar to facing down the death of a loved one. These characters (while we know they aren’t real people) feel real to us. They are our friends, family, protectors, and confidants. We see ourselves in them and cannot fathom the idea that they will not be in our lives forever. They have left indelible imprints on our souls we will carry with us for the rest of our lives.
So, as I run headlong into the final season of Stranger Things and prepare to witness the end of this heroic story, I find myself incredibly emotional. This story has lived in my body for almost ten years. It is a permanent part of me. I’m not quite ready to let it go yet. Thankfully, I have some time to prepare, but I will still bawl like a baby as the credits roll, watching the nightmare finally end. Stranger Things has carried me through the darkest times in my life and taught me more about myself than any doctor ever could. I know it may be difficult to understand, especially if your brain doesn’t work like mine, but I urge you to try. Special Interests are all-consuming fires that fuel us from the inside—we need them to survive. So the next time someone in your life is crying over their show, video game, book series ending, remember this: They’re mourning their homeland.
An excerpt from a Fic I wrote a while ago centering on Autistic!Mike. I wrote it from my perspective as a late-diagnosed female who found euphoria and purpose from this one little word. I hope you take the time to read it and understand the life-changing power of diagnosis. Autism is not a tragedy. Rather, it is a difference in the Human Condition that deserves celebration.
"Hey…Will, I almost forgot. I need to tell you something important". Will immediately flinches awake and startles, scanning the room for threats.
"What? Is something wrong? Are you okay?"
"No, nothing's wrong," Mike assures him, running his hand down Will's cheek. Embarrassment and shame course through him. He wishes Will’s nervous system didn’t overreact this way. He speaks quietly and clearly, emphasizing his words. "I'm okay. We’re safe.” Will leans into Mike’s touch and anchors himself in the present. He is safe, Mike is safe, and they are together. His eyes slip closed as he takes a few steadying breaths. He then shifts to his side to see Mike better, turning on the small lamp on the nightstand and propping himself up on his elbow. Mike looks anxious. Tears prick the corners of his eyes as he stares at the ceiling. Will places his hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder.
"Hey, whatever it is, you can tell me, okay?” he reassures Mike. “I won't be mad. We'll work through it together. You know how much I love you.” Will's words ease Mike's anxiety. Here goes nothing.
"I talk to Robin a lot–just like you–but we don't just talk about boyfriends. We…we talk about…other things, too.”
"What kinds of other things?" Will probes. Mike swallows hard.
"We…we talk about…fuck, this is tough….about my…my brain.” He can't believe he said it. Will is even more confused. His brain? What about his brain? The last time he checked, Mike's brain was perfect. Why does this involve Robin? Mike cannot make eye contact. Will eyes stare directly into his soul. If he looks back, he will lose his sanity. His hands white knuckle the sheets–anything to ground himself.
"My brain is…different from most people's.” Mike’s not sure how to explain this without sounding completely insane. “I have difficulty connecting with people and holding on to relationships. I'm blunt and straightforward, and people think I'm rude. That's why making friends is hard for me. People don't understand how to interact with me.” The words are slow and halted, forced out like a reluctant child. Will hangs on every one. He has yet to see the whole picture but will keep listening until he does. Mike continues as bile creeps into his throat.
"I also struggle with change. I need routine and structure; it keeps me safe. When that structure changes, it takes me longer to adjust. Like when you and El moved away, or Max joined our Party.” Words come faster now. He’s held this pain inside for too long. “I don't understand why things change and how everyone moves on while I'm stuck in this perpetual loop. I get scared that everything will change because one thing is changing, and it’s too much to handle. I don't want to be hostile, but my brain tells me to protect myself. Routines also help me not feel overwhelmed by the world. Everything is loud…and bright…and fast. It's terrifying.” Tears spill out, emotions too much to contain. “If I stick to my routine, some of that stuff fades into the background. But as soon as it changes, that all comes rushing back in. My body shuts down, and I can’t stop it. I lose control, and it's scary, Will. It's…It's so scary!"
Mike breaks down and rolls into his boyfriend’s waiting arms. Will is dumbfounded. He had no idea. How has Mike survived this long? He rubs deep circles into Mike’s back, attempting to ground him. He wishes Mike had told him sooner. He would have helped him through it, been there for him when it was all too much. How did he miss it? Something so central to Mike's being unknown to the people he loves most. Will's mind drifts back to their childhoods when Mike would fall apart on the floor. Will would hold and rock him until he calmed down–not dissimilarly to what he did last week at the hospital. Then it clicks. Mike is describing those moments. Nights spent on the kitchen floor crying over a scratchy shirt tag or "wrong foods" touching. He got angry because Will canceled plans they made a week ago, even though his PTSD flared up and he was too weak to go out. His head swirles with examples, and each one makes more sense than the last. He holds Mike's face, wiping tears with his thumbs.
"Mike, I understand. I see how scary those moments are for you. I may not feel what you feel, but I see your pain, and that’s enough. You are not broken, and there is nothing wrong with you. Do you understand me?" Mike tearfully nods. "I love you so much, and I am honored that you feel safe enough to share this part of yourself with me. I will always be here to help you, just like you help me. We need each other, and I am so thankful to have you in my life. I do have a question, though. Is there a name for this, and why do you discuss it with Robin? Isn't that something a doctor tells you?"
Mike laughs at Will's innocent questions. "You should talk about it with a doctor, but most don't know much about it. It's called autism, and I talk about it with Robin because she has it, too. She's the one who saw it in me. The first time she explained it…I cried, Will. I had never heard a word describe me so perfectly.” As he remembers the moment, new tears form, and a smile radiates through his body. “It was like…I had a missing piece, and Robin found it. She unlocked me. I finally have permission to be myself. All of these struggles, all of this pain, it's real. It has a name. I've never felt this way, and I want you to know so you can feel it, too. I love you so much, Will.” Autism. Will rolls the word around in his mind. He's never heard it before, but it makes sense. It explains Mike. His bluntness, his temper, his everything. He pulls Mike close and hugs him tightly, tears mingling in their embrace as they celebrate the moment. It is not sad. Instead, it is euphoric.
guys autism is so great because my mom bought me the fancy kind of mandarin orange cups and now im excited to live another day
I love working with hot glue I feel like god in her sandbox
YALL LOOK!!! I GOT THE TTYD REMAKE FOR MY BIRTHDAY I’M SO HAPPY!!!
Like oh my god this is such a big deal for me, I used to watch my uncle play the original version of the game on his silver gamecube when I was a kid and was always fascinated by it, but I never got the chance to play it, even when he’d pass down his GameCube to me, which I still have today, he never gave me his copy of the game (thankfully he gave me melee). It also didn’t help that the game is stupidly expensive secondhand and I haven’t modded any games onto my Wii…yet.
Overtime, I’d hear more about the game’s reception online and I’d feel bad that I never grew up with the game along with many other beloved titles from the GameCube, thankfully this is something I don’t feel anymore and I’ve learned to embrace the mix of obscure and beloved Wii and DS games I grew up with. Which is great, but I still wished to play the game.
Fast forward to last year and I noticed the trailers for the super Mario rpg and paper Mario ttyd remakes (I didn’t watch the direct) I had to double take because I thought they were both fan made trailers but then noticed they were official, I was especially freaking out over ttyd getting a remake cause this would be my chance to finally play the game that I’ve spent half my life wanting to play, along with it being very exciting for a certain muppet. Also the release date was perfect because I could ask for the game as a birthday gift, which came a day before my birthday!!! I’m so happy to finally be able to play this game!!!