Jaehyun Angst - Tumblr Posts

THE WAY IT WAS WRITTEN. JAIL.

make a mess for me -> jung jaehyun (m)

contents: jaehyun x female! reader, smut without plot, no relationship established, riding his abs, pet names, dirty talk (?) wc: 1k

masterlist

18+ minors do not interact !

every sound, sight, and touch is absolutely electrifying. your senses are all heightened, soaking in the details around you and storing them for memory; the dim light in the room that makes your vision foggy, your lips wetly smacking on one another's, breathing each other's air... in this moment, it feels as though the world has completely stopped spinning—just for the two of you.

your head tilts back, body helplessly grinding down to meet his in search of friction. even with the obstruction of his underwear and joggers, you can feel the outline of his entire length sliding up and down your core. his tip presses so wonderfully into your clit each time he rocks his hips, growing harder and harder beneath you.

when you try to speed up your movements, jaehyun tightens his grip on your waist, calming your eagerness—he intends to edge you for as long as he can, until you're squirming above him.

"please, jae-" your high-pitched whine is cut off by his kiss, lips swollen and puffy and pressing against yours with so much fervor.

despite the fact that you're completely naked, sat on his lap and exposed for him to see, jaehyun remains fully dressed. with a pout on your lips, you reach under his shirt and jaehyun leans back so that you can discard it for him easily.

as your eyes dance over his bare torso in awe, the pad of your finger lightly traces each indentation of his muscles, "you're so pretty," you praise, looking at his skin distractedly.

although he appreciates your compliment, he's quick to redirect your attention. jaehyun bucks his hips up, pressing himself directly against your arousal. when you gasp, his lip curls up into a satisfied smirk, hands sliding up to cup your breasts.

"damn, you're so wet,"

you glance down between your legs at the spot where your groins meet, finding that a round, wet stain has darkened the gray material of his pants—a mix of your arousal and his precum. instinctively, your bottom lip tucks into your teeth, and you hiss as he rolls his hips into you again, making the wetness spread more. even then, your hands stay on his stomach, greedily caressing him.

upon noticing your fixation, jaehyun searches for your gaze, "baby?"

you hum in response, looking up to meet his glossed over eyes.

"what're you doing?"

"i wanna try something," you mumble shyly.

he snickers, leaning in to kiss your neck and whisper into it, "what's that, baby?"

"can i-" your voice is breathy and shaky, wavering with nerves, "-can i ride your abs? please?"

for a second, he goes absolutely quiet, leaning back to look at your face again. your cheeks are glowing red in embarrassment, and you're about to take it back when his tongue darts out to wet his lips, eyes watching you through half-lids.

"shit. that's so hot. and you asked so nicely, sweetheart. of course, we can try that." suddenly, he forgets entirely about his plan to edge you, settling contently for being the one who is edged.

he can watch you fall apart above him while he's unable to touch himself? the idea is mouth-watering.

ardently, he lies back with both hands on your ass, guiding you forward so that you hover over his abdomen, flexed and covered with the sheerest layer of sweat.

"i love having you on display like this. fuck, baby, come on," he tugs you down, eager to watch you crumble. hesitantly, you slide against him once, shuddering as your clit makes contact with every ridge and muscle. his breath hitches, watching you with his jaw gone slack.

as if testing the waters, you repeat your actions, letting out the smallest cry of pleasure. jaehyun tries to let you go at your pace and set your own rhythm, especially since this is something you want to try. usually, you let him explore his impulses without protest, so it's only fair that he should do the same for you.

but by the fifth time you rub against him, pretty pussy leaving a glistening wet trail on his skin only to lift back up again, he decides he's had enough.

"you're killing me," he groans. in one smooth gesture, he grabs your forearms and tugs you down to press you flush against him. you let out a moan, obediently moving as you understand that's what he wants.

and god, does it feel so indescribably good, every curb hitting exactly where it needs to. you wanted to watch him beneath you, look into his eyes as you came on top of him, but your eyes are screwed shut instead, and the only thought in your head is why haven't i done this before?

your brow furrows as you pick up speed, sighing out with desperation. jaehyun gazes at you intently, "how does it feel?"

"oh, god, jaehyun. it feels really fucking good."

"keep going, baby. go faster, make a mess for me," he slides hands down your arms until he's linking his fingers with yours, keeping you steady above him as you oblige, grinding your self on him.

the sight of you like this is so obscene and dirty that his dick twitches in his pants; it's begging to be touched, to be sucked in by your tight cunt, but he's enjoying the show you're putting on for him a bit too much to rush you any more than he already has. when he feels you start pulsing against him, his tongue presses into his cheek.

"i'm so close-"

"i feel it baby, i feel you against me. be a good girl and come for me."

in that moment, jaehyun flexes, and you immediately moan out his name, the bliss between your legs so intense that you swear you can see an entire galaxy of stars behind your eyelids. he drops your hands onto his chest where you hold yourself up.

jaehyun grips your thighs and hips like putty, hard enough to leave a bruise. he rocks you, urging you to keep moving until you're so overstimulated that your juices are dripping on either side of him, coating your thighs and wetting the sheets.

"fuck, fuck." you whimper.

your entire being is trembling as you come down, but the boy beneath you gives you no time to recover. his arms wrap around your waist as he flips you over, warm tongue attaching itself to your skin, swiping along the expanse of your collar bones and chest.

"baby, look at what you did to me," he grunts out.

with one hand spreading your legs, the other toying with your nipple, jaehyun presses himself up against you, rutting into your sensitive core and letting you feel just how turned on your little idea made him.

ੈ♡.*·

ANGUSTIA. A LAS 10 AM , POR QUÉEE POBRE JAEEE 😭😭😭

your fate, my karma

jung jaehyun x fem!reader

wc: 11.7k

synopsis: jaehyun realizes he’s in love with you. it’s fucked, especially because he rejected you once before. he doesn’t want to ruin what he has with you. but he can’t help it, it’s like he was made to see and touch you. he doesn’t know how much longer he can hold in his secret.

warnings: angst, little fluff, friends with benefits, pining, one sided love, confession, argument, smut (MDNI), desperate jaehyun, unprotected sex (pulling out), possessiveness and jealousy, dialogue heavy at some parts

heavily inspired by somethin’ stupid - frank sinatra

part three to the how it all goes series!

you're laid back onto his bed, heavy breaths fanned across your face. on top of you is jaehyun, cheeks dusted with pink as his fingers are still move inside of you. “stop already,” you huff out a laugh, “i might die if you make me cum one more time.”

he chuckles at your words and slowly pulls his fingers out of you, sucking obscenely on them just to annoy you. it works, and you cover your eyes to get the image out of your head. you don’t offer to help him out, and he doesn’t ask for any favors.

he’s not really sure how his friendship with you got to this point. if he could put it simply, you told him that you had feelings for him, asking if he felt the same way. he said that he wasn’t ready for a relationship, that he wasn’t ready to be so vulnerable in front of another person. he still wanted to be friends with you. 

he remembers seeing sadness flash through your eyes, but you just smiled at him and accepted the answer that you got. in a way, jaehyun wished he could like you back, he hated the way he hurt you, but he just wasn’t ready. you were wary around him, trying to hide the hurt that he caused you. he couldn’t bear to see it, and hated how much you were hiding from him.

which is how he finds you next to him, curled up in his bed after he’s made you cum. he knows it probably wasn’t the best idea to propose, but he didn’t know how else he could keep you close. when he explains it to himself in his head, it sounds shitty, makes him feel a little fucked up. he tries to justify it, but really, all of this is a temporary fix to keep you close to him.

despite all the grey areas in his friendship with you, he’s certain about one thing: he really does like having you around. he’s chalked it up to his feelings just being from how long he’s known you, but he knows that there’s something else he doesn’t want to admit. because one, it’s fucked. two, he’s rejected you. three, he can’t like you.

he can’t like like you. he doesn’t even want to imagine thinking about the other word, but it plays at the back of his head sometimes. he hears it when you’re both out at a bar together, watching you drunkenly cling to his side. he hears it when you’re at his apartment after work. he hears it when your eyes look up at his when you drop to your knees.

he can hear it even now as you lay next to him, curled up into his side as your breaths even out. it doesn’t feel weird that he can feel your naked body against his, his best friend comfortably laid up next to him. is it so wrong of him to want this? you became more comfortable around him again after he had sex with you. he knows it’s just a temporary solution.

he can feel your breaths across his chest, your face nuzzling closer to him. he could move you away, could create a clearer boundary between the two of you. he feels a little selfish when he lets you stay there, deciding to wrap an arm around your shoulders as he pushes you closer. it’s not fair to either of you, he’s not your boyfriend, he shouldn’t be this close to you. 

it’s quiet in his room, save for the sound of cars driving down the road and the occasional huff you let out in your sleep. he isn’t tired at all, too lost in his thoughts as he stares up at the ceiling, the warmth of your body taking up all his thoughts. if he could, he would go back in time and stop you from confessing. he would’ve done it himself in the future, he just needed a little more time.

he can’t blame you though. it’s his fault for rejecting you, it’s his fault for thinking that he could make something happen out of this. there’s a small part of his heart that believes that you could like him again. you wouldn’t come back to him for sex every night, right? but the more realistic part of him knows that it could mean anything.

which is why he can’t stop you coming to him when you’re needy. it’s not even just those times, but he doesn’t think he could ever willingly cut you off. he likes spending time with you, and above everything else, you’re his friend.

he just can’t help but wish it could be a little more than that.

you always ask jaehyun to come over if he has the time.

as you both have grown older, it feels like you both have lost more and more time. when you were both college students, it was easy to skip a few classes and go to parties each night. but now as adults, it’s hard to find time for each other. which is why you ask him to go do mundane tasks with you, like buying groceries or trying on clothes.

today it’s going over to eat with him.

before he rejected you, it felt special to be invited to do these kinds of things with him. out of all the people he could’ve asked, he chose you. it didn’t take long for you to realize that, no, jaehyun asking you to spend time with him meant nothing but him being friendly. it’s weird looking back at how much you wanted jaehyun to like you more than a friend. 

as you make your way to his apartment, you realize how much time you spent just wishing for something to happen between you two. you wonder if it was something that was ever supposed to happen between you, or maybe if the timing just wasn’t right. you used to find yourself thinking about the what ifs after he had freshly rejected you. but now, you try to focus on what you have.

he’s just your friend, and you’re close to accepting that it’ll probably never be more than that. 

when you make it to his apartment, you don’t see him right away. you call out his name, hearing his voice from his kitchen. when you head over, you’re expecting a nice meal laid out for the two of you to eat. instead, you’re greeted by jaehyun standing by the stove, a stupid smile on his face as he greets you.

“so, you invite me over to come and eat.”

he nods, smile growing wider, “yes.”

“but i’m not seeing any food.”

“that’s because you’re gonna help me.”

you stare at him. he starts moving towards you, one of his arms wrapping around your shoulder, pulling you into his side. he starts dragging you towards where he was standing. you start whining, “you don’t need my help. you’re a whole grown man who can cook whatever he wants.”

he laughs, “but i need you to be my other chef… what are they called?”

you roll your eyes, “a sous chef?”

“exactly,” he points at you, as if you just solidified his argument, “what if i forget something and i need your help?”

you pat his shoulder, “then you call me while i sit over on the couch.”

he’s about to give up, but he swears there’s a certain look in your eyes that ask him to keep going. that’s how it always feels with you, a certain push-and-pull that you both can’t let go of. your fingers twitch against his shoulder, almost giving you away. he moves to hold your hand, “how about you at least watch me on the side. i just wanna talk to you.”

you almost want to point out his pouty tone, want to laugh at how there’s a frown on his face. but you can’t. he looks a little too sincere, and you don’t want to think too hard about the feelings he doesn’t have for you. you sigh, eventually giving into his words. it’s always like this, jaehyun acting like he can’t go on without you. that’s what got you here in the first place.

he smiles when you approach him, so close that his arm is touching yours. it doesn’t matter how long or how many times he’s had sex with you, to have you close to him like this makes his heart soar. 

it’s like this for the whole time you both cook. your hands lightly grazing his, the sweet smile you show him when he does good, the laugh you let out when he messes up. you take over some parts for him without him asking you to. he can’t help let his mind wander, thinking this is how it would be all the time if you two were dating.

he wouldn’t have to beg you to do something with him, you would do it on your own accord. he wouldn’t have to hold back how much he wants to kiss you, he could press as many kisses on your cheeks or lips. he could stand behind you, wrapping his arms around you as you forcibly kick him off of cooking duty.

instead, he’s standing in front of the food he’s making, probably overcooking it as you point and laugh at him. you even take out your phone to take a picture of him, laughing as you fiddle with your phone. he swats at you, grumbling, “if you posted that on instagram, i am definitely blocking you.”

“you know me so well. i tagged you and everything.”

he chooses not to respond, taking out plates from his cabinet for the both of you. he can see you standing next to him, waiting to plate your food. he quickly decides to plate it for you, trying to hide his pink cheeks as he pushes the plate towards you. when he’s plating his own, you speak up, “wow, what a gentleman!” he can hear the teasing tone you use, “you’re really setting the bar for all men, aren’t you, jaehyun?”

he decides to tease you back, “just trying to show you how much nicer i am than you are. you should post this on instagram, too.”

“nope, letting all my followers know how mean and horrible of a cook you are. i’m ruining your chances of getting with someone.”

he shakes his head in amusement, moving to one of the seats on his small dining table. you follow, sitting right across from him. he messes with his phone a bit before you can hear that it’s connected to his speakers. an unfamiliar tune starts playing as you watch jaehyun’s head bob along to the song. 

this is how it always is, eating together, listening to his annoyingly good music taste, and enjoying each other’s presence. the food he cooked is surprisingly good, but you try to denounce it because you did help him along the way. it’s quiet between the two of you, nothing really too important to talk about.

jaehyun notices your fingers tapping along the table to the beat of the song. he smiles, “do you like it? the song?”

you pretend to think about it, “hm... well, it’s good.”

“you’re not gonna secretly shazam it under the table like last time?”

“that was literally a one time thing,” you huff, “i’ll just go and find someone with the exact same music taste as you.”

he smiles to himself, “you know there’s no one else like me.”

you think about his words for a bit. he probably didn’t mean for them to have a double meaning, but you can’t help but find one. you wonder if you’ll ever be able to find someone who could’ve made you as happy as jaehyun does. you wonder if you do find someone, you’ll be able to forget jaehyun.

you feel like you’ve become so intertwined in his life that everything might lead back to him.

you eventually nod along to his words, “yeah, there’s no one else like you.”

“you’re kinda an ass for not picking her up yourself.”

jaehyun huffs at johnny’s words. it’s not that he didn’t want to, but you had assured him that you would make it on time. when he brought up your safety, you said that it was taken care of already. jaehyun couldn’t help but wonder who or what could possibly be more safe than him, but he didn’t want to argue. 

but now that you’re a little late, he can’t stop himself from worrying. johnny makes it worse, tearing into him, teasing him with every word. jaehyun hasn’t told him about his surfacing feelings for you, but johnny is notoriously nosy, probably knowing the exact day jaehyun thought that he started liking you. 

johnny takes one more jab at him, “she would’ve liked you more if you’d been the one who brought her.”

jaehyun’s shoulder bumps into johnny’s, “she already does like me a lot, so there’s no need for all of that.”

johnny shrugs, letting out an if you say so as he sips on his drink. as much as jaehyun wants to deny it, he really wishes he could’ve at least given you a ride. he would’ve immediately ditched johnny if you asked, would’ve been right outside your doorstep as soon as you said you were ready. he wants to tell himself that that’s just what friends do, but there’s something he doesn’t want to admit.

his hands move to pull out his phone, scrolling through your messages from the past hours. he knows he’s made a mistake as soon as he feels johnny’s eyes looking at his screen from over his shoulder. jaehyun makes a jokingly shocked face at johnny to try to distract him, but johnny’s face mirrors his own. 

johnny’s about to say something with a teasing smile on his face and jaehyun’s ready to stop him. instead, a ding comes from his phone, calling their attention. it’s a text from you, letting jaehyun know that you’re outside. he sends a text to you, his eyes moving to the entrance as he waits for you to walk in.

and there you are.

your eyes scan the room, looking for both him and johnny. jaehyun can feel his cheeks heat up at the sight of you, your face illuminated by the warm lights of the bar. he thinks you look pretty all the time, but now that he’s seeing you like this, he wants to keep it in his memory forever.

you quickly spot them, your face brightening up with a smile as you make your way towards them. you greet the two of them, johnny easily bringing you into a hug. when you turn to jaehyun, you expect the same, but his eyes stay on you for a moment too long. he notices your teasing smile, quickly clearing his throat before wrapping his arms around you.

johnny starts, “always so fashionably late.”

you laugh, “if i don’t come, who else is gonna be the funniest and sexiest person in our friend group?”

johnny moves to tuck an invisible strand of hair behind his ear, “i was holding that position just fine before you came.”

you slap his shoulder, a fit of laughter taking over you. jaehyun watches the two of you, quietly laughing at the side. he likes the dynamic the three of you have, always mentally thanking johnny for introducing you to him. he’d endure all of johnny’s teasing for years if it meant to have you laughing at his side.

it stays like this for a while. the three of you drinking together, laughing when johnny tries dragging you closer to the middle of the room to dance. jaehyun can feel his cheeks get hotter, pink from the alcohol and the not-so-visible adoration he holds for you. he tries to quiet his feelings, but when you lean into his side, your warm body pressing against his, he figures he can give up the act a little.

it’s at times like these where jaehyun realizes that he can see the you from before the rejection. it’s a bit selfish for him crave this side of you, the one where you don’t care how much you touch him or how you continue talking into his ear all night. he thinks that if you were both dating, he could lean over and press a kiss to your cheek, watching as you nuzzle into his side.

for now, all he can do is wrap his arm around yours as you both sway side to side. johnny went off to get another drink, promising to be back quickly. jaehyun has this little time to have you all to himself, listening to the loud chattering around him and the bass of the music loud in his ears. your eyes are closed, humming along to the song.

jaehyun could easily whisper into your ear about his feelings. you probably wouldn’t remember either way, but he knows it’s not right. it’s not like he’d want to do it this way, wanting to tell you honestly. but there’s a growing part inside his brain that’s begging him to do something about it. he has you so close now, so why can’t just say that he likes you?

the thoughts dissipate when johnny comes back, smile on his face with three more drinks in hand. johnny quickly notices how your arm is intertwined with jaehyun’s, and jaehyun can physically see the moment johnny comes up with a plan. jaehyun doesn’t bother moving from his spot, though, willing to sacrifice his humility just to have you by his side.

as if jaehyun wasn’t having thoughts of kissing or dating you, the conversation turns back to normal. the three of you chatting, exchanging work gossip and taking drinks from your cups. it’s like every night this happens, it’s a regular routine of talking and him having to fight back his more than friendly thoughts of his friend. 

except this time, while johnny’s explaining how he thinks his boss might be having an affair, you cut him off. johnny jokingly scoffs, turning to where you’re looking at. you both squeal, johnny’s hands finding your shoulders, shaking them back and forth. you gasp, “that’s him, right?”

johnny matches your tone, “totally him! i could recognize him from anywhere!”

raising an eyebrow in your direction, jaehyun asks, “and who exactly are we talking about?”

you turn back at him, “that’s jungwoo, someone we knew from college!”

the name sounds familiar to jaehyun. there’s probably been a few times you talked about him during one semester. he’s not sure which one it could be, but there’s a memory of a faint smile on your face while talking about him. it sets a weird feeling in jaehyun’s stomach, and he realizes you look a little too excited at the sight of jungwoo.

jaehyun’s arm is still looped around yours, a small frown on his face, “does everyone and their moms know jungwoo now?”

“he was funny in class and he bought me coffee once,” johnny hums.

you join in, “he is definitely funny and he did good when we worked on a project together.”

jaehyun pointedly glares at johnny when he speaks, but when you speak, he just holds you closer to him. he can see how johnny watches him, being reminded of how he looked like he was planning something earlier. jaehyun sees it now, johnny’s face darkening before he speaks, turning to speak to you, “i think you should go talk to him.”

jaehyun sends a pointed glare at him before looking at you, his eyes widening when he sees the shy smile on your face. you ask, “what if he doesn’t even recognize me?”

“why wouldn’t he? he always looked at you a certain way when you guys talked, he definitely remembers you.”

jaehyun wonders why no one told him more about this “jungwoo” and his apparent more-than-friendly feelings for you? if johnny knows, then does that mean the three of you hung out before without him? how much has jaehyun missed between you and jungwoo? jaehyun silently takes another sip of his drink, his eyes peering over his cup as he watches you get lost in your thoughts.

he thinks you might drop the conversation, but you breath out, “i’ll do it. i’ll go talk to him.”

jaehyun tries his best not to acknowledge the growing jealousy he can feel bubbling up in his throat. he has to bite back a remark that would probably make things worse for himself. he decides to let go of your arm, watching as you easily separate from him. johnny starts hyping you up, giving you encouraging words as jaehyun massages your shoulders.

although jaehyun wishes he could say don’t go over there or i’ll die, he decides to send you a thumbs up before you walk away. his throat burns, and as much as he wants to think it’s from the alcohol, it’s from seeing you walk away from him. you’re walking to someone that isn’t him, sharing your warmth that’s supposed to be jaehyun’s.

he realizes then and there that he shouldn’t be thinking that.

you’re pressed against jaehyun’s bed, his face burying into your neck as he leaves kisses across your skin. you had to tell him to not leave any marks when you feel his teeth nip at your skin, and you could’ve sworn you heard a huff come out of him when you did. he’s practically pinning you down, body barely hovering over yours.

there are days where he gets like this, too desperate to where he doesn’t realize he grips you a little tighter, his voice growing deeper, relieving all of his stress by making you both feel good. you can tell when he gets like this, a quick text of an you up? letting you know what he wants. you’ve grown to learn all his habits.

it does feel a little different today, though. he was quick to greet you, quick to bring you to bed to kiss you. there were no words of how work was hard for him or if he was stressed about something that happened. not that there’s anything wrong with him not saying, but there’s a certain desperation in his movements as his lips trail down your body.

you decide not to ask about it, not wanting to pressure him into talking about something he doesn’t want to talk about. you’re quick to forget about it when he presses a kiss onto your clothed clit. he calls your name, bringing your attention to the heavy gaze he gives you. he murmurs out, “gonna let me see this pretty pussy?”

you nod quickly, lifting your hips up so he can take off your panties. he moves to lay between your thighs, humming when he sees how you’re dripping for him. it’s embarrassing, trying to close your legs. you’re met with his hands keeping them apart, chuckling at the whine you let out.

“didn’t know you could be this wet for me. if i didn’t know any better, i’d think that you need me.”

you let out a small whimper when he traces a finger down your slit, “jaehyun, please, need you to- need you to do something!”

“tell me what you need, pretty. if you don’t tell me, how am i supposed to help?”

“need you, jaehyun! want your fingers, want you to touch me!”

“of course, that’s all i needed to hear.”

you can feel one of his fingers slide into you, your head falling back onto his pillow at the feeling. you clench around his digit, already begging for more, needing him to fill you up. he doesn’t tease you for being so desperate, quickly giving into your pleas as another finger slips inside you. you let out a cry when you feel his thumb circle around your clit.

“such a messy baby, dripping all over my fingers. needed me so bad, right?”

moans of his name tumble out of your lips when he curls his fingers inside you, hitting that spot that sends shocks down your spine. your hands are gripping onto the sheets, realizing just how fast you're about to cum. you’re sure he can feel you clench around his digits, especially when you manage to open your eyes and see him looking straight at you.

“gonna cum all over my fingers?”

“fuck, yes! please, wanna cum, need you to let me cum!”

his movements speed up at your words, “go ahead and show me how much you need it.”

you’re quick to fall apart, your orgasm crashing into you. your thighs shut around his hand that’s helping you ride out your orgasm. all you can hear are the sounds you make and the encouragement that jaehyun mumbles out to you. you’re too fucked out to realize that his clean hand intertwines with yours, his thumb rubbing the back of your hand.

before you can comment on it, he’s quick to pull away from you, hands moving to undo his pants. you move to try to do it for him, but he swats your hands away with a laugh. after letting you gawk at him for a bit, he takes his boxers off, a whine leaving you at the sight of his leaking cock. he tilts his head at you, “are you gonna let me fill your pretty pussy up?”

“please,” you moan. your legs move to wrap around his waist, bringing his hips flush to yours. his cock ruts against your cunt, still sensitive from your last orgasm. he shushes you when you let out a small gasp, one of his hands soothing the skin of your thigh. you let out a small cry when his tips rubs against your clit, the last of your patience running out.

you can tell it’s getting to him, too. his cheeks and ears are flushed, his eyebrows furrowed as he switches between watching your face and where he’s pressed against you. he bites back a groan when his tip catches at your entrance, trying hard not to push into you right then and there. he puts all his focus on you, “tell me that you want me to fill you up. tell me that you need me to fuck you.”

you whine, your head digging into the pillow. despite his flushed face, there’s a cocky look on his face as he stares down at you. you’re too desperate to try to fight back, losing the battle as you let out a whimper of his name. there’s almost a surprised look in his eyes as he sees you give up this easily, leaning down to give you a quick kiss to your collarbone.

“i know, baby, need you just as bad. gonna fuck you like you need it, okay?”

you whisper out a thank you as he moves to line himself up at your entrance. he slowly slides in, letting out a deep groan as he watches himself sink into you. he fights off his eyes from closing at the feeling of your tight cunt clenching around his length. you’re no better, writhing around in the sheets, whimpers of his name escaping you.

once he bottoms out, he lets out a grunt, “missed this pussy so much. so fucking warm, so tight, all for me.” you’re quick to agree, hands trying to reach at his shoulders to bring him closer to you. he gives in easily, huffing at how he can feel himself deeper inside you at the new position. he kisses the valley of your breasts, sucking lightly.

he starts off slow, teasing you as he thrusts into you, slow and deep. if you can listen past your own moans and whimpers, you can hear the quiet curses and sounds he lets out, trying to hide how much you’re affecting him. when your nails claw at his back, he breaks, “didn’t even mean to call you this late, i just needed you so bad.”

his words get to you, the fact that he wanted to call you because he was needy makes you clench around him. he can’t help but pick up the pace of his thrusts at the feeling, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the room. you don’t know what has him so worked up, but if he’s going to make you feel this good, you might have to figure it out.

you need just a little more, your hand trailing down your body to get to your clit. you moan in relief when your fingers circle your clit, clenching tightly around jaehyun’s length. it has his hips stuttering slightly, eyes making their way to your hand. he’s quick to push your hand away to replace it with his own, thumb making tight circles around the nub. 

he move up to whisper into your ear, “only i can make you feel this good, right? i know you better than anyone else, even yourself.”

you shake your head at his words, but your hips roll up into his, trying to fit more of him inside you. he chuckles lowly at the sight, a small smile on his face as he watches you. he’s slamming into you now, any patience he had now gone as he nears the edge. he starts, “no? trust me, pretty. i know just how you like to be touched, how you liked to be fucked. i know you so well that i just know that you’re close to cumming.”

tears prick your eyes, because yes, you are close to cumming. you can’t help it, not when he’s fucking you like this. he’s not usually this talkative, choosing rather to focus on getting away from any stresses. but now, he’s letting you in on his thoughts, letting you know what could possibly be nagging at him. you’ll save it for another time.

you’re surrounded by all of him, chest touching his as his warm breath hits your neck. you used to wish for him to kiss you during moments like these, moments where you’re both so close, adrenaline too high. now, all you can do is whine out his name, begging for him to let you cum.

it’s easy for you to let go of any past emotions you had for him, but for jaehyun, he wishes he could kiss you. he wishes that you could want him again, wishes that he didn’t have to fuck you like this. this is what he wanted, though. he just didn’t think it would be this hard. he tries to ignore it by groaning into your ear, “gonna cum for me? gonna cum all over my cock?”

“y-yes, please! you make me feel so good!”

“yeah? show me then, pretty girl. show me how i’m the only one who can make you feel this good.”

at the sound of his voice, you cum. your chest arches up into his, nails digging into his back as you let go. he’s moaning at the feeling, his hips stuttering as he tries to fuck into your tight pussy. he has to bite down onto your shoulder at the feeling, holding back just how bad he wants to cum inside you.

when you start whining, he’s quick to pull out of your heat, quickly jerking himself off to the sight of how fucked out you look. with a moan of your name, his cum shoots out over your stomach, his cheeks a pretty pink as he does. 

it’s quiet in his room, save for the deep breaths you both let out. he’s just staring down at you, saving the image of you covered in his cum in his mind. you don’t mind, too tired to notice the slight adoration in his eyes as he stares. it is embarrassing though, covering your face with your arm as you tell him to move.

he blinks away his thoughts, chuckling at your embarrassment. he pats your thigh, moving away as he goes to get a towel to clean you up. he’s being careful with you, his movements slow as the towel moves around your body. there’s a soft look in his eyes, a lazy smile on his face as he indirectly touches you. he’s quick to throw the towel into his laundry basket, even quicker to join you in bed. 

in a motion that almost seems too soft for the fact that he just fucked you into his sheets, he pulls your back into his chest. one of his hands makes it to your side, letting it sit there. his breaths are evening out, fanning across your shoulder that he nuzzles into. his touches are hesitant against your skin, almost as if he was debating on whether or not he could touch you like this.

you almost want to push his hand away or try to make some space between the two of you. friends should not be holding each other like this, friends should not be letting each other bask in the warmth of their bodies. friends shouldn’t even be having sex, not like this.

but you figure just this once, you’ll let yourself have this moment. it’s a bit selfish, getting to have jaehyun like this. you wished he’d hold you like this every single time. you think if he did, you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from falling back in love with him. there’s no way for you to win when it comes to jaehyun.

as he presses a kiss and murmurs a goodnight into your shoulder, you make a promise to yourself: you won’t ever lose yourself over jaehyun again.

jaehyun realizes how little time he’s been spending with you recently.

he’s been hearing more about this jungwoo guy. you’ve told him can’t hang out, i’m with jungwoo right now or i’ll be hanging out with jungwoo later. you’ve been so busy catching up with jungwoo that jaehyun hasn’t had the time to talk to you. no more eating or shopping together, not when jungwoo’s around.

jaehyun doesn’t want to say he’s necessarily jealous of the relationship you two share, but can’t say it doesn’t sit right with him. jaehyun is still your friend after all, and he doesn’t like hearing you talk so much about him. during the small chances jaehyun gets to talk to you, you always slip in one mention about jungwoo.

what about jaehyun? what does jungwoo have that he doesn’t? he could totally treat and touch you better than jungwoo ever could. he practically does already. he can’t help but let these little thoughts enter his mind. if jungwoo’s in the way, how is jaehyun supposed to show you how much he likes you?

it’s one day that you’re both splayed across his couch, your legs resting over his as his thumb smoothes across the skin of your thigh when jungwoo is brought up again. out of the corner of his eye, he can see you smile and lightly laugh at your phone. jaehyun, being the nosy person that he is, can’t help but try to reach over to see what you’re laughing at.

you’re quick to push him away, chuckling at the sight of the small pout on his face. he tries again, and you decide it’s probably better just to sit beside him instead. you begrudgingly show him your phone, and he squints his eyes so he can read your screen better.

it’s quiet for a few moments before he hums at the texts between you and jungwoo. it’s a conversation funny enough to make you laugh. he tries not to roll his eyes at the cutesy way jungwoo texts, him being clearly interested in you. he doesn’t want to say anything about it though, doesn’t want you to know that jungwoo bothers him for reasons that he shouldn’t be thinking. 

“he’s funny,” jaehyun muses, trying to stop the snarky remark he wants to say.

“way funnier than you,” you tease, watching him deflate back to his side of the couch. 

“there’s been times where you’ve laughed at my jokes though, like laughed laughed.”

“i was either super drunk or bored out of my mind, so those don’t count.”

jaehyun rolls his eyes at you, deciding to ignore your words, choosing to believe that you think he’s the funniest man ever. he’s been finding himself having little competitions with jungwoo that only he’s a part of. jungwoo is funny? jaehyun is funnier. jungwoo is cute? jaehyun is cute, too, just give him a minute.

jaehyun tries to boil it down to the fact he’s always been competitive, but he knows it’s more than that. in his head, it doesn’t matter what jungwoo does better than jaehyun because right now, you're in his apartment, on his couch, deciding to spend meaningless time with him. 

“what have you both been doing? i haven’t seen you at all this week.” he hates how his voice sounds, a little too clingy for his liking, but he hopes you don’t hear it.

“nothing, really. we’ve just been going out to eat or hanging out when we have the time.”

jaehyun figures you both somehow have all the time in the world in order to be hanging out this much. he makes his voice whiny before speaking, “i miss you, please don’t leave me forever.”

you laugh at the sound of his voice, pulling your legs away from him. “you’re acting like me spending time with jungwoo is gonna kill you.”

“what’s killing me is the fact i don’t get to see you that much anymore,” he grumbles. 

he notices that you don’t respond right away, and when he goes to look at you, your eyebrows are furrowed and there’s a certain look in your eyes. did he say too much? before he can start panicking, you turn towards him, “don’t do that.”

“do what?”

“pretend like you miss me when we already spend a lot of time together. you literally called me up the other night.”

jaehyun lets out a breath, “sorry, but you’re still my friend. i do miss you, i’m jealous that jungwoo gets to see you that much.” although he says it jokingly, there’s definitely truth behind his words. it might not mean much to you, but the fact that jungwoo gets to see you in a way that only jaehyun feels like he deserves, it hurts him.

“i’m gonna tell jungwoo you’re being mean to him,” you huff.

“tell him then,” jaehyun slings an arm around your waist, “let him know that he needs to learn how to share.”

“first of all,” you slide his arm off of you, “don’t say it like that because you make it sound like i’m an object. two, i think you might need to learn how to share.”

he hums, “you were mine first.”

“i was never yours,” you grouch, “you made that clear when you rejected me.”

he can tell you’re joking, but he can feel his blood run cold at your words. it’s a reminder to him that the rejection is still clear in your mind, reminding him just how much he hurt you. it will always be a reminder of how he messed up what could've been a good relationship with you if he just had more time.

he can’t blame you for his own mistake. he can’t.

in the best way he can, he puts his hands together and grovels, “please, can you find it in your kind soul to forgive me?”

you scoff, rightfully so, before grabbing your phone to take a picture of him. you’re quiet for a few moments more, jaehyun knowing that you’re about to post the picture on your instagram story for everyone to see, including jungwoo. he doesn’t want to stop you, equal parts of wanting to show off how you’re hanging out with him and a little bit of embarrassment. 

you set your phone down, placing your hands on top of his, “you can stop. now i kinda just feel bad for you. you do deserve it, though.”

jaehyun doesn’t move, staring at you with a certain look in his eyes. he can tell you right here, he thinks. he’s thought about what he’d say if he were to confess to you almost too much. he’s practiced his lines before, thinking up the perfect way he’d confess. it almost feels right to do it now, clearing his throat and-

your phone buzzes, pulling your attention away from him. he grimaces when you show him the notification. what seems to be jungwoo’s account liking your story, the story that has jaehyun begging for your apology posted on it. you sigh dreamily, “told you he’s funny.”

“not funny when it’s jungwoo.”

“jaehyun!”

you find yourself drinking at jaehyun’s place again.

it’s a slow night, both of you had stressful days. you choose to stay in jaehyun’s kitchen, laughing at unfunny words and pouring more wine for each other as the night rolls on. you didn’t mean to stay over so late, but jaehyun practically begged you to spend some time with him. you were quick to say yes under the guise that all he wanted to do was be with his friend.

before the night went too deep, you texted jungwoo saying that you probably won’t be able to call him tonight. he responds quick, a have fun! and i hope you sleep well :) flashing on your screen. you smile warmly at the messages, but quickly notice jaehyun also staring at them. you push at his shoulders, whining over how he’s invading your privacy.

his cheeks are rosy from the wine, a sly smile on his face as he asks, “how am i not supposed to look when i see you smiling like that.”

“you’re supposed to be a good friend and support me in my times of need!”

he puts his hands up in defense, that annoying smile still looking back at you, “thank you for being so vulnerable around me. and who’s to say i don’t support you in your times of need?”

you hear the double meaning in his words, swatting him away, “hey! you’re actually so gross.”

he just chuckles at your words, enjoying how easily you get embarrassed at his teasing. it’s been happening more often, and jaehyun can’t help but piece together that it might be because of jungwoo. jaehyun feels that you might be slipping away right in front of him, and he can’t really do anything to stop it.

you aren’t completely unaware of jaehyun trying to get you to hang out with him. he’s been sending more texts recently, nothing really important being said. you’re not sure how obvious you’re being with jungwoo, but you’re sure that jaehyun has at least an inkling on how you feel about him. which leads you to believe that jaehyun might be a little jealous.

it was never your intention to make him jealous. that night when you first saw jungwoo again was all unplanned. you never thought you would end up talking to him, never thought you’d like the way he treated you. he was so sweet to you, always trying to take care of your every need when prompted.

it’s bad to compare, but you realize that jaehyun’s only being so nice to you now is because jungwoo’s being nice to you. 

that’s not to say that jaehyun was never not nice to you, but you could tell that it’s a different kind of nice when it comes to him. the relationship you have with jaehyun now feels more like a bandaid to cover all of the bad things that have happened, no one bothering to address it. you don’t want to either way, no use in bringing up what shouldn’t be talked about.

even now, as you’re here with him in his kitchen, feeling the cold air from the open window drift in, there’s unspoken words between the two of you. you can hear the music playing from his speakers in the other room, the melody sticking in your head. it’s weird to think that you would’ve never gotten to see jaehyun like this if you didn’t stay with him.

it’s quiet for a few moments, apart from jaehyun humming along to the song that’s playing. it’s dark, his warm lights low as they cover the both of you. it’s nice like this, a little drunk and a little quiet; you don’t have to think about anything you don’t want to. you don’t think before you speak, “i do miss you, too, you know.” 

“yeah?”

“you’re still someone i appreciate, even after everything.”

he doesn’t respond, and you think he’s taking in your words. you’re not sure why you didn’t specify ‘friend’ but you know he knows better than to have his hopes up anymore. you see that the tips of his ears are pink, the lazy smile on his face showing that he’s a bit tipsy too. he’s not looking at you, you’re not really sure what he’s thinking-

“i think… i think i love you.”

“what?”

his eyes immediately snap to yours, widening as he realizes what slipped out of his mouth. slightly panicking, he stands up, trying to backtrack, “no, i- look-”

“what did you say?”

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean it-”

“what does that even mean? you can’t just randomly say you love me and then take it back?”

he chooses not to answer right away, eyes darting all around as he tries to come up with an answer. he can fix this, he can help himself, it’s just… he doesn’t really want to. it’s almost selfish with how he feels a little relief with his confession. “since you’re asking,” he starts, “i… i like you. i’ve liked you for a while now.”

when he looks at you, the anger from before is still there. you’re biting down on your lip, hands balled at your sides as his words hit you. “jaehyun… do you know how wrong that is? since when? after you rejected me?”

“no, i- fine. yes, after i rejected you. i know it’s wrong and i know i shouldn’t but it clicked for me, even if it was a little late.”

“a little late? jaehyun, you’re telling me this after you know i’m talking to someone. you knew that there’d be a high chance that i wouldn’t feel the same. i know you’re not that dumb.”

“but that’s how you felt when you asked me out? even if there was a chance that i would say no to you, you still did it, right? that’s exactly how i feel, how bad would it be if i tried?”

a shocked laugh leaves you, “that isn’t fair! you’re not being fair! you’re not thinking about how i would feel knowing this!”

you think he knows that it’s not the same between you and him. you confessed because you genuinely thought you had a chance with him. jaehyun’s only confessing because you’re talking to jungwoo. 

“i should’ve never let this happen! fuck, i knew if i kept talking to you, something bad would happen.”

he scoffs, wanting to call out your bluff. “i never forced you to come over and talk. you weren’t forced to come over and have sex with me. you could’ve stopped this at any time, but you kept coming back to me.”

you let out an exasperated sound, “we were friends, jaehyun. friends hang out and talk, that’s literally all we were doing.”

he snaps, “friends don’t fuck. friends don’t hold each other after sex. you can’t say that you didn’t feel anything between us. that’s the whole reason i called you for sex the other day, i needed you."

you can hear how loud your heart is pounding in your chest. your head hurts already, the faint song playing in the other room only adding to the pain. there’s nothing more that you want to do than just go home. you wish you could’ve been more clear, you wished you would’ve drawn a clearer line between the two of you. now you’re stuck like this.

you sigh out, mumbling into the quiet air, “if i had known that you were gonna be like this, i would’ve made sure to end whatever we had as soon as possible.”

“if you never met jungwoo, then this probably never would’ve happened. i could’ve asked you out the normal way, but you kind of forced me into drunkenly confessing to you.”

you send a glare straight at him, “do not assume how i would feel in any situation. the fact that you didn’t even want to tell me that you liked me says everything i need to know.”

“how was i supposed to tell the girl i rejected that i like her now?”

“exactly! don’t you see how fucked up that is?”

he shrugs, closing himself off before you can start up again. you know how he gets, pretending that none of this really matters to him. it’s childish, and you know he knows it. you don’t know what else to do. if he can’t sort himself out, there’s no reason for you to be here anymore.

you’re quick to get up and out of the kitchen. he doesn’t look at you at first, but as soon as he hears you pack your stuff into your bag and your car keys in hands, he follows right after you. there’s a startled look on his face, you can tell that he didn’t think you would leave him. you watch as he raises a hand to stop you, but quickly puts it down after some thought.

you let out a breath, “i’m leaving. you can decide if you want to pull yourself together and grow up if you wanna talk. if not, don’t even bother texting me.”

he doesn’t try to argue, watching as you walk out his door. he can’t feel anything, doesn’t really want to do anything other than lay in bed. he walks over to his bedroom, the sound of a familiar slow song getting louder as he walks closer. he makes it inside, pausing the song before laying down onto his back. it’s quiet again.

he just ruined everything.

for the first time in a while, your life feels kinda normal.

there’s not a lot for you to worry about if you ignore a few things. work is fine, your friends are celebrating your freedom, and jungwoo comforts you in every way possible. you realize that jungwoo might’ve been everything you’ve been looking for in a person. he stays close when you need him and gives you space when you ask.

you tell jungwoo that you’re happy to have him right now. you tell him that you’re sorry for acting a little weird recently (he quickly denies your claim). you don’t tell him exactly what happened with jaehyun, but you can assume he at least knows a little. he doesn’t try to pry it out of you, choosing not to remind you of something you don’t want to think of.

and you’re not thinking about it. you haven’t gotten any texts from jaehyun, so why should you care?

as much as you don’t want to admit it, it does feel weird not having jaehyun in your life. you didn’t realize how much you thought about him or how much time was dedicated to being with him. it didn’t seem to matter at first because you thought it was because you both were friends, but you realize he was kind of stringing you along.

there’s a lot of time you have to yourself now. you don’t have to worry about jaehyun calling you randomly throughout the day or one of his spontaneous meetups. you don’t have to think about his you up? texts during the late hours of the night. you don’t have to think about any hurt he’s caused you in the past. none of it will mean anything anymore.

until you get a call from johnny.

“hey, johnny. what’s up?”

he skips right past your greeting, “why doesn’t jaehyun want to hang out with you?”

you’re shocked for multiple reasons. one, of course, johnny already knows your business. two, how dare jaehyun say he doesn’t want to hang out with you. you scoff, “what exactly did he say?”

“he said he was busy, but, like i know he’s not gonna be busy. and that obviously means that something is going on between you two.”

you want to scream into your phone’s microphone. jaehyun doesn’t deserve to set the boundary between you two. he was the one who messed it up in the first place, so why is he the one trying to put distance between you two? “johnny,” you start, “do you promise not to tell anyone about what i’m about to tell you? you can’t even tell jaehyun.”

he lets out a little shocked sound and you can imagine him sitting up straight. he whispers into the call, “what is it?”

“the other night, jaehyun told me he likes me. actually, in his own words, he said he thinks he loves me.”

he gasps loudly into the phone, “what? are you sure? like jaehyun said that? jaehyun?”

“exactly! it doesn’t even seem like something he’d do! he said it was because we were both drinking.”

“that doesn’t even matter,” johnny sighs, “you don’t go around saying that to your friend, especially not the friend you rejected before.”

“you get it! that’s literally what i told him! i need to sit down with you so we can discuss this.”

it’s quiet on the other side of the call, and by his silence, you can tell he’s planning something. it’s never good when he does, so you try to call out his name before he can think any more, but you’re too late.

“i think you should sit down with him to talk about what happened.”

you sarcastically laugh, “he hasn’t even texted me, there’s no way i’m talking to him first.”

“i didn’t say you should text him first, i’m just saying that you both should talk. you can’t just leave this off on bad terms.”

“and if i want to?”

“i know you don’t. plus, it feels like i’m a child whose parents are going through divorce, so you need to fix this.”

you whine into the phone, which causes johnny to laugh on the other end. he’s right, you don’t want this to end badly with jaehyun. even if you both decide to never talk again, you don’t want to have a strained relationship with him. after a few moments, you answer him, “fine, but don’t have your hopes up because even i don’t know what’s gonna happen.”

“okay, perfect, because i already kinda convinced jaehyun to meet up with you.”

“johnny!”

he defends himself, “like i said, i’m basically seeing you guys go through a divorce. please bring my family back together.”

“whatever, do what you want to do.” johnny cheers from the other end of the call, quickly letting out an you won’t be disappointed! before he hangs up, not even letting you say goodbye. as much as you try to hide it, a part of you is happy at the thought of jaehyun wanting to work things out with you.

even if you don’t know what you want just yet, you’ll get yourself ready.

you realize you’re no longer happy when a few days later, jaehyun shows up to your front doorstep, a frown painted on his face.

you almost want to slam the door on him when he speaks. his voice is quiet, “why did you tell johnny you didn’t want to hang out with me?”

as soon as he stops talking, it all clicks in your head. johnny tricked you both. you’ll have to get mad at him later, but for right now, you have to deal with jaehyun who’s pretending he didn’t just ignore you for almost two weeks. you reluctantly let him in, watching as he walks in almost too normally.

no one bothers talking, no one trying to make the first move. you’re staring him down and he tries to ignore the hard stare you’re giving him. while you’re glaring at him, you can see how he looks more tired than usual. the faint lines under his eyes give it away, and when he does finally make eye contact with you, it’s soft, no anger behind his eyes.

you step back, breathing in before speaking, “let’s go talk in my room.”

he sends you a soft smile, not needing you to guide him to your room. he knows the whole layout by now, feeling more like he’s leading you to your own room. he opens the door for you, choosing to let you walk in first. it’s awkward when you have to motion for him to step in, watching him not really knowing what to do.

you move to sit on your bed, and he moves to sit at your desk. it’s not as awkward as it is tense. you don’t know what to say, you didn’t plan on him coming over. his eyes are darting across your room, his eyebrows furrowed as he presumably tries to start the conversation.

“how are you doing?”

you roll your eyes at the simple question, “i’ve been doing fine. i feel like my life’s been a lot calmer since that day.”

he leans forward in his seat, “really? i feel like i’ve lost ten years of my life.”

deserved, you think. you gather all your thoughts before speaking, “i think the days that i spent without thinking about you really changed how i feel. i realized just how much i was entangled in your life. it wasn’t good for me.”

he looks off to the side, taking in your words. you see the hurt that settles in his face, you see how it’s going to be burned into his memory. he smacks his lips, “i think for me it’s the opposite. i realized during this time without you really solidified my feelings. i can’t lie and say that my feelings have changed, because they haven’t.”

you feel anger bubbling up inside you, but you can’t do that today. you take a few breaths, calming yourself down as you focus on what you’re most curious about, “why did you start liking me?”

“i don’t even know. i know it’s shitty of me to realize how much you mean to me after i said no to your confession. i understand why you said no to me.”

“i’m sorry for getting mad so quickly. it was just so out of the blue, i never would’ve expected you to say that.”

you pat the spot on your bed next to you, calling his name softly. he slowly moves to your side, his eyes focused on his hands splayed across his knees. after all this time without you, he wishes he could hold your hand in his, even if he tried to play it off as a joke. it’s been too long without your touch. you took away the only thing that kept him close to you. 

“can i ask something?”

he nods, putting all of his focus on you. it feels intense when he does, you haven’t had him this close in a long time. you clear your throat, “this wasn’t all because of jungwoo, right?”

he sighs, his jaw clenching as he thinks of the right words to say. he’s deep in thought, and you almost want to tell him to drop it all together. he decides to speak up, “honestly? seeing you both together kind of made me realize my feelings. i was losing you to him, and i really couldn’t handle it. i’m not trying to ruin whatever you have going on with him, i promise.”

you don’t know what else to say. so much of this could've been prevented if you kept an eye out for yourself. you also wouldn’t want to go back and change what you’ve done. you don’t regret ever being jaehyun’s friend, you don’t regret all the memories you’ve made with him. 

“so, this… this is really over then?”

you shrug, “i would think so.”

it’s quiet for a few moments, the both of you letting the thought seep in. “this” has never been defined between the two of you, but you can assume it’s almost everything you do together. what you’re feeling now is close to how you felt when he first rejected you. what’s different now is that you can’t help but feel just a little relieved, ending something that probably should’ve never happened.

in another world, you think you would’ve reciprocated jaehyun’s feelings. it would’ve been easy, pieces easily falling into place as you both fall for each other. it’s almost as if it were supposed to be something that was natural. but jaehyun had given the time for you to move on, and you did. it was too late for him to realize his own feelings.

“we can still be friends if you can handle that.”

he laughs incredulously, “if i can handle that? i’m a grown man, thank you very much.”

“yeah? well i think if i were you, i wouldn’t be able to hold back my feelings,” you tease.

he grumbles, “too soon, you’re too mean.”

jaehyun watches a pretty smile adorn your face, and if it weren’t for the current circumstances, he would tell you how pretty you look. he keeps the thought to himself though, opting to ask, “how about one last drink together as friends who are a little more than friends?”

you hum, pretending to think about it. you watch worry wash over his face, and you do feel bad a little bit. “one more time, just for your sake. you look like you might start crying.”

he groans as you walk away to get some wine for the both of you. you’re by yourself for a few moments as you pour the drinks. you feel awkward in here by yourself, left with thoughts and memories of all the things you’ve done together. all the times you’ve had sex, all the times where he’s felt like your boyfriend, but none of it holds to him being your friend.

you don’t know if you can continue being friends with him. 

it would be unfair to jungwoo. you haven’t told him the exact dynamics of how your friendship with jaehyun worked, but you can assume he knows most of it. 

you return to the sight of jaehyun looking around your room. he’s been in here too many times to count, and yet seeing him here now, it’s weird. he feels out of place, he feels almost like a stranger in your own apartment. despite the history you have with him, it seemed to fall apart so easily as soon as conflict hit.

he thanks you quietly when you hand him the glass. you take a small sip of your drink, watching jaehyun do the same from the corner of your eye. after the drink, he chooses to speak, “so how are you and jungwoo?’

“that’s how you want to start our small talk?” you splutter out.

“i mean, can i not be interested in my friends' love life?”

well it’s hard when you were directly involved in it. you shrug, taking another small sip before speaking, “i’m… really happy that i’m talking to him. he takes care of me, he’s always asking how i’m doing. it’s nice being with him.”

you can tell jaehyun is trying not to let your words affect him, “are you both… officially dating yet?”

his words make you shy, your facing feeling hot at the idea of dating jungwoo. brushing off his words, you laugh, “no! not yet, at least. i think i’d say yes if he asked me out.”

he nods, his head hanging heavy, hand twirling the wine in his glass. you know what he’s thinking, you don’t need to ask him. you can’t be his, you won’t ever be his. you think that this was never supposed to work out, no matter how hard you tried or how much you think he could’ve loved you. he wasn’t meant for you.

“okay, one more thing.”

he nods, turning his attention back on you.

“did you really mean it back then, like, when you said that you weren’t ready for a relationship?”

“yes, i was scared. i think back then, even though i didn’t realize it, i also had feelings for you. but it was… it just wasn’t the right time for me. even though i liked spending so much time with you, there were things i wanted to figure out first.”

you cock your head to the side, “like?”

he hums in thought for a bit, trying to remember times from so long ago. thinking back, you remember how you felt old, you felt like you were already an adult. but he’s right, there were still things you didn’t know about yourself, and you wonder if dating jaehyun would’ve stopped you from figuring them out.

“i guess… mostly wanting to decide what i wanted to do with my life. now that i’ve somewhat settled, i feel more confident in what i want. even though it came at the worst time, i was so sure that i could see you in my future.”

the confession doesn’t hurt as much as you thought it would. you can relate to how he feels. for the longest time, you felt that you needed jaehyun in your life. it wasn’t until after he confessed to you that you saw that there’s more to your life than him. you’re thankful for all the time you’ve had with him, but there’s still so much more for you to do.

it’s like this for a few more hours, the sunset bleeding into the night time. you both have a few more drinks, jaehyun eventually turns on music playing on his phone. you feel a lot better now. you only want the best for jaehyun, and you think that this is the best for the both of you.

jaehyun has to leave at some point, one of the last buses back to his place coming soon. you don’t want him to go, you don’t want him to leave the comfort of your bedroom. there’s a small part of you that’s scared that you’ll never see him here again. you try to remind him that this is what you both need, clear, distinct boundaries.

you walk him to your door, “you’ll text me once you're at your apartment, right?”

he shuffles over, “yeah, i will. johnny will make sure i get there safe.”

you nod, opening the door for him. he walks out, watching you with an unsure look on his face. a part of you wants to let him in, wants to let him give you one last kiss. it’s wrong, your grip on your door getting tighter at the thought. he still has a strong pull on you, your hand wanting to reach for his.

it’s not meant to be.

“goodnight, jaehyun. i’ll see you soon, okay?”

“alright, goodnight. i… i’ll be here if you ever need me. i’ll wait.”

you smile, “i know. thank you, get back safe.”

he nods, waving you off before he walks away. you close the door, locking it behind you. it’s quiet now, no soft conversations, no laughing, just the sound of your feet pattering on the floor. 

you don’t really feel like crying. you don’t feel like there’s something missing inside you. jaehyun used to be a big part of you, but as time went on, he took up less and less space.

there’s more important things to worry about than someone who couldn’t make time for you. you have time to figure things out now, you have time to figure out what you really want, whether that’s jungwoo or someone else. 

you’ve never felt better. 

as jaehyun scrolls through instagram, he sees a post from you. it’s been a while since he’s seen you in person, so he’ll take anything he can get. the first few photos are of you, and the next few are pictures of things he assumes you found pretty. the last photo is what makes him pause, a photo of what he can only assume is jungwoo holding your hand.

he checks the comments, some of your friends replying with different emojis, all to tease you with. they all seem to know about your budding relationship with jungwoo. jaehyun’s glad that it’s going well for the both of you. it’s what you deserve after what he put you through.

he hung out with you and johnny the other day. as much as everyone tried to be normal, he couldn’t shake off the feeling that he changed the dynamics of your friendship. you and johnny were the same, easily laughing and joking around with each other. it’s not exactly awkward when you and jaehyun talk, but the air around you is certainly different.

it’s what should’ve happened, at the start of it all you both should’ve set rules. jaehyun realizes that he would’ve never gotten to see you in the ways he did. warm lights from his kitchen painting over your skin, or when the light from the moon would shine over your body while he holds you close. he wouldn’t trade those memories for anything.

you were all he had, and losing you is something he will always regret. he knows that you’re doing good now, not just with jungwoo. he doesn’t want to come in and ruin what you’ve built up. it doesn’t matter how much he wants to hold you in his arms or kiss you, you’re better off without him.

he just wishes he had more time.

a/n: hey people... what did we think of this ending... jaehyun is my friend i do not hate him i like him... anyways i hoped u like this... it took longer than i thought it would but im glad its out HOORAYYY

taglist: @froggyforyoongi @the-universe-in-you-jjh @ppeachyttae @omlhyck @hazyhae @haechology @jaehyunful @girlwholoveslpreppyattire @diorcities @hrts4doie @ohmytyong @ecvm5236 @faeryus @riri4andy @rjtulips @missesgirl @shiorebirth @sugaringgcaramel @camomillie @ninicornposts @il02isa @sincerelyneo @perfumejamal @justhgiwo @lovingyoulovinme2 @babyriannie @eunseoksimp @jeonreal @mawnehkah @shoetaroshoe (thank u all omg 🫂❤️)

[7:39 a.m.] the raindrops make small splashes into the little puddles that began to form in the cavities and dips formed on the surface of the road. a black car comes to a stop and jaehyun steps out, umbrella protecting his head from the overhead showers pouring from the cesious-tinted sky. the man walks a few yards, maneuvering his way around the ground he knows like the back of his hand. finally, he comes to a halt. in one hand he has a bouquet that contains a plethora of flowers while he clutches the umbrella tight in his other hand. he bends down slightly, leaving the flowers on the ground then retreats to his original stance. “hey, y/n. how’s it going? everything’s going well down here. we are about to go on tour in a few days, and I wanted to stop by and check on you. I picked these for you from the garden you love, and I asked the ahjumma who works there to help me wrap them up for you. I miss you terribly, my love. I know it’s been almost two years but my hands sometimes still reach for you in the mornings. I haven’t had the heart to delete your phone number yet, and I won’t. in our next life, I pray that we can make it together and that neither of us suffers from this loneliness I’m going through.” jaehyun didn’t realize when the tears began to flow from his eyes, standing in front of your tombstone that had your name engraved on it. he inhaled deeply, wiping his moist eyes and face and continued, “I love you very much, y/n and although you don’t live on in this world any longer, you will forever live as the free-spirited and beautiful soul I fell in love with, in my heart.” and with that, he bid his farewell and made his way back to the car. and miraculously by the time he got to his car, the rain had drastically died down, and a ray of sunshine began peeking from the clouds and onto his face. almost as if you were declaring your love back to him from the heavens.

a.n.: my first angst piece! hope you guys like it!!

your fate, my karma

jung jaehyun x fem!reader

wc: 11.7k

synopsis: jaehyun realizes he’s in love with you. it’s fucked, especially because he rejected you once before. he doesn’t want to ruin what he has with you. but he can’t help it, it’s like he was made to see and touch you. he doesn’t know how much longer he can hold in his secret.

warnings: angst, little fluff, friends with benefits, pining, one sided love, confession, argument, smut (MDNI), desperate jaehyun, unprotected sex (pulling out), possessiveness and jealousy, dialogue heavy at some parts

heavily inspired by somethin’ stupid - frank sinatra

part three to the how it all goes series!

you're laid back onto his bed, heavy breaths fanned across your face. on top of you is jaehyun, cheeks dusted with pink as his fingers are still move inside of you. “stop already,” you huff out a laugh, “i might die if you make me cum one more time.”

he chuckles at your words and slowly pulls his fingers out of you, sucking obscenely on them just to annoy you. it works, and you cover your eyes to get the image out of your head. you don’t offer to help him out, and he doesn’t ask for any favors.

he’s not really sure how his friendship with you got to this point. if he could put it simply, you told him that you had feelings for him, asking if he felt the same way. he said that he wasn’t ready for a relationship, that he wasn’t ready to be so vulnerable in front of another person. he still wanted to be friends with you. 

he remembers seeing sadness flash through your eyes, but you just smiled at him and accepted the answer that you got. in a way, jaehyun wished he could like you back, he hated the way he hurt you, but he just wasn’t ready. you were wary around him, trying to hide the hurt that he caused you. he couldn’t bear to see it, and hated how much you were hiding from him.

which is how he finds you next to him, curled up in his bed after he’s made you cum. he knows it probably wasn’t the best idea to propose, but he didn’t know how else he could keep you close. when he explains it to himself in his head, it sounds shitty, makes him feel a little fucked up. he tries to justify it, but really, all of this is a temporary fix to keep you close to him.

despite all the grey areas in his friendship with you, he’s certain about one thing: he really does like having you around. he’s chalked it up to his feelings just being from how long he’s known you, but he knows that there’s something else he doesn’t want to admit. because one, it’s fucked. two, he’s rejected you. three, he can’t like you.

he can’t like like you. he doesn’t even want to imagine thinking about the other word, but it plays at the back of his head sometimes. he hears it when you’re both out at a bar together, watching you drunkenly cling to his side. he hears it when you’re at his apartment after work. he hears it when your eyes look up at his when you drop to your knees.

he can hear it even now as you lay next to him, curled up into his side as your breaths even out. it doesn’t feel weird that he can feel your naked body against his, his best friend comfortably laid up next to him. is it so wrong of him to want this? you became more comfortable around him again after he had sex with you. he knows it’s just a temporary solution.

he can feel your breaths across his chest, your face nuzzling closer to him. he could move you away, could create a clearer boundary between the two of you. he feels a little selfish when he lets you stay there, deciding to wrap an arm around your shoulders as he pushes you closer. it’s not fair to either of you, he’s not your boyfriend, he shouldn’t be this close to you. 

it’s quiet in his room, save for the sound of cars driving down the road and the occasional huff you let out in your sleep. he isn’t tired at all, too lost in his thoughts as he stares up at the ceiling, the warmth of your body taking up all his thoughts. if he could, he would go back in time and stop you from confessing. he would’ve done it himself in the future, he just needed a little more time.

he can’t blame you though. it’s his fault for rejecting you, it’s his fault for thinking that he could make something happen out of this. there’s a small part of his heart that believes that you could like him again. you wouldn’t come back to him for sex every night, right? but the more realistic part of him knows that it could mean anything.

which is why he can’t stop you coming to him when you’re needy. it’s not even just those times, but he doesn’t think he could ever willingly cut you off. he likes spending time with you, and above everything else, you’re his friend.

he just can’t help but wish it could be a little more than that.

you always ask jaehyun to come over if he has the time.

as you both have grown older, it feels like you both have lost more and more time. when you were both college students, it was easy to skip a few classes and go to parties each night. but now as adults, it’s hard to find time for each other. which is why you ask him to go do mundane tasks with you, like buying groceries or trying on clothes.

today it’s going over to eat with him.

before he rejected you, it felt special to be invited to do these kinds of things with him. out of all the people he could’ve asked, he chose you. it didn’t take long for you to realize that, no, jaehyun asking you to spend time with him meant nothing but him being friendly. it’s weird looking back at how much you wanted jaehyun to like you more than a friend. 

as you make your way to his apartment, you realize how much time you spent just wishing for something to happen between you two. you wonder if it was something that was ever supposed to happen between you, or maybe if the timing just wasn’t right. you used to find yourself thinking about the what ifs after he had freshly rejected you. but now, you try to focus on what you have.

he’s just your friend, and you’re close to accepting that it’ll probably never be more than that. 

when you make it to his apartment, you don’t see him right away. you call out his name, hearing his voice from his kitchen. when you head over, you’re expecting a nice meal laid out for the two of you to eat. instead, you’re greeted by jaehyun standing by the stove, a stupid smile on his face as he greets you.

“so, you invite me over to come and eat.”

he nods, smile growing wider, “yes.”

“but i’m not seeing any food.”

“that’s because you’re gonna help me.”

you stare at him. he starts moving towards you, one of his arms wrapping around your shoulder, pulling you into his side. he starts dragging you towards where he was standing. you start whining, “you don’t need my help. you’re a whole grown man who can cook whatever he wants.”

he laughs, “but i need you to be my other chef… what are they called?”

you roll your eyes, “a sous chef?”

“exactly,” he points at you, as if you just solidified his argument, “what if i forget something and i need your help?”

you pat his shoulder, “then you call me while i sit over on the couch.”

he’s about to give up, but he swears there’s a certain look in your eyes that ask him to keep going. that’s how it always feels with you, a certain push-and-pull that you both can’t let go of. your fingers twitch against his shoulder, almost giving you away. he moves to hold your hand, “how about you at least watch me on the side. i just wanna talk to you.”

you almost want to point out his pouty tone, want to laugh at how there’s a frown on his face. but you can’t. he looks a little too sincere, and you don’t want to think too hard about the feelings he doesn’t have for you. you sigh, eventually giving into his words. it’s always like this, jaehyun acting like he can’t go on without you. that’s what got you here in the first place.

he smiles when you approach him, so close that his arm is touching yours. it doesn’t matter how long or how many times he’s had sex with you, to have you close to him like this makes his heart soar. 

it’s like this for the whole time you both cook. your hands lightly grazing his, the sweet smile you show him when he does good, the laugh you let out when he messes up. you take over some parts for him without him asking you to. he can’t help let his mind wander, thinking this is how it would be all the time if you two were dating.

he wouldn’t have to beg you to do something with him, you would do it on your own accord. he wouldn’t have to hold back how much he wants to kiss you, he could press as many kisses on your cheeks or lips. he could stand behind you, wrapping his arms around you as you forcibly kick him off of cooking duty.

instead, he’s standing in front of the food he’s making, probably overcooking it as you point and laugh at him. you even take out your phone to take a picture of him, laughing as you fiddle with your phone. he swats at you, grumbling, “if you posted that on instagram, i am definitely blocking you.”

“you know me so well. i tagged you and everything.”

he chooses not to respond, taking out plates from his cabinet for the both of you. he can see you standing next to him, waiting to plate your food. he quickly decides to plate it for you, trying to hide his pink cheeks as he pushes the plate towards you. when he’s plating his own, you speak up, “wow, what a gentleman!” he can hear the teasing tone you use, “you’re really setting the bar for all men, aren’t you, jaehyun?”

he decides to tease you back, “just trying to show you how much nicer i am than you are. you should post this on instagram, too.”

“nope, letting all my followers know how mean and horrible of a cook you are. i’m ruining your chances of getting with someone.”

he shakes his head in amusement, moving to one of the seats on his small dining table. you follow, sitting right across from him. he messes with his phone a bit before you can hear that it’s connected to his speakers. an unfamiliar tune starts playing as you watch jaehyun’s head bob along to the song. 

this is how it always is, eating together, listening to his annoyingly good music taste, and enjoying each other’s presence. the food he cooked is surprisingly good, but you try to denounce it because you did help him along the way. it’s quiet between the two of you, nothing really too important to talk about.

jaehyun notices your fingers tapping along the table to the beat of the song. he smiles, “do you like it? the song?”

you pretend to think about it, “hm... well, it’s good.”

“you’re not gonna secretly shazam it under the table like last time?”

“that was literally a one time thing,” you huff, “i’ll just go and find someone with the exact same music taste as you.”

he smiles to himself, “you know there’s no one else like me.”

you think about his words for a bit. he probably didn’t mean for them to have a double meaning, but you can’t help but find one. you wonder if you’ll ever be able to find someone who could’ve made you as happy as jaehyun does. you wonder if you do find someone, you’ll be able to forget jaehyun.

you feel like you’ve become so intertwined in his life that everything might lead back to him.

you eventually nod along to his words, “yeah, there’s no one else like you.”

“you’re kinda an ass for not picking her up yourself.”

jaehyun huffs at johnny’s words. it’s not that he didn’t want to, but you had assured him that you would make it on time. when he brought up your safety, you said that it was taken care of already. jaehyun couldn’t help but wonder who or what could possibly be more safe than him, but he didn’t want to argue. 

but now that you’re a little late, he can’t stop himself from worrying. johnny makes it worse, tearing into him, teasing him with every word. jaehyun hasn’t told him about his surfacing feelings for you, but johnny is notoriously nosy, probably knowing the exact day jaehyun thought that he started liking you. 

johnny takes one more jab at him, “she would’ve liked you more if you’d been the one who brought her.”

jaehyun’s shoulder bumps into johnny’s, “she already does like me a lot, so there’s no need for all of that.”

johnny shrugs, letting out an if you say so as he sips on his drink. as much as jaehyun wants to deny it, he really wishes he could’ve at least given you a ride. he would’ve immediately ditched johnny if you asked, would’ve been right outside your doorstep as soon as you said you were ready. he wants to tell himself that that’s just what friends do, but there’s something he doesn’t want to admit.

his hands move to pull out his phone, scrolling through your messages from the past hours. he knows he’s made a mistake as soon as he feels johnny’s eyes looking at his screen from over his shoulder. jaehyun makes a jokingly shocked face at johnny to try to distract him, but johnny’s face mirrors his own. 

johnny’s about to say something with a teasing smile on his face and jaehyun’s ready to stop him. instead, a ding comes from his phone, calling their attention. it’s a text from you, letting jaehyun know that you’re outside. he sends a text to you, his eyes moving to the entrance as he waits for you to walk in.

and there you are.

your eyes scan the room, looking for both him and johnny. jaehyun can feel his cheeks heat up at the sight of you, your face illuminated by the warm lights of the bar. he thinks you look pretty all the time, but now that he’s seeing you like this, he wants to keep it in his memory forever.

you quickly spot them, your face brightening up with a smile as you make your way towards them. you greet the two of them, johnny easily bringing you into a hug. when you turn to jaehyun, you expect the same, but his eyes stay on you for a moment too long. he notices your teasing smile, quickly clearing his throat before wrapping his arms around you.

johnny starts, “always so fashionably late.”

you laugh, “if i don’t come, who else is gonna be the funniest and sexiest person in our friend group?”

johnny moves to tuck an invisible strand of hair behind his ear, “i was holding that position just fine before you came.”

you slap his shoulder, a fit of laughter taking over you. jaehyun watches the two of you, quietly laughing at the side. he likes the dynamic the three of you have, always mentally thanking johnny for introducing you to him. he’d endure all of johnny’s teasing for years if it meant to have you laughing at his side.

it stays like this for a while. the three of you drinking together, laughing when johnny tries dragging you closer to the middle of the room to dance. jaehyun can feel his cheeks get hotter, pink from the alcohol and the not-so-visible adoration he holds for you. he tries to quiet his feelings, but when you lean into his side, your warm body pressing against his, he figures he can give up the act a little.

it’s at times like these where jaehyun realizes that he can see the you from before the rejection. it’s a bit selfish for him crave this side of you, the one where you don’t care how much you touch him or how you continue talking into his ear all night. he thinks that if you were both dating, he could lean over and press a kiss to your cheek, watching as you nuzzle into his side.

for now, all he can do is wrap his arm around yours as you both sway side to side. johnny went off to get another drink, promising to be back quickly. jaehyun has this little time to have you all to himself, listening to the loud chattering around him and the bass of the music loud in his ears. your eyes are closed, humming along to the song.

jaehyun could easily whisper into your ear about his feelings. you probably wouldn’t remember either way, but he knows it’s not right. it’s not like he’d want to do it this way, wanting to tell you honestly. but there’s a growing part inside his brain that’s begging him to do something about it. he has you so close now, so why can’t just say that he likes you?

the thoughts dissipate when johnny comes back, smile on his face with three more drinks in hand. johnny quickly notices how your arm is intertwined with jaehyun’s, and jaehyun can physically see the moment johnny comes up with a plan. jaehyun doesn’t bother moving from his spot, though, willing to sacrifice his humility just to have you by his side.

as if jaehyun wasn’t having thoughts of kissing or dating you, the conversation turns back to normal. the three of you chatting, exchanging work gossip and taking drinks from your cups. it’s like every night this happens, it’s a regular routine of talking and him having to fight back his more than friendly thoughts of his friend. 

except this time, while johnny’s explaining how he thinks his boss might be having an affair, you cut him off. johnny jokingly scoffs, turning to where you’re looking at. you both squeal, johnny’s hands finding your shoulders, shaking them back and forth. you gasp, “that’s him, right?”

johnny matches your tone, “totally him! i could recognize him from anywhere!”

raising an eyebrow in your direction, jaehyun asks, “and who exactly are we talking about?”

you turn back at him, “that’s jungwoo, someone we knew from college!”

the name sounds familiar to jaehyun. there’s probably been a few times you talked about him during one semester. he’s not sure which one it could be, but there’s a memory of a faint smile on your face while talking about him. it sets a weird feeling in jaehyun’s stomach, and he realizes you look a little too excited at the sight of jungwoo.

jaehyun’s arm is still looped around yours, a small frown on his face, “does everyone and their moms know jungwoo now?”

“he was funny in class and he bought me coffee once,” johnny hums.

you join in, “he is definitely funny and he did good when we worked on a project together.”

jaehyun pointedly glares at johnny when he speaks, but when you speak, he just holds you closer to him. he can see how johnny watches him, being reminded of how he looked like he was planning something earlier. jaehyun sees it now, johnny’s face darkening before he speaks, turning to speak to you, “i think you should go talk to him.”

jaehyun sends a pointed glare at him before looking at you, his eyes widening when he sees the shy smile on your face. you ask, “what if he doesn’t even recognize me?”

“why wouldn’t he? he always looked at you a certain way when you guys talked, he definitely remembers you.”

jaehyun wonders why no one told him more about this “jungwoo” and his apparent more-than-friendly feelings for you? if johnny knows, then does that mean the three of you hung out before without him? how much has jaehyun missed between you and jungwoo? jaehyun silently takes another sip of his drink, his eyes peering over his cup as he watches you get lost in your thoughts.

he thinks you might drop the conversation, but you breath out, “i’ll do it. i’ll go talk to him.”

jaehyun tries his best not to acknowledge the growing jealousy he can feel bubbling up in his throat. he has to bite back a remark that would probably make things worse for himself. he decides to let go of your arm, watching as you easily separate from him. johnny starts hyping you up, giving you encouraging words as jaehyun massages your shoulders.

although jaehyun wishes he could say don’t go over there or i’ll die, he decides to send you a thumbs up before you walk away. his throat burns, and as much as he wants to think it’s from the alcohol, it’s from seeing you walk away from him. you’re walking to someone that isn’t him, sharing your warmth that’s supposed to be jaehyun’s.

he realizes then and there that he shouldn’t be thinking that.

you’re pressed against jaehyun’s bed, his face burying into your neck as he leaves kisses across your skin. you had to tell him to not leave any marks when you feel his teeth nip at your skin, and you could’ve sworn you heard a huff come out of him when you did. he’s practically pinning you down, body barely hovering over yours.

there are days where he gets like this, too desperate to where he doesn’t realize he grips you a little tighter, his voice growing deeper, relieving all of his stress by making you both feel good. you can tell when he gets like this, a quick text of an you up? letting you know what he wants. you’ve grown to learn all his habits.

it does feel a little different today, though. he was quick to greet you, quick to bring you to bed to kiss you. there were no words of how work was hard for him or if he was stressed about something that happened. not that there’s anything wrong with him not saying, but there’s a certain desperation in his movements as his lips trail down your body.

you decide not to ask about it, not wanting to pressure him into talking about something he doesn’t want to talk about. you’re quick to forget about it when he presses a kiss onto your clothed clit. he calls your name, bringing your attention to the heavy gaze he gives you. he murmurs out, “gonna let me see this pretty pussy?”

you nod quickly, lifting your hips up so he can take off your panties. he moves to lay between your thighs, humming when he sees how you’re dripping for him. it’s embarrassing, trying to close your legs. you’re met with his hands keeping them apart, chuckling at the whine you let out.

“didn’t know you could be this wet for me. if i didn’t know any better, i’d think that you need me.”

you let out a small whimper when he traces a finger down your slit, “jaehyun, please, need you to- need you to do something!”

“tell me what you need, pretty. if you don’t tell me, how am i supposed to help?”

“need you, jaehyun! want your fingers, want you to touch me!”

“of course, that’s all i needed to hear.”

you can feel one of his fingers slide into you, your head falling back onto his pillow at the feeling. you clench around his digit, already begging for more, needing him to fill you up. he doesn’t tease you for being so desperate, quickly giving into your pleas as another finger slips inside you. you let out a cry when you feel his thumb circle around your clit.

“such a messy baby, dripping all over my fingers. needed me so bad, right?”

moans of his name tumble out of your lips when he curls his fingers inside you, hitting that spot that sends shocks down your spine. your hands are gripping onto the sheets, realizing just how fast you're about to cum. you’re sure he can feel you clench around his digits, especially when you manage to open your eyes and see him looking straight at you.

“gonna cum all over my fingers?”

“fuck, yes! please, wanna cum, need you to let me cum!”

his movements speed up at your words, “go ahead and show me how much you need it.”

you’re quick to fall apart, your orgasm crashing into you. your thighs shut around his hand that’s helping you ride out your orgasm. all you can hear are the sounds you make and the encouragement that jaehyun mumbles out to you. you’re too fucked out to realize that his clean hand intertwines with yours, his thumb rubbing the back of your hand.

before you can comment on it, he’s quick to pull away from you, hands moving to undo his pants. you move to try to do it for him, but he swats your hands away with a laugh. after letting you gawk at him for a bit, he takes his boxers off, a whine leaving you at the sight of his leaking cock. he tilts his head at you, “are you gonna let me fill your pretty pussy up?”

“please,” you moan. your legs move to wrap around his waist, bringing his hips flush to yours. his cock ruts against your cunt, still sensitive from your last orgasm. he shushes you when you let out a small gasp, one of his hands soothing the skin of your thigh. you let out a small cry when his tips rubs against your clit, the last of your patience running out.

you can tell it’s getting to him, too. his cheeks and ears are flushed, his eyebrows furrowed as he switches between watching your face and where he’s pressed against you. he bites back a groan when his tip catches at your entrance, trying hard not to push into you right then and there. he puts all his focus on you, “tell me that you want me to fill you up. tell me that you need me to fuck you.”

you whine, your head digging into the pillow. despite his flushed face, there’s a cocky look on his face as he stares down at you. you’re too desperate to try to fight back, losing the battle as you let out a whimper of his name. there’s almost a surprised look in his eyes as he sees you give up this easily, leaning down to give you a quick kiss to your collarbone.

“i know, baby, need you just as bad. gonna fuck you like you need it, okay?”

you whisper out a thank you as he moves to line himself up at your entrance. he slowly slides in, letting out a deep groan as he watches himself sink into you. he fights off his eyes from closing at the feeling of your tight cunt clenching around his length. you’re no better, writhing around in the sheets, whimpers of his name escaping you.

once he bottoms out, he lets out a grunt, “missed this pussy so much. so fucking warm, so tight, all for me.” you’re quick to agree, hands trying to reach at his shoulders to bring him closer to you. he gives in easily, huffing at how he can feel himself deeper inside you at the new position. he kisses the valley of your breasts, sucking lightly.

he starts off slow, teasing you as he thrusts into you, slow and deep. if you can listen past your own moans and whimpers, you can hear the quiet curses and sounds he lets out, trying to hide how much you’re affecting him. when your nails claw at his back, he breaks, “didn’t even mean to call you this late, i just needed you so bad.”

his words get to you, the fact that he wanted to call you because he was needy makes you clench around him. he can’t help but pick up the pace of his thrusts at the feeling, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the room. you don’t know what has him so worked up, but if he’s going to make you feel this good, you might have to figure it out.

you need just a little more, your hand trailing down your body to get to your clit. you moan in relief when your fingers circle your clit, clenching tightly around jaehyun’s length. it has his hips stuttering slightly, eyes making their way to your hand. he’s quick to push your hand away to replace it with his own, thumb making tight circles around the nub. 

he move up to whisper into your ear, “only i can make you feel this good, right? i know you better than anyone else, even yourself.”

you shake your head at his words, but your hips roll up into his, trying to fit more of him inside you. he chuckles lowly at the sight, a small smile on his face as he watches you. he’s slamming into you now, any patience he had now gone as he nears the edge. he starts, “no? trust me, pretty. i know just how you like to be touched, how you liked to be fucked. i know you so well that i just know that you’re close to cumming.”

tears prick your eyes, because yes, you are close to cumming. you can’t help it, not when he’s fucking you like this. he’s not usually this talkative, choosing rather to focus on getting away from any stresses. but now, he’s letting you in on his thoughts, letting you know what could possibly be nagging at him. you’ll save it for another time.

you’re surrounded by all of him, chest touching his as his warm breath hits your neck. you used to wish for him to kiss you during moments like these, moments where you’re both so close, adrenaline too high. now, all you can do is whine out his name, begging for him to let you cum.

it’s easy for you to let go of any past emotions you had for him, but for jaehyun, he wishes he could kiss you. he wishes that you could want him again, wishes that he didn’t have to fuck you like this. this is what he wanted, though. he just didn’t think it would be this hard. he tries to ignore it by groaning into your ear, “gonna cum for me? gonna cum all over my cock?”

“y-yes, please! you make me feel so good!”

“yeah? show me then, pretty girl. show me how i’m the only one who can make you feel this good.”

at the sound of his voice, you cum. your chest arches up into his, nails digging into his back as you let go. he’s moaning at the feeling, his hips stuttering as he tries to fuck into your tight pussy. he has to bite down onto your shoulder at the feeling, holding back just how bad he wants to cum inside you.

when you start whining, he’s quick to pull out of your heat, quickly jerking himself off to the sight of how fucked out you look. with a moan of your name, his cum shoots out over your stomach, his cheeks a pretty pink as he does. 

it’s quiet in his room, save for the deep breaths you both let out. he’s just staring down at you, saving the image of you covered in his cum in his mind. you don’t mind, too tired to notice the slight adoration in his eyes as he stares. it is embarrassing though, covering your face with your arm as you tell him to move.

he blinks away his thoughts, chuckling at your embarrassment. he pats your thigh, moving away as he goes to get a towel to clean you up. he’s being careful with you, his movements slow as the towel moves around your body. there’s a soft look in his eyes, a lazy smile on his face as he indirectly touches you. he’s quick to throw the towel into his laundry basket, even quicker to join you in bed. 

in a motion that almost seems too soft for the fact that he just fucked you into his sheets, he pulls your back into his chest. one of his hands makes it to your side, letting it sit there. his breaths are evening out, fanning across your shoulder that he nuzzles into. his touches are hesitant against your skin, almost as if he was debating on whether or not he could touch you like this.

you almost want to push his hand away or try to make some space between the two of you. friends should not be holding each other like this, friends should not be letting each other bask in the warmth of their bodies. friends shouldn’t even be having sex, not like this.

but you figure just this once, you’ll let yourself have this moment. it’s a bit selfish, getting to have jaehyun like this. you wished he’d hold you like this every single time. you think if he did, you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from falling back in love with him. there’s no way for you to win when it comes to jaehyun.

as he presses a kiss and murmurs a goodnight into your shoulder, you make a promise to yourself: you won’t ever lose yourself over jaehyun again.

jaehyun realizes how little time he’s been spending with you recently.

he’s been hearing more about this jungwoo guy. you’ve told him can’t hang out, i’m with jungwoo right now or i’ll be hanging out with jungwoo later. you’ve been so busy catching up with jungwoo that jaehyun hasn’t had the time to talk to you. no more eating or shopping together, not when jungwoo’s around.

jaehyun doesn’t want to say he’s necessarily jealous of the relationship you two share, but can’t say it doesn’t sit right with him. jaehyun is still your friend after all, and he doesn’t like hearing you talk so much about him. during the small chances jaehyun gets to talk to you, you always slip in one mention about jungwoo.

what about jaehyun? what does jungwoo have that he doesn’t? he could totally treat and touch you better than jungwoo ever could. he practically does already. he can’t help but let these little thoughts enter his mind. if jungwoo’s in the way, how is jaehyun supposed to show you how much he likes you?

it’s one day that you’re both splayed across his couch, your legs resting over his as his thumb smoothes across the skin of your thigh when jungwoo is brought up again. out of the corner of his eye, he can see you smile and lightly laugh at your phone. jaehyun, being the nosy person that he is, can’t help but try to reach over to see what you’re laughing at.

you’re quick to push him away, chuckling at the sight of the small pout on his face. he tries again, and you decide it’s probably better just to sit beside him instead. you begrudgingly show him your phone, and he squints his eyes so he can read your screen better.

it’s quiet for a few moments before he hums at the texts between you and jungwoo. it’s a conversation funny enough to make you laugh. he tries not to roll his eyes at the cutesy way jungwoo texts, him being clearly interested in you. he doesn’t want to say anything about it though, doesn’t want you to know that jungwoo bothers him for reasons that he shouldn’t be thinking. 

“he’s funny,” jaehyun muses, trying to stop the snarky remark he wants to say.

“way funnier than you,” you tease, watching him deflate back to his side of the couch. 

“there’s been times where you’ve laughed at my jokes though, like laughed laughed.”

“i was either super drunk or bored out of my mind, so those don’t count.”

jaehyun rolls his eyes at you, deciding to ignore your words, choosing to believe that you think he’s the funniest man ever. he’s been finding himself having little competitions with jungwoo that only he’s a part of. jungwoo is funny? jaehyun is funnier. jungwoo is cute? jaehyun is cute, too, just give him a minute.

jaehyun tries to boil it down to the fact he’s always been competitive, but he knows it’s more than that. in his head, it doesn’t matter what jungwoo does better than jaehyun because right now, you're in his apartment, on his couch, deciding to spend meaningless time with him. 

“what have you both been doing? i haven’t seen you at all this week.” he hates how his voice sounds, a little too clingy for his liking, but he hopes you don’t hear it.

“nothing, really. we’ve just been going out to eat or hanging out when we have the time.”

jaehyun figures you both somehow have all the time in the world in order to be hanging out this much. he makes his voice whiny before speaking, “i miss you, please don’t leave me forever.”

you laugh at the sound of his voice, pulling your legs away from him. “you’re acting like me spending time with jungwoo is gonna kill you.”

“what’s killing me is the fact i don’t get to see you that much anymore,” he grumbles. 

he notices that you don’t respond right away, and when he goes to look at you, your eyebrows are furrowed and there’s a certain look in your eyes. did he say too much? before he can start panicking, you turn towards him, “don’t do that.”

“do what?”

“pretend like you miss me when we already spend a lot of time together. you literally called me up the other night.”

jaehyun lets out a breath, “sorry, but you’re still my friend. i do miss you, i’m jealous that jungwoo gets to see you that much.” although he says it jokingly, there’s definitely truth behind his words. it might not mean much to you, but the fact that jungwoo gets to see you in a way that only jaehyun feels like he deserves, it hurts him.

“i’m gonna tell jungwoo you’re being mean to him,” you huff.

“tell him then,” jaehyun slings an arm around your waist, “let him know that he needs to learn how to share.”

“first of all,” you slide his arm off of you, “don’t say it like that because you make it sound like i’m an object. two, i think you might need to learn how to share.”

he hums, “you were mine first.”

“i was never yours,” you grouch, “you made that clear when you rejected me.”

he can tell you’re joking, but he can feel his blood run cold at your words. it’s a reminder to him that the rejection is still clear in your mind, reminding him just how much he hurt you. it will always be a reminder of how he messed up what could've been a good relationship with you if he just had more time.

he can’t blame you for his own mistake. he can’t.

in the best way he can, he puts his hands together and grovels, “please, can you find it in your kind soul to forgive me?”

you scoff, rightfully so, before grabbing your phone to take a picture of him. you’re quiet for a few moments more, jaehyun knowing that you’re about to post the picture on your instagram story for everyone to see, including jungwoo. he doesn’t want to stop you, equal parts of wanting to show off how you’re hanging out with him and a little bit of embarrassment. 

you set your phone down, placing your hands on top of his, “you can stop. now i kinda just feel bad for you. you do deserve it, though.”

jaehyun doesn’t move, staring at you with a certain look in his eyes. he can tell you right here, he thinks. he’s thought about what he’d say if he were to confess to you almost too much. he’s practiced his lines before, thinking up the perfect way he’d confess. it almost feels right to do it now, clearing his throat and-

your phone buzzes, pulling your attention away from him. he grimaces when you show him the notification. what seems to be jungwoo’s account liking your story, the story that has jaehyun begging for your apology posted on it. you sigh dreamily, “told you he’s funny.”

“not funny when it’s jungwoo.”

“jaehyun!”

you find yourself drinking at jaehyun’s place again.

it’s a slow night, both of you had stressful days. you choose to stay in jaehyun’s kitchen, laughing at unfunny words and pouring more wine for each other as the night rolls on. you didn’t mean to stay over so late, but jaehyun practically begged you to spend some time with him. you were quick to say yes under the guise that all he wanted to do was be with his friend.

before the night went too deep, you texted jungwoo saying that you probably won’t be able to call him tonight. he responds quick, a have fun! and i hope you sleep well :) flashing on your screen. you smile warmly at the messages, but quickly notice jaehyun also staring at them. you push at his shoulders, whining over how he’s invading your privacy.

his cheeks are rosy from the wine, a sly smile on his face as he asks, “how am i not supposed to look when i see you smiling like that.”

“you’re supposed to be a good friend and support me in my times of need!”

he puts his hands up in defense, that annoying smile still looking back at you, “thank you for being so vulnerable around me. and who’s to say i don’t support you in your times of need?”

you hear the double meaning in his words, swatting him away, “hey! you’re actually so gross.”

he just chuckles at your words, enjoying how easily you get embarrassed at his teasing. it’s been happening more often, and jaehyun can’t help but piece together that it might be because of jungwoo. jaehyun feels that you might be slipping away right in front of him, and he can’t really do anything to stop it.

you aren’t completely unaware of jaehyun trying to get you to hang out with him. he’s been sending more texts recently, nothing really important being said. you’re not sure how obvious you’re being with jungwoo, but you’re sure that jaehyun has at least an inkling on how you feel about him. which leads you to believe that jaehyun might be a little jealous.

it was never your intention to make him jealous. that night when you first saw jungwoo again was all unplanned. you never thought you would end up talking to him, never thought you’d like the way he treated you. he was so sweet to you, always trying to take care of your every need when prompted.

it’s bad to compare, but you realize that jaehyun’s only being so nice to you now is because jungwoo’s being nice to you. 

that’s not to say that jaehyun was never not nice to you, but you could tell that it’s a different kind of nice when it comes to him. the relationship you have with jaehyun now feels more like a bandaid to cover all of the bad things that have happened, no one bothering to address it. you don’t want to either way, no use in bringing up what shouldn’t be talked about.

even now, as you’re here with him in his kitchen, feeling the cold air from the open window drift in, there’s unspoken words between the two of you. you can hear the music playing from his speakers in the other room, the melody sticking in your head. it’s weird to think that you would’ve never gotten to see jaehyun like this if you didn’t stay with him.

it’s quiet for a few moments, apart from jaehyun humming along to the song that’s playing. it’s dark, his warm lights low as they cover the both of you. it’s nice like this, a little drunk and a little quiet; you don’t have to think about anything you don’t want to. you don’t think before you speak, “i do miss you, too, you know.” 

“yeah?”

“you’re still someone i appreciate, even after everything.”

he doesn’t respond, and you think he’s taking in your words. you’re not sure why you didn’t specify ‘friend’ but you know he knows better than to have his hopes up anymore. you see that the tips of his ears are pink, the lazy smile on his face showing that he’s a bit tipsy too. he’s not looking at you, you’re not really sure what he’s thinking-

“i think… i think i love you.”

“what?”

his eyes immediately snap to yours, widening as he realizes what slipped out of his mouth. slightly panicking, he stands up, trying to backtrack, “no, i- look-”

“what did you say?”

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean it-”

“what does that even mean? you can’t just randomly say you love me and then take it back?”

he chooses not to answer right away, eyes darting all around as he tries to come up with an answer. he can fix this, he can help himself, it’s just… he doesn’t really want to. it’s almost selfish with how he feels a little relief with his confession. “since you’re asking,” he starts, “i… i like you. i’ve liked you for a while now.”

when he looks at you, the anger from before is still there. you’re biting down on your lip, hands balled at your sides as his words hit you. “jaehyun… do you know how wrong that is? since when? after you rejected me?”

“no, i- fine. yes, after i rejected you. i know it’s wrong and i know i shouldn’t but it clicked for me, even if it was a little late.”

“a little late? jaehyun, you’re telling me this after you know i’m talking to someone. you knew that there’d be a high chance that i wouldn’t feel the same. i know you’re not that dumb.”

“but that’s how you felt when you asked me out? even if there was a chance that i would say no to you, you still did it, right? that’s exactly how i feel, how bad would it be if i tried?”

a shocked laugh leaves you, “that isn’t fair! you’re not being fair! you’re not thinking about how i would feel knowing this!”

you think he knows that it’s not the same between you and him. you confessed because you genuinely thought you had a chance with him. jaehyun’s only confessing because you’re talking to jungwoo. 

“i should’ve never let this happen! fuck, i knew if i kept talking to you, something bad would happen.”

he scoffs, wanting to call out your bluff. “i never forced you to come over and talk. you weren’t forced to come over and have sex with me. you could’ve stopped this at any time, but you kept coming back to me.”

you let out an exasperated sound, “we were friends, jaehyun. friends hang out and talk, that’s literally all we were doing.”

he snaps, “friends don’t fuck. friends don’t hold each other after sex. you can’t say that you didn’t feel anything between us. that’s the whole reason i called you for sex the other day, i needed you."

you can hear how loud your heart is pounding in your chest. your head hurts already, the faint song playing in the other room only adding to the pain. there’s nothing more that you want to do than just go home. you wish you could’ve been more clear, you wished you would’ve drawn a clearer line between the two of you. now you’re stuck like this.

you sigh out, mumbling into the quiet air, “if i had known that you were gonna be like this, i would’ve made sure to end whatever we had as soon as possible.”

“if you never met jungwoo, then this probably never would’ve happened. i could’ve asked you out the normal way, but you kind of forced me into drunkenly confessing to you.”

you send a glare straight at him, “do not assume how i would feel in any situation. the fact that you didn’t even want to tell me that you liked me says everything i need to know.”

“how was i supposed to tell the girl i rejected that i like her now?”

“exactly! don’t you see how fucked up that is?”

he shrugs, closing himself off before you can start up again. you know how he gets, pretending that none of this really matters to him. it’s childish, and you know he knows it. you don’t know what else to do. if he can’t sort himself out, there’s no reason for you to be here anymore.

you’re quick to get up and out of the kitchen. he doesn’t look at you at first, but as soon as he hears you pack your stuff into your bag and your car keys in hands, he follows right after you. there’s a startled look on his face, you can tell that he didn’t think you would leave him. you watch as he raises a hand to stop you, but quickly puts it down after some thought.

you let out a breath, “i’m leaving. you can decide if you want to pull yourself together and grow up if you wanna talk. if not, don’t even bother texting me.”

he doesn’t try to argue, watching as you walk out his door. he can’t feel anything, doesn’t really want to do anything other than lay in bed. he walks over to his bedroom, the sound of a familiar slow song getting louder as he walks closer. he makes it inside, pausing the song before laying down onto his back. it’s quiet again.

he just ruined everything.

for the first time in a while, your life feels kinda normal.

there’s not a lot for you to worry about if you ignore a few things. work is fine, your friends are celebrating your freedom, and jungwoo comforts you in every way possible. you realize that jungwoo might’ve been everything you’ve been looking for in a person. he stays close when you need him and gives you space when you ask.

you tell jungwoo that you’re happy to have him right now. you tell him that you’re sorry for acting a little weird recently (he quickly denies your claim). you don’t tell him exactly what happened with jaehyun, but you can assume he at least knows a little. he doesn’t try to pry it out of you, choosing not to remind you of something you don’t want to think of.

and you’re not thinking about it. you haven’t gotten any texts from jaehyun, so why should you care?

as much as you don’t want to admit it, it does feel weird not having jaehyun in your life. you didn’t realize how much you thought about him or how much time was dedicated to being with him. it didn’t seem to matter at first because you thought it was because you both were friends, but you realize he was kind of stringing you along.

there’s a lot of time you have to yourself now. you don’t have to worry about jaehyun calling you randomly throughout the day or one of his spontaneous meetups. you don’t have to think about his you up? texts during the late hours of the night. you don’t have to think about any hurt he’s caused you in the past. none of it will mean anything anymore.

until you get a call from johnny.

“hey, johnny. what’s up?”

he skips right past your greeting, “why doesn’t jaehyun want to hang out with you?”

you’re shocked for multiple reasons. one, of course, johnny already knows your business. two, how dare jaehyun say he doesn’t want to hang out with you. you scoff, “what exactly did he say?”

“he said he was busy, but, like i know he’s not gonna be busy. and that obviously means that something is going on between you two.”

you want to scream into your phone’s microphone. jaehyun doesn’t deserve to set the boundary between you two. he was the one who messed it up in the first place, so why is he the one trying to put distance between you two? “johnny,” you start, “do you promise not to tell anyone about what i’m about to tell you? you can’t even tell jaehyun.”

he lets out a little shocked sound and you can imagine him sitting up straight. he whispers into the call, “what is it?”

“the other night, jaehyun told me he likes me. actually, in his own words, he said he thinks he loves me.”

he gasps loudly into the phone, “what? are you sure? like jaehyun said that? jaehyun?”

“exactly! it doesn’t even seem like something he’d do! he said it was because we were both drinking.”

“that doesn’t even matter,” johnny sighs, “you don’t go around saying that to your friend, especially not the friend you rejected before.”

“you get it! that’s literally what i told him! i need to sit down with you so we can discuss this.”

it’s quiet on the other side of the call, and by his silence, you can tell he’s planning something. it’s never good when he does, so you try to call out his name before he can think any more, but you’re too late.

“i think you should sit down with him to talk about what happened.”

you sarcastically laugh, “he hasn’t even texted me, there’s no way i’m talking to him first.”

“i didn’t say you should text him first, i’m just saying that you both should talk. you can’t just leave this off on bad terms.”

“and if i want to?”

“i know you don’t. plus, it feels like i’m a child whose parents are going through divorce, so you need to fix this.”

you whine into the phone, which causes johnny to laugh on the other end. he’s right, you don’t want this to end badly with jaehyun. even if you both decide to never talk again, you don’t want to have a strained relationship with him. after a few moments, you answer him, “fine, but don’t have your hopes up because even i don’t know what’s gonna happen.”

“okay, perfect, because i already kinda convinced jaehyun to meet up with you.”

“johnny!”

he defends himself, “like i said, i’m basically seeing you guys go through a divorce. please bring my family back together.”

“whatever, do what you want to do.” johnny cheers from the other end of the call, quickly letting out an you won’t be disappointed! before he hangs up, not even letting you say goodbye. as much as you try to hide it, a part of you is happy at the thought of jaehyun wanting to work things out with you.

even if you don’t know what you want just yet, you’ll get yourself ready.

you realize you’re no longer happy when a few days later, jaehyun shows up to your front doorstep, a frown painted on his face.

you almost want to slam the door on him when he speaks. his voice is quiet, “why did you tell johnny you didn’t want to hang out with me?”

as soon as he stops talking, it all clicks in your head. johnny tricked you both. you’ll have to get mad at him later, but for right now, you have to deal with jaehyun who’s pretending he didn’t just ignore you for almost two weeks. you reluctantly let him in, watching as he walks in almost too normally.

no one bothers talking, no one trying to make the first move. you’re staring him down and he tries to ignore the hard stare you’re giving him. while you’re glaring at him, you can see how he looks more tired than usual. the faint lines under his eyes give it away, and when he does finally make eye contact with you, it’s soft, no anger behind his eyes.

you step back, breathing in before speaking, “let’s go talk in my room.”

he sends you a soft smile, not needing you to guide him to your room. he knows the whole layout by now, feeling more like he’s leading you to your own room. he opens the door for you, choosing to let you walk in first. it’s awkward when you have to motion for him to step in, watching him not really knowing what to do.

you move to sit on your bed, and he moves to sit at your desk. it’s not as awkward as it is tense. you don’t know what to say, you didn’t plan on him coming over. his eyes are darting across your room, his eyebrows furrowed as he presumably tries to start the conversation.

“how are you doing?”

you roll your eyes at the simple question, “i’ve been doing fine. i feel like my life’s been a lot calmer since that day.”

he leans forward in his seat, “really? i feel like i’ve lost ten years of my life.”

deserved, you think. you gather all your thoughts before speaking, “i think the days that i spent without thinking about you really changed how i feel. i realized just how much i was entangled in your life. it wasn’t good for me.”

he looks off to the side, taking in your words. you see the hurt that settles in his face, you see how it’s going to be burned into his memory. he smacks his lips, “i think for me it’s the opposite. i realized during this time without you really solidified my feelings. i can’t lie and say that my feelings have changed, because they haven’t.”

you feel anger bubbling up inside you, but you can’t do that today. you take a few breaths, calming yourself down as you focus on what you’re most curious about, “why did you start liking me?”

“i don’t even know. i know it’s shitty of me to realize how much you mean to me after i said no to your confession. i understand why you said no to me.”

“i’m sorry for getting mad so quickly. it was just so out of the blue, i never would’ve expected you to say that.”

you pat the spot on your bed next to you, calling his name softly. he slowly moves to your side, his eyes focused on his hands splayed across his knees. after all this time without you, he wishes he could hold your hand in his, even if he tried to play it off as a joke. it’s been too long without your touch. you took away the only thing that kept him close to you. 

“can i ask something?”

he nods, putting all of his focus on you. it feels intense when he does, you haven’t had him this close in a long time. you clear your throat, “this wasn’t all because of jungwoo, right?”

he sighs, his jaw clenching as he thinks of the right words to say. he’s deep in thought, and you almost want to tell him to drop it all together. he decides to speak up, “honestly? seeing you both together kind of made me realize my feelings. i was losing you to him, and i really couldn’t handle it. i’m not trying to ruin whatever you have going on with him, i promise.”

you don’t know what else to say. so much of this could've been prevented if you kept an eye out for yourself. you also wouldn’t want to go back and change what you’ve done. you don’t regret ever being jaehyun’s friend, you don’t regret all the memories you’ve made with him. 

“so, this… this is really over then?”

you shrug, “i would think so.”

it’s quiet for a few moments, the both of you letting the thought seep in. “this” has never been defined between the two of you, but you can assume it’s almost everything you do together. what you’re feeling now is close to how you felt when he first rejected you. what’s different now is that you can’t help but feel just a little relieved, ending something that probably should’ve never happened.

in another world, you think you would’ve reciprocated jaehyun’s feelings. it would’ve been easy, pieces easily falling into place as you both fall for each other. it’s almost as if it were supposed to be something that was natural. but jaehyun had given the time for you to move on, and you did. it was too late for him to realize his own feelings.

“we can still be friends if you can handle that.”

he laughs incredulously, “if i can handle that? i’m a grown man, thank you very much.”

“yeah? well i think if i were you, i wouldn’t be able to hold back my feelings,” you tease.

he grumbles, “too soon, you’re too mean.”

jaehyun watches a pretty smile adorn your face, and if it weren’t for the current circumstances, he would tell you how pretty you look. he keeps the thought to himself though, opting to ask, “how about one last drink together as friends who are a little more than friends?”

you hum, pretending to think about it. you watch worry wash over his face, and you do feel bad a little bit. “one more time, just for your sake. you look like you might start crying.”

he groans as you walk away to get some wine for the both of you. you’re by yourself for a few moments as you pour the drinks. you feel awkward in here by yourself, left with thoughts and memories of all the things you’ve done together. all the times you’ve had sex, all the times where he’s felt like your boyfriend, but none of it holds to him being your friend.

you don’t know if you can continue being friends with him. 

it would be unfair to jungwoo. you haven’t told him the exact dynamics of how your friendship with jaehyun worked, but you can assume he knows most of it. 

you return to the sight of jaehyun looking around your room. he’s been in here too many times to count, and yet seeing him here now, it’s weird. he feels out of place, he feels almost like a stranger in your own apartment. despite the history you have with him, it seemed to fall apart so easily as soon as conflict hit.

he thanks you quietly when you hand him the glass. you take a small sip of your drink, watching jaehyun do the same from the corner of your eye. after the drink, he chooses to speak, “so how are you and jungwoo?’

“that’s how you want to start our small talk?” you splutter out.

“i mean, can i not be interested in my friends' love life?”

well it’s hard when you were directly involved in it. you shrug, taking another small sip before speaking, “i’m… really happy that i’m talking to him. he takes care of me, he’s always asking how i’m doing. it’s nice being with him.”

you can tell jaehyun is trying not to let your words affect him, “are you both… officially dating yet?”

his words make you shy, your facing feeling hot at the idea of dating jungwoo. brushing off his words, you laugh, “no! not yet, at least. i think i’d say yes if he asked me out.”

he nods, his head hanging heavy, hand twirling the wine in his glass. you know what he’s thinking, you don’t need to ask him. you can’t be his, you won’t ever be his. you think that this was never supposed to work out, no matter how hard you tried or how much you think he could’ve loved you. he wasn’t meant for you.

“okay, one more thing.”

he nods, turning his attention back on you.

“did you really mean it back then, like, when you said that you weren’t ready for a relationship?”

“yes, i was scared. i think back then, even though i didn’t realize it, i also had feelings for you. but it was… it just wasn’t the right time for me. even though i liked spending so much time with you, there were things i wanted to figure out first.”

you cock your head to the side, “like?”

he hums in thought for a bit, trying to remember times from so long ago. thinking back, you remember how you felt old, you felt like you were already an adult. but he’s right, there were still things you didn’t know about yourself, and you wonder if dating jaehyun would’ve stopped you from figuring them out.

“i guess… mostly wanting to decide what i wanted to do with my life. now that i’ve somewhat settled, i feel more confident in what i want. even though it came at the worst time, i was so sure that i could see you in my future.”

the confession doesn’t hurt as much as you thought it would. you can relate to how he feels. for the longest time, you felt that you needed jaehyun in your life. it wasn’t until after he confessed to you that you saw that there’s more to your life than him. you’re thankful for all the time you’ve had with him, but there’s still so much more for you to do.

it’s like this for a few more hours, the sunset bleeding into the night time. you both have a few more drinks, jaehyun eventually turns on music playing on his phone. you feel a lot better now. you only want the best for jaehyun, and you think that this is the best for the both of you.

jaehyun has to leave at some point, one of the last buses back to his place coming soon. you don’t want him to go, you don’t want him to leave the comfort of your bedroom. there’s a small part of you that’s scared that you’ll never see him here again. you try to remind him that this is what you both need, clear, distinct boundaries.

you walk him to your door, “you’ll text me once you're at your apartment, right?”

he shuffles over, “yeah, i will. johnny will make sure i get there safe.”

you nod, opening the door for him. he walks out, watching you with an unsure look on his face. a part of you wants to let him in, wants to let him give you one last kiss. it’s wrong, your grip on your door getting tighter at the thought. he still has a strong pull on you, your hand wanting to reach for his.

it’s not meant to be.

“goodnight, jaehyun. i’ll see you soon, okay?”

“alright, goodnight. i… i’ll be here if you ever need me. i’ll wait.”

you smile, “i know. thank you, get back safe.”

he nods, waving you off before he walks away. you close the door, locking it behind you. it’s quiet now, no soft conversations, no laughing, just the sound of your feet pattering on the floor. 

you don’t really feel like crying. you don’t feel like there’s something missing inside you. jaehyun used to be a big part of you, but as time went on, he took up less and less space.

there’s more important things to worry about than someone who couldn’t make time for you. you have time to figure things out now, you have time to figure out what you really want, whether that’s jungwoo or someone else. 

you’ve never felt better. 

as jaehyun scrolls through instagram, he sees a post from you. it’s been a while since he’s seen you in person, so he’ll take anything he can get. the first few photos are of you, and the next few are pictures of things he assumes you found pretty. the last photo is what makes him pause, a photo of what he can only assume is jungwoo holding your hand.

he checks the comments, some of your friends replying with different emojis, all to tease you with. they all seem to know about your budding relationship with jungwoo. jaehyun’s glad that it’s going well for the both of you. it’s what you deserve after what he put you through.

he hung out with you and johnny the other day. as much as everyone tried to be normal, he couldn’t shake off the feeling that he changed the dynamics of your friendship. you and johnny were the same, easily laughing and joking around with each other. it’s not exactly awkward when you and jaehyun talk, but the air around you is certainly different.

it’s what should’ve happened, at the start of it all you both should’ve set rules. jaehyun realizes that he would’ve never gotten to see you in the ways he did. warm lights from his kitchen painting over your skin, or when the light from the moon would shine over your body while he holds you close. he wouldn’t trade those memories for anything.

you were all he had, and losing you is something he will always regret. he knows that you’re doing good now, not just with jungwoo. he doesn’t want to come in and ruin what you’ve built up. it doesn’t matter how much he wants to hold you in his arms or kiss you, you’re better off without him.

he just wishes he had more time.

a/n: hey people... what did we think of this ending... jaehyun is my friend i do not hate him i like him... anyways i hoped u like this... it took longer than i thought it would but im glad its out HOORAYYY

taglist: @froggyforyoongi @the-universe-in-you-jjh @ppeachyttae @omlhyck @hazyhae @haechology @jaehyunful @girlwholoveslpreppyattire @diorcities @hrts4doie @ohmytyong @ecvm5236 @faeryus @riri4andy @rjtulips @missesgirl @shiorebirth @sugaringgcaramel @camomillie @ninicornposts @il02isa @sincerelyneo @perfumejamal @justhgiwo @lovingyoulovinme2 @babyriannie @eunseoksimp @jeonreal @mawnehkah @shoetaroshoe (thank u all omg 🫂❤️)

♡ꜜ broken mirrors﹫jaehyun jung

pairing : jaehyun x reader (f), ft. nct dream and johnny. 

genre : angst, smut, horror-ish, cursed!jaehyun, (kind of bloody mary!au), college!au. 

warnings : jaehyun is meant to be kind of twisted, some toxic and manipulative behaviour from him, black magic, mentions of rituals, mentions of blood, mentions of murder, mention of anxiety, voyeurism, choking, guided masturbation, degradation, pet names : doll, darling, kid, reminder jaehyun is an entity from the victorian era, reader is kind of reckless and impulsive. 

word count : 25k exactly. 

synopsis : where your college friends recall a creepy legend known around your university about a man that appears in mirrors and grants you two wishes when summoned. Jisung is dared to say his name three times and see what happens. you at first brush it off as some copy of bloody mary but, when your friend chickens out and swears something happened in that bathroom, you can’t deny the shift in atmosphere everyone felt. once in your dorm, the urge to try it out mixed with fear pushes you over the edge. it’s probably fake anyways, right ? you summon Jung Jaehyun in the middle of the night, on your bed, and he is not what you expected him to be. 

a/n : this was supposed to be a short one shot, lol. reminder this isn’t an all pink story. for the people who’ve read my other stuff, it’s quite different from what i usually write ! also, this isn’t proofread. in case tags don’t work : @nct-writers​ @neowritingsnet​ @thekpopnet​.

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oh my gosh. this is genuinely one of the most beautiful pieces of writing that I’ve read

The Peace in Her Arms

Pairing: god!Jaehyun (koschei!Jaehyun) x priestess!reader

Genre: Dark romance, fantasy, slow burn, smut.

Word count: 30.1k

Summary: After winning the war against Death, Jaehyun, the Lord of Life, finds himself a lovely wife to enjoy peace, but is soon met with a violent rematch that forces him to send his wife away. Two years later, after carrying his victory with him on the way back home, he finds out that the mournings and havocs of conflict don’t even compare to the pain of his wife not taking him back.

Warnings: contains detailed descriptions of sex, praise and breeding kinks, mentions of violence, as well as references to religions and divinities. 

N/A: This plot was solemnly based on Deathless, by Catherynne M. Valente and the entire Russian mythology towards Koschei, the Deathless.

© This fic is an original work by jaevie, 2023.

The night was starry as though the moon had kissed the darkest of dusks to light up the ceremony. The breeze was fresh, gentle enough not to blow out the uncountable candles decorating the garden in front of the manor. White tents were set. Women wore their most elegant dresses, and men had that respectful look on their faces, one that unconsciously mixed with relief now that another war was over. Roses impregnated the atmosphere with their red warmth, attracting the tiniest bees and other adorable bugs, all invited to witness the Lord of Life getting married.

Both you and Jaehyun had considered a small and intimate ceremony, but it had been a bad idea. You were too known for your own good: you for being a popular priestess with healing hands and a brain graced with mythical knowledge; and your soon to be husband for creating life and everything it owned.

“You look stunning,” Vasilisa whispered under her honest breath, looking at your image in the mirror. The servant had been your faithful confidant all the time you stood in Jaehyun's manor. “White really suits you, m’Lady.”

You looked over your shoulder, face covered by a lace hood. “We’ve talked about the m’Lady thing before, Val. That is not necessary.”

“You’re too humble for your own good, m’Lady.”

Vasilisa was right. You felt stunning, the white dress smoothly hugging your silhouette, outlining the shape of your waist and breasts. Even your thighs could be guessed under the silky fabric. The hood belonged to a cape that touched the floor, with the delicate work of seamstresses on its length.

“Come, it’s time,” Vasilisa offered you her hand and a small bouquet of white lilies. With a quickened heartbeat, you followed her down to the garden.

Everyone awaited you, eyes all curious and devouring. On the other hand, you could only care for the tall manly figure waiting for you on the other side.

While you were cladded in vibrant white, Jaehyun wore pitch black with red details on his suit. The Lord of Life had a romantic and dark aura, hair as dark as the eye holes of one’s skull, winter skin and long lashes that caught your attention the first time you landed your eyes on him. He had the appearance of a young man even though he had seen more years than everyone in that garden combined — a detail everyone forgot the second he smiled, sharp teeth and a lonely dimple adding charm to his face.

The man who breathed life into every little being, who saw it all, who tasted it all — that man was bare to his soul in front of you, surrendered to love. Tears glistened in his eyes while you walked to the altar. Once you got to him, his arm smoothly slid around your waist.

“I couldn’t begin to tell you how breathtaking you look,” Jaehyun mouthed.

You wiped his tears away, smiling with the sight. “So are you, my love.”

The High Priestess cleared her throat before initiating her speech. Not only she knew the secrets of the heart, but she was going to seal Jaehyun’s soul to yours with the blessing of all divinities. Not that Jaehyun needed permission from others, as he too had created the gods. However, he respected you and your religion, and it was both polite and symbolic to follow the script.

“Time to make your vows,” the High Priestess announced.

“A marriage is a very private thing,” Jaehyun started, his large eyes soft and frank. “I don’t intend on making my vows comprehensive and reasonable to others, just to you. You, my light in the dark. A husband is not a husband if he can’t be his wife’s best friend and her most ardent lover. If he can’t be at her feet, begging for her love, as I am now. As I will always be. I will feed you when you’re hungry. I’ll make the world go silent when you’re tired. Build a hole in time just for you when you wish to escape, and wait until you’re comfortable enough to come out, because a husband is not to confine, a husband is to free. My love for you desires nothing but to let you dare. Let you be. I am as cruel and demanding as a god can be, but for you, and only you, I will be your faithful husband.”

And like that, you were lost forever.

“You met me at the battlefields.” You still remembered that day: the agony screams were background music as you made the soldiers swallow potions and worked on bandages that smelled like mauve, aloe and rue. “I had always thought love itself was a battlefield in which women had no freedom. To me, marriage had never been for lovers, but for the heartless and the selfish. Today, I take those words back. I couldn’t be happier to be your wife, your confidant, your partner. I give myself to you in love and anger, in peace and chaos, in light and dark. I am yours, Jaehyun. Yours truly. For you I keep fighting, and for you I put my weapons down.”

The both of you slid the thin silver rings on each other’s finger, gazes overflowing adoration. After his hand cupped your jawline and his thumb rubbed your cheek, Jaehyun leaned forward until your lips touched.

“I love you, Y/N. Eagerly.”

You smiled. “I love you. Restlessly.”

As husband and wife, you followed to the reception. You saw many familiar faces amongst the crowd: Taeyong the Lord of Word; the oldest of the old witches, Baba Yaga; the poor and terrifying Bauk, and the otherworldly Lord of Beauty, Ten. Jaehyun’s second in command, John the Knight, was there too, making good use of his politeness to charm the village girls. The guests ate and drank, relishing in food so colorful and luscious one could eat it with their eyes and be satiated. Traditional music was played by a local girl band you knew from your tavern adventures. Bliss and wonder filled the atmosphere.

Jaehyun slid his hand under the table, intertwining your fingers. Your gazes locked right with such fulfillment it made you chuckle out of joy. It was what everyone deserved after the war. After Jaehyun, the Lord of Life, defeated Yuta, the Lord of Death.

Except peace was a very dangerous thing to believe in, you were about to discover.

The candles gave it in, suddenly blown out, even if there was no wind. Only the moon and the stars lit the tents now.

A cold shiver ran down your spine.

Jaehyun tightened his grip on your hand, looking away from your face into the deep darkness ahead of the manor, where the oak trees shook with the piercingly cold breeze.

The night got darker. The guests went silent.

The world took a deep breath.

And then, the shadows of Death came out to play.

They laughed like sharp icicles falling from the sky, moving so fast you lost track of where they were. When you blinked an eye, one of them was by your side, right after Vasilisa.

You remember looking down to your shoes, stained in lively red blood, blood that didn’t belong to you, but to Vasilisa’s slaughtered throat. The sound of her body meeting the floor would haunt you for the rest of your days.

You looked over at Jaehyun. A cruel stillness shielded him like armory, and you knew your husband was once again a general. He was not Jaehyun anymore, but Koschei, the Lord of Life, never scared, unbroken. Deathless.

His eyes were cold when he met yours.

Before you could stop it, Koschei had made one single command to John. John, who put you on the horse and rode you back to the mortal realms. John, whose chest you hurt with your fists, commanding that he rode you back to your husband.

-

The war had ended.

Confident, the sun shone twice as bright between the orange clouds, like water mixing with streams of blood. The birds sang graceful melodies, children ran freely on the cobblestone streets, flowers bloomed in silent laughter, and mothers welcomed their daughters and sons for a warm afternoon that smelled like cakes and coffee. Everything felt alive with pleasure.

You looked over the street through the sunglasses slipping down your nose, carefully watching the euphoria as the newspaper boy screamed with full lungs that THE WAR IS OVER! PEACE IS FINALLY HERE! THE WAR IS OVER!

Everything about that day… Everything reminded you of him.

Forcing yourself to distract your mind, you turned on your heels to keep walking. It was a perfect day to lock up inside the coziness of your home, where nothing would disturb your heart. No news about life, no news about death. However, once you got to the corner of your street, you overheard a little girl praying with her fists against one another, so concentrated in her genuine words that perhaps she didn’t notice how loud she sounded.

“Dear Koschei, I thank you, loving Father, for this day. Thank you for putting an end to this horrible war,” she repeated like a mantra. Behind her back, the ruins of a school stood still, silent and absolute.

“Hey, girl,” you called curtly, making her open her eyes, caramel and expecting. “What exactly are you doing?”

“I’m thanking the Lord of Life, our darling Papa Koschei, for winning the war,” she readily replied. “I know the war was fought by humans, but at the Holy Land of the Lords, Koschei fought for us, and we won.”

The Holy Land of the Lords. The immortal realm, which details remained in your every fiber. Every oak tree, every rook, every crystal river making rocks roll softly under their flows.

“Is that what you believe in?”

“I know it!” The girl passionately replied, her lower lip nearly pouty. “Papa Koschei takes good care of us and would never ever let us die! He's powerful and handsome and I hope he listens to my prayers to take to his realm one day.”

You understood why you’d stopped in front of the girl in the first place. You still wanted to hear about him; still thrived on seeing people indulge into having faith in him, because Koschei the Deathless brought them hope.

What killed you inside was that he had not been as generous to you.

The little girl was right. He wouldn’t let her die. Even if it cost him his marriage.

Once you stepped into the small apartment you called home, removing your red scarf, it wasn’t particularly hard to notice the old lady sitting by the kitchen table, her nose buried in the newspaper.

“The war is over,” Baba Yaga hummed. Her face was wrinkled by years and magic, her spine curved into itself. Her presence was loud and tragic, like a strident mischievous laugh in the depths of the world. Her cat eyes as young as a newborn’s. “Jaehyun won. Now he will come for you, to finally be your husband.”

“Koschei stopped being my husband the moment he sent me here,” your reply was blunt and definitive.

Baba Yaga rolled her eyes. “Two years later, and you’re still the same stubborn, spoiled bride. Don’t you understand he did that to keep you safe?”

“The war was his as much as it was mine,” you retorted, all your emotional scars bleeding and flooding the old rug on the kitchen floor. “I was his wife.”

“You are human,” the oldest of the old witches corrected you. “Too precious for Jaehyun to risk. He had sent you here, to the mortal realm, to keep you safe with me. Or do you think I spent the last two years happy that my obligation was to look after a causeless rebel?” Her gaze pierced you like a needle that knew precisely where to stitch. “Plus, he did send you letters,” she remembered.

Baba Yaga had a point: a war between Life and Death had a direct impact on the mortal realm. Diseases that spread fast, countries that devastated others in the name of progress, genocides motivated by greed and power. That was the way of the world, and Koschei had sent you back into the mortal realm, where the civil war took place, because even if humans battled and killed each other, you would be safer there, with Baba Yaga keeping death away from you.

His letters, though, were burned after you read them. Jaehyun promised a lot, but delivered nothing. No empty words were going to make you feel like a wife.

Taking a deep breath, you looked over the window. Now, the sky was a deep violet, like the first flower to blossom after winter.

“Have you ever understood me, granny?” you asked, even if Baba Yaga hated being called that. “You were there. You listened to our vows. He promised to let me be, that I was going to have as much freedom as a woman could, and I promised to fight for him, because it was the wish of my heart. And then he sent me here. Koschei didn’t give me the tiniest chance to help, to be by his side when he needed me the most. He acted exactly like the husbands I always despised.”

Baba Yaga looked over at you with those firm, impossible to intimidate eyes, dark amethysts that saw through your spirit. You felt both acceptance and opposition, refuge and danger, understanding and disdain.

“Dead wives can’t do anything, child. I respect your hate, and your pride, but stupidity has never made me pity anyone. Love is way more complex than you wish to comprehend.”

You were about to open your mouth to defend yourself when someone knocked on the door

Your heart jumped in your chest, as if it desired to climb up your throat and run. A tall silhouette stood behind the door, seen through the blurred glass. A shadow you could recognize amongst millions; one whose body you knew like a patriot knew the map of her country.

A smirk took shape in Baba Yaga's thin lips. “As I said, Papa Koschei is coming for you.”

You could even feel his scent: amburana notes filling your nostrils with the many memories you kept buried in the deepest coffin of your reminiscence.

Jaehyun.

He had come personally to see you.

Breath got stuck in your throat. Your stomach trembled. You were going to vomit. You were going to panic. You were going to die.

Gathering every fragile piece of fiber, you breathed deeply before staring into Baga Yaga’s stone eyes again.

“Tell him there is nothing he can possibly do to ever make me want to see him again,” you determined before cowardly walking to your room, your legs melting like butter in a frying pan.

-

Death came to everyone. It wasn’t a secret, nor a surprise. Every creature, once born, had no choice but to perish. Some did it very quickly, while others had a long life before being embraced by the numbing hug of death.

There was only one creature that couldn’t die: Koschei, the Deathless, who hid his Death.

It was said that it was hidden inside a needle, which was in an egg, which was in a duck, which was in a black hound, which was in an iron chest, which was buried under an oak tree, in the distant immortal realm, in the island of Buyan.

Only someone who possessed Koschei’s hound could have him in their power.

You knew the myth. Everyone did.

While Life and Death fought endlessly, you minded your own business. You always knew you would grow up to become a priestess. It was in your blood: you learned from your grandmother how to make potions and summon spiritual guides, and your mother taught you how to heal people with herbs. You studied their methods and absorbed their knowledge eagerly, burying your nose in books and devouring every little thing you could learn about magic.

Plants needed to be activated with mantras, candles needed to be lightened with intention, incense burning to keep the energy level, and your spirit needed to be taken care of. Your altar must be kept clean and holy, fed with prayers and meditation, as the holy images of saints watched for you.

Therefore, there was nothing else you could choose as an occupation than being a priestess with a temple inherited from your ancestors. A temple in which people would step into, searching for healing.

Except war got in the way. Meaning that it was not in the temple that people needed your help, but in the battlefields.

When you volunteered for war, you thought you were doing something noble, but as the bombs fell from the sky and families were forever destroyed… When friends and lovers were covered in blood and death, you wish that type of nobleness was never necessary in the first place.

Perhaps, if the Lord of Life and the Lord of Death stopped fighting… If they only could live at peace, others could too.

Not that you expected to ever find out. Few were the people sent to the immortal realm that returned to tell the story. It wasn’t usual for a human to face a Lord or Lady and make their wishes in person.

But you had your chance.

“You’re recruiting nurses for the immortal realm?” Your eyes widened as you grabbed the flier, looking over at the young boy who just had handed it to you.

“Not nurses. Priestesses,” he corrected. “As one, you’ll assist Koschei’s army personally.”

“Aren’t his soldiers immortal?”

“No. Only Koschei can’t be killed. His soldiers can. That’s why we need priests and priestesses, not nurses. To stitch them up.”

It wasn’t hard to make your decision. Your grandmother had passed away years ago, and your mother disappeared in the North, raising suspicions that she was caught by wicked witch hunters.

You had no one.

The boy had not specified how the trip to the immortal realm was going to take place, but you still met him at the park two days later, under an oak tree, as he had told you to, with a crumbly leather suitcase with all your belongins inside.

“His death is hidden inside a needle, which is in an egg, which is in a duck, which is in a black hound, which is in an iron chest, which is buried under an oak tree…” you whispered to yourself, watching as the leaves danced the choreography of the wind.

The boy that recruited you showed up in a war truck and motioned for you to come inside. At the back, six people were already in, including a young man with a soft appearance, whose side you sat at.

The boy started driving, and the truck shook on the paving stones. “How can a boy drive?” You asked, not low enough to keep the question private.

“He’s not an ordinary boy,” the young man by your side murmured politely. “That’s Jisung, the Lord of Choices.”

Your eyes widened. “A Lord? Have I just met a Lord?”

“You have,” he chuckled, then offered his hand. “I’m Mark.”

“Y/N,” you shook his hand.

“First time being recruited?”

“Yes. What about you?”

“Third.”

“But you’re so young!”

“My mother served Koschei her entire life. She occasionally came to the mortal realm for some fun, that’s how she met my dad… And the rest is history.”

“So you know him?” you hummed. “Koschei?”

“No, but I’ve seen him. You’ll see him quite a lot on the battlefield, commanding the army.”

You wondered what the army looked like. Poor souls that wandered the fields in shining armor, fighting against the lethal shadows of Death.

As the truck continued to bounce, its sway had you drowning in your own thoughts. How would Koschei be? Was he an old wizard with a long white beard and protuberant bones, as the fairytales presumed? Or was he the handsome man that stole girls from villages to satisfy his needs, as told in the taverns? Was he capable of happiness, or after so many wars and losses, he was blind to anything else? Was he kind? Stern? Did he regret hiding his death? Was he lonely?

You didn’t know how much time had passed as you occupied yourself with your imagination, but you suddenly noticed the road was now smooth and the sky outside darker. In your heart, magic surrounded you.

You looked at Mark, searching for answers.

“It’s just like that. Magic,” he nodded, confirming that you were now in the immortal realm.

Mountains howled at the moonlight. Red birds cut the night. Witches rode the sky in their brooms. Flowers blossomed nonstop — roses, lilies, tulips, dahlias, buttercups, orchids, begonias —, filling the air with the richness of their perfume. Children were born. Women and men loved women and men. Dogs barked, cats purred, butterflies batted their colorful wings, rabbits hid from foxes. Sailors arrived wandering drunkenly at the harbor, and merchants came to inspect the ships. A circus had just arrived and planned their first night of intense presentations, with lion tamers, tightrope walkers and magicians. Food barracks were set to feed the city, as the steam of the cooking ascended to the vivid atmosphere. Everywhere you went, there was laughter and… And life.

“I thought I was coming for war…” you only managed to murmur.

“You are, don’t be mistaken. But this is the land of Koschei. Life has no boundaries, does it?”

The truck came to a stop and two of the people in the back jumped out. Then, the trip continued as you distanced from the city, diving into a road adorned by trees and silence.

“Koschei keeps the city safe. It is where citizens live,” Mark added.

“Does he live there too?”

“Oh, no. He lives in Buyan, the island.”

You let the answer sink in before making another question. “Why did you volunteer again, Mark, if I may ask?”

He turned his face to the side, as though he didn’t want you to see the sparkle in his eye. “I’m coming for the woman I love. Vasilisa. She is one of Koschei’s personal servants.”

You stood silent for a while. “Isn’t it hard, loving someone that lives in a different dimension? I mean, don’t you miss her?”

Mark grinned, looking down at the way his nervous hands played with each other. “We miss each other all the time, yes. But that’s love. We care about nothing else when we’re together, and respect each other when life gets rough.”

You had no idea how many hours it took for the truck to reach its final destination, but you knew when it happened. The atmosphere got tight as though a hand wrapped around its throat, suffocating. Your sharp sensibility skills perceived the pain, the sadness, the fear that hung in the air like a portrait on a wall, impossible to ignore.

“We arrived,” the Lord of Choices announced.

You jumped out of the truck after Mark. The sky was gray and red, its colors mixed with the extension of the open field, smoke and dust contrasting with the artillery fire. Soldiers, men and women alike, slept and ate at a tent nearby, all wore in camouflage. You outlined the trenches and barriers ahead, as well as a line of covered bodies that had to be evacuated.

Your stomach stilled. You felt like a knot was being tightly tied in your guts.

It came to your knowledge that the Lord of Choices was speaking to you. “Come to the infirmary. Your work is immediately needed.”

You followed obediently. The infirmary was improvised in what seemed like a warehouse, with many hammocks distributed in the length of the room, where people grunted and cried, their sobs echoing through the walls.

You had brought healing potions, as well as candles to evoke the power of your saints. Much to your luck, the infirmary was equipped with many herbs, more than you have seen your entire life. It made you feel confident that you were going to give your best and save as many souls as you could.

But as you first came to lock eyes with a man whose leg was cut off… When he held your hand so tight it could have been broken, begging for the Lord of Life to give him more time… When his aching eyes lost their shine, you sobbed, desperately wishing to go back to the mortal realm.

-

Jaehyun came for you every day, for an entire month, but you never opened the door. Whenever he knocked on the door, your body shock circuited, your pride burned in deadly flames, and you locked yourself in your room, only daring to come out once he was long gone.

Every day, Jaehyun left small things on the kitchen table. Sometimes, it was a white lily. Other times, it was a peach, a firebird feather, a wild flower from the immortal realm.

You never touched his presents. You didn’t even allow yourself to stare at them for too long.

Sometimes, you could listen to his voice in the kitchen, as he freely spoke with Baba Yaga. Deep velvet dripping from his tongue, crowning the world with the grace of his tone. You boiled with how violently your body desired to come out and join the conversation. Deep inside, all you wanted was to tell Baba Yaga to go for a walk and stay alone with Jaehyun in the humble apartment, so different from his manor, to face him properly, looking into those dark eyes, demanding that he begged for your forgiveness. But you were not only a coward, but thrived on the thought of revenge. Let him suffer. Why not? Whenever you thought about opening the door and letting him see you, talk to you, touch you, you remembered the woman that was sent to this world two years ago, still in her wedding dress, desperately crying, punching and kicking the door and the walls, screaming for Jaehyun to come take her back.

You remembered her sorrow, her despair, her loss, her desolation. And because you still carried that woman inside you, you decided to continue locked.

Unconsciously, you confined yourself.

Jaehyun was too respectful to force you to come out. He knew you well enough to tell any attempt to drag you to the kitchen would infuriate you. Plus, Baba Yaga had already updated him on your tantrums, the uncontrolled outbursts of extreme frustration and helplessness that took over you.

“So many women you could choose, and you decided you wanted the most stubborn one,” she grunted lowly.

Jaehyun almost smiled. “A rose without a thorn is not a true rose. We both know that,” he concluded calmly. “I am aware that I caused her too much pain. I can imagine her suffering.”

“I’m afraid that’s a lie,” Baba Yaga retorted. “You’re a Lord, Jaehyun. Someone with power beyond reason, the visceral combination of everything that exists: the excess and the lack, creation and destruction, father and son. Nonetheless, you’re still a man. You had never been in a woman’s shoes. You might think you know women well enough, but that would be the first time you’re mistaken.”

She leaned over towards his face as they sat at the kitchen, having some tea. Her warm breath got to his face when she spoke. It smelled like the past.

“You have never witnessed such suffering. War and starvation, disaster and death, treachery and deceit. Only a fool would say you’re not an expert on those things. But suffering as a woman is an entire different thing. It takes your breath away, plays with your silliness, and makes you feel inferior, forever imprinted with the mark of mediocrity and weakness. That suffering laughs at your face. I know you suffered too, my boy, but you were the one to make a choice. Your wife didn’t have that privilege. You turned her biggest fear into reality. To save her, I know. We all do. Still, she suffered. And to get her back, you’ll suffer twice as much.”

-

You had no rest. There was always way too much work to be done, so you hardly gave yourself the chance to fall asleep. Mark and you did a really good job together, though. He was taught a different kind of magic, but one that worked just as fine. You took shifts sometimes, covering each other when you needed a few minutes to eat and breathe.

It was Mark’s company that made those first days tolerable, as well as those you managed to save and heal. People in the immortal realm were built differently from humans, even if they, too, had a human appearance: their constitution was almost entirely soul, and the rest was body. When healing them, you dealt with their soul: by healing their essence, the small part that represented the matter recovered as well. Some of them, on the other hand… Some of them were too far into the darkness to have their souls saved.

“Sometimes I think this is a metaphor,” Mark admitted one day, with a painfully sleepy voice. “Only the death of the soul matters.”

“Go to sleep, Mark,” you instructed, putting a wet cloth on his forehead.

Oftenly, you and Mark listened to the noises in the battlefield, meaning a battle was taking place. The Death shadows stood away from the infirmary, but you could always tell when they were there: like sadness was closer, its lips whispering dangerous, hopeless words into your ear.

After one of those occasions, the Lord of Choices came back. “We suffered a severe attack. Many of the soldiers need your assistance, but can’t be moved. You ought to go to the battlefield.”

Your legs hurt all the way, but you resisted even when your lungs were filled with the aroma of death. Mark was right by your side — even if you had not known each other for long, he was already a dear friend to you, someone that gave you strength as you stepped into the open, deadly field, rushing to tend to those whose chest moved even the slightest bit, signaling that they were merely alive.

For the very first time, you didn’t feel the sobs climbing up your throat, because you simply had no time to surrender to the minimum sign of weakness.

War was a restless, wicked and cruel thing. Like an emptiness in the world, like a soul sucked out of one’s body never to return. Like someone that forgets how to laugh. Even time was uncertain, as the thickness of the dark sky almost didn’t shift when the sun rose. All that existed was the nonstop exercise to jump from soldier to soldier, stitching their wounds, removing body parts that were too damaged to be saved, and paying respects as you closed the eyes of the soulless.

Nine hours passed after you and Mark arrived when you two had the chance to climb up a timid hill to rest before going back to the infirmary. Mark offered himself to grab some water for you to drink on your way back. You stood back, watching the heavy sky.

Your mind was in a state foreign to you, one that played with the limits of tiredness and doubt. You often thought about going back to the mortal realm, swallowing guilty at the influence of your selfishness, but only a liar would say the battlefields and the work at the infirmary was never to be questioned. Still, as hard as it was, you held onto the expectations of your childhood with tooth and nail. “That’s a job for a priestess. A very good one,” you sighed, resting your back against the dirty grass.

As you stared into the tragic shades of the sky, your line of thinking wandered through the heavy clouds with possibilities of peace. As a child, you had witnessed a war that lasted five years, You remember how unfair you judged life to be back then. How it revolted you. As time went by, you seemed to get to the conclusion that the world was like that, and there was nothing you could possibly do to change it. Your role would be forever a healer’s. But now, as your exhaustion mixed with consciousness, you really wondered if the world had to be the way it was.

What if you could change it? What if you could make your voice heard, provoking the Lords and Ladies to change their minds? To actually embrace the idea of a different way of living, where men experienced less violence, where women were happy and not raped, where children had more smiles than sorrow?

Your right ear captured the sound of heavy boots standing close to you, and you got up completely startled, scared that a shadow was after you.

It was not a shadow. It was a man one head taller than you, whose composure immediately turned him in as someone of power. His brown eyes reflected brighter under the white thundering of the sky, and thick eyebrows gifted his face with the privilege of a deep expression. His hair was as dark as the clothing we wore: a velvet suit so rich in details he looked like a noble. A strand of hair fell like a comma onto his small and pale forehead. Even if he was human, he reminded you of a lonely hunting wolf.

“You scared me, sir,” you placed one hand to your chest. The tip of your fingers told you exactly how dirty you and your clothes were after those exhausting hours. Two oily strands of hair fell in front of your face, too rebellious to stay kept in your ponytail.

“I apologize,” the man leaned forward for a moment, respectfully. “I assume you’re one of the new priestesses?”

“Yes. I arrived last week.”

His eyes carefully examined you, his plump lips pressed to each other. There was something in those irises, a mystery hidden in the confines of time and space. “What’s your name?”

“Y/N. What is yours?”

“They call me Koschei, but I only tell my real name to those who are dear to me.”

You nearly choked on your own tongue, as your mouth was too dry to have saliva in it. “My Lord,” you grabbed the skirt of your dress to kneel, but he stopped you with a single move of his hand.

“That’s not necessary. If anyone should bend, it is me, as you might have given up many things to come here and save my army.”

His words surprised you as much as his face. Koschei was young in appearance, gentle voiced, and seemed like he was considerate. He was nothing like some books defined: a tall, thin, old man with a long beard and livid eyes, covered by a black cape, a creature so worn out by time and circumstance that he didn’t ever resemble the life he carried in his title.

“How many people have we lost today?” he then inquired.

“Around a hundred.”

You had the impression that the number physically hurt him, as Koschei hissed lowly. “I wish it didn’t have to be this way,” it was what he said, looking down at his hand. An open wound was closing, deathless. “But we had to let them get very close. It was the only way to get some advantage.”

“Do you think you’ll defeat the Lord of Death one more time?”

Koschei lifted his gaze to meet yours. “I don’t wish to defeat him. I only wish to end the war.”

Your eyebrows clenched. “By defeating Death, wouldn’t you end the war for all?” You fought not to call him lord again. “Wouldn’t it be better for people if you and Death stopped fighting?”

Your question nearly had him smiling at the corner of his lips. “Life without death would be unbearable. Things need to die, Y/N, so others can be born. I created Death before creating anything else. Even before Time. Yuta is my oldest brother. He is also my oldest enemy. Life and Death will never stop fighting.”

Yuta. The Lord of Death had a real name.

“Then, the mortal and immortal realms will always be fighting too,” you stated.

“Indeed. Think about a baby. It starts its way to death as soon as it is born.”

You breathed deeply, trying to make your next question as polite as you could. “Isn’t it unfair that people are destined to always be at conflict? Don’t you think it would be better for everyone if they could just have some peace?”

Koschei the Deathless scanned your eyes with admiration — so beautiful, alive and pure, he thought — and shook his head shortly.

“In loneliness, we act in the name of love. In war, we act in the name of survival. I love my brother dearly, so I can’t kill him. And he can’t kill me, because no one can,” he replied firmly. “Plus, I am not to blame alone. I created the mortal realm, and the human souls that thrive there. Your books only tell how the Lords influence human life, but never how you mortals influence us.” His eyes didn’t leave yours. “Humans start wars. They kill, deceive and make mischievous plans to conquer power and prestige, no matter how many have to perish for them to succeed.”

Koschei took one step closer. You merely registered the red lightning that cut the sky like the blade of a knife behind his back.

“But they also love and aid,” he continued. “They have passions, and a wild, fertile imagination. Art, music, food, traditions, religions, family, sex, redemption… Humans are so beautifully alive. As a loving father, I can only fight for them.”

“You’re the Lord that created everything. You could as well create a Lord or Lady of Peace,” you retorted, fighting not to stumble in front of his grandiosity. “Isn’t the pain enough reason to spare the ones you love?”

His eyes allured you like flames. “Pain and death are part of life too, priestess.”

The closer he got, the more you felt blood rushing in your veins, your heart so fast as though it had a race to win. Your body screamed that it was alive, that it wanted to seize eternity with possibilities, love, happiness and euphoria.

That was Koschei’s first effect on you.

“But you only know pain,” you boldly stated, determined to offer him a new point of view. “Even if you do witness the death of others, as I did here everyday since I arrived, you don’t know your own.”

The Lord of Life was so close by now that his shadow circled you like the wings of an angel.

“You do wish to change the world, don’t you?” he inquired.

“I am not opposed to contradictions, but I do believe a loving father would do anything to keep his children safe and happy,” you replied, holding the intensity of his gaze. “Happiness is as important to Life as Death.”

Koschei allowed your opinion to sink in. After a few seconds, that seemed to last longer, he offered you a gentle smile. “Join me for dinner, miss. I’ll be more than content to take a deeper dive into your thoughts.”

-

The failed visits Jaehyun paid to your apartment kept going for a few more days until Baba Yaga came to knock on your room’s door.

“Tell him I am not coming out,” you warned.

“It is not your husband who came this time,” she announced.

You lifted your chin from the bed.

“Who is it, then? One of his servants?”

Your heart ached at that. What had happened to Vasilisa remained a mystery to you. You could only guess she’d been buried with the rest of the wedding’s victims.

“Not one of his servants, definitely. Why don’t you come out and see?” It was Baba Yaga’s reply before her steps distanced from the door.

Driven by curiosity, you complied. It rained outside, the droplets making a calm melody at the ceiling, muffling the volume of your breath when you opened the door. One turn right at the end of the hall, and you were face to face with a thin man in red clothes, his heavy boots wet with rain, his eyes like blood.

The Lord of Death.

“What a nerve you have coming here after ruining my wedding,” you calmly observed. Even if you were in front of Koschei’s fatal enemy, the person who was guilty of slaughtering Vasilisa, you knew the rules of the world well enough to act otherwise. Yuta was dangerous, like a tiger to a rabbit. Killing was in his nature. Nothing you said and did was going to change that.

Yuta bent softly to you, causing the attentive Baba Yaga to snort.

“I wish I could apologize, m’Lady, but one can only be what faith reserved. I agree your wedding perhaps wasn’t the best choice, but I love a little family drama.”

“I almost didn’t notice,” you breathed, eyeing him carefully. “What do you want?”

“As you might have noticed, I lost the war. Your husband came out victorious, and some of our brothers and sisters gathered to put me on trial. I came to personally invite you to be one of the witnesses.”

“A witness against your war crimes?” you clenched an eyebrow.

“A witness against my crimes on your wedding,” Yuta specified. “Koschei sued me. Not for my war crimes — he knows I would never be punished for that. He sued me for ruining your ceremony, and what followed.”

Oh, you could so clearly see it. How mad Jaehyun had gotten, exactly? What was the size of his fury to be once again involved in war strategies, and not in a bed you kept warm, lustful, never ending?

A war he could forgive. But what happened at your wedding was a different story.

Your eyes nearly softened at the news, but you were quick to clear your throat and recompose yourself. “When?”

“Tomorrow.”

“And I suppose you’ll be taking me back to the immortal realm?”

Yuta’s eyes sparkled, cunning. “I would love to, m’Lady, but Koschei would never allow that. The old witch can help you with that.”

You turned to Baba Yaga with the speed of sunlight, your eyes tight and your tone accusing. “You could have taken me back! All this time!”

“Not a fight worth buying against your husband,” she simply replied. “Koschei’s trust is too dear to me to lose it.”

You hated it. How much power Jaehyun had. How everyone adored him. How little girls prayed to him and thanked him for his kindness. How he had left your wedding ring at the table the previous day: the same wedding ring you threw at the river, one year ago, in a tantrum so strong you got a fever and Baba Yaga made you soup for a whole week.

If you really intended on never seeing Jaehyun again, you would have turned to Yuta and declined. But your heart was bleeding to have justice made, and your poor emotional state considered that Jaehyun deserved the revenge of seeing the version of you that hated him. He deserved to suffer too, didn’t he?

You turned your face to the Lord of Death.

“I’ll be there.”

-

“If you can take me to the immortal realm, then you’re a Lady,” you risked as Baba Yaga made you jump inside a small carriage, one that already felt inadequate compared to the first few cars that ran the city’s streets.

“Lady of Nunnery,” she replied ironically.

“Don’t be so mean, granny,” you cooed, arranging your light blue gown that you so carefully chose for the trial, one with long sleeves and a tight skirt. “Aren’t you happy that you might return to your own life and catch up on whatever else you wish to do, instead of watching me?”

“I’m too old and wise to allow myself to have hope,” Baba Yaga concluded. With a small, mostly inaudible hiss of her lips, she commanded the two black horses to ride, and with that the carriage began to move.

The trip to the immortal realm was as smooth as the first time. In the blink of an eye, the pavement the sun shone brighter, music filled the air, and the food barracks set an abundant diversity of colors and smells, so much your mouth watered. Everything tasted better in the immortal realm.

Now that you were back, you realized how badly you had missed it. It felt like being home after the longest of journeys. Like coming back to the arms of a mother. You were too drawn in your thoughts to speak for the rest of the trip as the carriage took you to the Palace of Justice. You had only been there once, to accompany Koschei in the judgment of a failed attempt of robbery in Buyan, when a very talented robber tried breaking in to search for his death.

It was a marvelous construction, as palaces are. Everything was clean and immaculate, the marble on the walls, the tall windows and the solemn ambience of silence and wisdom. You and Baba Yaga handed the carriage to a young girl and walked inside calmly. She limped on one foot, so you kept yourself close to her, even if the old witch wouldn’t ever ask for help.

“You know what to do, right?” she spoke.

“Be honest and merciless,” you mocked.

“Be clever, girl. You have cried for this day to come, to be reunited with Koschei, and have some peace. Enjoy it now that you have the chance.”

You took a closer look at the surroundings, at the spotless carpet, the vivid and dramatic paintings, the employees… The life you wish you could have right there. “I don’t think it is that simple, granny,” you replied, as you came to face a tall door that was opened for both of you.

The courtroom was wide as everything in the immortal realm. That land belonged to Koschei, meaning it was a full expression of everything life could be: the chairs gracefully decorated with silver flowers, the ceiling made of glass in a garden of multiple colors, the judge bench imponent and high, where the gorgeous Lady of Justice sat. She looked like an angel, tall and firm, her white gown contrasting with the holy blackness of her skin.

As you walked in, familiar faces turned to look at you. You caught how Ten the Lord of Beauty offered you a friendly smile, and how Taeyong the Lord of Word tilted his head in respect. John the Knight was there too, with the same apologetic look he gave you the last time you met, as you ordained he brought you back. They were at your wedding, as well as other Lords and Ladies that had already found their seats. The Lord of Death was there too, clad in his deep red clothes and cunning gaze. Jaehyun had not arrived yet.

You and Baba Yaga made your way to the first row of seats, in front of the Lady of Justice. It instantly came to your mind how it was said that the Lord of Beauty was entirely enamored with her, and with one look you knew it was true. Ten had always been smitten for beautiful things, and the Lady of Justice was easily one of the most dazzling creatures you had ever put your eyes on. As Justice itself, she was severe and rigid, but also welcoming, strong, and undeniable.

Each person that walked inside the courtroom had your heart throbbing in your chest. Unconsciously, you waited for Jaehyun to arrive, and your body knew it, making you wish to pick at your nails, bounce your feet to the floor and look at your back, searching for him. Your body never failed to betray you. Both you and Jaehyun knew it well. The moment you felt your heart racing, your veins blooming, your head spinning with the force of a tornado, you knew he had arrived.

His effects on you never failed.

Your head started a war with your heart, as you forced yourself not to look over your shoulder. You sensed your husband approaching you with every step, until his silhouette stood right in front of your eyes. Without further choices, you lifted your gaze to meet his.

How absolutely cruel life was to you, giving you such a handsome, perfect man, and making him so irresistible your heart weighed twice in your chest, nearly pulling you to stay on your knees and kiss his hands, his thighs, beg for him to let you in, to invade you, to love and fuck you, to utterly and gutturally ravish you, to take you home and make you his wife again and again.

But you refrained. You refrained even though your eyes tried their hardest to delight him with your weakness.

“Y/N, my wife,” Jaehyun said, his voice almost like a plea, eyes frankly in love, wanting and admiring.

“I can hardly be called that, Koschei.”

“Jaehyun,” he interfered, eyes tightened, as though you calling him Koschei physically stung. “That’s how I told you to call me.”

“Take your seat. Trial is about to start,” you calmly enunciated.

His austere reaction was successful in hiding precisely how much pain you brought him with your coldness, but you both knew two things: you loved Jaehyun, and Jaehyun loved you.

You were expecting he would find a seat somewhere else, but much to your surprise, the Lord of Life locked a meaningful gaze with Baba Yaga.

“An old lady has got no peace in this fucking world,” she complained, getting up for Koschei to sit down by your side.

You quickly grabbed her wrist. “Don’t go, gran-”

“Shut up, child. I don’t take orders from you,” she hissed like a fox, slipping from your touch and stonily finding herself another seat at the third row.

Jaehyun, then, sat by your side. Those excruciatingly dear amburana notes filled your lungs, and you had to clench your thighs to keep still. Thankfully, the Lady of Justice spoke next, opening the session.

“You haven’t replied to my letters,” Jaehyun murmured.

“You haven’t kept your vows,” you returned just as lowly. “You confined me.”

“For your own fucking good. Did you wish to be killed?”

“I wished to be with you.”

“It was too dangerous here. I thankfully had time to rebuild the city before you arrived, to spare you the chaos.”

So the city, the place he always did his best to keep safe, was attacked.

“You didn’t have to do that all by yourself.”

“I wouldn’t risk losing you, Y/N,” he looked over at you, discreetly at the corner of his eye. “You’re too loved by me.”

Everytime his mouth spoke of love, you shuddered.

“Yuta wouldn’t dare kill me,” you risked. Only a guess.

“You know nothing about Lords and Ladies,” Jaehyun nearly rubbed his face in frustration. “Yuta doesn’t have a trustworthy sense of morals, Y/N. If he had the chance to take your death with him, he would.”

“Wouldn’t you be capable of rescuing me?” Your question let him know that, time after time, as you had been away in the mortal realm, you had thought about the possibilities over and over. “To breathe life into me after I was gone?”

“For that, you’d have to be born again.”

“So be it.”

You immediately noticed how his hand, placed on his thigh, clenched into a fist.

“You think too little of my love for you,” Jaehyun growled. “If you were born again, you wouldn’t be as you are now. And as you are now is how I want you. Every day and every night. I can’t tolerate a world emptied of you, Y/N… I hav-”

“Koschei, the Lord of Life, will contribute as our first witness,” the Lady of Justice announced in a voice two volumes louder, breaking your conversation. Jaehyun smoothly got up, looking over at you dearly before he moved over to the front of the judge's bench.

“Can you tell us what happened that night?” the Lady of Justice asked.

“It was the night of my wedding. As you all know, I had never been married before, but fell in love with a priestess. She’s right there,” he pointed at you with pride in his eyes, and even a smile to his lips, making you want to shrink until you disappeared. He was so in love. Fuck, he still was so in love… “We had just won the war against Death, but Death then decided to strike back that same night, causing sixty of our guests to find a violent end on our dinner table. I had to send my wife to the mortal realm, for her own sake, and since that day we didn’t get to properly live as husband and wife. That’s why I sued Death. If he had had the decency of waiting, then perhaps my first wedding days would have been happier.”

You looked over at Yuta, and how his face was soft and calm, relaxed even, with a mocking grin to his lips, and you couldn’t help but feel the trial regarded the wrong subject. Yes, he should be addressed for what he did to your wedding. But shouldn’t he be addressed for way more crimes than that?

Without further thinking, you stood up. “Permission to speak, my Lady,” your voice politely asked.

The Lady of Justice complied with a nod.

“Permission granted, priestess. Please, come closer.”

You obeyed, readily standing by Jaehyun’s side. “I do believe the Lord of Death did us wrong by ruining our wedding, and as Koschei told you, I did suffer a lot, being sent to the mortal realm. I have belonged here since I first stepped into this realm, to aid during the war. Death’s revenge on my wedding will perhaps be something I will never entirely get over, but…” your eyes tightened a little, “but I believe we are addressing the wrong thing. My suffering was not individual. Many suffered from the effects of the war. Families were taken apart, destroyed, many kids never had the chance to grow up. My dear friend Vasilisa was murdered in front of my own eyes,” at that, you looked over at Yuta. “Life was assaulted and humiliated in several ways, and it would be selfish of me to stand here to defend myself against a single tragedy when so many lost their lives and hopes. Their souls.”

The entire room looked at you amusedly.

“So what you mean is that this trial should be against war itself?” the Lady of Justice asked to clarify.

“I’m not sure a trial is going to entirely solve the issue,” you replied calmly. “I suggest that, instead, we discuss peace.”

You caught the way Jaehyun looked at you. How enamored he was. How he could have put you on a pedestal.

“Peace?” Ten the Lord of Beauty tasted the word in his tongue.

“Peace is at a state of mind, at its best,” Taeyong the Lord of Words hummed. His pure and big eyes stared into the air as if he was reading the word over and over.

“It could be a state of reality too,” you added. “Peace and war are opposites: as death exists to balance life, peace should exist to balance war. There’s where Koschei comes in,” you presented your idea smoothly. It wasn’t the first time you discussed such matters with Jaehyun. When he first invited you over to dinner, you had mentioned the idea. “As Lord of Life he can create someone to manage peace as he did to each of you.”

You and Jaehyun eyed each other. You couldn’t tell if he was more proud or challenged: he had never agreed on creating peace in the first place, but if you could bargain with him, that was your request.

“I think it is fair,” Justice agreed. “But it is my job to make sure we reach the final goal of this trial. Koschei, do you wish to continue with it?”

Jaehyun slowly averted his eyes from you to her. “Let’s do as my wife says,” he decided. “But I have a condition for the trial on Death to be canceled.”

“We are all ears, Life,” Yuta cooed.

“Let me rescue Vasilisa from the realms of Death and make her be born again,” Jaehyun breathed. “And Mark too.”

-

You could say you and Koschei were getting closer. After the first dinner in the manor, where he carefully listened to your ideas — to your surprise, without ever mocking you or lowering your reasoning —, it was frequent that the Lord of Life searched for you. Once together, you never stopped talking about diverse subjects. Sometimes, you even had the impression he consciously wanted your point of view and advice, like he treasured your way of thinking, so rich in complexity and imagination.

“It’s like the first day of spring,” Koschei explained while you took a walk at the manor’s garden a few weeks after your first encounter. War continued, but the battlefields were calmer: Death had a lot of work to do with a new local disease that was taking many lives away in the mortal realm. Even Mark had a moment to travel to Buyan and meet Vasilisa. “Not spring itself, but the first day, when the weather is warmer and the flowers stretch, blossoming…”

“What?” you asked with interest.

“Talking to you.”

Your cheeks burned. “Oh, we humans just have smart ideas,” you humbled, unaware that you were reducing yourself because of your shyness. “The majority of us are very smart. We even have artists such as Frida Kahlo and Remedios Varo. Are you familiar with them?”

“I know everything my kids do, miss,” Koschei chuckled.

“So…” you bit your cheek,“did you know me before I arrived?”

“Not like that,” he admitted, his expression going slightly serious as he stopped to admire the white roses. Big and with rich, thick perfume. “I personally made the first men and women, and let them be, so I didn’t have the time to catch up on them individually, but I know what goes on. Humans are free to make their choices and populate the mortal realm, mate with whoever they want to. I’d say the Lady of Desire plays a huge role in that.”

“Never heard of her. What is she like?” you tilted your head, focusing on the big lilies that smelled like heaven. Life really flourished differently in Koschei’s land.

“Entirely convincing. Dangerous, even. Once in her presence, your head is easily messed up with,” his voice was like a song as you slipped down the garden, unable that, everywhere you went on the obsidian pathway, Koschei followed, attracted to your natural scent like a bee to a flower.

“She might be very alluring,” you commented. “I sometimes wonder if desire could be a law.”

“How so?”

“One could only have another if there was any desire,” you clarified. “It would certainly avoid women from getting raped.”

Koschei stopped in awe. “You can’t help but care about others, can you?”

“As you should,” your tone was light, but sincere. “Thinking the world is the way it is leaves no imagination for creation and improvement. I was kind of disappointed to know you’re a bit selfish.”

He swallowed. “Selfish?”

“Yes. You know, children pray for you. And still they mourn their families in war. The idea of an omnipresent, benevolent Lord isn’t exactly real.”

“That’s a version humans created of me. To have hope, perhaps. It is like saying that every woman was born to be a tender mother,” Koschei reasoned, and when he passed you by, his side brushed yours, leaving soft goosebumps under the fabric of your dress.

He smelled like the loveliest amburana tree.

“I am not immune to desire,” he continued, holding your gaze as though it was needed in such an exposure. “I can’t ignore the wishes of my heart, and by nature I am cruel, demanding, and utterly unforgiving. But I can also be gentle, loving, and nurturing. Just like life is, sometimes.”

If you said you were not attracted by the contradiction he held at the tip of his tongue, and at every fiber of his being, you would be shamelessly lying.

You stopped underneath a gazebo, near a black water fountain, where water was continuously spilled from the mouth of a hound. Symbolic. “Is it true that you had many lovers?” you felt bold in asking.

Koschei picked a deep red apple from the nearest tree, supporting his weight on the gazebo before replying. “I was a lover countless times,” he removed a knife from the pocket of his suit — the blade had delicate decorated eggs imprinted on it — and cut a slice out of the fruit. “And I have loved too, more than anyone.”

“Did you really steal girls from villages to make them yours?”

“That sounds like rape to me.”

“Did you?” you insisted.

“No,” Koschei handed you the apple slice. You easily accepted it. “I didn’t have to.”

With all his looks and conversation skills, you trusted he was speaking the truth. You bit down on the apple, enjoying the sugar on your tongue.

“By the way, the boys searched for me as well. And I loved them all,” Koschei added, and at that you chuckled, placing your hand on your lips. You still had food in your mouth.

Smoothly, Koschei grabbed your fist and put it down. “Don’t hide your smile,” he hummed with such chivalry and admiration you went silent, your pupils widening. “It is one of the most beautiful things in you.”

Sometimes, in the deepest secrets of the night, you wondered if Koschei the Deathless meant the way he looked at you. Could he really be interested in what you had to offer? Your ideas, your mind, your beauty? You liked yourself quite right, and saw yourself as pretty in your own way.

Lately, with the way Koschei gazed at you, so tenderly, so happy even, when you caught him looking, well… It felt like he was attracted to you.

Now he was just admitting that he found your smile to be beautiful.

Automatically, you looked away, unsure. Understanding, Koschei removed his hand and returned to cutting a slice for himself. “What about you, miss? Did you have many lovers?”

“A few,” you hummed, staring at the effortless moves of his hands. “I had a school sweetheart, but we didn’t last. After him, it was all fun.” You considered whether you shared extra information. “By the way, I have loved girls too.”

At your reveal, Koschei nearly cut his thumb.

As if to save you from further embarrassment, one of Koschei’s servants approached you, bending to him in respect before speaking. “My Lord, I’ve got news from the city.”

“Go ahead.”

“One of our priests was murdered by shadows. His girlfriend came all the way from the City to report the crime herself.”

That was how you lost Mark. That was how you met Vasilisa.

-

“Vasilisa and Mark will be born again,” Baba Yaga concluded after the trial was over, as you waited for the carriage. “Take them as apprentices. Teach them your magic.”

“For that to happen, I will have to stay in the immortal realm.”

“Wasn’t that your plan all along? Or do you wish to return?”

“Well, granny, we are waiting for the carriage to take us back.”

The old witch frowned. “I have never said that I was going to take you back! Papa Koschei’s orders were to bring you here. The carriage will take me back to my realm. You go back to Buyan, where you belong.”

You couldn’t say you were surprised, but the slightest stubborn hope of your heart wished you could punish Koschei for longer.

The boy came with the carriage and Baba Yaga was so eager to leave she nearly kicked him away.

“Cruel woman,” you teased.

“After spending so much time with you? Absolutely!” She jumped in, her hand on the door. “Be safe, child.”

And with that, Baba Yaga left. The last thing you registered was how the yellow and brown leaves danced with the cold wind as the night approached and her carriage disappeared into the blooming horizon.

“She is the Lady of Luck,” Koschei’s voice right behind your back startled you, making your shoulders jump. “I’m sorry, love. Didn’t intend on scaring you.”

“Don’t call me that,” you growled.

Noticing the goosebumps on your skin, Koschei immediately removed his coat and landed it on your shoulders. You felt instantly warmer. “What else is a poor husband to call his wife? No matter how hard I had it, my vows were made. You’re mine as much as I am yours.”

“You already know my opinion on the effectiveness of your vows.”

“Not even you kept them fully,” his tone wasn’t accusing, but it made you frown, offended. “You promised to let your weapons down for me.”

“I did!”

“Not freely.”

“You forced me, Koschei.”

“And you’re mad about it. I understand it,” he searched for your hand, and this time you couldn’t pull away. His slender fingers had always felt magical on yours: long digits compared to tiny ones. Jaehyun placed your hand on his chest, right where his deathless heart beat. “All I ask is for you to let me be who I wanted to, two years ago. Give me the chance to be your loving, faithful husband, and I’ll make it up to you. Every little punch on the wall, every scream of my name… I’ll make up to you, wife.”

You were still angry, fuming, and hurt. But as life’s contradictions itself, you were eager, desperate to love, and ready to make the Lord of Life fall to his knees in front of you, begging, crying, sobbing.

“Take me to Buyan.”

-

The loss of a close friend felt like a knife transpassing your heart. Not only you got deeply affected by the news, but surrendered to the strongest fever you ever had, so devastating Koschei insisted you were taken to Buyan, where he could keep a close eye on you.

You insisted Vasilisa joined you: the sweet girl was already like a little sister, so loyal she stood by your side all the time you were treated in the luxurious manor Koschei the Deathless resided in.

At least, you had someone to mourn with.

The doctors said the fever was closely related to the state of your soul: in the immortal realm, your soul commanded, and your body obeyed. You were so sad and broken at the loss of Mark, so young, lively and willing, that your body simply couldn’t take it.

Koschei constantly came to visit, sometimes staying by your bed when Vasilisa needed to rest or to tend to her own pain.

Three weeks after Mark’s passing, Life and Death came to an agreement and the war was over. You were already fully recovered, but still mourning, when the news came in like the sun at the beginning of a fresh morning. With it, you considered your options.

Going back to the mortal realm was your original plan. But did it make any sense? What awaited you on the other side? Your job as a priestess would certainly help people, but it wasn’t like you were going to be useless in the immortal realm. Souls there were way more sensitive, and perhaps the healing touch of your hand would bring them some comfort.

In the immortal realms, at least, you had Vasilisa.

And Koschei.

You couldn’t deny your heart had grown affectionate towards him. The Lord of Life was thrilling, alluring and simple, as a man should be. He listened carefully to your thoughts and took you seriously. He protected you. He shared the wonderfulness of his mind and creations, and you liked that, more and more, he took your opinions into consideration before making a move.

If love ever bloomed in you, then you wished it was for and with someone like him.

Obviously, your limited human brain went skeptical: Koschei, the Lord of Life, didn’t need you. With the end of the war, he would return to his own interests, and you were going to be dismissed, to carry on with your own matters too.

You grabbed your old, crumbly suitcase, and started putting your few belongings inside.

“Are you really making a decision before talking to him?” Vasilisa crossed her arms, her gaze piercing as she stood by the doorframe of your temporary room. You understood why Mark fell in love with her. She was one of a brave kind.

Koschei was going to know. But, you were sure, nothing would change. “I’ll talk to him at dinner.”

When night fell, you took your last chance to wander through the manor. It was twice as luxurious as the one described in school books, filled with colorful windows, flowers, paintings, plants, stairs, libraries, and secret rooms. Koschei lived there by himself, with a dozen servants that kept the place neat. You couldn’t help but imagine how lonely it must have been for him, living in such a huge place, without a family or a pet. Perhaps you could write him letters, to help him pass the time, now that peace was made.

You took your time admiring the paintings on the walls and facing the loving garden through the windows as the sky got darker with each second. Birds sang the softest melody; tree tops swayed with the warm wind coming from the South.

You were going to miss that place. But you have made your decision.

You wore a plain soft pink dress that squeezed your waist just right. You weren’t used to how expensive you looked in silk, but the options in the manor were just as elegant. Vasilisa insisted you wore a pair of garnet gem earrings, which made you feel the closest to a princess, but still you.

Usually, you and Koschei had dinner at his particular office, where the cozy atmosphere suited your conversations. And, as always, when you lifted your hand to knock on the door, just right before you did it, he opened it for you.

But this time, Koschei didn’t hide how marvelous you looked. “Holy shit,” he whispered under his breath, eyes traveling from your face to your cleavage to your waist.

You heard how hard your heartbeat was in your own ears.

“I’m sorry,” Koschei nervously looked back into your eyes. “You look so insanely beautiful I couldn’t hold back.”

Even if with burning cheeks, you managed to laugh it off. “That's very human of you, Koschei.”

There was a simple meal for you two, a stew so delicious it reminded you of your granny, and wine to swallow it down. You took a sip before gathering courage to introduce the subject you had to discuss.

“What are your plans now that war is over?”

“Keeping things alive,” he replied shortly. “Making sure the population is multiplied. I already contacted Desire.”

“It’s time you create the Lady of Consent.”

“I already have, miss.”

“Really?” You merely could hide your surprise.

“Really. One day you’ll meet her.”

You were expecting him to ask what you would do, but the question didn’t come, so spoke. “I was expecting to return to the mortal realm now that my work here is done.”

Koschei put the fork down and stared into your eyes as if you were speaking another language. Slowly, you could see his face was hiding its own expression. He didn’t want to seem offended. “Why do you say that? Aren’t you happy here?”

“On the c-contrary, I am!” you stuttered, realizing his question made you think harder about what you truly wanted. “But I guessed that, with the end of the war, the recruits were going to be sent back to their homes.”

Koschei leaned back on the chair. His eyes were still on yours, analyzing what seemed to be a secret enigma. “Have I failed in showing my affection for you so badly that you think of yourself as an ordinary recruit?”

“I mean, I am...” Your gaze faltered until you, finally, stared down at your lap, embarrassed.

And then he said what you wished to hear: “I don’t want you to go back.” You looked back up. Such beautiful eyes he had. “I want you to stay, Y/N. Have been for a while now. I was going to ask you tonight.”

Your words escaped your mouth without a filter, and you sounded demanding, but also eager. “Then ask me.”

You almost gasped with how Koschei slowly stood up only to kneel in front of you, grabbing your anxious hands in his.

“Y/N, the time we spent together brought me much joy, and I believe I’ve made you happy too. It’d be a torture to watch you leave my realm, and twice a torture to watch you leave me,” he spoke every word out loud and honest. “I am not on my knees to beg only as Lord of Life. I am on my knees to beg as a man. Please, consider the possibility of staying.” Koschei brought your hand to his lips and planted a chaste kiss on your skin. The sincerity of his eyes reflected the flames on the fireplace. “Consider the possibility of being mine.”

He handed the power right into your hold, a decision for you to make.

You felt so wanted, so dear, so scandalously beautiful, and your heart for once relaxed, your blood warm on your veins, your lips itchy. “Koschei, I-“

“Call me Jaehyun. That’s my name.”

Your eyes sparkled.

Gently, your hand reached for his face, brushing his hair back before cupping his cheek. You didn’t say a word. All you did was lean over and press your lips to his.

-

The manor was very much like it had been committed to your memory, with the piercing difference that all the servants you once knew were dead.

The war, you started to notice, had been crueler than the previous. So many deaths, so many changes. Jaehyun himself had an older look on his face, even though a certain new joy was keeping it alight.

His eyes sparkled in content whenever he saw you at the manor, where you were expected since the day of your wedding. He had the servants prepare your favorite foods. Had gotten the most beautiful lilies to decorate your room — your, not his, not yours, as you insisted on sleeping alone. Even before your marriage, he had built you a temple at the manor, a broad and dark room with an altar for your saints, with all the materials you needed for your rituals and magic, and the temple was at your full disposal. You spent most of your time there, and quickly opened the temple to the public, so people could come in and be healed by your talented hands.

It brought you tremendous joy to help those souls, so much your days were filled with work. Which meant Jaehyun’s dinner invitations were politely refused. You kept a collected composure in front of him, even if it hurt as much as having a needle pushed inside your eyeball.

Deep inside, you were tremendously scared of your feelings. Both you and Jaehyun knew it.

The only further interaction you had was about how much progress he had with creating Peace. All the times you had asked, Jaehyun simply said he was working on it. Just like that, your conversations were over.

It was a rainy day outside when you started your day, making your prayers and opening the temple. Everything was made by your own hands, so no servants helped you around. Usually, a line was formed into the manor’s main hall, and you came to personally pick your patients and take them inside. That day, as thunder echoed in the sky, and violent rain hit the ceiling, you came to find out there was no one to attend.

“Oh, that’s sad,” you breathed, turning around to return to your refuge when you bumped into a very familiar chest.

The expression on Jaehyun’s face explained why the weather was so bad.

Eventually, when Koschei was not able to control his own emotions, the weather in Buyan could feel it. Sunny days meant a visceral happiness that made his face smiley; springy weather meant he was especially romantic, with his head on the clouds and his heart where his brain should be; and heavy rainy days meant he was frustrated and angry, sad and way too deep into his defense mechanism.

“Dear saints, you’re going to make it snow!” you brought your hand to your heart.

“You’re being mean to me. I am hurt,” Jaehyun admitted, his lower lip nearly jumping out in a pout. Cute.

“Not my problem,” you lifted your shoulders quickly, passing him by. Jaehyun started following you. “What are you doing?” you asked without turning around.

“I’m heading to my appointment.”

“I don’t think you are. I’m busy today.”

“Well, I am a soul too. I deserve healing,” Jaehyun retorted. “Even if my wife wishes to torture me forever in the name of revenge.”

His childish, spoiled tone almost made you laugh. You knew better than to make fun of him, though. Plus, you were not proud to make him suffer. You just preferred he got hurt than allowing yourself such pain again.

Sincerity was surely one of your biggest qualities. And a defect too, depending on the situation.

After a deep sigh, you agreed with a nod. “Fine.”

Jaehyun had not been in your temple since you started working there, simply because you really had been busy and because you didn’t give him the friendliest of looks whenever he came to check on you. So, when he first walked inside, his lovely jawline dropped a little.

Every priestess and priest had the freedom to decide what gods and saints they were going to worship. You had decorated your altar with their images and elements that somehow represented their power: two small and crossed wood hammers for Ṣàngó, a beautifully crafted bronze mirror for Ọ̀ṣun, a dark seashell for Yemọja and cowries for Èsù, the Lord of Discipline, Communication and Order. Candles burned for them all the time, as you closely committed to lighting up new ones when the old have blown out. Incense burned too, filling the air with the scent of black surinam cherries. Fresh flowers brightened up the dark altar with vivid colors. The atmosphere was dense but friendly, full of mystery between the cold stone walls.

There was a simple table with two chairs on each of its sides, reserved for the appointments. You signaled for Jaehyun to sit on one chair, taking the other in front of him.

“I think I’ve got a severe spiritual problem,” he announced, so dramatic it amused you.

You hummed in reply, lighting up a cinnamon incense with a lighter, moving it around Jaehyun’s sides before placing it in a set of small stones you kept on the table. Next, you grabbed the set of your favorite and most loyal gypsy cards. “I’ll check what the oracle tells me.”

Your hands worked on spreading fourteen cards so smoothly it felt as though you spent your entire life doing that.

Jaehyun observed quietly, noticing how your hand seemed empty without your wedding ring. He still wore his, not even taking it off when he slept.

You turned the cards around slowly, analyzing the entire context they were telling you. For the sake of suspense, it took a while for you to speak. “I don’t see anything spiritual. You’re probably too powerful for ghosts or any type of enemy to try something on you. But you do have a heartache.”

“How can I solve it?” His voice came out impatient.

You puckered your lips in thought. Everything related to Jaehyun’s heart involved his feelings for you, and there was no way to speak about it without taking the entire context in consideration. “I see you might be frustrated because you’re being denied. Perhaps you’re not used to disappointment, but,” you pointed at the book card, “it is the perfect opportunity to use your repertory and learn.”

Jaehyun crossed his arms. You pretended not to notice his biceps slightly bulking within his shirt. “I am trying, but the more you deny me, the more I find it difficult to deal with what we have become. I understand you’re upset, and I respect your opinion. You know I would have kept you by my side if I could. But I did what I thought best to keep you safe. I won the war. For you.”

You believed it: Jaehyun fighting battle after battle, motivated by the idea of going back to you… For that, your heart melted.

“I know, as much as I know your love for me is real. I hope you understand I still have true feelings for you just as I did back then,” you mustered all of your maturity to evoke those words. “But I need to get over how powerless you made me feel.”

“I thought there was no space in love for power,” Jaehyun frowned.

“You still had power over me, didn’t you?” your tone was a lot calmer now. That was not a confrontation, but simply a statement of how things went. “My main issue is that I could not choose. You interfered directly into my free will, and I will not tolerate that in marriage. If I am your wife, then let me have the same choices you do.”

His eyes analyzed you closely. “That would make you tremendously powerful.”

“I don’t seek to be powerful, I seek to be equal.”

Your gazes burned in orange flames, heated by how he just got what you meant. Jaehyun always did.

“What do the cards recommend I do?”

You placed your finger on the mountain card. “Your journey might be long and rough, but you have to push yourself towards your goal.”

“So I should continue to be unconditionally faithful to my wife. Let her aspire to all the things she desires. Learn how to deal with my frustration alone, as I make sure she can trust me,” he perfectly wrapped up.

“Those are my conditions,” you nodded.

Jaehyun extended his hand over to you. “Deal.”

Accepting his hand in yours came naturally, the feeling of his skin extremely familiar, the little shivers of your touch making you squeeze his hand a little tighter than needed.

“Can I ask for something in return?” he asked.

“You can.”

“Have dinner with me.”

“If we openly discuss how you’re making progress with my request on peace, I might.”

Jaehyun nearly chuckled. “Have dinner with me everyday.”

“Will you update me everyday?”

“I will.”

“Deal,” you smiled.

At the sight, Jaehyun brought one hand to his face, flustered as he rubbed his cheeks. “You still have the most beautiful smile.”

A ray of sunshine walked through the window right on your deck of cards. It wasn’t raining anymore.

-

Jaehyun’s hand eagerly slid from your breasts up to your neck as you lied down on his bed. Hungrily, his eyes fed from the gorgeous shape of your body, the innocent white lace bra you wore alluring him into his deepest fantasies.

“You have the most beautiful breasts,” he grunted. “So round and firm and beautiful…”

“You speak like it’s the first time you see them,” you teased, your cheeks and the tip of your nose warm from arousal.

Ever since you decided to stay, Jaehyun loved on you passionately almost every day. He never allowed anything to go missing. By now, after intense weeks of love making, you had grown accustomed to his dedication, and how your body resembled a volcano every time he touched you.

“Not my fault you are so scandalously sublime,” Jaehyun bit his lip before pushing your bra aside, exposing your nipples. He dove in, warm tongue drawing slow circles around each, eventually brushing and biting the hard peaks. When he lifted his face, the cold air left shivers on the wet evidence of where his mouth had been. He easily got rid of your bra, freeing your round, perky breasts, so deliciously voluptuous and busty his mouth salivated. “Have I told you how I made women?”

“Not yet.” You rested your head on the pillow, admiring his bare chest. The defined muscles on his shoulders, arms, and abdomen turned his bareness so attractive to you your toes curled whenever he was naked.

“I created a woman before I created a man,” Jaehyun revealed, moving to pull your skirts down your legs. He kissed the big scar on your right knee, the one you were graced with after falling from a tree when you were only a little girl. “I knew I had to make something unique, intense, intelligent and breathtaking. It was how I wanted life to be at first. Understanding but full of rage, resting but full of ideas, lovely but with the highest ability to deprivation.”

You engaged in his words, sitting down to hover over him. The tips of your fingers caressed his chest in random moves until your hand moved along his trousers, where the volume of his erection was evident. You were turned on too, your white panties transparent where your pussy lips damped with scented juices. “So you made them alluring,” you guessed.

“So fucking tempting,” Jaehyun’s eyes darkened as he watched you. “With a heart to love, tits to bear milk, a womb to carry children…” as he spoke, his hands traveled on said parts, exploring you fervently. “Hips and ass… Those I made for my personal delight,” he admitted, shamelessly enjoying how his hands roamed up and down your cheeks.

“No wonder…” teasing, you pulled his pants down, now rubbing your clothed core on his bare member.

Jaehyun snaked his arm on your waist and effortlessly turned you around. As he now hovered over you, the Lord of Life grabbed the side of your panties. “But my most favorite thing…” he continued, pulling the last piece of fabric down your legs. You were so wet your juices stuck to the bottom of your panties in a crystal string, “is right here.”

Your cunt was perfect. Big puffy lips that glistened with arousal surrounding a clit swollen in expectation. Folds so inviting his cock ached at the mere sight. Your lips also hid a tiny little hole that felt so right and tight around his cock, as though Jaehyun had personally made it to fit his proportions.

You registered the famine in his eyes. And it made you tremble.

“You did so good,” you praised him, brushing his black hair rewardingly. Every person had preferences that made them weak at the knees. Jaehyun, you figured, liked being praised. One of your hands slid down your body and separated your lips to help him have both a better access and view to your cunt.

At your every little action, Jaehyun fell harder for you.

“What did you intend by making this?” you fed the conversation with your curiosity, tip of your finger brushing your clit.

He responded by giving a broad and firm lick to your clit, making you moan in sweet pleasure. You were lucky enough to see how his tongue moved on you, his plump lips wrapping around your clit and sucking.

“Fuck” you cursed, back arching on the mattress where he had been fucking you out of your mind for the last three weeks.

Jaehyun smirked, slurping on your soaking folds. He took his time, alternating the long sucks with gentle licks, repeating them countless times until you were breathing fast, grabbing the sheets and getting flustered at the needy sound of your affected voice.

To him, you were perfect from head to toe. All the extension of your skin so soft and smooth, every mark and scar composing the excellence of your being. You even had the proportions he liked, curvy and fertile. By now, Jaehyun had had you in different positions that allowed him nearly pornographic sights, and he was crazy for each one of them. Now, especially, he liked how your face contorted in pleasure, and how your hand held on his nape as he devoured you.

“The most beautiful I’ve fucked.” His nose brushed your vulva, taking your scent in deep. The signs of your orgasm were pretty clear: your hands clenched into fists, your hole pulsating in vibrations, your ever sober eyes lusty, almost unable to focus…

He could easily make you cum like that, but Jaehyun decided he wanted to prolong the fun. He leaned over you, lips finding yours in a slow and sensual pace, shivering at the needy touch of your hands and nails on his back. You kissed back hungrily — a kiss broken by a wanton moan as you felt the tip of his cock rub your entrance.

“Say I can, my lady,” Jaehyun searched for consent.

You locked eyes with him, once more witnessing how the world resumed to only the both of you. “Jaehyun…” you breathed his name, just because you loved it. “Take me.”

The room was filled with a melodic combination of moans — yours, high and sensual; his, guttural and relieved — as your bodies became one. Your walls wrapped around him, suffocating his girth and clenching so sweetly Jaehyun saw stars at the back of his skull when his eyes closed shut for only a moment, because not to look at you would be the most unforgiving of sins. His hips rolled in a way he got deeper inside you, testing the waters not to hurt you, his most precious being. Your nails carved crescent moons on his shoulders, your mind blurred with desire, barely registering the devoted kisses Jaehyun planed on your shoulderblades as he started a loving, thrusting pace between your legs.

“S-so full,” you sighed in approval. "You make me so full."

“If I knew you’d feel this good, I would have fucking stolen you,” he grunted in your ear, speeding up the pace. “Would have broken into your temple and made your gods witness my love for you… Would have fucked you until you became a saint yourself…”

As twisted as that sounded, you liked it. There was no judgment between the both of you. With lewd, obscene eyes on his, you smirked. “I bet they’re watching now. Why don’t you show them how much you love me?”

Fuck. He did. So deep and fast your hand had to reach for the luxurious headboard to steady yourself against it. Instinctively, Jaehyun placed one hand on the back of your head so you wouldn’t hit it, pushing his girthy member in and out of you with such expertise your breasts bounced right at his face, your sweet pliable body giving in so beautifully Koschei the Deathless could crown you his queen. Seeking to make you feel good, he reached low, rubbing circles on your little clit as his abdomen tensed with the strength of his hips.

“You’re so fertile,” he returned the praise, his breath fast and wanton. “So perfect to breed, my love… I wanna fill you up with my seed.”

You came with a loud cry, that to Jaehyun sounded like an angel singing, your cunt gushing with juices that mixed with his seed. He couldn’t hold it back once you so eagerly gave yourself to him, lost in bliss and cock, your tempting little body trembling into his hold, features so lovely the Lord of Life felt as though he knew nothing about beauty.

When the Lord of Life came inside you, you felt as though the entirety of the world belonged to your womb. Like you carried every possibility of creation in your belly, too fucked out to properly think, only able to smile as you took in the freckles on his face, the foxy shape of his eyes, and the expressiveness of his frowned eyebrows as you gave him one last squeeze.

You never forgot how genuinely happy those days and nights were, how your tender hands played with his hair as Jaehyun listened to your heartbeat.

Those weeks with you were the closest he felt to peace.

-

“I see some sort of spiritual obsession related to her past life,” you announced to the mother whose child waited outside the room. It was your last appointment of the day, and even though you were tired, you tried to be welcoming when breaking such news. “That’s why she’s been having frequent nightmares.”

The mother looked at you with confused blue eyes. “I don’t understand…”

“Some spirits continue to feel the anger they felt in life, after they made the passage through the realms of Death. They become slaves to their own emotions, and might haunt the living until they decide to heal their own pain. I detected a spirit that is angry with your daughter, and it is highly probable that it is giving her nightmares.”

“How do you know that?”

“A priestess never works alone. A spiritual friend told me.”

“A spiritual friend?”

“Yes. I work with souls that decided not to reincarnate, and instead watch over us, guiding our journey.”

“That’s unusual,” her tone was skeptical. You did not blame her.

“In the immortal realm, indeed, but quite common in the mortal realm, if you’d like to know. I bet on the low level of soul acknowledgment.”

“I thought the Lady of Reincarnation and Chances took care of that.”

“Her job is to keep the wheel, not to teach on how to solve spiritual problems, although I admit that would make the world a much more lovely place.”

“What should I do, then?”

“Give your daughter a rue and camomile bath,” you picked up a bit of said herbs and handed it over to her. “I see you’re still skeptical about my methods, but I recommend you come back with her tomorrow. I’ll make contact with one of my friends and open a ritual to weaken the obsession. You will be here at all times, with your daughter. She won’t feel any pain.”

The mother was still unsure, but considering when you opened the door for her to leave. Much to your surprise, Jaehyun was outside with the little girl, clad in black clothing, singing her a song as she clapped her hands.

“My Lord,” the mother respectfully bent.

“Please, that’s not necessary,” Koschei spoke, smiling. He had always loved children. “I was having fun with this smart one,” he hummed, letting the girl jump from his thigh and join her mother. “I hope to see you again soon.”

The mother nodded weakly, keeping her gaze low as she intertwined her daughter’s hand in hers. “Thank you, my Lady. My Lord,” she bowed once again before heading outside, carrying her daughter with her. The lovely girl waved you goodbye.

Jaehyun then turned to you. “What was the diagnosis?”

“Heavy spiritual obsession related to reincarnation.”

“Ouch,” he hissed. “Who will you be calling?”

“Granny Isobel,” you informed. Granny Isobel was one of your closest spiritual guides. Her image was of an ancient black woman, sitting on a low bench and smoking a pipe. Besides from knowing a bunch of complex magics to disassociate spiritual obsessions, her personality was the kindest, the most humble, and even angry spirits got calmer in her presence.

“I love Granny Isobel,” Jaehyun cooed.

He knew the majority of your spiritual guides. You had told him everything when you were still working during the war. Back then, it wasn’t rare to call your guides when you needed extra assistance. They were always working by your side, and sometimes through you. Each of them had unique personalities and skills. They were your spiritual family.

“And I love Gravedigger, and Mary of Roses, and our dear, clever Little Bee…” Jaehyun continued, making you chuckle.

“You’re so flattering.”

“I’m genuine,” he assured, keeping his hands behind his back in a way he looked like a gentleman. “I came to personally escort you to dinner.”

Anxious, you noticed.

“Let me finish my prayers and we can go.”

After you did as you said, you closed the temple’s door, accepting Jaehyun’s arm and letting him guide you through the familiar manor.

“I have dreamed of this day,” he admitted.

“You’ve dreamed about having dinner with me?”

“As your husband?” He tilted his head towards you. “Definitely.”

So had you. Countless times.

Soon, you arrived at the corridor that led to Jaehyun’s office, where you usually had dinner. To your surprise, Jaehyun turned left and not right, pulling you to his side. “We’re not having dinner at the office anymore,” he calmly explained, leading you to the door that anticipated the garden.

Your eyes shone at the splendid sight: the delicate round lights hanging above the table for two, the white lilies breathing perfume through the night, the modest table setting made just for the both of you. Nothing too luxurious, nothing too much. Just a simple dinner outside, to enjoy the stars and the fresh nightly air that caressed your heated cheeks.

“This is beautiful,” you hummed in approval, sitting on the chair Jaehyun pulled for you.

“That’s how I wanted our nights to be after our honeymoon,” he admitted, taking the seat in front of you. His wedding ring shone brighter under the lights. “I know we didn’t have one, but we can. Anytime, any day.”

He was so flirty, so true and so damn smitten you could have smashed his cheeks in your hands and kissed him hard.

“I’ll think about it,” you breathed, intentionally eyeing the table. The growl in your stomach was heard at the smell of freshly baked bread, butter, meat and vegetables.

Some small talk proceeded as you served the food and ate, enjoying the captivating, sweet atmosphere of your encounter, as bees landed on the lilies and cicadas sang in the distance. Life. Everything was so full of life, again.

“I’ve been thinking about your peace proposal,” Jaehyun broke it to you.

“What have you decided?”

“Not much, I admit. Creating a new Lord or Lady is a complex thing, even more in the dynamics we are used to. Peace should be about controlling violence, and we’re too used to how violence tastes.”

“I agree. It has to be someone above life and death.”

“See? Complex.”

“Achievable?”

“In a way, yes. I’m still considering the possibilities.”

“Wanna share?”

“You’ll know eventually. I don’t wish to scare you now.”

“Few things scare me, Koschei.”

The name made Jaehyun’s eyes clench. He hated being called Koschei when you knew his layers a lot deeper, intimately.

“Love, as much as you’re dear to me, I must remind you that you’re not familiar with the dangerous limits between life and death.”

You hummed almost inaudibly, munching on some bread. “I don’t disagree.”

“Good girl,” a smirk blossomed on his kissable lips, just for the sake of fun, and for the sake of fun, too, you decided to tease him back while slicing the bread.

“If I remember correctly, sweet boy, I was not the one who liked being praised,” you noted, eyes sparkling with devilry.”

The way Jaehyun’s hand stilled on the fork had you smiling widely. It was impossible resisting how amazing you felt that you had such an effect on him. The hard swallow of his throat didn’t go unnoticed.

“I suggest you stop teasing me if you have no intentions of ending up on my bed tonight,” his warning was a delectable, adorable mix of danger and fluster that only made you chuckle in amusement. Jaehyun hardened his gaze. “You would not be laughing if you knew how I’ve suffered for the past two years. My hand is nothing compared to your warmth.”

You shouldn’t like it so much when he openly expressed his needs like that, but you still did and there was nothing to do about that.

“Sounds like you think you suffered exclusively,” you analyzed.

“Not what I meant,” Jaehyun took a sip of wine. “But good to know I was not alone.”

Oh, if he only knew. If your lovely husband was aware of the battles you fought against your own body in his absence, with hands whose control didn’t seem to belong to your own mind…

“We both suffered enough, I guess,” you brought a bit of sobriety to the dialogue. You still needed reassurance.

Jaehyun acquiesced, stealing the bread you had just sliced.

“By the way,” he grinned, “Mark and Vasilisa will be reincarnated tomorrow. I’ll make sure to tell you where, so you’re the first to know.”

The news lit up your face, your heart calm and content. They deserved a second chance.

“Thank you, Jaehyun. That means a lot to me.”

Jaehyun. Not Koschei.

-

“Your death… Did you really hide it?”

Your question echoed in the room’s darkness, so silent Jaehyun was able to listen to your heartbeat, as his ear rested on your bare chest, your hand gently caressing his hair.

“Yes,” was his forthright answer. “I hid it inside a needle, which is in an egg, which is in a duck, which is in a black hound, which is in an iron chest, which is buried under an oak tree, in the island we are at now.”

The amburana scent made company to your many thoughts as you hummed, tilting your head to look into his eyes.

“Do you regret it? Making yourself Deathless?”

Jaehyun turned his head, now supporting his chin above your breasts. His hand started drawing random patterns on your left hip, like he was testing your softness at the tip of his fingers. The same fingers who just had explored every inch of you.

“I don’t. Deathless is what I am,” he murmured.

“Doesn’t it mean that you’re destined to watch people die time after time? It must be hard…”

“It is,” he agreed. “I admit I’ve been thinking more about it now that I have you.”

His confession felt like he was carved in your heart like bullets in the flesh, like stars in the clear sky. “Time is passing for you, but it’s stopped for me” Jaehyun caressed your cheek with the back of his hand. “One day, eventually, you’ll get old…”

“You don’t have to think about that now, love” you interfered, because you, yourself, did not want to face the truth.

“If I don’t, then there will come the day you’re gone, and I’ll be suddenly on my own again.” His eyes were filled with tenderness as he uttered every word. Gently, Jaehyun grabbed your hands in his, intertwining your fingers. “I’ll love you until you’re old and need my aid in walking…”

“Why are you saying those things?” you chuckled, wishing both to laugh and cry.

“Because I have to be ready to breathe Life into you after Death takes you away. I can have you reincarnated. Then, I’ll just have to patiently wait a few years until you’re grown enough to be courted.”

The intensity of what he was telling you made your heart skip a beat. What Jaehyun was proposing was living through the thorns of time and pain to be with you, keeping his love for you alive until your last days, and waiting until you were available for his love and care. It overwhelmed you so deeply your eyes watered, and you moved quickly to hide your face in the pillow.

“Don’t,” he chuckled, grabbing your chin lovingly.

“You’re making me cry!” you protested, closing your eyes.

“Silly girl,” Jaehyun sighed, replacing his hand with his lips in an attempt to ease you. “Allow yourself to feel. Love is a beautiful thing.”

“You’re promising me an eternity of love… What if I get so old and senile you won’t ever try going after me again? What if our love wears out?” You placed your insecurities in your mouth.

Jaehyun’s kiss turned into a sudden, slightly painful punishment bite in your lower lip. You opened your mouth to confront him, but he kissed you hard, passionately, hovering over you, his body pressing yours, his scent in your lungs, his hardness against your soaked folds… What he said next echoed in your bones like an earthquake, shaking your every fiber before you melted in his arms once again, like you were always going to. “If that day ever comes, then I’ll be truly dead.”

-

The mother returned with her daughter: their sessions kept you occupied for most of your time, as Granny Isobel demanded. Obsessions demanded more than simply communicating with a guide: you had to incorporate the spirits so they could use your body — it was nothing like a possession, as you were conscious at all moments, sharing your mind with the guides you were so devoted to.

After five sessions, Granny Isobel had it all solved, and the girl could go back home to sleep peacefully.

Jaehyun had asked the mother if he could observe the rituals, and with her approval, he stood inside the temple watching you work. It was truly amazing, how your entire face changed after Granny had arrived, and how you sounded like someone else as Granny smoked her pipe.

When the last session was over, Jaehyun approached her.

“Granny, is there anything else you need? A cup of coffee? Another smoking pipe?” he politely checked, bending to be on your eye level.

“Thank you, my child. I’ve had enough,” Granny replied with a gentle smile that made your eyes tiny under the straw hat. She always called others ‘child’, and Koschei the Deathless was not an exception. “I only wished to talk to you in private.”

“Sure, what is it you want to talk about?”

Speaking as another spirit was in your head was an arduous thing to explain. It felt as though someone else put the words in your brain so you could pronounce them. So, when Granny spoke, you wondered what she meant:

“You’ve been worrying your head over bad news, and I wanted to tell you to share the weight, child. Tell my girl about what’s making you lose your sleep.”

You stood there, in your body, without having a single idea of what Granny Isobel knew. Still, the immediate recognition in Jaehyun’s face told you that he did. “Alright, Granny,” he nodded. “Thank you for your advice..”

“Not at all, my child. You can call me anytime. Granny is always here to help her children.” In slow, trembling movements, Granny removed the hat from your head and placed it on Jaehyun’s. She took a last puff on her pipe and then allowed your head to be still, intertwining your hands and closing your eyes. After long breaths, you noticed the control over your fingers, the saliva in your mouth, your free toes touching the stone ground. Your eyes opened, taking in the worried face in front of you.

“What is it?” was your natural, obvious question.

Jaehyun breathed, removing the hat from his head. “I have to show you something.”

Twenty minutes later, you were on a horse as Jaehyun rode, his chest to your back, to the mortal realm. Magic once again made the passage smooth and almost imperceptible, but you swiftly sensed the difference.

Jaehyun took you to a foreign country with beautiful landscapes. He rode until you reached a bounteous city, where people excitedly talked and interacted over barracks of food, fabric, souvenirs and witchcraft. As you passed them by, Jaehyun held your hand, guiding you through the feverish crowd until you arrived at a square where a middle-aged man dressed in red made a speech so ardent spit escaped from his mouth. Even if the language sounded completely strange to your ears, you understood he was angry and greedy. People around you agreed with him — mostly men, shaking their heads in agreement.

At the middle of his speech, the man pointed to a table where a young boy, dressed as a soldier, waited for new recruits.

You squeezed Jaehyun’s hand, your saliva suddenly too hard to swallow. “Jae, they’re-”

“Preparing for war,” Jaehyun nodded somberly.

You stood back to witness how quickly a line was formed in front of the table, how eagerly men filled their information on paper, how young boys joined their fathers, and how children looked at the future soldiers with adoration widening their pupils. Some even pretended to be carrying guns and shooting around.

There was nothing you and Jaehyun could do about them, as free-will had always been something holy, even to the Lords and the Ladies. You looked around, your gaze ending up on Jaehyun’s grave face. The frown in his complexion turned his apprehension in.

“What now?” you asked.

“Let’s go back,” he decided. “I don’t want others listening.”

The ride back to Buyan seemed to go by slower than the other way around, or maybe it was just your heart’s anxiety. How long until the Lord of Death was knocking on the manor’s door? How long until he striked first, and murdered the servants? How long until he got to you?

You shook those sinister questions away for as long as you could, following Jaehyun inside the manor, up to his office, close to bouncing on your feet out of concern.

It was hard for Jaehyun to face you and speak, to finally share something both occult within his shadows and faithful to his nature. But you deserved to know. You deserved to understand.

Jaehyun circled the table, looking at the maps of the immortal realm before speaking.

“It starts by affecting me,” he confessed. “Whenever humans, made by my own doing, fight, I feel. I sense their despair, their anger, their urgency for revenge and destruction. It cuts me so deep as though a knife is carved in my chest, and the more I try to ignore it, the more I bleed,” as he spoke, both Jaehyun and Koschei the Deathless poured their truths to you. “My only power is to create and take care of life, and when war breaks, the need of survival forces me to act. Therefore, the war starts with me, Y/N. I strike first.”

You held his gaze, then took a step forward, and another one. “Have you started feeling anything already?” you demanded.

“Anger. Just a shot.”

“Do you think it will happen again? For real?”

His smile was sad. “It always does, Y/N.”

Shit.

You reached for Jaehyun’s hands, bringing them to your lips. At that moment, you thanked Granny Isobel for seeing through him, for encouraging him to tell you.

“You have to create Peace, Jae,” a severe seriousness was found in both your voice and eyes.

“It’s compl-”

“I know, but it has to be done. You must come up with something that eases your pain when humans fight. You’re not in control of their actions, but you’re in control of yours. If you strike first, the immortal realm is in danger.”

“It still won’t keep Yuta from striking if he has a chance,” he murmured, and you sensed some hesitation in his tone, as if Jaehyun feared your creative brain.

“Use something he is scared of. Something Yuta cherishes so much he will refuse to fight. Tell me,” you lowered your hands, “what does Death fear?”

The silence between you seemed to last hours before Jaehyun spoke again. You were so smart. Too smart for your own good.

“He fears having nothing to fight against. Death fears the lack of life.”

The knowledge left a bitter taste on your tongue. “So Yuta fears your death,” you concluded.

A small, harmless nod, confirmed your theory.

“You were right when you said peace should be above all things. By controlling my death, they will have power over me, and over Yuta.” Never before had you witnessed such a strong glare on Jaehyun’s eyes. Never before such sinister sincerity had clouded his lovely irises.

And even before he said it, you got it. You immediately understood what made the creation of peace so complicated.

“I’ll show you where I hid it, and then you’ll possess my death,” Jaehyun smiled confidently, brushing one hair strand behind your ear. “After it is done, you can be her. You can be the Lady of Peace.”

-

Breathlessly, his hands dug into the humid, cold earth as the night sky glowled with red lightning. The duck was still alive, moving inside the black hound, her long ears up inside the heavy iron chest.

It was Koschei, alone, at the beginning of times, hiding his death.

Because of his loneliness, he breathed life into a deadly brother. Because of life, he was always going to fight him. But Koschei himself could not be killed, as his death meant the end of every kind of life, the eternal termination of humanity itself. And so he dug.

-

The night was dark as if crafted by the solitude of an angel; the cicadas sang their monotony and it echoed through the endless Buyan trees. Jaehyun had you by the hand, confidently walking among the forest shadows, as moonlight only peeked through the few empty holes in the treetops.

“That was not what I asked for,” you breathed so hard it resembled an angry bull, your nostrils swollen. Becoming a Lady, someone with holy powers and immortality, was not on your list, and the mere idea that you would have Jaehyun’s death in your hands, to own him… It overwhelmed you in ways you couldn’t define as inviting or just fucking terrifying. “I can’t- Jaehyun, I can’t be a Lady-”

He laughed your refusal off, canine teeth sharp against his lower lip when he looked over his shoulder. “You’re perfect for the role, sweetheart. I would never hand my death to anyone else.”

It was his docility against your rage.

You finally arrived at a stream in which clear water musically flowed down small rocks, and a few stony, muddy steps took to an old oak tree, with branches so tortured by time and circumstance they were wry.

Rebel goosebumps assaulted your skin, delating the mystery hidden under the heavy, old earth.

“Let’s suppose Death strikes against you, and I have to keep you from fighting back. What if you fail? Will I have to…” The following words felt like a crime, so you did not pronounce them.

“Kill me?” Jaehyun dared, frowning playfully as he stood in front of you. “It won’t come to that, love.”

“How can you be so sure?” you demanded.

“Because of you. You’ll have the ability of peace: it will be anywhere with you. That’s what Ladies and Lords do. Baba Yaga, she controls luck: wherever she is, luck is with her. Why do you think I sent her to protect you? Plus,” your husband hummed, caressing your lower lip with his thumb, “the least thing that would make you is a helpless wife. You’ll be an equal.”

“I’ll be powerful,” you retorted. Jaehyun’s proposal amused and frightened you symmetrically. He was offering you more than just peace. Jaehyun was offering Himself, as the myth promised. You felt the need to remind him: “Only someone who possesses Koschei’s hound can have him in their power.”

As the oak tree top danced freely to the wind, moonlight slid in and reflected the tender, calm brown shade in his eyes.

“Only power can make us equal,” Jaehyun kissed your forehead, arms wrapping around you in a comforting hug. His chest to yours soothed your urge to protest, and you allowed yourself to focus on the simple task of breathing his scent in. “This will satisfy you more than you think, Y/N. And if you believe you’ll be ready to be my wife after that, I’ll be waiting in body and soul.”

Silenced by your own ignorance, you came face to face with the consequences of your desires, clutching to Jaehyun’s embrace not to fall. He trusted you like that, to be the one holding the only thing that could risk not only his life, but the life of everything that existed.

Gently, you parted from his arms, gazing both the sincerity and vulnerability in his eyes. Only power could make you equal.

A slow nod came from your face, and at that Jaehyun grinned. Then, he started digging up, hands dirty with mud, reaching lower and lower until his digits came across the iron chest. He opened it with a key he kept secret in his coat. Inside, you glimpsed a black hound with the longest ears, with eyes as brown as Koschei’s. You returned to the manor with the hound following you closely.

-

Everyone knew Koschei breathed life into the first humans, as he did to the first trees, mountains, seas, and the animals that inhabited the earth. On the other hand, even if the story was familiar, passed from generation to generation, from parents to children, no one had ever witnessed how it was done. How life was created.

Part of you rationally expected Jaehyun to take you to his office, where he spent restless nights scheming war strategies and daydreaming about possibilities. Much to your surprise, he took you to your bedroom. Not his bedroom, not yours, but the room that once belonged to the both of you. Where you made love for the first time. Where you felt the most loved, adored, worshiped.

Jaehyun closed the door and approached you slowly. The hound stood calmly by your side, blinking her eyes without a worry in the world. “She’s been trained to only obey her master,” the Lord of Life’s grave voice caressed the skin of your ear, making you notice exactly how close he stood. Daring and determined, his hands landed on your hips. “She will do anything you want.”

Inside the hound, a duck breathed. Inside the duck, there was an egg, and inside the egg, there was a needle. You could already feel it. The power. And once again, magic never failed to impress you, because it was nothing like you imagined. Everytime you pictured someone powerful, your imagination created images of virility and strength; crowns and servants; realms and governments. But what you now felt was a calm so intricate within your bones nothing could disturb it, a root tangled in the end of the world with its eyes closed in great superiority, as though all problems had a solution.

You felt complete, filled up, unbothered. Soothing.

Suddenly, the hound moved to rest on the armchair by the window, where the curtains swayed with the cool night breeze. You let her be. She was not going to run away from you.

“From this day on, you will always feel her,” Jaehyun murmured, unable to resist the urge to pull your hair from your neck and gently lean over, intoxicated by the ever lovely spring you brought to his lungs. “She’s yours to take care of now.”

You breathed solemnly, your body euphoric, the tip of your fingers numb in sweet expectation.

“How do you do it, Jaehyun?”

He knew exactly what you referred to.

Effortlessly, Jaehyun turned you to him with a swift move of his hands. You had been avoiding your proximity for so long, torturing yourself for weeks, too driven by your stubbornness, only to melt into his arms.

“With a kiss,” he answered, each word punctuated slowly and delicate against the skin of your neck. The sniff Jaehyun took made you tremble. He straightened himself, purposefully looking into your eyes. “But for you, my wife, and only for you, we can do it differently. I can breed life into you.”

You moaned. A low, barely there moan that betrayed you and your untrained instincts.

Fuck.

Quickly, you cleared your throat. “That’s a drastic change I have yet to consider,” you hurried yourself in explaining, looking away to the window in fear desire would take the lead and betray your reasoning.

Jaehyun took a deep breath.

“You’re still mad at me,” he concluded. The way he sounded disappointed made you frown.

“I haven’t, but now that you sound so frustrated, I might. What were you expecting, that I immediately accepted your proposal?” Your voice grew in anger the more you spoke. “Did you bring me here to fuck me and get it done?”

“No!” Jaehyun immediately defended himself, although there was guilt in his eyes. “It’s not like you’re putting in.”

You hummed in disdain.

Jaehyun protested. “I thought this was what you wanted!”

“Jaehyun, I am human! Whatever you thought I wanted is not such a sudden change that will make me live young and long like you gods do!” You could rub your temples, as a headache started growing. “Please, give me time to process things.”

You noticed how the thoughts ran through his head, and how quickly he accepted the idea of taking it easy on you, so when he offered you his arms, you stepped closer. Comforting, his embrace soothed your worries as quickly as a blow in a candle.

“I’m sorry, love. I genuinely thought it was what your heart desired.”

“It’s fine,” you rested your cheek on his chest, gaze crossing the hound’s. “I just need time.”

-

The hound followed you around like a magnet. Wherever you were, she followed religiously, her distant gaze always on what you were doing, as though she had fully understood who her true guardian would be. To say she was always around would imply in admitting the hound spent her time with you in the temple, hidden by the table not to call any attention as people were allowed in and you worked normally. Or so you liked to think, because sincerely, you couldn’t stop thinking about Jaehyun’s proposal.

Your mind was in a constant spiral towards whether you were going to accept it or not, and the consequences. It got to a point where you caught yourself staring into the hound’s eyes time and time again, losing the track of time and space.

A sudden knock on the door made your shoulders jump. You were not expecting anyone, but opened nonetheless.

“Granny!” You cheered at the sight of the old woman with the usual non-pleased look on her face.

“You know I hate it when you call me that,” Baba Yaga walked in without further ceremony, her pointy nose crossing the door before the rest of her body did. She took a careful look around, smelling the room as if to analyze it. “I see you got your temple. Are you finally happy?”

“Yes,” you nodded, making the old witch glare at you.

“But not fully. Why haven’t you accepted Papa Koschei’s offer yet?”

You clenched an eyebrow at her. “Did he send you?”

“No, selfish girl,” she growled, circling the temple until she stopped near the altar. “I came because the luck of the world is about to change. For the first time, we can witness a plain state of peace. No more terrible wars. Wars, as you’re familiar, are unlucky things. You only had what to eat and where to shield because I was there, paying my endless doubt to Koschei, but the rest of the world didn’t have such a blessing. With you as Lady of Peace, I will have to work twice as hard, and I must prepare.”

“So you came to make sure I accept Jaehyun’s offer?”

“You have to,” Baba Yaga simply replied.

“It’s a lot to consider, granny…”

Her cat eyes could have cut you in two like a sharp knife. “Why demand power if you can’t take it, child?” she hissed. “You have the upper hand: you’re finally able to make a choice and bring peace to others. Why hesitate?”

You decided to be sincere. “I guess it’s because I never thought I was going to be the one in charge. The one providing peace. Jaehyun’s offer challenges me. If I accept it, everything will change, even my human nature.”

“It’s not that different, trust me.”

Penetrating, your eyes scanned her. “Have you been human?”

“Human, homeless, broken, abandoned,” Baba Yaga breathed, but her words did not hold any pain or misfortune. “It was a kiss from a young man who saved me.”

Jaehyun.

She kept talking: “You can still be surrounded by humans if you’d like. Eat their food, listen to their music, and help them. In fact, child, you’ll be more of use to humanity if you become something else than human. It has always been like that.”

“The audacity and the nerve of the gods,” playfully, you rolled your eyes. “That’s what I am truly scared of.”

“War is about to start and you’re making everyone lose their time, stupid girl,” Baba Yaga advised. “After everything Papa Koschei has done for you… He won the war, brought you back and offered you a new life, a life full of peace and riches, with endless flavors, and here you are, thinking about it!” she spat, about to open her mouth again, certainly to put you to shame, when the hound walked away from the table, making her eyes widen in surprise. “Oh, my! Is it…?”

You only nodded, petting the top of the hound’s head.

-

The smell of black coffee filled the kitchen in the first morning hours when the explosions shook the ground. Baba Yaga stared at the open window, taking in the details of the ceilings, the beautiful clear, bluest sky, and the absolutely lack of birds. If she closed her eyes, she would be able to see the shotguns and bayonets, the blood running from the uniforms, the broken men wandering the fields, walking towards their death.

Even if she wasn’t human anymore, Baba Yaga despised the inhumanity of war. Her old heart ached when she put her feet outside and saw children all dirty and starving, young mothers with babies in their laps considering selling their bodies for money, and crippled men who returned all fucked up, unsure of how to deal with the pain and the haunting memories. The old witch hated what Koschei had done to her, sending her to the mortal realm to witness the terrible things people did to each other, but her loyalty knew no limits, and so she stayed.

You came into the kitchen all startled. Having woken up with the grave noises outside, you jumped from the bed with a swollen face and your hair all messed up, eyes red from how much you had been silently crying in your room at night.

“Is it t-them? Are the soldiers coming?” you stuttered, taking a look at the same window Baba Yaga had been staring at for long minutes.

“Yes, but don’t you worry,” she responded as though war was nothing but a storm. Heavy and temporary. “They’re not getting to this street.”

You tilted your face to hers. “What do you mean, granny?”

It was so simple you would never believe it, how easily Baba Yaga managed Luck. It took one move of her wrinkled hand for the entire army to ignore there was a certain street, in which lived a young beautiful lady, with a very old woman. There were so many things you didn’t understand, things it was not the time for you to know, so Baba Yaga simply moved her hand and lifted her shoulders.

“Just a guess.”

-

If war was coming, you kept a careful note to watch over Jaehyun.

You did not quite understand how his emotions shifted, but the first sign was as clear as water: his company was as pleasant as ever, but Jaehyun often looked at a specific, invisible spot on the wall and disappeared into his own thoughts, hands clenched into fists on the table. He looked so distant even after he assured you everything was fine, because he didn’t want to influence your decision by showing you how he had already started being affected. Still, you thought it was a bad moment to tell him you had finally made your decision.

You came across the second sign one night, as you and the hound stopped at a very unusual sight: Jaehyun, sat at the stairs to your shared bedroom, sobbing lowly.

“What’s wrong, Jae?” you sat in front of him, your tone worried and assisting as you patted his shaking shoulders.

He lifted his expressive eyes, and by the surprise in them, he had not heard you approaching. “I suddenly felt emotional.”

“What a terrible liar,” you gently wiped his tears with your thumbs. “Is it the war? Has it started?”

He nodded. “I can feel the loss. Mothers crying all day, girls and boys losing their childhood, lovers that won’t ever return...”

Your gaze lowered in time to capture your hand intertwining with his. Slowly, you brought it to your mouth, placing a kiss at the back of it. It amazed him, how you weren’t Lady of Peace, but managed to calm his mind and heart effortlessly with a single touch.

When you spoke again, your tone was definitive. “I’ve made my decision.”

Jaehyun swallowed, suddenly nervous by the determination in your voice. Mercifully, you didn’t wait for him to ask what your decision was, pronouncing every word clearly. “I accept your proposal.”

The only times you had watched Jaehyun’s face light up with such delight was when he asked for your hand in marriage and when he saw you in your impeccable wedding dress. As if in slow motion, his eyes squinted slightly, his cheeks raised, and the soft wrinkles at the corners of his eyes matched the sweet smile blooming in his lips. And just like that, looking very similar to a boy in front of a candy factory, he hugged you.

“Thank you!” Jaehyun poured his gratitude in his voice, pulling you to him with his arms around your neck. “Thank you, my love, for making my life better! For being you, my lovely wife…” He cried and reached for your face, kissing your forehead, then the space between your eyebrows, your nose — oh, he loved your nose —, your cheeks, your chin, and all the way up to your forehead again.

You smiled, amused by another side of the man that created the entirety of the world. It stopped your breath, how much of a loved child he became when he was happy.

“I’ll prepare everything slowly, so you don’t need to hurry,” Jaehyun pulled away, but continued to cup your face, so holy to him. “We can do it tomorrow, in a week or whenever you want. One kiss and it will be done.”

You squeezed your eyes, trying not to smirk. “I beg your pardon, husband, but you promised me way more than a kiss.”

Your words had an instant effect. Jaehyun was not like a boy anymore, as his eyes widened with clouds of lust.

“Would you like that?” he searched for consent. “Being bred?”

“Yes.”

“Have me fill you up, make you drip with my seed, make you my Lady?”

A shiver ran down your belly, warm where it landed. Your pride, which took you two years to build, was nothing compared to the absolute bliss of being once again desired by him, the man you freely gave your heart to. Your pride could never top the realization that Jaehyun, in the solemn act of gifting you his death, trusted you entirely, and you were going to assure, love and care for him. At that moment, even if you tried gathering every little attempt to resist him, it was going to be in vain, because pride was nothing compared to love.

“Yes, my love” you grinned adorably before pressing a peck to his lips, breathing in the manly scent of amburana. “Now.”

As quick and determined as your request, Jaehyun grabbed your hand and took you inside the room. You didn’t have the time to register the orange intensity of the flames in the fireplace, the flowers on the bedside tables — small details Jaehyun arranged last minute, with a breath in the world, to set up the mood. The only thing you could focus on was his desireful eyes after he pushed you flush to him, making you lightheaded with arousal.

Your chests heaved in unison while his hands slid to the strings of your dress. Skilled, long hands that had your thighs clenching in sweet anticipation. The sensation of your breasts inside the loosened fabric nearly made you squirm. To help, you untangled yourself from the sleeves and moved your hips to pull the skirt down to your feet, along with your undies, standing beautifully naked in front of your husband, your heart skipping several beats as he eyed you with so much need it made him look drunk, as if he was consuming you.

The force in which your lips smashed could not be described.

Only now, with his velvety lips on yours, you understood how badly you had missed Jaehyun. How flavorless life had been when he was not around, how incomplete the days were without his love and his arms to hold you.

He lifted you up, allowing you to snake your legs around his waist, while your tongues danced sensually, moans colliding in the lovely mess of lips and saliva. Then, he placed you on the mattress, taking a look at your body in a way it felt like he was committing your image to his memory for eternity.

“You have no idea how I’ve missed you,” he growled, with a line of crystal water flooding his eyes, before burying his face in your chest, kissing your voluminous breasts.

Eagerly, your hands removed his coat and unbuttoned his shirt, touching every inch of skin exposed. “I’ve missed you just the same,” you confessed, cheeks flushing with pleasure at the long sucks of his mouth on your nipples.

Driven by need, Jaehyun proceeded to take off his pants himself while his mouth continued its worship on your tits. The flex of his muscles was divine to you, his broad shoulders perfect for the delicacy of your hands, his hips tailor-made to fit between the warmth of your legs. There was no way you could resist how your gaze fixated on his lower body, heated by what you saw.

“You’re so huge…” You had almost forgotten, the praise making your husband bite his lower lip.

“You can take it. Gotta make sure you’re wet and ready, wife” Jaehyun kissed your jawline, now using his hands to explore your skin. He was a slave to your perfectly crafted body, its godly curves, divine folds, small and strategically located moles he knew by heart. For your body alone he would be on his knees begging, lips devoted to every inch of your skin, and the lovely way you responded to him driving him all kinds of insane.

“I want to take it slow,” he swiftly spread your thighs. The visceral grunt that left his lips at the sight of your soaked entrance reverberated on your bones.

“We have time,” you grinned, lowering your hand to your folds and running two digits against the warm, velvety juices, only to smear them on Jaehyun’s lower lip. “We have all night to make a baby.”

With a growl, Jaehyun’s hands were on the back of your knees, keeping your thighs separated, which meant you were fully spread and exposed for him. He leaned towards your cunt, readily using his wet and hot tongue on you. You moaned his name like both a curse and a prayer.

“Missed this beautiful pussy so much,” he whispered. “My gorgeous girl, my lovely priestess… I’m going to ruin you.”

Shit. You had never been so turned on, dripping right at his tongue. Jaehyun ate you out so well, tongue circling your clit, alternating long and broad licks with quicker ones.

“You’re such a dream,” you complimented breathly, back arching at the slurp on your swollen clit. “I love you so much, Jaehyun. Gonna breed me good, pump me full of c-“ a high-pitched moan cut you off when he sucked on your clit, the heated, sinful sensations between your legs so good you squirted a little.

“Holy shit,” he cursed, only more determined to make you cum in his mouth. “That’s it, baby. Let go.” It didn’t surprise you that his slender finger slid inside you so easily, considering how wet you were. Jaehyun expertly combined the long suction of his mouth with sharp pumps of his fingers, massaging a sensitive spot inside you that made your thighs shake. You came hard and long, closing your eyes shut as your sweet body convulsed.

When you opened your eyes, you noticed the bed was wet, and Jaehyun’s chin dripped with crystal squirt.

You had to touch him.

In no time, you were on your knees with your hands wrapped around his cock, pumping him tortuously firm and slow. Your heart fluttered, because Jaehyun looked at you as if you had personally put the stars in the sky, when you both knew who blew the glow in them in the first place. The way he looked at you… It was just healing, making you feel like the most alluring woman in the world.

“Please,” he begged, balls tense with how much cum he had for you. Your dainty hands on him had always been too much for his sanity to take. “Please, let me in.”

Mercifully, you aligned his cock with your entrance and swiftly took all of his girth at once. The burning stretch, after so long, pulled a pornographic moan out of your throat, one that mixed with the grave groan Jaehyun let out. Your eyes locked with pleasure before you lifted your hips and sank down on him again, aware of how tight your walls gripped his length, like a vice.

“I love you,” Jaehyun threw his head back with a hiss, exposing his neck for your lips. As you kissed him there, his calloused hands grabbed your hips in adoration, helping the firm pace you set. “I love you madly, my dear, my wife- so pretty bouncing on my cock, ready to be filled.”

You thrived on the praise, speeding your hips and drinking from the bliss on his face. “I’m yours, Jae,” your foreheads touched, lips brushing in passion. “I’m yours, my husband.”

Jaehyun was easily the luckiest man alive, graced with such words combined to the tightness of your heavenly walls. The image of you on top of him, calling him husband, the scent of your arousal soaking the bed, your lovely breasts bouncing, the spasms of your cunt nearly milking him dry… It was all driving him crazy to breed you full and not let any drip of cum escape.

Impulsively, he rolled your bodies on the bed and lifted your hips before he was pounding you hard and fast, your calves resting above his shoulders as he reached deep inside, repeatedly hitting your cervix. You took the chance to admire him, aroused by how his muscles clenched, black hair falling onto his forehead, his beautiful face contorted in the pleasure of taking you to himself. The position also allowed a constant friction against your clit, and you could already feel another orgasm lurking.

“You’ll be mine forever,” Jaehyun grinned with delight, keeping your legs against his chest as his hips met yours. Differently from all the times you had sex before, you sensed he was deeper this time, as though his own cells mixed with yours, as if you shared the same blood… Like he was making you fertile, full of life. “My Lady of Peace, above everything, above everyone. Mine to love, mine to rule me..”

You nodded, absolutely in love with how it sounded. You were so lucky, so damn lucky it was hard to believe. A needy moan escaped your mouth right into his when his cock reached all the right places. You tensed, closing your eyes as the pleasure grew beyond measure.

“Eyes on me,” Jaehyun commanded, and you obeyed, taking every thrust as your body rocked underneath his. “I want you to look at me when I breed life into you.”

It felt so desperately good, so out of any world and realm, that you sank your nails in the skin of his shoulders, a victim of how your pussy clenched and pulsated around his cock until you were cumming hard, trembling, holding his gaze as yours faltered, full of ecstasy and pleasure.

The alluring sight of your orgasm edged Jaehyun on, and you thanked that your eyes were open, blessed with the image of your husband cumming inside you: with pupils so blown out his irises were almost black, a furrow in his lovely brows, and a moan so deep in his throat your own orgasm lasted a little longer, squirting juices mixing with thick, pearly seed that coated your cunt.

You remained tied with each other, your forehead on his shoulder and one of his arms supporting your weight, until your breaths calmed down and the aftershocks smoothened. There was nothing but happiness in your eyes, nothing but fulfillment as you laughed, high on love. Buried in your warmth, Jaehyun took his time feeling you, caressing your face with the back of his hand with shooting stars in his eyes. He had waited so long for the day where he could be with you like that, silent on a bed, just taking in every detail of your face — and now, not only you were where he’d dreamed of, but you were his Lady: someone who possessed his death as much as his life, someone that belonged to eternity as every other Lord and Lady he had created.

No words were needed. You just had to enjoy every second, allowing yourselves to be allured, to surrender to the love you were promised to. And to give into the peace that started flourishing in your chest like a white lily.

-

It was past noon when your eyes opened. Your body woke up slowly, muscles growing aware of small aches left by love making, that unconsciously spread your lips in a blooming smile. Stretching on the mattress, you got aware of the toned arms on your waist, and the heavy breath on your neck.

Much to your delight, the face you landed your eyes on belonged to the only person you ever wished to share your mornings with. Jaehyun slept peacefully, with a glimpse of satisfaction on his undisturbed complexion. It made you smile, how happy he seemed, how gentle and warm his aura was while you caressed his face, brushing his hair back.

Shortly after, he opened his eyes, immediately surrendering to a wide smile. “Am I dreaming?” your husband hummed in a sleepy tone.

“Not this time,” you nested yourself in his bare chest. “I’m right here.”

“Yes,” he cheered lowly and secured the grip of his arms around you. “Did my wife sleep well?”

“Perfectly. What about my husband?”

“Better than the Lord of Sleep himself.”

You chuckled together, Jaehyun’s dimples showing up in a sweet display. “Does it mean you feel better?”

“I feel…” Jaehyun chose the right words, “I feel comfortably peaceful.”

You felt it too. A state of calm, quiet and amity: a delicate reflex of the purest easiness.

“So no loss, no rage, no need to strike first?” you asked to make sure.

Jaehyun shook his head. Calm flooded his eyes — you wondered if it had anything to do with you. As if he could read your mind, he grinned, running his hand through your hair. “Even your aura is different now. Clearer. You’ve got a power that belongs to you only, and you’ll learn how to use it. So far, though, you’re doing amazing.”

“I think I have to try with someone else. You’re too smitten not to be influenced by me,” you teased, instantly rewarded with a slap on your ass cheek.

“I’m sure Yuta or Baba Yaga will offer you a much greater challenge.”

Indeed. Tougher minds for you to easy, but you were confident you would manage.

Your side sank slightly on the mattress when Jaehyun reached for the bedside table, where his coat had landed. You watched his hand slip inside the pocket and return with a familiar silver wedding ring on his palm. “Can I put it back?” Jaehyun carefully asked, his tender and big eyes asking for the sweetest of permissions.

A genuine smile blossomed on your lips. You softly lifted your hand, keeping it in place for him to put the ring back on. The metal was warm as though Jaehyun had been wearing it for you. As if his love guarded the ring with flames.

-

My name is Baba Yaga and this story belongs to me, so I will tell it.

Lucky times, those were, when at the dawn of war, men pulled their bayonets down and went back home, to the arms of their parents and loved ones. Graceful days, with once compromised by rage politicians calmly negotiating with their deadly enemies — men, usually so built up in the narrative of rage, became reasonable and easier to deal with. Fewer people died. The world was a tranquil, welcoming place.

They said it was because of a Lady, crafted in serenity, whose kiss soothed the heart of humans and gods. A woman dressed in white, crowned with sunlight, her hair free and wild with the wind, her eyes alluring, and a smile so contagious it reminded people of their own joy. Peace was nothing but a great state of self satisfaction, and the Lady understood it well, working peace with her fingers as spiders weaved webs.

The Lady of Peace had a black hound, people said. They also said that she had Koschei the Deathless eating right from her hand, like a dog. That he stood in front of her on his knees, black hair like a rook's wings on his face, as the Lady of Peace went through her maps, always aware of where she needed to strike first. That Koschei, the Lord of Life, stood as a servant at her disposal, his shadows submitting to her holy light. She had a sharp eye, a sharper mind, and a fatal way to slide into people’s bloodstream with the calmest of touches.

Obviously, the ones who thrived on violent games were against her existence, but the Lady of Peace was not an ordinary opponent: every attempt to fight her was met with sweet carelessness, and soon enough those who tried taking her down moved on with their lives as though they had not been angry in the first place.

“I have never been so bored,” confessed Death once, when I invited him over for tea. “Can’t even do my job properly.”

“Hush,” I spat. “You still have the accidented, the sick and the old. Good thing that ambitious woman let you have them too.”

“Love makes a fool of us all.”

“It does,” I agreed, “but it also brings out the best of us.”

Never before have I had so much work to get done. Luck and peace walked hand in hand, like sisters. If I had to be completely honest, seeing people happy pleased me, so much so that I did not complain about the workload. Perhaps I was more peaceful myself.

Until that day, of course. The day the black hound was stolen.

-

“Magic doesn’t happen when you light a candle simply,” you explained as the attentive eyes of Mark and Vasilisa watched. “You have to activate the flame, using your words and intentions. The spiritual guides are always by your side to help, but you have to do your part and be specific about what you want.”

You had taken Baba Yaga’s advice and accepted both children as your apprentices. Six years had passed from the day you were crowned Lady of Peace, which gave the reincarnated souls — that were so dear to you — time to grow and be able to understand a few principles of magic. What you did was a serious job, and thankfully they were pretty much interested in everything you had to say.

“Can I try?” Mark politely lifted his hand.

With a short nod, you complied. “Sure.”

The little boy gathered his hands in front of his face, palms against each other, and closed his eyes. “Please, Granny Isobel, let us have a good harvest of watermelons so I can eat them everyday for breakfast.”

You had to retain the chuckle on your lips, instead keeping a serious expression.

“Good! Anything else you want, Mark?”

He opened his eyes. “Pudding for dessert.”

“Anything besides food, perhaps?”

“Oh, intelligence. And health.”

“Go ahead, ask granny. What about you, Val?”

Vasilisa hummed, placing the tip of her finger against her lips. “I just wish to grow up and become an independent, strong woman.”

Your heart fluttered. “That’s a very reasonable wish. Go on, make your wish.”

Both children stood in front of white candles, one for each, and made their prayers. Through the silence in the temple, you sensed two different presences: the black hound, always so close if felt as though she was part of you, and your husband, by the door.

“Papa Koschei!” Both Mark and Vasilisa yelled joyously, running to Jaehyun. As if the children weighted nothing, he picked them up on his sides.

God, he was going to make such a lovely father.

“I came in to check how your classes are going. Are you learning a lot?”

“Yes!” Vasilisa replied. “We’re learning to activate candles!”

“And earlier this week, miss Y/N taught us how to summon the light spirits!” Mark added.

“Wow, that’s huge!” Jaehyun praised, brown eyes glowing with content. “I bet you have an amazing teacher.”

“We do!” The kids hummed in unison before they were put down on the ground. Your husband approached you, placing a kiss on your lips. You kissed him back, a grin blooming where your mouths touched.

“Kids, you’re free to go,” you cooed without looking away.

“Any homework, miss?” Mark asked.

“Activate your candles and talk to your spiritual guides. Then tell me what you felt when you did it,” you instructed.

“Got it! Goodbye, miss! Goodbye, Papa Koschei!”

Soon, you and Jaehyun were alone in the temple. “Did I ever tell you…” he started, forming a trail of kisses from your hand to your arm, “that you look absolutely attractive when teaching?”

“In the past year I might have heard that enough to use it as a weapon,” you shamelessly admitted, palming his chest with the hand that was free. Slowly, said hand started slipping lower.

Jaehyun’s breath got caught in his throat, and he had to remind himself to inhale when your hand reached the volume between his legs.

“Your dick seems tight inside your pants,” you noted with a soft whisper. “Poor boy… Do you want relief?”

His fists clenched around the fabric of your skirt. “That’s the only thing in my mind.”

You smiled peacefully. “Just as I thought.”

Minutes later, you were on your knees with one of your hands at the base of his cock, while your mouth sucked him nice and long, as if in a display of how much of him you could swallow. Jaehyun held onto the table, moving his hips only slightly, his pupils wide at the perfect sight of your mouth taking him whole, lush lips brushing the entirety of his length.

“Fuck, you’re so perfect taking my dick like that,” he groaned, lost in your velvet tongue while trying his best to control his hips from going further. “Let me finish inside you, wife.”

That was a request you never felt like saying no, readily sitting at the edge of the table and removing your — ruined — panties. Jaehyun didn’t take long to spread your legs and bury himself in you, his moan making you tremble in awe as his fingers sank in the meat of your thighs.

You loved that position, how destined your bodies were in each deeper encounter, how Jaehyun’s breath caressed your throat, how his black hair lifted a little after you had brushed it back, a demanding hand on his nape as you kissed him hard, so hard your teeth hurt. It was the only type of violence and excitement you allowed yourself: being fucked with love and care, being filled up with seed that ran from your thighs to the floor, taking your husband’s every facade, whether he was Jaehyun or Koschei the Deathless.

You held the moment of your chests pressed together like it was made of glass, offering your husband an open smile after you were done.

He placed a gentle kiss to the tip of your nose, still inside you even when the aftershocks had passed. It was Jaehyun’s favorite place to be. “Look at us, sinning in your temple,” he chuckled.

“I don’t believe in sins,” you retorted sweetly. “I believe in love.” It was not the first time Jaehyun heard you say those words, and he loved the sound of them a little more every time you pronounced them.

“Are you ready for dinner tonight?” he asked.

“To face all the Lords and Ladies you created when bored?” you teased like a cat. “To listen to their complaints on how dull their routines are now that I reign? To once again patiently listen to their proposal of creating a Lord of War?”

“Life is full of contradictions, wife,” Jaehyun cooed, studying your gaze. “My brothers and sisters seek nothing but to be faithful to their nature.”

“As I will be to mine, brother,” you made sure to add, clenching your muscles. Almost instantly, his girth hardened again.

This time, when he looked at you, Jaehyun’s eyes were frank, like life on a deathbed. “Do you understand, right, love? You are smart enough…” he breathed, rubbing his cheek softly against yours, the firmness of his hand on your jawline. “Nothing will ever be permanent. Life has always been about conflict. And you’re part of it now.”

You understood. It just didn’t mean that you agreed with it.

-

I’ll tell you just how it happened.

The Lord of Life and the Lady of Peace threw a dinner party to welcome all the Lords and Ladies, including me. I joined them at the main table, right next to the Lady, and I was proud at how much she had evolved, although I did not say a word. It has always been hard for me to display affection. I did not yet know words of affirmation tasted good on my tongue.

I anticipated something was going to happen, because of the look on Koschei’s face. Life was never permanent, it was never a thin line, and he knew it. But did his wife know? Did she understand after years used to power, after years maintaining the peace?

The hound was stolen during dinner by the Lord of Inconvenience, who fooled the animal with sweet gestures, as Jungwoo himself looked innocent and harmless, causing Papa Koschei’s death to fall into the embrace of a young Lord that only wished to mess up with order.

And once again, with Koschei’s death in the power of such a trickster, the immortal realms face the possibility of war. Not because people were fighting, not because soldiers were being recruited in the front lines at the mortal realms, but because life was a treacherous thing.

The Lady of Peace stood taller than everyone when John the Knight announced the robbery. She had something new with her. Something small, that I sensed too, because I loved her.

-

“I beg you, wife. Let it be,” Jaehyun whispered.

“Get off your knees.” You felt old, perhaps as old as Baba Yaga. A part of you was stolen, violently taken away from you. You loved the hound. You loved Jaehyun’s death as much as you loved his life, and it was your obligation to take care of both.

Jaehyun continued where he was. “Don’t chase the hound,” he insisted. “Don’t try solving things. Don’t bleed for my death. Jungwoo will keep it safe, I know he will. But war may come, and when it does I will build a shelter for you. I will keep you safe and sound. You will never go hungry. You will not suffer. You will not die. Let it be.”

“I refuse,” you replied hoarsely. Now, you had a choice.

“No one can refuse inconvenience.”

“I’ll face it with peace.”

“I wish you meant what you said,” Jaehyun held your gaze, like a needle piercing your heart. “But we both know you’re not peaceful now, wife.” His eyes were soft and welcoming; yours, dark and imperial. “I know,” Jaehyun murmured, romantic eyes slowly sliding from your face to your belly. “I know there is life inside you.”

You could have looked away, but you did not. Of course he knew. The Lord of Life would always be aware of his creations, even more if his child, flesh and bone, grew inside your womb.

“Get off your knees,” you repeated. “I am not a saint for you to kneel.”

As much as you were a saint to him, this time Jaehyun obeyed. He stood way taller than you, his shadow like a cape. At a blink of an eye, you were inside his embrace, inside his destiny, inside his deathless faith. “I love you, Y/N.” A confession so true, a love so genuine, a father speaking to the woman who bore his child. “I love you and I don’t mind where my death is as long as I have you.”

You chuckled dryly and without a drop of humor, ignoring the knot in your throat. “If anyone else but you had my death, would you be in peace?” You asked the most honest, the bloodiest question you were able to muster.

Jaehyun did not think twice before replying. “No.”

You nodded. Now he understood: it didn’t matter what Jaehyun thought Jungwoo would or wouldn’t do with his death. You wouldn’t rest until you had the hound back, because it was the only way to ensure the life of the man that you loved. The man that was, too, the father of your child. And a child deserved to have a full, complete family.

“I love you, Jaehyun,” you closed your eyes, two sister tears running down your cheeks, “and I will get your death back.”

You commanded the servants to prepare your horses. The trip to the realm of Jungwoo would take nearly a whole day, and you had no time to waste.

“Are you sure it’s a good time to ride, my love?” your husband hesitated.

“I am pregnant, not ill,” you spat. Those were exactly the words your grandmother said to the pregnant ladies who walked inside your childhood home, afraid anything they tried would result in losing their babies. You looked over at Jaehyun’s face, and the surprise in it made you quickly apologize. “I didn’t mean to sound that rough.”

“You’re right, though. I am just unused to your rage.”

“So am I,” you admitted. It felt as though something was horribly wrong with you, like a party dress destined for a fox. “When we arrive, let me speak. Don’t interrupt me.”

Jaehyun clenched an eyebrow at you.

“That’s new, isn’t it? Taking my orders,” you simply commented.

“I promised to do so years ago,” Jaehyun spoke just as ordinarily. “A husband is not to confine. A husband is to free. That’s what I said when we got married.”

You gazed at him stunningly, your chest warm where your heart beat.

“I am giving you choices, my Lady,” he continued. “Both because I love and believe you. And also because I am a fool, but I still have my judgment and priorities. Whatever your plan is, all I ask is for you to be careful. If you’re not, I will be. I would already burn the world down for you alone, but now you’re carrying my child. I’ll be as violent as I should.”

Even the conflict between the two of you tasted sweet now.

Jaehyun gave you his hand for you to jump on your horse. You traveled side by side, only stopping for water and a bit of shadow under an apple tree.

Jungwoo’s land was different from everything you had seen so far, filled with a huge diversity of expressions: museums, open antique fairs, circuses and amusement parks; theaters, brothels and taverns so full they seemed like anthills. Every inch of the floor was covered with wine, spit, piss and cum. Not even the weather could decide, as the hottest sun fought against windy storms, causing an enormous rainbow to light up the sky.

The Lord of Inconvenience was already waiting for your arrival, sitting on a throne in his manor, so loud and disorganized as his realm itself, with several crooked paintings on the walls, and a mix of patterns and colors that was too much for the eye. The hound sat by his side, her ears turning to the door when you were announced.

She ran to you immediately, long ears up, her tails wiggling and her wet, cold snout smelling your tummy.

“Brother, sister!” Jungwoo clapped excitedly. Whoever put their eyes on him would never say he was responsible for the trickiest of tricks: the lovely innocence on his face combined to his excellent manners could easily deceive anyone. “You’re twenty minutes late!” he whined.

“Sorry for the inconvenience,” Jaehyun politely stated, making Jungwoo laugh.

“I guess you’re here for your death,” he hummed, indicating the hound with his chin. “Well, there she is. She’s yours.”

You lifted your face, your white cape falling down your shoulders.

“The hound is here indeed, but the rest isn’t,” you observed. The duck, the egg and the needle were missing. You had spent too much time with the hound to know every inch of her.

Jungwoo’s eyes glimmered with adrenaline.

“I genuinely expected to fool you,” he pouted again. “Don’t take it personally, sister. It’s my nature.”

Years ago, you would have blamed him. But now, all you could do was to accept that life had its own ways of expression. Jaehyun had quite an imagination, and you loved him whole: the good and the bad creations equally.

“I can forgive you if you show me where the rest is,” you calmly argumented.

Jungwoo tapped his lower lip with his finger in thought, considering.

“But that would end the fun, wouldn’t it?” he relaxed back on his throne, patting the pad of his bare feet against the ground. “Ah, whatever, you might find out soon!” he leaned over again, putting his hand secretly at the side of his mouth. “It is with Yuta.”

“Yuta?” Jaehyun repeated.

You sensed the Lord of Death as he walked the manor’s hall, his straightforward presence spreading over the room like fire in the forest.

It made sense. Only Death would know how to separate the hound from the rest.

“I told you she was going to know, brother,” he said to Jungwoo. “Now, you owe me some of your citizens.”

Jungwoo rolled his eyes.

Gods.

“What do you want with Jaehyun’s death?” you asked, even though you already knew the answer.

“War,” Yuta was as sincere as he could be. “You had your fair share of peace, and it was dull. Now it is time for some fun.”

“Fun?” you frowned. “Do you still think like that? I see you’re still selfish.”

“Oh, but I am not,” Yuta retorted. “I embrace the ones in pain. I serve glory for young women and men who are nothing, and die defending their countries. I provide a long, endless sleep for the ones who decide life isn’t worth it. I am not the bad guy, Y/N. In fact, we are pretty equal sometimes.”

You did not disagree.

Silence was made before Yuta spoke again. “I have a proposal for you, my Lady. Let’s share the world. Pick up the countries you want and make them peaceful before Life and I carve war their way, then restore the ones we have just ravished.”

“It is fair, sister,” Jungwoo agreed, even if his opinion was not required.

You only glared at them, looking less like a peacemaker and more like a pregnant woman with boiling hormones.

“Come on, that will even please your husband,” Yuta argumented. “Admit it, brother. You miss a good fight, don’t you?”

The sound of Jaehyun’s throat swallowing was like a low agreement.

“War is in my nature too,” Jaehyun admitted, turning his gaze to you, “but I am more than the Lord of Life now. I am her husband.”

I am as cruel and demanding as a god can be, but for you, and only you, I will be your faithful husband.

Both the Lords breathed in frustration. There was little your magic could do now, as nature was superior to influence, instincts spoke louder than wishing. You tried analyzing the options coldly: at every diplomatic suggestion your mind came with, there was a counterpoint.

You could not protect the world only. Now, you had to protect your child too.

“What if I tell you I can’t accept your offer?” you asked, chin firmly up. “What if I tell you to return Koschei’s death to me, and accept the way life is now? That I won’t surrender to tricks and violence?”

“Then,” Yuta breathed, “I will tell you that there are two lovely apprentices playing in the garden in Buyan. Two lovely old souls, trapped in children’s bodies, that I will love to bring to my realm.”

Oh, to be vulnerable.

It hurt so fucking much.

“If we share the world, I want Jaehyun’s death back,” you offered. The sacrifice of many instead of the sacrifice of the few you held dear in your heart.

It was the way of the world.

“Let’s share it. You’ll have the hen, and I will have the egg with the needle in it.”

“I want his death back entirely,” you made yourself clearer now.

Yuta blinked, impervious.

Jaehyun stepped forward. “Brother, my death is mine to give.”

“It is death, and death belongs to me.”

“As your life belongs to me,” Jaehyun hardened his tone. “We will fight again as you’d like, but my death shall not submit to you. I am deathless.”

Yuta, impatient, quick, and sudden, made his final requirement known: “I will give it back to you only if we can fight. Let’s start today.”

You boiled like water in a pan.

When you walked out of Jungwoo’s manor, you and Jaehyun looked at each other knowing a blank space was approaching, one that too quickly assaulted your way back home. The shadows of Death chased you to Buyan. Thankfully, you came back safe. Thankfully, Mark, Vasilisa were all alive when you did. Baba Yaga was already there.

-

“What will you call her?” the Lady of Luck asked.

“Who?” you breathed, with battlefield dust on your face. You were at the manor after a long battle that left you covered in smoke, and with slight cuts on your knuckles. Since it was Jaehyun’s turn to command the army, he stood to realign the strategy, and you came back to rest before you were needed again.

“Your daughter.”

Buyan’s night sky shone in brutal shades of red and gray, as it did when you first arrived. All wars had the same color, hysterical, uncontrollable and passionate. That did not change.

“How do you know it is a girl?”

“Papa Koschei has been lucky. He had always wanted a little girl.”

“It feels so wrong… Thinking about a baby name in the middle of the war.”

“Maybe you need some help sharing your attention between battling and being pregnant,” the old woman cooed. “Even Jaehyun is thinking more about your child than about war strategies.”

“That’s why we are losing,” you concluded, petting the hound’s head gently. Ever since you returned, she did not leave your side for a moment, twice as a protector now that you were pregnant. You even gave her a name. Ravan.

“Wars are not for winning or losing, child. They are for surviving.”

Whatever wars served for, Jaehyun and you were losing. The hiatus carved by your peace was now dirty with the blood Death was so thirsty for, and for the first time Yuta did not battle alone. Inconvenience, Revenge, Justice… They all faced Life with their teeth and nails, claiming the realms with the intemperance of the world’s setting. With Baba Yaga on your side, you were luckier, but luckier did not mean invincible. Mostly, it meant alive.

“Will it always be like that, granny?” you asked lowly. So low Baba Yaga almost didn’t hear you.

“It will.”

Your eyes weighed like a dozen ships when you closed them. Your mouth was so dry it hurt when you spoke. “I think… I think I am getting used to it.”

Naturally, you adapted, discovering how peace fit best in war. How the puzzles came together. You could not keep the soldiers from battling, and much less negotiate with the Lords — your husband included — that thrived as blood flooded the earth. But with you on the battlefields, death and despair felt easier. You soothed the helpless souls, numbing their minds, anesthetizing their bodies and closing their eyes as the limbs of Death cradled their destinies.

It was your fighting style. Meanwhile, the others used real weapons, they aimed and shot straight, in the endless battle between Life and Death.

“Your priorities are changing,” Baba Yaga noted cleverly. “I was young and revolutionary once. Then, I had kids. Then, I got old. Aging makes you smarter, child. You learn that you can not control everything.”

“Oh, there are many things I can’t control,” you chuckled bitterly, placing a hand on your belly. Your child had just started kicking, her moves excited and strong, filled with vitality. “I pity men, granny. I pity women. I mostly pity the children. All I wish is to offer them a little calmness.”

“No one blames you for that. Not even Death.” Baba Yaga got up and, at the rarest of occurrences, placed a motherly kiss on your forehead. “You fought bravely. Now it is your time to flow with the world’s contradictions. Help those you can, but feel more for you and less for others. She needs you, m’Lady.”

You took a breath so long your lungs wouldn’t fit it in, letting it go as if you were also allowing your shoulders to carry no weight at all.

When Baba Yaga turned to leave the room, you hummed. “Nina. We will call her Nina.”

-

“My opinion on war, my child?” Granny Isobel pulled the pipe away from her mouth. “That’s no good thing. No good thing,” she shook her head, face hidden by the quality of the thick, undeniable smoke. “But God, our Good Lord, allowed it. I am not saying that it is acceptable because God made it, but… But people like me can only help in a few ways. I welcome the hurt spirits. Sometimes they still feel the bullet in their eye, the lack of a leg or a thumb, and wonder where their friends are. I think it is no good, child. But there is nothing I can do, because my power is of another kind.”

-

When Jaehyun arrived at the manor, his armor was covered in black blood, his face dirty with dust, his knuckles raw from punching. By the marks of war he carried, and with how often you fought together, you guessed every punch, hit, cut and blow thrown his way, that he defended with his sword. He looked paler under all the mud, a deep tiredness imprinted in his features with the black holes under his eyes.

Without a word, you took him to your room, where you helped him out of the armor. The bathtub had water so hot in it the steam drew random curls in the air, but you did not complain, silently pressed to each other, praying for some magic that would remove the tiredness off of you.

The war was going badly. But when was it not?

“You’re doing so good, my love,” your husband managed to murmur, caressing your round belly with the same hands he used to strangle the shadows. “Bearing our child so well…”

“Just like she’s bearing me.” You rested the back of your head on his shoulder. “I think I get it now. Life is at its highest when it is the closest to death. You like the war, for it is where you feel more like yourself.”

Jaehyun could never lie to you. “I do. Don’t you now, too, just a little?”

You shook your head with a tired grin. “I feel needed. Necessary. I still prefer the calm and the quiet, though. I will fight for peace when my time comes again.”

“I will be right by your side when you do” he hummed in your ear, accepting and open. “I hope it takes a few years, though.”

“Inconvenience is a tough, irritating thing. We can’t have any hope.”

Jaehyun tasted the words in his mouth. His hands roamed on your stomach, down your navel. “What if we could?” He sounded like a new idea flourishing.

“It’s too early to give her an occupation,” you protested reasonably, reaching up to caress his face. “Let her choose, when she’s grown enough: Lady of Hope, of Faith, of Nothing… First, Nina will only be our baby.”

He agreed with a kiss on your shoulder. Taking her part into the conversation, Nina kicked right where his hand was.

“Ouch,” Jaehyun chuckled, enamored as he was whenever his daughter interacted with him, making her presence as loud as her will. “I already agreed with mama, you don’t have to kick me that hard…”

Savoring the moment, you nested closer to him. Through the window, the gust of wind carried the red aroma of blood and rain. “Jae, what did you do with your death?”

Already expecting your question, Jaehyun smiled. “I’ll show you where I hid it.”

-

I made this for you, wife. It is yours to run away whenever you want. I created this land from scratch. The Realm of Peace, where we can reside. Since I know you like company, I allowed others to come inside: children, florists, teachers, the butcher and his wife, and the servants — which we know are not servants only, but souls as complete as ours. You and I are the only ones who can allow them inside, but the final word is yours to give.

Open your eyes, look at it.

Do you like it, wife? The greenest sunflower fields, the deepest, shadowy forests that smell like oak and ambunara trees, the clouds dancing in the sky… What about the village? I made it just for you, colorful and thriving up the cobblestone streets, with temples, churches, libraries, bars and a playground for the children. It is safe and hidden, as you can see.

I keep my death here too, but it is not born yet. You understand, right, wife? Where I hid it.

You’re carrying her on your belly. Nina is my death now, because in both you and her, I feel the most alive.

I remain deathless because my death can only be reached here, and you’re the one with the key. A knife in my chest won’t kill me anywhere else. We are only vulnerable here, wife, where you crafted your peace, your nature.

I created your death, and Nina’s, and I hid them too. Here. Where no one else can reach us. Where even the cobblestones breathe peacefully.

i just fell to my knees and starting sobbing.

this was unbelievably poignant and sublime. your writing is actually amazing like i’m trying to think of things to say but i’m genuinely in shock. when i said that we would be eating good when this dropped, i fear it was an epiphany because this is one of the best jaehyun fics i’ve read

thank you so much for this

also i have another account name Jenohyun so if you see a blog reposting your pieces that’s me 🙂‍↔️

die with a smile

༯ pairing: soloist!jaehyun x fem!reader

༯ tags/warnings: angst, fluff, smut!, protected sex (reader is on pill), multiple positions & orgasms, kissing/making out, nipple/breast play, oral (f&m receiving), spanking, marking, hair pulling, name calling (good girl), pet names (my love, darling, baby), memory loss, minor drinking, cursing, stranger-to-lovers-to-strangers, car accident/crash, indication of blood, hidden relationship

༯ w.c: 14.3k!

༯ a.n: hi! i’m backs woohoo. this one came to me through hearing bruno mars & lady gaga’s new song “die with a smile” & with the great help of one of my mutals we made it possible! i’m not gonna lie this one was hard because i felt like in order to make it sad enough i had to put myself in that position. nonetheless i hope u all enjoy this one, probably one of my favorite writes. thank u for too for the continuous love and support, i love u all, take care, and stay safe! jiji out 🤍

༯ taglist! @dokyriu 🤍

you hummed the song playing overhead the store speakers as you stood behind the counter, waiting. for the most part, the store was empty, only garnering around 10 people since opening time. you quickly grew bored again, deciding to walk around the store. you fixed some records that were outta place, organized the booth where customers could listen to the records— heck you even swept the place. as you swept the door chimed, a customer. “hello! welcome, please feel free to browse around,” you put on your best employee voice and smile. the individual however didn’t respond, in fact he looked rather suspicious.

he was a tall man, with a black hoodie, face mask, cap, baggy jeans, and some—unusual–shoes. your eyes lingered on him a while longer while he sported straight to the indie records. however your curiosity soon died down, when you remembered you were still on the job.

as you went back to the register, you noticed the man walking towards you. he had a record in hand, you couldn’t make it out just yet until he stood just a couple inches apart. “would this be all?” you asked as he handed you the record.

cigarettes after sex, x’s

before he could even respond you bursted out in excitement. “wow! no way, you’re a fan too!?” if there was one thing about you, it was that you not only adored music in general, but a big fan of cigarettes after sex and their songs.

you kept looking at the man, watching as he brought his mask down. “yeah, i take it you’re one as well by the looks of it,” he says. you’re amazed, with his mask down you notice how attractive the once suspicious man was. not to mention his voice, it was a sweet melody of its own.

you nod shyly, “i’ve been a fan since like, ever.” a small smile touches his lips, “that’s impressive,” he says before taking a brief pause. you noticed as he observed you before asking, “you got any other recommendations?”

before you knew it, you quickly lost yourself in his question and the ones that followed. there wasn’t anything you loved more but to express your love for music, i mean after all this job was the whole reason you applied for it. being in a record store meant being surrounded by music, by your love and admiration. and if there was one thing you learned during your conversation with the man in front of you, it was that you two surprisingly had a lot in common. there were no words to explain how you felt, but you felt drawn to him. looking at it, you probably shouldn’t i mean you still didn’t even know his name!

a laugh came out of him as you blabbered about some crazy experience you had while attending a concert, until a phone started ringing. his phone. he reached for it from his back pocket where he excused himself to answer it.

you rang up his record, waiting for him to return so he could pay. when he did, he apologized for taking up so much of your time. “i-it’s alright, i was in need of a distraction,” you say as you look around the store. “it gets quite lonely here sometimes.”

he takes out a card from his wallet, tapping it on the card reader and when it reads it through, you hand him his record. “i had fun talking, i hope you have a gr-” you had started to bid him goodbye when he interrupted you.

“my names jaehyun. uhm, and if it’s alright can we- can we meet up again sometime?” he asks, noting as his ears turned red. how cute, you thought. also thinking how this was only supposed to be a one-time interaction. however you mind was already set even before you could tell what he was trying to say.

“of course, how about i give you my number so we can keep in touch?” you then proceed to ask. jaehyun nods his head, retrieving his phone and then handing it to you. he looks at you as you typed your number onto his phone, writing your name in the contact.

“my names y/n, y/l/n by the way. i’ll look forward to your call, or message.” jaehyun smiled, putting his phone away and grabbing the record. “i’ll see you then, y/n.”

your heart skipped, at either hearing him say your name or at his dimpled-smile he gave you as he walked out of the store. your eyes lingering on him as he disappeared.

“jaehyun,” you mumble to yourself. his name sounds a bit familiar, but no matter how long you searched you’d neve be able to find out why.

and when you finished your shift, grabbing your stuff from the employee lockers, you looked at your phone. one particular notification capturing you attention, and making your heart skip another beat.

unknown: how does this weekend sound?

you smiled, remembering him again. his smile, his voice, his everything. quickly saving his number, you then replied.

you: it sounds perfect

you: guess i’ll see you this weekend, jaehyun :)

walking out of the store and to your home, you couldn’t help but recount your interaction with him, smiling like a child. oblivious to the change that was about to come into your life.

you sighed, tossing another piece of clothing onto your bed. jaehyun was supposed to come pick you up in a couple of hours and you still couldn’t decide what to wear. you didn’t even know where he was taking you, he refused to tell you. this makes picking out an outfit for a date- wait a moment… was it a date?

you paused to think. he never explicitly said it was, you just sort of assumed it was. oh great… what if this wasn’t even a date and you’re over here trying to dress to the nines.

“ah fuck it,” you curse as you just grab an outfit you’d previously tossed onto your bed. i mean this would be fine right? it wasn’t a date, just two acquaintances meeting up to spark some friendship?

as you did your finishing touches, you glance over at your phone which had just begun to ring. you looked at the caller id, a smile plastered on your face.

“hello?” you hear the deep-dreamy–voice that you couldn’t get out of your head, on the other line.

a beat passes before you realize you have yet to answer. “h-hi!” you stumbled on your words and voice slightly too loud. though you couldn’t see it, your face felt hot with embarrassment.

on the other line a slight chuckle erupts from their throat. “everything alright? you’re not gonna cancel on me are you?” he asks.

“y-yes, sorry about that… just nervous,” you mutter the last words. “that’s a relief then since i’m already outside your home,” he responds.

you felt yourself slightly freeze. jaehyun was outside your home, like right now. when the thought registers in your mind, you quickly fumble, grabbing everything you needed before heading out.

“i’m going out right now,” you say, voice slightly panting at the speed you’re going. something within you didn’t even want to spend a second apart from him, a part of you needed to be in his company again. you couldn’t explain these indescribable feelings, however they didn’t bother you either.

as you make your way outside, you notice a black car parked in front of your home. soon after jaehyun comes out in all his glory. unlike the first time you saw him, he wore a white long-sleeved shirt, green cargo pants, and black shoes. nothing suspicious to the man.

“hey,” he says smiling so hard his dimples pop out. really, really cute, you thought. you fidget your hands before responding with a simple, “hi.”

the atmosphere felt a little awkward, but not uncomfortable. in a way it truly seemed like a date of a newly formed couple. however you squashed such thoughts; it’s not a date and you’re not a couple, you repeated in your head.

“shall we?” jaehyun asks, opening the passenger door. you nod before heading inside. after shutting the door, he makes his way to the driver’s side and begins to drive. plus points for being quite the gentleman, you thought.

the car was silent throughout the ride. in truth, this silence was killing you so you decided to speak up. “you’re not taking me to some place to murder me right?” you light-heartedly joked. you’d hoped it really is just a joke. jaehyun sighed, “you caught me.” you smiled, “well ain’t that too bad, you’ll have to postpone it for another day.”

“are you saying you’ll say yes if i ask to take you out again?” jaehyun says. it was a good thing you had your face to the window because you could’ve sworn your cheeks were pink.

“depends on how today will go,” you respond later. “speaking of which, you still won’t tell me where we’re going right?” you ask, finally gaining the courage to glance at him. to your surprise his eyes were already on yours. that darn red light, you cursed inside your head. a small smile appears on his face, “hm, nope.” he pops the word out as if to tease you.

“you’ll find out soon either way, we’re almost there,” he says, hitting the road again when the light turns green. the chatter between you two doesn’t die down, talking about just anything in the time it takes to arrive at the mysterious location.

looking out you recognized where this was. “a m-movie theater?” you questioned. i mean there was nothing wrong with it but it was definitely not at the top of your list of potential spots.

“i hope you like movies,” he says, unbuckling his seatbelt as he gets ready to get out of the car. following suit, you unbuckle your seatbelt and head out. the theater was quite empty as there weren’t many cars parked. when the two of your began walking you spoke up, “what movie are we watching?”

he faintly smiles, “it’s a surprise.” god, him and his surprises. “you know i think i might be the one to murder you first,” you say, earning you a genuine laugh out of the man. a smile touches your own face at the sound of his laughter, your heart too feeling warm.

you follow him, side-by-side, as you two enter the theater. you watched as jaehyun whips his phone out to present the tickets to the employee up front. when you two made it through he stops to ask, “want anything?” you ponder for a minute, “i guess some popcorn and a drink would be nice.” jaehyun nods before heading off to get the things you asked for. in the meantime, you fished out your wallet.

when he came back with one popcorn, two drinks, and some candy in hand you asked, “how much was it?” you’re not sure if he didn’t hear you or he chose to ignore you, but he began walking to the direction of the theater where the movie was going to be shown.

when you attempt to help him with the drinks, your fingers graze his. in just that small contact you could still feel the burning warmth of him spread throughout you. and of course being the gentleman he was he opened the theater door for you. “t-thank you,” you shyly thanked jaehyun as you stepped into the theater. you briefly waited for him to go inside before you followed him to your seats. located smack dab in the middle was how you found yourself. however curiosity still returned to you, what movie could th- wait, wait, wait.

you glance at jaehyun, only one popcorn. one popcorn and two people. oh god... “u-um, i-is that for the two of us to share?” you asked, hoping it doesn’t rub off the wrong way. “y-yeah, is that alright? i figured this would be most convenient,” jaehyun responded, you noted the slight stumble at the beginning. jaehyun has never once stumbled on his words.

you sink into your seat, god this was making it harder to not think it’s not a date. fortunately, you didn’t have any more time to worry about things as the movie soon started.

a tragic romance.

beautiful was an understatement for the film. you balled your eyes nearly the whole film. two lovers, madly in love until one dies. it might’ve seemed cliche but it was so beautifully written and executed that none of that mattered.

“wherever you go, that’s where i’ll follow.”

the last line the female lead mutters as she places a singular white flower on her lover's grave.

when the ending credits roll around and the lights turn on you suddenly remember you weren’t alone, jaehyun. you whip your head to your side, there he was. he turns his head a moment later. “i’m guessing you enjoyed it by the tears on your face.”

fuck, you forgot to wipe my tears away. you quickly get up from your seat, wiping the tears away talking to jaehyun as he walks behind you. “th-that’s n-not f-fair,” you stuttered on your words as the crying made you unable to talk. “what’s not fair?” he says in a playful tone. “t-taking me to watch a sad romance movie!” you slightly raise your voice as you turn around to face the man who caused these tears.

however your breath was caught. jaehyun only stood a few inches away from you. your eyes widened, face feeling hotter as he inches just a bit closer. you stood there frozen as jaehyun leaned down to your ear. “if i apologize, will you still agree to see me again?” he whispers. jaehyun’s hot breath burning your ear. you could’ve sworn your hearts thumping could be heard throughout the theater.

“we-well th-that’s not- you don’t need to do that… i was just kidding,” you say, your last words sounding more breathless. why, why, why… why were you feeling this way, feeling this way about jaehyun nonetheless?

“that’s a relief then,” jaehyun responds, moving from his spot in front of you to walk outside the movie theater. you stood there for a moment or two later before you rushed to his side again. the burn in your ear neverending.

on the ride back home the car was silent. you were too afraid to speak up, trying to gather your feelings. and before you knew it, you both were outside your home. yet before you could open the door to get out, jaehyun stops you with a call to your name. you turn around, eyes on his. “y-yes?” fuck, the constant stuttering was starting to piss you off. “so what’s your answer, will you go on another date with me?” he asks, so smoothly and calmly it shocks you.

d-date!? wait, so this actually was a date… “uh, uhm, this was a date?” you stupidly asked. jaehyun nods his head, “yes, at least that’s what i thought.”

“i- i tried telling myself it wasn’t…” you admit. “ah, it seems i should’ve made it clear. y/n, i asked you out on a date and i hope you would be open to going on another one with me,” he says so kindly it melts your heart.

god, you’re a fool for him. god, you li…

“i will, i’ll go on as many dates with you until you get tired,” you replied. jaehyun’s dimples popped out when he smiled widely, “you’ll probably be the one who gets tired of me first.” you too are smiling, “well then i hope neither of us ends up tired.”

“i hope so too,” jaehyun says, noting as he brings his hand to the back of your head. with his thumb he caresses your cheek, smiling at you so sweet like a lover does to their most beloved. it stayed like that for a good while before you snapped out of it. he wasn’t your lover… not yet.

“well then, i’ll see you next time. i’ll look forward to where you’ll take me next, just make sure i don’t cry again,” you start bidding him farewell. he retracts his arm, “i’ll keep that in mind. take care y/n,” jaehyun says.

opening the door you get out of the car, but before you leave you decide to give jaehyun a final farewell. “the date was actually really beautiful, i enjoyed it a lot. well then, drive back safely jaehyun,” you said smiling when you see his surprised face. you shut the door however, not letting him get a word in.

walking to the apartment complex’s door, you’re about to open it when you decide to take one final look. jaehyun’s car, unmoved. a small smile taints your face when you use one arm to wave goodbye. you were sure he must’ve seen, though you wished you would’ve seen his reaction.

on the way to your apartment, thoughts of jaehyun and your date today wouldn’t go away. it was the only thing you could think about and the only thing you could look forward to. you missed jaehyun already. it was thoughts like this and others that you finally were able to confirm.

you like jaehyun. The same man you met just a few days ago. no, you’ve been liking him since that day. you weren’t one to believe in that cliche, love-at-first-sight, but that day everything changed. jaehyun was able to do that, bringing you change.

every skip of your heart, every smile, laugh, tear, stutter; everything was a clear indication of your feelings towards jaehyun. and now that you’ve discovered this, you wanted more. you wanted to make jaehyun fall in love with you as well. it doesn’t matter how many dates you’ll have to go on, as long as he’s by your side that’s all that matters.

jaehyun, the man you like- no, love.

it took about a little over a month for you to quickly regret ever liking jaehyun, much less loving the man. thus you’ve spent the day ignoring his calls and messages, your upset and furry being in control for the day.

this all happened yesterday when he took you to the aquarium. there was nothing unusual about this date, well minus the part where he wore a mask and a cap. that was actually the first red flag.

the date was going good, great, superb. however when you were coming back from using the restroom you noticed two girls surrounding jaehyun. you watched as they excitedly talked to the man you were in the middle of date with. from the looks of it they were taking pictures with him before asking for his autograph. ok, red flag two.

a bit more chatter later before they excused themselves, noting the way jaehyun quickly brings up his mask and lowers his cap a little lower. this was your cue to go to him. though when you arrived he acted like nothing had just happened. ok… red flag 3?

fortunately, but unfortunately, the date continued as normal. the two of you exploring the aquarium, looking at the various species of fishes, going under the water bridge, touching stingray, everything.

you even thought maybe he would’ve brought something up on the car ride, but no, nothing. it wasn’t until after you finally reached your home that you decided to take matters into your own hands.

it truly was fascinating just how handy, dandy the internet was. a quick search to the name, jaehyun, and you were presented with just about every fact about the man you’d been seeing.

his name is jeong jaehyun, the same man you love, a celebrity. not just any, a soloist whose album had just come out a month prior to your first meeting with him. the more you scrolled, the more baffled you became because you had to find out his birthday, age, and everything else through the goddamn internet. not through jaehyun, the thought made you sad.

were you not trustworthy? why would he keep such a secret for you so long? was it intentional, or not?

you realized just how different you’re lives were. you a record store employee, he a global star who everyone had their eyes on. it was surprising how no one had discovered the two of you until now. heck, you didn’t even know either. then it clicked, you remembered why his name sounded so familiar. you recounted how some girls just a couple days before your meeting with him were mentioning his name, jaehyun.

and as you laid in bed last night, you couldn’t stop your brain from wandering, presenting various scenarios. what are you gonna do now? continue whatever you two had? end things?

you felt your heart ache a little, since a part deep down inside you didn’t want that. you selfishly still desired the man the world watched, you selfishly loved the man, the star they called jeong jaehyun.

as you continued recounting the events of last night, your doorbell rang. you got up, you weren’t really expecting anyone. however you still went to open it, only to be met with the one person you didn’t want to see.

as you tried shutting the door, you heard his hand bang against the door, stopping it from closing. this man is strong, you thought. succeeding in opening the door again, jaehyun steps in. the more he stepped in, the more steps you took back. neither of you said a word to each other until you almost stumbled. jaehyun quickly reaches for you, stopping you from falling.

what was this? a k-drama? you thought, shooing his arm that was around your waist away. you refused to talk first, so jaehyun did. “is everything alright? you weren’t answering my calls or texts so i thought i’d come over to check if you were still alive,” he says looking straight at you.

you decided it was best to be frank with him, no need to beat around the bush. “i don't know jeong jaehyun, you tell me.”

you note his eyes widen, his lips slightly parting when you said his name. “i- wh- jeong jaehyun?” he says as he stumbles on his words. you roll your eyes, was he really acting dumb right now, you thought.

“yes! you, jeong jaehyun! mr. singer!” you say, practically yelling everything. his mouth opens as if to say something before he shuts it back up again. this was infuriating you, he was infuriating you.

“h- how did you find out?” he decides to ask. “yesterday,” you replied, followed by the recounting of events you saw at aquarium.

“i- i see,” he just says as he turns his head to the floor. “were you planning to keep this from me?” you ask, biting on your lip.

he looks back up, “n-no! no- that wasn’t what i was trying to do.” he gets closer, and when you don’t move back he continues. “that was never my intention, i was going to tell you… though i never found the right opportunity to.”

his face turned soft, almost as if he were pleading with you to believe him. “it’s the truth y/n… please believe me. you know i would never lie to you, you know how hard i’ve been trying to get to know you, to spend time with you.”

“i- i believe you jaehyun but,” you start to say before you pause to find the right words. “you’re a star jaehyun, you and i both know this will not work out. i don’t want to ruin your reputation, your dream you’ve worked so hard to reach.” you felt your eyes begin to blur but you push the tears back. not right now, not in front of him, you thought.

he takes his hands and places them on your cheeks. “n- no y/n, my love… this is why i didn’t want to tell you, i didn’t want this. i didn’t want you like this, i could care less what the world would think about us. all that would matter in the end are my feelings for y-” he stops himself.

my love? my feeling for…? no, you’re lying. this has to be a dream right?

“fuck,” he curses lowly, taking one hand to rub his face. “pretend you didn’t hear that last part, i don’t want to tell you that to you just yet. could you wait a little longer for that?”

you slowly nod your head, “are you sure things would work out? between us?” you question, needing more reassurance before it’s too late to go back. jaehyun looks at you, taking your body into his. he wraps his arms around you, you fit perfectly around him. both of you feeling pleasant with each other's bodies, so warm, so perfect.

“it’ll be more than alright, i’ll make sure of it,” jaehyun says in a tone so reassuring that your worries are instantly washed away in an instant, long forgotten.

you two stay like that for a while, the time seeming to slow down. it was just so warm and comfortable that neither of you wanted to pull away. it was like you two were engulfed in your own worlds. that was until a phone started ringing, causing the warmth to leave you both. jaehyun let’s go of you, just clinging onto your hand as he reaches for his phone.

“it’s my manager,” he whispers. “yo-you should answer it then, i’ll go sit down,” you say but he tells you, it’s fine. you hear a male on the other line, and you were only able to hear him because of how loud he was screaming into jaehyun’s ear. from the looks of it, it seems he was scolding jaehyun for not being at his home so he could pick him up for a schedule.

you glance at jaehyun, the man drove all the way to see you despite having such a busy schedule. the action warmed your heart. you unconsciously, but consciously inched forward, tippy-toeing and placing a kiss on his cheek. the sudden action causing jaehyun to freeze mid-sentence.

“i-i’ll be there soon, bye,” he says, not bothering to wait for his manager to respond before he hangs up. “w-what was that for?” he asks, touching the place where your lips touched. you suddenly felt your face getting warm with embarrassment.

and when you didn’t say anything, jaehyun just smiled, this time he inched towards you. you close your eyes, only to feel his lips touch your forehead. you flutter them open, bringing your hand to touch where his lips touched. however before you could say anything, he started walking to your door.

“our next date, friday. i’ll see you then,” he says, leaving before you could even bid him goodbye. and when the door shuts, your legs give in, falling to the floor. you kissed him, he kissed you. oh god, this has to be a dream!

now than ever before you were wishing a day came sooner. friday. the day your dreams and wishes came true.

friday. the long awaited day. you stood outside your apartment complex, waiting for his car to arrive. this time you were the early one.

you were just too excited for today, too nervous to fall asleep last night. as you thought of the possibilities of today, you notice his car pulling up. a smile spreads across your face.

you begin walking as jaehyun gets out of his car. “you’re early,” jaehyun comments. “and you’re late,” you replied back even though there were still a couple minutes left until your official meet up time.

jaehyun smiles, as his eyes begin to wander your body. noting the way his eyes looked at you, up and down, down and up. and noting the way his tongue darts out to lick his lips, like a predator looking down on its prey.

“you look gorgeous today,” he comments when his lustful state leaves him. unlike the other dates, you dressed fancier as jaehyun recommended you to. so you’re wearing a long white, spaghetti strap silk dress. your heels hidden underneath. not to mention your make-up and hair were also top notch today.

“thank you,” you shyly said, pink adorning your cheeks. “you look handsome as well.” on the other hand, jaehyun abandoned the baggy jeans for some black dress pants and a designer top. his outfit eliciting obscene thoughts to run through your head. god, what if you were the predator…

“thank you, are you ready to go now? i don’t know how much longer i could wait,” he says as he holds your hand to drag you to the passenger seat of his car. “well, i can’t wait either,” you reply, smiling as you sit down.

as he begins to drive, you, like you’ve always done, ask him where he was taking you. however just like the first date, he is insistent on keeping it a surprise, and you know he won’t budge one bit. changing the topic, you ask jaehyun on how his week has gone. in which he talks about a photoshoot he had the other day for a well-known magazine. “i’ll make sure to buy your magazine,” you tease. “oh god, no, no… they’re not very… friendly,” he says as he tries looking for the right word.

you raise a brow at his comment, inquiring him more but he just tells you, “you’ll see.” before you knew it you’d arrived at the date destination. “where are we?” you ask as you look out the window. you were at a house, a big two-story house.

“my home,” he says, getting out of the car. his home?! you thought. “why are we here?” you ask, taking the hand he offered you. “on a date of course,” jaehyun says enthusiastically. “wh-what do you mean?”

“you’ll see,” jaehyun said, smirking as he began to drag you into his home. you very briefly take a look around his home. the vibe befitting of jaehyun, his home almost feeling like your home. you then crash into a hard wall, causing you to wince. however it wasn’t a wall, it was jaehyun’s back. “s-sorry!” you apologized, you were too distracted looking around his home that you didn’t notice he had come to a halt.

he turns around, no distance separating you two. “close your eyes,” he whispers. you obliged, closing them shut. your ears helped map out what was happening. you hear his footsteps going behind you until you feel his hands on both your shoulders. “i got you,” he whispers into your ear, his hot breath distributing throughout your body. jaehyun helps you walk forward, stopping you and you feel his hands disappear, his footsteps getting further away.

you call him, “j-jaehyun?”

“open your eyes, my love,” you hear him yell.

you begin to open your eyes slowly, your breath stopping as you take in the view in front of you. dimly lit lights scattered around the middle of his yard, with cushions and a small table in the middle with all sorts of foods and beverages. to others it might’ve seemed simple, but to you it meant everything.

you descend the steps until your feet touch the grass. no wonder he asked me to dress nicely, you thought. when you reach jaehyun, he takes your hand to walk you to your seat. you sit down on your cushion, watching as jaehyun walks to his.

“so, do you like it?” jaehyun says, a hint of nervousness evident in his tone. “like it? i love it!” you replied excitedly. jaehyun lets out a relieved sigh, his hand going on top of yours as his thumb caresses it gently. “that’s a relief, i spent all day trying to perfect it,” he says. you smile, “you did an excellent job, jae.”

“j-jae?” he asks. you nod, “you’re nickname, you don’t like it?” “n-no! i do, just caught me by surprise is all,” he continues as he smiles widely. “want something to drink?” he then asks. when you nod he then asks, “would you like some wine, or something else?”

“hmm, i’ll take you up on the wine,” you respond. his hand lets go of yours, to get the wine as he tries to open it and pour it in both glasses. “cheers,” you raise your glass, clinking with jaehyun’s. the taste of the wine was smooth, you liked it.

as you two continued downing the wine, the talk continued. making each other laugh and smile, enjoying each other's company. “are you hungry?” he asks mid-conversation. “a little,” you reply. “i got us some take out from this italian restaurant, i hope you like it,” he says as he serves you the food.

you take a bite of the pasta, moaning in delight. “it’s delicious,” you say, stuffing yourself in more pasta. jaehyun smiles, watching you enjoy yourself with the food. just looking at you made him full. however the noises you were making… that elicited explicit images across his mind. he felt his pants tighten.

“jaehyun?” you call out for him when he seems to zone out. “y-yes,” he says, coughing. “are you not going to eat?” you ask as you note he doesn’t have food on his plate. he shakes his head, “too nervous to eat, help yourself.”

oh and you do, the food being the most delicious italian food you’d ever tried. when no more could be eaten, jaehyun takes your hand again. “can you follow me for a moment,” he asks, almost hesitant and nervous. “yes, of course.”

both of you get up, hand in hand as you follow him. you walk a couple of steps before he stops. turning to face you, he grabs both your hands. now you’re nervous.

“y/n,” he calls your name, softly. “yes, jae?” the anticipation killing you. he squeezes your hands, “i love you.” your heart stops.

“i’ve loved you since the first time we met. and every moment we’ve spent since then has been the greatest gift to my life, you are my greatest gift. there isn’t a moment where i don’t think about you, desire you, love you. it’s gotten to the point where i can’t handle it anymore,” jaehyun confesses.

you’re at a loss of words, speechless at the words coming out of his mouth. your vision blurs, “i-i love you too,” you weakly say as tears begin streaming down your face. he lets go of your hands to bring his to wipe your tears away. his heart melts at the sight, you’re just too beautiful, too perfect for him. how could he ever let you go?

“y/n… wherever you go, that’s where i’ll follow. i’ma love you every night like it’s the last night. if the world was ending, i’d wanna be next to you. and if our time on earth was through, i’d wanna hold you for a while, and die with a smile.”

his words only made you cry all the more. you lunged on him, arms wrapping around him as you cried. he whispers to you so gently, so softly, “my love, will you be my girlfriend?”

you clutched him tighter, “yes! i’ll be your girlfriend, i’ll be your everything and anything. just as you’ve helped me, i want to do the same for you. i love you, i love you jaehyun.”

jaehyun too hugged you tighter, “i love you more, and i promise to protect you from  now on… i’ll shield you from those who hurt you.” he lets go to get ahold of your face, cupping it. “after all my love, you’re the woman i fell for.”

you melt at his words, tippy-toeing on your feet as you wrap your arms around his neck. you didn’t need to think twice before your lips found themselves on his. what was supposed to just be a delicate and gentle kiss evolved into something deeper, intense, and passionate.

jaehyun’s hands held you as if to not let go. his lips molding into yours so perfectly, you’ve never felt this way about a kiss before. however before it could get even more heated, he departs. both of you panting, eyes lustful, hungry.

“let’s go inside,” jaehyun says breathlessly, picking you up so easily. your legs wrapping around his waist as he carried you inside and onto the second floor.

⋆⁺✧˚ · .₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆₊˚ෆ

in a blink of an eye, you’d made it into jaehyun's room and onto his bed with your dress, heels, panties, and bra scattered somewhere inside. you two, too eager, began tearing each other's clothes off, craving for one another.

his hands couldn’t resist your curves, your soft skin. “you’re even more beautiful underneath,” jaehyun comments as he traces random patterns on your stomach. your legs closed, but your cunt needy. “you gonna be a good girl and let me touch you?” he asks in a low, deep voice. his hands coming to your knees, his lips kissing your legs.

“open up for me, my love,” he says as he looks up at you whilst he kisses your leg. this was so hot, you couldn’t resist. you slowly open your legs, your aching cunt coming into full display. you watch as jaehyun’s eyes get darker, something washing over him. he tugs on your thighs, pulling you closer. your breath hitched as you felt his fingers ghost around your pussy, you clenched around nothing.

“p-please,” you whimper, not being able to take this any longer. jaehyun’s eyes landing on you, “please what darling?” he asks as if to test you. “yo-your fingers… please put them… in-inside,” you shyly asked, pleading to feel him finally touch you where you most needed it.

jaehyun smirks, finding you so fucking adorable as you begged him to practically finger-fuck you. he reaches over, smashing his lips onto yours. you tasted so delicious, already becoming so addicted to you. however you had no time to focus on the kiss as you felt his fingers teasingly stroke your pussy. you moan into his mouth when his thumb rubbed on your clit.

his lips leave yours, making their way down. biting, sucking, kissing, and licking all the way from your jaw to the valley of your breast. trailing his lips to one of your tits, he sucks around your nipple, tongue flickering as he bites down. it wasn’t until he marked your tit up before he moved to the other one, repeating his actions. all the while you tried to keep your voice down by biting roughly onto your bottom lip.

“it’s alright darling, let your voice out. there ain’t no one here besides you and me, and you best believe i wanna hear my name coming out of that sweet mouth of yours,” he says before departing from your tit with a pop. satisfied seeing the marks on your tits, he moves his head to where his fingers continue to tease you.

he watches your face twist when his fingers finally enter you. two digits, inside you fitting so snug around your gummy walls. “well would you look at that,” jaehyun groans, taking his fingers out. “look at how wet you are just from some kissing and tit sucking.” you watch him, eyes-on-eyes, as he brings those two fingers to his mouth. he eats your essence off his fingers, groaning in satisfaction at your taste.

“you taste so sweet, so delicious i could eat you all night- no, all my life long.” once he feels he’s gotten every drop of you off his fingers he shoves them back inside you. the sudden intrusion, shocking you that you arch your back. he scissors his fingers inside you, trying to open your tight cunt up but to no use. you still clench around his fingers, the pleasure fulfilling. he reaches you so deep as he fucks his fingers into you, trying to learn and find your pleasure points. you became a map, one he must find his way around in order to find the prized treasure.

“s-so deep!” you yell out when you feel his fingers grasp at your g-spot. he’s got you now, increasing his pace as he continues hitting that spot. your pussy’s squelching noises echoing throughout the room along with your moans. feeling yourself grow closer to coming, your walls clench around his fingers that weren’t stopping their ruthless fucking. adding his other thumb into the mix, he shoved it into your mouth. “suck,” he says roughly and a bit impatiently.

your eyes look at him, as you sucked on his thumb and swirled your tongue around it. a low curse leaves his lips as he takes his thumb out of your mouth to bring it to your clit. using the wet thumb to freely rub against your clit, sometimes bringing his other finger into the mix so he could pinch the bud.

“f-fuck, y-yes! just- just like that j-jae, ye-yes baby~” you moan, the pleasure consuming you, so close to bringing you crumbling down.

“cum on my fingers my love, i know you could do it, i feel you,” jaehyun says, trying to get his words to send you tipping over the edge. and god does it work, you came hard around his hand, arching your back and rolling your eyes til you almost saw white. nonetheless jaehyun didn’t stop, continuing to fuck his fingers in knuckles deep into your pussy. the over-stimulation, erupting smaller orgasms from you.

“s-so good,” you breathlessly say when he finally stops. his fingers coming back to his mouth where he licked his fingers, swirling his tongue around. jaehyun truly couldn’t get enough of the taste of you. “you’re so good,” he says, bringing his lips onto yours again. you can faintly taste yourself on his lips as he kisses you. his tongue, wanting to enter in which you let it. heatedly kissing, you find yourself beginning to grind against his boxers. you feel the hard, thick cock against your wet cunt.

“w-want you,” you say in between the kiss. jaehyun halts, “me or my cock?” you stay quiet, not knowing what to say. “b-both,” you decide on truthfully answering. jaehyun smirks at this response, leaning back and getting off the bed. you sit up, watching the man as he takes his boxers off. your mouth falling slightly open, nearly drooling at the sight.

he was big, girthy, and aching. you note the residue of pre-cum coming out of his red tip. “don’t stare too much, it’ll be yours soon,” jaehyun says as he comes back onto the bed. your breath hitches when he’s only a couple inches away. he slides his cock between your folds, rubbing himself on you, gathering your juices around his cock.

“i forgot to buy condoms, so we’ll just need to do this for now-” jaehyun explains before you interrupt him. “i-it’s fi-fine! i-i’m on the pill,” you say, getting rather shy at the end.

“shit, i swear you're going to be the death of me,” jaehyun says before grabbing onto his cock. his tip almost enters you before he stops, “ready?” you nod, needing him to enter you now. jaehyun slowly pushes his tip inside, feeling as you tightly wrap around him. “re-relax a bit for me baby,” he softly says. however his words didn’t help, you couldn’t relax around his cock so he decided to distract you by kissing you once more. getting so engulfed in the kiss, you don’t worry and start loosening up, allowing his cock to slowly but surely enter you.

when he parts a string of saliva connects both your mouths. jaehyun looks at your cunt which has now swallowed him. “s-so hot, so tight, fuck,” he curses when he sees the bulge in your stomach. reaching to grab your hand so you could feel him. “fe-feel me? right here,” he says. your eyes widened, he was reaching you deep.

“i’m gonna start moving, hold on,” he warns you. you take up on his warning, wrapping your arms around his neck. he plants a kiss on your forehead before he slides out only to then slide back in. it starts off slow, getting adjusted to one another, testing the waters. however, you had other plans.

“f-faster… please jae, fuck me faster~”

this knocks every last bit of jaehyun’s self control, logic, gentleness, and everything sweet out the window. replaced with a rougher, uncontrollable jaehyun. lifting one of your legs over his shoulder, while the other is pressed down against your chest he starts pounding into you. in the way you begged him to, his cock reaching you even deeper than his fingers. you could almost feel yourself close to coming already. you clench tightly around his cock, jaehyun taking this as a signal you were close to coming.

“it’s al–fuck--alright my-my love, cum around my cock. let me feel you whither around me,” he moans as he feels you clench around him when he ruthlessly thrusts into you. the fucking was so intense, your mind became dazed. all you could think about was his cock, the way he looked down at you with those eyes of his.

“ev-ever since i saw you in th-that dress, i’d wanted to bend y-you over and devour you, my love,” jaehyun says. the slapping of his balls against your ass echoing the room, along with the moaning of both of you. he tightens his grip on your thigh, pulling you body closer, deeper. maneuvering his thumb back onto your clit he starts abusing the now swollen bud again, whispering praises. you felt his cock twitch as your orgasm came crashing out of you.

your body shuddering, gasping for air as you were completely spent. his cock still fucking into you, his hands no longer on your legs or clit but on your waist. gripping onto the flesh tightly, fucking your body onto his cock. your voice loud, moaning as he overstimulated you. he leaned down, capturing your lips as his cock twitched before releasing his warmth. your walls painted white, womb filling up with all of him.

thrusting slower into you now before slipping out. your pussy feeling empty, dripping with cum. jaehyun couldn’t get enough of the sight in front of him, he wanted more. he needed you once more, you needed him once more.

“one more round, please my love,” jaehyun grunts. your fucked state, making him hard again. “p-please,” you beg. he groans before taking your body to gently and swiftly flip you around, your stomach against the mattress. “up baby, on your hands and knees,” his low, deep voice commands.

you weakly do as he says, your body is practically like jelly. from behind, jaehyun feels your ass. he fondles it, loving the way it feels. slap. “ah-“ you shout in shock. the harsh slap against your ass, causing you to stumble forward.

“you like that? what a dirty girl,” jaehyun teases, feeling as his cock rubs against your slit again. his hands traveled to your hips, gripping them and slamming himself into your cunt. both of you letting out moans as you felt one another again. “still so tight for me, aren’t i luck?” you muttered back something incoherent, your brain scrambed as he fucks his cock into you faster, harder, intensely. he reached you so beautifully and effortlessly from behind.

you ached for more so you began throwing yourself back against him. jaehyun watches, stopping his thrusting to watch you cutely fuck back onto his cock. he curses himself, feeling his cock twitch, aching for its release.

you were oblivious to him not thrusting into you, finding yourself enthralled by the pleasure you were giving yourself. his cock, was made for you; he was made for you, the two of you made for one another. you continued for a while longer, turning your head behind to look at the man you love. your thrusting comes to a halt when you notice him just looking at you dangerously.

“wh-what?” you ask confused. drool escaping your lips, tears adorned your eyes. he leans in, “my baby so needy she doesn’t notice the show she’s been giving me,” he whispers before departing. his hands coming to slap your ass again on both sides. his action weakening your arms, you flop on the bed, your ass still sticking up. you hear a low, tsk, come out of his mouth before grabbing your arms, bringing them behind you. you’re lifted, he uses your arms to push you onto his cock.

jaehyun’s thrusting starts again, going insane whilst he also uses you to fuck agaisnt him. and with one brutal thrust of his cock inside you, you’re tipped over the edge. your third orgasm of the night exploding over you. you faintly hear jaehyun groan then curse in the background before he comes inside you once more, filling you all the more.

letting go of your arms, you instantly flop onto the bed. you’re spent, utterly fucked out of your mind. your body still trembling after all the aftermath of the mind-blowing sex you’d just had with jaehyun.

jaehyun too, collapsed onto your side. his arms wrapping around your body as he pulls you against him. he turns you to face him. using his hands to move the hairs stuck on your face. “good job baby, you did good,” he praises you. “i’ll clean you up in a bit, my love, just rest for now.” you feel his lips gently place a kiss on your forehead, fluttering your eyes shut. your breath calms, lulled into a deep sleep.

⋆⁺✧˚ · .₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆₊˚ෆ

you feel something hard pressing against your back. the feeling waking you up, the sun shining through the windows. you attempt getting up when you suddenly feel trapped by something heavy. you travel your eyes down to that something, an arm. you're confused for a brief moment before flashbacks of last night flow through your head. your face heating up, your cunt twitching.

in your attempt to lift jaehyun’s arm you feel the man stir behind you. “mmm, stay in bed for a while longer,” you hear him mumble against your ear. he sounded asleep, but his cock was not. his cock stood proudly against both your bodies. you feel his pre-cum wetting your back. this made your pussy ache, growing wetter. fuck. it only morning and you already want to get dicked down.

biting your lip, you hesitate whether or not to wake jaehyun up so he could help fulfill your desire. fuck it, you thought. using all your might, you get out of his embrace. turning him onto his back, you straddle him. the change in position, waking jaehyun up. he almost believes he’s still dreaming.

neither of you say a word, instead you crawl behind, in between his legs as you hold his cock. it felt rock hard in your hands, hot even. “fu-fuck,” jaehyun curses as you start jerking his cock. you watch his expressions carefully, eyes still on him as you lick up the tip. you dart your tongue around his tip, licking up his pre-cum.

your hands gripping the base, as you began taking him in slowly into your mouth. he was so big and girthy that you struggled in getting him fully inside your mouth, trying your hardest to breathe. you let out a moan around his cock when you feel his hand fist your hair. the moan sending pleasure throughout jaehyun’s body. your mouth was just as perfect as your sweet cunt.

you look up, eyes blurry with tears from taking his cock so deep. you kept your eyes on him as you continued bobbing your head, running your tongue along the shaft. his eyes close, throwing his head back. he fists your hair tighter, finding yourself enjoying it. your wet cunt dripping down your thighs. you increased your pace, hands working in tandem with your mouth as you continued bobbing your head. you felt him twitch inside your warm mouth. however, just as you thought you’d have him cum inside your mouth, he pulled your head back with the fisted hair he had around his hand.

you let out a whine, upset at the loss of having him cum inside your mouth. yet before he could say anything you hovered over his cock, rubbing his tip along your wet cunt. grabbing his cock, you begin sinking it inside you. the stretch feeling so good for both parties. neither of you getting accustomed to each other. your mouth falls open when you feel that he’s all inside, eyes wandering to his.

jaehyun was completely lost in the sight in front of him. the way he felt your sweet cunt felt around him was unbelievable. he grasps onto your hips, finger tips digging into your skin. he watches as you lift yourself up before slamming back down into him. jaehyun enjoyed watching his cock disappearing inside you, turning him on all the more.

“f-fuck, just like that,” jaehyun grunts. your hands on his chest, leaning forward as you throw your ass onto his cock, grinding your clit on him to get some stimulation. his hands travel to your ass, digging into the flesh before slapping one of your ass cheeks. then another, slap. slap. slap. the constant slapping of his hands on your ass could be heard around the room.

“keep riding my cock, my love,” jaehyun said, in a low sultry tone. igniting you, you continue. when he feels your pace falter, he helps you out. digging his fingers into your hips to dive you back on his cock. faster, faster; deeper, deeper.

a rough thrust or two later before you’re a trembling mess on top of him as your orgasm hits you. your lips attaching themselves onto his neck, lightly sucking on his skin. jaehyun still hasn't cum yet, spreading your ass as he dives into you roughly. his lips finding yours, moaning into your mouth when he finally came. his cock twitching inside you, making you feel all warm again.

“fuck, what a way to start the morning,” jaehyun says softly, pecking you on your temple. you giggle, “sorry, just can’t seem to get enough of you.” a chuckle erupted from his throat, “neither could i, it’s almost as if we’re made for one another.” to this you nod, resting yourself on his chest.

the two of you spending the day in bed together, not being able to keep your hands off each other. you two only get up to eat and use the bathroom. even showering didn’t stop him from taking you from behind. orgasm after orgasm, the two of you are completely inseparable. loving one another to the fullest.

“i love you so much my love,” jaehyun whispers when you two find yourselves collapsed on his bed again. you gently place a kiss on his lips, i love you so much more jae,” you muttered before falling asleep again in his warm embrace.

it’s been just over a week since you and jaehyun had officially started dating. not a single moment goes by where he doesn’t show his adoration for you, you two completely smitten with one another. he always makes time in his schedule for you, and you too try being considerate. after all, your boyfriend was a star, not just your star, but a world star.

today however was an important day, a day you and jaehyun have been dreading. the day you meet his manager. although jaehyun made sure to come clean to his company about your relationship with him, they insisted his manager meet up with you. jaehyun agreed under the condition he was there as well.

the date was set for today, so now you’re waiting on jaehyun’s couch for the two of them to come bursting in. the other day jaehyun had given you a key to his home so you could come inside whenever you wanted. your leg shook from nervousness, your mind wandering to stupid scenarios like him kicking you to the curb.

however you reassured yourself nothing of the sort was going to happen, after all they hadn’t told jaehyun he was to break-up with you the day he came clean to them. you take a deep breath in when you hear the door open. fuck. your stomach getting nervous, the food you’d aten wanting to make an appearance on jaehyun’s black fur rug.

you stand up just in time as jaehyun and a male besides him come walking in. he was slightly shorter than jaehyun, clad in casual clothes. “h-hello,” you nervously greet, bowing at the man.

“hello ms. l/n,” he greets you back. you're a bit puzzled at how he knew your last name. perhaps jaehyun told them, you thought as you tried shoving the useless thought aside. “no need to be so nervous my love,” jaehyun says, walking to your side. he’s oddly calm, sitting down. his manager takes a seat across from the two of you, you too take a seat besides jaehyun.

“i already said hello, but i have yet to introduce myself properly. hello, i’m jaehyun’s manager, lee dohwa,” his manager finally introduces himself. “nice to meet you mr. lee, i’m y/l/n,” you introduce yourself as well even if he already knew your name. “my girlfriend,” jaehyun adds, both you and his manager glare at him.

mr. lee clears his throat before speaking, “well it’s finally nice to meet you ms. l/n, your name has gone around the company quite a lot as of late.” you tense, growing nervous. “ah, no need to be so nervous. i’m not here to make you guys end things, nor is the company. we’re in understanding of the situation, jaehyun made that clear a few days ago when he told us,” his manager talks. you listen intently, nervousness washing away at the fact they really aren’t going to break you up from jaehyun.

“which led to the company asking jaehyun whether he wanted to go public, but the guy told us it was up to you to decide.” up for me to decide? you thought, turning to face jaehyun who just listened to the conversation. he looks up at you, bringing his hand to caress your cheek. “it’s true baby, it’s your word. if you want to go public, we’ll go public but if you don’t then we won’t,” he assures you. your heart melting at how much he cared for you, treasured you. it was a big decision to make, you thought long and hard about it. you tried finding pros and cons, eventually scrapping those off. you thought it’d be best to listen to what your heart wanted.

“i- i don’t want to go public,” you say with a bit of hesitation. you glance over at jaehyun to see his reaction only to find him smiling and mouthing, good job. “alright,” his manager says before continuing, “if that’s what you want, we’ll respect both your wishes. however you must still try and keep things under wraps and not get caught because then we’ll have no choice but to confirm the rumors.”

you nod, understanding the situation. “and if you ever change your mind, let jaehyun know and we’ll figure something out,” the manager clarifies. “got it, thank you so much mr. lee,” you sincerely thanked the man. he got up from his seat, “well, then since that’s out the way i have to get going.”

“leaving so soon?” you asked, following him as he walks to the door, jaehyun too follows. “yeah, i still gotta go back and report to the company. don’t worry jaehyun’s all yours for the day,” he says. you slightly blush at his comment, knowing what will happen once his manager leaves. as he grabs the doorknob he stops, turning back around. “ah, i almost forgot, could you get me water jaehyun?” he asks. jaehyun sighs, going back into his house to retrieve a water bottle for his manager.

in the meantime his manager takes the opportunity to get your contact information. “figured i’d ask you now that jaehyun isn’t around since i’d doubt he’d let you exchange information with me,” his manager explains as you type in your phone number. you hand him back his phone, “i’ll have you send me your email later too, the company will probably need it.” you nod as jaehyun comes back. he hands him the water bottle before he finally opens the door. mr. lee bids you both a final goodbye before leaving.

you close the door as jaehyun’s arms wrap around your waist. he tenderly kisses an exposed part of your neck. “what do you want to do now?” you ask. you feel him smile against your neck, “i know of a couple ways to spend the rest of the day, maybe even night.” god, this guy was going to drive you even more insane.

and so for the rest of the entire day you spent it with one another entangled, desiring one another. unable to let the other go, the two of you feeling at home.

“our love’s being the only war worth fighting for.”

10 months later.

d-day. the long awaited encore concert, jaehyun’s encore concert. after almost 10 months of touring the world, it’d finally come to an end today. it felt like it was just yesterday when his company announced he’d be touring. not to mention it was almost a month after you two started dating, that he would start his tour. as a consequence, you two refused to leave each other’s embrace, he devoured you whenever he could as he wouldn’t be able to see you for weeks on end. however you still encouraged him whenever you could, time difference being the only thing making things hard. at times it’d resort to the two of you having phone sex, you two truly were unable to live without the other.

nevertheless, whenever he’d be back, he would make time in his schedule to take you out on dates. the two of you putting up quite the disguise of face masks and caps every time. throughout the months you felt the relationship grow stronger with each passing day. you were the happiest you’d ever been and it was all because of jaehyun, your star.

today however finally marked the final of his tour and his manager encouraged you to come and watch again. you were hesitant at first, fearful of being found out. yet he had the genius idea of disguising you as staff. and so now here you were, entering the building with a staff badge hanging around your neck. you perfectly blended in, going unsuspected. mr. lee finds you, greeting you and walking you to where you were going to reside.

a vip lounge.

when you got there you noticed two familiar faces, jaehyun’s parents. you’d met them not too long after you met with his manager. they welcomed you so openly and warmly it almost made you cry. they treated you as if you were their own daughter.

“y/n!” his mother excitedly says your name when she sees you. you call for her too, being embraced into a hug. when you let go you bow to his father who stood beside his wife. “y/n, nice seeing you again,” he greets you. “you as well mr. jeong,” you politely greet.

“y/n,” jaehyun’s manager calls your name behind you, stopping the joyful reunion. “you’ll stay here, pose as staff and guide them backstage when the concert is concluded,” he explains. you nod, understanding the responsibility you now bear. he bids you three a goodbye before quickly exiting. being a manager sure it tuff, you thought.

“how are you!” jaehyun’s mother continues. and as you answer her the two of your converse into some deep conversations. the hour went by quickly while being in the company of his parents since before you knew it the lights turned off, fans screamed and stood up with their phones out, trying to get a glimpse of the star who was about to go onstage.

you watch intently, seeing him, your boyfriend, being lifted up stage. his presence radiating, illuminating, you almost didn’t wanna blink, afraid you’d miss even just a second of him. he starts singing, you hear as his fans sing along and wave their lightsticks. It warmed your heart, you secretly thanked them for supporting your beloved.

it wasn’t your first time seeing jaehyun in a concert, but you still couldn’t get over the fact that the stage seemed like jaehyun’s home. it was a place where he stood out so beautifully, belonged in. he made you so goddamn proud. and as you continued watching the concert, you found yourself singing along, yelling, and crying— you resembled a fangirl. you honestly didn’t mind, after all you were his number one fan.

as the concert was coming to a close, jaehyun was giving his ending ment. he continuously thanked everyone and everything. however that wasn’t what captured your attention, it was what he said last that not only captured yours but the fans attention as well.

“and very soon, i have an announcement to make. i can’t spoil anything yet but just know i hope that you all can continue to support me,” jaehyun said, smiling so wide his dimples were on full display on the screens. to the fans, they might’ve thought it was an announcement of a comeback, but to you, you knew it was something entirely different.

it all happened a couple months ago during one of the times jaehyun had taken you out. you felt the urge to talk to him about this pending thought. “wh-what if we go public?” you abruptly say in the car as he drove you two to his house. he’s stopped at a red light, the perfect opportunity. he glances over at you, his hand squeezing yours. “it’s whatever you want darling, i’ve told you… wherever you go, that’s where i’ll follow,” he reassures you, taking your hand to kiss your knuckles. “i-i want to go public, well not now but maybe soon, perhaps when we make a year,” you say, his eyes tearing away from yours when the light turns to green. “alright my love, we’ll do that,” he replied back, a smile tainting his face.

though you two haven’t talked about it since then, you both know that your two year anniversary is right around the corner. it made you happy knowing he still remembered. he always seemed to know everything, he truly was the perfect man you could’ve ever asked for.

he sings two more songs before the concert officially comes to an end, his tour finalizing. once he’s off that stage, you and his parents hurry backstage as you try avoiding running into any fans. luckily you two made it without a hitch. you find his manager in the halls, waiting for you three. he then guides you to the lounge area where jaehyun later arrives in. he instantly bursts out smiling seeing all his beloved people gathered. he starts off by greeting his parents, hugging them and kissing them. jaehyun moves along to you, in which you immediately wrap your arms around his neck.

“you did amazing out there jae,” you whisper into his ear. “thank you my love, i could feel your presence and felt all the more motivated,” he says. you two depart from each other's embrace and instead give one another a loving peck on the lips.

the four of you relaxed for a while, until food and a cake came inside. “to celebrate,” mr. lee announces. everyone in there having a good time, you were having an amazing time. although the touch of jaehyun’s fingers on your thigh elicited you to think of other things. your mind goes off the rails. however you knew what jaehyun was doing here, what he was trying to tell you. you glances over at him beside you, only to catch him doing the same. a small smirk spreads across his face, your panties growing wet.

⋆⁺✧˚ · .₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆₊˚ෆ

you two made it to his car before he began tearing your pants off you. earlier as the, congrats-on-a-good-tour, party had been wrapping up, jaehyun decided to excuse you two. he insisted on driving you two back home, which his manager allowed. he knew he wouldn’t win against jaehyun. and so when you two said your final goodbyes to his parents, he practically had you running to the parking garage underneath the venue. he told you to get into the backseat in which he then joined you as well.

now you find him tearing your clothes away from your body, throwing it to the passenger seat. you laid in the backseat, naked with nothing but your cute red panties. jaehyun licked his lips before going in between your legs. he pries them open, each leg on one of his shoulders. he kisses your you inner thighs, nibbling on the skin.

when he comes face-to-face with your pussy he darts out his tongue where he kitty licks you through your underwear. you bite down on your bottom lip as he plays with your clit. your panties growing even wetter, mixing along with him, eventually he finally removes your panties, stuffing them in his pocket before going back down.

with both his thumbs, he spreads your pussy lips apart. tongue licking you up so slowly you felt yourself clench around nothing, you ached. he flicked your clit before suddenly intruding his tongue inside you.

you moaned loudly, arching your back off the car seat as his tongue fucked itself in you. opening you up against your gummy walls, reaching you so deep. the wet noises infiltrated the car. your hips began grinding against him, one of your hands flying to his hair. you urge him deeper, he moaned from the action, sending sensations of pleasure to course throughout your body.

jaehyun kept going at it with his tongue, his pace quick. he travels a hand to your tit. jaehyun groped it as he used his fingers to play with your nipple, pinching the bud hard, and causing you to moan. whilst he used his other hand to start playing with your clit. abusing the poor thing, and not too long after he takes his tongue out of you. you whine at the loss of sensation.

“it’s alright my love, i’ll let you cum soon,” he says before getting up and sitting against the car seat. “come here,” he says, eyes looking at you like a predator.

you waste no time in straddling his lap, his lips coming onto your to engulf you into a steamy kiss. tongues fighting one another, teeth clashing, and a little tug on your bottom lip. “ride me. take me like a good girl right here,” he says in a sultry tone.

you couldn’t afford to waste time, you quickly sunk yourself into his cock. you still couldn’t get used to his length, it took a bit for you to get accustomed. his hands gripped your hips, guiding you into his cock. he plowed you in and out, watching his cock disappear inside of you, exciting him. “shit, good girl. you’re my good girl aren’t yo—fuck—you,” he grunts when he feels you tightening around his cock. an indication you were close to reaching your high. from getting tongue-fucked, it left you desperate for your release.

jaehyun was no cruel man, he helped you reach your high with a pleasurable play on your clit. he pounded into you once before you’re orgams came washing over you. you throw your head back, tongue lolling out.

“fuck, so beautiful,” jaehyun mutters, his high not too far away. as he continues fucking into you, you cling onto him. your arms wrapped around him, your lips sucking on his neck, marking him. and with a slap to your ass, he came inside you. panting heavily, he finally stops. the windows fogging up, you’d hoped no one had seen you two. yet there was something so hot about being seen, the thought turning you on.

jaehyun felt you clench, he knew what you were thinking about, he always did. “you dirty girl, wishing everyone saw you being fucked by me,” he smirks. god, something about the way he talked to you, ignited you even more.

you whisper into his ear, “yes, so fuck me more jae~ let everyone see how much i love you.”

jaehyun felt as though he could die right now, by you and your words. he wastes no time giving you a nice good fucking, round after round until your two couldn’t no more, needing a bigger space. he finally decides to drive off, driving while he had his fingers in your sweet pussy, fucking their way inside you until you saw stars.

even as you made it through the front door he took you from behind, moving to the living room, kitchen, bathroom, and his bedroom. he took you wherever and whenever around his home. and once both you have had enough of one another, you’re lulled into a deep sleep.

jaehyun’s pov.

today was the day, our one year anniversary. i’d planned a big day for the both of us today, and right now i’m heading to pick her up. i’m stopped at a red light, my thoughts infiltrated with her and the year we’ve spent together.

not only was it our one year, but today i’d planned to propose to her. i clutched my unoccupied hand around the velvet box. i purchased the ring a while back, i knew i’d wanted to marry her. she was my everything, i couldn’t live without her, her smile, her laugh, her eyes, her beauty, her personality, her everything, the flaws. at times it felt like she and i were specially made for one another. destined beings meant to be with one another. she had become my greatest gift, and from that day a year ago, i knew i wanted to marry her, build a family with her, and be with her during my last dying breath.

and once i’d propose to her, it’d like to officially announce our relationship and marriage. today was going to be the perfect day. even the weather was in my favor, i couldn’t wait to see her reaction to the ring, her face when she-

crash. bang. slam.

red, my vision was painted red. glass scattered on the floor, i was paralyzed. my car had been flipped over. shit.

no, no, no this couldn't be happening right now. no, please god not now, not today. my mind thought of y/n, she was still waiting for me to arrive. i clenched my hand on the box, it still was in my hand. today was suppose to be our one year, the day i asked for her hand in marriage, the day we’d spend eternity today.

as if a twist of events, droplets of rain began dripping down my face. i could feel my eyes wanting to close. no, fuck, jaehyun stay awake, i thought. y/n is waiting for you, she is-

black, i saw black. the noises stopped, everything became silent. the last thing i saw was y/n, my love, my beloved, my soulmate. i wished i could’ve spent one last time with her, "right to you y/n, right next to you."

you grew worried. jaehyun hadn’t arrived yet, he hadn’t even messaged or called you to tell you he was going to run late. not to mention something your gut told you something wrong happened. you couldn’t shake off this feeling. you even tried calling him, but to no avail. he wasn’t answering. and so you resorted to calling his manager, but he too did not answer.

you impatiently waited for something, but nothing came until the afternoon arrived. your phone begins to ring, you immediately retrieve it. it was jaehyun’s manager. you quickly answered, not bothering to let him talk first. “mr. lee, hi! have you heard from jaehyun? he hasn’t answered any of my calls or texts, please le-” you rant quickly, wanting to seek answers but are interrupted by a distraught mr. lee.

“y/n, i’ma need you to hear my carefully,” he starts off. your worry increasing and your gut twisting. “j-jaehyun’s in the hospital right now, if you can you should come before his surgery finishes.”

“s-surgery?” you ask, voice wobbling. “y-yes, this morning, i’m guessing on his way to pick you up, he was involved in a car accident, it was bad. jaehyun was unresponsive when paramedics arrived, but was still breathing. he had a pretty nasty cut to his head and the doctor advised to quickly operate on him,” mr. lee explained the situation.

you don’t even remember much after that. you screamed in agony, tears nonstop as they roll down your face. you quickly head over to the hospital, ignoring the herds of news stations reporting. it disgusted you, how could they when your beloved was barely holding up.

you rush to the front of the hospital, asking to let you see jaehyun but that’s when mr. lee steps in to let you go with him. you rush together outside the operating room where jaehyun was at. you shook as mr. lee continued telling you details of what had happened earlier that morning. it hurt you, you couldn’t believe it. today was supposed to be your one year anniversary, the day you two celebrated in harmony, in love, with one another. yet here you were, in a hospital, awaiting news of the conclusion of his surgery. you’d never cried this much in your life.

in the midst of it all, jaehyun’s parents had arrived as well. his mother completely distraught, embracing you as you two prayed for jaehyun’s successful surgery. it felt neverending, like years had been passing by. why were they taking so long, why, why, why. you couldn’t take this anymore, what if he… what if he didn’t… you couldn’t even finish the thought. no, you thought. he was going to make it, he was the strongest person you knew. he was the brightest star that shunned.

“i, i just woke up from a dream. where you and i had to say goodbye.”

an hour or two passed by again before the operating sign turned off and a doctor came out. you and mrs. jeong stood up from the floor. all of you greeting the doctor, standing around him as he started to explain in detail jaehyun’s injuries.

“luckily, nothing life-threatning, the surgery was able to go about successfully. though we’re not sure when he’ll wake up, i can guarantee everything went well. it’s a miracle he made it out alive, he truly is a strong one,” the doctor said as he glanced over at jaehyun's parents during the last part. you sighed in relief, finally being able to breath after getting confirmation he truly was alright. 

you all thanked the doctor, and thanked the heavens above that jaehyun had survived everything.

soon, a nurse came out informing you four that he’d been moved to a room and you all quickly rushed over there. your eyes watered again seeing the state he was in. it horrified you seeing all his injuries, small ones and most notably his head injury. you rush to his side, gently taking your hand in his. and you didn't know if it was just your imagination, but you swore you felt him tighten his hand around yours.

⋆⁺✧˚ · .₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆₊˚ෆ

it’s now been a little over a week since jaehyun’s accident and surgery. you’ve spent everyday by his side, sometimes staying the night. however his mother was growing worried for you and insisted you’d get some rest as well. you just didn’t want to not be by his side when he woke up. and so the days went on, you sat beside his bed. your hand on his, you stared at his face. you prayed and prayed for him to finally awaken, to open those eyes of his you adore so much.

the media was in a disaster the first couple of days, fans and nonfans too praying for his recovery. it came as a shock to everyone. they also arrested the person responsible, he had been under the influence when he crashed into jaehyun’s car. he was the one who ran the red light as jaehyun had just begun to drive.

you continue watching jaehyun when you notice his eyes move, they weren’t opening but they’d twitch. it was almost as if he was trying to open them. you got up, calling his name. your breath got caught in your system when you see him finally pry them open. he mutters something, but you don’t hear as you try calling for a nurse. when you come back you see him looking at you.

“j-jaehyun, is everything alright,” you ask. he doesn’t respond, he just looks at you as if he was trying to recognize you. “don’t worry, i already called a nurse the-” he interrupts you. the words coming out of his mouth, shocking. destroying you, changing your life.

“w-who a-are yo-you?” he asks, voice coming out a bit dry.

“wh-what do yo-you mean? jaehyun, it’s me, y/n… god, no. jaehyun please,” you begin to cry out. you’re refusing to believe what was unfolding, wishing it was some joke. the nurse comes in, seeing an awoken jaehyun and you crying.

you turn to her whisper so jaehyun wouldn’t hear, “h-he doesn’t remember me, wh-what’s wrong. pl-please.” she looks at you then at jaehyun. “ma’am, please calm down for a moment, i’ll go talk to the doctor first,” she says, but you already knew what was happening.

jaehyun had lost his memory, there was no denying that.

you don’t say a word to jaehyun anymore, instead you call mr. lee to inform him of what had just transpired. he tells you he’ll be there in no time. when he arrives, your still a crying mess. however another discovery was made.

“do-dohwa?” jaehyun asks, calling out for his manager. the two of you were shocked, none of this making sense. he remembered his manager, but not you. no, god this was worse. your heart broke to a million pieces. you could feel your world ending, right here, right now.

the nurse came back in, she informed you two that the doctor wanted to conduct a study on jaehyun to see what was going on. you two watched him being transported away. and your tears flowed more.

“h-he doesn’t re-remember me,” you cry out. his manager sits beside you, trying to reassure you, telling you perhaps this was just a temporary thing. that perhaps jaehyun was going to recover his memory soon, it wasn’t going to be anything serious.

yet all your hopes were crushed when the doctor came inside the room to talk to you both. jaehyun had fallen asleep. “he’s lost his memory, precisely memory of around 3 years,” the doctor informs. “is there a chance he could get it back?” mr. lee asks when you can’t even speak up anymore. “it’s hard to say, in most cases they do but there are also those other half who don’t,” the doctor answered. he asked you two if there were any more questions but you both didn’t ask anything more, too shocked by this new discovery.

when the doctor leaves, mr. lee gets up. he walks over to his backpack, opening it and retrieving a small bag. as he walks back to where you sat he hands you the bag. “wh-what’s this? you ask. “open it and you’ll find out,” he just says, it sounded so mysterious. however you do just that, opening the small bag, taking the object outside and into your hands.

a small velvet box.

your heart stops. could this be, you thought. you look up at mr. lee. “they found it in his hand when paramedics arrived, they told they had a hard time removing it from his hand,” mr. lee explained when you open the box. in the middle was the most gorgeous ring you’d ever seen. you couldn’t see anymore.

“it seems he was planning to propose to you,” mr. lee comments. you stayed silent, clutching the box tightly. a beat or two passes before you ask, “co-could you give us a minute.” mr. lee nods his head, stepping out to give you two some space. you get up from your seat and walk over to jaehyun. he was still fast asleep.

you grab onto his hand, tears continuously spilling out as you try gathering what to say to him. “th-thank you jaehyun. thank you for showing me love. thank you for allowing me to love you, for loving me. thank you for thinking of me even as you were dying. thank you for staying strong. thank you for existing. thank you for everything, my beloved.” you had so much to thank him for. “in the course of the year i spent with you, there was never a day i felt sad or regretful because i was with you, in fact that year was the best year of the entirety of my life.”

you let out a choked sob. “i don’t wanna say goodbye to you, goodbye to us. i wished we could’ve spent more time together, be right next to you. and if you ever get your memory back, just know i’d be waiting for you. but until then, our story will have to end here jaehyun.” you lean in to his kiss his cheek before departing. “i’ll love you for all eternity.”

you look at him for one last time before turning around. you’re about to open the door when you turn around again. “and jaehyun, yes i’ll marry you.”

+ + +

“if the world was ending, i’d wanna be next to you. if the party was over and our time on earth was through, i’d wanna hold you just for a while and die with a smile. if the world was ending, i’d wanna be next to you.” - die with a smile, bruno mars & lady gaga.

+ + +

© jhdyuiee

2024. 09. 15

final a.n: hey! you've reached the end of die with a smile, it was an emotional roller coaster. i cried writing the ending, it was truly heartbreaking. the story ended up being longer than i had anticipated, but nonetheless i felt it was necessary to include the falling in love to get a better understanding of the loving relationship. unfortunately though i’ve decided to make this a oneshot, so i won’t be making a part two as i feel it’d be best to leave it this way (sorry i have to leave it angsty). anyhow, i hope to all my readers you’ve enjoyed it, cried, and felt a whirlwind of emotions. thank you for your continuous support, i’ll be back in 2 weeks with my next release! look forward to what i have next! thank you once more & i love you all, stay safe out there! jiji out 🤍

ten reasons why i hate you: reason #4

SYNOPSIS. while you admittedly didn’t refuse the arranged marriage between you and jung jaehyun, that didn’t mean that you’d allow him to treat you like a doormat. for the emotional distress he had put you through during the months leading up to your engagement party, you ensure that he will pay for the way he had been treating you for the rest of his life. 

PAIRING. rich boy!jaehyun x rich girl!reader GENRES. angst, drama, rich kid!au CHAPTER WORD COUNT. 3200

WARNINGS. none.

TAGLIST. @moonchele @crescent-iak​ @ahtisa02 @ghostfacefricker6969 @jaehyunnie77 @jungish @anya-writes-stuff @hey-won @ishireads @neoculturetingz @xxxx-23nct​ @peachibevuti​ (bolded = unable to tag)

[a/n]: apologies for taking so long with this chapter!! i’ve been super busy the past two months and lowkey went through another writing burnout for putting out too many stuff at the same time. i hope this long chapter will make up for it. next chapterf will be the wedding! pls leave feedback and comments, they keep me motivated♡♡ 

and if you’d like to be part of the taglist, pls send me an ask! it’s easier for me to see and keep track as opposed to directly commenting since these get lost in notifs :)

← REASON #3 ||MASTERLIST || REASON #5 → 

REASON #4

“How are you feeling?” 

You refrained yourself from scoffing at Doyoung’s seemingly harmless question as he drove you back to your place from the hospital (i.e. your penthouse at Yuta’s hotel). Although you were the one who came up with this ‘revenge’ plan, you were starting to regret your recklessness as the plan was slowly taking a toll on you and your mental health. 

“What do you think?” you replied with a small snark. 

Doyoung’s jaw slackened at your question, one that was meant to be rhetorical. But somehow, he decided to answer it regardless. 

“I think this is your worst idea so far.” 

Keep reading

post-party.

“so, you want me to be in this call for how long?" your friend from the other line asked again, not understanding the use of you freaking out for the tenth time. the plan was simple; make your friend hear everything he was speaking, eat dinner, and bye-bye forever. they did say easier said than done; you felt like your heart is about to burst out from your chest, alongside with your hands trembling in nervousness and a slight flutter but you refuse to admit it to anybody.

the more you admit; the more feelings you will let in since you have been blocking all the invalid feelings the minute, he walked away without saying goodbye to you. who is he to twirl in your life again? after all the mess he created in your life, vice versa. "you heard me right." you said back, clearly.

the pathway was familiar for you, the small party you would have in the diner after breaking up then fucking with no feelings, and lastly, confessing feelings for someone else. the restaurant was most probably tired of both of your shit, and you do not blame it. you were tired too, but you were tired of the restless nights with no answers, tossing and turning in your bed after seeing him in your dreams and sneakily stalk his instagram from your friend's phone. you sighed understanding that you need inner peace of what happened happened, it is okay to put him in your past.

"you missed me that much?" you cracked a joke once again. jaehyun realized you have grown more carefree; you smile more and you glow. the y/n jaehyun knew evolved into the person he always wished you to be, yet he had a bitter taste in his mouth realizing how many hardships you had to go through to finally fuck the world to set yourself this free. "i left with any words, so did you. so our whatever we had kinda was left in the road." he initiated the conversation you wished you had years ago. you remember crying when he left you with no message, no letter or anything. he was just gone.

"you missed me that much?" you cracked a joke once again. jaehyun realized you have grown more carefree; you smile more and you glow. the y/n jaehyun knew evolved into the person he always wished you to be, yet he had a bitter taste in his mouth realizing how many hardships you had to go through to finally fuck the world to set yourself this free. "i left with any words, so did you. so our whatever we had kinda was left in the road." he initiated the conversation you wished you had years ago. you remember crying when he left you with no message, no letter or anything. he was just gone.

"you missed me that much?" you cracked a joke once again. jaehyun realized you have grown more carefree; you smile more and you glow. the y/n jaehyun knew evolved into the person he always wished you to be, yet he had a bitter taste in his mouth realizing how many hardships you had to go through to finally fuck the world to set yourself this free. "i left with any words, so did you. so our whatever we had kinda was left in the road." he initiated the conversation you wished you had years ago. you remember crying when he left you with no message, no letter or anything. he was just gone.

you acknowledged what he meant by 'left in the road.' even after having relationships with multiple people, he was stuck with you at all times; as if he never left you. the traffic he caused in your mind, all the new potential relationships you rejected with the reason being one day, jaehyun will come back to you. fuck jaehyun, fuck everything.

"here is your favourite dish. we missed you guys so much. enjoy." the manager served us our regulars from years ago. you and jaehyun smiled pleasingly. the heavenly fish filet curry with rice combo was the first dinner date with jaehyun, and it felt like just yesterday of you,- "you remember you nearly teared up at how good this was and i recorded you." jaehyun woke you up from the memory field-trip you were taking, so he remembers as well. "you remember?" your eyes widen surprisingly.

jaehyun shook his head, "you really think i would forget? y/n, i was fucking in love with you like crazy." he let out a smile, giving you a spoon for you to dig in. you froze still. ah, really, fuck jaehyun. taken back by his sudden outburst, you were left dumbfounded; what do you do with a piece of information like this? but this is why you are here in front of him. "aw man, really because felt like i was just your go-to girl most of the time." you smirked slightly, the unsettling feeling absorbed your chest as it started tighten thinking of how much he belittled you; even after knowing your feelings for him.

"i was young and stupid as i grew up, i felt the need to impress people around me to keep them. when we dated, we were so young but i knew for sure that i loved you. there was not one moment where i didn't." jaehyun choked out, "even after you broke up, i was mad at you, why did you do it? so i hated you or i tried. at the end, you came back and you stayed, no matter how shitty i fucking treated you and how much i used you." you inhaled loudly, as the tears blurred the image of jaehyun in front of you.

"i cried not knowing what the fuck did i do for you to treat me like garbage. you ran back to me when your girlfriend broke up. you would come back to me asking of doing this relationship with me again but the next moment, you would say you could not do this and leave again, making me feel like a fucking loser." you spilled out everything you could not do it before. in fear of losing him.

but you got nothing to lose anymore

"i kept you around because you made me feel better about myself. no matter what people would say to you, at the end of the day, you would be with me, assuring me that i was a lot better than what people say about me. i did not want to lose you in any way." jaehyun confessed, fist clenched on the table. as you stared up as your tears rolled down anyway. the burning sensation on your throat and the twisting curls on your heart hurt you. you wanted to go.

"but for me, i kept you because maybe one day you will come back to me. i know i did wrong, breaking up with you at the first place. perhaps, we would have recklessly gotten married or would have had kids. i always wanted t-" you clenched your jaw to prevent yourself to sob in front of him, "i have always loved you. even when you left without any words, i thought of you and wished you well. i hated you but i could not curse at your life anymore." you let out a sob.

"i still love you, jaehyun. i miss you, i miss you so much. you left me wounds but i learnt to be better for myself. after this talk, i wish you to stop staying mad at yourself, i want you to forgive yourself. let me go." through all the tears; where your cheeks are, most probably, red, you let out a smile.

he returned back, glassy eyes staring at you. "i am so sorry. i am so sorry. i wish i could take back things that i did. i wish i treated you better. you deserve someone who keeps you because they want to make you happy with them. i love you," jaehyun chuckled again with tears rolling down again. as his hand slide towards yours to hold onto it, for the last time. "i wish you nothing but happiness. i wish you have good days, but don't forget about me. keep me in your memories and i will keep you in mine. please know i will pray for your happiness." you tighten the embrace. his hands still felt home and safe but unknown.

he is not yours anymore.

maybe in another life, you two would be perfect for each other. in another life, you guys will find ways back to each other. "this time, i am really letting you go, jaehyun. thank you for loving me. please be happy as well." the food turned stone cold now, yet his hand was on yours, still warm.

letting his hand go, you smiled so did he. "thank you again." jaehyun stared at you with just adoration and sadness. he wished also, in another life, he will keep you safe with him; but for now, it is time to let go. "thank you." he nodded, and off i go.

putting your phone back on your ears, "it's okay, y/n. i am proud of you, baby. cry your heart out for the last time."

so you did.

side-note. break-ups are messy but what’s messier but braver is talking, no matter how long it takes. it’s good to let them know that you are ready to set them free from your mind and from your heart. the whole drabble is messy in a way because i picture when you talk to someone who you have hurt and who has hurt you, it is gonna be messy because you do not know where to start and where to end. it will be all over the place. but i hope the pain eases when you let it go, let it heal. so please be free, do not hurt yourself anymore and i will do the same.

happy reading till then. x

One of the best fics I've read!! I can't stop thinking about it.

𝐁𝐀𝐃 𝐇𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐒 [𝐌]

𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐛 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 @𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐦𝐫𝐤 [before she deactivated]

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: boxer!jaehyun x reader

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fwb!au, romance, angst, smut, slight fboy!jaehyun

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: swearing, mentions of blood, smut (shower sex, car sex, riding, unprotected [always have safe sex], marking, degradation, dom!jaehyun & sub!reader)

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 21 k (i am so sorry)

Keep reading

everytime i read this i start violently SOBBING.

"jae?"

summary: jaehyun buys johnny and mark some cuervo shots. he forgets the one thing that everyone says—stay away from your phone when you're drunk. note: jaehyun finishing his undergrad thesis, johnny and mark as a support system, and a lot of swearing/profanities, really. genre: pure and raging angst | word count: 1.7k — “one bott?” johnny asked.

“sure! this one’s on me.” jaehyun, with a sheepish grin on his face, replied. his cheeks were now hinting a shade of red. fucking adorable.

so why is jaehyun suddenly ecstatic about drinking cuervo and gulping it down straight as if it was… an ordinary non-alcoholic drink?

give the guy his moment. jaehyun’s thesis-making era has finally landed in the area of responsibility. out of all the frameworks and methods to be potentially used for his study (verbatim. legendary thesis), he is anxious. as much as he wants to bag that best thesis nomination from his architecture department, the thought of just getting it at the end of the sem sounds more convincing and realistic which is, well, quite a lonely take from a former A student turned mediocre due to sudden burnout, but that’s life now for some after the unforgiving turn of events embedded in the 2020 history records.

to tl;dr, jaehyun needs a drink and to get drunk. let him be, please? he’s used to bragging about his high alcohol tolerance but his primary goal is to get shitfaced, excuse the expression. a good hangover is needed by the morning; something to make him feel human again. the world is spinning quickly, and he needed to slow time just a little bit to cue his hazy vision and low inhibitions.

so the second cuervo arrived, right? jaehyun thanked the waiter and johnny and mark couldn’t help but laugh at how he was currently losing it all. he holds the golden bottle, his eyes fixed on the shot glasses, and when he poured, the drink spilled on the table. at this point, being drunk is no longer an excuse. his eyesight has also become worst over the years. what’s up with this guy, anyway? just go get yourself a LASIK surgery (to which jaehyun would only reply via text so dryly: lol)

johnny snatched the bottle from jaehyun and poured it into their shot glasses. in this kind of scenario, one would actually tap out and advise the rest who refuse to follow, but dang!, as the younger bro always says, it seems like jaehyun needed this the most. johnny knew the stress as he has already graduated (but still chose to enroll for a master’s degree afterward because the MA sneak beside his name sounds lit!), and mark is amused by jaehyun’s clumsy state anyways.

“mark, stop laughing.”

“oh, why?” mark looked at johnny with confusion.

“because next year, bro, you’re gonna be as shitfaced as jaehyun because of your thesis! haha!”

while the two bickers, the cuervo shots were going down on jaehyun like water. as he takes the nth shot of the night, he lowers the glass slowly and stared blankly at the two of them.

mark slightly gripped the hem of johnny’s shirt to break off the banter.

then he said “yo, the fuck?”

when the both of them faced jaehyun, his eyes were bloodshot… red?

“jaehyun, are you crying?” johnny asked.

“i broke… heart.” jaehyun muttered.

“huh?”

“shit, i broke it.”

“you broke what?”

mark dumbfounded, was just staring at jaehyun. johnny kept asking who, but jaehyun just keeps on speaking in codes.

“fuck, she said “i love you””

“dude... who?” mark asked. the atmosphere is getting serious as he mumbles what we can assume as his regrets. the two couldn’t really tell. at this point, jaehyun’s all over the place; incoherent.

“fuck,” jae cursed for the nth time. “i took it for fucking granted.”

“it was so exclusive. fuck, that ‘i love you’ was so exclusive.”

“fuck. fucking fool. the fuck, jae? i’m such a fucking headass.”

and bratatatat he goes. the other two gentlemen were listening attentively, hoping he’d spill a name or a clue of who he was referring to. but nothing comes out. as if jaehyun was stuck at the moment when the person said “i love you” to him. jaehyun was in a loop, like a broken record. and when he finally stopped blabbering and took another shot, his face was already on the table, and with eyes closed, he fell into a deep slumber.

and god, his position looks so uncomfortable. his arms were just hanging and flanging into the air. the younger noticed his state, so he decided to put jaehyun’s arms and palms over his legs.

“dude”, mark said to johnny. “are you sure he needs it for his thesis or that thing?”

—

when jaehyun woke up, mark was on his phone. johnny, on the other hand, was taking a puff from his vape that is wrapped around his neck. you know those dudes who are not so subtle about their vape life? displaying their vapes like an id, and is lit blue? strawberry-minty flavor, smells good though, in fair. but he would tell you to go away if ever you would want to try. “smoking kills!”, he would say. shoo!

“i feel like throwing up.”

“i’ll come with you. come on.” johnny offered.

they went inside the restaurant across from their al fresco space. johnny led the way toward the bathroom. the rest is history. jaehyun walked out from the bathroom stall and washed his hands and mouth. a little splash on his face was needed, too; just to sober up.

he is in fact, and indeed, sobered up; sound and with consciousness. he said “go ahead” to johnny and went back to their table. mark is texting, probably a hook-up, by now. but he never leaves the gang to give respect to the bro night. he was also curious about what happened to jaehyun, anyway.

but johnny isn’t surprised, like, at all. jaehyun is an eye candy in his university. he sure made his fair shares from time to time but the thing is, they don’t really talk about their flings and such. the pack isn’t a kiss-and-tell, the usual trashy friend group that reeks pride via body counts. and jaehyun would introduce if ever he gets in a situationship leading to commitment anyway. it’s just that mark has never seen this side of jaehyun.

but there is indeed a possibility that jaehyun has this hopeless romantic tendency given he must have watched 500 days of summer approximately 500 times by now, and still believes that summer finn is a bitch.

“drink some water”, mark handed a bottle.

“thanks.”

“so…”

johnny nudged mark. it was a signal to stop the interrogation. mark got social cues, thank god. they’ll let jaehyun spill at his own pace. the guy is still trying to recover. one of these days, he’ll remember and open up because perhaps, it did really get serious at some point.

but jaehyun opened his phone and checked his text messages. there was a message, waiting for a response sent almost ten months ago.

january 11, 2022, 01:11 am | you wrote:

home?

to which he now replied: november 10, 2022, 02:45 am | jaehyun wrote:

not yet

and i dont think ill everr be

jaehyun grabbed the half-empty cuervo and poured it into his glass. mind you, not the shot glass, the bottle itself. mark and johnny, once again, stared at each other. jaehyun poured the last bit of the golden bottle and drank it straight. he winced and his throat felt burning. he then continued typing on his phone.

october 10, 2022, 02:46 am | jaehyun wrote:

and i know it sounds tssstupid

but i think im still in love with you

not think

fuck

i am in love with you

ive always been in love with you

and i never said it

and i wish i couldve said it back whenever you say it

because fuck

you deserved to hear it so much

jaehyun was in the middle of his never-ending texts when his phone rang.

he let it ring a few times. the phone vibrating felt somehow pressuring for the guy. mark and johnny were just staring at jaehyun, waiting for his next move.

shit, it really is you.

-

jaehyun got up from his seat while gripping his phone quite tight and walked a few inches from their table, lingering on the feeling of the buzzes. he took a few deep breaths in and touched the green button.

“jaehyun? are you drunk?” he heard from the other side of the phone. “go home, please, jaehyun?”

jaehyun.

jaehyun. it’s no longer jae.

meanwhile, johnny and mark were squinting their eyes, trying to look out for the dumbstruck fool, trying to catch signals and connect the dots.

“jaehyun?”, he couldn’t breathe. it felt suffocating. “are you still there?”

“hey.”, jaehyun finally mustered up the courage to speak. “i know it’s been a while but-”

“do you need me to book you an uber, jaehyun?”

jaehyun. jaehyun. jaehyun. tears start to swell in jaehyun’s eyes. where the fuck did ‘jae’ go? he desperately wonders.

“please… please call me jae, please? love, please?”

“jaehyun…” you replied hesitantly. “times have changed.”

“just this time, please?” jaehyun desperately asked. “one last time. i just need to hear it again then i’ll go.”

the line felt silent despite the murmuring sounds of happy co-workers cheering for the weekend and the faint booming music to liven up the place. but jaehyun’s world is painted in monochrome; lonely, and lifeless.

“jae…”

“hey, love.”

“jae…”

“i’m gonna miss you so much; every single day, baby. every single day.”

“jae, jae, jae…”

hearing ‘jae’ coming from you sounds music to his ears.

and for the last time, he pretended it was just another call coming from you—those nights like this paralleled before when jaehyun refused to pick up your calls on a night out, shitfaced, while on the other line, there was you who were constantly worried on his whereabouts. but he always got home safely and always told you this:

“don’t wait for me okay?”

and then you played along.

“just go home safely, jae.”

but in a parallel universe, he wishes he ended the calls with this. and he finally said it, when it is now too late:

“i love you so much, love.”

and jaehyun heard a faint sob on the other line, just before the call abruptly ended.

-

jaehyun stared at his phone until everything became blurry and his tears flowed down his cheeks.

he opened the message app and scrolled through your thread, until he reached the last message you sent.

"home?"

but jaehyun, he was never coming home,

now that he has lost the keys along the way.

mafia! jaehyun: stitched heart

summary: when a stranger hides in y/n’s apartment, she isn’t prepared for what she just got sucked into

pairing: mafia! jaehyun x college student! reader

warning: small amount of violence, mentions of drugs, angst, my friends @huangsren and @hwangdol dragged me down this stupid writing hole and now i’m here, yw :)

jaehyun seems like your REGULAR man who goes about living his life like any other citizen in seoul

yet, what no one knows is that jaehyun runs the most infamous gang, nct

jaehyun has been with nct since the beginning and watched the gang grow to be as successful as they are now

he was there for every single drug exchange that allowed them to be able to financially sustain themselves and every turf war where they had to defend their base and such

however, he can never forgive himself for dragging an innocent college student into his line of work

one night, after being heavily injured, jaehyun was on the run from a rivaling gang

he was running out of ways to run until he saw a window open on the fifth floor of an apartment building 

he began ascent up and climbed into the window of the stranger’s apartment, closing the window as fast as he could, in order to go unnoticed by those chasing him

as he sat on the ground to catch his breath, he saw a girl sitting on her bed with a bowl in her hand, ramen hanging out of her mouth as she just stares at the strange, bloodied man that came into her room

the ramen drops from the girl’s mouth as her mouth is still agaped

as a scream was about to leave the girl’s mouth, jaehyun put his finger to his lip, peeking out the window to see the gang running past the apartment complex

he looks back to see the girl had closed her mouth and had her chopsticks up as if it were some weapon that could protect her 

“please put down the chopsticks, i won’t hurt you,” he tried to calm the girl as the shock had finally hit her that some man had just jumped into her window when it was five floors up

“i just wanted to eat my ramen in peace tonight and now i have to deal with some man hopping into my room and getting blood ALL OVER MY CARPET,” the girl responded, putting her chopsticks back in the bowl

jaehyun looked down to see a puddle of blood sitting below him due to the amount of cuts he had gotten 

the girl finally spoke up, “please just go in the bathroom while i get the first aid kit” 

jaehyun followed the girl into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet seat as the girl walked away to get her first aid kit, not forgetting to put on her bunny slippers on her way out

she came back with a white box and opened it to get bandages and antibiotic ointment to prevent any infections

“before i start treating you, i deserve to know your name after you basically broke into my house and ruined my ramen eating session” the girl said, cutting the awkward silence

“jaehyun” he had responded curtly

“well i’m y/n and the least you can do is actually talk to me while i’m doing this, the silence is suffocating me”

thus, the two began to speak about their themselves as y/n was cleaning his cuts

jaehyun later learned she is in college studying to become a nurse and y/n learned about jaehyun being in nct and the reason why he had randomly popped himself into her apartment

after tending to his injuries, y/n had set up a makeshift bed on her couch in the living room for him to spend the night, even after jaehyun had attempted to politely refuse

she insisted that his injuries were still healing and he needed to rest for the night

it is now 12:42, y/n was snoring peacefully as jaehyun laid on her couch staring at her bowl of unfinished ramen sitting on the counter

although jaehyun had the mindset of making this their first and last time meeting, he couldn’t bring himself to never see her again

thus, began their weekly hangouts in y/n’s apartment

whether it be watching high school musical and singing along to all the songs or eating ramen like every broke college students

y/n really began to see that behind the tough mafia persona was a little soft teddy bear with cute dimples

although, there were the few times that jaehyun did come to her apartment all cut up again causing y/n to tend to his wounds while scolding him about being careful and making her worry 

through this time period, they began to develop feelings for each other 

and like every oblivious character in fanfics, they took every display of affection to be completely platonic

because all friends cuddle each other on the couch and give each other random cheek kisses right??

jaehyun realized how hard he was falling for her as he knew every little thing about her

from wrapping herself in a blanket burrito whenever she sleeps to scrunching her nose when she’s focused

especially when he as super deep cuts from fighting that cause her to stitch them together rather than the normal neosporin and hello kitty bandaid 

jaehyun, like every other idiot in fanfics began to distance himself from y/n thinking it will stop his feelings 

this caused y/n an immense amount of distress because she began to miss his company and his comforting hugs as her finals were approaching

but she took it as jaehyun being caught up in his line of work and tried to be understanding, making up any excuses for his absences 

jaehyun came over one day as y/n had called him over which had him questioning what could she possibly have to tell him at 1am

when he came over, y/n ran up and hugged him leaving him all confused

“i passed my finals and i have enough credits to be able to graduate early” y/n screamed while having the biggest smile

jaehyun smiled at her, showing his dimples (wow i’m soft)

“you’ll be there at my graduation right?” y/n asked while pouting, making it harder to jaehyun to say no

“of course, i wouldn’t miss it for the world” jaehyun responded which made y/n’s smile grow bigger as she planted a kiss on his cheek and skipped to the kitchen to make ramen for the both of them

jaehyun watched her from a distance thinking, “yeah my feelings are still there”

jaehyun continued to distance himself and submerge himself in his work

on a particular day, he was dealing with a drug deal with another rivaling gang which turned very violent very fast

what he had forgotten is the drug deal had taken place on the same day as y/n’s graduation

y/n looked around the crowd in her cap and gown for the dimple boy and couldn’t find him anywhere

soon enough it was here turn to walk across the stage for her diploma

she looked up as she was on the stage and still could not point him out

after graduation, she waited outside the graduation hall for him, until she was the only one left in the whole building

tears began to fall on the floor as she realized jaehyun had broken his promise

she began to walk towards the bus stop in hopes of catching a late bus to take her home

as she got off the bus, the bus driver took pity as he saw her puffy eyes

“hey, congratulations kiddo” the middle aged man said to y/n seeing her in her cap and gown 

y/n looked at the kind man and smiled replying a quiet “thank you” 

mumbling a small “at least someone was there for me” as walked towards her home

y/n threw her cap and gown as soon as she got into her apartment, taking a shower, and changing in her comfortable clothing

she plopped herself on the couch and turned on high school musical, singing all the songs by herself as she continued crying

jaehyun, who was once again bloody and heavily injured made his way to y/n’s apartment hoping she was awake to treat his wounds

once he walked into her apartment using her spare key, he saw the girl sitting on her couch with red eyes 

she looked at the doorway and saw jaehyun 

she glared at him and went back to watching the troy and gabriella singing breaking free, jaehyun’s favorite song

jaehyun walked up to her, standing in front of the tv

“hey, do you mind helping me out?” jaehyun asked pointing out all the cuts he had, while y/n just looked out the window away from him

“y/n” jaehyun waved his hand in front of her which caused her to slap his hand out of reflex

“what’s the matter with you?” jaehyun asked

which caused y/n to be enraged as she replied “what day is it today?”

jaehyun looked at the calendar in her room where the day was marked “y/n’s graduation :))” making his eyes go wide that he forgot

“y/n i’m so sorry” jaehyun sympathetically said as he looked down to the floor

“I waited for you for so long, usually i’m so lenient with you ditching our weekly hangouts thinking it’s for work, but the one time i wanted you there, you can’t even do it” y/n said as tears began to make their way to her water line again

“it’s just a graduation it’s not that big of a deal” jaehyun scoffed

“it meant everything to me and you know that. i actually thought i meant at least something to you for you to actually care about my feelings but obviously all you care about is yourself” y/n spat out

“well maybe you’re right, you really meant nothing to me, you were just some who kept latching onto me and couldn’t even see that I never enjoyed your shitty company” jaehyun exclaimed 

immediately both their eyes went wide 

the tears finally fell from y/n’s eyes as jaehyun stood still not believe he had just spewed out such lies

as he tried to reach for y/n to bring her into an embrace, she ran past him, out the house in her bunny slippers

jaehyun fell to his knees as he finally let his words and its effects soak in

y/n kept running until someone pulled her into an alleyway and afterwards she lost consciousness

when she had awoken, she was tied to a chair where she saw a man cleaning a gun

she tried to scream but realized her mouth was taped

the attempted scream caused the man to turn around

the man ripped the tape off her mouth and covered his ears as he heard her scream’s full volume

“wow jaehyun, really picked a loud one” the man mumbled

“what do you want with me?” y/n asked

the man then explained who he was and his intentions of luring jaehyun to the warehouse to kill him, using y/n as bait as jaehyun loved her too much to let her die

y/n scoffed, “i mean nothing to him”

the man then took a photo of her replying “let’s test it”

jaehyun then received the picture of y/n held captive with a message attached saying “come to warehouse 42 if you want to save her”

immediately, without thinking about the injuries he already had, he ran to the warehouse without thinking about the car he had perfectly parked in the parking lot outside the apartment complex

but as he got to the door of warehouse 42, all he heard was a gunshot and a scream

was he too late?

𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐀 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 - 𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐉𝐚𝐞𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧

pairing: Jung Jaehyun x fem!reader

special guests: Johnny, Mark, Doyoung, Taeil, Yuta, Jungwoo

summary: Your relationship with Jaehyun starts with hate and ends with love. A rollercoaster of emotions and suffering. You hated each other the second you met and with time, hate became love. Everything was perfect until your relationship ended after you told him you were pregnant. Living under the same roof was a big challenge, especially when your mother came to visit and you had to fake your relationship with Jaehyun and you had to go through so much more until you were finally happy again.

genre: enemies-to-lovers-to-enemies-to-lovers!au (lmao), roommates!au, fakedating!au, pregnancy!au, angst, smut, fluff

warnings: talks of abortion, unplanned pregnancy, puking, gender reveal party (lol), jaehyun is an asshole but he kind of has a reason, smut, swearing, alcohol consumption, abusive past, childhood trauma, rollercoaster of emotions, protected and unprotected sex, choking, (pls tell me if I forgot anything)

wc: 25k (wtf)

NOTE: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 1000 FOLLOWERS, I AM ABSOLUTELY THANKFUL FOR EVERYTHING, this is my 1k follower special and I’m so sorry it took me so long to finish. Thank you.This is inspired by the movie ‘Salaam Namaste’. I planned this story since last september and I’m finally done. Jaehyun says some mean and hurtful things, but don’t hate him too much. If you DON’T like gender reveal parties, PLEASE skip that part or don’t read this fic. I HOPE YOU ENJOY. I am not a gynecologist and I was never pregnant. I used google for help lmao I hope I described y/n’s pregnancy correctly. song rec: everything happens for a reason by Madison Beer

taglist: @chitaphrrrr​, @bitchenderyy​, @aesthetichrj​, @skrtbabe​

this is fiction!

© tyongxnct on all platforms

“We’re moving back to Busan.”

Your eyes widened. “What? I’m sorry what did you just say?”

“You heard us. Your mother and I want to move back to Busan. We have enough of Seoul and besides that, your grandparents are much older now, they need us there.” Your dad said casually.

“What? Mom?! I don’t wanna move back! I love Seoul, my friends are here, my Job is here-“

“You’re a waitress.” Your mother reminded you.

“And? I love working there. I love my job and my friends. We can’t move back! We can visit them, they’re not that old.”

“It’s been almost five years since you saw your grandparents.” Your dad shook his head, “They need our help-“

Keep reading

Conflicted

So, I never thought that it would come to this. I do not tolerate this action due to family history, but I don’t know what came over me. Maybe I was overpowered by this guy’s charms that I just had to write something like this. 

To know more what I’m talking about, read on. I won’t even give a summary because I want you guys to know what’s up with this. 

And here’s the devil, erm, Jeong Jaehyun looking like a full-course meal even if he’s just serving face to hype you up. 

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

–––

POV: 2nd person still. 

Word count: 1,900 + words 

Genre: Romance, with a dash of fluff and a bit of angst. A well-balanced meal, if I should say so myself. 

Warning: Read until the bottom of this page, and you’ll get what you’re going to read, maybe next post or some other time. 

–––

You felt conflicted whenever Jaehyun was near you.

Although he was your boyfriend’s ex-roommate, there were times that he would hang out at your apartment to catch up with him.

After all, they used to work together as radio DJs. They had a nightly program that you always tuned to before. You and Johnny were still best friends then, and you know you would be frustrated if he still had his program now that you’re together. You two won’t have the time to cuddle, because he would be working and you would wake up with him asleep on the couch.

As you watched Johnny and Jaehyun converse at the dining table, you couldn’t help but observe the younger guy. He was a Disney prince in real life – creamy white skin, immaculately dressed, and with great hair to boot. He also had a beautiful voice that everyone, regardless of age and gender, would fall for.

Those reasons made you feel weird because you’re already in a relationship with one of the most handsome men you know, but at the same time, you couldn’t keep your eyes off him sometimes.

Why am I even thinking of this? You thought as you tied your hair up in a bun to focus on your sideline. It has been a hot minute since you edited textbooks, and sometimes they amused you because some manuscripts contained hilarious content from idiotic authors.

You were already halfway editing the textbook when you felt someone tap your shoulder. You turned around to see Jaehyun, smiling with his adorable dimples on display.

“Hi Essie, it’s time to eat,” he said gently before he went back to the dining table. You followed suit since you didn’t say no to an invitation to eat. You saw that the guys prepared Korean barbecue, which you have been craving as of late.

“Wow, samgyupsal! I missed this!” You cooed, eyeing all the side dishes that you haven’t eaten in months. “I know you’ve been craving for this, baby. I hear you looking for samgyupsal in your sleep,” Johnny said, eliciting a chuckle from Jaehyun.

You glared at your boyfriend who just gave you a heart sign and winked when you raised your fist at him. Your guest was laughing at your interaction, entertained how one of his best friends bantered with his girlfriend.

As the three of you dug in, you talked about everything – from the weather, your music playlists (to be honest, you liked Jaehyun’s taste more than Johnny’s), your upcoming plans, and even your relationships.

“Uh, can someone please pass me the kimchi?” You asked, your hand trying to reach the bowl of said food across the table. It was Jaehyun who handed you the bowl, and you almost dropped it when your fingers touched.

“Sorry,” you both muttered, giving timid looks at each other. Johnny noticed your interaction and raised his eyebrows.

“Babe, what’s this? You’re shy of Jeong Jaehyun?” He asked, even stamping his feet for effect. You could tell that he was both curious and annoyed – curious that you felt that way and annoyed that maybe your feelings for him weren’t that strong as he thought.  

“B-but…” you started, your eyes meeting Jaehyun’s for a moment before you turned to your boyfriend. “He’s too handsome, just like you…” Your voice was so soft that you felt you were the only one who heard it.

There was a moment of silence before Jaehyun cleared his throat. You and Johnny looked at him, which made him flustered. His ears were practically red now.  

“Baby, I know he’s too handsome for this world, but I hope you’re not falling for him,” Johnny said monotonously, trying his best not to sound jealous.

On your part, you appreciated his honesty. That was one of the things you loved about him – his brutally frank comments helped you with your problems most of the time.

However, you also enjoyed how he seemed jealous of your budding crush on his friend, who now covered his face with his hands. “Please stop looking at me,” Jaehyun mumbled while peeking from the small spaces in between his fingers.

“Of course not, darling! You’re still my number one,” your attention was directed to Johnny this time, “but I have to be honest that Jaehyun is such a stunner that I can’t help but look at him sometimes,” you ended by taking a glance at the guy on your right.

The nerve of this guy to wink at you at this moment! You felt your body heat up at this, and you clenched your utensils tightly to fight it off.

“Jaaaaay! Don’t make her fall in love with you! She should be in love with me, and only me!” Johnny was whining like a baby, and the tension that enveloped the table earlier vanished.

You and Jaehyun laughed at how the 6-footer was acting. “Don’t worry, she won’t. Right, Essie? You’ll try your best not to fall in love with me?” The prince-like guy gave you another wink again and blew you a brief kiss.

You laughed in return, flushing red at the attention you were getting. “Hey, you’re totally trying to steal her from me!” Johnny quipped, whose long arm grabbed your wrist so you can focus your attention on him.

“I’m the only one you love, right?” He changed his voice to a sultry one and he gave you The Look. You felt your heart flutter and your insides became warmer. Ah, he still got you every time he did that.

“Yes, honey,” you murmured, shyly looking at his face. “You’re the one that I love.”

Jaehyun began to sing Shania Twain’s ‘You’re Still The One’, and Johnny followed suit. Then all of you sang the song until the end and burst into laughter at how funny (and flirty) you felt for the past few minutes.

After eating, Johnny had to take care of some errands, leaving you and Jaehyun alone in the apartment. “Don’t you even dare, Jeong Yoon-oh,” your boyfriend threatened, which you and your companion did not take seriously. “Don’t try to do anything to my girl,” were his last words before he left the house.

\\\

If there was one word to describe your situation after Johnny left, it was awkward.

You were seated on the end of the couch with a pillow on your stomach as you busily scrolled through your social media feed. On the opposite end was Jaehyun, who was also doing the same.

You could hear the videos he was playing, and you bet he could hear you mutter something under your breath. That was one quirk of yours whenever you scrolled through your Twitter feed – you had to comment on people’s tweets audibly first before responding to them on the app.

“You’re such a hoe, bitch,” you mumbled as you also typed it as your response. You were commenting on Ten’s latest post, which was an outtake on one of his shoots. He looked like a Renaissance painting that came to life with his velvet suit, silk ruffled shirt, and jeweled shoes.

“Who’s a hoe, Essie?” Jaehyun asked, melting you with his stare.

“It’s definitely not you!” You responded, cheeks red from embarrassment. You didn’t mean for him to hear your comment – you made a mental note to correct your quirk, so people don’t question you.

He laughed at your reaction and moved closer to where you were seated. “Then who are you calling a hoe then?”

You leaned back against the couch, hoping that there will be more space you could back out into. “It’s only Ten that I call as such, and it’s our thing,” you said, raising your phone to your face to cover how flushed it was.

“Really? You and Ten have a thing? Does Johnny know of this?” With every word he spoke, he moved closer to you.

“Not like that, dude! Ten’s one of my closest friends now. And you know he won't do something that will make Johnny angry, right?”

This stopped Jaehyun from approaching you, and it was his time to lean back on the sofa. “Oh, is that so?” he rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

When you thought that he was done from crawling toward you, he surprised you when he wrapped his arms around your waist.

You squealed as he tickled you on the sides, on your knee, and his hands crept up on your neck.

“Jaaaaaay! Stop that!” You said in between panting, getting tired from laughing. You were pushing him away, but he easily overpowered you with his strength.

“No, Essie, I don’t want to! Say the magic word,” he said while staring at you with all his might.

Time slowed, and you took in how intent he was on making you say the magic word – what was it, anyway?

“Please?” You breathed, returning the stare he gave you. “Please, darling,” you tried again, your voice breathier than usual.

He loosened his hold on you, but he didn’t let go. “Do I need to repeat myself?” You asked, your hands ready to untangle yourself from him.

“Darling, you make me feel conflicted,” he said with the most painful expression on his face. It was a mixture of sadness and struggle, a combination that was indeed painful to see on anyone.

“Are you for real, Jaehyun?” You raised an eyebrow, hoping it masked how shocked you were with his words. You hoped you sounded scandalized to make him stop what he was doing.

“Essie, I like you. A lot. It pains me that I was never able to make a move on you first,” he said, tilting his body toward yours. He now had a loving expression on his face, making your heart melt.

“But why now?” You could feel the tears pooling at the corner of your eyes.

Come to think of it, Jaehyun was always nice when you hung out with Johnny before. He never teased you – he was actually very sweet and was always on your side. There were times he held your hand, and you let him since you two were good friends.

And how could you forget that he used to kiss your cheek every time you said your farewell? It was not just your cheeks touching – he really pressed his lips lightly on your cheek.

But best friends trump good friends, and eventually, you weren’t able to maintain your closeness once you spent more time with Johnny instead.

“I’m sorry, Essie. I don’t know what to do,” he slowly unhooked his arms on you, “I’m such a fool for coming here. Now I’m confused,” he ran his hands through his hair and looked distressed.

“I’m sorry too, Jay. But if you must know, I like you a lot too,” you said while fiddling with your thumbs.

“Essie, you’re making me more confused,” He sounded annoyed now. “I don’t want to ruin your relationship with John, I know how much he loves you.”

“But does he know that you…like me too?” As much as it made you cringe, you just had to ask him that.

His answer surprised you. “He doesn’t, and I intend to keep it that way.”

This was a plot twist that made your love life more complicated – even though you already have Johnny, you had Mark trying his best to woo you, and now Jaehyun has joined ‘the group chat’, as the kids would say.

“So, what do you plan to do then?” The question came out of your mouth without any thinking, which you now regret.

“Do you want to sin with me?” The way he delivered it sent shivers down your spine. It felt as if you were talking to the devil, only he was clad in a sweater and black jeans.

From that day until the following week, you and Jaehyun had your trysts.

–––

FIN

The Pull of You

Brace yourselves, guys – this shit’s heavy. I wrote this during a moment of depression, so expect heavy themes here. 

This piece is connected to Conflicted, so if you want to know what happens after that, then click that link below.

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

–––

Summary: The aftermath of Essie’s affair with Jaehyun complicates her dynamic with her house mates, most especially her boyfriend Johnny. That’s already a given, but how do they resolve this? Or will they ever do? 

POV: 3rd person. 

Word count: 3,000 + words 

Warning: Aside from the drama and angst this piece exudes, there is also a mention of cutting here. Please don’t do it, kids. Don’t be like who’s still trying to recover from it. And of course, smoking again if you’re sensitive to it. 

Recommended listening: If you concluded that I’ll recommend The National here, then you are correct. I listened to ‘The Pull of You’ and ‘You Have Your Soul With You’ repeatedly while writing this. Lyrics from the song are in bold and italic. 

–––

The affair ruined her. Essie slowly descended into madness, her conscience guilty, and her thoughts spiraling out of control with a million thoughts.

She couldn’t take it anymore. She couldn’t afford to see Jaehyun behind Johnny’s back. It lasted for a week, and she had to tell her lover that she had to end this.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can continue this anymore,” she sobbed, “I want to love you both, but I can only love one of you. I should only love one of you.”

“I know, mon amour. I understand,” was Jaehyun’s reply as he rubbed her back. “I know this wasn’t meant to last long, I know that you love him more than me.”

“I’m so sorry, Jay. I really am. Maybe in another lifetime, we could’ve been,” she sobbed even harder this time.

Jaehyun spent the whole afternoon comforting her and gave her his last kiss before they went their separate ways. “I have no regrets, I am happy that we became together for a moment,” he whispered.

Essie didn’t reply, she was already a mess that couldn’t be fixed.

\\\

In the next few weeks, Johnny noticed that his girlfriend wasn’t acting her usual self. She didn’t talk to him that much and was always holed up in her room.

Although he did his best to be the most caring and patient boyfriend a girl could ever have, Essie wasn’t responding to any of his sweet gestures. He hadn’t heard her speak more than a few words. She didn’t even greet him or say thanks.

As much as he wanted to confront her, he knew that he couldn’t handle the sight of her crumbling in front of him. He let her be for the moment, hoping for the day that she will be back to her usual jolly self.

However, he felt hurt when he saw her conversing with Mark. She looked fine as he saw them talking in her bedroom, as there was a small space open in her door that he could peek through. The younger guy was listening intently to her story, and he observed how she was more animated compared to the past few weeks.

When Johnny saw Mark emerge out of Essie’s bedroom, he wasn’t able to ask his other housemate what he was doing there. Mark walked away with his head bowed, as if he was avoiding any conversation with his hyung. This left Johnny standing on the hallway with his mouth agape, his eyes fixated on the closed door of his girlfriend’s room.

What could have he done to deserve this?

\\\

Mark felt conflicted about the stories that his dear Essie noona told him. He wasn’t sure if he was the right person to listen to this kind of story, but he had to now that she and her boyfriend weren’t on speaking terms lately.

Essie told Mark of her affair with Jaehyun. It only lasted for a week, but she felt horrible that she was able to do it. She never expected that she would end up like her father. She should not tolerate cheating since that was what tore her family apart.

“I love them both, Mark,” she wiped a tear from her eye, “but I don’t know how I can tell John about this. I don’t know what to do if he leaves me. And I don’t know if I can pursue a relationship with Jaehyun further now.”

He just held her hand and squeezed it, not knowing what to say. “I’m sorry if I told you this, but I needed someone to talk to. This might be a lot for you to process, but what do you think I should do?”

When he saw how wrecked she looked, his heart ached. “I…I don’t know. I really don’t know,” were the only words he said before Essie cried for the hundredth time that week.

\\\

Essie didn’t come out of her room the whole day. That worried Johnny because even if they weren’t on speaking terms, she still slipped out of her room to eat (lately it’s only once a day) or use the bathroom.

It was already late in the evening, and the itch to confront her resurfaced. He took a deep breath and walked toward the landing where his keys were. He had the key to all of the rooms, hers included. It was time to take action.

He opened the door to her room and saw her bundled in her comforter. He almost dropped his phone when he noticed that there were bloodstains on it.

He rushed to her side and saw that the blood came from her wrists. They were still bleeding. He extracted a pair of scissors on her bed and threw it away. She had hurt herself.

“Maaaaark!” He shouted, trying not to let panic get to him. “Mark Lee, come here immediately, please!”

The younger guy peeked into Essie’s room and was shocked to see the bloodied comforter. “I’ll call 911,” he said, immediately fishing his phone out of his pocket to call the hotline.

Johnny unwrapped Essie from her beddings and examined the wounds she created. They were a bit fresh, and they still bled. He noticed that she wasn’t breathing regularly anymore.

He was crying throughout the ordeal – the medical staff had to calm him down, and Mark had to step up to take care of the situation.

He didn’t know why Essie ended up like this. She wasn’t talking to him for weeks. He gave her space, and he tried his best not to be mad at her. He was a kind, understanding, and caring partner. But she was being selfish, and it broke his heart day by day.

Now, he might lose her because he wasn’t strong enough to break her walls.

Is this how I lose it? Everything at once?

\\\

Essie’s thoughts continued to consume her.

I don’t deserve to be loved.

I have been a bad partner.

I have become like my father.

I am a whore, a slut, a bitch, or any derogatory names you could call me.

I am not worthy of Johnny’s love, nor Jaehyun’s.

I am the most selfish person on this planet.

I deserve to die.

She had no energy to get out of bed or even eat properly. She only had one meal a day, the portions becoming smaller each day. The last thing she ate was a single cracker.

As she buried herself deeper into her sheets, the desire to cut returned. Wordlessly, she got up from the bed and grabbed the nearest scissors she could find.

She shut her eyes and dragged it across her wrist first to see if it was sharp enough. She saw thin lines etched onto her skin, with one of them oozing a prick of blood.

She tried again, this time harder and slower. She let out a small grunt as she felt the metal digging into her skin. She felt the blood gush out, which was both a painful yet wonderful experience. She did it again to her other wrist albeit shakily, for the blood was making her lose her control.

They were thick gashes on each wrist, and she gave a faint smile at her work.

I wish all these thoughts would stop now, she thought as she closed her eyes. She felt faint, which she hoped would lead to her losing her conscience until she never gets it back.

\\\

When Essie opened her eyes, she was at the hospital. It was a sight she never thought she’d see or experience. There were bandages on her wrists, and she felt a twinge of pain when she tried to move her hands.

“You’re awake,” a voice beside her croaked. It was Johnny, who looked worse for wear. She tried to say anything, but her mouth was too dry. She settled on looking at him instead, observing the dark bags under his eyes and his messy hair.

“Do you need anything?” She shook her head. “Water?” Another shake. “Come on, baby, please,” he said, on the verge of tears.

She could only stare at him, her mind still processing everything that happened for the past few weeks.

“Why won’t you talk to me still? What did I do? I want to know if I hurt you in any way, so I know how I could make it up to you,” he started, tears falling from his eyes.

“You’ve been talking to Mark, but not me. Are you hiding something from me?”

Those words made her heart pound loudly against her chest, and she tried not to break from her poker face.

“Baby, whatever it is, please. Let me know. I’ll understand. Whatever you did, I’ll forgive you. Just talk to me.”

Still, Essie would not budge. She just stared at him crying, unable to say anything for fear of him breaking further than her.

I cheated, John. With your best friend. I’m sorry.

A tear slipped from her eye, which Johnny didn’t notice as he continued to weep in front of her.

There was a knock on the door, but that didn’t stop him from crying. The door creaked open, revealing Mark in his trademark baseball cap.

He was about to say anything but noticed that his hyung was close to bawling.

“I guess I’ll be back later,” he mumbled, about to close the door. That was when Essie found her voice back, even if it was hoarser than usual. “Mark,” she started, “please stay.”

The younger guy was surprised at this, and he re-entered the room. Johnny’s eyes widened that his girlfriend wanted to talk to his other roommate instead of him.

“Sorry, Johnny hyung, but can you excuse us for a second?” Mark whispered, still not making eye contact with him.

“I can’t believe this,” Johnny muttered, glaring at his housemates for a second before storming out of the room.

He went out of the hospital to calm himself down, and for the first time in ages, he lighted a stick.

\\\

Everything came back to her once she started speaking to Mark. The younger guy updated her on what happened, and he saw how her face was coming back to life with various expressions. Her eyebrows knitted, her mouth frowned, and her eyes expressed the most emotion of them all.

“Mark, I still don’t know what to do. I can’t talk to him, not like this,” she murmured, looking at her bandaged wrists.

“You have to now, Essie noona. Please. It’s breaking him too. If you don’t want him to leave, you have to do it,” he said, softly tapping her arm.

She cried again, and Mark took this opportunity to excuse himself and find Johnny so the lovers could finally talk.

\\\

It took Mark an hour to find his hyung. He tried calling, but he wouldn’t answer. He had to resort to calling their other friends. Eventually, he found him through Yuta. “He’s at that coffee house with the nice smoking area,” the Japanese guy said before he hung up.

It was the place that he went to with his girlfriend. Mark knew that Essie smoked, but she was trying to cut it down. He didn’t know if she had quit, but that didn’t matter now.

As he went to the smoking area, he saw Johnny blowing a smoke ring. “Johnny hyung,” he approached the guy carefully, afraid that he might hurt him due to what he witnessed earlier.

“Mark,” the older guy said harshly and even blew smoke at his face. “What brings you here?”

“I’m taking you back to the hospital. She needs you now,” he took a seat beside him and twiddled his thumbs out of nervousness.

“What makes you think she needs me? She only talks to you now! Tell me,” Johnny said as he put out the cigarette, “are you two in a secret relationship?”

Mark shook his head vigorously. “No, hyung. She already made her choice when she decided to be in a relationship with you. I will never do that to you, to her, or anyone.” His voice was firm.

“Then, why is she talking only to you? I’m always here for her. Mark, please tell me, what’s wrong? Why isn’t she talking to me?” The older guy was in tears again, his sadness and frustration about the situation coming up again.

“It’d be best that she explain it, to be honest. I don’t even know what to say,” Mark rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Please, Johnny hyung. Have a bit more patience. She’ll talk.”

“I’m doing the best that I could, Mark Lee. I hope I still have some patience in me left,” were Johnny’s last words before he went back to the hospital.

\\\

“Baby, you said you needed to talk to me?”

The six-footer was now seated beside his love, who looked more alive than he saw her earlier. She nodded, opening her palm and moving it toward his direction.

He took this as a cue to hold her hand, which he did. He was gentle in picking it up, slowly slipping in his fingers in between hers.

“Can you tell me why you hurt yourself? Can you tell me everything why you haven’t been talking to me in ages?” His voice cracked as he asked.

“I…I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I really am. I am truly, deeply sorry.”

“I know it’s easy to say I forgive you, but I don’t know if I can accept it just yet. You really hurt me,” Johnny’s grip tightened. “But I know you still have a lot to explain. Can you start?”

She looked at him with teary eyes, slowly untangling her hand from him. She didn’t know where to start. She didn’t know if she could say what she has practiced in her mind while she was waiting for him to return.

I had only one thing to do and I couldn’t do it yet.

///

It took some time for Essie and Johnny to repair their relationship. She wasn’t able to tell him what she really wanted to say when she was at the hospital. They just held hands and cried.

Once she was discharged, Johnny was hands-on in taking care of her. He didn’t leave her alone – he accompanied her to the bathroom, he slept beside her, and he was there for her when she had to go out of the house.

In one instance, they had to return to the hospital for a follow-up check-up and an appointment with the psychiatrist. They held hands as they went to the car silently. Essie didn’t talk that much, and if she did, she only gave single statements.

Johnny’s patience was wearing thin, but he prayed that the Lord give him more. He didn’t want to lose the love of his life, even if she still hasn’t told him everything yet.

From all the things that she said, he only knew that she was apologetic for everything.

Something's leaving me behind

It's just a feeling in my mind

\\\

It was during their ride to the hospital that Essie finally cracked.

“I’m sorry that I broke your heart,” she wept, looking away from him.

It had started raining outside, and they were stuck in traffic.

“I already forgive you for that,” he squeezed her hand. “Stop apologizing so much. I got it.” He bent forward to look at her face in the car window and saw that her eyes were red and puffy.

“It’s more than what you think, John. I really am sorry.”

He let go of her clammy hand and placed it on the steering wheel. Could it be?

A moment of awkward silence enveloped the car. They weren’t listening to any of their playlists lately. Music took a backseat in their lives as Johnny was intent to fix things with Essie.

“Who did you do it with?” His tone was serious, making the hairs on the back of Essie’s neck stand up.

“Jay,” she whispered as she sat up straight. “It was Jay.” She repeated with certainty.

“Jeong Jaehyun,” Johnny growled his best friend’s name. It made sense to him now. No wonder he wasn’t talking to him despite leaving multiple voice calls and private messages. “How dare he do this to me? But how could you too, Essie?” The instant change of tone of his voice made her heart ache.

It was one of the most painful things that she heard him say, along with the pleas that he said when she was at the hospital.

“I’m really sorry, John. There are no excuses for what I did. I gave in to temptation when I could’ve avoided it…” Essie’s voice cracked at each word she said, and she was in tears again.

“How long did it last?” Johnny’s question cut through her like a knife. He wasn’t dilly-dallying around.

“For a week. I couldn’t take it anymore…” She distracted herself by studying her hands since she didn’t want to cry all day. She knew she would cry more during her appointment with the psychiatrist.

“Essie…” He breathed, his eyes intent on the traffic sign. It was still red, and he was wishing that it would change to green.

“I’m sorry, Johnny. My sincerest apologies. I am remorseful for what I did. Please forgive me more for what I have done,” she said, taking a glance at his face.

Even if it pained her to see his reaction, she had to know how he felt.

He had an inscrutable expression as he continued to drive. Of course, it hurt him that his best friends cheated on him. Jeong Jaehyun, a man he considered his brother, had an affair with the woman he wanted to marry and have a family with.

He had to right to be angry about this. But he didn’t feel it right now. Instead, he felt defeated. Deflated. Depressed.

His love for Essie was too much that he wanted her to get better soon so they could fix their lives together.

Processing anger can take a toll on someone, and he didn’t want to feel that just yet. He would get angry later on. That could wait.

He took a look at Essie, who has now fallen asleep. He gave her a small smile before focusing his attention back on the road.

We're connected by a thread

If we ever get far apart

I'll still feel the pull of you

–––

FIN

P.S. I hope you didn’t make a drinking game out of all the times I mentioned hyung here!

Cruel Game

Shaking things up with this brain fart because too much lovey-dovey can get on your nerves. Well, sometimes. Or is it just me? 

Anyway, I just want to share that I love any Jaehyun and Mark interactions. I like how chill both are, and let’s be honest – they give off frat boy vibes. 

I love this GIF of them – I feel the love, man! GIF is from this link.

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

–––

Summary: Sharing that I love Jaehyun and Mark’s friendship is a clue to what you’ll be reading today, as the guys are fueled by their jealousy to get Essie’s heart. Say what?! Yes, I wrote this with the tensest timeline in mind, meaning it’s before Johnny and Essie got together and are getting real touchy with each other. 

POV: 3rd person 

Word count: 1,200 + words 

Warning: Italics are for thoughts and foreign terms. 

–––

Jaehyun knew he lost when he saw the look Essie and Johnny shared during one of their hangouts.

The grey-haired heartthrob, along with Taeyong and Ten, decided to visit their friends Mark, Johnny, and Essie (who also happen to be housemates). It has been a while since Mark and Taeyong were in their respective apartments due to their hectic schedules, and it has been ages since all of them hung out with Ten.

He, Taeyong, and Johnny cooked while Ten, Mark, and Essie provided entertainment through singing with their respective instruments or dancing. The three men prepared a mix of both Korean and Japanese food, which delighted the only girl in the house. “It’s as if you know what I’m craving for!” She gushed, clapping her hands together in glee.

“Of course, I know what you like,” Jaehyun commented confidently with a wink, making her blush. His action was not lost on Johnny, who looked as if he could burn a hole on the back of his friend’s head. “Thank you, Jay!” Essie chirped before she nudged Ten to help her in setting the table.

Once that was set, everyone sat down and enjoyed their dinner. It was during this part of the evening that Jaehyun knew that Essie has made up her mind on whom she likes the most. It was not lost on him that he was one of the people who first knew of her crush on Johnny and other guys in their huge social circle. If he remembered correctly, the only ones from the group she told of were him and Ten.

He caught Johnny tapping her shoulder lightly to whisper something in her ear. He noticed the way she leaned immediately to his touch and giggled at the few words he said. They shared a look before they went back to eating.

If he was asked to describe the look they gave each other, it was one of sweet longing and understanding. In short, he was jealous that he wasn’t the one who received it.

Jaehyun tightened the grip on his utensils as he continued eating dinner, feeling his face heat up in anger. “Hey, hyung. You okay?” Mark asked, who was seated to his left. He nodded in response and gave a goofy smile to reassure him.

“But your ear is, like, all red,” Ten commented before eating a whole sushi. He touched his ear and felt that he was going to get burned with how hot it was. “Oh, maybe it must be the weather? Or the room’s a bit too warm,” he mumbled before focusing on his plate again.

“Did you say it’s too hot, Jay? I can adjust the temperature of the AC,” Essie offered, now standing up to go to where she placed the remote of the air conditioner. “Yeah, thanks dear,” he said softly, looking at her figure disappear into the living room.

“Hey, that’s not where the remote for the AC is, you dummy! It’s over here,” Johnny said, following the girl into the room she went to. The sight of his friend going to where his crush was made him massage his temples in silence, which then led him to lose his appetite.

“I don’t think you’re okay, hyung,” Mark whispered, moving his chair closer to the table. The sound it made turned heads, and all of them looked at the two guys. “What?” Jaehyun was irritated at the looks he got from Taeyong and Ten.

“Yeah, you don’t seem well, Yoon Oh. Do you need a break?” Taeyong said carefully since he didn’t want to irk his housemate. After all, they were going home the same way in the same car.

“I think so. I’ll just be outside,” Jaehyun muttered before going outside to the porch. Mark excused himself shortly afterward and went to where he was as well.

The two men observed the night scenery in silence – well, they could still hear the sound of cicadas chirping and clicking and their heavy breathing.

“What brings you here, Mark?” He started, folding his arms over his chest.

“I think I know what set you off,” the younger guy replied, moving closer to him.

“Oh, you think? Then humor me. Tell me what that is,” his tone was sarcastic, which Mark picked up and returned in his response.

“Don’t think you’re the only one who’s annoyed with Johnny and Essie making goo-goo eyes at each other.”

They looked at each other for a moment and burst into laughter afterward. “Hey, why are you annoyed with them? What did they do to you? Sucks that you have to endure that, eh?” Jaehyun took a seat on the bench, and Mark followed suit. “It’s not that they did anything to me, but I think…I like Essie noona more than, you know, as a sister figure.” The way his voice softened at the end made the older guy’s heart ache.

“Damn, Mark. I didn’t know you felt that way. I guess…you can say the same thing about me too,” he brushed his hair away from his face and looked out into the dark horizon again. “It’s not usual for me to be jealous, especially towards one of my best friends. But I can’t help it. I like Essie too, but I think she has made her decision on who she likes the most.”

“Huh? What does that mean?” Mark moved closer to his hyung, his eyes shining in anticipation with his next words.

Oh crap, this is bad. I shouldn’t have phrased it that way…he thought, running another hand through his hair.

“Let’s just say that Essie likes a lot of guys, and among them all, Johnny is the one she likes the best. And unfortunately, none of us made that list. Isn’t that sad?”

It took a moment for Mark to reply. “Maybe she wouldn’t tell us that if she liked us that way, you know? But maybe she likes one of us too, or heck, even just one of us aside from Johnny hyung. But who are we to compete with him?” He peeked inside and saw that he and Essie were arguing on the dinner table.

“Hey, be confident with yourself, Mark Lee. Suh Youngho isn’t the only handsome and talented guy in the room,” Jaehyun patted his friend’s back before sneaking a look on the commotion inside. He saw that Essie looked pissed, and Johnny was rolling his eyes at her.

“But they look like a fucking married couple already,” Mark mumbled, his eyes also focused on the two. “I think they’re meant for each other.”

“Don’t lose hope. Why don’t you try?” Both men returned to looking at the night sky. “You know, talking with you made me not give up on pursuing Essie. I felt that I have already lost. That sickeningly sweet look she and Youngho had earlier broke me, man. I swear to you,” the older guy admitted, his eyes now focused on his shoes.

“But that means we’ll be competing for her then,” the black-haired guy glanced at Jaehyun, who was now looking at him. “I still want to try, you know. Even if I know deep inside she might not accept my love.”

“That’s the spirit, I guess?” Jaehyun chuckled, slinging an arm around Mark’s shoulder. “May the best man win then.”

“Good luck to us, hyung. I mean it.”

–––

FIN

P.S. The title came from ‘Sit Down’ as it suddenly played in my head the moment I saved the initial draft. Of course, how can I forget Jaehyun’s lines and his competitive spirit? 

Dangerous

I'm in a Jeong Jaehyun mood lately.

I mean, who wouldn't be, especially if you're an NCTzen? Just kidding unless he isn't your bias huhu.

I guess I'm prepping myself to write Burnout, so have some of my writing about him in the meantime.

Here's the first one, inspired by numerous playbacks of The xx's "Dangerous."

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

POV: 2nd person

Word count: 506 words

Additional notes: This piece is part of the Trysts with Mon Amour timeline, so I'll be glad if you can check that out too.

---

You had been told that Jeong Jaehyun was a dangerous person. Not in the sense that he was a serial killer, but he would break your heart if you got too close to him.

You remembered Doyoung, a common friend of yours (and everybody else it seemed), who told you about this during one of the many house parties you’ve attended.

“I hope you have heard one of the many rumors about our friend,” he started, using his pointer finger discreetly to point at Jaehyun, “and I’m going to confirm with you that it’s true.”

You raised an eyebrow at him before chugging the bottle of beer in your hand. “What do you mean by that? I haven’t heard many rumors about Jay.”

“Aw, come on, Essie, you should know that one! He is a serial dater and can never commit to one person for a long time,” Doyoung sounded exasperated at this, which made him finish the remaining water in his glass.

You looked at Jaehyun, who seemed enamored at the girl he talked to. You knew he was feigning interest, and you could see that his smile hid his motive to sleep with her. After all, the girl he was talking to was hot. You knew how hot girls looked like, and you were far from it.

“Oh, that one,” you grumbled. “Well, there isn’t anything I can do about that. It’s his choice anyway.” You faced Doyoung, who now has a newly refilled glass. “Why are you telling me this?”

“I’ve noticed you two are becoming close these days, and I don’t want you to end up like her,” he was staring at his friend’s interaction with the girl, who has now linked her arms around the heartthrob.

To be honest, you wanted to refute Doyoung for his words, as if you’re going to risk having a relationship with his fellow Aquarian friend. But deep inside, your feelings are a mess because you’re falling for Johnny, and maybe for Jaehyun too.

You took a deep breath to compose yourself. “Well, thanks for the warning, and I’ll take that in mind,” your eyes never left Jaehyun and the girl he was with as they headed out of the venue.

“Take this seriously, Essie,” Doyoung patted your shoulder before leaving you to your thoughts. This time, you watched your friend mingle with the rest of the crowd.

You felt the air becoming colder as you decided to stay still and observe everyone. You realized you were getting too old for this shit – watching people get completely wasted, taking strangers somewhere upstairs so they could bang each other, and hearing crude jokes about everything. You finished the beer that had become lukewarm in your hands and went out to have a smoke to clear your mind further.

Will you consider pursuing a relationship with Jeong Jaehyun if the opportunity arises? Maybe so, or maybe not.

But little did you know, you would be the one who would break his heart not only once, but twice.

---

FIN

P.S. Always listen to Doyoung; he knows best.

Reality Checklist

Continuing my Jaehyun writings with this angsty piece, inspired by UNIQUE's "Reality Checklist."

I can't help but write him this way; I know he's going to act this out so well. Let's manifest Actor Jaehyun for 2022!

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

POV: 3rd person

Word count: 502 words

Additional notes: If this is your first time reading my work, welcome! However, I'll be linking some writing that is in the same timeline like this one since it's part of one of my many unfinished series. Feel free to read those first or read them after this.

Warning: Uh, there's some suggestive content here.

---

He never thought it would affect him like this.

As Jaehyun took another swig of whiskey, he groaned at the thought that he was actually in love. He fell in love with the girlfriend of his best friend, and he risked everything to be with her.

He was currently in a hotel room abroad for a project, and he looked at his room in disdain. It reminded him they had a fancy dinner at a hotel and fucked afterward.

He remembered the way her teeth grazed on his dick and how delightfully painful it was for him. He took another swig of his drink before fishing out a carton of cigarettes in his pocket.

He was never one to smoke often, but tonight felt like the perfect time to do so. He would channel all his thoughts into the smoke he would let out, and hopefully, he could forget about her.

He knew he was a player, but it wasn’t explicitly known by anyone who didn’t know him personally. However, he didn’t show this side to her. She was one of the people he wanted to have, but he never thought he would be invested in her.

Most of the relationships he had were very brief due to his schedule, and most of the time, it was all about fucking. He needed that release, like most guys his age.

But when he met her, especially when they got to know each other better, he observed her well. He knew how to make her ideal coffee, he knew that she didn’t like it when he wore his cap backward, and he knew that she liked to be eaten out. He knew everything there is to know about her, compared to the other women he had been with.

Was there a thrill in being with someone who was taken already? Maybe so, he told himself, as he put out the third stick he was smoking.

His mind now raced to thoughts of how things would have turned out if he got to her first than his best friend. Would he be this observant? Would he care for her more than his ex-lovers?

“Fuck this,” he groaned for the umpteenth time, eyeing the now-empty bottle of whiskey beside him. “I should forget about her. She made her choice already. It’s not me, and it’s never been me.”

He stood up, drawing open the curtains to his dark room. It was already nighttime, and he looked at the bright and bustling cityscape. He has already seen this scenery a couple of times in different countries, and he would usually find this beautiful.

But now, he felt empty. Everyone was moving, yet here he was, still in his thoughts.

He took out his phone in his other pocket and scrolled through the numbers in his contacts. He dialed a number and pressed his phone to his ears.

“Hey, I heard you can get me someone for the night. Can you find me one by 10:30 p.m.? Thanks.”

---

FIN

Guilty

Dear. M made me do this. I'm posting the Jaehyun content I have written so far, and I will continue to write more.

For context, this brain fart is part of the main timeline.

There's something about an angry and heartbroken Jay that makes me want to write more...

Anyway, mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

POV: 3rd person

Word count: 890 approx.

Additional notes: I'm glad I could write the other 127 members in, especially Yuta. I'll make it a goal to include the rest of NCT in my stories when applicable.

---

Yuta felt sorry about how Jaehyun turned out after Essie called off their affair.

When Jaehyun came home from his solo project, he smoked and drank consistently after his schedule. Sometimes he drank whiskey in the mornings and decided to have a pack of cigarettes for breakfast. It was unfortunate that he coped in this way. Although it’s one of the many ways people do so, it is destructive in the long run. Yuta had to intervene; hence, he knew everything there was to know about this week-long rendezvous.

While he took it all in stride, he felt uneasy in knowing what would be one of the dirty open secrets the group now has.

As he watched Jaehyun singing his feelings out in the karaoke booth, he glanced at Taeil. The eldest in the group seemed unaffected by the situation as he flipped through the songbook, looking for another song to sing. It was just the three of them this time – Mark was busy as always, and Jungwoo had more hosting gigs these days.

“Fuck this shit,” Jaehyun growled, yanking the collar of his shirt angrily, “why can’t I still get over her?”

“Let it all out, bro,” Taeil said calmly, scanning intently for the number of the song he wanted to sing. “You’ll get over her eventually.”

“You know, Jay,” Yuta started, “Things are going to be different now, especially if Johnny figures out what you did with his girl.”

“I don’t care,” the youngest groaned, throwing himself on the sofa. “This fucking sucks.”

“Both of you are adults who made this choice, so you’ve got to live with it,” Yuta’s tone was firmer this time. “But that was very dumb of you, Jeong Yoonoh. Why did you even propose that idea to Essie?”

The sound of glass shattering on the floor startled the two older guys, and they saw Jaehyun had just flung the glass of water on the wall. He covered his face afterward, hiding the angry tears flowing on his face.

“You little shit,” Taeil grumbled, looking at the mess he made. “You have to pay for that.”

Jaehyun’s actions were getting on Yuta’s nerves, but he didn’t want to make a commotion. He took deep breaths to calm himself down, not wanting to engage in his friend’s bullshit.

A moment of awkward silence ensued before the heartbroken man spoke. “I thought she liked me. I thought she would choose me. I thought once I have her, I’d stop fooling around.”

Taeil and Yuta looked at each other, loss for words on what to say. They weren’t involved, nor would they like to be involved, in Jaehyun’s affairs. Each had their own lives once the cameras were off, and they tried their best not to get entangled in another’s business.

“You know what, Jay?” The eldest said, sporting a wicked grin on his face. “To make up for your shitty behavior tonight, I’d like you to sing this song with all the emotion you have.”

Like an obedient younger brother, Jaehyun stood beside his hyung and put in the numbers of the requested song. Yuta raised an eyebrow at them both, with Taeil holding his laughter.

“What are you up to?” the Japanese guy mouthed to his former roommate as the singer immersed himself in the song he was about to sing.

“As I’ve said earlier, he has to let it all out.”

When the iconic saxophone intro of George Michael’s (formerly of Wham!) infamous song played from the speakers, Yuta rolled his eyes at Taeil’s suggestion.

Jaehyun gave a memorable performance of the song despite his vocals sounding a bit strained due to all the crying and screaming he did for the past few weeks.

It was during the bridge part that he almost lost it.

“We could have been so good together; we could have lived this dance forever. But now who’s gonna dance with me? Please stay,” the tears pooled once again in his eyes.

The memories were still too fresh for him to forget. Fucking Essie felt so good, and he never wanted to be apart from her. They had intimate dances under the stars and by the shore. It felt surreal, but alas, all good things come to an end. It might be good for him, but it shouldn’t be.

Once he was done singing, he kept to himself on the sofa. His hyungs took their turns singing, and he watched them enjoy what they were doing.

From time to time, Yuta checked in on Jaehyun. It was always the same when they went out to karaoke bars: he would stay still, his eyes looking at nothing until the booze hit him and made him fall asleep.

Every so often, he would wake up and not speak a word until they go off in their respective rooms, or they would have to haul his ass back to his apartment.

This was getting tiring, seeing his downward spiral into depression. Yuta, known for his wise words, knew what they did was wrong. They should be held accountable for their actions. He bet both parties are hot messes right now, but he’s more concerned about Johnny. The tall guy might not take it if he learns about this rendezvous.

Everyone knows no one wants to mess with an angry Johnny Suh.

---

FIN

P.S. Did you expect I was going to let him sing Careless Whisper? Feel free to listen to it below! I think Jaehyun can pull this off flawlessly.

He.

Before I disappear again for a while, it's about time Burnout got some update.

I feel so crushed I won't be able to watch my boys this weekend to the point I might forget all my feelings for them. Yeah, I'm a dramatic bitch.

Maybe I need a break from them and other things in life. But for now, enjoy this Jaehyun-centered piece.

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

POV: 2nd person

Word count: 2,290 approx.

Additional notes: Italics are Y/N's thoughts.

---

Maybe it’s time to fall in love again. 

It has been what, two or three years? You couldn’t remember exactly how long your last (and probably greatest) relationship was. It felt like an eternity ago. 

You felt you changed so much, but at the same time you also felt like the same old person. Did that make sense to anyone?  

As Mark Lee pushed you toward his bandmates, you couldn’t help but feel both annoyed and nervous. He was adamant that you meet his crew since you’ll be hanging around them more often, but he kept slapping your back like an excited seal. You tried your best not to wince at his slaps and keep smiling for the sake of not leaving a bad first impression. 

The main point of Mark wanting you to meet his bandmates was for you to be in a relationship again. He knew his friends were good-looking – he is too, but he won’t admit that straight out – and maybe you’ll want to stay in this place longer. 

“Mark, that’s enough. She’ll have a sore back with what you’re doing,” a black-haired guy with a baritone voice said, and when you looked at him, you felt more nervous than annoyed. 

He was handsome. You knew your eyes would be on him all night. Your heart fluttered when he smiled at you, and you bowed your head in response. 

“Sorry about that. You know how I am when I’m excited,” Mark giggled, before he tilted you to face his friends. “Hey guys, this is Y/N. She’s my childhood best friend, and we reconnected last year when she moved here.” 

You waved and introduced yourself, and everyone seemed delighted to meet you. Mark’s bandmates consisted of Hendery, their drummer and standup comic in the making, Jeno, their bassist and veterinarian, and Jaehyun, that guy whose looks have already captivated you. 

He shares guitar duties with Mark, but he also serves as the main vocalist of the group. He works in marketing, which isn’t far from the industry you were in. Mark used to work in the same team as him, but your best friend quit when he realized he wanted to focus on his music and other artistic pursuits. 

“Y/N. That’s a beautiful name,” Jaehyun said, smiling at you again. Your eyes focused on his dimples and how his eyes almost turned into crescents. 

“Thank you, Jaehyun. Yours too,” you mumbled, looking at the floor to hide how flustered you were. 

“Call me Jay instead.” When you looked back at him, he held his hand out for you to shake. You took it, and he gripped your hand tightly. “I look forward to getting to know you more.”

///

“Is he really like that, dude?” You asked Mark when you watched Jaehyun converse with a couple of girls after their performance. 

“What do you mean?” Your best friend raised an eyebrow at you, not sure what you were getting at. 

“Does he flirt with every female in the planet?” Your eyes were drawn again to the girls who were giggling at whatever he said, and he was smiling all throughout.

“He’s very friendly, I must say…” Mark also observed the scene across him. “But you know that friendliness can be misunderstood as flirting. Especially to the ladies. Which you are telling me right now.”

You slapped his arm in response. “I was just curious! It seems like every girl would fall in love with him in an instant.” 

“Are you jealous that you’re not the one he’s talking to?” You didn’t expect the guy beside you to be that frank. He was usually the one that kept the conversation going in circles. 

You slapped his arm again. “Bold of you to assume that, Mark Lee.” 

“Well, I did see how you looked at him though! So, will he be the one who’s going to make you fall in love again?” Your best friend nudged you repeatedly and made silly hooting sounds. 

You pinched his sides this time. “Why are you so hung up on me having a relationship with someone? You know that I’m not looking for anyone right now.” 

Mark’s answer stuck with you: “Because you deserve it. You deserve to be loved. Your heart deserves to be healed from its trauma, and aside from yourself, maybe someone else can teach you how to love again.” 

You let the chatter inside the bar drown the thoughts you didn’t want to think about now. 

///

You were getting along with Mark’s band mates just fine. No one made a move at you, and you were hoping your best friend didn’t tell them about his plan for you. 

All of them were gorgeous, but there was something about Jaehyun that your eyes kept gravitating to. You liked to observe him in your mind: his ears turn red when he is shy or embarrassed, he has pronounced canines, and he has a deep, hearty laugh that Mark liked to copy. 

You weren’t in love yet. Maybe you have a silly, harmless crush on him now. He hasn’t done anything to you that will top the things your ex has done for you. 

Speaking of the devil, your mind wondered about that asshole briefly. Where could he be right now? 

“Hey daydreamer,” an angel whispered next to you, and next thing you know a bottle of beer was placed on your hands by Jaehyun. “Care to share your thoughts?”

“Oh. Sorry, I was out of it,” you chuckled, readjusting the bottle about to slip from your hand, “I tend to do that often when I’m left alone. I’m sure most of us do that?” 

“Here, let me help you,” he took the beer bottle from your hands and placed one of his hands over yours. Your mind noted his hand felt warm. It made your insides feel warm as well. The hand on top of yours adjusted your fingers to hold the cold bottle, and you can now hold your beverage properly. 

You whispered your thanks, and he smiled in return. “And you already know what I drink!” You checked the bottle again in your hands to see that it was your usual lager. 

“I might not look like it, but I’m observant,” Jaehyun toasted his bottle with yours before you two drank in unison. “It’s been a few weeks since we got acquainted, and I noticed that you always order that.” 

“Great catch then,” you giggled, taking another swig of your beer. He was now seated beside you as you watched other bands perform in the bar. You didn’t have a moment like this yet, and you were a bit afraid of what might happen next. 

“Isn’t that you?” You heard him say, but when you asked him to repeat what he said, he just laughed. “Forget it. I was making a joke.” 

He might be flirting with you, but you might also be overthinking what he said. The night is still young, and there are still many things that could happen. 

///

That fateful evening, as your mind liked to call it, was the start of your blossoming friendship with Jaehyun. 

After he handed you that beer and sat beside you while watching bands in the bar, it has become a part of his routine to do so. He would talk to you about anything and everything when the show was over. 

“There are other girls you could sit with. I won’t mind,” you told him after finishing your second bottle of beer. You eyed the girls in a nearby table who weren’t shy looking at your seatmate. 

“I’m not interested, and I feel comfortable here. These are nice seats to watch the bands, you know?” He gestured to the stage, where a man was playing a saxophone. 

“That’s fair,” you grabbed another beer bottle from the bucket in the middle of the table, “and darn it if I don’t get good seats to watch the bands.” 

You beamed at him for your minor accomplishment, which he returned by squeezing your hand. This was unexpected. You shook your head to clear your head from assumptive thoughts. 

“Are you okay?” He squeezed your hand again. You nodded, trying to relax from his grip. “We can get out of here if you don’t feel well.” 

You might be hearing things, or you might be misunderstanding them again. Why are you so opposed to liking someone else? The rational part of your mind questioned, which you ignored. 

“I’m fine, Jay. No need to worry about me,” you smiled, hoping that reassured him. “Can you let go of my hand now?”

But when he didn’t respond and stared at your face intently, you gulped. Maybe your thoughts were headed in the right direction, only you stopped them from forming inside your mind. You can’t fall in love just yet. 

“What if I don’t want to?” 

You swore his voice became deeper. You could only stare at your hand in his grasp. He tightened his hold before letting go and running his fingers over yours. 

“What do you want from me?” 

Your voice sounded small and afraid, which was opposite to your intentions. Being the observant person he is, he sensed that you were uncomfortable. He took his hand off yours hesitantly and placed it on his lap. 

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable with that. It’s just…” he scratched behind his neck, a sign of nervousness, “I like you. There, I said it.”

His ears were red with his sudden confession, and you felt your cheeks have turned in the same hue. This was too good to be true, right? 

“I like being around you. I enjoy our conversations after the shows, and I learn a lot from you,” he continued when you didn’t say anything, “And I hope we can continue that not just here, but elsewhere.”

The rest of the world has become blurred to you except Jaehyun. You watched him tell you more about what he liked about you at this point, and the way he shyly looked up at you made you feel fuzzy inside. 

Go for it. Let him in. Maybe it’s time to fall in love again. 

The rational part of your mind – are you sure it’s the rational side? – told you, and it felt like it was déjà vu. You’ve heard that line somewhere already. 

You took a deep breath, hoping that moment helped collect your thoughts. You faced him confidently, saying: “I like you too, Jay. I would want to go beyond what we’re having now.” 

\\\

Have you found love again for real this time? 

You asked yourself this while embracing Jaehyun.

You were still in disbelief that things between the two of you flowed wonderfully. You agreed to see each other exclusively, and before you knew it, it had been more than six months since you got together. 

You buried your head on the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent. You always felt comforted with his presence, and you couldn’t imagine life without him now. 

You had a hard day at work, and when you went home to the apartment you shared, you searched for him immediately. 

He was in your bedroom, listening to one of your favorite LPs while he scrolled through his phone. But when he saw how distressed you were, he stood up to engulf you in a hug. 

It had been a couple of minutes since you embraced, and none of you wanted to pull apart. 

“Baby, what’s wrong?” He asked, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine. God, his voice was something you couldn’t imagine not hearing. 

“Work,” you croaked, tightening your hold on him. “Will it make you feel better if you tell me about it?” He carried you to the bed and placed you gently beside him. 

Was it all too fast? Are you sure you’re in love? 

Your mind bothered you again with another silly question. You were enjoying the warmth from Jaehyun’s body as both of you cuddled on the bed. 

It was another horrible day at work, and he listened to your woes. He held you in his arms as you whined and cried. 

Deep inside, you felt horrible. Things are going to become a terrible routine for you two if you keep doing this. He can’t always solve everything. 

You shook your head at your thoughts and noticed that his sleeve was damp. Crap, you cried again. 

“Baby, what’s wrong?” His voice was gentle even though he was worried. You looked up to see sincerity etched on his face. You cried even more, feeling like a mess that could not get fixed. 

You should be happy that you’re with someone again. He might be The One, you know?

Another voice in your head made itself known, and it sounded chipper. You wiped your tears on the back of your hand to look at your boyfriend. 

Many girls would kill to be in your position. You had already written a novel on all his great qualities in the recesses of your mind. But maybe, it will help if you could re-read that to remind yourself you were a damn lucky bitch. 

“I’m sorry I keep on crying, Jay…” you mumbled, burying your face into his shoulder. “Maybe I’m about to have my period,” you reasoned, chuckling at the absurdity of your reason. 

“I understand,” he kissed the top of your head. “What do you want for dinner?” 

His question sparked joy inside you, and the mopey girl from minutes ago disappeared. Food is the way to anyone’s heart. Any partner should know that by now. 

How could you be uncontended with this? 

---

FIN

P.S. There's a part of me that finds the progression of their love story a bit fast, but please let me know what you think.