Eat It Or Yeet It - Tumblr Posts
yet another post abt my mom
My mother used to attend Trinity University in Chicago, Illinois. In her last semester living there, she and her roomate, Michelle, decided to break all (most of) the rules.
One of these rules was "Do not steal."
So, she and her friend decided to be ridiculous. They brought my mom's Honda Accord to the campus, grabbed a bench, put it in the car, and drove away.
To this day, we still have that bench. It sat on my front porch until last night, when my mom and I were coming back to that house to get my supplies for fending off Satan's Waterfall. She was reminiscing, and decided to 'steal' the bench from my dad.
She put it in the backseat. I didn't even notice it. So this morning/afternoon/idk, she tells me this story, and shows me the bench, sitting on my grandparents' front patio.
I'm not sure how to feel, honestly. I'm conflicted between finding it hilarious and being impressed.
I Am Menstruating, So Here's A Period Thought.
(Yes, it's about aliens again.)
We, as humans, eat a lot of food that other animals can't eat. Chocolate, grapes, avocados, broccoli, alcohol (although I did once have a cat who loved beer), caffeine, almonds, pistachios, macadamia nuts, any spicy food, tomatoes, the list goes on. Dairy products, everyone.
I am currently having period cravings. For hot cheetos, spicy ramen, raspberry-infused dark chocolate, and hot cocoa. Any and all of that would kill a dog.
But, would it kill an alien?
I once saw a thing that said that chocolate is a universally poisonous substance. And sure, I'll stand by that. If you give chocolate to any species except for humans, they will die. Miserably.
BUT! And this is a large but.
HUMANS ARE NOT ALL-POWERFUL, NOR ARE THEY ALL-IMMUNE!
Pokeweed (a little, deadly plant characterized by its red stem and purple berries) is absolutely lethal to us. One tiny berry will kill us. Oleander, a beautiful pink/red/white flower, can kill with any/all of its parts. Nightshade, recognized by its bright red berries, kills in less than 24 hours.
Aliens consider all of these plants to be delicacies.
Zygerin chefs whip up fabulously delicious hemlock soups for their patrons. Ytertjjijkis bakers utilize nightshade, pokeweed, and yew in all of their most famous pastries. Aàkî cooks use Oleander and destroying angel mushrooms in common garden salads.
But yes, chocolate is deadly to them. And the other 99.999% of the universe.