Glop----26 - Untitled - Tumblr Blog

your just so fucking weird dude get a grip

im in such a unique position at the moment, you see I told myself I would get over him, and that he would never come back, but now, he seems to be comint back, and I find myself going down a rabit hole. For the longest time I was trying not to get over him because I knew once I started I couldnt stop, and now I find myself falling further out of love by the minute as his love grows and im just so exhausted. I can barely handle the thought of a relationship anymore because its just too hard for me honestly. I cannot imagine how exaughsting dating would be for me, trying to always be my best for someone else, preforming romanically and sexually just for him to want me. Not even just him, for anyone, its so draining. For the longest time its only been him that id be okay with, but now I dont even know if its him. He's kinda weird, and I used to think it was adorable but now all I seem to feel is distain? the flirty back and fourths are now, on my side, covered with tiredness, the lack of my ability to put up a flirty act. Im tired of him wanting me and then pushing me away, I'm tired of hearing about his ex, im tired of being nothing but a rebound, im tired of not being treated like I matter, im just so tired. Now it seems like he actually likes me, after I put away all that I was to make room for him, I just feel empty. I keep thinking "if he wants me back hes going to have to do a lot to prove it" but honestly I dont even know if thats enough. I dont think I could move past this with confidence that he wouldnt just up and leave the moment things got hard because thats what he does. I dont think I could ever trust that he truely wanted me. Whats worse is that I dont think I want him to want me. Thinking about how our relationship would go, I realize we would have so many problems, and that honestly we might just not be compatible. I think fundamentally we just dont have enough in common. What he wants most from me isnt even me, its the love that I can supply him with, the fantasy, and im fucking sick of it. I dont know, maybe im selfish for not wanting this after everything but honestly I can't do it. I can barely keep up a conversation with him because it feels like he doesn't want to be talking. I do everything for him, and finally my all is enough, but my all has to be more than enough, why cant he just love my some, and my halfassed, why do I have to be 100% all of the time to be deserving of love, its not fair. The more he seems to post about love but not put in any effort, the more i start to despise him the smallest bit, and I feel bad about it. Its insane that its taken all of this to make me feel this way, its not even what he put me through honestly, its just that he seems to want to move on like it was nothing and that he can just like me now like nothing happened. Im not sure if he wants to be together, or just fuck around or what, but thinking about it now, I dont think it would make me happy, the thought of kissing him, or being with him in any way just kind of makes me feel blank right now and I hate it, because that's all ive wanted for the longest time and now its just, gone. Idk, feelings are a bitch

the two devils on my shoulder,

devil 1: text him I miss him

devil 2: I dont like him, please dont make me talk to him, I dont want to talk to him, i have nothing to say

“You deserve someone who answers.”

— Unknown

yeah its so nice that you actually texted me back after hours of being online and posting, unfortunately I can feel myself falling put of love with you by the minute! - sincerely the boy you keep not valuing :P

hold me forever in your baggy pants

whisper my name like im the only one for you

speak softly to me when your lost

I want to find you, every day I look

I want your hands, your lips, your eyes

I want to hold you when all you can do is cry

I need your touch, so Illusive and light

fill my head with your voice, your thoughts, your doubt

make me feel like im the only one for you

even when I know it's not true.

“The person you’re meant to be with will never have to be chased, begged or given an ultimatum.”

— Mandy Hale

i need my space unless youre the right person then dont go anywhere

“If flowers can grow through blankets of melting snow, there is hope for me too.”

— Tyler Knott Gregson, Haiku on Love

"no psh im over him i dont care anymore" (listening to his playlist, looking at his pinterest, looking through old pictures)

i think it says a lot that all of his songs are about not being able to love, and mine are about hating myself for not being loveable.

if you wanna date me you have to fight my 7 evil anxieties 

i really wonder why is it that i can't let go of someone who already let go of me...

- nick <3

the past couple times taking the bus, ive hated it. now the public bus, grandted has never been a wonderful place, but until recently i enjoyed the murmer of the bus, the people watching, standing so others could sit, the faint smells that you cant quite place but you know arent right. it was all okay, a short escape in which i have no responsibility but to get to where i need to go, and sit until my stop comes. recently i haven't been able to feel at peace because you invade my thoughts. i think about the week before you gave up on me, it wasnt a great week, but we joked about you just taking my bus. You had said you would have loved to, and i told you "next time". there wasnt a next time. there never was, and there never would've been. so many chances that we didnt take, there was an infinitesimal pool of "next times" forever to be a figurative realization of our errors. so now i sit on the bus, alone, the seat next to me empty, as it always was, maybe it always will be. how can i miss a ghost. a figment of my imagination, what could have been tourtures me every day, more than how you treated me, more than reality, your silhouette teasing me, whispering about what couldve been haunts me. i miss the memories we never shared, the person that never was.

“You can’t cling to the past. Because no matter how tight you hold on… it’s already gone.”

— Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother

“It’s your road and yours alone. Others may walk it with you but no-one can walk it for you.”

— Rumi

I'm making sense of it all,

Like a chapter almost finished,

I still have so many questions,

Why we didn't colonise the sky,

And sleep amongst the stars.

🌟 A

“Your naked body should only belong to those who fall in love with your naked soul.”

— Charlie Chaplin in a letter to his daughter, Geraldine

i cant be happy in forgetting you finally, because the moment i realize you've been forgotten, i remember.

youre posting about love, about finding the one for you.

im posting about love, about how you never wanted to be the one for me.

“Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met.”

— Unknown

If you were my boyfriend I'd clean my room, just on the off chance that you might come over. If you were my boyfriend, id brush my teeth just incase your lips wanted to hold mine. If you were my boyfriend id shower with the most viger, just incase your hands found my body. If you were my boyfriend, I would buy you flowers, hold you when you were sad, kiss you when you wanted it, smile when you laugh. If you were my boyfriend id do anything for you. But your not, and you never will be.

i just hate him, but more than i hate him i hate that it cant and wont ever work.

how am i realistically supposed to move on, when we were always just friends, nothing has changed in title, nothing ever did, we were friends, friends that kissed, bit, and held eachother. and now were just friends still, but i dont hold you, you hardly look at me, you dont even want to talk to me, not to hear my voice, just to get back to normality. you hate the way i act, you hate that i talk too much, too loud, you think im annoying, and yet, were friends? how can so many interactions, so many lives fit into such a small mold, "friends." so now, youre my friend, but i dont like being around you, you make me feel bad about myself, but when im not with you i miss you terribly. im constantly filled with this anger that i cant get out. im mad at you for giving me a chance and then taking it away, im mad at you for not knowing that you couldnt love me, im mad at the situation, because theres nothing i can do, no options that will make things better for us in any way. im just. mad.