Cant Stop Thinking About Them - Tumblr Posts
- All Down Darkness Wide, Sean Hewitt. BETWEEN US (2022-2023).
me when i erm i erm i i i i i ermmm
We’re… friends, right?
Yes, we are.
Well, I need to ask you something. As my friend.
Oh?
But—and I promise I’m not joking—I also need to ask you something as… Ju Yang.
Oh?
So I have never struggled, as some people do, with my method of cultivation. I’ve never found another person attractive in the way people describe. Aesthetically, sure, but not… not carnally. That’s never been something I’ve dealt with. I’ve never had to worry about such things.
There are plenty of people like you who also feel that way. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Ah, but… that’s not what I’ve come to ask about.
Then what?
I understand those feelings. I understand how to live my life that way. What I don’t understand… what I can’t possibly fathom… is that it could change.
Mu Qing, are you saying that—
Can such a thing change, Feng Xin? I’m dealing with—with these feelings that are so out of my realm of understanding and I just—
What is it exactly that feels different? Is it that you’re now noticing others in ways you haven’t before?
Not others.
What?
Not… not multiple others. Just one person.
Ah, I think I may understand.
Oh?
I think you may be like me, Mu Qing.
In what way?
Let me ask you a question first.
Go ahead.
This person, are you very close to them?
Ah, yes. I am.
How close?
Quite…
And when did you notice these feelings you harbor for them?
Recently. Within the past few months. But, I suspect I’ve felt this way for them much longer than even I have realized. It makes… sense, looking back at least.
I think you may indeed be like me then, Mu Qing.
Explain yourself.
Well, for me, I find that I don’t have the capacity to feel romantic or sexual feelings for others unless I have an incredibly strong bond with them. That’s not to say I feel those things for everyone I have a strong bond with, just that the bond is a prerequisite.
Oh.
Yeah. Is that what you wanted to talk about or?
Well, yes, but… but also…
[Mu Qing swallows. Feng Xin furrows his brows and leans forward.]
I've changed my cultivation.
You… you did?
I did. And that’s where I need some… advice from Ju Yang.
Mu Qing—
Listen, I have looked through scrolls about how—about how it all works and they just—weren’t helpful. At all.
A-Qing—
I need to know more about—
First, tell me how the reading material was unhelpful. Are you looking for diagrams or—
No. No, I found plenty diagrams. It’s just that the material itself wasn’t…applicable.
How so?
I could only find texts about… intimacy between two people of the opposite sex.
…
…
Oh. Oh, Mu Qing—
What? Just—stop looking at me like that, I just—
You’re interested in a man?
…
Yes.
And you changed your cultivation for him?
No, no—I did it for myself mainly. But… but also because I wish… to be able to offer myself in that way. Not because it's expected of me but because I truly wish to experience it.
And have you told him this? That you've switched cultivation methods?
Ah, it's hard to say…
Have you even told him of your affections?
No. No, I haven't.
Why not?
I… I'm not confident he feels the same for me. I could make a fool of myself. I could be ridiculed.
But you said you're quite close to him?
Yes.
Anyone you're close to wouldn't dare to mock your feelings. There's really no sense in not confessing, when truly you have nothing to lose. Either you don't confess and you never know whether your feelings are returned, or you do confess and end up with an answer either way—even if it's not the outcome you're hoping for.
Even if he doesn't reciprocate, I'm sure he will be incredibly honored to have been the subject of the great General Xuan Zhen‘s affections.
[Feng Xin smiles, a bit teasing, but still with genuine care.
Mu Qing looks… torn. ]
Mu Qing?
Yes?
Who is he?
I… I can’t say.
Mu Qing.
Feng Xin?
It’s not Pei Ming, is it?
Oh gods no! No! What are you thinking!?
Then why won’t you tell me?
…
Mu Qing… I know him, don’t I?
Yes.
Then let me vet him. Or duel with him, at the very least.
What? Duel with him?
Yes! To determine if he’s worthy of you—though I can already assure you he isn’t. Of all the men I can think of who could reasonably be your beloved… none of them deserve you in the slightest, Mu Qing.
It’s you.
…
It’s always been you, A-Xin.
________
Been thinking a lot recently about post-canon fengqing becoming very close friends, maybe within the first decade after canon. Mu Qing, after everything that happened, being a bit softer and more open to his friends, but especially to Feng Xin. And then Mu Qing realizing he has feelings for him... it makes me so soft 😭 so I cleaned up this dialogue and wanted to share. I might expand on it later, we'll see 🩷
private eyes sketches (more down there 👇)
cellist john cellist john cellist john (ddo you see the visio n)
inspired by that painting (i believe it may be norman rockwell, i couldn't find any credits)
grian loves competition, loves fighting tooth and nail for first place, loves to scrabble and push others over, loves the exhilarating feel of winning
but then scar kneels and asks him to take his life and win—win for them—
maybe he doesn’t love winning so much anymore
When they were younger, odysseus asked penelope to marry him, and she said "i will marry you when you'll be taller than me"
Excited, odysseus went and built a chair, then stood on it next to her.
"Will you marry me now?" He smiled.
She laughed and agreed. How could she say no to him?