Hydrablogs - Tumblr Posts
"If the moon smiled, she would resemble you. You leave the same impression. Of something beautiful, but annihilating. Both of you are great light borrowers."
-Slyvia Plath
Where are you?
You were everywhere All over my mind, soul and heart.
The shining sky, The warmth of my coffee, The melody of the ocean, The blankets whom used comfort me, It all feels foreign.
Even my words, making me a fool. My pen falling from my hands, It was not the moon, sky, ocean or even my books; my legacy. It was you, my muse.
In the radiating gleam of the moon, There you stand breathtakingly. Occupying my mind, Blurring my thoughts.
-Hydra Lowe
I hate the clean girl aesthetic
Yes there it is. I hate it so much so much I cannot stand seeing teenage girls be fooled by "adults" who all have their perfect side of life showing.
I want my hair to be messy, I don't want perfect curls. I want messy curls with flowers in. I don't want to wear natural makeup. I want bold eyeliner, flowers on my eyelids, glitter all over. I don't want natural highlights in my hair. I want to light blue with dark blue roots. I don't want to dress maturely. I want to wear that strawberry top withy my burgundy tights and a white skirt. I want bows in my hair, not a slicked look.
I don't want "clean girl" aesthetic I want "messy witch" aesthetic
Yalnızlık
Çok yalnızım, mutsuzum
Göründüğüm gibi değilim aslında
Karanlıklarda kaybolmuşum
Bir ışık arıyorum, bir umut arıyorum uzun zamandır
Aradıkça batıyorum karanlık kuyulara
Kimse duymuyor çığlıklarımı
Duyan aldırış etmiyor çekip kurtarmak istemiyor
Bense insanların bu ilgisizliği karşısında ilgiye susamışım
Ümidimi yitirmişim
Biliyorum bir gün dayanamayacak küçük kalbim
Arkamı dönüp inandığım ve güvendiğim her şeye
Veda edeceğim.
Yalnızlığımı sayfalara doldurdum
Kaçıyordum her şeyden Yalnızlığımdan, İsteklerimden, Hayalleriminden, Eleştirilerden, Bakışlarından, En çokta o acı gerçeklerden; Hayatımı her gün zehreden, Beni mutsuzluk dolu bir geleceğe iten, Hayallerimin karşısında nutkunun tutulduğu, Bunaltıcı sorularımın üzücü cevaplarını benliğinde saklayan o gerçekler
Neden hayallerim yetmedi? Niçin uzaklaşamadım onlardan? Sadece uzaklaşıp mutlu olmak istedim Kabullendim de, denedim Acısa da denedim Ama… her kabullenişim sadece yastığımın duyduğu hıkçırıklarla bitti
-Hydra Lowe
Unfair
There is a sharp edge between healing patients when it comes to mental health and physical health. If you're recovering from a physical illness people will go easy on you, try to comfort you, even when it comes to strangers they will see you, understand your pain and they will try to be there for you. Only because they can see your scars. If you are recovering from a mental illness almost no one will understand you or be there for you. They will question you, doubt and blame you because it's your fault for thinking that way, why didn't you try to talk to someone? Why didn't you give yourself time? Why don't you just stop thinking that way? They will only ask questions and even call you names because it's not true Sometimes even the people closest to you will judge you and ask god what did they do wrong to have a "abnormal child" Because your scars are not on the surface
It is coming from someone who lived both of those hells. I stayed in a hospital for three months. When my peers were going to school, I was in bed talking to nurses or walking down the lifeless hallways. When I started school again I never once felt left out.
But when it was my mental health no one bat an eye, including my most loved ones, no one cared.
Is it fair? No, but no one cares.
