Bucky Barnes Comfort - Tumblr Posts

upon a different life - james bucky barnes des. barnes never trusted you, not once. but upon a different life, he would. notes. angst/comfort, establishing relationship, slow-burn, enemies-to-lovers, i miss bucky, avengers being siblings (and weak for plot),mentions of violence,

hello! it's my bucky fic! i had a bucky fic back then but I deleted it anyway, this was supposed to be a one part but i got carried away, enjoy barnes knowing you! *i wrote this around 3am so, if i have some mistakes, i'm sorry!!*

(part i) (part ii) | w.c: 3.5k

James Buchanan Barnes is slowly getting used to in living with Avengers and the era he is in, in general, he enjoys the slowly yet steady step to forgive himself and earn forgiveness to those people around him as well familiarizing the more advanced world, but nightmares and remarks of his past action come and go; everyone notices it, especially his friend Steve Rogers, but despite this minor setback, he still move forward because it’s not every day, that you die in the 80s and woke up 75 years later. 

In terms of forgiving, the sergeant doesn’t know if the genius, billionaire, playboy, and philanthropist have forgiven him—it’s not a secret Stark gives the money and sponsor on the compound they live in but despite his hesitation to live with them, Stark still offered him—it might be a silent agreement with Rogers but somehow, Barnes hopes Stark acknowledges how sorry he was. 

But among other things, he wishes he can finally get used to. He finds himself not getting used to you. Even the entire team knows how much James hates you; to you, it’s no secret: you’re his last handler afterall and if the tables are different, you would hate Barnes too. Before Zemo took control of Barnes as Winter Soldier, you were his last boss, a menace actually, you would let him be used. He gets used by someone, you get rich, a simple deal between HYDRA and you. But that changed, when the Winter Soldier regained his memory; with no leverage in making a deal with HYDRA, the Black Widow offered you a place to stay.

It was a nice place, really, a lot nicer than the one you lived in, except, maybe for the fact that you’re still under someone jurisdiction: while the sergeant is able to roam around the city, you keep staring at the wonderful electronic tag in your ankle: in your deduction, you believe that the Avengers are only keeping you alive because of what you know—it’s not even sympathy why the Black Widow offered you stay with them, it’s more of a business. 

From the moment you receive glares from everyone in the room, you know damn well that this is just another business. So, it is indeed a surprise, when the A.I enters your room.

“Ha, did Stark send you to check on me again, Vision?” You asked as the artificial intelligence gave you a look. Despite the team’s lack of enthusiasm with you, Vision, Clint, and Thor are the only ones who seem to talk to you. You have talks with Natasha, Tony, and Bruce as well, but it is more of a business than a talk. 

“No, I was wondering if you wish to join me, Clint, and Wanda to watch Dick Van Dyke, she seems very excited about it.”

“What makes you think she wants me to join you guys?” You asked hypothetically.

Vision nodded as he glanced at your electronic tag. “If it makes you feel better, they don’t really hate you that much. In my defense, I think you only did the things you have done because you want to survive.” You scoffed as you said that. 

“Well, tell that to Sergeant Bar–” but Vision cut you off. “People won’t always use you. The sooner you learn that, the sooner you realize you’re more than just a HYDRA pawn.” You stared at him, as he continued. “At least, that’s what I observed with Sergeant Barnes.”

“Thanks, Vision.” You gave a bland smile, as he left your room. A part of you wants forgiveness, but for someone who learnt life in a hard way, you’re hesitating to give this one a try. Yet for once, a robot was more human than you.

A year after an endless discussion between the Avengers, they decided to remove the electronic tagging and let you roam freely, but still under their jurisdiction. Somehow, Stark and Banner acknowledge your knowledge while the rest give respect to your fighting ways and quick judgment; well, all of them are getting used to you. Well, maybe except for Bucky. Steve told you it takes time, but to your knowledge, it won’t take time because it won’t happen. You accepted the terms that Barnes will not and never forgive you, you don’t blame him though, mostly you blame yourself.

In this scene, you finally learn to adjust, not going out of your room if he was outside, not training–the same time as him, and definitely not talking to him; even a spare glance, felt like a struggling pain of unforgiven lingering. The team respected Barnes more than they respected you, but somehow, it felt like you finally belonged to something. Well, atleast, that’s what you thought.

Their mission to infiltrate HYDRA failed terribly, despite the information you gave them, they weren’t prepared and outnumbered. Despite their failure, they were able to take a hit on HYDRA’s camp, it’s not much but still affected HYDRA. As the quinjet landed on the hangar, the medical team supported those who were injured. A lot of them were, including those who sometimes get out without a scratch.

In the med bay: you saw Clint and Sam—they somehow, took a toll, as you walked further, you saw the entire team taking care of their small cuts, with them helping another, they were able to close the wounds, well, maybe except for the Winter Soldier—or as they call him the White Wolf. On the back of his right shoulder, he was bleeding badly, despite having all the needed things to tend his wounds around him, he sat on the bed feeling out of place, besides it’s only a shoulder wound. 

Due to the lack of people in the med bay, you offered help in the team. As you finished to tend some of the team’s wounds including Rogers’ and Romanoff’s. Your eyes met a struggling Bucky Barnes, grasping his right shoulder with his metal arm. Your footsteps were slow as you walk towards him.

“...Do you need help?” He wanted to say no, everything part of him says no, but as he glanced that there’s no person who can help him in his injury, he nodded. Afterall, you’re also the one who patches him up whenever he gets injured in his missions back then.

You carefully clean his wound as you tend him, you wipe the dirt and the things visible that might infect the wound, as you try to start a talk. “Was it bad out there? In the mission, I mean..” He just let out a grunt, which you expected, but he replied with. “They have three more Super Soldiers and one enhanced, just like Wanda.”

You didn’t respond, just continued stitching his wound. As you finish, you put on some bandages as he asked. “Did you know?” Barnes asked.

“Did you know about the Super Soldiers?” He asked again, for a quick moment, you realized that he is still an assassin, you felt his anger and bloodlust. At that moment, you wish you didn’t work with HYDRA. In truth, you didn’t know where they were but you knew HYDRA didn’t stop making them. But your stuttering left the Sergeant furious even more.

“I–I..” That was the only thing you could say when you suddenly felt his metal hand around your neck, at other times this can be hot and daring, but at this time, you were damn sure that the Sergeant would be able to crack your neck: he could kill you. The team in the med bay immediately sat up. 

“Buck, put her down.” You assumed it was Rogers who was talking to the Sergeant. As it was getting hard to breath, James starts to explain that you knew there were Super Soldiers, in that Rogers asked you. 

“Did you actually know?” Barnes shook you, as you met the Captain’s eyes. “I did.” Before James finally kills, you continue. “I didn’t know they were stationed there.”

If this was a HYDRA facility, they would’ve shot you despite you telling the truth, Wanda nodded, a confirmation that you were telling the truth. Steve asked Bucky to let go of you, with an angered stare, he let go. As you try to catch your breath, you notice some of the bandage of Rogers came off. You reached your hand to help him but a metal hand covered your wrist. 

“Stop pretending to be a good guy, we know you’re глупая игрушка of HYDRA.” He grabs your wrist tighter. “You’re not even part of the team.” That was the last straw, you pulled your wrist away, as you searched for someone to stand with you but all you saw was them looking away from you, even Vision. You nodded as you felt some tears sting. You never actually belonged in the team. Just like Barnes said, a глупая игрушка. 

A stupid toy.

Stark spotted you, making tea in the middle of the night. “So, you’re the one that’s drinking tea.” His voice echoed in the empty kitchen. You nodded as you asked him if he wanted some, as he nodded. “Heard what happened.”

“Of course, you do.” Stark eyed you as you finally sat down and Stark rolled his eyes. “I forgave Terminator a while ago.” You looked at him.

“I know he took everything from me, but, I guess it’s just the way it is…Pepper is really good at convincing , I give her that, well, maybe because we–”

“Are pregnant…?” You asked, in which Stark immediately shook his head and chuckled. “Well, no, but, I just want peace, you know.” 

“That’s a bit out of character.” You commented. “Ah, the secret service have their humor.” The billionaire chuckled. As he glanced at the stair towards the rooms. “You did not know about the soldiers but, the information you gave was really helpful. We can start with that.” As Stark stood up. He added.

“Oh, and next time, make sure you suit up. You can tag along in the mission if you want, secret service.” Stark walked away with a smug smirk. “You sure, they’ll allow me in the field, Mr. Stark?”

“Maybe not. But, we have a higher chance of winning if they don't know what they’re up against.” He said as he left. But, when the morning comes, there’s no trace of you—only the cup of tea you shared with Tony and a room filled with your stuff, as well as, a folder with all of HYDRA’s information and coordinates in sticky notes. As the team assembled, they wondered if you were stolen from them or you were actually planning to betray them a long time ago.

And there’s only one way to find out.

As the Avengers rode the quinjet, Stark drove peacefully as Romanoff shared her side. “Steve, if we do this and see her there, we can’t save them like we did back then.”

“We didn’t save her, Romanoff. We used her…” Steve added. “But, you guys cared for them too.” His eyes fall on Bucky. “Buck, I know this is—”

“It’s a mission. As long as we’re done. I don’t care what happens to them.” James added.

As they reach the base of HYDRA, with the coordinates in the folder, they immediately search for you, but to their mistake, they fall right into a trap. Not even their strongest and the witch was able to see the trap, as they sat and chained in chairs, Natasha cracked a joke.

“This is probably their revenge.” In which none of them find them funny. Especially the guy with a metal arm. As the time passes with the endless blabbering of the man on the computer, lights and warning signs alarmed the area: as the Avengers look for an escape. It was an unfamiliar site, even for Bucky, all of the soldiers on HYDRA are getting deployed, what could possibly be the reason? As the chain, holding the Avengers finally loose, they stood up immediately, they ran in the door meeting you.

“ROGERS?!” You asked breathlessly. They were all confused but much more concerned about the blood painting your entire body. “Oh, it’s not mine.” You said in a smile. “We have to run, quinjet is outside the building.” As the team sprinted outside, surprise to see the number of bodies you took down. 

“You took them all down?” Natasha asked as the quinjet was finally visible. “Ah, yeah. I was raised by them so, nevermind, we have to go.”

It was going so well, but in the escape, a lot of missiles were aimed at the quinjet, as you, Sam, Tony, Wanda, and Sergeant Barnes fought the trailing jet in the back of quinjet, James rode a jet that is about to crash with another, he dodged the explosion but fell unconscious. Without thinking, you jumped out of the quinjet to save his unconscious body, hoping it’s water underneath all the chaos. 

As the cold temperature of water hit you, you swam to get the sergeant’s body. People in quinjet knew what happened, but in the height of the situation, they had no choice but to continue to flee; hope to save the sergeant and you, tomorrow.

The sergeant woke up in a bed made of leaves and an open night-sky. As he familiarize with his surroundings, he saw the heat radiating from a bonfire and you sitting by the shore. It was as if you sensed him.

“You’re finally awake.” You said as you walked towards him; he immediately tensed up. “Oh, right.” you placed the sugarcane on the sand as you sat down. “Tony would probably search for us tomorrow, once the sky is cleared.” You added but he is still weary of your presence. 

“What’re you playing at?” He asked, as you looked at him.

“What do you mean?”

“You being a goody-two-shoes, you know, none of us trust you.” He added finally, grabbing the sugar cane munching it. “And now, you leaving and suddenly appearing at the HYDRA facility, makes you more of a traitor than a help to us, so, what’s really your play?”

“...I want to help—”

“You have a funny way of showing it…” He grumbled as you replied. When you hear him grumble, you grab a swiss knife in your pocket, as you did when he was on guard but then, you place it on the sand and look at him. “I wasn’t there because I wish to betray anyone, I was there because…..” 

You sighed and looked at him. “I wanted to apologize to you. What I did in those years is unforgivable, hell, even I would be angry if I was in your position. I wanted to apologize to you and your family, the one you grew up with. I want to see if HYDRA knows about them, in that way, I can apologize for manipulating Winnifred’s only son and Rebecca’s only brother.” 

Bucky stared at you. “But who am I kidding, it is full of shit..I just really hoped because—I finally felt like I was part of a team. It’s a bit much, right? I was ahead of myself.” You chuckled. As you stare at the sea, you continue. “The swiss knife will be there, do whatever you want with it. Whether you used it for survival or against me, it’s up to you.” You smiled at Bucky.

“This probably will make you hate me even more but it truly means everything, I am really sorry, Bucky.” 

That was the first time he heard you mutter his name. His first time seeing you smile. His first time hearing you say sorry; his first time seeing you.  As the night grew deeper, you fell asleep, except for the guy with a metal arm, he fidgeted with the swiss knife and kept glancing at you. He has you, he can kill you, revenge. With a lot of contemplation; balancing his morals, he stood up, gripping the swiss knife tightly and went to your sleeping body.

He was really thankful that you were asleep.

You watch from upstairs as you see the God of Thunder, the White Wolf, and Captain America struggle with their new phone given by Stark.

“10 Bucks says Barnes will break it.” Sam told you as he stood watching the three as well. “20 Bucks says Odinson will be the one who will break it.” You added; to anyone’s surprise, it was Steve who made the screen crack. 

“Dammit.” Sam muttered as you noticed his suit. “Got a date or something?” Sam just nodded and said something about meeting his sister in the bank, as he left, you called Barnes out. “Sergeant, we’re losing daylight, let’s go.” You said as he ran upstairs, leaving the compound as well, with you next to him. 

He grips the swiss knife tightly, as he walks to your unconscious body as he shakes you awake.  “Hey.” he muttered slowly: “Did you find them? Rebecca, I mean…” In your state, you would have said something random but as you met his eyes, he was just pleading as you nodded, he retracted the knife and handed it to you. 

“Go say your apologies to them then. Bring me to them.” In that he awkwardly smiled but was sincere. “Okay.” As he went to his side on the sand, he then sighed, “It means everything, Thanks for saying that.” With a soft heart, you slept soundly and Barnes did too as the sand felt more like the best bed in town.

As you drive, Barnes asks how you find his family. “It was more of how HYDRA hid it, what surprised me is that—they don’t pick dead bodies up in the 40s?” In that, Bucky eyed you. “What do you mean? I fell of the—”

“If I was like one of the bosses, I would’ve.” Bucky sighed. “It was war back then, it was better to leave them, I guess.” You sighed and acknowledged his explanation. As you two reach Brooklyn, his eyes wander. “First time back in Brooklyn?” he nodded as he explained how different times were. He wasn’t talkative much, but you saw how his eyes lit up when the corners of Brooklyn hit him home. As we reach the cemetery, you glance at the grave.

“This is Rebecca’s and your Mom’s. I couldn’t find anything on your father, I’m sorry.” As Barnes walked out the car with flowers in his hand, you watched him but then he opened your door, “Aren’t you going to apologize to them too?” You smiled and got out of the car, “I did say that.”

We stayed there for a few minutes, as Bucky walked to get something in the car, he heard your voice talking to them as if they were still alive, it felt new to him, this side of you, it’s more warmer than before. He walks cautiously as he slowly hears a bit of your words. “Rebecca and Mrs. Barnes you have an amazing brother and a son.” 

Despite everything and hate lurking in his chest towards you, his painful experience, he was willing to give this forgiveness a shot, because he was a human and not a machine. 

As the two of you drove back to the compound, the silence was now replaced with a calmer one, which Bucky glanced at you. “Something wrong?” He asked you. 

“No, it’s just, I don’t know what we should talk about, I’m still getting used to this too. Food that is warm, going to places that don't require guards, a bit warmer home, and bright home, and a house full of people, still getting used to it, I guess.” You explained.

“Well, me and you are on the same boat.” He added assuring you. The ride back was more of a relaxed one, as you heard Bucky’s stomach growl. “We should eat something.” Before he could protest, you parked the car and you two went inside a diner. 

As you two sat, you kept glancing at the machine on the edge of the table, as you saw Bucky eyeing it as well. “What is it?” You asked him, as he cleared his throat. “A Jukebox.” but your lack of response made him look at you. “You don’t know what—”

You shook your head. “Well, with HYDRA raising me I only know the static radio.” You explained, looking away awkwardly. “Oh, it’s a music box, like a vinyl but you need a quarter to play a song.” He explained as you nodded. “I have a quarter.” As you give him the quarter, he signals you to press a button to play music.  As you two eat a meal in the diner: the low volume of Chet Baker’s I Never Been In Love Before plays, it is safe to say that two people felt more human than before and a lingering warm feeling in their chest. Safe to say, they’ve never been in love before.

⚘ masterlist 1 | 2 | 3

vsego dva prizraka - james bucky barnes des. barnes never trusted you, not once. but upon a different life, he would. notes. angst/comfort, enemies-to-lovers, mention of violence, curse words, idiots-in-love, sharon carter is a meanie here, trauma, torturing and avengers! shenanigans

hello! it's my bucky fic! part ii of upon a different life is here! thank you for supporting it, means a lot! anyway, here's part ii, uh--sharon carter is higkey unlikeable here so, i'm sorry! enjoy loving bucky!

(part i) (part ii) | w.c: 7.8k (got carried away, mb)

As you trace the track of living the endless cycle of you and the White Wolf stumbling in this much different life, James Barnes slowly learns fragments and side of you that were covered during the time in HYDRA’s grasp, don’t get him wrong, part of him still navigating in living and breathing around you but somehow, he doesn’t mind learning more about you, he somehow find himself tangled in your webs: in which he rationalized that maybe the words of HYDRA never left his head or maybe, just maybe, he felt a sense of familiarity with you, a reminder that he wasn’t alone, that in the corners of the Avengers compound, someone understands him.

You, on the other hand, slowly make amends to the people you caused trouble when you were still HYDRA’s living leverage: some of them thanked you for apologizing while some did not take any apologies from you. Despite the hardship of earning people’s forgiveness, a part of you was grateful that the bed was even warmer than before, people actually smiled at you, talked to you, and you built the idea that the world isn’t always red and bruised. 

For another, you finally see the Sergeant that fell off the train in 1945, how his life is ultimately different to the one you previously known, how his attention is relatively closed-knitted with books rather than guns and knives, how his grumpy old gaze was just him being confused, and how his metal arm is for carrying Banner’s stuff rather than a weapon to be used. It is refreshing to see things in a different light, but there’s still a present guilt on how you stole these simple things from the Sergeant, a lingering disgust within you was still present. How you wish HYDRA didn’t use him; how you wished you didn’t use him–despite his given acknowledgement of forgiveness: a terrible little you burns the edge of your mind. Yet, as you meet his eyes while sparring, in missions, in the kitchen, and at night, it keeps you grounded that what you have now is a chance to prove yourself—that you’re more than just HYDRA’s stupid toy.

After a few months of the events of you and Bucky sharing a moment in Brooklyn, you two find each other’s presence more grounding, call it sharing a trauma or trauma-bonding but what is certain, the each of you became each other’s compass in wandering the softer edge of the world.

The mission was executed properly and Tony Stark, being the man he is, decided to throw a party at the compound: with close friends, workers, family, and the Avengers–as the people went through the party, you stayed at the bar and challenged drinks with Yelena and Sam.

Sam and Yelena are on their fifth drink as their visions start to betray them. It was a stupid challenge, really, but it was amusing to join. As you drank your fifth drink, you winced at the bitterness and warmth coursing through your throat. “You two okay…?” You asked, basically indicating that you are still in the right state of mind, body, and soul.

“Absolutely…” Yelena uttered but her words were shaky and unstable as Sam just nodded and tried to sit up straight. In another point of view, it seems like you poisoned the two, but in this challenge: pride was on the line. “You know, you two should take a rest…” 

The Falcon immediately protested his dislike at the idea of taking a rest, but before he could argue, he fell off his chair, causing Yelena to fall as well. “Told you…” You uttered under your breath. As Rhodes and Wanda helped the two go back to their room, you were left alone in the bar as a familiar metal arm tapped the table.

“You finally decided to show up.” Bucky nods and sits on the stool. “I heard that Sam fell flat on his face, so I had to see it.” You shook your head and nodded. “Anything I can get you?” Bucky decided whiskey on the rocks, as he was just taking a sip every now and then.

You asked the White Wolf why he wasn't joining Steve and Thor sharing drinks at the other side of the room, his eyes looking over the God of Thunder and Steve as he just looks back at his drink. “Just not feeling like talking to other people, everyone’s here is so different from the 40s.” You nodded as you sip your drink as well.

“Well, I’m not from the 40s, so, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” you replied as you watched the people having fun. “But I guess, I do get where you’re coming from. I mean, people are actually…talking, not ordering me around.” You chuckled unsure, yet Bucky knew what you meant. 

As you sighed, you looked over at him. “How’s your trip with Peter? I heard the kid practically dragged you around Queens for his project.” A small sigh and smile left James’ lips. “Parker was talking a lot, he introduced me in the corners of Queens, it was nice. But I still choose—.” you continue his words.

“Brooklyn.” You both said in unison, as he nodded. After a while, you two just watch the party in the bar. In the scene of soft music and chattering noises, it was quiet on your side. As if there was another world being built there–a look of adoration of the people around the room is present in the eyes of two former people of HYDRA, call it a look of longing or even hoping; in the back of Bucky’s mind he remembered the days where he dance with girls in the 1940s while you wonder if being in a party means being happy in people’s company.

Bucky was about to say something when he saw people dancing on the dance floor. Despite the uplifting mood, some people swayed to the music, calmly, not out of rhythm but still a form of slow dancing. His eyes darted to you as he saw how intrigued and focused you are in the people dancing.

“First time seeing people dancing?” He asked, as you spared him a look and you nodded. “Would it be weird if I said yes?” Bucky shook his head a ‘no’. He knew what you went through as he took a sip and said: “It’s not weird. But, it’s surprising..”

“Why is it surprising?”

“Well, when you and Natasha went to the ball for an undercover mission, didn’t you two dance with people to blend in…?”

“Oh, the mission in Budapest.” You nodded. “I didn’t dance that night, not once in my life, I think…” He glanced at you, as you asked if he danced. The Sergeant had this nostalgic look in his eyes, as if he tried to remember the soft hands he held as he danced in the 40s. With a last sip of his drink, he had a smug look on his face. “1943. Her name was Connie.” You listened intently. 

He shared the Stark Expo, the memories he has as he danced with Connie before the war. As he grabbed a beer at a nearby table, to his surprise, you’re actually listening to him: He also told how he gave Steve a date that time, a double date, as he mentioned. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe the ambiance, but Bucky couldn’t stop talking to you—especially, when you’re looking at him as if he’s the only person in the world. Listening to him as if the music isn’t filling your ears.

He should not let the soft smile appear, yet he loves this. He loved being listened to. Despite, his demeanor and adjusting behavior around you; getting used with you, he let it slip—he hoped it was the alcohol, god, he hoped it was—he smiled at you, not an awkward one nor a smug one, it is a smile reserved for the times he felt at ease: the smile he had when he stayed at Sam’s hometown, the smile he had when he saw the flying car in Stark Expo, the smile he had when he was saved by Steve, and a smile that made his ears warm when he was dancing with Connie in 1943.

You smiled back, the Sergeant looked so handsome. A pretty man. In the moment, you two are like teenagers down the block or somewhat two strangers finally see each other eye-to-eye. As James ignored the warmth in his cheeks—pretending it was from the alcohol—he breaks the smile. As you question: “Was it nice…?”

Moments like this, James realized that you two are not far from each other; he got to experience becoming a human, before mess happened. While you lived in the mess, not knowing what it means to be a human—he pity you sometimes, he often wonders if you’re just making this up, waiting for a moment so, you can fuck him up but moments like this, he somehow recalls you had this look of ingenuity, as if you have no clue: how to live. 

And he knew, for he also had the same look in his eyes. So, he nods and looks at the people sharing a slow dance. “It felt nice..” As you sip your drink, the Sergeant wants to ask you something, yet a bitter voice in his head holds those words back. In that he settled with that answer, as he drank the beer while you watched the people dance. A simple breath left you: “I’ll figure it out how it feels..” 

If things were different, the bitter voice in his head would have not bothered him—but for now, he settled with whatever he had with you, as he left it at that.

You walked in the compound and smelled the spices in the kitchen, with a book in your hand—you saw Vision and Wanda cooking. Since the Redhead A.I has heightened senses, he welcomed and invited you. You felt like a trash third wheel, but as Wanda gave you a smile and offered what they cooked, it was more than welcoming. 

A look from the outside was watching the three of you, or perhaps, you. The blue eyes watched you, as if he was analyzing how different you look: you looked at ease, your shoulders aren’t tense; you looked so…calm. “Are you going to run or are we gonna be staring at them until it gets weird?” Sam eyed the Sergeant as he glared back.

“Shut up, I’m almost done with my lap.” He grunted, going back to the stupid running bet with Sam. As Sam catched up with the grumpy old-man, Sam snickered. “That cyborg brain of yours is functioning in a new gear.” The Falcon teased, to which Bucky ignored–but he couldn’t help but wonder why he felt different around you: it was wrong, at least, that’s what he tells himself—he firmly believes, it was nothing but a mere heat of the moment perhaps, a little assurance for the trauma that you two share.

It was a normal day, to say so at least, the rest were doing their own things—enjoying the uneventful day, when afternoon arrived, some found themselves seeking to shut-eye: but not the former secret service of HYDRA and White Wolf.

“How about George Owell’s books?” You asked the Sergeant who was reading a book as he sat on the library’s couch. He raised his head and looked up at you at the loft of the library. “Haven’t read it but Dr. Strange said it’s a good one.” you nodded as you continued to scan the books in the library of the compound.

After a few hours of Bucky reading, he realized you’re not back in the seat where you promised to sit after you find the right book for you—that was an hour ago. He placed the book, The Hobbit, on the table as he called out your name. Your lack of response was a little jitter in his head, it’s unusual, or maybe it is usual, but he couldn’t help but check on you. As he climbed on the loft, he found you, reading a book on the floor.

He was bewildered as he saw you, reading a book on the floor as he sighed and sat next to you. “You finished your book?” You asked as he just shook his head; he didn’t say anything, letting you read in silence. In that moment, maybe, he was reading it all wrong—not the book, but you: he longs to be near you, whether he admits it or not, he stole glances as you read the book.

He should still hate you, you stole everything from him. But, his heartbeat quickens when you two share a soft moment, his ears ring when he does something that makes you laugh, his hands shake when you don’t respond to his comms when you two are on a mission, he doesn’t get it. He should still hate you, but he can’t help it—maybe, he’ll get it, once you do too.

As you read thoroughly, you felt a head on your shoulder. Typically, you would push it away, but as you heard even breathing as a relaxed state, you let it be. You didn’t move an inch, as you let the Sergeant sleep on your shoulder. It’s not the first time you served as a pillow to your new home, it was mostly Wanda or Yelena; sometimes Thor, when he wants to annoy you—but this felt new and raw. Your heart pounds louder, god, you hoped that the White Wolf won’t hear it. 

It was scary to feel this, the loud banging on your chest, the tensed shoulder you had, yet as you looked over your shoulder, you saw his closed eyes and relaxed eyebrows—your memory drifted to the time you hear his screams when HYDRA removes his memory, you tensed as you remember how he bear the pain as you just watch across the room, and you remembered how the his furrowed eyebrows in the cryo-sleeping machine. The guilt was seething pain in your neck, it tasted bitter, but for once, you ignored the bitter taste in your lips, you found a better position, as you lean back, Barnes fell further in your shoulder as head touched the side of your neck.

You smiled softly—the one you gave Barnes at the party, the one you gave Barnes as you apologized; the smile you gave Bucky at the diner, a few months ago. With a heavy feeling, you leaned in his head as you rested your cheek.

You are damn sure, this will result into stiff neck, back pain, or even cramps—but just this once, you’ll bear it, just this once you’ll let your back and muscle scream, and just this once you let James Buchanan Barnes sleep, with a relaxed eyebrows in the warm presence of the library.

It wasn’t long when you feel sleepy too, it was an afternoon hit afterall, but a part of you wishes to stay awake, you want this to last, yet, you found yourself closing your eyes, relaxing in the library. You knew you’ll figure it out one day, whether it’s right or wrong to long for this, you’ll figure it out how to pour your heart to the person who has a broken heart because of you—you’ll figure it out, you know it—you just hope, Bucky will figure it out too.

Everything was doing fine with you and Bucky; the entire team felt it too—the sudden change, the loosen tension, and the given knowing look. You and Bucky did too but the trip to the destination wasn't an easy one, most of the time, Bucky steps on things he was not sure he can step on, other times you bit off things more than you can chew. Stark and Steve saw what was going on, the three steps forward yet four times back. 

But little things keep you on arms length with the Sergeant: it’s not easy to look past with what you’ve done to him after all; it’s not easy for James to just forget everything that was stolen from him—for another, a part of you was new to this, the unknown butterflies when the Sergeant would do something as he glance at you, the red ears but not from the cold but when you hear James laugh, and the fast-paced beat: it was new to you, you know this feeling, you’ve read it in books: one to many times already but feeling it was another level, one you cannot help yourself but deny.

A bitter taste fell out of your mouth as you listened to the comms as you sneak in inside a control system for a mission, you could hear it—in the comms how Stark, Barnes, Romanoff, and Carter were blending in naturally in the crowd: it was a common hideout, to be honest, a terrorist stealing vibranium and having the operation under a bar-party casino, what a common hideout, it wouldn’t bother you; in reality, it should not bother you—you were HYDRA’s weapon once, undercover and sneak in mission is nothing but a piece of cake.

That would be the case, if you don’t feel a conflicting emotion in your chest—god, you hear it, the little chuckles the fell out of Carter’s mouth as you heard Bucky’s line on the end, he sound so out of character, out of touch, way different as he interacts with you. Cursing under your breath, you entered the camera room.

Without warning to the team, you successfully put the camera in your control, protecting Wanda, Sam, and Rogers from the security’s grasp. In that, you heard Tony’s chuckle.

“There you go, Secret Service, everyone..” He compliments you as he continues his comms. “Told you, you’re fit for the role—I’m great at role assigning after all.” In some cases, you would thank him —but your mind brushes things as Romanoff’s response to the comms was blurry as you recall the planning earlier.

“It’s set in Europe.” Sharon Carter's voice informed the team, as you, Yelena, and Natasha were preparing the things for the mission. As the information was given by Stark and Carter, you waited for further instruction—thus, leading to assigning roles. It wouldn’t matter actually, you were a spy, this would be a piece of cake: but then again, you bit off on something you can’t chew.

“Carter and Barnes, you two will be the undercover Mr. and Mrs. Williams, when we get control of the camera systems, that’s when Rogers, Wilson, and Wanda can come in. That leads to Yelena for going in the vault as me and Ms. Romanoff along with Williams taking charge of what’s in the casino.” Stark looked at Natasha and Rogers for confirmation, they both nodded. 

But you scanned the fake invitations made by Stark for him and Natasha; for Barnes and Carter: The Williams—a new feeling burns within you, but you carry on—for all you see, was Barnes already talking to Carter after the planning—moments like that: you find another reason why you should deny the wanted warmth spreading in your cheek when you talk to Sergeant.

“Hey, secret service, talk to me–” Stark’s pull you out of your trance, you immediately replied. “Yeah? I’m here..” Stark chuckled, as he informed to prepare for a change in plans. 

“Copy that.” A sigh left your mouth and a familiar voice—a softer one than what you once heard in HYDRA’s—”Everything okay, сахарный тростник?” 

Everything okay, sugarcane? In different circumstances, that would have the cheesiest smile out of you, how a stupid toy turned into sugarcane. But things are different, way different—everything was out of touch, instead a monotone left your lips. “Everything’s fine, soldier.” 

“You were not responding for a minute, you sure?”

In his words, you knew Steve wasn’t joking when he shared that Barnes have girls lining up for him in the 40s, knowing damn well, if you existed that time—you would too but as you listen to him, you notice the subtle different tone he uses with Carter, way different when it comes to you, it stings but you already foreseen this: it’s never gonna work, you stole everything from him for fucks sake. It will never work out. Bucky will never figure it out.

Before you could respond, a security breach alarm was ringing the entire place, it was from Yelena’s position—the things happened too fast, you immediately went to Yelena for back-up, which you two gladly got out. Everything was a mess, as far as you can remember, you and Yelena took some enemies, it was an odd pairing as Stark teased in the comms but as you fight, a lingering and gnawing feeling broods in your chest, it wasn’t the fight nor the team’s safety.

It was you, you’re worried about you and the damn stupid butterflies in your stomach. Your mind drifts that even in this different life, you still can’t have what you want to have—unprofessional, sloppy, neglectful, and hideous: as you heard a gunshot and a seething pain in your abdomen, so much for HYDRA’s favored leverage. 

As you felt the pain, the adrenaline coursing to your body made you fight more of the enemies, but the ringing in your ear never left, maybe it was the anxiety or maybe it was the comms, or maybe it was Yelena begging the team to go back to quinjet because you’ve been shot—it would be tolerable, the pain would be tolerable until in the comms you heard a pleading, longing, a lost voice.

“Has anyone seen Carter?” It was Bucky, god, he sound so worried, so distress, that made you wince even the bullet’s pain was nothing, this was much worse, you stumbled your walk as you throw the comms away, luckily Yelena was with you, after a moment, the Falcon and Iron Man carried you and Yelena back to the quinjet, as a limping Sharon Carter and getting assisted by Bucky met your view as Sam made you sit.

Wanda immediately used her ability to heal you but you pushed her hand away. “I’m okay, Wanda. I can take it—look over Sharon and Yelena, yeah?” You smiled at her but as she was about to protest, Steve nudged her shoulder as Steve sat next to you. “My bad, Captain..” You gave Rogers a smile, a masked one—god, you’re in so much pain.

“...You okay?” Stark snickered as Steve sent him a glare. “Rogers, I am fine. You should see the other guy—” but before you can continue, Natasha cut you off.

“You were distracted out there. You were not responding for a minute; you got shot. Want to tell us, what happened?” There she is, the Black Widow, you play with air in your mouth as you look at Steve and glance at Barnes talking to Sharon as Wanda heals her injury. Normally, Natasha would tease you about it but as she notices the subtle glance. She waited for your answer.

“Was not used in that set-up, I guess.” Natasha gave a look to you, call it pity, sadness, but as you stood up, watching as the fabric that Yelena tied in your abdomen was pooling red, you used Steve's shoulders to lift yourself up. “Sorry, was distracted, it won't happen again.” 

Steve was about to guide you but you shrugged him off as you walked in the little bathroom in quinjet. Not-knowing an emotion filled eyes was longing behind your back—how a pair of cerulean colored eyes is watching behind you. The jet was quiet, not because of the tight tension, but a worried one. So, Yelena carried the mood: reminding everyone that the mission is a success, but it wasn’t for Bucky, you were bleeding; he wasn’t there—for him, the mission would rather fail than to see you wincing in every step you make.

You removed your clothes as you removed the cloth that Yelena used to stop the bleeding, you eyed the injury as you knew this was a bit worse than you expect it, with running water, you cleaned it—scrambling the medicine cabinet behind the mirror, applying gauze—-you can ask Banner or Maximoff to look on it, for now, this’ll do.

Few weeks back in the compound, it felt like the time didn’t move. You were pissing off at HYDRA wishing they inserted the serum at you too—so, the healing process would be much faster than you bed-rotting in your room—but you guess, that was better; with Yelena being the closest things you have in sister–she told you everything. Especially the blonde woman hanging out with the terminator. 

She tells stories about them as she sometimes passes out in your room—you love Yelena, there’s no doubt, you thanked her every time she and Natasha would look at you as if you live with them. In the middle of the night, you got out of your bed as you fixed Yelena’s blanket next to you—-your light footsteps left your room, as you went to the kitchen. 

You wanted to make tea, but the heating pain from your abdomen, your movements were slow—it would take—“Sam would’ve ran sixteen laps and your tea is not even close to done.” Of course, the Captain’s voice. He was in his night outfit as you chuckled and nodded. “A little hand, then?” you asked the old man. 

That night, Steve Rogers made you tea as you watched and sat on the counter. “I can feel you staring at me…” Rogers uttered as you shook your head. “I never got to thank you…” You added as he placed a fresh tea on the counter as he also has one too. 

As you sip, a smile left your face—you liked the tea he made. “Peggy taught me in the 40s.” You nodded as he told you how Peggy taught him—before you knew Steve, you thought he just got lucky being Captain America, but with him sitting and studying your look: he’s also a human being that falled in the wrong path of time. With that, you looked at him.

“Does it get easier?” You asked him, it was a broad question. But, somehow, all the speeches he made for the team had the same weight when said: “I lived on ice for 70 years, it’ll eventually get harder.” Not the answer you wanted, but somehow, you knew.

“....but you have us. Eventually, it’ll be okay, not easy, but okay.” He sip his tea as he pulls the picture of Peggy in the compass he carries. 

“You must’ve really liked her…” You added–as he nodded, acting shyly—as he tells his story, but not the one written in the museum, somehow, the longing feeling in your chest was bigger, how he talks about Bucky, is so different from the Bucky you know, it was painful—but at this point, you mirrored Rogers, not missing how his eyes shimmered when he thought of Peggy. With a cup of tea on your hand, you figured it out: you absolutely, without a doubt:

You love James Buchanan Barnes.

Your heart clenches as you settle with the realization—“I’ve seen how you look at Bucky..” Cases like this, you would wanna talk to Natasha first, but, knowing Steve would not let it go, you continued—it’s your way to thank him for the tea, afterall.

“I do, I felt that, months ago—realized it, now. I saw how you talk about Peggy yet I think about how I talked about him.” You chuckled. “Guess his 40s charm never left, but, who would take me—why would I bother with this? I hurt him, stole everything from him and now we're a bunch of agents and icons, there’s no room for that—especially ... .especially with me.” Steve listened intently.

“Pepper and Tony would say otherwise.” You raise your head and meet his gaze. “Barton and his wife would not agree too. Parker and MJ would argue with you about it. Wanda and Vision would explain themselves to you—” You laughed, as you get his point.

“It’s not the same, Rogers—I hurt him. A million times, stole who he is, used what he is—how would he take me?” A bitter chuckle left your lips as cleared your throat, you stood up not wanting to talk more. “Thanks for the tea…” As you closed the door in your room, Steve sighed as he looked at the man standing in the dark corner of the room. 

“You heard her…” Steve got the cups and placed them on the sink, as the man in the corner stepped out. “How would you take her..?” Steve quotes your question. The man lingered his blue eyes in the door of your room. 

“All of her.” 

 It’s true, Barnes should still hate you—but, all at once, next to you, he feels like a child. Like, all the things he felt was damaged within him, felt undamaged—felt like you seen him in his bullshit: the 40s one, the Sergeant one, the Winter Soldier one, the White Wolf one, the James—the Bucky: you take them all, so, he would be a fool not to take all of you too.

Maybe, in the height of it all, 40s Bucky would never forgive you but—in his heart, a growing hope—thanking the stars, the pain, the stitches, the loss—for all of that: he thanked that he was still alive in hope for this love.

Steve nodded and looked at his friend— “Talk to her, Buck.” Bucky nodded, not saying anything but feeling everything—with a soft look at Steve, he realized that he got it—he understood it, that in your shoulder at the library: everything felt right: you hurted him, that is true, god, he hated you.

But in the dreaded past, meeting you, knowing you was the tattooed dream etched in his mind, that inside of the Sergeant, White Wolf, grumpy old man: was his inner child, wishing to spend the rest of his days until the time lets—god, he loves you.

The next day, alarms were all over the compound, you walked out of your room—seeing Tony and Steve in their suits; a missing cerulean eyes. “Where’s Bucky?” Sam immediately went to you, as he tried to push your back into your room.

“You’re still injured, let them handle–this–” You pushed his arm. “Don’t bullshit me, Sam—I am fine, where’s Barnes?” you repeated but as Sam was about to say something, Stark was at your room’s door. “Power Broker got him—” Without a word, you grabbed your stuff and changed your clothes to the uniform Stark made for you.

“Hey, hey, what do you think you’re doing?” Sam’s voice was louder as Tony did his best to stop you too. “Secret Service, listen to me, you’re still injured—you have to stay–”

“Stay?! I will not stay here, Stark, Bucky is—he’s not here—I’m not gonna stand here and hope you guys get him back! What if Zola found him! What if—” Stark cut you off. “We’ll bring him back—your Barnes.” In that you calm down, as you nodded and sat on your bed. As Stark left your room, Sam looked over at you.

“Sam?” 

“Yeah?”

“...I’m gonna follow them..” With that you clutched your bed sheets and begged to all the heavens of the universe to bring him back. Your love back.

James Barnes was sitting in a familiar chair, a chair that reminded him of his past, reminded him of all the blood—it’s happening again, he’s gonna lose all his memories again, he wanted to fight the doctors surrounding him but the drugs in his system were blurring everything. 

His metal hand was strapped as well as his chest and feet—he felt helpless. “Ah, you’re awake.” A voice, Sharon—she visited Bucky’s room last night, for whatever reason, Bucky thought Sharon needed help but as he turned his back, all he felt was the cold floor and woke up with the doctors all over the place with him tied up on the chair.

“Sharon, what the hell is wrong with you?” His voice is bitter, in pain, god, it’s all coming back— “Wrong with me? I am this, солдат.” Soldier. It is different when you say it, that’s the first thing Bucky noticed. “And I am selling you to the market. You are a great deal, Winter Soldier.” 

Of course, Bucky would be used again—the machine starts to produce a sound—a distinct familiar sound, is it always gonna end up like this? But in his throat, he can only plead—he felt like a kid, not the same kid that wishes for you, the kid that was begging to be freed, it felt so weird, familiar, painful, to be back here.

As the machine covers his left eye as he grunts in pain—he thinks of you. He wished he memorized you, he wished he knew how to make your tea, he wished he would remember your words, he wished he was back in the shore again as you ask for forgiveness as he eats the sugarcane, how he wished he was eating at the diner with the jukebox again; how he wished he took you to a dance. 

Then, it was nothing. 

“Солдат?” Sharon called out a name—Soldier?

Against the dark room, a soldier spoke: “Я готов ответить.”  The Winter Soldier was ready to comply.

“Tell me, it’s not you on the comms, Secret Service.” As Stark and Rogers rush inside the building, which was supposed to be a duo-mission, they hear a crackling noise on their comms. “That would be so boring if it wasn’t, right, Stark?” You chuckled, before Rogers can even argue about it—Stark already did.

“You stubborn–You just had your stitches! We’ll handle this! Stay put in your location–you—” But you cut him off.

“Even if you have stitches, Stark! If Potts is there—you’ll do it too, so, let me help…” Stark and Steve sighed, they knew they couldn’t stop you. After Stark sorting you out, you get on the other side of the building while the other two lurk on the other side. It was a dark building, as you successfully sneak in: you immediately scan the area.

The dark room makes you think of HYDRA years ago: it was triggering, your skin feels cold—if you’re feeling like this, what more to Bucky. You need to find him fast, but the pulsing in your head, also doesn’t help, maybe it was the anxiety or maybe when Sam tried to stop you earlier.

“I told you, I won’t let you!” Sam groaned as he blocked your path, for a thousand times. “Sam, please, Cap and Stark need us! They need me, we have to help them!” You fought him, but you knew he was holding back because of your stitches. 

“Work with me, Sam, please..” You pleaded but he got you in a headlock, as you calmed down. He loosened when you tapped his hand. “Please….It’s James. I don’t want him to go through that again, it’s the only way—only thing I can do, Sam—” 

Sam cared about Bucky and you knew that, at this moment, Sam hates that he cares about you too. “Fine, but—” You smiled at him— “I won’t tell Steve.” In that Sam just nodded and let you go. 

Never in your life, thought you would let your feet touch the casket for a man—a man whose heart and past are all broken because of you. You never thought you would see the day why people fought lively in the war because they have someone to go home to, you never thought you would see the day where all can be damned—just not you and Barnes.

The other side of the building is thoroughly occupied by fights: Stark and Rogers are really pushing through—while you see a laboratory, you immediately sneak inside. As Stark updated their situation of being occupied in a fight, you entered the lab. You finally saw Bucky, in the same chair, the first time you saw him. You were angry, pissed, and everything is being in the last line of your moral defense. 

“Oh, Bucky..” you immediately went to the buttons and let the machine let James go, but he remained seated. “Barnes, we have to go—come on–” You checked his face if he was injured, or even concussed, but all you met was a familiar eye, an unwanted one, the one would burn in your guilt—In his dilated eyes, the Winter Soldier is back. It’s not Barnes, not Bucky—HYDRA’s favorite: the one that killed people without blinking. With such hope, you pulled him up but to no avail, Carter’s voice broke through.

“Soldier, attack.”

The Winter Soldier immediately slapped you away, causing you to hit the wall—if it wasn’t for Tony and Shuri’s invention in your suit—you would’ve died but you met the Winter Soldier’s eyes again, this time—you stood at the same spot of his victims before, you knew what they meant: for the first time, you were scared. As Stark had scanned the area from his location, he asked you to stand down and wait for them—but the comms he was giving was meeting the cold floor.

You look at the Winter Soldier. “You really wanna do this, Sharon?” Sharon snickered as she cockily revealed her plan selling the Winter Soldier to the underground. “You’re nothing like Peggy, not a bunch.” Sharon scrunched her nose.

“Because Peggy never stepped up—she could have all this and yet she stayed at the stupid camp. But me, after the government go up against me, I finally find the purpose—”

“What? Like a criminal dealer?” Despite you tensing up, to fight against the Winter Soldier up—you snarked up a reply to Sharon. “That’s lame, you know, if I were you, I would go bi—”

“Shut up! Like you know better, you better stop pretending to be one of them because…you are just like me.” You stared at her; back at the brooding Winter Soldier. “Or not. Soldier…kill.” In that The Winter Soldier immediately attacked you.

For a while, you were able to keep up with his fighting style, you were once a HYDRA after all but a lingering warm feeling scattered in your chest: you can keep up with him because you spar together, you catch up with his speed. Despite the Winter Soldier’s attacking skills, you didn’t fight back, you just put yourself in defense and you tried to whisper words that would trigger his memory. You hoped Steve would arrive and pull the Soldier out of trance, as the Soldier pinned you to the wall, you finally attacked back—you kicked him as he stepped away.

“Soldat, ты меня бесишь.” The soldier grunted, he knew what you meant—he was pissing you off. In that his attack became more aggressive; You tried to recall all the memories, even the one Steve told you but none of them reached the Soldier. He kept punching and kicking you, until his hand hit your stitches, you fell on the ground as you clutch yourself in pain—the soldier reached for the gun, with the last strength you kicked the gun away. 

It fell on the floor as you grabbed it and aimed it at the Soldier. “Stay back, Soldier.” Yet, for the first time, your hand shakes holding a gun. Without abandon, the Soldier still charged, pushing you down to the floor—with an intention to kill,he grabbed a knife but instead of you pulling the trigger, you felt the knife getting deeper in your shoulder, the Winter Soldier twisted the knife, but he flinched when he heard you:

“Full circles…” You winced. “I am really sorry, Bucky…” Suddenly, the Soldier heard the shore, the sweet taste was familiar on his lips, your swiss knife on his hand—Bucky. 

He pulled his hand away as he stared at you. “....Sugarcane..” In that a bitter chuckle left your mouth as you nod. “Barnes..” You felt yourself tear up as you reached his cheek and caressed it. “You’re back…finally, you’re back..” Bucky was tense, he knew what he did but the way you looked at him, melted his inside. He was about to say his apology but a loud explosion occurred. He used his body to shield you as he carried you to the side.

He saw the blood in your suit, as you slowly got dizzy. “Hey, hey, don’t you dare. Sweets, come on–”Bucky tapped your cheek as he saw in the explosion was Stark and Steve, Steve threw his shield to Bucky as Bucky catched it he warned: “Steve! We gotta go, she lost a lot of blood.” Even Tony felt Bucky’s panic. 

“The quinjet is up north the mountain.” Steve said as he and Stark went to catch Sharon Carter. Bucky’s hand was dipping in your shoulder and waist as he carried you back to the quinjet, he kept checking if you were still breathing—he prayed, he was shaking in fear: he can’t lose you, especially not like this. His breathing was ragged as he reached the jet. He was hoping Wanda was there but all there were the buttons of the jet. 

He placed you on a chair as he grabbed the medical kit in a cabinet, he immediately sat on the floor and remove the suit—your stitches thorn and a bleeding shoulder, he was mad at himself, how did he even let it happen, he should not have hurt you, he should—

“Calm down, James…” He felt your hands on his cheek again, grounding him in his panic. He immediately shook his head. “No, no, I did this, I was—”

“You didn’t have a choice…” you smiled. “Besides, I think we’re fair now.” You joked but the giggle didn’t leave Bucky’s lips—-is he going to lose you too? His hand reached for your head as he ran his hand in your hair. “I should’ve asked you to dance with me, that night….” He whispered slowly.

As you nodded, relaxing in his touch. “I guess you owe me…”

“I do, I definitely do, sweets.”

Bucky was reading George Owell’s 1984—despite being a great book: it seemed a tale of HYDRA, he read intently in the library. After a while, he looked over the loft, recalling the memory when he fell asleep next to you. 

“Hey, sweets?” His voice called out, noticing the afternoon turned into night, knowing they drifted in the loft, next to each other. “Yes, Barnes?”

“We’ll read 1984 tomorrow?” He asked but neither of them moved, the proximity within them is warm, it’s home. With a chuckle, a reply left you: “If you’re up for it…”

After a while, he left the library with a longing look on his face as he carried the book, adoring the shared memory, longing for it, wishing he can experience it again—

— Suddenly, he met you carrying new bandages and band-aids. “Didn’t Banner tell you to stay on the bed?” He asked, immediately rushing to you.

“....Did he?” you asked, as you looked like a kid that stole a candy bar. “Well, Banner and Stark went out and my bandages are getting itchy so—I kinda, need to change them.” 

“Couldn’t Natasha or Yelena help you?” You nodded. “I can’t find them and they’re really itchy, Barnes.” You walked away from him as he held your shoulder. “Let’s change it then, sweets.”

Barnes made you sit on the sink of the bathroom as he changed the bandages in your abdomen, as you winced lightly. “This okay, sweets?” You nodded as he purely focused on the bandage. Later, reached another batch of bandages, as you see the guilt look in his face: as he changed the one in your shoulder. “Barnes…” You knew he wasn’t listening, he’s probably blaming himself in his head again.

“Bucky?” you called out, this time, he looked at you. As you reached for his metal arm, he pulled away but then you pulled it as you felt the metal texture. “I’m sorry…I hurted you.” He sighed as you held the wrist of his metal arm. “Guess we’re even—” He shook his head, not liking your humor.

“There could’ve been worse! I could’ve killed you—I could’ve lost you and it’s gonna be my fault–” In his panic, his right hand lightly hit your shoulder—but as he was about to say sorry again, you grabbed both of his cheeks. “We’re alright, Bucky. We’re okay…” You muttered, as you rested your forehead into his. 

“We’re okay.” You both muttered, as he calmed down, he continued to change your bandage on your shoulder, as his body heat was radiating into you. As he wrapped and cut the last bandage—you both stared at each other. His eyes were blue like you remembered, as his eyes linger in your eyes yet longer in your lips. 

Suddenly, it’s just him and you—above anything else, he kissed you. 

To which you smiled as you kiss him back, in the soft edge of the compound, it’s just him and you, his hand rested in your waist as you hold him in his shoulder—you kissed him as if you were memorizing him and he kissed you like he would want to keep your lips on a bottle so, he can get addicted and taste you anytime he wants. 

He pushed further as you pulled away and you chuckled. “I thought the 40s were supposed to bring them on date first…” Bucky eyes glistened with joy— “My bad, sweets, you looked like you wanted to kiss me.” 

As he kissed you lightly again, lingering a little longer—as he pulled away he tucked your hair in your ear. “I suppose I owe you a dance, sweets?” You smiled as you nodded, as you opened your arms for embrace as he indulged in your warmth. “Only if you change my bandages, until I get better?”

He nodded as he kissed your forehead: “You don’t have to ask me, sweets, I got you, always.”

“....You always call me that, after I said sorry to you…sweets, I’m not sweet, I’m a spy like Natasha and Yelen—”

“The sugarcane, sweets. The sugarcane, I still remember that was the only thing we ate that time—yet, even when I was mad at you, you still got me sugarcane, it was really…sweet of you.” He whispered as you laughed. “Steve wasn’t lying when you got your words.” 

He lightly kissed your injured shoulder and muttered a sorry to it. As you two hugged again, you can’t help but hum the song from the diner—playing in the jukebox: I’ve never been in love before—but as you smiled and relaxed at the sink—it felt different, it felt more human—warmest than ever been. 

Upon in a different side of life, you never knew it will turn out like this, watching stars with Barnes, holding hands, dancing in the rhythm, planning what’s for dinner with him;—despite the guilt brooding in each of your chest about what could’ve been in the past the future remains uncertain, as the old man said it will eventually be okay; maybe there was hate or maybe regret: but for a man who woke up 75 years later, he was finally certain as he decided that in each time he will fall in love..

— it's always going to be you.

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:please message me if you do not wish to be tagged! <3

Y/N: Can I have a bite of your food? Bucky: Absolutely not. John Walker: Wow. Some great couple. He won’t even share his food. Bucky: It has peanuts on it. They are allergic to peanuts. Are you so jealous of our relationship that you want Y/n to die? John Walker:...

So I know it's maybe a weird ask. The person I was seeing decided today they were no longer interested in me out of the blue. It sucks considering my past dating history. Is there any way you could maybe write some fluffy and smutty Bucky to help cheer me up. Maybe he picks the reader after being fed up with how they have been treated and shows them all the love and adoration he has for them. He wants them as his partner. Thank you 💞💞💞

18+ minors dni

I love and hate how much I relate to this, sending you lots of love, yes you can get alllll the fluff and alll the smut from our perfect gorgeous super soldier.

You wordlessly walked by the team as you passed by the living room, coming back from your date. You offered them a strained smile, blinking back tears, hoping would slip out till you got to your room. You were single again. You thought things were going well. Apparently not. You let the tears flow as soon as you were in your room, tossing your dress off and spending the next hour under the hot shower. The tears only worsened after you crawled into bed. 

Bucky passed by your room, hearing soft sniffles coming from the inside. Based on how you looked when you got home, he figured things hadn’t gone well. He looked at your door longingly, wanting so badly to hold you and comfort you. If you were his, he would have treated you like the absolute princess you were. 

But you weren't. 

*****

“I’m so sorry y/n, I promise we’ll make it up to you as soon as we get back” 

“It’s okay” 

You gave Nat and Wanda a sad smile while they hugged you tight, getting called for a last minute mission with the team, effectively ruining your girls night. You sighed, plopping onto the couch in the now empty living room. You turned on a movie, but you were hardly paying attention, scrolling through your phone instead. 

“Hi Doll” 

You squeaked, surprised to see Bucky standing behind you, your eyes growing wide looking at his shirtless form, he clearly had a very good workout. 

“Hi Buck” You willed your eyes to stay trained on his face but that was some how worse, with his perfect blue eyes gazing down at you, pink lips curved into a smirk. “You scared me, I thought you left with the others”

Bucky chuckled, shaking his head, “I’ve been told to take a month off after an injury” 

“You were just at the gym Bucky” You shook your head while he sheepishly smiled at you. 

“What are you up to”

“Having a girls night by myself” You pouted, looking at the empty coffee table that should have been covered in a week’s worth of junk food. Bucky smiled softly, adoring your sad little face, he would do anything to make you smile again. 

“What do you normally do for a girls night” 

“Hmm sit in comfy clothes, paint our nails, drink, watch cheesy rom coms, eat junk food, sleep over”

“We can still do that” You looked at him quizzically while Bucky’s mind started piecing together all the things he’d need. “I’m gonna shower. Go change into your comfy clothes doll, come back down in a bit” 

You went to your room to change, your cheeks warm and heart beating faster than necessary. Did you always have a crush on him? Yes. Had it ever gone anywhere? No. His friendship was enough though. Maybe. 

*****

You made your way back to the living room in an oversized t shirt and extra fluffy robe, gasping when you saw the transformed living room. Bucky had clearly robbed a candy store, the table piled with chocolate, chips, cupcakes, and cookies. There was a bottle of your favorite wine, The Proposal pulled up on the Tv and a few blankets thrown on the couch. Bucky grinned, walking in with a beer and plopping onto the couch. 

“Y-you did all this?”  You were still in shock as you sat down beside him, your eyes flickering over every detail Bucky had paid attention to, he’d laid out everything you loved. 

“Of course doll, what do you normally do first” He poured you some wine which you took with shaky hands, restraining yourself from crawling into his lap and kissing his face 100 times over. 

“Nat normally paints my nails” You put down the few bottles of nail polish you had, still undecided on a color. “I guess I could paint them but I don’t know what color” 

Bucky shrugged, grabbing your foot and plopping it into his lap. He picked up a bottle of red polish he loved on you, carefully holding your foot while he tried to paint your toenails.

“What do you normally talk about”

You bit your lip, avoiding the question but you knew he was waiting for an answer after he stopped painting your nails, looking up at you instead.  

“...boys”

Bucky snorted, nodding, it’s not like he was expecting anything else. 

“Talk to me doll”

Bucky’s listened attentively while you recollected your last date, the conversation moving onto what you were looking for in general. You didn’t ask for a lot. You wanted someone who just wanted you, to spend time with you, love you, adore you the same way you loved them. The part you didn’t voice was if it were up to you, you would have wanted him, he was everything you could have pieced together in your dreams but it’s not like he wanted you that way.    

You sighed to yourself, looking at the beautiful 6′5 super solider who now had your other foot in his hand, his brows knitted together trying his best to do a neat job. He lifted your foot closer to his face to paint the smaller toes while you giggled, your foot squirming in his hand. 

“B-bucky it tickles!” 

“Sorry baby” 

You both froze, Bucky’s eyes grew wide at his slip up, hoping you didn’t hear what he just called you, continuing to paint your toes as if nothing happened. He set your foot down, before putting the bottle on the table. 

“Thank you” You whispered, the both of you back to watching the movie, inching closer and closer until you were leaning against him. He felt butterflies the second he felt your head rest on his shoulder, unable to stop the blush spreading on his cheeks. 

“Anything for you y/n” 

****

“What’s the last part of you girls night” Bucky let out a yawn, rubbing her eyes, trying to stay awake. He chuckled as you mumbled something incoherently, tucked into his side, not wanting to get up. 

“Sleep over” you mumbled, snuggling further into his warmth. Bucky smiled, turning the movie off before scooping you into his arms and carrying you over to your bedroom. He set you down, pulling the covers over you and tucking you in before leaving, your hang tugging at his wrist to stop him. 

“Bucky?”

“You okay doll?”

“Stay with me”

Bucky’s eyes grew wide, looking at you hesitantly, he wanted nothing more than to cuddle you all night but he didn’t want it to feel weird. 

“Are-are you sure?” 

“Well it’s not a sleep over if you go sleep in your bed” You playfully rolled your eyes, opening the covers and making some room for him. Bucky slipped under the sheets with you, his body moving on its own as he pulled you to lay on his chest.

“Goodnight Bucky” You were fast asleep instantly, nearly purring as he softly stroked your back, kissing your forehead before closing his eyes.

“Goodnight baby” 

*****

It started to become a regular occurrence. You were having “movie nights” and “sleep overs” more frequently, always ending in “platonic” cuddles and innocent kisses. 

Just like tonight. 

You were curled up in his arms wearing one of his Henley's, a movie playing in his room instead of the living room. His hand absentmindedly slipped up your shirt, stroking your waist while trailing kisses from your forehead to your nose and then...stopping. 

He wanted to kiss you so badly, your soft sweet lips always looked so kissable. You tilted your face up, hoping he could keep going, your lips brushing against his. His breath hitched before kissing you slowly, his hands firming gripping you to pull you closer. 

“Bucky...”

“Doll...” His breaths grew heavier, the movie long forgotten as he rolled you over so he was laying on top of you. Your fingers gently tugged on his hair, your thighs squeezing around his waist. It didn’t take long for clothes to fly off, both of you pressed against each other again with nothing separating you.

“I’ve always wanted you” Bucky whispered, his nose nudging yours. He peppered kisses all over your face, his heart soaring, he wanted to show you exactly how much he adorated you, how well he’d always take care of you. “You deserve the world y/n”

“You like me?” You blinked up at him, while he kissed your nose, smiling at your wide eyes. 

“No baby, I love you” He came down to claim your lips again, his hands lacing with yours while you spread your legs further for him, needing him even closer. You whined feeling him rut against you, his cock was aching to be inside, pressed right against your soaked folds.

“Are you sure you want this?” you whispered, moaning softly when you felt the tip of his cock nudge against your entrance, fuck you needed this, you needed him. “Fuck, I love you James” 

“I want all of you sweet heart” He pushed his cock into you, the both of you gasping at the feeling of his length stretching your walls. “Gonna show you just how much” 

He started off slow, getting you used to how thick he was, his cock buried deep inside you, barely pulling out before rocking his hips back in. You could feel the burn melt away, your legs moving to hug his waist, waiting for him to stop holding back. 

“M-more Bucky, please”  You whimpered, moaning when he started to thrust faster, his cock hitting spots that made you clench and gush. “Fuck, just like that baby” Your back arched off the bed, wrapping your body tighter around him, your pussy clenching and squeezing around him. 

“You feel so fucking good baby, squeezing me so tight” He groaned, pulling back so he could sit back on his heels, throwing your legs on his shoulders. He bit your calf, kissing the pain away after, his cock still fucking you, loving the way your body bounced under him. 

“You look so fucking pretty like this baby” You bit back a sob, pleasure overwhelming you, no one had ever made you feel so good. His hand came down to rub your clit, making you cry out, instantly cumming around his cock without warning. Bucky bit back a smirk, fucking you harder and faster than before. 

“This is the only time I’ll ever make you cry princess, let it out baby, feels good, huh” 

Bucky had always been soft and sweet with you, you’d never seen his posessive side. The side that never wanted to see your heart broken again. The side that wanted to love and take care of you the way you deserved. 

“Feels good Bucky” you sobbed out, tears dampening the pillow while he fucked your throbbing sensitive pussy. 

“Give me one more baby” Buckys head was thrown back, doing his best to keep from cumming in you “C’mon baby, one more, need it” 

You nearly saw stars as he let your legs fall off his shoulders, his body coming back down to lay on you again. He kissed you softly, his hand coming down to rub tight circled on your sensitive nub while he cock started to throb. 

“I adore you sweet girl” He whispered, nipping your lips while your body clung onto his. “Want you to be mine”

“I-I’m y-yours Bucky” You choked out, pleasure building in your belly again, white spots clouding your vision. “M’gonna cum Buckyyy” 

“Cum for me baby, right there with you, together doll, let go” He kept hitting your g-spot, moaning and grunting above you, his cock throbbing and leaking inside you “Fuck sweet heart, m’cumming for you so much babyy” He moaned into your neck, slowly thrusting into you, riding out both your highs. 

“My beautiful baby” He kissed your forehead before pulling the covers over you both, not bothering to pull out. You sighed contently, tucked safely in his arms, feeling like you were in the safest place in the world. 

“I love you Bucky” You kissed his chest, before falling asleep, while Bucky gazed down at you; he would love and protect you exactly the way you deserved. 

“I love you y/n, You’re mine babydoll, all mine” 

Bonus:

Nat and Wanda are jealous (but also screaming and crying from happiness on the inside) when Bucky hogs you during girls night. As in he’s minding his own business of course, occasionally waltzing his way in to kiss you and tell you he loves you. 

Sometimes he plucks a bottle of nail polish and sits on the floor with your leg tossed over his shoulder so he can paint your toes a new color. 

He’s sooo soft for you. He tugs you around everywhere. Writing a mission report? He has you on his lap. You have cramps? He’s pouting beside you, rubbing your tummy and holding you till it feels better. Your sleepy? He’s carrying you to bed and if there’s no bed, he’s tucking you into his arms. 

All the forehead kisses.

All the nose kisses. 

All the neck kisses.

foot rubs.

cuddles,

all for you. 

Tags: @glxwingrxse @hungryyeyes @sebsgirl71479 @beabutterfly987 @teambarnes72 @witchy-whore @jamesbuckybarneswify @slutforsexyseabass @chrisdrysdale @littlemarvelmenfan @buggy14 @whimsyplaty92 @sergntbarnes @inkedaztec @pono-pura-vida @moonlightreader649 @brooklynscherry-z  @elle14-blog1 @littlelightnings @psychomanniac-blog @happyt0exist @emmabarnes @bethyruth   @matchat3a @cjand10 @getwellsoontana @cherryschaos @lokisasgardianvampirequeen   @ashenc-blog   @buckybarnessimpp  @potatothots @goldylions   @high-functioning-lokipath  @morganemorganite-blog @peaches1958 @kingfleury @spiderman-stilinski @peaceinourtime82   @gublur @wintersmelodie @geeky-politics-46 @lolawassad @almosttoopizza @a-poor-gryffindork @alternativeprincess @buckycallsmeaslut @kamaria-sweet-writes @charmedbysarge @samfreakingwinchester @xnorthstar3x  @kryoee7​

Imagine taking care of Beefy Bucky. He’s such a soft, sweet, thicccc baby. He doesn’t trust a lot of people but trusts you with his entire being. He’s still on the run from the government but he has you and Steve secretly checking on him every so often. Whenever you have a bit of extra time, you love to take care of him, letting him feel safe, giving him some soft loving for once in his life. At first he was apprehensive but he’s slowly allowing more physical touch.

He’s sitting in a bath of warm water, plenty of bubbles to cover his modesty, fidgeting with his thumbs, waiting for you. You’re always so gentle and he feels ready to let you wash his hair. You notice he’s more nervous than usual, eyes not meeting yours.

“Are you okay Bub” you coo, sitting on the edge of the small tub, “we don’t have to do this Jamie, it’s okay”

“No! No I want to, it’s just-” he’s nervous again, worried you’d find it weird, what kind of grown man was he. You let him take his time as he squeezed his eyes closed. “Can-can you use this?”

He points to a tiny bottle of baby shampoo sitting on the corner, the only place he could hide it given there was a lack of shelves and cupboards. He hated the way regular shampoo would get into his eyes, making them sting and water, leaving him disoriented.

“Please?”

“Of course baby” you coo, grabbing the little bottle and squirting some into your palm, lathering it before carding it through his hair, massaging his scalp. You’re careful not to get anything in his eyes, rinsing his hair with a bowl of water afterwards. You leave the bathroom to let him rinse off and cover up with a towel, grabbing him a fresh set of clothes.

“Thank you” he whispers once your cuddled up together under a small blanket, his body heat keeping you extra warm. It’s not often he gets to spend the night with you and it’s something he finds himself craving more and more often. He smells so sweet, the soft scent of his shampoo making you smile as he curls up on your chest with his arms hugging you extra tight.

He fully intends on asking you out on a proper date once he’s ready and he hopes you’ll say yes.

If it looks like a duck

Just some nonsense I imagine with Bucky having a secret super soldier crush on you but not wanting to admit or act on it because he is an adorable awkward lovesick puppy

Sam: If it looks like a puppy, acts like a puppy and whines like a puppy, what is it? Tony: Bucky with a crush on y/n

Bucky: *intensely glares at both men*

(You walk by the living room, passing the three of them) Bucky: *Blushes intensely while still glaring at both men*

____________________________________________________________

Tony: Steve, would you say terminator is the jealous type?

Steve: No, he's never had any reason to be, he got all the ladies in the 40's

Tony: Mhm, let's place a bet, watch this, HEY STEVE, I HEARD SAM WAS GOING TO ASK Y/N OUT ON A DATE

Sam: Tony, what the fu-

*Angry Bucky noises approaching the kitchen*

Sam: Oh shit-

Tony: STEVE YOU OWE ME MONEY, SAM YOU BETTER RUN

Bucky: SAM YOU BETTER FLY SOUTH FOR THE WINTER

_____________________________________________________________

Bucky: Has anyone seen my red Henley?

(You walk into living room with wearing his henley and some shorts)

You: Sorry Bucky, it was cold and I threw it on, I can give it bac-

Bucky: NO-no, keep it! You can wear it doll- shit- I mean y/n.

(You smile sweetly, obviously going back to your room)

Sam: You never let me borrow your sweaters *dramatically pouts*

Bucky: *throws a cushion at his head*

Steve: Yeah punk, how come you always let me freeze death

Bucky: (debates on yeeting Sam at Steve) You're a super soldier, when do you ever get cold?!

Sam: And how come you never call me doll?

Steve: Yeah, what if I want to be called doll, why's y/n so special huh? (wiggles his eyebrows, the last thing he hears is screaming and Sam's ass landing on his face)

______________________________________________________________

Sam: Okay, here's another one. What's grumpy, pouty and red all over?

Tony: Bucky with a school boy crush on y/n

Bucky: (continues to be grumpy and pouty) m'not a school boy

Sam: No comeback for the crush part I see

Sam: PUT ME DOWN, I DON'T HAVE MY WINGS

______________________________________________________________

You: Has anyone seen my blanket? I thought I left it in the living room but I don't see it-

Tony: (throws blanket across the room) Here, take this instead *grabs and shoves Bucky into your arms* its warmer and thicker anyway

Bucky: I-

You: Hmm (you plop onto the couch, snuggling into his side) You are warmer

Bucky: *aggressively blushing*

Fur Baby

Bucky x f reader 

For Bella’s writing challenge, I’ve loved this so much @chrisdrysdale You have the best prompt list! Please reblog, like, comment and let me know what you think  💕

Prompt 40. What no smart-ass reply? 

Warnings: None! Fluff! Bucky is a secret softie 

Word count: 1k 

“No.” “But Buckyyy, look how cute” you pouted, shoving your phone in his face.

Bucky’s stoic face remained the same.

“No y/n, we wouldn’t even be home to take care of it” “It’s a she!” “It’s a cat.”

You had spotted a stray cat near the compound, along with her new born kittens. There were four of them nestled in the warm grass and bushes. Ever since you found them, you started leaving out bowls of water and food. There was a strict no pet’s policy, but rules are meant to be broken right?  

Keep reading

Sunshine

Bucky x nurse reader 

A/N: Need some Bucky comfort so here we have: Bucky comforting you as you deal with mental health. This doesn’t follow the exact Marvel timeline/ events, some concepts are the same but I changed some stuff to fit the story better :) Please reblog, like and comment! <3 

Warnings: dealing mental health (anxiety), panic attacks, nightmares, fluff 

Word count: 1.3k 

Mini part 2

“Where’s Sunshine?” Tony sauntered into the kitchen, searching for you, hoping to get some advice on his upcoming date with Pepper.

That is what you were. Sunshine. You brightened the team’s day, forever smiling through adversity. When things got rough, you were comfort, hugs, soft smiles, gently touches. When things were stressful, you were grounding, firm holds, optimistic. You went beyond your job as a nurse at the compound infirmary. You listened without judgement; the team has started visiting you just to talk even when there were no injuries involved.

“Whose sunshine?”  Bucky sat at the kitchen counter sipping on his coffee, still getting accustomed to living in the tower for the last few months.

Keep reading

Pudge

Bucky x f reader 

Bucky being absolutely adorable. Inspired from the tiktoks about guys putting their hands on their girlfriends stomach, iykyk. Please reblog, comment and like! <3 

Warnings: None, fluff! 

Word count: 310

“Bucky, sttopppppp” You squealed feeling the coldness of his metal hand wrap around your stomach, pinching your soft skin.  

“No”

Bucky rolled on top of you, pinning you on your back, grinning at your struggle to escape.

“Where you going princess?”

“Get. Off. Me. You overgrown man-child” You huffed, trying not to laugh as he skimmed his hands up and down your sides, making you squirm. He sat up, straddling your thighs, holding onto your hips to keep you down. He slipped his hands under your shirt, kneading his hands on the soft skin on your lower stomach, practically purring like a cat.

“What the hell are you doing Barnes”

“Pudge makes Bucky happy” Your jaw dropped as Bucky continued to poke into you in complete bliss, loving how warm and soft your skin felt.

“What the hell Bucky?!” You held back a laugh, still in utter confusion over what your super soldier boyfriend was doing as he pulled your shirt up and laid onto your stomach, nuzzling his face in. “Will you stop it, you’re such a weirdo”

“But it soo squishyyyy” Bucky pouted before burying his face back onto your tummy, sighing in happiness.

You narrowed your eyes as him, poking his head so he’d look up at you. “Who said you could sleep there”

Bucky pressed soft kisses onto your skin, looking up at you with his best puppy dog eyes hoping you’d let him stay the way he was. You were his favourite pillow, with the softest silkiest skin. He loved the gentle rise and fall of your breathes as if he was being rocked to sleep.

You shook your head, knowing damn well you’d be unable to resist him. Smiling down at him, you played with his hair as he drifted off to sleep; absolute man-child.

Personal Pillow

Bucky x female reader 

You are Bucky’s favorite pillow. My second request from the lovely @slutforsexyseabass​ this was SO cute that I did 3 parts :) I’m so sorry. I’m telling you right now, this is for everyone. Bucky loves all boobs, small, medium, big, a combination of the two, he loves. them. all. 

Warnings: Fluff!! Boobs. A teensy bit of angst

Word count: 1.4k 

Part 2: Personal Pillow 2

Part 3: Bad Habits

Personal Pillow antics 

Personal Pillow 3 

To say Bucky loved your boobs was an understatement. Of course he loved every single bit of you, inside and out, (he hadn’t told you that…yet), but your boobs. They brought him a sense of comfort, home, his safe place from the rest of the world.

Keep reading

MOREEE PLSSSS BUCKY BOOBS PILLOWW OMGGG I LOVE IT ;) I WANT TO SEE MORE RN

For this baby? Anything.

Hiding your bras

Okay imagine after he feels your boobs without a bra, he is utterly insatiable.

Your finished showering, robed wrapped around you, opening your underwear drawer and its……empty? You didn’t move them anywhere, it’s always in your drawer so where the hell else would it be. You huff, going straight to Bucky’s room where he’s innocently reading a book, ignoring you as you stare at him.

“I know you did it”

“I didn’t do anything”

You shake your head, rummaging through his closet and drawers, while he snickers to himself; all your bras placed on the very top shelf you can’t reach.

You walk over to the bed, taking the book out of his hands, straddling him, the mischievous twinkle in his eye making it difficult for you to be annoyed.

“James”

“Y/n”

Your robe slips open, Bucky’s focus now completely elsewhere. You cock your eyebrow as he pulls your boobs right to his face, sighing contently, the safest warmest place in the world.

You giggle, playing with his hair as he snuggles against you, tossing the robe off, moving you to lie down so he can cuddle properly.

“What are you doing Bucky”

“M’comfy”

“I can see that, can I have my bras back please?”

Bucky huffed, with a look of shock on his face, deeply offended by your words. How dare you ask for such an awful piece of clothing back?!

“No”

“Bucky”

“Baby”

“You’re the baby” You rolled your eyes as he whined, hugging you tighter.

“M’your baby though”

After a bad mission

Bucky usually manages to hide his emotions but certain missions leave him extremely triggered.

He hasn’t spoken a word to anyone, including you, immediately leaving the jet, headed straight for his room, locking it so no one can enter.

He’s stripped his clothes off, managed a shower before crawling into bed to battle his demons alone, he doesn’t want you to deal with this side of him

But it becomes too much. Sobs wrack his body as he pulls on his hair, unable to stop the panic rising in his chest, it’s all swallowing him and he can’t remember how to breathe

You hear a soft knock at your door, quickly going to open it.

Your heart breaks seeing Bucky, his eyes and nose red, tears streaking his cheeks as he continues to whimper, struggling to stop crying in the hallway before anyone sees.

You pull him in immediately, taking him to your bed for him to lie down with you.

You strip off all his clothes and yours, cradling his body to yours, rocking him in your arms.

You wipe his tears, kissing his hair as he sniffles, trying to curl up and make himself small.

Bucky closes his eyes, focusing on the warmth of your skin and your heart beat, his hand cupping your breast, the softness grounding him. He feels his heart rate relax, holding onto your boobs, snuggled against them.

“Th-thank you” His voice is hardly above a whisper, still raspy

“For what Bucky?”

“For holding me”

Your heart breaks, holding him tighter, you’d never let anyone hurt him again.

“I love you James”

“I love you y/n”

Morning coffee

Bucky trudges in the kitchen, fluff wild bed head, rubbing his eyes, still tried.

He’s grumpy; he doesn’t like waking up without you by his side.

He wordlessly hugs you from behind, resting his head on your shoulder as he slips his hand under your shirt, cupping your breasts, closing his eyes.

“Buck?”

“Mm”

“Why are you up, you’re still tried, go to sleep baby”

“M’ not sleepy” Bucky shakes his head, burying his face in your neck, squeezing you while you continue to make your cup of coffee.

He shuffles behind you, not letting you go as you try to move around the kitchen.

“Baby, I need you to let go, I’ll come up in a second”

“No”

Bucky clings onto you the entire time, only reluctantly letting you go for a second so he can scoop you up in his arms instead to take you back to bed.

Hiding from the world

You’re sprawled on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through Netflix, lounging in Bucky’s Henley.

Bucky finds you, wordlessly crawling on top of you and burying his head under your shirt.

“Whatcha doing there Buck?”

“Hiding”

“From?”

“Everything”

You giggle, looking at the large super soldier squirm, his beard tickling your skin as he nuzzles into you, wrapping his arms around you to hold you like a teddy bear.

“You know, just cause your head is under there doesn’t mean we can’t see you” Sam smirks, shaking his head seeing you engulfed under Bucky’s huge form (he’s used to his antics by now)

“Go away bird brain”

You wrap your arms around him, rubbing his back as he continues to cuddle with you, blocking the outside world, happy in his safe place.

More from this AU:

Personal Pillow

Personal Pillow 2

Bad habits

Personal Pillow 3

Always With You (Bucky Barnes)

@cap-n-stuff ff this is for you! I hope you enjoy this as much I did writing it!

This is my entry for the @marvelxreaderfanfictionfest eaderfanfictionfest Bucky Barnes Valentine Exchange, thank you for having me!

My prompt was: Modern Bucky (I’m also okay with an AU!Bucky if they prefer like biker or mob or professor, etc.) + hurt/comfort with fluff

Also thanks to my beta @lokis-astvinur ❤️

Words: 1136

They came back again.

Bucky knew he had to live with them for the rest of his life, he was used to it, but still he didn’t like the feeling on his stomach when he woke up sweating and grabbing his own neck, almost choking himself almost into death because the fear of screaming and alarming his girl and the neighbors.

Yes, it was that bad.

He was used to it already but he didn’t want her to know how bad it was, he wanted her naive and ignorant at this, it wasn't her job to deal with them, just his. Bucky knew he wouldn't fall back asleep, so trying to not woke her up, he untangled himself off the bed sheet, putting them aside, jumping off the bed, warm feet touching the cold floor, he moved to his side of the closet, grabbing a pair of sweats and hoodie, he put them on fast and leaving the room..

Years of being an assassin made him be fast and quiet, without any sound he arrived at the front door, putting his snickers on he opened the door,stopping and thinking for a second before catching his bike’s keys and closing the door slowly, not making any sound at all.

The cool air hit him in the face, it felt good, he finally felt like he could breath, his mind still recreating the same image - him killing, the scared look of most of his victims...- sighing again, he moved towards his parked bike. It’s been forever since he used it, not having the need, using a new one at work, but thinking about it, he missed his old friend, he enjoyed riding it most of the time,so he decided, why not, he didn’t have anything to lose. Riding it, he put the key in the starter gear , the sound of his old baby made him smile, he really missed her, gassing her up, he began to leave the house behind.

The street was quiet and empty, he didn’t even know where he was heading, his mind blank as his mind began to forget about his nightmares, the air still hitting him straight in the face, cooling him down, relaxing him, he got lost on the feeling of the adrenaline of being fast, the speeding went up, as his grip tightened on the handle, he knew when he had to calm, the speed now was lower, making him just appreciate the city, the sky was clear, it was in fact a perfect night.

Bucky rode for minutes, hours, he didn’t mind the time, he needed this, needed his time, needed to come back to her without any single sign of him having a hard time, he wanted to be okay, for her. SLowing for a moment, he looked up, the sun starting to shine… He decided to go back home before she woke up he began to ride to their home, once he arrived he hop off from the bike, leaving her on it’s spot, and with a last look, he entered the house, leaving the shoes at the front door, he made his way towards the bathroom, looking himself at the mirror as he undressed himself, needing a shower.

The shower helped him to relax a bit more, his head now accepting his present, the nightmare slowly fading as the water fell, warming his body. He didn’t hear the door open till he heard her voice.

‘’Are you okay?’’ Her voice was sleepy and sweet, Bucky could feel the worry in her voice. He didn’t reply, instead the sound of a ‘mmh’’ let his mouth. ‘’Baby?’’ She moved closer to the shower, eyes open now, worry painted all over her face.

Bucky's chest warmed as he moved to her, grabbing a towel for himself before wrapping his arms around her waist, she moved closer, flushing herself into his arms. ‘’I am fine now, sorry for waking you up, Amor.’’

‘’James, don’t lie to me, I know you ain’t fine at all. Talk to me. please.’’ She could feel Bucky's chest move, as he sighed hard. ‘’Please.’’

‘’It’s just… I don’t know. My head is playing with me, I try to move on, but the nightmares keep coming and I really don’t know how to deal with them. I know I am not the same person and I know that what happened wasn’t my fault but still can’t help to feel ashamed and guilty, and my mind ain’t helping me.. I just, I don’t know.’’

‘’Oh baby... come here.’’ She moved him to her chest, making him cuddle into her, Bucky closed his eyes, relaxing as he could feel and listen to her heartbeat. ‘’ I know it’s been difficult for you since you came back and honestly I don’t know how to make this go away, if I could I would, but I can’t. I just want you to know that I’ll be always here for you baby, no matter what, if the nightmares are bad or if you feel bad about anything, just talk to me, you don’t have to keep it to yourself, I want to help how ever I can, I want to hold you when you need it or feel like it, please don't think you being touched because your past ain’t worth my time because that’s no true. I care for you and your feelings are important to me, too, I want to be your partner in every meaning of the word, so please, don’t ever feel the need to avoid talking to me, if you feel like not talking just tell me and I’ll hold you, or if you want to be alone, let me know and I’ll let you be, but talk to me, let me know how you feel.’’

Bucky’s eyes began to fill with tears, his own heart beating fast at the meaning of her words, he loved her so much, he felt like he didn’t deserve her love at all.

She sighed and kissed his hair, still wet from the shower,shaking her hair. ‘’Your hair still wet, you’re going to catch a cold, let’s dry it, come on.’’

Bucky pouted, not wanting to move. ‘’Don’t really want to...’’. But he still moved. Plugging in the dryer, she began to dry up his hair, hands messing with the shorts strands.

‘’ You know, I love you with your hair short, it shows more your face and I love watching your face.’’ She smiled, kissing his nape, and humming as she kept drying his hair. She could feel the blushing begin to form and a giggle left her mouth as Bucky let himself relax between her arms once again, ignoring his own shyness, he whispered an I love you, smiling happily as he heard those words back at him.