Jaestudio - Tumblr Posts
him&sunsets.
every sunset enlightens you with immerse beauty of nature, maybe the whole idea of sun setting down for the moon to rise warms up your heart, entirely.
then, there you are; laying down on your king-sized bed staring at the sun shining as it slowly sinks down for the day from your window, a hand sneaks in your waist, grabbing you tightly. turning around to face your boyfriend, who has a lazy smile graced upon his face, caging you in his embrace.
“hi” he softly whispered with his hoarse voice, as he woke up from his short slumber. “hi.” you said back with your hands running through his thick hair, observing his face with admiration. your fingers instinctly travelled through his eyes, trailing down to his small mole below his right eye, his redden cheeks then finally to his pink lips. your hands landed on his neck, eyes fixed on him. god, he is beautiful.
“i love you.” he spoke up, leaning in to scatter kisses all over your face, gently, taking his time. tightening his grip around your waist as he tenderly brings you on top of him, cautiously sits up, back resting on the headboard. as he trail his kisses down your cheeks, you gathered your courage to pull him in a kiss, playing pull and push as he lingered over your lips breathlessly, teasing you to come forward just for him to pull away.
“really, now?” you chuckled, panting after the kiss, he returned a chuckle and a nod, as-if he did something to be proud of; you put your forehead on his shoulder, smile never leaving your face, you closed your eyes for awhile. your action gave him free access over your naked-body, bringing his lips to your neck, peppering his kisses down to your shoulder, as his fingers casually started tracing your naked back, creating random forms of patterns.
you giggled, instantly making jaehyun halt his doings, “it tickles, babe.” eyes remained close. “oh, is that so?” you could imagine his playful smirk as he spoke up, his hands landed on your stomach, he playfully started tickling you which immediately made you burst out a loud laugh.
the room filling up with yours and his laughter, the atmosphere around was soaked with nothing but love; yours and his, that made you feel whole, a happy person with the person you love the most wrapped around your arms.
maybe jaehyun made you love the sunset or the sunset made you love jaehyun more than you already have.
masterlist
a love so loud, yet so quiet.
now, you will not say or consider yourself an intelligent person or a highly-praised person. you, well, you work hard, you live earnestly; you have notebooks for individual classes, you have coloured-pens, you even have a planner to stay organized. it is not your fault that your grades does not cooperate with your effort.
however; you can not explain to any of your friends about your giddy feelings for jake. here is why you can not: jake, is popular, not just appearance-wise but academic-wise as well. such a famous face around the familiar hallways and famous name in your schoolmates lips. alongside with that, jake, loves being acknowledged, anyone could tell. ok, rephrase it as; he loves being recognized publicly: the attention. sadly, not a big fan of love confessions. or that is what you heard.
you do not, you do not secretly go to his soccer competition to cheer him up, you do not buy tickets to see his debate competition, you do not go to teacher’s room to eavesdrop his conversation with his homeroom teacher about his future universities, you do not know what time he finishes his class before lunch, oh and you most, certainly, do not go to library after school so you can stare at him while he is studying. so, if you do not, clarify why are you standing in front of him, and saying, “is this seat in front of you free?”
“uh yes, it is free.” he replied, and went back to focusing on his biology past paper. four words, and your heart is pounding restlessly and your whole body stiffen with a certain burn stirring in your stomach, your cheeks slightly red. you wanted to sprint out; but you are no coward. pulling the chair, you sat down.
next move, next move. your eyes roamed around the quiet library, anyone close to you can tell by one glance that, it is not your environment. “oh look it’s snowing.” you slowly started up a conversation, which you without a further ado, regretted those words from ever slipping out from your mouth. “I can see that.” answered you back, again. your heart was beating so quickly that you can hear it beating in the quiet room.
“do you know there is one saying if you confess to someone during the first snowfall, you guys will stay together for a long time.” you whispered softly, not wanting to disturb people around you; who unlike you, are studying. “so what is your point?” he dropped his pen in between his books, staring directly at you with a hint of amusement and a hint of confusion holding in his sparkly eyes. his intense eyes, with his oh-so perfect eyebrows, to his perfect-shaped nose and his plumped lips intimated you to its finest that you just shook your head.
the whole time, you attempted to solve some maths equations. math isn’t your biggest weakness; that does not mean it is your strength. you work hard, you live earnestly. millions of questions ran through your brain, internally screaming about it, since there is no way, in hell, are you showing jake that you, suck at, almost, all the subjects.
clock struck to seven in the evening, the closing time of the school library. you can see jake was packing up his studying materials being done for the day. “are you not leaving?” he asked you, your cheeks did not stop growing red. so, you nodded.
then, he left.
you threw your own arms in the air, frustrated with yourself or with jake? you do not know. you do. it is now or never, you assured yourself, what is so hard about confessing your own feelings? it is, technically, not even your fault? you did not ask to have a crush on him? it just happened. so you bolted out, with your bag on your back and your jacket in your hand.
you caught up to him, breathlessly. your throat running dry, “wait, you.” you paused in front of him, gasping for air, bending down after sprinting down the staircase and then catching up to him. “god, why do you have to walk so fast?” athletic legs. you questioned him, seriously. inhale, exhale. confess, leave. literally, bolt like the flash, done deal. solid plan.
“here goes nothing, see ok, i like you. not those girls who leaves love letters in your locker about 100 reasons why they will make you happy or those who leaves 10 different types of chocolates inside your drawer. i like you as in, even if you reject me, right now, i would not might. you do not know me and i only know you from what you show. but if you give me, one chance to show you my sincerity for you about my feelings, it will make me the happiest person.” your mother usually questioned what exactly did she eat to give birth to someone, as impulsive, like you. now, it’s your turn to question what your mother ate to give birth to you. “now if you have nothing to say, i am gonna leave. good day.”
“you scream the loudest during my match. you seem to be more happier than me when i do well in my exams. you also have this weird hobby of staring at me during all the classes we share. oh, and all of your math equations that you were doing today, were wrong.” after everything you said, you laid out all your feelings, bare, for him and he had the audacity to just say this. “listen here, yo-” he took a huge step towards you, leaning forward to match your height “to be honest, you interest me. so maybe, i will give you a chance.” he whispered, gently. letting out a chuckle, going back to his normal height, ruffled your fuzzy hair as he walks away, shoving his hands in his pocket.
the snow was falling heavily, almost blocking most of the roads by now; but you do not might walking. the warm feeling that was radiating within you was cozy enough to keep you safe from the cold. your cheeks has not stop turning a darker shade of red, your heart has not stop beating fast after his words; you are willing to do this, for your first love, since, you work hard, you live earnestly.
[you end up taking the bus.]
masterlist
you glow different, it’s okay.
“jay.” you sternly said, glaring at your boyfriend, whining about how unaffectionate you are in the relationship and how he has to initiate all the skin ships first.
“no, i have been wanting your attention for so long. i can not, literally, even sunghoon and niki could not believe i stopped playing games. i stopped for you.” he scolded, stressing out every word that he could with eyebrows furrowed.
you, almost, felt bad about it; however, you could not do anything about the situation you were currently in, “bub, im washing the dishes.” your gloved hands were occupied washing all the used plates and forks in the sink. jay blinked, as if, he did not buy the reason. “so?” shrugging his shoulders, casually.
you removed the gloves from your hands and you slammed it on the table to pass it to him. “if you say so, why don’t you do it?” his eyes widen out from the sudden burst of frustration out from you as he walked towards the sink, putting in the gloves. “hold my hand, now.” you set out your hand, motioning him to hold, “fine. you want to see how i-” he grabbed your hand, lacing up your fingers with his, “can multitask. i have to do everything first in the relationship, i swear to god.”
regardless of dating him for eight months, he makes your heart race just like how he did when he asked you out. “my man looks so sexy multitasking. i can’t just steal your spotlight now, can i?” you joked, tightening the interlaced hand. he was trying his hardest to surpress his smile that was appearing on his face, masking it with a serious face.
“look at you, looking all cute and sexy at the same time while doing the dishes. i must have saved the country to be with you, aint i right” he giggled, immediately causing you to giggle along with him.
he understood, by time, this is how you show your affection and he is okay with it. as long as you never stop.
masterlist
to be better.
get up from his bed, dress yourself and leave, you have to. he will be happy without you. you will be okay without him, happiness will bloom for you, smile will rise upon your face, tears will dry out and love will finally walk in, if possible.
you will be okay. so, will he.
you have to leave, you are not what he needs, the more you stay, the more darkness will cloud him: your darkness. you are not healthy for them, hell, you are not healthy for yourself. he deserves better.
getting up on your feet, you gathered all your tossed clothes, “leaving again?” jungwoo blankly spoke up which frighten you, unaware with the fact that he has woken up; jungwoo and you have been in this position multiple times: landing on the bed with arms never leaving each other’s body, lips never parting away from one another then the after-party of you shaking yourself out from his grip and the bittersweet feeling of the empty space next to him.
jungwoo never utters a word about it, never questions you about why do you leave him cold every morning. however, he did not need a reason from you since your actions spoke more than you ever did, “can’t you stay? just once?” he pleaded, eyes still sleepy, stretching his arms to reach out for you.
your heart was begging you to feel loved by someone for once, that it is okay to be held, to be vulnerable with someone yet your mind was demanding you to leave, you do not deserve the love he is willing to give and you only destroy people who tries to come close to you. but; what you wanted was to be okay, to smile with no baggage of feelings burdening your heart and your mind. so you chose,
“leave me some space, will you?” you chuckled, dropping your gathered clothes and settled down beside him, tilting your head with the support of your palm to look at him more clearly as he stared back at you with emotions too much to handle, you did not deserve this. “why are you not sleeping? you got class today, don’t you?” you played with the fringe of his hair on his forehead, pushing it aside, a fresh look, you assumed.
“im just,-” he sighed, leaning towards you, nuzzling his face on the nape of your shoulder, “scared that you will not be here when i wake up.” he softly spoke, the moment was too odd, too unusual for you but for him, it felt love blooming in all corners of his heart, he felt happy.
this was not the plan you had when you first decided to spend a night with him. one day started to turned into several days, then, came a wave of emotions that you have no idea of controlling: emotions that should have never been there at the first place. such a pity party for you. “close your eyes.” you covered his eyes, which he attempted to remove from his face. he had no idea of the emotions you were battling with but neither did you.
you leaned towards his face, slowly caressing his cheeks, “you are so beautiful,” you mumbled, your eyes did not stop admiring him. sometimes, just sometimes, you wish you were better, you wish you were not like this.
you just wanted to be happy.
“i am so sorry, baby. sleep well.” you kissed his cheeks as he dozed off.
you chose, to walk away.
masterlist
confidence is key.
“i am gonna need you to sit down properly, that is if you do not want to look like a clown. so, do not test my patience, love” your forefinger and your middle finger is occupied tapping the concealer on jay while he is busy being the worried person that he is.
ok, you are not the best makeup artist out there, you certainly do not have the magical hand to do the accurate fleek eyeliner or to blend two eyeshadows to achieve amazing makeup looks that is shown on instagram; what you do have is, confidence in yourself. that is enough for you to perfect any makeup. “babe, do you know what you are doing?” his hands fixed on your waist as you straddle on his lap, claiming that, it is more comfortable.
“i mean, nobody knows where they are going with, they just go with the flow and be happy with the product.” you definitely do not know what you are doing. after that being said, he looked less tense, shoulder resting in ease, trying to trust you with the process. eyes faintly observing you. while, you were now busy debating what to apply on his eyes.
“come here.” he slided his palm to grab your cheeks to pull you towards him, eyes shutting close as his lips settled against your lips, the make-up palette falling off from your hand as your hand instinctively grabbed his neck to pull him closer. the moment you and jay were having almost made you forget your main goal today: do jay’s make-up and make him prettier than you, anyone else but you.
“no, nope. do not distract me. i know what you are doing. it will not work.” you pulled away, however, he kept pecking your lips. his smirk was too evident on his face. cocky bastard, you must say. he knew what he was doing. “it was working, thought you would push me away or something, you like me that much, baby?” he raised his right eyebrows, mischievously with a smirk that never left his face.
“do not test me, babe. i can easily ruin your pretty face and then all the pictures i will take, for further use.” it was your turn to smirk, his face turning sour but eyes filled with amusement. “i love my feisty girl.” he embraced you with his arms once again, letting you to continue your task.
from doing the eyeshadows, to applying eyeliner where you redid it multiple times that his eyelids were turning red. you skipped drawing his eyebrows not because you were not confident, just because your talent might make him look prettier than you. can not let that happen.
after finishing the make up, you brought him to the only mirror you have in your room. “what on earth did you do to my face?” he turned, staring at you with an unimpressed face. your lips were fighting to hold a laughter that was about to escape from. “hey, come on now, you need confidence to nail that.” you said, crossing your arms as you walked towards your bed where your make up was laid out at.
an arm wrapped around your waist and tackled you on your bed, his hands securing his grip on both of my wrist, on both sides above your head. your laughter could not be hold as you were facing the result that was on his face. “jay, you look so beautiful? i can not believe i created a mast-” his lips shut you up instantly, your eyes fluttered close as you let the moment absorb you, whole. the grip on your wrist slowly loosen up. “since you get to do your-whatever -masterpiece that is on my face. it is only fair if i get to create my masterpiece.”
you regretted almost everything the moment he said that.
masterlist
☁ “ENLIGHTENYOURSELF.”
all work of this blog belongs to @ldhruby. tagging with that, all the fics I have written in the blog are purely fictional. The characters I have made the members portray are different from the actual person. with that being said, all the copyrights reserves to me. thank you !
NEOCITY
▸ JAEHYUN
ﾐ HIM&SUNSETS ┊fluff.
synopsis | to wake up with beloved next to you.
ﾐ FIND LOVE, FIND HAPPINESS ┊cheating, angst.
synopsis | walk away to find a greater love, a better love.
ﾐ POST PARTY ┊angst
synopsis | in two exes decides to let go.
▸ JUNGWOO
ﾐ TO BE BETTER ┊angst
synopsis | when you wake up alone, i hope it gets harder for you to forgive me.
▸ JOHNNY
ﾐ HOME IS WHERE YOU ARE ┊fluff.
synopsis | it’s buy one get one free but cute edition.
THE BOYZ
▸ ERIC
ﾐ SOLID GAME FOR ME ┊fluff.
synopsis | comforting is never a forte.
ENHYPEN
▸ JAY
ﾐ YOU GLOW DIFFERENT, ITS OKAY ┊fluff.
synopsis | with love comes weird affection.
ﾐ CONFIDENCE IS KEY ┊fluff.
synopsis | makeup challenge with a clingy gf.
▸ JAKE
ﾐ A LOVE SO LOUD, YET SO QUIET┊fluff.
synopsis | love will come back when it’s time.
find love, find happiness.
tw: cheating
“leaving so soon?” unfamiliar yet familiar arm wrapped around your waist as you tried to escape from the unknown man’s bed. the more foreign the arms were, the more guilt spread around your chest; the shame of your wrongdoings. with unspoken words, you got up and left the man’s apartment. the strange route to your apartment gave you another slap of shame, just shame.
the door; unlocked. your heart started racing, million thoughts ran across your mind. he knows. how can he not? the thing was; you ran away for countless reasons; not because you were scared but because you were not bothered by every action that could possibly hurt your significant other. jaehyun was different, instead of letting you sprint away to your wonderland, he would talk about it. so unfamiliar gesture by someone you deserve no ounce of respect from.
“where were you?” billion dollar question, but was it worth winning and losing him, so you lied. “i was at my friend’s house.” you uttered softly with almost no hesitation. shameless. you shut your washroom’s door as you finally saw your reflection clearly, on the mirror in front of you. the shame arising making you look away from the mirror.
you lied. you lied. for what? at what cost? at the end, he will find out, he will know what you have been doing behind his back. he will look at you with disgust and agony. he will be in pain; caused by you, because of your wants; your unstability. you. you are the cause of what you have become now. but; jaehyun is delicate, he is gentle with what he has, cherishes what he loves; he cherishes you, loves you yet that is how you repay him.
so, you twisted the doorknob as your feet naturally brought you towards him. “i cheated, on you.” relieve was not the first thing you felt after the unspoken words left your lips. guilt, hurt and the urge to hug him. the man stood still facing you, his eyes glitched with pain, almost not believing it. “no, you are lying to me. you were with your friends.” he spoke with his raspy voice yet he did not move an inch. the jeopardy of your relationship was you, nobody else. just you.
“listen to me clearly. i went home with another man who i don’t even know anything about. i just came back from his house.” you spoke with no emotions; who are you to show your vulnerability when all you did was, hurt others? the sun shine upon through the window of your sitting room in your apartment, your eyes glanced at jaehyun’s silhouette on the floor of yours, eyes failing to glance his.
“do-” he whispered, barely audible - “do you not love me anymore? is it something i did?” he touched your cheeks, as your teary eyes met his. questions, nothing but questions flooded in your mind; how do you comfort the person you have hurt? how are you so worthy to be held by him even now? “i do. i do love you.” because you do, there is no denying, you do. there is no understanding on what you did; that is why he needs to go.
“but why-” the man was lost in his own words, forming words into sentences as he questioned you with his clouded mind, “you need to leave.” you stepped away from his palm, warmth leaving your cheeks. so familiar, yet so foreign, so distant. why do you destroy the love you recieve from your own hands; why are you the murderer of your own happiness?
“this is so fucking stupid, you lied to me then told me you cheated on me, said you love me. now you are asking me to leave?” this was his breaking point, the probability of this being a nightmare was low. “you want to stay with a woman who cheated on you?” you raised your voice, his actions were laughable, how can he stand few steps away from you and does not scream at you? how much are you able to hurt him?
“i am asking for an explanation, y/n. why did you do that?” his voice was laced with hurt and anger as he clenched and unclenched his fist, repeatedly. “i am not good with relationships neither am i convincing you that whatever i did was a mistake so you can easily forgive me. not being good in relationships is also not an excuse. i simply did not think about you when i did what i did, last night.” you wiped your tears away from your cheeks quickly, glancing at jaehyun, who was taking in what you said.
one step, two steps away from you.
the more he dragged his feets away from you, the need to step forward was desperate. you wanted to reach for his hands and hold it. ask for forgiveness, beg him to stay, anything. “i am leaving then. thank you for everything.” he smiled, sadly; tears escaping down his cheeks. so you reached out for his hands; for him to move back, once again. your palm itched, itched for his hands, you want to hold him, so much.
“yeah, that’s okay. please, know that you tried your best in this relationship. you were never the problem, please please, never blame yourself for anything. god, you gave so much love to me. you have so much love in yourself-” you smiled back at him, maybe another time, another time where you know yourself better then you can cross path with him and fall in love all over again. “so fall in love again, please be happy with someone who gives you love and happiness. i will always root for you.”
-
the sun still shines bright, it’s april again. the cherry blossom is overrated in your opinion. you personally like sitting on the rooftop of your workplace where you can observe the whole seoul.
for now, you fixed your borrowed dress as you were about to leave the venue, “you came?” the voice you yearned so much, jaehyun, he wore his black tuxedo; how perfect for a groom. he looks happy. “i would never miss your wedding.” you gave a soft smile, you stared at his eyes; happiness, warmth, still comforting. he just does not look happy, he looks in love. “i am so happy for you.”
masterlist
home is where you are.
winter cold hit you on your face the second you stepped out from the building.
your eyes immediately admired the snow that was falling down on the ground with full speed. the coldness mixed with the warmth of your scarf eagerly made you want to speed home. “i have been waiting for you for one hour already. do you really not want to go home?” you gasped as you whipped your face, directly facing your boyfriend, johnny who was casually standing near the pillar of the building with an umbrella and an americano on his hand.
“should have come in. you are no stranger, johnny suh.” you let out a laugh, falling into an embrace of a familiar warmth, the feeling of home. johnny has you gone not because he makes you laugh till you are in tears or not because he takes good care of your family members and not also because he has held you, with nothing but comfort while you were vulnerable.
you are gone for johnny because of the way he loves to love. the love he gives is to fill the other person with homely feeling where the person can naturally snug into his arms, feel safe within his arms. johnny is that person to you, a home so comforting and so loving. “because i am here.” a soft yet small voice was heard from his back. you cooed as you kneeled down to hold the small little guy who had a grin on his face and lollipops on his grasp.
“did your father bring you here in this cold weather, bub?” you glared at johnny, jokingly as he shrugged his shoulders, sipping his americano on the side. “no, aunty, i wanted to see you. i missed you.” you felt the grip of his embrace tighten around you, so you did the same. “aunty missed you a lot today as well. do you want to eat anything?” he faced you, eyes filled with excitement, as he aggressively clapped his hands. “come. i will bring you there.” you let him go as he instantly held your finger, tightly.
“what about me?” you could hear pout in johnny’s voice. “do not sound like your child. i am your girlfriend, hold my hand or else. we are leaving.”
This is home.
solid game for me.
sports was never your forte neither was comforting people, especially if it was about sports. instead of that, you could debate about how sports pressurizes athletics to be nothing but a perfectionist. now insert your boyfriend, eric, who sadly lost the game by few points.
you understand that feeling thinking back when how your debate team lost a competition by 5 marks due to one of your teammate not giving the correct referencing. you did not, exactly, did a good job comforting the person because you were so driven by your selfishness of winning.
oh yeah, this is not about you.
your eyes immediately travelled to the crowd to find your boy whose shoulders were down and eyebrows furrowed at the video of their game for the evening. you slowly made your way down, walking passed people as you approach him. your eyes glued to the boy whose eyes were on the video clip as in habit, he bit his lips.
‘you did great’ ‘you were amazing there.’ ‘you got this next game’ ok. you are not the best at this job. “you were not that bad.” you spoke, instantly regretting your choice of words. his focus finally left the small screen, drifting to you as he let out a small smile; disappointment still evident in his eyes which used to twinkle every time when he would look at you after his game.
“hi to you too” leaning towards, he nuzzles his face on your neck. your fingertips sliding down his hair which caused him to let out a sigh. “do not bring yourself down. like i said you were not that bad.” you whispered softly, trying not to break this vulnerable moment between the two of you. eric is not a big fan of public affection; yet does not stop holding your hand or grabbing your waist whenever he gets the chance.
“so are you comforting me?” even not seeing his face, you knew he was picking on you. everyone who knows you clearly knows you are shit at comforting. the most you do is, pat their back as you let them rant or cry. but for eric, you wanted to try your best to show he could trust you about his fragility. not knowing what to say, you elbowed him. “what was that for?” he raised his voice, as his hand caressed the area you elbowed him at.
eric has many problems. he tends to neglect his own problems; labelling as ‘maybe not today.’ eric also has issues where he takes everything as a joke; not that he shouldn’t but he takes his own emotions for granted. you did not want him to grow as a person who neglects himself and gives more shit to other people. the society bullies you in ways where you have to stand up on your feet, stronger.
you grabbed his face by both of your hand. “look bro, i want you to not take this as a joke-” in which he nodded attentively, “you were amazing out there. i do not know how your game works but i saw you trying and that is important. you lost does not mean you will lose again. you are eric and eric works hard to get success. i know my baby. you got this and i will be here with you.” you stared at his eyes, your thumb instinctively caressed his cheek giving him assurance that it is okay, to lose.
it’s not forever.
“i love you.” he smiled widely, eyes turning into a crescent moon directly giving you a sense of warmth on your chest. “do you want to lay on the middle of the ground?” that’s enough of stupidity, you guessed.
more of my work here : enlighten yourself
‣ night view | jaehyun
status : ✎ writing . .
‣ gone | jaehyun
status : ☡ plotting . .
‣ fault in our stars | sunwoo
status : ✎ writing . .
‣ backspace | mark
status : ✎ writing . .
‣ let you in | juyeon
status : ✎ writing . .
‣ drive away pain | jacob
status : ☡ plotting
‣ question mark | hyunjae
status : ☡ plotting
‣ post party | jaehyun
status : done.
post-party.
“so, you want me to be in this call for how long?" your friend from the other line asked again, not understanding the use of you freaking out for the tenth time. the plan was simple; make your friend hear everything he was speaking, eat dinner, and bye-bye forever. they did say easier said than done; you felt like your heart is about to burst out from your chest, alongside with your hands trembling in nervousness and a slight flutter but you refuse to admit it to anybody.
the more you admit; the more feelings you will let in since you have been blocking all the invalid feelings the minute, he walked away without saying goodbye to you. who is he to twirl in your life again? after all the mess he created in your life, vice versa. "you heard me right." you said back, clearly.
the pathway was familiar for you, the small party you would have in the diner after breaking up then fucking with no feelings, and lastly, confessing feelings for someone else. the restaurant was most probably tired of both of your shit, and you do not blame it. you were tired too, but you were tired of the restless nights with no answers, tossing and turning in your bed after seeing him in your dreams and sneakily stalk his instagram from your friend's phone. you sighed understanding that you need inner peace of what happened happened, it is okay to put him in your past.
"you missed me that much?" you cracked a joke once again. jaehyun realized you have grown more carefree; you smile more and you glow. the y/n jaehyun knew evolved into the person he always wished you to be, yet he had a bitter taste in his mouth realizing how many hardships you had to go through to finally fuck the world to set yourself this free. "i left with any words, so did you. so our whatever we had kinda was left in the road." he initiated the conversation you wished you had years ago. you remember crying when he left you with no message, no letter or anything. he was just gone.
"you missed me that much?" you cracked a joke once again. jaehyun realized you have grown more carefree; you smile more and you glow. the y/n jaehyun knew evolved into the person he always wished you to be, yet he had a bitter taste in his mouth realizing how many hardships you had to go through to finally fuck the world to set yourself this free. "i left with any words, so did you. so our whatever we had kinda was left in the road." he initiated the conversation you wished you had years ago. you remember crying when he left you with no message, no letter or anything. he was just gone.
"you missed me that much?" you cracked a joke once again. jaehyun realized you have grown more carefree; you smile more and you glow. the y/n jaehyun knew evolved into the person he always wished you to be, yet he had a bitter taste in his mouth realizing how many hardships you had to go through to finally fuck the world to set yourself this free. "i left with any words, so did you. so our whatever we had kinda was left in the road." he initiated the conversation you wished you had years ago. you remember crying when he left you with no message, no letter or anything. he was just gone.
you acknowledged what he meant by 'left in the road.' even after having relationships with multiple people, he was stuck with you at all times; as if he never left you. the traffic he caused in your mind, all the new potential relationships you rejected with the reason being one day, jaehyun will come back to you. fuck jaehyun, fuck everything.
"here is your favourite dish. we missed you guys so much. enjoy." the manager served us our regulars from years ago. you and jaehyun smiled pleasingly. the heavenly fish filet curry with rice combo was the first dinner date with jaehyun, and it felt like just yesterday of you,- "you remember you nearly teared up at how good this was and i recorded you." jaehyun woke you up from the memory field-trip you were taking, so he remembers as well. "you remember?" your eyes widen surprisingly.
jaehyun shook his head, "you really think i would forget? y/n, i was fucking in love with you like crazy." he let out a smile, giving you a spoon for you to dig in. you froze still. ah, really, fuck jaehyun. taken back by his sudden outburst, you were left dumbfounded; what do you do with a piece of information like this? but this is why you are here in front of him. "aw man, really because felt like i was just your go-to girl most of the time." you smirked slightly, the unsettling feeling absorbed your chest as it started tighten thinking of how much he belittled you; even after knowing your feelings for him.
"i was young and stupid as i grew up, i felt the need to impress people around me to keep them. when we dated, we were so young but i knew for sure that i loved you. there was not one moment where i didn't." jaehyun choked out, "even after you broke up, i was mad at you, why did you do it? so i hated you or i tried. at the end, you came back and you stayed, no matter how shitty i fucking treated you and how much i used you." you inhaled loudly, as the tears blurred the image of jaehyun in front of you.
"i cried not knowing what the fuck did i do for you to treat me like garbage. you ran back to me when your girlfriend broke up. you would come back to me asking of doing this relationship with me again but the next moment, you would say you could not do this and leave again, making me feel like a fucking loser." you spilled out everything you could not do it before. in fear of losing him.
but you got nothing to lose anymore
"i kept you around because you made me feel better about myself. no matter what people would say to you, at the end of the day, you would be with me, assuring me that i was a lot better than what people say about me. i did not want to lose you in any way." jaehyun confessed, fist clenched on the table. as you stared up as your tears rolled down anyway. the burning sensation on your throat and the twisting curls on your heart hurt you. you wanted to go.
"but for me, i kept you because maybe one day you will come back to me. i know i did wrong, breaking up with you at the first place. perhaps, we would have recklessly gotten married or would have had kids. i always wanted t-" you clenched your jaw to prevent yourself to sob in front of him, "i have always loved you. even when you left without any words, i thought of you and wished you well. i hated you but i could not curse at your life anymore." you let out a sob.
"i still love you, jaehyun. i miss you, i miss you so much. you left me wounds but i learnt to be better for myself. after this talk, i wish you to stop staying mad at yourself, i want you to forgive yourself. let me go." through all the tears; where your cheeks are, most probably, red, you let out a smile.
he returned back, glassy eyes staring at you. "i am so sorry. i am so sorry. i wish i could take back things that i did. i wish i treated you better. you deserve someone who keeps you because they want to make you happy with them. i love you," jaehyun chuckled again with tears rolling down again. as his hand slide towards yours to hold onto it, for the last time. "i wish you nothing but happiness. i wish you have good days, but don't forget about me. keep me in your memories and i will keep you in mine. please know i will pray for your happiness." you tighten the embrace. his hands still felt home and safe but unknown.
he is not yours anymore.
maybe in another life, you two would be perfect for each other. in another life, you guys will find ways back to each other. "this time, i am really letting you go, jaehyun. thank you for loving me. please be happy as well." the food turned stone cold now, yet his hand was on yours, still warm.
letting his hand go, you smiled so did he. "thank you again." jaehyun stared at you with just adoration and sadness. he wished also, in another life, he will keep you safe with him; but for now, it is time to let go. "thank you." he nodded, and off i go.
putting your phone back on your ears, "it's okay, y/n. i am proud of you, baby. cry your heart out for the last time."
so you did.
side-note. break-ups are messy but what’s messier but braver is talking, no matter how long it takes. it’s good to let them know that you are ready to set them free from your mind and from your heart. the whole drabble is messy in a way because i picture when you talk to someone who you have hurt and who has hurt you, it is gonna be messy because you do not know where to start and where to end. it will be all over the place. but i hope the pain eases when you let it go, let it heal. so please be free, do not hurt yourself anymore and i will do the same.
happy reading till then. x