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Dad, this you?

-Tommy

LITTLE GREEN ALIEN MASTERPOST

i am reuploading these bc tbh im convinced twitter will die,

i draw little aliens to show how i feel cuz i cant properly explain through text and like. heres a couple of them.

Are you ready, angel? | CH12

𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐞

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒: It all begins when Somi declares that she's on a sex ban for three months. You remind her of this when your life is turned upside down. And when everything finds its place again, you reconnect with him in a way you never would have expected.

You're new to this avenue of pleasure, Hyunjin isn't. Who can be better to guide you through this journey of self-discovery? And maybe Hyunjin has a few things to learn about himself. 

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: Hyunjin x Reader (female)

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: strong language, angst, slowburn, parent-child relationship, co-parenting, arguments, lots of talking, fluff, domesticity

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 11.7K

𝐀/𝐍: Confrontations and a city of feels ahead. There will also be fluff, developing feels and something that'll make you :/ at me next chapter.

𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐓𝐀𝐆 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @justoutfromdead @amelialistree @aerastus @purehyunida @danyxthirstae01 @moasworld @c-atitos @hyunee1 @bangtanskz @jisungsleftcheek @uwusforateez @keehoslove @hyynee @a-person-with-void @castielsfrillywhiteknickers @mtkdukart @ninjaleeknow @hiraemy @minaamhh @sermed @97lovestay @kpophoe22 @lyralurexrattle @arraby2 @internetmemeofficial @byunhoebaek @baekxhwa @dancingstan @hyunjinspark @vitrealislux @lotus-dly

(Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list)

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“Come here, baby.”

You keep your voice to a whisper as you draw your daughter out of bed and into your arms. She quickly melts into your body, and you allow the familiar weight and warmth of her to act as a comfort as you quietly walk yourselves back to your room.

It’s just past eleven, and you haven’t heard from Hyunjin since your last text, a far more measured response than you were feeling at the time, though you knew you’d regret angry sentiments messaged like that.

Though your body still aches with hurt, and your mind remains full of questions, you feel better now than you have when first arriving home. An afternoon with Hyunah helped, your daughter distracting you as you played pretend or drew together. And when dinner was eaten and Hyunah went down for the night, you ran yourself a bath and found comfort that way, letting the tension coiling through you ease in the darkened bathroom, soaking in warm water, quiet music filling the space.

Where anger had taken root in your chest, there is now only hurt and guilt, and you wonder now as you lay yourself and Hyunah onto your bed, why it’s so much easier hating yourself than it is someone else.

Hyunah’s face is relaxed in sleep, soft and precious where she’s tucked beside you.

You don’t normally do this. You are supposed to be the mother, the one to provide comfort — not the other way around.

But tonight, you can’t sleep, and you just need your baby close.

“I’m so sorry,” you say, barely a breath, your words are so quiet. Bringing your hand up, you run it through Hyunah’s curls, careful to be gentle. “You’re perfect baby, and I love you so much. I’m sorry he did this. I’m sorry that he —” Unable to finish the sentence, you choke on a swallowed sob, feeling the familiar well of your eyes as tears threaten.

Hyunah sighs, still fast asleep, but shifting next to you to make herself more comfortable. Her little chest continues to rise and fall with even breaths, and her button nose twitches just slightly.

She’s perfect.

Truly perfect.

And you thought that Hyunjin felt the same. Thought that he was proud, not… not ashamed.

Just thinking of the word, your stomach tightens with guilt. That you are even associating the word with your daughter. That you allowed this to happen, that you put Hyunah in a position to get hurt.

Your mind fills with apologies Hyunah wouldn’t understand, even if you spoke them directly. I’m sorry he kept you a secret. I’m sorry I trusted him so easily. I’m sorry I let this happen. I’m so, so sorry. They run on repeat, flowing through your mind as easily as the tears that eventually spill over, and when you fall to a restless sleep, it’s with a tear-stained face, the warmth of the most precious person beside you, and the resolve to never let anything like this happen to Hyunah again.

***

A cheeky-faced girl greets you as soon as you startle awake — from the slight ache in your side, you are guessing from something that cheeky-faced girl has done.

Hyunah’s got no concerns over using you as leverage to hoist herself up to standing, and it’s through sleepy eyes that you watch her take a few steps back, before launching herself onto you, making you grunt with impact.

Apparently Hyunah’s version of a wake-up call is physical assault. You will really have to discuss that with her, one day.

For now though, you simply laugh, using Hyunah’s position lying half over you to begin a tickle attack. And if you weren’t already awake, the responding squeals of laughter would certainly get you there. Hyunah wriggles in your arms, managing an easy escape back onto the bed.

“Mummy, Mummy, airplane!”

“You wanna play airplane?”

“Yes, yes, yes, yes!”

You laugh, your smile fond as you watch your daughter, eyes bright, curls a tangled mess, filled with such easy happiness. “Okay, come here, button.”

Shifting into position, you lift Hyunah into the air, balancing her on your feet, holding her hands to keep her steady. Hyunah’s delighted appreciation is reflected in her giggles, the expression of pure, simple joy, and you can’t even contemplate how anyone could see her as anything but perfect.

Don’t understand how Hyunjin could want to hide her.

Thankfully, before you can spiral too much, your alarm goes off and you are broken from those thoughts.

“Time to get up, button,” you say, easing your daughter back to the bed. She’s down and out of the room a moment later, and you follow once you have straightened the bed and silenced your alarm. “What do you want to eat for breakfast, baby? Toast or cereal?”

“Toast.” Hyunah’s attempts to open the fridge are futile, and you come up behind her with a smile, helping. Immediately, she reaches for the punnet of strawberries and holds them up. “Staw-bries.”

“Okay, some strawberries, too. Come sit here.”

You settle Hyunah into her booster seat at the table before going to prepare your breakfasts. You talk with her as you always do, you outlining the upcoming day: she won’t be going to daycare, instead joining you on some errands in the morning — grocery shopping, and then clothes shopping, Hyunah in need of a few new things as she continues to grow faster than should be possible — then, after lunch and a nap, they will go to the park.

Hyunah deems it an acceptable schedule, and only makes you chase her — naked from the bath — for a minute before she’s helped into a summer dress, and told to play while you get yourself ready. You allow yourself more effort than you’d usually put in, some time on your makeup, and a new, silky singlet top, in the hopes that looking put together on the outside will somehow reflect feeling that way on the inside.

The morning’s errands go as smoothly as they can whilst in the company of a two and a half year old, Hyunah staying mostly well-behaved through the supermarket, and later, the mall. Outside of a brief period refusing to hop in her stroller, but also refusing to walk herself, you make it back home unscathed, and with most of the items on your checklist completed.

Another, much easier one, you manage as you keep an eye on Hyunah eating lunch. With September quickly approaching, you need to garner interest in a trip you are hoping to take.

Y/n: Was thinking of camping at Jeju for dad’s anniversary. I think he would’ve liked it. Would you be free to come with?

You and Chan always try to do something to remember your father around the anniversary of his death. While normally, it’s a far simpler event, this is the first year you think Hyunah would appreciate this kind of holiday. Your father took you and Chan camping to Jeju a lot when you were kids, and it feels right to share that with your daughter now.

Chan: I’d love to, will just need to sort time off at work.

Chan: I think your dad would’ve liked it. He’d want Hyunah to see.

Y/n: I think so too. I’ll have a look at booking something in.

Y/n: Thank you. It means so much XX

Chan: Of course. I’d love to go again, it’s been far too long

Chan: Let me know if I can do anything to help sort it out

Y/n: Thanks Chan. I love you

Chan: Love you too, sap.

Your smile is fond as you read his message, and through your current sadness, you can’t help but feel excited, too. Your father would want you to share the experiences they had together with your daughter.

Closing out their conversation, you ignore the unread messages from Hyunjin and go to eat your own lunch with Hyunah. While you had plans for tonight, you are not ready to see him yet.

Though, if you’re being honest, with how you're feeling right now, you're not sure when you ever will be.

***

Hyunah’s been down for an hour when the doorbell rings, and instinctively, you know it has to be Hyunjin.

You have been spending Hyunah’s nap catching up on the never-ending pile of laundry while playing The Office in the background, and you fold the tee-shirt in hand, click off the TV, before making your way to the front door.

When you see Hyunjin standing there, eyes tired, face creased with confusion and sadness, you resist the urge to draw him into a hug, apologise for the panic you are sure has plagued him in the past twenty four hours.

Without a word, you step aside, allowing him inside your house. If you were feeling a little more bitter, you’d make a point to keep him firmly on the front porch — an indication of where things stand between them — but as it is, you're not keen on having any nosy neighbours tune in to what you anticipate will be a difficult conversation.

Still, you lead him through to the back deck, conscious of Hyunah sleeping in your room. Hopefully, as long as she doesn’t wake early from her nap, she will never know Hyunjin was here.

“Why aren’t you at work?” Your words are quiet but intense, and you can’t bear looking at him as you say them. The betrayal you still feel twists in your stomach.

“I took the day off,” he says, voice hoarse, as though he hasn’t spoken for hours. “I needed to see you. Sort this out.”

You swallow, eyes flicking towards Hyunjin briefly. He looks earnest enough, but you’re not sure you can trust your own judgement anymore.

“And what do you think needs sorting?”

“Y/n, can you cut the fuc—” Hyunjin cuts himself off, words rough, brimming with frustration, though he manages to ease it after a breath. “You can’t expect me to be okay after yesterday’s texts. I know you’re angry. Is this about Luna?”

Embarrassingly, you feel your chin tremble. You cover it by clenching your jaw, hope he didn’t notice. “Partly.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that yes, this is partly about Luna.”

Movement catches your eye, and you finally look at Hyunjin properly as he runs a hand through his hair, that tick likely reflecting irritation over nerves today. The earlier sadness etched across his face has certainly shifted, brows furrowed and jaw working.

“So, is this how you want to do it? A bullshit conversation because you can’t tell me straight what’s bothering you? You can’t be fucking honest, like you promised you would?”

“Keep your voice down.”

Hyunjin’s laugh is rough, hollow, but he does soften his voice. “That's what you care about, right now? Here I am, fucking tearing my hair out with worry. And you’re there, still so fucking together, like always, Y/n. Even when you’re obviously angry, you don’t have the decency to fucking just act like it. Be honest.”

His words hit their targets, and you have to draw a shaky breath before you can respond. “Let me get this clear, Hyunjin: you’re upset that I’m not standing here, yelling at you?”

“I’d prefer that over this, Y/n. At least then we could work through this.”

Work through what? You want to yell. You don’t get a second fucking chance. But as upset, as betrayed, as you are, you know it’s not true. You don’t get to make that decision, and while you can’t imagine it ever spiralling so far, you know that a court wouldn’t either.

“Okay.” Raising your chin, you blink back the tears that sting your eyes, and you hold Hyunjin’s endless gaze with a boldness you don’t feel. “I’ll be honest. Two months ago, I see you for the first time in three years, not knowing where the fuck you’ve been, or why the fuck I haven’t been able to contact you. Knowing, while you were blissfully unaware, probably thinking of me as nothing more than an old fuck if you ever did, that you’re my daughter’s father.”

“Y/n, that’s not—”

“Don’t interrupt. I’m being honest, Hyunjin. So, I know from the moment I see you, that I’m about to change your life forever. And even when I have to meet the girl you’re currently fucking minutes after, even when you tell me you’re still bad at commitment, I know I have to tell you. Because you deserve to know, and I don’t get a say in your personal life. I don’t get a say in who you sleep with.” Your throat works, emotion so thick the words are hard to get through. “Then you kiss me, and we talk, and we agree that Hyunah needs to come first in this.”

“And she is, Y/n. You’re the one who set those boundaries, and I’ve stuck to them. I’ve done everything I can to put Hyunah first.”

“Except telling her,” you say, your voice dropping to a horrified whisper. “She didn’t know who I was, Hyunjin. She didn’t know who Hyunah was. You didn’t tell the woman you’ve been sleeping with for months that you had a daughter.”

Understanding softens Hyunjin’s features completely, though anguish is quick to follow. “Y/n,” he says, voice suddenly strangled. “It was the first time I’d seen her in weeks.”

Oh.

That’s unexpected.

And you wish it changed things for you, wish it alleviated your anxieties, and reassured you of Hyunjin’s commitment. But it doesn’t.

“I don’t care,” you say after a long moment, shaking your head. That still leaves a whole month that he knew about Hyunah, and didn’t think it was necessary to share. That he kept Hyunah a secret. “You didn’t tell the girl you’ve been sleeping with for, what — three months? That you had a daughter. I don’t care how casual it is between you two. I don’t care that you haven’t seen her in a while. I just… I don’t care, Hyunjin.”

“Y/n.” He tries to reach out for you, but you scramble back before he can make contact. You can’t have him touching you right now, and you can’t worry yourself over the hurt that flashes across his face at the action.

“You kept Hyunah to yourself. Like she’s what?” A few tears slip down your cheeks, and you wipe at them despite knowing more will be quick to follow. “A dirty little secret?”

The term makes you feel sick to your stomach, and Hyunjin doesn’t look much better, in fact he looks worse, blanching at them.

“No. It’s not like that, Y/n. I don’t think of her like that, like a—” He can’t even repeat your words, shakes his head as though needing to clear them from his mind. “Luna’s just — she’s someone separate. We don’t talk about our personal lives, not really.”

“She’s separate?” You ask quietly. “Or we are?”

Quiet stretches between you and him, Hyunjin’s head dropping to stare hard at the ground. You hate to hurt him, but you hate even more that you have allowed him to hurt Hyunah.

Needing him to understand, you continue.

“Hyunah is the single most important person in my life, Hyunjin. And I let you into our lives. Into our family.” Your jaw trembles as you get through words that carve right into your chest, notice the shudder of his shoulders, too. “You told me that you were serious about this, and I trusted you. But… but what am I supposed to think now? That you’re only half in? That you want to lead two separate lives — one where you’re a father who loves his child, and the other where you pretend she doesn’t exist?”

“No.” He meets your gaze, his eyes wet and intense. “That’s not what I want. I’m in this, Y/n, all the way. I didn’t mean to make you think otherwise. I’m — I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too. For Hyunah. Because she deserves better.” Stepping forward, you encroach Hyunjin’s space; he needs to hear this, needs to feel this. “My daughter — no, your daughter, Hyunjin — deserves better than to be kept a secret. She deserves better than to have anyone ashamed of her.”

“I’m not ashamed,” he says, quick, harsh. “Don’t fucking say that I’m ashamed of her.”

“Please tell me what I’m supposed to think, then. Look at this from my perspective and tell me, Hyunjin.”

“That I made a mistake. That I had a life-changing bomb dropped on me, and telling the woman I’m casually sleeping with wasn’t my top priority. That I made a mistake, but I would never be ashamed of my daughter.”

He’s so close, and it would be so easy to just let yourself believe him. Shaking your head, you draw back, turning from him. You take the breaths needed to steady yourself before facing him again.

“I brought you into my life, Hyunjin. I was there when you met my daughter, my family, my friends. I trusted you when you told me you were in this completely, that you’d be there for Hyunah.” You wipe at your eyes again. “But I can’t reconcile that with this. I can’t understand how you wouldn’t want to share that you have a daughter with people. Maybe you’re not ashamed, but you’re… you’re something. You’re not in this completely, because someone who was… they wouldn’t do this.”

This time, when he steps forward, you let him. Hyunjin cradles your face so gently you feel like you could break. You don’t understand how one person can be the source of pain, but also the comfort through it.

He pulls you in, a half embrace that allows you to rest your forehead on his shoulder. Hyunjin’s hand shifts to your back, and he runs it in soothing circles.

“I’m in this completely,” he says eventually, low, serious. “I am. I love her, Y/n, and I — I’m in this, okay?”

You don’t respond for a long moment, the knowledge that you're about to hurt him further a deterrent. For Hyunah, though, you can’t avoid it. “I can’t trust you.”

You feel him tense against you. “Y/n—”

Making yourself pull back, you cut him off. “No. Just — Hyunjin. You’ve lost my trust. Not… not all of it, but I just—” You just can’t take his words at face value anymore. Can’t be sure that he’s as committed to this as he says he is. “Enough that it matters.”

His throat works. “Okay. I’ll have to earn that back.”

You nod, knowing the worst is still to come. “And, I think… I think I need some space. To figure out how we move on from this.” An aching breath shudders from you. “I need to make sure that no matter what happens, Hyunah’s going to be okay. I can’t — I just can’t let her get hurt again. Not because I let things move so quickly, and trusted you so blindly. She deserves better from me.”

“Y/n, you haven’t done anything wrong.”

Your smile is weak. “I have, though. But… I’ll learn from it. Which means, for the moment, we’re on pause. Any plans we had to leave her with you, to tell her you’re her father, they’re — I can’t now.”

Hyunjin goes very, very still. “You can’t keep me from her, Y/n. And you can’t keep the truth from her, either.”

“And I won’t, Hyunjin. I’m not trying to be cruel here. This isn’t a punishment that I’m dolling out just for the sake of it. I’m…I’m doing this because right now, you don’t deserve the title. And yes, that’s my fucking call.” The words are half-choked, and you watch the devastation that breaks across Hyunjin’s face. “I’ve been with her since the second she was born. I’m the one who’s supposed to protect her. And that means that until I’m confident that one fine day you won’t get up and decide that this — that she — isn’t for you, I’m not risking anything.”

“Do you really think that?”

“I didn’t, until yesterday.”

Hyunjin sucks in a breath, running a hand over his face. Turning from you, he gives you both a moment. You suspect that he’s as emotionally drained from this fight as you are. The kind of exhaustion that carves into your chest, settles heavy in your bones.

Silence fills the space between them, and that space has never felt so large.

Eventually, you voice the anxiety that’s nestled its way into your mind, that makes you feel sick to your very core. “Is there — is there something you don’t like about her?” You ask, distraught threaded into each word. “Because I just don’t understand. You told me she’s perfect, and she is — I know she is — but if you really think that then—” You shake your head, vision blurring with tears, though it’s clear enough to see Hyunjin turn around. “Then I don’t understand how you could do this. So…you need to tell me. If you aren’t going to stay, you need to let me know. Because, I can’t — I can’t do this. I can’t let her get hurt. It’s just — it’s too much…it’s too much.”

Hyunjin’s arms wrap around you, fierce and quick, and despite everything, you feel yourself melt into the strong embrace. “She is perfect,” he says, his breath warm, right against your ear. “I’m sorry, Y/n. I’m so fucking sorry. She’s perfect and I love her so much, I do. I’m sorry you don’t see it now. I’m sorry.”

You stay like that far longer than you know you should, though eventually you make yourself pull back again. He looks about as good as you feel, dejected exhaustion etched across his face. Guilt swarms you again, though this time not over Hyunah, but him. Knowing you're the cause of his despair. But you can’t let that guilt shake your resolve; you needs to do what’s right for your daughter.

“I need some time,” you say, after a long moment. “And space.”

“I understand.” Hyunjin’s voice is rough, and he doesn’t look to meet your eye. “I’ll give you whatever you need.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m not — I need to tell you, though, I’m not leaving her.” He clears his throat, his hands clenching to loose fists; you wonder whether in an attempt to hold himself back from reaching out again. “I’ll give you the time and space you need, I’ll let you call the shots, but…you need to know that I’m not letting either of you go. No matter what.”

You nod, divert your gaze. “I think you should leave. I need — Hyunah will be up soon.”

“Okay. Yeah, okay.” Releasing a slow breath, Hyunjin turns to the back sliding door, and you follow him through the house to the front. “Just — you’ll let me know, when I can see you both?”

“Of course. And…I’m not trying to punish you, Hyunjin. I’m just—”

Hyunjin nods. “I know.”

“Good.” He stands on your front porch, eyes looking behind you as if he will be able to see Hyunah if he concentrates just a little more, and despite everything, it feels so odd not stepping into his space for a goodbye hug. “I’ll see you, Hyunjin.”

He nods again, and turns away, and you watch with an aching heart as he makes his way to his car. With a deep breath, you turn away, too, closing the door behind him.

Once again, your tears are quick to well up, though now that he’s gone, you let them fall freely.

***

“So, how’s Hyunjin?”

“Hm?”

The absent response earns you a kick in the leg and a pointed look from Somi, as you rummage through the fridge to find items worth salvaging. Already almost 90 out, and the power in your area has just gone off. It’s shaping up to be a wonderful Saturday.

“I said, how’s Hyunjin?”

You shrug. “Fine, I guess.”

“Uh-huh. You wanna try that again?”

Apparently while you have many talents, acting isn’t one of them. You pull out some veggies to move to the portable cooler you managed to find, just thankful that you haven’t done the week’s grocery shop yet. Outside of some leftovers that will need to be chucked, hopefully you won’t lose too much.

“We had a fight,” you eventually admit, eyeing your daughter in the lounge to check she’s not paying them any attention. Sprawled out on the couch, buck naked save the cooled face washer sitting on her stomach, she’s taking full advantage of your laptop, watching an animation you set up.

Thankfully, the power has only been out for about an hour, but when Somi started complaining, Hyunah took her cues, claiming it was unbearably hot despite the effects of the aircon still at work. When you had given a pointed look at Somi, she'd been appropriately sheepish. Hyunah’s copying all sorts of behaviour at the moment.

Now that it’s starting to warm up, and with Hyunah’s insistence that she doesn’t want to go out, you've got the inflatable pool filling up in the backyard, and contingency plans to stay at Somi’s tonight if the power doesn’t come back on.

From the look on Somi’s face right now, like she’s gearing up for an interrogation, you really hope it does come back.

“Fuck, seriously? Come. Outside now. Then you’re bringing me up to speed on all the things you’ve been keeping from me.”

“I wasn’t keep—”  you roll your eyes when Somi kicks you again. “Okay.”

Really, withholding the recent developments from Somi hasn’t been intentional. You just needed some time to process. It’s not even been a full week yet, and while you have since found some reassurance in the words Hyunjin spoke on Monday, there are still things you're unsure of, your instinct to protect Hyunah remaining in high gear. But you haven’t spoken to him since, and so the crux of the issue hasn’t been resolved.

You know that you need to, but whenever you think about it all too long you end up feeling sick, an ugly combination of dread and guilt and anger tightening knots into your stomach. But as the time and space you first asked for now only worsened that feeling, the longer things remain unresolved, it’s clear this is something you can’t ignore forever.

Probably, Somi will actually be a good sounding board to help get your thoughts in order, a third party who, while fiercely protective of Hyunah, isn’t as close to the situation.

After slathering on sunscreen and hats, you and Somi manage to coax Hyunah from the screen and into the pool outside.

Hyunah’s attention is quickly taken by your toys, and Somi takes full advantage.

“When?” She asks quietly, as you settle in deck chairs to supervise Hyunah.

“Sunday. Or Monday, I guess.”

“So, a big fight? On a scale of one to ten, where would you rate it?”

“It’s not like I have that kind of reference,” you point out. “But in a word: bad.”

“Well, fuck.”

“Hey.”

“Babe, that girl wouldn’t notice if a marching band came stomping out of your living room.”

It’s probably true; Hyunah is clearly captivated by whatever game she’s made up for herself. “It’s the principle of the matter.”

“Uh-huh. Continue.”

“I don’t know. Well, that’s a lie. I know it was bad, but it’s all kind of a blur now. There were heated words. And crying. And I feel like I overreacted, but I also feel like I didn’t, because everything I said was to protect Hyunah, you know?”

“Protect Hyunah?” Somi’s face draws to a frown, a flash of protective edge as she holds your gaze. “From what?”

“I, um. Well, I went to his house unannounced, and Luna was there.”

“Seriously? Shit.”

“Somi.”

“Jeez, okay. Sorry. So, how did that become a fight? ‘Cause, I’m not gonna lie, babe, you can’t really be upset if he’s seeing someone.”

You don't mention that he’s only sleeping with her; it feels far too defensive, something of a comfort for yourself, when you know that you shouldn’t count that as a point in Hyunjin’s favour. “She didn’t know who I was,” you say instead, careful to keep your voice low. “Didn’t know who Hyunah was. And it was just a huge—”

“Mummy!”

Cutting yourself off, you look at your daughter, a ridiculous pout on her lips. “Yeah, button?”

“Juice.”

“What do you say, baby?”

“Pleaaase,” Hyunah draws out, before flopping rather dramatically into the pool. “Juice, juice, juice.”

“Piña colada? Best to finish the juice off before it gets too warm.”

Somi grins. “Can’t argue with that logic. I’ll keep Hyunah alive and occupied.”

You prepare the drinks of choice, and once Hyunah’s happy with her sippy cup and again ignoring the boring adults, you settle back in with Somi. This conversation will likely be easier with some alcohol in the system, anyhow.

“So,” you continue, after a hearty sip. “I’m sure you can imagine that was quite a shock. It really — well, after the initial shock, I seriously questioned Hyunjin’s commitment to this whole situation. It’s not that I want him to be introducing this woman to Hyunah, or anything — of course not — but knowing that he’s made the conscious decision to keep Hyunah a secret…”

“It’s shaken you.”

A rattled breath leaves you. “Yeah. Not only in terms of what Hyunjin did, but what I’ve done, too. How quick I was to trust him, and how much I’ve let him see Hyunah already. Anyway, all of those thoughts culminated in an emotions-running-high-accusations-thrown-around kind of fight, and we haven’t spoken since.”

“And do you still feel that way? Have those same worries?”

You pause, give yourself a moment to really think Somi’s question over. “I think with some time to process, I can understand his perspective in not telling Luna. He said it’s very casual, and she’s just…someone separate, I guess. But…well, while I can appreciate that, it’s like the cats out of the bag now. I still can’t help but worry that he’s kept it a secret for his own benefit, too.” A familiar lump rises to your throat, and you take another sip of your drink, your eyes finding your beautiful daughter, playing so happily and carefree. “The implications of that, they’re too much for me to ignore. I’m worried that I’ve rushed into this whole thing, and when Hyunjin decides he doesn’t want this, it’ll be because I wasn’t careful enough.”

Somi takes your hand, gives it a squeeze. When you look her way, her smile is kind. “I can’t imagine how it would feel, bearing that weight. But, babe, I will say, I also can’t imagine Hyunjin leaving. I know I’ve only seen them together a few times, but he’s in love with that girl. He won’t leave her, not after all the time he hasn’t known her.”

They are the words you want to hear, a third party reassuring you that you haven’t risked your daughter’s wellbeing, but you still shake your head. “But I don't know that. I just keep getting caught up on the thing he said about commitment, and I know it’s an entirely different context, but isn’t it still a red flag? And…and even if it isn’t, and you’re right, that he won’t leave her; the thought of him coming around and playing Dad, before going home to—”  you cut yourself off, shaking your head. “It just feels wrong. Like we’re just a side part to his life. We’re not — or Hyunah’s not — his main priority. So I told him I couldn’t trust him, that I needed some space. And that was that.”

It’s a conclusion that doesn’t reflect the difficulty of those last moments: asking Hyunjin to leave, knowing that with just your words, you’d hurt him. Still, they’re ones that you can’t completely regret, because while you can recognise that just off the single transgression with Luna, your response may have been an overreaction, Luna herself was never the issue. It was the implications of Hyunjin’s actions that left you reeling, and the decisions you made because of them, while hurting him, were fuelled by love, and a fierce instinct to protect your daughter.

Somi considers your words for a long moment, both of you watching Hyunah play. She’ll need to go down for a nap soon, and you're just hoping the power’s coming back on by then, or you’ll be dealing with a restless toddler.

“So,” Somi says, drawing you from your thoughts. “Probably the first thing I’ll say will be the least helpful: that if you’re worried about this stuff, it’s better to talk it out before you fight about it.”

Your lips twitch with a smile. “You’re right, that’s not much help. But I get your point.”

“Were you telling the truth about not trusting him? Or was it just something you said because you were mad?”

“I wasn’t trying to be cruel,” you say after a moment. “I truly felt betrayed by what he did. I do think trust’s been broken, but with some time to process, it’s not — not all the way, you know? It doesn’t feel like an impossible bridge to mend, like it first did.” You pause, considering your next words, a confession that feels far too revealing. Ultimately, though, you know Somi won’t judge you, and so far it’s helped, being able to share your anxieties. “I think I had this stupid idea in my head. That we were a family unit now, Hyunjin and I in this together, even if we weren’t together-together. And I’ve now realised how ridiculously naive that was, because of course it’s not going to be that easy. He’s going to need time to adjust, and he’s going to make mistakes. So am I. This has just shone a light on the fact, made me realise that it’s not going to be as simple as I’d hoped.”

“I don’t think it was ever going to be simple, babe,” Somi says, not unkindly. “It’s a complicated situation, even if things go as smoothly as they can.”

You nod. “I know. It was wishful thinking.”

“And the space? You said you haven’t seen him since Monday. How’d he take that?”

“As best he could, in the circumstances. Not at first, but I didn’t back down, said my piece — albeit with quite a bit of swearing and crying — and eventually he said he understood.” You sip on your drink, ignoring the memory of Hyunjin’s expression, his distraught plain and simple. “I think it’s been important, having time to process without him. But I know, even if all I want to do is protect Hyunah, I can’t keep them apart just because there’s the risk that it will end badly. They both deserve better than that.”

“I’m glad you’ve come to that conclusion, because that would’ve been a tough one to have to tell you.” Somi shoots you a teasing grin, and you laugh. “But…with the rest, do you want real talk?”

Taking a breath, you brace yourself. “Do I have a choice?”

“No. So here goes: you can’t be upset about his private life.” She’s blunt, but you appreciate that. This is what you need to hear. “In the same way that he can’t be upset about yours. If you’ve defined yourself as strictly co-parents, then he’s allowed to date, or even casually sleep with people. I can understand it might be weird, babe, but in that regard…well, he’s a free agent, isn’t he?”

You think about the kiss, the press of his lips against yours, the taste of him. “He is.”

“Exactly. When it comes to Hyunah, you obviously get a say, and I get feeling weird that Hyunjin didn’t say anything to Luna. But as long as he’s keeping that part of his life separate, isn’t asking these women to meet her, then really, he’s allowed. It is odd, though…”

You frown. “Because…?”

Worrying her lip, Somi looks at you closely for a moment. “I spoke to Yeji at the party.”

“About me?”

“Kind of. Well, about the whole situation, really. Just dissecting your personal lives, as I’m sure you can appreciate. When I raised this particular relationship of Hyunjin’s, Yeji told me he’d cut it off.”

“She knew?”

“Apparently. From her assumption that everyone’s business is her own, it doesn’t exactly surprise me. But, yeah, she told me they were through.”

“If I weren’t processing, I’d put more effort into teasing you about becoming her friend. But…okay. That tracks, I guess. Hyunjin said he hadn’t seen her in a few weeks.”

“Maybe it was a one time thing, you know? One last rump in the sack.”

Rolling your eyes, you elbow Somi. “Delightful choice of words. But maybe it's true. It’s just — if it is, that’s a bit odd, isn’t it? If they ended it, why would they start back up again? Objectively speaking.”

“Hm. Objectively speaking.” Dry sarcasm threads through Somi’s words. “The perfect segue to my next point. Babe, I love you, but you cannot be objective about this. And, if I’m being honest, you’re…”

“Just say it.”

“Jealous.”

“I’m not jealous,” you insist quickly, cringing at the defensiveness in your own voice. “Honestly, Hyunjin can screw whoever he wants. That’s not my concern. Hyunah is my only concern.”

“And you say that,” Somi presses on. “But I think that part of you is jealous, because — well, you get this part of Hyunjin, right?” Turning in your seat, you look at her, though you keep your gaze on your daughter, aware of both a need for a buffer — in what’s shaping up to be some harsh truths — and that you need to keep an eye on her as she plays in the water. “You have the part of him that’s a family guy, where he loves spending time with you and Hyunah. Where he’ll cook you dinner and go to the park and read bedtime stories. You have that, and I know how much that means to you. But then, there’s this other part as well. A part that you used to have, that you’ve never been able to forget, because the product of that is right in front of you, the best thing in your entire life.

“Only now, that part isn’t yours to share. And maybe…maybe that’s difficult, properly realising that. Because I remember when he left, Y/n; I remember how much you liked him. Those feelings aren’t easy to forget, especially in a situation like yours. So, yes. I think there’s a part of you that’s jealous. And while I know you’re looking out for Hyunah, and you want to protect her from getting hurt, I think — well, do you think, there’s a chance that you’re also looking out for yourself?”

The weight of Somi’s words stretch into a thick silence — not uncomfortable, exactly, but revealing. Drawing your vulnerabilities into the open for examination.

Because while you wish you couldn’t, you can recognise the truth in Somi’s assertions. They are all things you have struggled with, knowing how much and how easily you have continued to like Hyunjin, enjoy his company in similar ways — bar one — that you did three years ago. The addition of Hyunah has only deepened that, a shared love that bonds them. So while you know that you're trying to protect your daughter, it’s not out of the question that you're trying to protect yourself, too.

And knowing that that may be clouding your judgement, you need to look at the whole situation through a new lens.

“Has he done anything that’s made you question him staying?”

You let out a long breath, make yourself admit aloud, “Outside of this thing with Luna, no.”

“There you go.” As if sensing you need a moment, Somi squeezes your hand once more, offering a kind smile. “Just think about it.”

And as you watch Somi strip down to her underwear and join Hyunah in the inflatable pool, you do just that.

Think about how, despite the less than ideal first introductions, Hyunjin’s been on board from the beginning. Think about the guilt you know he still feels, having missed so much. They way his entire face lights up whenever he sees Hyunah. How good he is at story-time, committing to different voices, so pleased whenever he earns a laugh from Hyunah. How happy he is to chase her around and play games for hours, be a pretend-patient to her pretend-doctor, or build elaborate towers only for her to come knocking them down.

You think about his generosity, going at the pace you have set, not pushing you to speed the delicate process, just as long as he can spend time with his daughter.

You join Somi and Hyunah, and you play together until it’s time for lunch, the power and aircon thankfully kicking back on. You put Hyunah down for a nap, and chat with Somi about some easier things — though still not privy to the person your friend has feelings for — until your friend makes tracks for the afternoon, after a long, hard hug.

And through that, you continue to process in the back of your mind. Outside of him not telling Luna about Hyunah, Hyunjin’s not done anything to put doubts in your mind. He told you he’d stay, that he was all in, and you believed him. While the fight, the worry that he was ashamed of their daughter, shook that belief, now, you realise that you do still believe him.

It’s still important to be cautious, but no relationship, no matter what kind, comes without risk. It’s the inherent price of love.

And Hyunjin loves Hyunah.

It’s a vulnerability that goes both ways, and one that Hyunjin would have felt deeply this past week.

Recognising that makes it easier for you to pick up the phone and find his number. He picks up after barely two rings.

“Y/n?”

Even through the phone, the combination of relief and hope is clear, and your heart clenches with it.

“Hey.”

“Are you…are you okay? Is Hyunah alright?”

“Yeah,” you say, a tentative smile on your face, though you know he can’t see you. Hyunah’s looking through a picture book, waiting for the afternoon snack you're in the middle of preparing. “We’re fine. She’s fine, Hyunjin.”

“Good. Good.” He sighs, like a release of tension. “Is there something — do you want to talk?”

“Can I come over? I mean, can we come over? If you’re not busy or expecting anyone, Hyunah and I could come by for dinner?

“Yes,” Hyunjin says, quick and sure, his eagerness causing emotion to stir in your chest. “That’d be great, just — shit. Okay, everything’s a bit of a mess right now, so could you give me an hour? I can have some dinner ready by six or so.”

“Of course. We’ll see you then.”

“Great. That’s — great, seriously. Thank you,  you.”

Shaking your head, your smile wavers with guilt. “You don’t need to thank me, Hyunjin,” you say. “Really. Just…we’ll talk, alright? But you don’t need to thank me. I’ll see you in an hour.”

“Okay. See you then.”

***

“Hello, monkey!”

Hyunjin’s crouching down to Hyunah’s level as soon as he opens the front door, his hands darting out to give her belly a customary tickle. As expected, Hyunah’s response of squealing laughter is close to piercing, but you still manage to largely enjoy the moment as you watch on.

“Hyunje,” Hyunah giggles, falling into his chest. “Go up, up.”

His smile is one of relief and fondness, and with far more ease than you now have picking up Hyunah, Hyunjin swings her onto his hip. The kiss he brushes to the crown of her head is achingly gentle.

It’s only then that he looks past Hyunah, to you, his smile growing almost tentative, in a way that makes you guilty.

“Hey,” he says, stepping aside to gesture into the house. “Come in.”

You do, though after last week, you feel a little unsure of yourself in his space. But there’s nothing you can do about that now, other than get through it.

The mess Hyunjin warned you about is easy to spot, paperwork and books spread across his usually clear dining table. Outside of that, his home holds its usual warmth and cosiness, the lounge with pops of colour in the cushions on the couch and the photos framing his wall. Two bookshelves are filled to the brim, and he’s got a number of pot plants basking in the afternoon sun that filters in from the windows. You recall him telling you that Yeji was the one to buy him his first, when he moved to the city, and absently, you wonder if it’s her standard housewarming gift. For some reason, the thought makes you smile.

When you look up, Hyunjin’s watching you with a careful sort of intent, and your smile falters. While things aren’t brimming with last week’s tension, it’s impossible to forget where they last left off, and you know you can’t be the only one acutely aware of the conversation you will need to have.

“Thanks for having us,” you say, once the quiet moment lasts too long. “I know it was last minute.”

Hyunjin lets Hyunah down, and immediately, she makes a run for the basket filled with the toys he’s accumulated over the past month.

“Of course, I was glad that you called.”

Nodding, you divert your gaze, pushing away the gnawing guilt. You needed this time, and he probably did, too. “So, what’s happening here?” You gesture towards the dining table. “Work busy?”

“Ah, right.” Hyunjin offers an unsure smile, running a hand through his hair. He’s nervous. “Just some home DIYs, had to move some things in the interim.”

“What are you doing?”

“Just a colour change.”

A beat passes, and fuck, you’ve never been so awkward around each other. For some reason, it has your mouth twitching to an amused smile. Despite their fight, it still feels a bit ridiculous, how cautious they’re being with each other now. “Can I see?”

“Yeah. Sure. Of course.”

With the third affirmation, Hyunjin nods back towards the hallway, and you follow to where you recall he first pointed out his home office was. The door’s open, and when you peer in, it’s to find that all the furniture has been moved out, the floor covered with plastic sheeting, and a wet sheen of paint on the walls and ceiling.

Your heart swoops at the sight, your brain working to understand why this feels so important.

“Purple,” you state rather dumbly. A pastel shade, similar to the one in Hyunah’s room, that reminds you of lilacs.

“It’s still her favourite colour, isn’t it?”

“What?”

“Hyunah,” Hyunjin says, soft but steady, and  you feel the steady weight of his gaze on the back of your neck. “I don’t know how often two and a half year olds change their favourite colour, but she told me it was purple a couple of weeks ago, so I wanted…”

Your brain finally catches up, and the breath is knocked right out of your chest. When you turn to meet Hyunjin’s gaze, he’s watching you with that earlier carefulness.

“Oh. Yes. She still loves purple.”

He nods, his relief visible. “I’m not trying to push anything, Y/n, but—”

“You’re not,” you interrupt, and without making the conscious decision to, your hand settles on his forearm. Hyunjin goes very still, his throat working. “We’ll talk later, okay? But you’re not. This is—” Shaking your head, you cut yourself off, unsure of where that sentence would lead. “Just…for the moment, go spend time with Hyunah, okay?”

He watches you for another long moment, before nodding, turning back to the living area, and you follow. The grin that breaks across his face as he joins Hyunah, is brought up to speed on the game she’s playing, has your heart swooping once more.

Your mind, though, stays with that room, a hopeful warmth taking root in your chest, and spreading, drawing away the unease that’s sat there this past week.

Hyunjin is making a room for their daughter in his house.

It’s a balm to the anxieties surrounding his commitment.

They still need to have a serious conversation about everything, of course, but this is enough that for tonight, you can just let them enjoy each other’s company.

You sit down on the couch, listen to Hyunjin’s soft voice as he talks to Hyunah, and laughs at your daughter’s explanation of the day’s events.

“We swim today,” she tells him, excitement brimming in her voice.

Hyunjin’s grin twitches, a clear indication that he’s stifling a laugh. “Oh, you swam?” He effortlessly corrects. “That must’ve been lots of fun. It was hot today, wasn’t it?”

Hyunah nods seriously. “I play Hopsy and Somi auntie.”

Already able to make sense of her half-sentences, he just smiles. “And who’s Hopsy?”

Hyunah looks at you for an explanation. “Hopsy is your sea horse, baby.”

“Sea ho'se,” Hyunah repeats to Hyunjin.

“We got the blow up pool out because the power went out, didn’t we, Hyunah?”

“Yeah!

“And Somi was very cranky because it was so hot.” Hyunah nods to Hyunjin earnestly. “And Hyunah was a very nakey button today, weren’t you, baby? Didn’t want to wear any clothes at all, running and swimming with your little bottom out!”

Hyunah finds the assessment hilarious, falling onto her back dramatically and giggling. Hyunjin’s gaze meets yours and they share a fond smile, the first tonight that lacks any stain.

“Sounds like you had a very fun day, monkey,” he says, focusing back on Hyunah. Tickling her tummy again, he makes her laugh even harder. “Let’s see if we can have some more. What do you want to do before dinner?”

Scrambling up, Hyunah grins and shoots her hand up, though readying for a quest. She marches over to your bag and pulls out various books, handing them to Hyunjin with a very polite please, once you remind her of her manners. Then, without ceremony, she settles on his lap, her back against his chest, and waits for him to begin.

“Alright, here we go,” Hyunjin says, choosing one of the books and opening it up so Hyunah can see all the pictures. “‘The Angel's New Coat…’”

His eyes flick to you briefly, filled with mirth, an inside joke. You smile when he begins, and pick up one of the many books on the coffee table to flick through while Hyunjin and Hyunah occupy themselves. It’s 'The Iliad', something you have not read since they were made to study it back in high school, though his copy is far more worn than your ever was. Notes are scrawled on the side, parts of text underlined, and you find yourself more interested in Hyunjin’s thoughts on the epic poem than the poem itself.

You can just picture him, cozied on this couch, nose in this book. Brows furrowed as he immortalised insights on pages that, just from looking at them, have been turned probably dozens of times.

It manages to pull you in, and get lost in the words as Hyunjin and Hyunah’s voices fade to the background. You're not sure how long you spend reading, your concentration only breaking when Hyunah climbs onto the couch and into your lap.

“Mummy,” she whines, indicating it’s not the first time she’s tried to gain your attention.

Putting the book down, you smile at Hyunah. “What’s up, button?”

“Dinner!” She points towards the kitchen to emphasise the point, where Hyunjin’s pulling out some bowls. “Come on!”

It’s a glimpse of the attitude you're sure to be on the receiving end of when Hyunah enters her teens. While you're sure by then you will be calling your daughter out on it, for now you just roll your eyes and ease Hyunah back onto the floor.

“Alright, alright. I’m coming, cheeky.” Hyunah takes your hand and leads you on. “Did you remember to thank Hyunjin for reading to you?”

A sheepish look passes across Hyunah’s face, as she lets go of you to race towards Hyunjin. Hugging his legs, she looks up with those big, brown eyes that could make just about anyone forget her lapse in manners. “Thank you, Hyunje!”

His grin is quick and fond. “You’re most welcome, monkey,” he says, giving her head a gentle rub. “I love getting to read to you, you know?”

Hyunah nods easily, his question apparently a no-brainer. No matter the hurt you felt over the past week, you're thankful that your daughter’s confidence in Hyunjin’s appreciation of spending time with you hasn’t been shaken.

“What dinner?”

“Just some tomato pasta. I remember you liked that so much last time.”

Hyunah cheers, and you watch on fondly as Hyunjin helps Hyunah serve up three bowls. Due to the dining table situation, you head back to the lounge room, and after getting a bib on Hyunah — because pasta can be messy —  you start digging in.

Pasta is always good, but Hyunjin’s got the added bonus of being a great cook. Even with short notice, he’s managed to make it delicious.

“Thank you,” you say, after a very large first bite. “You really are some sort of wizard when it comes to cooking.”

“Not only when it comes to cooking,” Hyunjin teases, and for some reason, the comment makes you blush.

“I do appreciate it, though. I know it was late notice. So, thank you.”

He looks at you more seriously now, expression softening. “You’re welcome, angel. I really was just glad you called.”

You make yourself sit with the emotion his words stir, as the three of you polish off your dinner. It’s nice having someone else eager to supervise Hyunah’s very messy eating, and thankfully Hyunjin gets through it with minimal staining.

After dinner, it’s back to playing, and again you take a backseat, so Hyunah’s attention isn’t divided. There’s some pretend, and some drawing, and another book, and it’s only once it’s getting late and you can tell that Hyunah’s starting to fight sleep — in an effort to spend more time with Hyunjin, you're sure — that you make moves to leave.

Hyunah’s eyes drift shut the moment she’s fastened into her car seat.

“Must’ve been a more exciting book than I realised,” Hyunjin jokes softly as he leans into the car, his fingers running through her curls gently.

“She was excited to see you.” The words slip out, and you see their effect on Hyunjin, stilling for a moment, before he looks at you over his shoulder, expression filled with a world of emotion. “Thank you for having us over, Hyunjin. Really. It was – it was really nice. Seeing you together.”

Straightening, he turns to face you fully, his smile soft. “It was. I missed her. I didn’t mean it like that,” he adds, when you look away, guilt prickling uncomfortably at your chest.

“I know.” Clearing your throat, you make yourself return his gaze. “We should talk, though. If you’re free tomorrow, I can find someone to watch Hyunah. So we have time.”

Hyunjin nods. “That’d be good. I know, uh – Yeji would love to see her. Maybe she can watch Hyunah while we talk? Just so – sorry. It would just be great if I could see her, too.”

And if you have someone else mind Hyunah, he won’t be able to. “Of course,” you say with a nod. You feel comfortable enough with the woman watching Hyunah, if she’s just in the next room over. “I need to go grocery shopping in the morning, but after that we’re all free.”

“Okay. I’ll text you?”

“Sounds good, Hyunjin.”

His smile is tentative but warm, and he leans back into the car to give Hyunah a kiss on the crown of her head and murmur something softly. He twirls her hair, his gaze soft for his daughter and he presses another kiss to her cheek. When he straightens again and shuts the door, it’s with a look of hesitation, before he steps forward and draws you into a hug.

It’s the first time you have properly touched since your last hug, under much more difficult circumstances, and you can’t help but melt into it a little. His warmth and weight, his smell, it’s all so familiar.

He pulls back before it can draw on too long, for which you’re glad. “See you then, angel,” he says, stepping away to let you through to the driver’s door.

You hop in, and give Hyunjin one last smile. “See you then.”

***

Hyunjin: On our way. Yeji is extremely excited to, and I quote, “squeeze that little munchkin with all my force and never let her go”

Hyunjin: Should be there in twenty

Y/n: I guess I’ll go say goodbye to our daughter forever then

Hyunjin: Probably a good call

Y/n: See you both soon

***

Yeji all but breaks down your door barrelling into the house. You barely manage to get out of the way as she gives a brief greeting over her shoulder, and continues on, you're assuming, in search of Hyunah.

Meanwhile Hyunjin is looking incredibly sheepish as he awaits a proper invitation.

“Sorry about her,” he says, giving you a wry smile when you let him pass you. “I swear she's usually better than that.”

“Not a problem,” you reassure with an amused laugh. After getting drunk together at Yeji’s party, apparently standard polite pleasantries are no longer required. “Did you tell her why she’s here?”

Hyunjin’s smile is a little more awkward now. “Without going into too much detail.”

You nod, follow him through to the open living area, where Yejii’s already gained Hyunah’s rapt attention, letting Hyunah play with her hair. You are honestly impressed; it’s barely been thirty seconds. It at least bodes well for this afternoon. Hopefully you and Hyunjin will be able to talk, uninterrupted, until they have sorted everything out.

Hyunjin joins Hyunah and Yeji while you go back to the kitchen to finish preparing some fruit for Hyunah’s afternoon snack. It’s another hot summer day, so you fill up a sippy cup with cold water, and some glasses for the adults. The last thing you need is a difficult conversation followed by a dehydrated, cranky daughter.

Hyunah pounces as soon as the snack is offered, and you crouch down to speak with her. “Button, remember I told you Yeji auntie will be hanging out with you for a little while?”

She nods, stuffing a sliced apple into her mouth. “Yes.”

“Okay, now you be good for her. Hyunjin and Mummy are going to go catch up for a little while, and then once it’s cooled down a bit outside we’ll go to the park before dinner.”

You get a cheer in response, and laugh before kissing Hyunah on the forehead. While there are of course still tantrums and bad days, on the whole, your daughter is very easy to impress.

After a quick word with Yeji outlining some rules for Hyunah, and Hyunjin kissing Hyunah, you and Hyunjin head into the spare bedroom-slash-office. You thought it would be better than your own bedroom — less intimate — and cleared the desk of random bits and pieces so they’d have space, leaving the list you made earlier today, of topics to discuss, to the side. A second chair has been dragged into the room, and you offer it to Hyunjin now.

He takes it, and you take yours, and now that you’re alone, a distinct silence settles thick between them, neither of you sure where to start without the distraction of Hyunah.

Your nerves surge, and you grab your list. It’s covered with doodles from earlier, your anxiousness channelled into each stroke of your pen, and you sort of wish you could continue with that outlet, but it seems you’ll need to be an adult.

“So,” you say after a long moment, making yourself take a breath, and finally look at Hyunjin. When you sees your nerves reflected right back to you, relief washes over you. You’re both feeling awkward, and vulnerable, but that’s okay. You try for a smile, and Hyunjin returns it, kindly. “I’ve got some things I’d like to discuss today. I’m sure you do, too.”

“I do.” Hyunjin nods, his lips twisting to an amused smile. “Not as well illustrated as yours, but I do.”

You let the joke ease you, and decide it’s best to just dive right in: first item on list, apologise. “I want to say I’m sorry for how things went down last week. I’m sorry that I was difficult at the start, and that I said things that hurt you. It wasn’t my intention to be cruel, but I know it must’ve been frustrating, and hurtful, to be on the receiving end. I’m — well, I know how I can get, when I’m mad and riled up.”

“Thank you. And I’m sorry, too. For how it went down.”

“It’s something I hope we can avoid in the future. So I also need to reiterate, I’m…I’m trying to protect Hyunah here, Hyunjin. It’s my job as a parent, especially throughout this whole transition, so I’m sorry it happened that way, but I can’t apologise for protecting my daughter. So, maybe, I don’t know…we need to have proper check in, to make sure we’re both on the same page about things.”

Hyunjin nods. “That’s probably not a bad idea. And, I need you to know, Y/n, I’m glad that you’re protective. I know what it’s like to have someone who relies on you, who you’re trying to do right by. Yeji’s called me overprotective so many times I couldn’t count them, so I do understand.” He looks at you in earnest, voice low and solemn. “She’s yours, and you don’t want her to ever get hurt.”

“No, I don’t.” Embarrassingly, you feel your eyes sting, and you look away, blink them back quickly. Take a breath to broach the insecurities that still plague you. “And I know that hurting her wasn’t — isn’t — your intent. With some time, I can understand why you did what you did.”

“Not tell Luna?”

You make yourself look back at him. “Yes. I can understand why you didn’t tell her. If you hadn’t seen her in a while, or it was too casual. But...at the time, it felt like an indication that you weren’t all in. It probably doesn’t need to be said, Hyunjin, but in line with trying to communicate better, I’ll be frank: if you leave, you’ll hurt Hyunah. You’ll hurt the both of us.”

Hyunjin’s gaze grows deep but fierce. Leaning forward, he takes both of your hands in his own. “I’m not leaving, Y/n. I’m not leaving either of you. Just thinking about it—” He shakes his head, takes a slow breath. “You’re not the only one who feels sick, contemplating a future where that would happen. As long as I’ve got any choice in the matter, I’ll be here. With you two.”

His words hit with a force that almost winds you. Your chest feels completely carved out, your heart exposed. Though you know you can’t make the same mistake twice, you let his vehemence surround it, his promise soothe your anxieties. There will be more to discuss, where you will ask him for the evidence fuelling his words, but for the moment, your vulnerabilities laid bare, this is as good a start as you could hope for.

“That—” Your voice catches; you have to clear your throat. “That means a lot, hearing you say it like that. The other thing I wanted to raise is, I don’t — I don’t want her to be a side piece in your life, Hyunjin. I’m not saying you can’t date, of course.” His hands tighten around yours briefly, coinciding with the tension that crosses his face. “Or…whatever else. That’s none of my business. But I don’t want Hyunah ever thinking someone was ashamed of her, because someone failed to mention her existence. She deserves better than that.”

“She does. It was never my intention to make you think that. Of course if I started seeing someone, I’d mention Hyunah right away. That — fuck.” Hyunjin breathes out an awkward laugh, ducking his head for a moment. His smile is wry when he looks back up at you. “Without going into specifics, I hope that gives you an indication of how not serious things were between us. Because…I swear, Y/n, Hyunah is the most important thing in my life now. You and Hyunah both are.”

He squeezes your hands again, though this time it’s to emphasise his point.

You nod before diverting your gaze, his focused attention suddenly too much. Drawing your hands back, you take a long sip of water instead. Hyunjin follows suit, and after you have both had a moment, he continues.

“Now, do you want to go to the next point on your list, or can I say a few things?”

He’s teasing, and you breathe a laugh. “Go ahead.”

“Thank you.” After a deep breath, he gets his own thoughts off his chest: “I’ve obviously had some time to think and process this as well, and I came to the conclusion that while I’ve said things to reassure you, I haven’t really done anything to back it up. It’s — well, I wanted to go at your pace, and everything, but I think it’s important for us both now. To talk about making everything official.”

It’s the evidence you were hoping for, and you’re thankful that it’s something Hyunjin’s brought up himself.

“I can understand that you’d worry I’d leave, without anything “formal” in place. It’s not like I haven’t up and left before, is it? I’m sure that’s — well, I could imagine if it’s affected your trust in me, even subconsciously.” It’s certainly not something you have been consciously aware of, but you wouldn’t be surprised if that played a part in your visceral reaction. “I know it’s different now, but I still haven’t given you anything tangible. And because it’s Hyunah, I understand why you need something tangible.”

You nod, and it’s only when Hyunjin smiles, brings a hand to your cheek that you realise that a few tears have escaped. He’s far more gentle than he needs to be as he brushes them away.

“Sorry,” you say, embarrassment heating your face. “I’m fine. I don’t know why I’m crying.”

“Hey, don’t apologise. A good cry can be healthy for you.”

You laugh, roll your eyes. “Yeah, especially in front of your…” Unsure of how to finish that sentence, Somi’s words yesterday — about  your feelings towards Hyunjin, his role in your life — draws to the front of your mind. That’s not something you can discuss with him now, though, and so you refocus. “So, now that explanations and apologies have been made, I guess we can talk about how to actually make it tangible?”

“If you’re up to it.”

“I am,” you assure, and with that, you begin to discuss things properly. And just as learning about the bedroom Hyunjin’s setting up for Hyunah in his house did, while these topics aren’t easy, discussing them still soothes your anxieties.

It’s a sense of permanence that you need for Hyunah.

It starts off with Hyunah’s birth certificate, and legally listing Hyunjin as her father. And it continues onto child support, and childcare, and healthcare. They discuss the upcoming weeks and months, Hyunjin’s title, and the plans to leave Hyunah with him for a few hours, and eventually overnight.

The two of you talk, and talk, and talk, about all the things you had both planned to raise, and more that comes up along the way. It’s thorough and serious, and at points even uncomfortable, but what you need going forward. Neither of you want to do everything immediately, or stick to a rigid timeline, but there are things you agree to build up to, with the intention to touch base properly every week or so, so as to avoid further issues arising.

And while it’s of course not ideal that all of this came about from a fight, you both agree not to continue feeling shitty about it, and instead use it as something to learn from.

By the time you’re wrapping up, almost two hours have passed, and you're feeling far better than you were even yesterday.

As promised, the three of you take Hyunah to the park, Hyunjin eager to keep her company on the playground while Yeji joins you in the supervisory role, on one of the benches lining the park.

And in what you’re beginning to recognise is Yeji’s usual amount of tact, after barely any small talk she just goes for it: “So, did you work out your shit?”

You can’t help your startled laugh. “Yes, I think we did. Why, were you planning on giving me a good speaking to if not?”

Yeji shoots you a sharp grin. “Nah, not you. Would’ve had a few choice words with Hyunjin, though, so I thought I’d check now. You know, so I could plan out all the ways I could call him a moron on the way home.”

“To Hyunjin? Really?”

“Are you kidding?” Yeji’s eye roll is all dramatics. “I love him, obviously, but he can be an idiot at times, and he was with you. I’ve already given him a stern talking to about that woman he was sleeping with.”

“Luna.”

“Right, her.” She looks at you for a long moment, before her smile softens and she grabs your hand, on the bench between them. “I’m glad you guys talked about everything. And I know it’s not my place, but…he’s staying, Y/n. I promise you, there’s no way he’d leave.”

Yeji’s earnestness now matches Hyunjin’s earlier, and you again feel your chest grow warm. “Yeah, I’m getting that.”

“Good, because I’m serious. He loves you both. He’s not leaving.”

Letting go of your hand, Yeji focuses back on the playground, yelling something out to Hyunah and Hyunjin. You, though, just allow those words to sink in, and find root.

He loves you both.

He’s not leaving.

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Noooooo I’m not reusing the same tropes in all my WIPs, I’m just (checks notes) “creating an author brand”

have u ever had a depersonalization moment when you look at yourself in the mirror and think wow this person is me and i have this body and this life and everything feels so strange why am i me and not someone else

I just want you to know you can ask me ANYTHING and I WILL melt, okay. 

Ok bye.

Can somebody tell me something? Why does Skeletor look like he’s jerkin’ dicks in EVERY GIF I FIND OF HIM???

rb to knead your mutual with your paws

reblog if youre the kind of person that checks other ppl’s tags when they reblog ur stuff

If y’all are really about Black Lives Matter, support me. My name is Bella and I am a Black queer activist who has been doing social media protests for two months. They need more attention. These are some resources and information. Next Saturday I am hosting a social media protest to help Black people struggling with money for: HRT, top surgery, medical bills, food, rent, housing, and more.

Jacob Blake is more than just “A Black man shot 7 times” he is more than a statistic, more than a number, more than a victim of police brutality. He is a father of beautiful children and we need to have more empathy while speaking about this, his babies had to WITNESS THIS. Black trauma continues to be brushed under the rug and everybody continues to try to make us try to justify it. While I am grateful to hear he is okay, that doesn’t mean I’m not angry. Don’t stop demanding for justice! BLACK LIVES STILL MATTER! Protests have been happening for THREE MONTHS NOW. But there are plenty of victims of police brutality who don’t get to say they survived. I truly hope the officers involved get charged for attempted murder.

Please reblog this, this is a very important signal boost!

every single time i see a mgs character im just like. "ok. cool. wonder what wack shit kojima made this one do." and then a week later im frothing at the mouth just thinking about the vague concept of the character. i would do anything for this low polygon 3d model. im on the verge of printing out the concept art and hanging it above my bed. and then three days later i look at a different mgs character and think. "oh this one is kinda cool."