Cosmiconstance - Tumblr Posts

scrolling through my old likes makes me feel so nostalgic

starting the song of achilles. i’ve heard good things about it (and by that i mean it made a lot of people cry). idk what else to say besides the fact that i’m a little scared but very excited to read this.

future me, thoughts?

two days later (i think) and i’m back and ready to ramble! also, spoilers ahead.

i smiled a lot and squealed a little as i read, so nothing out of the ordinary. now i’m gonna drop some lines from the book...

His gaze, which had been following the circling fruit, flickered to mine. I did not have time to look away before he said, softly but distinctly, “Catch.” A fig leapt from the pattern in a graceful arc towards me. It fell into the cup of my palms, soft and slightly warm.

what was this. this. this made me squeal and i’m still not sure why. maybe it’s bc i would’ve squealed if i’d seen this in person... (also, i’m now realizing i don’t really like the way “squeal” looks.) but the FIGS the figs the figs!!

“Show me your hand.”

I did, palm out. He rested his own palm against it.

i liked this. yup, i did.

His lips were parted slightly, an arm thrown carelessly above his head. He looked different in sleep, beautiful but cold as moonlight. I found myself wishing he would wake so that I might watch the life return.

HELLO do you hear me screaming??? that last line in particular got me.

This morning he had leapt onto my bed and pressed his nose against mine. “Good morning,” he’d said. I remembered the heat of him against my skin.

i’m so... my heart was so warm. this made me so happy. it was just a “good morning” and a touch, but it was so innocent and sweet.

He ran at me, pushed me backwards onto my cot. Leaned over me. ... His hair fell around me, and I could smell nothing but him.

this... this seemed a little less innocent but still innocent imo... also got me smiling like an idiot. anyways...

He watches me. It seems that he is waiting.

he was always waiting for him to be ready. for him to realize that he’s ready. for him to take that small step. achilles was so patient with patroclus. and then the KISS omg that got me. i knew (more like hoped) it was coming but i still let my jaw drop. and when achilles ran off, i knew why... they were on the beach. but it was still upsetting. and my jaw dropped again when thetis lifted patroclus off his feet, hand around his throat.

“Patroclus.” Pa-tro-clus.

I did not move.

The knees lifted, and hands reached down to turn me, gently, over. Achilles was looking down at me.

“I hoped that you would come,” he said.

i thought patroclus wouldn’t be able to catch up to achilles but achilles actually waited for him!! he didn’t wanna go without him!!

Achilles’ eyes were bright in the firelight, his face drawn sharply by the flickering shadows. I would know it in dark or disguise, I told myself. I would know it even in madness.

this made me heart thump so fast. also when they talked about how much they’ve changed physically... and achilles traced parts of patroclus... YUP.

“You would not be displeased, I think. With how you look now.”

this. this is a great way to tell patroclus that you think he’s attractive. almost seemed nonchalant.

I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world.

this made me feel so many things. oh to know and love another person like this.

and then the prophecy... hector... and this line:

“Well, why should I kill him? He’s done nothing to me.”

somehow... i had this feeling... i went, yeah, achilles, you keep telling yourself that.

I thought, This is what Achilles will feel like when he is old. And then I remembered: he will never be old.

ouch.

His gaze was on me always, preternaturally sensing the moment when a soldier’s eyes widened at the easy target I presented. Before the man drew another breath, he would cut him down.

yes yes yes. i loved this. achilles literally protecting patroclus on the battlefield, like it’s primal.

His hands were in his lap, spear-callused but beautiful still. No hands had ever been so gentle, or so deadly.

patroclus has seen so many men fall at the hands of achilles. he saw, firsthand, the strength, speed, and accuracy of those hands and he still thinks of them as beautiful, gentle and kind.

but y’all... my heart dropped when patroclus said:

“... Put me in your armor, and I will lead the Myrmidons.”

he froze the first time he stepped onto the battlefield. i don’t blame him at all, but then he wanted to throw himself headfirst into battle. i thought, this isn’t gonna end well, he’s gonna die the second he steps out there. he’ll trip or drop his spear and it’ll be over... but he actually fought and he did it well. it was as if he was possessed by achilles, just by wearing his armor, which sounds pretty incredible.

but then he tries to climb the walls of troy??? idk what possessed him to do that, and then apollo... and then hector... and then pain. and patroclus couldn’t even rest peacefully bc he wasn’t buried properly bc achilles wouldn’t let him (or rather, his body) go. and when patroclus visits(?) achilles in his sleep and asks him to bury his body... and achilles wakes up and weeps over the body... y’all...

and achilles returned hector’s body, which made me a bit emotional. and then he burned patroclus’s body and collected the ashes himself and asked to be buried with him... that made me a bit more emotional.

and then apollo again and paris with the arrow... and i thought, well at least they’re together now. and they can rest peacefully, but nope. first it was:

His ashes settle among mine, and I feel nothing.

and then it was:

“A slave has no place in his master’s tomb. If the ashes are together, it cannot be undone, but I will not allow my father’s fame to be diminished. The monument is for him, alone.”

that hurt, especially bc patroclus saw this happening and couldn’t do anything about it. and then poor briseis... i liked her and i’m glad patroclus helped her. i wasn’t very surprised when she kissed him though, kinda expected it seeing as he saved her and was very kind to her. and she was pretty brave.

anyways, patroclus bonded with thetis??? and she added his name to the grave?? and (basically) sent him off to achilles!!!!

and then they finally meet again and it’s really sweet and i’m really happy for them... but there were little tears, which i don’t understand. maybe my brain is still trying to process this... but either way, it was a beautiful book. (maybe i’ll reread it one day.)

it’s exam season and i’m doing everything in my power to avoid studying

don’t mind me. just still not studying. just reading fics on tumblr. just about to cry bc idk anything about what’s gonna be on my exams. just gonna reflect on how horrible today’s exams went... yup.

it’s exam season and i’m doing everything in my power to avoid studying

fanfiction blows my mind sometimes, and i’m not specifically talking about the writing, plot, characters, etc but just the work itself as a whole. like those words are a piece of someone. a real person’s thoughts inspired by another real person’s thoughts and so on. time and effort and love were put into these stories, and some are shared with the world. not to mention they’re also not for profit and free to consume.

my tubbo merch finally arrived today!! the hoodie is so cute and the t-shirt is very soft!! they’re both a little big bc i rushed when i bought them and didn’t check the size charts but that’s okay! it’ll just look like i’m wearing my nonexistent bf’s clothes :D

so i’ve been playing cookie run kingdom for about a week now and i keep pulling pumpkin pie cookie and i know she’s a good cookie but how many pulls do i need to do to get a different strong cookie?? PLS I JUST WANT TO UPGRADE MY TEAM AND INVEST IN BETTER COOKIES!!!!

convinced my cousin to read tfota trilogy and this is basically how it went

her, few chapters in: cardan sucks i hate him go jude!!

me: NO!! TEAM CARDAN!!!!

her, few chapters later: aw i love cardan <3

me: YES!! TEAM CARDAN!!!!

her, end of the book: ugh i hate cardan.

me: NO!! TEAM CARDAN!!!!