Inner Monologue - Tumblr Posts

Burnt offerings.

I burned the piece of carpet two days ago. I know its been almost a month since we ended things, yet it's taken me this long to burn it.

the carpet as a symbol came home with me after a night at your place, nothing happened just cuddling, as I took out my clothes, it fell out of my bag, a small meak little piece of tan/brown carpet, I decided to stick it in my journal, and if things didnt work, burn it. I told you that, because I knew, and I know that I can be very odd, and I wanted you to know who I am, I wanted you to be a part of me. I shouldn't have told you, finding out who I am may have been the worst mistake you have ever made, and Im sorry

nonetheless, I burned it, I hid every thing youd ever given me away in a bag, everything still holds memories, but the big ones are tucked away. I avoided looking at the carpet or taking it out for the longest time, I guess I knew that it was symbolic of my feelings for you, and it didnt feel right to burn it when I still felt a burning passion for you in my heart. Its done now though, for I realize how much it is hurting both of us to have to carry the burden.

perhaps some years from now we will reconnect and you will ask me what I did with the carpet, and ill laugh, telling you I forgot about it, that none of this effected me, that you never hurt me. Perhaps not, perhaps we will fall into our seperate worlds, far apart from one another, two cinders in the wind, and we will glide past eachother, forgetting our names in the gusts that blow us past.

I burned the carpet, and I find myself wondering whether that was the right choice, you see I miss you, even still, though looking at you now is as looking upon some unfamiliar scene, I cannot help but miss you, though I feel I never really knew you at all.

I burned the carpet, and with it id like to say I burned the memory of you, Id like to say ive moved on, and I dont think of you as I drift to sleep each night, but I cant, because I do, and the thought of loosing you, scares me, though you are already lost.

i wish youd just figure yourself out. i know you dont want me, but you dont. you dont tell me you want me, not directly, not even slightly. i reached out to touch you, you didnt pull away, but you didn't push your fingers out to grasp mine either. but i know you think you love me. when we were, whatever we were, you knew i looked through your pintrest, your music, because i wanted to know you. you told me that was too much and i felt too much for you. that i liked you far more than you liked me, and that hurt. now youve been dropping hints, that you've looked through my Pinterest, or my music, and that hurts. it hurts because i know you dont miss me. you miss what i was for you, you miss what i could do for you. I was there for you when no one else could be, i gave you the love and affection you so desperately needed, and that is what you miss, not me. I wish you knew that, i wish you saw that in my eyes as i beg for you to want me. not what i can do for you, but really and truely me. you think im annoying, childish, a pest. you dont even know me. you think i talk too much, that im too loud, that i make the stupidest jokes, you think im annoying. and yet, you cant stop missing how loved you felt with me, you desire love so desperately that you're willing to push aside the fact that you feel annoyed at my presence, to fool yourself into believing its me that you want, because there's no one else you can have. but im more than just a last resort, I know that, i wish you did too.

Did you know that only 30%-50% of the world's population has an inner monologue?

Did you know that only 1%-3% of the world's population cannot see pictures in there head?

I fall into both of those categories. I do have an inner monologue, and I can't actually see pictures in my head.

So when I say anything along the lines of "I can see that" or "I can imagine that" I'm partly lying. I have to see a picture of what you want me to see before I can actually imagine it, y'know?

For example, you can describe to me, in great detail, your OC or a scene from a book. Unless you have a picture I can reference, I can't actually put those details together in my head to form a picture.

Does that make sense?

Anyway

I think my favorite discovery thus far in 2024 is that the only person forcing me to be an extrovert is myself and I have no obligation to be so. Also, I am not heartless, I just have an emotional family.

brushing my teeth after an interdimensional incident. I wash my face. I put the towel to my face and my skin flakes off as I turn to bone

I’m not strong; but I’m not afraid to be weak.

-probablyintenseomens

Me, working on an oc outfit: we are an ADULT we are allowed to make outfits SEXY and REVEALING

My brain: no the fuck where not cover that shit this instant