Incorrect Shakespeare - Tumblr Posts
Shakespeare characters as random things in my notes app
Lady Macbeth: It was so cunt of him to die
Hamlet, talking about Claudius: He looks like his hairline got a restraining order from his forehead.
Also Hamlet: After I found out I had a silly little mental disorder, I was like, “what if I went to England?”
Mercutio, angrily: If I was a shark, I would eat Tybalt.
Hamlet, with an idea for a play: I say, “beef jerky.” The camera pans to you, saying “No! Please no!” Then it pans back over to me. I am beef jerky.
Hamlet, with another idea for a play: I’m gonna write a one-act comedy of The Last Supper. Yes, “Judas, you’ve been awfully quiet.”
Laertes, to the tune of Creep by Radiohead: 🎶 I’m a crêpe 🎶
More to come.
Mark Antony: What’s wrong, Caesar? You seem a bit down.
Caesar: My whole day is ruined! I just had a seizure, Cassius looks at me funny, and no one wants me to be king!
Mark Antony: There, there, Caesar. There’s no need to fuss. Cassius doesn’t mean anything by the way he looks at you.
Cassius stands next to Brutus while eyeing daggers at Caesar.
Mark Antony: And who cares if a few smelly old plebeians don’t want you to take away their freedom by ending an era of the Roman Republic and ruling over them with an iron fist? You’ll always be king to me.
Caesar: R-r-really?
Mark Antony: Of course. Come on, Caesar, I’ll buy you an ice cream.
Caesar: Oh, boy!
Mark Antony and Caesar hold hands and skip merrily down the street.
Me desperately trying to hold onto my love for literature:
Shakespeare had the audacity to include so much swordplay in his plays cough, Romeo and Juliet cough and kill off half the gay characters. He just had to make it a tragedy, as if we didn't already have Hamlet to deal with.