Actuallyautistic - Tumblr Posts
There are too many changes, especially bad ones, for the moment... Apparently it make me feel really unsafe and I think I can't do anything about it for now... Plus my toxic "brother" is more present at home, he's often super ableist with me and as much as I try to avoid him, sometimes I can't and just seeing him make me feel sick... I don't want to think about anything negative for now, it just make me feel worse.
What's people expect me to say when they ask :
“What will you do when your mother will be gone?”
Oh I never thought of that, I’ll just stop being disabled then :)
That’s not how it works asshole.
Me : *being more or less forced in a situation where I’ll easily be triggered again and again for months and no one seem to care* This suck, you know ?
My family : Well just get triggered, it’s not like you got a choice ┐( ー_ー )┌
My family : Actually you said you were traumatized but was it really that bad ? I don’t think so.
My family : Actually I think you’re totally wrong about a lot of your own experiences. I believe you were traumatized by something totally different but don’t remember it and never told us about it. All because I don’t believe that you’re autistic and something must have happened to make you not normal.
Me : ...Fuck you :)
Don't you love it when your friends from your old therpies are super proud of you for trying a new flavor of Gatorade and your neurotypical parents don't understand why your friends on call are cheering and so they shame you for being a picky eater in front of said friends /s
am I a bad autistic adult if I voluntarily go to social skills therapy?
i feel attacked
Autistic people be like "omg I tried something new outside my comfort zone!" And they literally just cut their sandwich a different way.
It's like this entire tag reads my mind
What an autistic person says: "How long is it going to take?"
What they mean: "I want to know whether to activate my short term waiting mode where I just wait and do nothing else, or activate my long term waiting mode where I occupy my mind with something else. I fully understand that both are possibilities, and I have no problem whatsoever with either one, but I want more information so I can best adapt to the situation."
What neurotypical people hear: "I am impatient and demand that everything I want happen right now. Please scold me and publicly humiliate me for it."
something i never see anyone talk about is how lonely autism can be. not because we don’t fit in or whatever, but because our love languages are so fundamentally different from the rest of the world.
i won’t always hear it when someone tells me they love me. i won’t always understand it when someone shares a kindness with me. sometimes it hurts to be touched. sometimes i interpret genuine care as mocking or insincere because i’ve been burnt so often, and i have no way of knowing otherwise.
when i spend time in my room engaging in interests i enjoy, but i leave the door open to let my friends come in and out and interrupt as they please, that’s love. when i send someone a long ramble about something i care about, that’s love. when i let someone hug me, that’s love. when i try a food even though it’s not a safe food, because my friend made it and is very proud of it, that’s love. when i take the time to tell you when i need space and that i’ll come back when im able, that’s love.
i don’t think people hear me when i tell them i love them. i don’t know if i can hear others when they say it either. i feel very alone most of the time, like there’s a glass barrier between me and the rest of the world. i can see them mouthing, i love you, i love you, but how can i believe them? they’re nowhere near me. no warmth and no life in it.
something i never see anyone talk about is how lonely autism can be. not because we don’t fit in or whatever, but because our love languages are so fundamentally different from the rest of the world.
i won’t always hear it when someone tells me they love me. i won’t always understand it when someone shares a kindness with me. sometimes it hurts to be touched. sometimes i interpret genuine care as mocking or insincere because i’ve been burnt so often, and i have no way of knowing otherwise.
when i spend time in my room engaging in interests i enjoy, but i leave the door open to let my friends come in and out and interrupt as they please, that’s love. when i send someone a long ramble about something i care about, that’s love. when i let someone hug me, that’s love. when i try a food even though it’s not a safe food, because my friend made it and is very proud of it, that’s love. when i take the time to tell you when i need space and that i’ll come back when im able, that’s love.
i don’t think people hear me when i tell them i love them. i don’t know if i can hear others when they say it either. i feel very alone most of the time, like there’s a glass barrier between me and the rest of the world. i can see them mouthing, i love you, i love you, but how can i believe them? they’re nowhere near me. no warmth and no life in it.
Neurotypical Person: "Just talk to people. Stop being afraid of rejection. The only way you'll fail is if you don't even try. Have some confidence."
Autistic Person: (asks whatever questions they can think of from a prepared list and the conversation ends up being awkward and forced)
Autistic Person: (infodumps about their special interest and gets labeled as annoying)
Autistic Person: (comments on something they observe and gets labeled as judgmental)
Autistic Person: (approaches random people in random places, not realizing that there are some places where people don't expect to be approached, and gets threatened)
Autistic Person: (talks to someone, misses a subtle cue that they want to be left alone, and gets labeled as disrespectful of boundaries)
Autistic Person: (tries to join someone's conversation and gets labeled as an eavesdropper)
Autistic Person: (teases someone as a joke because they've seen that that's how a lot of people interact with each other, not realizing that they don't have enough of a connection with this person to do that, and gets labeled as mean)
Autistic Person: (tries to talk to someone who's already talking to someone else and gets labeled as rude for interrupting, and waiting until they're alone to avoid interrupting isn't an option because that rarely ever happens)
Autistic Person: (approaches someone or faces in their general direction while trying to think of what to say to them, and gets labeled as a creep for hovering or staring)
Autistic Person: (talks to someone too often and gets labeled as clingy)
Autistic Person: (talks to someone, by some miracle it works and this person actually enjoys the conversation, but now they have to do it again and again and again, and they eventually run out of things to talk about or do something wrong)
Autistic Person: "I don't get it. I talked to people. I did exactly what I was told to do. And I didn't say anything sexual, anything gross, anything about death, or anything else that would be considered 'obvious'. But it didn't work. It can't be because I did something wrong, because I followed the advice exactly and so many people insisted that that's all I have to do. There must be something wrong with me. Maybe I'm just unattractive."
Neurotypical Person: "Just talk to people. Stop being afraid of rejection. The only way you'll fail is if you don't even try. Have some confidence."
Autistic Person: (asks whatever questions they can think of from a prepared list and the conversation ends up being awkward and forced)
Autistic Person: (infodumps about their special interest and gets labeled as annoying)
Autistic Person: (comments on something they observe and gets labeled as judgmental)
Autistic Person: (approaches random people in random places, not realizing that there are some places where people don't expect to be approached, and gets threatened)
Autistic Person: (talks to someone, misses a subtle cue that they want to be left alone, and gets labeled as disrespectful of boundaries)
Autistic Person: (tries to join someone's conversation and gets labeled as an eavesdropper)
Autistic Person: (teases someone as a joke because they've seen that that's how a lot of people interact with each other, not realizing that they don't have enough of a connection with this person to do that, and gets labeled as mean)
Autistic Person: (tries to talk to someone who's already talking to someone else and gets labeled as rude for interrupting, and waiting until they're alone to avoid interrupting isn't an option because that rarely ever happens)
Autistic Person: (approaches someone or faces in their general direction while trying to think of what to say to them, and gets labeled as a creep for hovering or staring)
Autistic Person: (talks to someone too often and gets labeled as clingy)
Autistic Person: (talks to someone, by some miracle it works and this person actually enjoys the conversation, but now they have to do it again and again and again, and they eventually run out of things to talk about or do something wrong)
Autistic Person: "I don't get it. I talked to people. I did exactly what I was told to do. And I didn't say anything sexual, anything gross, anything about death, or anything else that would be considered 'obvious'. But it didn't work. It can't be because I did something wrong, because I followed the advice exactly and so many people insisted that that's all I have to do. There must be something wrong with me. Maybe I'm just unattractive."
REBLOG IF YOU'RE EXTREMELY BURNT OUT DESPITE ALSO FEELING LIKE YOU'VE DONE NOTHING WORTHWHILE AT ALL WITH YOUR LIFE!
Preach
love when certain autistic spaces are full of posts about how autistic women are just fundamentally different from autistic men and stuff like hypercorrectness, infodumping, "weird" special interests, bluntness, aggressive meltdowns, low empathy, etc. is all male autism stuff and actually female autists are never like that no us autistic women are all experts at masking in fact we're so good at masking that nobody can tell we're austistic and we all come off as just cute and quirky and overly nice and friendly!! (especially when the post is clearly framing the "male autism" stuff as "cringe" and "gross" and "weird"). and when i say "love" i mean i hate it with a burning fiery passion.
autism is underdiagnosed in women. the medical system has a bias against women. all of this is true. but there is no such thing as "male autism" and "female autism." any autistic trait can present in any gender. autistic women are just people, and like any group of people, we come in all different personality types. same goes for autistic people of any gender. also, bullying autistic people for being autistic doesn't magically become Not Ableist just because the target is a man.
Things neurotypical people do that confuse me.
They’ll say “it’s time to go” so I go outside and stand by the car… I wait….. no one else comes outside.
I go back inside and see that they are still talking to someone, haven’t put their shoes on, decide it’s time to cook a four course meal, etc.
Like… you said it was time to go…. Why are we not going????
Diagrams are helpful to me
This Allism Awareness Month, I got a tattoo to support those struggling with allism!! I have family with allism, so allism awareness is near and dear to my heart!
Grape nuts symbolize allism because even though they’re abundant, bland, and difficult to eat, they still have nutritional value. In the same way, people with allism might be boring and difficult to deal with, but despite their struggles, they can still add value to your life!
People with allism may not act “normal,” but that doesn’t mean they’re not worthy of love! My allism angels light up my life every day, and I only hope one day we find a cure to end their suffering!
new personal account
hi im an autistic adult and my pronouns are he/she
no terfs or bigots.
autistic loneliness
i think one of the worst parts about autism for me is the never ending loneliness or the inability to actually connect with others. i have had so many friendless years in the past and even most of my family dont like me or we just cant seem to connect even if both parties would want to.
i have gotten better at social skills, meeting new people and i mask relatively well and i do think most people find me decent at first and kind but there always seems to be a sort of wall between me and others. i have always felt like i lack something but that it isnt just explained by the lack of social skills but something else.
i think handling all the other problems that come with being autistic, would be easier to manage if this one wasnt one for me. i do think that humans including autistics need community and a close support system and not having that is just awful.
maybe not all autistic people feel this way but i can only speak for myself. i have even met a lot of autistic people and very few have talked about a similar experience but i still seem to feel far away from them. i have always needed a lot of alone time and dont need to be social as much as others (like the amount of social events in a week) but i have always wanted close friends to be in reach. i have this terrible longing for community and closeness and i just never seem to grasp it. its all i hope for.